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Foundation Three Discussion (June 2018 Intensive)
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13 Replies
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Hi Lovely Tribe (Cohort 16),
Looking forward to your thoughts on the Threshold– the powerful, energized, playful space within a Nature Connected Coaching session!
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Assignment:
* Kick-off Question: Reflect on your experience as a client in the “threshold”. How does that experience inform your coaching and why? How did Nature participate in your process and what does that tell you about coaching others? What ICF core competencies are essential for you to practice and build on to feel confident in that “place” as a coach? This is not a feedback session to your coach, but a self – reflective responseAs I’m very delayed in writing this paper, I’m having to recreate the particular threshold experience I was guided thru’ by reviewing some of my notes. I remember starting in a place which was totally different from the one I finished at. I can’t remember where I started but I know that I ended in a place of intense and overwhelming anger. I was exploring my experience of living an inauthentic life because I was afraid of disappointing others. It revolved around how I show up, feeling responsible for others’ experiences, and how the life I wanted to live was not the life I was living because I felt that I should be doing everything I could to be more successful at work, which manifested as more money, and more senior. I wasn’t happy with where I was living because I felt suffocated in an environment which was not conducive to healthy and authentic living, in my definition of the meaning of healthy and authentic.
What emerged during the session was that I felt very angry did not feel permitted to live the life I wanted to live because others would judge me. A lot of that was centered around my need not to disappoint my father.
By truly digging deep into understanding what was at the root of these feelings, I could start to create a path towards severance. Out in the open, I wanted to run away, as far as I could but Michael guided me through a breathing and visualization exercise which allowed me to become more grounded.
I believe that we all come to the coaching, guiding and therapeutic fields by way of our own personal journey of self discovery, exploration and, frankly, pain. By going through these experiences, as a coach, I believe I am able to create a deeper connection with my clients; we can empathize, sometimes we may even have had a similar experience. Through our own journey through the myriad emotions which are a part of these experiences, we can ask questions and guide our clients into and through their own emotions in a safe way, perhaps having a deeper awareness of the risk involved to them in being vulnerable. I know, in my soul, that as a result of my own challenges in life, I am a more empathetic guide, a better listener and someone who can create a safe place for my client to explore their own emotions, without fear of judgment.
As it relates to the core ICF competencies for me to work on, I believe that they are all, and should always be, a work in progress; we are never perfect at any of them and should always be striving to enhance our skills. That said, powerful questions will always be one of the ones I want to focus on. I have a deep curiosity about people; I love to learn about them on every level, however, that curiosity, as a coach/guide could be misplaced as the dynamic can shift to me wanting to get more knowledge for myself rather than asking the client questions to enhance and increase their understanding and awareness of themselves. (another ICF core competency). As a naturally-inclined problem solver, I can believe that the designing actions competency is easy for me, however, once again, it is important to remember that this should be co-created, with the client leading; I’m not there to provide the answer but to guide the client to actions for which they are responsible and over which they have a sense of ownership. -
Reflect on your experience as a client in the “threshold”. How does that experience inform your coaching and why? How did Nature participate in your process and what does that tell you about coaching others? What ICF core competencies are essential for you to practice and build on to feel confident in that “place” as a coach? This is not a feedback session to your coach, but a self – reflective response
I remember going through threshold as a client during the June intensive feeling completely aware of my truth. I felt like I was passing through this divider, one side could hold me back and the other was pushing me through into the arms of my greatness. Given this experience as a client, being a guide has shaped the way that I see my clients go through an experience of igniting their soul, but because I was scared I wasn’t going to do it “right” I had missed the signs of where my client was at during that time. During this previous intensive, I questioned myself whether I was guiding my client into threshold or if I wasn’t finished with severance. I was very “in my head” at that moment in time, not knowing if I was doing it “right.” As the cohort discussed what had happened, I had realized that going through severance may not be so linear. This allowed me to take a step back and realize the shift from severance to threshold and what signs to look for when the client enters that ignition.
As a guide I want to focus on deep listening and asking powerful questions that aren’t too complex or wordy. I want to practice on powerful language because I get into my head too much about doing things “right.” I feel that I over analyze like that because I want my client to have the best possible experience I can give them. Given this fact, however, if I over analyze and think too much I’m not listening to my gut which really helps guide me to guide the client. Asking simple yet powerful questions are a competency that I’d like to work on because I think simplicity will take the pressure off of myself to get it “perfect” or “right.” It’s never going to be perfect because everyone is different, with different wants and needs and being able to allow myself space of experimentation is important on how I show up for my client. I think by deeply listening to where my client is at, understanding it and being able to guide them with simple questions can get them to a place of greater understanding.
During this past intensive I was also taking notes much more in the beginning of the week because of the fear factor that I would forget what the client had said. (I was given consent to do so) Even though by the end I still wrote down a few key words and phrases, I wrote much less than the first couple of days. I let go of my analytical mind and after the session I felt proud that I had deeply listened to my client without writing down the full conversation. I was able to refer back to them what they had said and key words which I thought were powerfully positive. I need to work on trusting myself and my gut because that is what leads the client into threshold and also to trust me overall. I also need to work on seeing my client where they’re at and understand that threshold is a sensitive and personal experience so I need to meet my client where they’re at through the process by not over thinking what I’m doing. -
Wendy, I really liked what you wrote about all of the competencies being a work in progress. I definitely agree, that we are not perfect and there’s always room to improve and learn. I too would like to work on asking powerful questions because they allow the client to feel safe in what they’re opening up to.
Also, I definitely relate on the notion that we’re all going through a personal journey which allows us to create a deeper understanding of being a guide. With that, creates empathy within us and help build connection to our clients’ process. -
Initial Post:
I still remember my ‘threshold’ experience as a client with Wendy guiding, mostly because it was a catalyst to how my relationship with my mother changed. Which, is a pretty big deal. Prior to coming to our first intensive, I was pretty shut-off from expressing my feelings, and then Pandora’s box opened, and so did I!
The focus of our session was to work through a way to express to my mom how I have felt in the past, and without placing blame, making her see my point of view. Huge challenge! I was brought to my deeper need and severance built and then we decided to go up the path towards the parking lot, to that swinging bench and statue. It seemed like a great place, because I didn’t need to face my coach, and she suggested that I speak directly to the statue (fittingly a woman). It was emotional, heart-felt, and really came from my core. This was skillfully guided by my coach, and yet, now I understand how important the word ‘guide’ is. Because your client really does that work (hopefully), you as a coach, are guiding them to these big realizations. In my case, it was feeling safe to even have that conversation. Fast forward about a month, and I did have a very good conversation with my mom when she was visiting me. I felt like I could express my feelings in a way that was forward, focused and yet not abrasive or mean (my fear). My mom responded incredibly well.
As a coach, I feel that it’s important to focus on powerful questions, deep and active listening and establishing trust and intimacy with my client.-
Lauren, thank you for opening up about your threshold experience. I remember this intensive, how transformative these sessions were for you. It’s incredible how guides literally guide client’s into a stronger and deeper awareness of themselves. As one of your clients, I know first hand how mind rocking a threshold experience can be.
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Response:
Wendy, a few things that you said really stood out: One being that you ‘started somewhere and ended somewhere very different’ in your experience of threshold. It is interesting how much a session can shift from what your client first presents, to what comes out when they get to the meat of what’s going on for them. That being said, you starting with ‘living an inauthentic life’ and being upset that you weren’t given/or giving your self permission to live how you want without disappointing others, is what came up through severance and your eventual threshold…my how life has changed! 😉 I appreciated your comments of the core competencies being a ‘work in progress. I agree. It’s spending time practicing and honing our skills, because we do have them. Finally, your comment of ‘I’m not there to provide the answer but to guide the client to actions for which they are responsible and over which they have a sense of ownership.’ I am totally on board with. You and I are fixers, but this is definitely a quote for us to keep in the back of our minds. -
Response: Amanda, great personal reflection in your initial post! I didn’t see you after our initial intensive until December, and some of the things you talk about in your post I noticed. But most importantly, once you trusted yourself and let go, you eased in and rocked the sessions out! After going through this whole year, I started to realize that not every client is the same, we may miss some pieces along the way, but if we relax a bit and take in what we are hearing, as opposed to listening to every work verbatim, we do a lot better at asking those powerful questions and connecting with our clients. There isn’t a ‘right way’ to do anything. It’s this dance that we have with our clients and hopefully we don’t step on each other’s toes too much. 😉 As long as we are being professional and sharing our gifts, we are doing our job. Keep it up!
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Response to Lauren:
I remember this session as if it was this morning! It was truly one of the most powerful experiences in the whole program to have the privilege of guiding you thru’ that threshold experience. At the time, neither of us knew how it would turn out but, your life now…wow!
As a coach, for some reason, this session stands out for me as something which just made sense and flowed pretty organically. The want and deeper need seemed to surface fairly quickly and then it made sense to move to threshold. As you say, we moved to the swing and Nature just became part of the experience. It was a safe and comfortable space which seemed to nurture you in a way that you were able to envision the future conversation with your mom.
(I often go back to that spot as it has amazing energy, particularly with the memory of that session, which seemed to break your heart open in a beautiful way!) -
Response to Amanda:
Thru’ the year, I’ve watched you torture yourself over the notion that you have to get it right! You are an intuitive and gentle guide and I recommend that it would really benefit you to continue to recognize when you get in your head and call a time-out to remind yourself to simply stay with what feels right.
I often forget about the power of the sacred questions but this could be a great tool for you if you sense you’re getting in your head – stop, ask a sacred question so that the client can talk and you can get out of your head and back into your awesome coaching flow. -
Summary:
As I went into this module, I found it hard to imagine how such a seemingly structured process could work. We studied the theory and the many components of the threshold experience but I found my brain telling me that it felt awkward and unnatural. However, the experience that Lauren describes above felt quite the opposite – it flowed so organically and she was the one who took the deep breath and the end and said she felt complete and ready.
I recognize that this is not always the case and I have continued to find it hard, at times, to help a client to identify the deeper need. Much as Amanda has said, I find that I can get into my head and be too focused on the desire to get to threshold; I have to remember that we won’t get there every session and that’s OK. As long as I remember the sacred questions, try to guide my client back to the want and deeper need and away from story and partner with them thru’ the session, that’s likely a good outcome.
It’s clear to me that it takes tons of practice to become skilled at the severance process but I’m also committed to it now that I’ve witnessed it have such a powerful impact, literally, on someone’s life path and relationships. -
Summary
I remember feeling like I had to get everything right when I started guiding people. I remember over thinking during sessions as a guide, not always knowing where I was, where I was supposed to go and how to convey the conversation gracefully and fulfilling to my client. During this time, I hadn’t trusted my capabilities as a guide, someone who could take a client into severance, threshold and incorporation. Nonetheless, practice makes perfect! -
Summary Post:
Wendy, you make a really good point when you say it was hard to imagine how such a structured process could work. I think that is what I found so intimidating with the whole threshold process. I was so confused as to how I was going to get my client to that point. Later I finally realized that I wasn’t the one GETTING my client to that point. It was them. And, when I didn’t overanalyze the whole process, was when my client seemed to have the best experiences in threshold. I also realized that no two thresholds are ever the same, and with the guidance of nature, it can be so beautiful to watch.
