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APNC 2.2 (Summer/Fall 18) C4
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2 Replies
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My wanders in Saspol village in Northern India:
I went on an unintentional wander up the path toward the mediation caves. I noticed wild rose bushes to my right and then a chorus of fluttering within the dense bushes—many small birds were feeding on the rose hips. I couldn’t see them but the bushes moving signaled me. I stopped my wander and was very still. The birds sensed I was there and watching them. A group of 20-30 birds began fluttering into the top of the apricot tree just behind. I could see them now, and looked at them intently, feeling they were up there to get a better look at me before saying goodbye. Then that group all took flight at the same time, creating the wonderful fluttering sound of many small wings as they flew to the west. This happened two more times; the birds would rise into the tall tree behind, and then after 10 seconds or so—at some signal I could not sense— that group would flutter away. I could almost feel their wing beats and I was astonished to find the bushes held so many birds. My thinking has totally stopped and I was just in awe at the event. Of course I wondered what the message was in that moment. I still wonder. But I am certain that there was a connection between me and those birds—that we were deeply aware of each other. For a while I got lost in trying hard to decipher—to make meaning out of— the encounter. Now it seems very simple: I am connected always, and more connected when I am in a state of deep awareness. They were pausing there to let that sense of connection take place. They were so delicate and innocent, and I felt honored by their presence. Lesson: When I pause, to let the beauty in as John said, and stop trying so hard to find something—meaning, answers, whatever—then I feel (at least for a moment) that I AM that beauty and all is right with the world and my place in it.
Thoughts in terms of life and career: I find myself struggling to let myself be guided, to relax into this moment. I want an outcome, a goal: “Go to that tree, maybe I should make it to the top of this hill”, etc. For me there are “thinking-related” goals and “feeling-related” ones. I experience difficulty in my life when only focusing on the thinking. As for my career, I feel that being a life coach is something that speaks to my heart. My thinking mind sometimes finds all kinds of reasons why this is a stupid idea. “Not good enough” “How could I possibly…”etc. But these are exactly the thoughts many clients would have. As they say, you can’t take someone to a place you haven’t been before yourself”. So that’s where I am. -
I am feeling like I need more time to really put all of this together… the sacred breathes, the 7 surrender breaths, the wanders, 7 stairs, etc. Processing how I am working through these and figuring out what i am getting out of each of them for my own personal journey.
Sandy’s comment above, about “you can’t take someone to a place you haven’t been before yourself” resonated deeply with me.
I love the idea of enlisting a friend to work on this with as a practice client and have a couple that would be perfect… but feel I need to be more comfortable with it all before I try and guide someone in this way.
It is interesting because for all the experience I have of teaching of hard skills for outdoor experiences, this taking it to a new level of turning inward is much harder than I expected. While I instinctually and personally know the power of the outdoors, learning how to see it and frame it from this lens is much harder than expected. That being said, I am enjoying the challenge.
