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Step 3: Participate in the Discussion About This Lesson #4
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19 Replies
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This Parts Work stuff is quite amazing and I’m having a lot of fun with this process! I am interested in creating a portable mandala and pulling it out as the need arises. I will be working on this while in the desert lands of Death Valley and can’t wait to see what appears in this regard! As mentioned previously, I have done a significant amount of work around balancing my masculine/feminine parts and yet now understanding that perhaps there are additional parts within those parts (ie: dominant male figure/adolescent? & passive female figure/child?) I am stepping more fully into these parts and exploring a deeper understanding of needs beyond the basic balancing act.
Michael also mentioned that just because we work hard to make changes does not mean we are changed in that it’s a process of reintegration with intention. The new program/behavior is strengthened by priming the pump with intention (neuropathways) and identifying what might trigger reactions and old patterns of behavior. In essence we are grounding ourselves in a new pattern and anchoring ourselves each time we recognize old behavior and replace with new behavior. I have been working on this re-programming for a few years now, and what I’m beginning to understand is that the observer self can prime the pump with intention, but if we don’t go deeper within to identify the affected Parts, we’re dealing only with the situation at hand, the trigger. As well, the concentric rings that ripple out from us may be playing a huge role in triggering unwanted patterns in others. This process is a life-long exploration of self. Fascinating, right?-
“…if we don’t go deeper within to identify the affected Parts, we’re dealing only with the situation at hand, the trigger.”
Spot on, Cate. I think of being in nature, and how when we go in unprepared we deal with the environment and elements in the immediate moment as they affect us, but with a little preparation and understanding of the deeper Parts, we can foresee what nature is going to bring us and be able to respond or pre-empt the situation rather than simply react to it, often to our detriment.
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It’s continual awareness for sure. “Reintegration with intention.” I have this desire to feel this and not use these as buzz words. Right now I am working to embody what is felt and step back without the running commentary or any judgement and allow and even dialog with it. Sometimes I can see what’s going on and sometimes it happens so fast I’m lost in it before I know it. It’s encouraging to hear Michael repeat we just keep coming back to this moment. It’s my experience that while being at sit spot, that slowing down helps let my edges, defenses, mind, to soften and relax. THAT helps to let in what is already ongoing as nature herself to come into my body and experience…attention. The exercises are good practice tools.
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So true that this is lifelong work and purposeful integration or re-integration of those parts of our self, particularly the ones that are marginalized, injured, misunderstood, troublesome or misguided. This is the soul work of moving toward wholeness – not perfection or even presentableness ( is that even a word! I digress briefly because for years I thought the goal in life was presentableness – perhaps a good title for a book.) I’ve come to see that Soul cares very little for presentableness and much more about unfettered Living! I like to think that among other things, Soul is an endless reservoir of loving-kindness and Source of harmonious flow. Soul acknowledges each part and can guide that part toward its peaceful place in the River.
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My morning routine usually involves a cup of coffee in a quiet, dark corner of the house before the kids get up, but as part of this session, I went outside and found a sit spot in the nook of a tree. Our house is in town surrounded by other buildings, and our yard is just open grass with one tree next to the dog kennel. It’s all downright un-inspirational. Still, I was amazed at the sensation of connection I felt when I sat in the dirt with my back against a tree. Even though I was looking through the dog kennel fence to the backside of my house, I was still connected to the earth. My dogs were utterly excited that I was down on their level, too. Up and to the right, the moon rose in the darkening sky, and despite the urban clutter, a smile crept across my face.
I am new to Partswork and Mandalas, but I am not new to reflective work or the spiritual journey. Being in tune with my internal balance and cueing in on the internal dynamics of someone I’m engaged with is a practice I’ve developed over many years, so much of what we are currently discussing feels like a different way to approach familiar topics. I think it will take more time for these practices to take on their own shape, if you will.
The preliminary benefit I can see from using something like the mandala in my work with others is to have a tangible way of measuring that internal balance. That can be a great tool for someone who is not used to doing that. Like Partswork, it names the different elements being measured or tuned into. At least, that’s what I’m getting out of it so far.
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Todd,
Thank you for sharing about your sit spot. I love that you gave it a solid go despite it seeming un-inspiring, and that you found your connection. It makes sense that no matter where we are, even if it’s a paved city – nature is there – the sky, the wind, the birds, the earth that is just below the pavement, the green things that grow wherever they can find a spot to. We don’t actually need to wait for things to be “perfect” or head into the wilderness to have fulfilling experiences with nature. I think there is a great metaphor here with your description of the busyness, the lack of aesthetics etc in your location, yet you are able to make a connection with nature. Isn’t this the core of mindfulness – finding our center when our minds feel like chaos? What better place is there to cultivate a nature connection practice than in a place that seems un-nature-y?
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One of the primary reasons I enrolled in this course was to revisit and reconnect to the information and practices related to PartsWork. I have found it such a good tool in clarifying the conversational dynamics within myself and others. Simply asking myself the question, Who’s showing up right now? Who’s struggling with ____________ ? What do they tend to say in situations like this? Do you have name or symbol for that part? It has been really helpful in working with someone in a sacred circle context particularly outdoors where sticks, pine cones, blossoms, rocks can serve as characters in the drama. It’s such a great way to get a thing out of your head and into the material and observable world in order to work with it and clarify the dynamics. And, combined with four shields work as someone mentioned, you can locate the part in the quadrant from which it speaks, or ask it to assume a different quadrant and experiment with a different tone borrowed from another part of the self. And, it’s easy to demonstrate how parts tend to position themselves in relationship to one another in the scenarios of life situations. And, it helps us to see who we can bring to the conversation, particularly the mature version of a part or sub-personality (Plotkin). In the coaching relationship, where growth (not fixing) is the goal, partswork is a great tool.
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Sit Spot routine – Sensory Awareness and Programming
This was a great exercise and I am really looking forward to using this for a children’s workshop and playing with it to grab their attention.
Daily Parts Mandala. I worked on this exercise with my coach last week. to be honest it was more difficult than I thought. I have been spending so much time researching and working on helping others that I sometimes forget to turn inward to scan who I am. this is a helpful exercise and my coach interviewed my part as a healer and the conflict that it had with another part of myself. made me realize that I there should never be a conflict with two parts. a part should always re direct to the soul.Practice, a few times, tuning into another person’s council when interacting with them. I have tried this a couple time with a few of my close clients. the only thing I felt was becoming a bit more intuitive of what they needed during their session.
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So inspiring to read everyone’s responses to this topic. I am so happy to know that there are other people around the country who take soul work seriously. This is not easy work. I think my care and love for learning about myself and others keeps me digging deeper and deeper, even when it gets tough.
Something that is coming up for me right now is “soul-directed” living within the context of partswork. I imagine that someone must feel a strong connection to their soul before diving into partswork. I would like to learn more tools for helping people connect with their soul (one reason why I signed up for the NCC program). I am guessing that everyone has a different way of connecting with soul and a different definition for soul, but there must be some similarities amongst individuals. I wonder if there are similarities and patterns within cultures on how people approach and develop connection with soul.
I am curious about Cate and Tom’s comments on “triggers”. Partswork is very new to me, and I have a lot to experience myself. It is helpful to hear Cate’s comment on triggers…”if we don’t go deeper within to identify the affected Parts, we’re dealing only with the situation at hand, the trigger…” As a new person to partswork, this is definitely insightful to hear. I imagine that it is really important to have an open mind and to not get too attached to beliefs about a particular “trigger” or definition of a part. Maybe we can choose to shift our perception, and therefore the internal effects, of a trigger.
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Love your response. I am also taking the NCC course because coming into awareness of my Soul has been the foundation of my healing work. Without tapping into who I actually am, I would not be able to make changes, and to recognize those deeper layers. I think if everyone were even just a bit more connected with their Soul, so to speak, they would be more interested in the other work. The Soul is like the gateway to healing, because once we feel the essence of all that we are, we are primed to believe that we can actually access it, and therefore can gain some determination in doing the work to achieve that wholeness.
I’ve realized some triggers for myself lately where I have actually been forcing a new response to it. Sometimes the very concept of food gives me anxiety because of body image and self-control fears, and now that I have realized this, when anxiety comes up I literally just talk myself down like “I am relaxed. I am peaceful. I am calm. Food is my friend. I love my body.” I feel like it’s working, and my belief in that simple restructuring makes me more patient with myself. Triggers are interesting and sometimes very subtle. Definitely something I would like to expand on in my personal practice.
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I am late to answer this question because I have been traveling. It is interesting to be enrolled in a course like this as someone who does travel a lot for work (or at least, will be from this point on), because it is somewhat more difficult to have “routines” when every single day seems to require something new, or to be in another place. However, all of the exercises that we have learned in this course are possible anywhere, anytime, which is what I really appreciate about this work.
I have collected items that represent all of my parts as currently understood, and put them in a small medicine pouch that I can take anywhere I go. I took this with my on my recent 10 day adventure, but did not really have the space to lay out my parts. In fact, it was difficult to find much time for self-reflection as I was working and moving around nonstop, but I was appreciative to have a physical reminder of my Soul work with me the whole time (even if it just sort of stayed among my socks and underwear). Simply gathering these objects was a meditative and helpful exercise that allowed me to understand myself better, and now I have something that I can take with me and hopefully be more intentional about using in future travels.
I tried tapping into everyone’s vision councils when I was traveling as well, especially in the airport. That became a little overwhelming very quickly and I would not necessarily recommend it if you already have social anxiety or claustrophobic tendencies. That said, this practice has made me more aware of the depth that resides in each individual, and has especially brought me deeper into my own life experience. It’s like I have somehow sunk into this more substantial dimension of reality where ancestral ties and relationships hold more weight, and I feel closer to those that came before me and the same of those I come into contact with.
When it comes to my sit spot, I have sort of adopted wherever I am as my sit spot, especially because it is now getting cold outside and that log does not seem quite as attractive as it did earlier this year. Each night I do meditate on my cushion however, and even on those nights where I feel like I don’t have the energy, I am pulled to it and find such peace in just sitting and tapping into those higher frequencies of who I am on a deeper level. It makes me happy that my body asks that of me, and that I actually enjoy carving time out to be still. I am learning a lot about myself on a level that is somewhat subconscious. I can feel changes being made and I can already see manifestations in my everyday life, though I imagine the revelations will be coming like a wave in the next year. I’m adopting patience and compassion as my M.O. with this work and it’s making it extremely enjoyable.
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It’s inspiring for you to share your anxiety around food and body image Kelly. What I especially like about your comment is how the process took you to an action, a solution. Creating affirmations that stick, that would be a good topic to cover as well.
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Wow! there is just so much here, and so many things I want to respond to in addition to my answers to the original question – I don’t know where to start and what to say!
About “triggers”: This was life-long challenge for me until I found a body of healing work that works with the energetics of the survival brain to reset it when it becomes “hijacked” by the fight/flight response and more deeply, to clear it of “programs” that may once have served us well and kept us safe, but now limit us. 8 years into having these tools in my toolbox, and I am in a much different relationship to triggers or core issues and have so much more command of my responses. There are similarities in terminology and the concepts in this course to the healing work I practice, but the tools are very different. I am working hard to identify the intersections, to assimilate and integrate it all.
About the Soul: About wanting to discern and connect with it more. Such good stuff. Confusing a little too because I think there are different frameworks about the Soul. I understand the Soul to be the part of us that is pure essence, pure presence, or pure consciousness. It is the me that is unfettered by protections, distortions, toxicity etc, is connected with Source/Spirit and is hoping to express through this body of mine. I think it takes a lot of mindfulness to be able to discern that part of oneself. I also think that it’s very difficult to experience just your own essence as a singular experience because we are constantly in relationship to other. That said, we can try to live from our own essence and to be Soul-directed is to do just that instead of living from a place of fear and reactivity.
Parts Work: As I said, I’m trying to assimilate. I probably have too many thoughts about the parts work to write down here. Wish we could have actual discussions!! I really enjoyed tapping into the different voices and sources of wisdom within me. It has helped me move through a couple of inner conflicts as opposed to get stuck looping in them. Because I’m influenced by my “primal brain” training, I believe that the voices we hear loudest when we say “who is talking right now?” belong to parts of us that experienced some kind of wound (when very young, or as a result of a trauma, for example) around a core issue that resulted in a survival program in the brain that influences our thoughts and emotions. I think we need to heal the splits within us and I think parts work is a great tool for that. It’s possible we can heal the wounds of the wounded parts and therefore become more integrated. Where I start to have dissonance with the parts work is that I think there are other “voices” influencing us that do not belong to our parts and that we could mistakenly assign them to parts because the framework of parts work doesn’t seem to have anywhere else to put them. For example, I have found over the years in healing work that some illnesses and toxins have their own essence and voice that are perceived not only when they are in the body but sometimes with a vengeance when they are releasing from the body. One example is parasites. They have a particular essence and can stimulate a lot of thoughts and feelings around victimization. I have had a profound experience of intense victim thoughts and distortions while cleansing from parasites. Another phenomena not necessarily ours are beliefs, structures and systems created by the societies and cultures around us. Such things can very much interfere with the Souls expression. As humans, we have a deep need to adapt and conform. But do those impulses come from parts? We might assign them to parts creating more story and perhaps more “identity” than is required or even generative. The last thing I’ll say about parts is I get uncomfortable when I see everyone’s parts in little boxes on paper arranged in the mandala. It seems so fixed and limited. I know we discussed that they can and do change over time…but it feels a little like a framework that could potentially limit me in my healing. That said, I have not rejected the parts work out of hand and am still exploring it. Again, healing the splits within is needed before we can heal the splits on the outside – in this very divided world.
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Many wonderful sharings. I fate some time experiencing expanding my sensory awareness and delving deeper into parts work I feel changed. As I expanded my awareness, I and paid attention to my physical body, I realized my body feels tense and in constant state of stress and tight. I realized I had not been letting go of what my sensory body was taking. In my work, I am constantly looking and observing the world around me, and paying attention to what it out of the “norm”. Looking at the part of me, I just call the “worker”. I have not been letting the “worker” return to a state of rest. I had been keeping the “worker” on when at home, when driving, it, even if it was not on the forefront, the “worker” was definitely at the surface in all other areas of my life, which was getting in. The way of me being more present when another part of myself was needing attention. The “rejuvenator”. My body and entire system requires rest and relaxation. I realized, I have not been feeding that part of me. I my physical body and mind have been feeling like it’s on overdrive, even when I am have been sitting still. I noticed, even when in my “sit” spot, I have not been able to reach a more relaxed physical state. My breath, I been having to consciously let my breath go and remind myself to breath.
Taking a look at these few parts of myself, and realized the “worker” I would like to take less information in. So adjusting my sensory awareness to reduce information, not shutting life or others out, just filtering it better, so I can be more present with myself. Interesting enough, as I noticed I was more present with myself, I felt it was easier to be more present with others. So I sat at my ‘sit” spot, which often times the my dogs come outside with me. I quietly watch them play, as I noticed my energy shift, so does theirs. I laughed all of the sudden they both would just stop wrestling and look up at me from across the yard and stare at me for a number of seconds waiting to see if I would do anything. Then nothing happens, and they returned to play…haha. I actually felt my body relaxed.
As I have been creating more opportunity to rejuvenate, it’s been a bit easier to put into practice tuning into to others while assisting them. I found listening to what’s beneath the surface instead on the surface allowed me to assist the person better. Often times I just had to actively listen, they would come to their own resolution. There was nothing I needed to do other than be present.
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At Cbul0232,
You have a lot of insight and thought Provoking content.yes, I too wish there was room for more discussion. Parts work and past work is such an engaging and interface I’ve topic/experience.
I find your experiences with illness and healing having there own energy is quite on point and can bring in varying thoughts and feelings which can manifest further into illness. Interesting enough, even the healing process can appear to illness, it’s just reversing its way out. I found when working with clients, and my own experience with healing the self, often times the “illness” does not want to leave so a “battle” energy and frequency occurs. All things are a level of energy and frequency, when they no longer vibrate in a manner that is in synergy or conducive to operating in a healthy way the energy needs to raise or lower to operate harmoniously. The physical, emotional, mental, energetic, spiritual aspects of the human system are in a constant state of flux. I found when returning to the soul, coming from place of neutrality the less the “story” I might tell myself matters. The details of why I might have an illness or what the healing looks likes no longer matters. When I from the soul centered approach, the only thing the matters is how I approach the healing or illness. Am I angry or in a place of gratitude for the experience…I know that may sound strange being in a place of gratitude, for experiencing an illness, but If a soul continues to re-incarnate time and time again, and I get to clear energy through experiencing and illness, I can be in a state of gratitude the experience, hold compassion for myself etc…which then I can extend that same compassion to others.
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I’m late to respond to this session and have been feeling self-conscious about the fact that my work schedule has not been allowing me to join the live class with you all. I’ve missed that. Please know that I have been here, though, doing the work.
With my time at my sit spot, with my time wandering in nature, even in the regular middle-of-the-day moments at work, I’ve been allowing the power/potential of partswork to deepen in my experience. It’s profound. Early on, I saw that I have a part I call “the Do-er,” and she has allowed me to achieve so much in life – she’s a work horse! I can count on her to get to work and get the job done, even when I’m exhausted. And, she’s been running the show for a long time. I also identified a “Seeker” part. She wants everything I do to have deep heart and meaning, to connect with the Universe, with Spirit, with something greater than myself. She looks for moments of awe and bliss and holds those as higher priority over accomplishment and a paycheck at the end of the day. For much of my career over the past 20 years, my Do-er has been in the lead, but I’m at a point in my life where my Seeker is refusing to continue taking a back seat. And, quite honestly, my Do-er is tired and ready for a change. So, I’ve been consciously allowing my Seeker to step forward.
I recently took my Seeker for a little journey, a wander in nature so that we could get to know each other better. I made her really BIG on my mandala. To my amazement, she let me know that she found the world to be loud and harsh, like too many neon signs buzzing and blinking all at once, and that – unbeknownst to me – I had not been protecting her from this…quite the opposite, in fact, I thought I’d somehow “toughen her up” with continuous exposure to the real world (the Realist/Practical One in me speaking there). But the Seeker doesn’t work like that. She is the essence of softness and stillness and beauty of deep, quiet calm. She will always prefer the scent and feel of fresh rose petals or the way my neighbor’s goat’s eyes close in a moment of bliss when I scratch under his chin, to most anything else in life…LOL…So, the message was quiet (not loud) and clear – I need to consciously create those moments every day, rather than enjoy them when they happen to occur randomly.
I’ve been terrible at creating regular, daily practices in my life. My Do-er couldn’t care less about them if they’re not directly related to the work I do. But with my Seeker stepping forward, letting me know what it important to cultivate my relationship with her, suddenly those daily practices take on a completely new meaning and level of importance to me.
Thank you.
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You sum up the doer and seeker very well! Beautifully said, (“She is the essence of softness and stillness and beauty of deep, quiet calm. She will always prefer the scent and feel of fresh rose petals or the way my neighbor’s goat’s eyes close in a moment of bliss when I scratch under his chin, to most anything else in life…LOL…So, the message was quiet (not loud) and clear”). My Doer is also tired, but when my seeker finds something that sparks joy my Doer kicks in, always on stand by. I think about these two also in the form of masculine and feminine energy.
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Parts work is amazing, after catching on to the concept of it and how it works, I work mine daily. Focusing on it and realizing “hey this is where I need to be” helps be not stay stuck in one place.
Also the sit spots with the meditations help with my breathing. I tend to breath in and out of my chest which tends to cause a lot of stress, so slow breathing out of my stomach and nose, helps me calm down and focus. -
I engaged in this course for many reasons, but I am surprised to find such joy in a re-connection with myself. It has been some years since we have had any real quality time and I forget how much I missed visiting with my parts in a conscious way. This process too is so much more friendly. When I studied psychology and worked in the field early in my career, there was always such a focus on the analysis and diagnostics. It was a time, if you are old enough, where there was not the same focus on self care and self love. In fact, spending so much time in this journey would have been, and for me did, feel self absorbed. It was, and still is, hard to grant myself permission to require inward time for myself.
I reflect greatly on how this impacts my relationships. The tendency to allow the needs of others to come in front of my own I can feel sometimes drains me of my grounded, solid, strength. On the other hand, being in a relationship can provide an easy substitute for the security needed to feel grounded, solid, and strong. While common knowledge that one must care for themselves in order to be successful in other areas of their lives, it should be more embraced.
This leads me to a lot of thought I have had around using parts work in working with couples or any relationship. Isn’t that what dating is….getting to know the parts of a person. I doubt we will get to dynamics of partswork in this course but interesting to me all the same.
