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Step 3: Participate in the Discussion About This Lesson
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7 Replies
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I am really excited to try the challenge Michel gave us. Blind fold and try and make it back to my original spot. Learning to trust myself is key before I can help other help themselves and I think this is a great practice.
I just moved to a new location so having to find a new sit spot has been kinda hard. But my wide angle vision has been in tune thats for sure. -
I reflected on deep listening with a friend of mine who is a self-proclaimed “horrible listener who wants to be a good listener” as I thought that might make for some interesting observations. Our conversation started with just normal chatting, catching up and sharing recent stories. I wanted to kind of get a baseline of the energy and a sense for the reciprocal listening from my friend, which was marginal at best, haha! When I shifted the conversation to the topic of deep listening and shared an experience of how I used it on a run the day prior, I could sense an energy shift….I could see an ear perk up. Body language changed in a way that I would identify with a good listener. The cell phone was not only put down but placed with the face down, which was not being done before. We all have a sense within us that tunes in at an amplified level when something is being discussed that we need to improve on. Kind of like the brain’s way of saying “hey, pay attention to this. This is important.” There was an immediate interest in the details of how to develop and hone these skills. It was quite amazing to see this play out in front of my eyes. It was like a direct view into the brain. Would I have noticed this in any conversation had I not learned the concept? Absolutely not. And now we were both engaged in a conversation where both sides had a real vested interest. The interesting part was when we shifted from the topic from deep listening to the next topic and seeing yet another change. I could sense him trying to consciously use deep listening while I was talking and I could tell he was distracted. It had come so easily to him without him even realizing it just 20 minutes prior. I think this is a good reminder that we all have this ability naturally within us.
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David, What a beautiful experience to have shared with a friend – especially one who was not normally a good listener! Way to not give up on someone and instead model how to deeply listen!
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My boyfriend’s parents are visiting for two weeks. Both are blessed with the gift of gab and struggle to listen to others. There is a lot of tension between them and consequently my boyfriend responds by being short with them. Their communication pattern makes me feel sad and uncomfortable. This has been a perfect opportunity for me to practice deep listening not only to them but to my boyfriend and his son who struggle to deal with the change in the house.
Practicing deep listening has been simple in the sense that I am creating space and staying open and present with each individual to talk. However, I find that listening to all the drama has also left me feeling drained. When I notice I’m feeling triggered by something someone said I try to focus on something that grounds me- my breath, sensations in my hands, the noises around me and I switch into wide-angle vision while listening to them which helps calm me down. I’ve noticed how starved I am at times to feel heard too.
I’ve learned from this practice how starved certain people are to be heard and how drastic their demeanor changes once they have been heard. I’ve also learned how important grounding exercises are during triggering conversations. I’ve also made it a point to take some time to myself to recharge my batteries. Deep listening is one of the most beautiful gifts we can offer to each other.
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July 18, 2019, 8:30am; Corwina Park in Evergreen was the location of the outing I will refer to in this reflection. I facilitated a Relational Rewilding (my business) hike for 8 mental health practitioners from the Denver area. The deep listening for this day began about 4 weeks ago when asked to guide this group. The day was a combination of retreat and reflection of their work in the school district. Typically, this day consists of them being in a conference room with lunch served while discussing their work. Luckily they have a new coordinator that truly wanted to provide a retreat and connective opportunity for them all.
The initial invite proposed to them was to drop their professional identity of themselves and one another, and to begin inhabiting their living, breathing, animal body walking in and on living, breathing, animate land. We slowly and quietly walked into the park, about 20 minutes in, and sat under a stand of Ponderosa Pines. There we did our ‘ecological introductions’. To begin explaining this I spoke as a Ponderosa introducing himself – sharing what nourishes, stabilizes, feeds, and protects him. Others followed sharing similar qualities of themselves. After, questions were arising about the pine resin, its scent, its purpose. We discussed what pine resin (or pitch) is, the volatile oil components of the material, and its function which is largely to protect the tree from insect invasions, fungus, pathogens… Further questions arose about the protective properties of herbaceous plants as well as trees. I began to weave in a parallel discussion about humans protective strategies – our own and our clients. A theme was born. As we meandered, a diversity of plants continued to show themselves and their protective features. Some of them more obvious than others. The bristles on raspberry, the thorns on gooseberry, the waxy leaves of penstemon, the bitter tannins in wild geranium, the alkaloids in poison hemlock, the red sap that runs through aspen… Scattered perfectly along our trail were such a variety of protective mechanisms – all in their beautiful and functional expressions. Conversations continued about the diversity of their clients protective strategies, the gifts they bring, the judgements they engender, and the chronic disconnection they can cause when used as a life strategy rather than a protective strategy. Each one of us was listening deeply to one another, to the words spoken and to the difficulties experienced as practitioners. Yes, nature participated, and I suppose you can say there was synchronicity. There was a healthy, organic, dynamic flow between sensory engagement, metaphorical reflections, laughter, chit chat and quiet. The level of contact everyone made with one another and with the environment increased in quality and quantity as the day went on. Though I was listening and creating openings for engagement based on what I was sensing from individuals and the group, it seemed more like the land around us was listening to what this group needed and wanted today. Grateful.
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Once again, the experiences everyone shared inspire me to continue the practice of Deep Listening.
While I realize that I need to practice this much more for it to begin to feel more natural, I’m having some challenges separating from the pattern to go into my head and be concerned about if the people I am doing it with think I’m distracted, which as Michael points out in the instructions, further separates me from from continuing Deep Listening.
I experimented with a client and while I did feel there was in increased connection and vulnerabilities being shared, in time I abandoned the practice because of concern about being perceived as not listening and the societal story of maintaining eye contact won the day.
I tried this with my parents who there is sometimes tension with as my mother often judges my current life path. I thought it was going well until my Mom said “Are you even listening to me?” I chuckle and told her I was practicing Deep Listening from my NCC course and she left the room. My Dad and I did have a beautiful conversation and I do believe that the conversation and my presence were expanded. It felt wonderful as I could tell my Dad was grateful to be fully listened to.
Finally, I used this yesterday on a hike with two new friends and really found it to be a powerful tool. I’m aware that the nature of hiking together allows a lack of eye contact, so perhaps that made it easier for me to not let the concern of how I was being perceived get into my thoughts.
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Thank you very much for all your beautiful sharings. I think deep listening is also an “active” listening. Active because you are sensing what you are listening and also you are going beyond what you listen, hear and see. You are going beyond your client’s story, sensing his/her energy. It is like to see beyond the masks to be aligned with the other’s energy. Deep listening requires slowing down, paying attention to details, having a wide-angle vision focusing on the big picture and nurture your intuition. Deep listening is not an easy practice in this frantic world. Deep connection with Nature could be the right way to train ourselves to deep listening with our friends, family, colleagues and clients.
