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Foundation Three Discussion
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25 Replies
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Not having received a lot of coaching (yet), I have had two clear and very different experiences with threshold. The first is what I call “30 years to be an overnight success” the second was much closer to what was described in Gunnison, an “aha” moment that was a jumping off point to creating the transformation I am seeking.
The first, a letting go of story, was a realization of how tightly I was holding to a version of myself that no longer served me. I had told myself the story for sooo long that letting go of its familiarity was not comfortable…it was a normalized pathway in my nervous system. Simultaneously, over the years, I had been working hard to overcome my related fears. I still had them but they no longer controlled me in the same way. I stopped outwardly living my shyness and fear of rejection, though at times it was intense. Somewhere in my late 40s, much of the fear left and I came into myself but still the story hadn’t changed. I would slip into it when it was convenient or uncontrollably showed up like a boulder in the middle of the road. The coaching threshold happened when I heard myself say, “it’s time to give up the story” – a story I had previously been unwilling to admit I was living! As soon as I made the commitment, I felt a sense of freedom. It was as though I had been building a new neural pathway for years, and with the commitment, I switched highways! I was ready, the groundwork had been laid, I just needed a coach to help me see and in a sense give me permission, to be me, in front of everybody else!
Interestingly I found the second form of threshold experience to not only to be a jumping off point but it actually opened the door for other topics of coaching that are interrelated and supportive of the original topic. My desire to be more structured and organized is strong but the ability is not yet ingrained in my nervous system. I experience it as though my nervous system is seeking the inroads to creating this change. What the coaching did was upload a threshold that provided me permission to move forward. The “aha” moment was the sudden awareness of the story I had been telling myself that prevented any major degree of change. It also provided glimpses of what I need to do to make the change and who I would be once it made. The fear lessened but still I knew I need to move forward gently reassessing myself each step of the way to be sure the changes suit and serve me.
Having these two very different experiences with threshold helps me to not have expectations of how a client might react or behave when moving into threshold. It is important for me to deeply listen and assist a client in navigating their own experience in a way that best serves the client. I also realize that threshold can potentially be very emotional and/or a moment of awakening. Holding the space for this can be key. Allowing the client to move forward in his/her own time is something I need to be sensitive to and not impose my own perspective or inclinations.
Flow, change, and cycles are three aspects of nature that I consistently find helpful in understanding and moving through my own situations and now apply to my interactions with coaching clients. Water/Flow naturally seeks the path of least resistance…it reminds me to seek the simpler path, and not over-complicate life. I think this concept was at the forefront when I let go of the old story…and realized how needlessly difficult I had been making my life.
Changes abound in nature often following cyclical patterns. This assists me in how I perceive any situation, my own or a client’s. I try look at it in terms of the bigger picture. I look for particular patterns from a global perspective so that I can understand how my patterns of behavior serve me in my life. I hope to help clients do the same. I am very aware that I have to be careful not to lead my client from my perspective but assist her/him in discovering his/her own understandings. Coyote’s guide provides a very clear description of the Natural cycles. Knowing change in nature is consistent and constant brings me comfort in allowing for my own changes, planned and spontaneous. Being able to see these changes in the context of the Natural cycles, gives me a sense of trust in my own growth. The viewing of the micro/specific within the macro/global over time, offers the possibility of deeper understanding as well as direction for creating positive transformation.Both threshold experiences happened when I was able to reconnect my specific behaviors (micro) with the larger context (global), being how they served me and why they developed, at the time they developed. Once I did I became aware that the old patterns did not fit with the new context (where I am now in my life). With this awareness came choice. With choice, commitment.
I am amused at how the submission of this post represents my commitment to change…and what a bumpy road it is. Here I am, having worked diligently to get this post in on time, while knowing I still have not completed all the work from the previous sections. The inroads to being organized (and caught up) are a work in progress. Still it’s good to be on a path to transformation and growth…with all of you. 🙂
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Hi Shari – Reading through your post, really illustrates how the Threshold can truly change the thinking someone has during a coaching session(s). And the awareness that once the thinking changes, the behaviors can start to follow. Not that it is necessarily instant but there is that moment comes when the needed changes can start happening. And the commitment comes. That is really powerful. And thank you for being so open on this!
And you are so right in that we need to listen, be there and hold the space for the client in what they need to have this same type of experience. And if they don’t move in this way to give them the space for that as well. This awareness that you noted in which everyone moves in the way that is appropriate to them is where we, as coaches, need to respect that and not push our feelings/actions/emotions on anyone.
Change, committing to change, really committing to change – during and after – yes, so bumpy! Been having some struggles lately with staying true to my path and just reading this and knowing am not alone helps. You & the whole group!-
So much good stuff, Shari and Kim! First, Shari “…helps me to not have expectations of how a client might react or behave when moving into threshold. …their own experience in a way that best serves the client…Allowing the client to move forward in his/her own time is something I need to be sensitive to and not impose my own perspective or inclinations.” Yes, yes and yes! Such a struggle still for me to want to just fix it, to give the answers and move on but knowing they have to discover their own answers on their time and in the way that best suits them. Get out of the way and let nature take it’s course. And Kim, “…how the Threshold can truly change the thinking someone has during a coaching session(s). And the awareness that once the thinking changes, the behaviors can start to follow. Not that it is necessarily instant but there is that moment comes when the needed changes can start happening. And the commitment comes.” Almost like once you know different you can’t go back. Not that it is easy to change but the new knowing sure makes it uncomfortable to do the old way! Maya Angelo used to say, “Once you know better, you do better.”
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Hi Shari
“it was as though I had been building a new neural pathway for years” totally resonates with me. I guess that’s why “they“ call it a journey:).Taking the path of least resistance- such a great reminder to not over complicate things! I think I often get stuck in that while coaching- trying to figure out things because they seem “too simple”
I’ve said I don’t like change so reading what you wrote of knowing change in nature is consistent and constant really stuck with me.
I’m happy to be with you, all of us, on this path together too <3
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So powerful to hear from you Shari. I appreciate the way you continue to show up for us all! “Water/Flow naturally seeks the path of least resistance…it reminds me to seek the simpler path, and not over-complicate life. I think this concept was at the forefront when I let go of the old story…and realized how needlessly difficult I had been making my life.” lands so solid for me. I always attempt to coordinate outings with groups around water – cascades, falls, creeks, full on river trips – it provides such an aesthetic to the experience; a practicality (nothin beats that environmentally friendly white-noise machine!!); and such rich potential for symbolism and metaphor.
The transitional spot (dare I say “Pivot Point”?!?! 😛) of identifying old narratives while working towards embracing/cultivating new ones, WHILE still falling back on those well-established neurological grooves is such a fascinating dance floor to move around on! So many layers, so rich in information and potential. Resonates with me. Thank you for putting words to that, Shari!The simplicity with which you lay it out in the process is something I will borrow, if I may, in my work: awareness bringing choice; choice leading to commitment. Went to a conference a few weeks ago and one of the presentations was on thresholds of tolerance. The presenter kept describing the dance across the that threshold (she used the analogy of the rumble strips on the side of a highway…talk about staying in your lane!!) and how, with time, this dance can actually expand the reach of the threshold. Reminded me of our exercises of expanding our critical space, with intention, towards our client. What fun!! Thanks again for your perspective, Shari!
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Shari, I love how you relate this all to the nervous system as well as the neural pathways. I notice a lot of talk in our readings about neural pathways, but not so much about the nervous system. I feel things in that way too (old habits, changes, energy, etc). I’ve thought about threshold as it relates to neural pathways, but not related to the nervous system, so thank you for mentioning that! I do notice that nature significantly calms my nervous system. In regards to threshold, I think the nature experience helps calm our nervous systems in ways that make us more able and open to creating new neural pathways. I’m not sure if this is true, but it feels right.
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I haven’t had too many experiences yet as a client in the ‘threshold’ but there have been a few that have really hit home for me. Thinking what stood out in these is that nature helped me to ‘see’ the answer that I knew inside but couldn’t truly ‘see’ until it was illustrated through the world around me. What I realize was happening for me as a client is that I was so wrapped up in the what I was dealing with, the discomfort of being in this place of dealing with it, fighting the fire(s) that was in front of me, and telling my same story over and over that I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. Yes, pun intended. So, when I took a breath, and another and another…quieted my mind, took a 360 view of that moment then guided by my coach, nature was able to show me the underlying heart of the issue. Things became incredibly clear and I could face the real issue and being to change my attitude and my behavior toward it. What was really interesting to me is that in one case I was physically out in nature. In the other, I was at the computer but able to visualize being where I’m at peace in the outdoors.
As I am writing this, the section in the Coaching Skills Handbook on breaking through the feedback-exclusion zone comes to mind through autobiography (Chapter 5). Through talking about not only the person’s immediate needs but really understanding their life story can help us to guide the client to have nature help them ‘break through’ in the way that works best for them. I know in those moments where I felt like I hit the threshold, I had filled in with my coach the back-story. The questions outlined on page 108/109 create a good starting point to get a focused autobiography vs. a general dump. I definitely want to incorporate these into coaching or versions of these – like pinpointing a outstanding experience that had a major impact (not just as child as it states, but in general) and the other that stood out to me is asking the client if they see themes and patterns in the story that they are telling.
So how will this influence me as a coach? I see that listening to our clients immediate story is part of it, deeply listening to the parts that make up the client is just as important – listening to the soul, the spirit, the make-up of who they are. This skill of recognizing the clients’s internal feeling of truth from their life experiences can then help me to help support them in their journey. And to pull insights of how nature informs us throughout this process. For me it has been a visualization of the issue – as simple as when I really looked around me, the trees illustrated the truth for me. Or the telling the story of what I see in the desert showed me what I was refusing to ‘see.’ For each client it will be unique but we, as coaches, should seek places that reflect and support that which will most help them through learning their stories first!
I have to say I’m also excited about the idea of Natural Cycle of the Eight Directions from the Coyote reading. The moods of nature and the natural cycle of things appeals to my spiritual and intuitive side. I want to do more readings into this so if anyone has found good information on this, please pass along! I’m mulling on how the feelings/energies of the directions can influence us as coaches and we can use this to help our clients. I’m looking out at a Palo Verde tree in the darkening sky in the northwest right now seeing how the energy of letting go, reflecting and releasing is there. Just as I could see in the Threshold, guess the answers are in front of me. Thanks, nature.
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“For each client it will be unique but we, as coaches, should seek places that reflect and support that which will most help them through learning their stories first!” Thank you, Kim, for highlighting the importance of learning our clients stories. They are each unique and without taking the time to learn of their individual unique experiences we can’t coach them in the specific way they may need to be led. Our asking questions to dig deeper within their stories can help them notice more than they may have at the time, or give them a new perspective to look at the story through, providing them with growth in self-awareness. There also requires a good amount of trust on the clients part to begin to open to some of the difficult stories that may really get to the deeper issues that may bring greater insight.
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Hi Kim! I too really liked the autobiographical questions. I feel like knowing where someone is coming from can make a big difference in how well I may be able to coach them through certain issues.
When you said we “should seek places that reflect and support that which will most help them through learning their stories first” I thought of a couple of practice clients I’ve had and the spots they chose to do their sessions. One was along a river, another in a forested area near that same river. Looking back to their session those respective locations seemed quite fitting to their issues/stories.
I too really love the correlation to the directions. They also use them in shamanism so we can chat about that if you’d like :).-
Hi Melody – That’s really cool to see how your practice clients went to the places that had the most importance to them! I see so much how that is important as we provide support. Just thinking of how I felt during our intensive when I changed sit spots toward the end finding a place that was more where I was emotionally at that time.
And, yes, I would like to hear more about the directions in shamanism. Looking forward to talking to you about that!
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Thank you, Kim, for your reflection! I, too, am jazzed about the Cycle of the Eight Directions. I actually met someone in my business foundations class in 2017 who mentioned, upon hearing about my business idea, that he had done and continues to engage in work around the 8 directions. I will have to reach back out to him and check in with his thoughts/experience with it. What I am hearing as I read your thoughts about how breaking through the feedback exclusion zone and recognizing perceived needs of immediacy vs life-story/context will influence you as a coach, I find myself nodding and grinning in agreement! The reflection you provide us about your threshold experience rings so true from my experience, too. I am hearing a tangible experience of the 50/50 plan and allowing for our surroundings to provide the mirror to reflect what our client’s deeper need may be, yeah? Here I am hearing echoes of Mandy’s comment about simply being there, as a coach, when the baseline shifts and simply support our client through it! It’s funny, I have this image in my head of one of those performers who keeps all these plates spinning up on sticks (like on a late night show or something) only instead of this nervous, excitable background music, there is a soft, supportive, melodic undertone overlaid…there’s grace where frantic movement once was…what a gift we all have to get pruney in this work!
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Hi Kim! I agree on what you said about the threshold experience being a way to see/feel/understand more deeply what you already knew was the solution. The threshold experience I wrote about was similar. I already “knew” the lesson, and yet I always struggled with making the appropriate changes. It reminds me of our earlier readings in Coaching Skills that for change to occur, we need to deal with the emotional side of our client (or ourselves)- just telling them, or getting them to the answer, without processing the emotional piece will not be effective or promote long term change. Thank you for your comments on this. I had thought about dealing with the emotions for effective coaching and the threshold experience, but not how they intertwine to make a truly profound moment for change.
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Reflecting on my personal experience in threshold takes me back to the fishbowl in Gunnison. The feeling I had as nature communicated the answer I was seeking in those moments is not hard to get back to, I can go back in my minds eye and picture the surrounding scene quite clearly as the A-HA moment was so impactful. Quite certain I could return there today and take you to the exact spot I was standing in. Almost like it froze in time, or maybe more like I woke to a realization with a spark, a light bulb moment! An aspect of that feeling and the ability to experience it was due to the state I was in, nearly a dream or euphoric state. A state of oneness, openness, in a way, vulnerable to the answers I was seeking. I trusted my coach, felt I was being held in a safe container by her and by nature. I was open to guidance and clear on what I was seeking guidance for, thankful for the work – sometimes difficult – in severance. I was connected to self and source allowing the communication to come through nature. As Michael says in recording 29, 23:10 from Foundations, “So how does nature play into this whole thing? When you are in a searching mode, your inner world becomes reflected in the environment that you’re in.” All playing a part in allowing that magical moment to happen!
What is this telling me about coaching others? How important building trust and having that safe space to hold the client in during threshold so they are open to their vulnerability. Helping them to stay focused in their center / soul / heart space verses their head or mental space. Asking those what and how questions, plus feelings and emotions vs thoughts. There may be need to assist the client in learning how to connect at their center. Tools we have been learning to help walk them to that space, like the 7 steps, as well as, tools that teach self-awareness. It may take time to learn how to connect with their true self. Patience and meeting them where they are at is important. Establishing the trust for the sense of security needed to open to the vulnerability to step beyond the ego and connect with the true self for the soul-direction found in threshold.
I also am reminded how important it is for me to be consistent in my own self awareness / nature connection practices. So that I am better attuned to nature and soul for the direction I need to provide guidance in working with my clients. In this state, I am better able to step into the 50/50 plan, faith that nature will show up and provide through our connection during threshold. I am still struggling with how to enter this threshold space over the zoom or phone calls. I am sure with experience this will become more clear to me.
What ICF core competencies are essential? As I got looking I began to wonder if this was a trick question? My digging into the competencies led me to see just how relevant and important they all are in setting us up for successful nature connected coaching!
It starts in the beginning, with the first of our ICF competencies: Setting the Foundation. How we show up, how we set our intention in our commitment to coaching ethically, laying a foundation in trust through agreeing on appropriate boundaries in the coaching client relationship, including the confidentiality agreement. Continuing into the next competency: Co-Creating the Relationship, as this is where trust is established and the safe supportive environment is created. Again, our intention we bring combined with our coaching presence, when entering the relationship is crucial in establishing that trust and secure feeling to be open and enter deeper into connection. We continue to build on the trust the client needs to feel safe within the container we hold for them through the next competency of Communicating Effectively, as all these skills of active listening, powerful questioning and direct communication add to that honest and caring connection we wish to build with them. Providing them comfort and confidence in going deeper in their self awareness and listening to the pull. The final ICF Competency of Facilitating Learning and Results takes us right into the threshold. Creating awareness, self awareness and awareness of connection with you and with nature. Along with designing actions, being on the same page with the steps you will take in the threshold.
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Hello Sheri, thank you for your post.
Your post details quite well what I also believe are key components to facilitating the learning and awareness building that occurs soon after the guide and the client determine the focus of the session. It is obvious from the experience you describe, from my experience as well, and from the readings that in order for this phase to be successful, both parties have responsibilities. As a client, you mentioned being in a state of oneness and openness, you were willing and committed to do the work. For you to get there though, so also mention having had a solid severance phase, and trust in the coach and the coaching process. That trust will crucial for us as Guides to establish, and it is the Guide’s responsibility to create and provide a safe container. The Guide’s responsibility also extend to establishing a collaborative relationship with both the client and Nature, and to bring creativity to the process.Any ideas/thoughts as to what we can do as Guides to build that unique and creative coaching presence?
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Hi Sheri! I still remember the first time I heard Michael talk about the searching mode in one of the online classes. It’s SO true!! Writing this now it makes me think of how people talk about manifesting things you want in your life.
The trust and safe place/ the “bubble” in Colorado as I like to call it, was such an amazing example of a safe sacred space it’s made me determined to create that in all my life, not just with clients.
When you said “assist client in learning how to connect at their centre” I thought of how sometimes I’m not sure how connected I feel, and that that may be because it’s in the general everyday moments, not when I’m having the AHA moments…… -
Sheri,
I love how you talked about it being such a powerful moment that you can still see / feel / transport to that place again. I hadn’t really thought about it in that way, but as I was writing about my threshold experience I felt the same thing. I think back to some powerful moments I have had in the back country in Maine and though they weren’t threshold experiences from a state of coaching, they were definitely threshold experiences in major change in my life. That is another place I am able to transport to, the way I am able to transport to some of the places on Fossil Ridge from my threshold experiences there. Something incredibly deep happens in those moments, and it seems as those our senses from those moments get stored in a powerful way. I’m not entirely sure what to call it or how to verbalize it, but something seems to happen with the brain and the experience together that creates an incredibly powerful memory.
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My experiences as a client in the threshold happened when I was being coached in Nature during the Intensive training in the Aspen Grove.
Each time I was asked “how could we use the environment to experiment,” I had the same initial and skeptical reaction. “You want me to do what?…. Sure!!!” I went along because that was part of the training but honestly I did not think it would yield any learning. But every time, Nature delivered powerful messages and insights and I had to recognize and admit that it was a powerful tool for coaching. But then my mind started to predict that sooner or later I will run out of ideas, metaphors, and there will no longer be any insights. That has not happened yet, and deep inside I believe it will not happen as long as I keep my heart open to it. I have many personal examples to draw from, and have witnessed my Cohort 18 to have many more.
My insights, metaphors found during the thresholds were powerful, visceral, and true. They were many, varied and unexpected, and most importantly always relevant to the questions I was bringing forth. There are still very fresh in mind because I truly had an Experience. Two months later, I can still access the emotions and feelings attached to the threshold, and when I get overwhelmed and do not know what steps to take, I refer back to them, because I truly know they are the doors to my answers.
That said, I know there will be moments of doubt. I expect they will be times, maybe more often than not, when clients or me as a coach will naturally question and wonder whether the process will succeed THIS TIME. I will always remember Sheri’s look of distrust when I asked her the first time to experiment in Nature.
What I learned from my experience is that being confident, and trusting the process will be critical as we are entering into the unknown. Creativity will also be an important part of the equation as we will be actively participating in the threshold experience with the client.
If I were to tie this back to the ICF Core Competencies, I would pick the following:
“Coaching presence, ability to be fully conscious and create spontaneous relationship with the client, employing a style that is open, flexible and confident”.
“Active listening: Ability to focus completely on what the client is saying and is not saying, to understand the meaning of what is said in the context of the client’s desires, and to support client self-expression.”
“Designing actions: ability to create with the client opportunities for ongoing learning, during the coaching and in work/life situations. Promote active experimentation and self-discovery.
I would also add to this list the NCC Core Competencies: “Deep listening: Ability to allow nature to participate in the process, both directly and metaphorically, as an active collaborator and co-guide in the experience.-
Nadine,
Yes! What you said here resonated with me, “being confident, and trusting the process will be critical as we are entering into the unknown.” And this is an important element in creating trust with your client. When we as coaches are able to fully 100% trust in the work we are doing, and in the innate wisdom of our clients, and when we are able to get out of the way and trust in the client’s process, we infuse the field with this confidence and trust. Our clients can feel that and it helps to create a field of safety. It is so important as coach to be practicing this and having your own experiences to draw from (either as client or practicing your own wanders and explorations in nature) so that you absolutely CAN trust the process. This statement of you doing just that is so wonderful: “when I get overwhelmed and do not know what steps to take, I refer back to them, because I truly know they are the doors to my answers.”
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Wow, incredible posts so far! I’m hearing several themes as I read through these. One of that realization of just how wise and powerful nature really is in providing the exact medicine the client needs in that moment in their lives – so long as there is an openness and a willingness to see it. Which leads to the other theme I’m hearing; just how critical it is to establish a foundation of trust and intimacy with your client. It can be extremely vulnerable to be in threshold as it is an exploration from the heart/soul – something we very rarely do in this culture at all, let alone in the presence of another. When we help our clients to go into their resource and increase safety, their systems will naturally move through the sequence that is most needed. I remember Michael saying something along the lines of ‘Threshold is going to happen. It is a natural process. Your job as coach is to be there when it does and support your client through it.’ Or something to that effect.
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My experience as a client in the threshold showed me that anythign can happen! To stand back and watch what is happening with the client to help guide them by pointing out what you see happening for them that they may not notice- ie body language/how they were walking slumped them confidently, to helo see th big picture when they may be more focused/ perspective. Just holding space for them to explore on their own and someone tokeep you on tracj of your intetntion is very helpful. Each experience will be differnte for each client and with each coach, trust my instincts.
Nature participated by representing diffetn aspects of the issue clearly so I could see it in a new perspective adn by leading by example in what I want to achieve i nlife. With coaching otheres that tells me that the client needs to be open to seeing symbolisms in nature and I need to watch for them too to help guide the client if they need help learning to see them. It will be differetn each time and each client will see/feel things differently than the next. Knowing my client will help me better know how they see things, what thet are open to and how to guide them. (Not everyone will be totally open to hugging a tree lol).
I made a list of the core competencies needed and realized I’d listed all of them.-
Melody – I like how you point out that with nature anything can happen! It’s so true and such an important statement for us as coaches. It may be an Aha moment, or it may not be. Nature may help them to see the big picture or it may just be a nice walk/sit/time in the outdoors. That’s where we need to let it be what it is for each person. And, as Matt pointed out not to let our own agendas get in the way of what our client’s experience and need is! You are right, not everyone wants to hug a tree and we need to respect that.
I think it is really important to that you talk about the non-verbal cues as well. That may be as telling (or even more) than what they say. I had an experience recently with a friend who refused to respect my threshold space, let alone my critical space, when we were out paddling on the water. This has happened multiple times with this person on that day and other occasions. This time though, my mood and my body language did a 180 change. And even though I kept the conversation light, it was so clear that I wanted to get out of that situation! Looking back on that I see that was a real learning experience for future coaching sessions and what was really being communicated!
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Right off the bat, I appreciate the idea of gaining a collaborative awareness of how the client has managed to get up to the point of the initial meeting. In that vein, the idea of “breaking through the feedback-exclusion zone” through Jenny Rogers’ 3 core questions is brilliant (and I can recall their presence, or similar ideas, in some initial sessions with my EBI graduate!) The idea that a simple dialogue/exchange around the client’s perceptions of his/her past provide valuable insights into how the client currently processes confrontation, challenges, relationships, intimacy, trust, et al seems so obvious, and yet, I can also fully appreciate the impulse to skip past or rush through the back story in an ego-driven hope to display a coaching prowess!! The framework presented in this stage (pg 108 of the 3rd Edition) are helpful in navigating the session as a coach, and NOT as a counselor or psychotherapist. I find myself taking pause at this early portion of this assignment’s readings in that I have been discussing with my CSAC clinical supervisor, the supervision group, my EBI mentor, and I also pose it to you all, how one navigates the “stay in your lane” mantra when you may wear several hats yourself? I like that Rogers insists that we leave the interpretation for the client to do, freeing me up to simply hold space for the path to unfold for the client…another helpful tool to keep my agenda from potentially creeping in!
Appreciative of the warning against relying too heavily on questionnaires in the realm of having the client bring as much information to present a well rounded vision of their present situation as possible. This portion, “Using psychometrics skillfully” (pg 122) is full of warnings to heed and I hope to! Acknowledging that the use of “a questionnaire or any other coaching tool [as a way of exerting control over the client and over your own fear of incompetence].” (122) lands solidly for me. And is yet another glimpse into the impostor syndrome thread that ran through the bulk of our first intensive, for any of you who worked with me as that week progressed may likely attest to.
“Where a client believes that nothing needs to change then there can be no coaching.” (pp130). Read that again! I have already come across instances in my short time with 1-on-1 sessions on the trails where the initial plan, from the client’s perspective, is that of hanging out or learning some new trails, or talking with a healthy focus while getting some movement into an otherwise busy/boring/hectic/lazy week. My initial response/reaction was to push back, “surely there is a goal, or else why are we here?” This is all reminiscent of what I recall Michael mentioning during the first Intensive – and from Ivy’s lead in the most recent web session from the previous Foundation – what do we do with this idea of the mandated client? My personal experience here is that of waves of defiance/opposition/lack of motivation. Rarely, thus far, are my clients mandated to work with me specifically, even if they ARE mandated to participate with the program in which they are enrolled. I have found so far that the oppositional/defiant behavior is – when I am solidly at a Level 3 of listening (Rogers, pg 68) – actually the expression of frustrations at current situations AND an acknowledgement of the space we are sharing (client/coach) being considered as safe and supportive. Which brings me into a place of reverence and honor/privilege. And fuels the want to guide, to support, to explore with, NOT to lead or direct or influence. All that to say that I feel these chapters, and this work in general, all fall so firmly on those levels of listening, and my constant awareness of how engaged I am in the depth of my listening to the client. These coachability tables in the 3rd edition are fascinating, and I can see them as valuable rubrics/assessment tools and are reminding me how essential it is for me to get on to working out an efficient/effective note taking approach (do I keep something in the truck for right after the hike? Take notes short hand as we are engaging in the sit spot? Can’t really take notes when we are playing in the threshold…) Finally, in response to Coaching Clients Through Change in the Roberts book, I find the final section, of the various forms of Discounting being presented as SO very relevant and helpful to me in the particular set of clients (groups and individual sessions) I am currently working with. This has been a source of significant frustration for me at times (nearly without fail because I am trying to push my agenda…otherwise, there is little reason that this would be my reaction…or that I would react at all). While the recognition of the problem is there, often the degree of its severity is discounted among those I work with. Working through or with the “Discounting of the solvability of the problem” (pg 178) is what is most useful to me with my current client list. It is seemingly inherent in the mind of someone in the early stages of recovery from substance use disorder in my estimation: that of binary thinking “this that/either or/always never” etc. it paints the client’s experience into the tiniest of boxes…with no room for movement, reflection, even hope sometimes. Also, I have found that the acknowledgement or even suggestion that perhaps there is great comfort in this conflict being unsolvable helps to expand the client’s experience, open the doors of perception just a crack, and at the very least let back in some hope!
In reading chapter 10 in The Natural Cycle of Learning, I immediately recall Ivy engaging on occasion a ceremonial opening while working with me in an observed session. It was not only effective in the actions suggested “shaking off the dust” as the text describes, it was the subtle invitation to make the activity my own. Even though my guide/coach was introducing me to this initial ceremony of sorts, it was still 100% my own, my process established as the focal point from even this first step! Northwest—Reflect is typically the favorite part of any of the Experiences I guide. Going deeper; seeking out the thing under the thing … under the things. I find that the sacred questions prove to be such a majestic access point to this aspect of the flow.
Such a warm calm settled over me as I read through the 50-50 Principle section (pg 234) and following scenarios and the implicit value of adaptation (yet another motivation of keeping my agenda the heck out of the way! AND a valuable check point along a session to assess just how effectively I am doing so!):
Sitting in the back of the boat, anonymous and unassuming, you always look well ahead towards the horizon for the people you mentor, and think of making subtle tacks and maneuvers for the changing winds. With the sea and the weather, it’s up to your own keen eyes and your sea-salt0smelling nose to guess where they might be going next. (Young, pg 239)
To me, this passage, coupled with the Southwest—Resting excerpt on pg 241 are where a great deal of the reverence and challenge both play a lead role during an outing. Particularly, in the Resting. We spoke of this in Gunnison, I remember that baseline shift at the tail end of the threshold, that stage of internalizing just before the plan of incorporation. I can find myself so excited and jazzed with what I am witnessing/sensing/feeling for the client, that I find pumping the breaks of the session to be almost unbearable. And yet, without that Resting, I am once again trying to propel someone else’s journey/path forward to suit my own timeline/agenda. Such wisdom in the work. Such delicateness. Love it!
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Hi Matt!
When you talk of wearing “several hats”, although it’s not quite on the same level you were talking about, I find that at times my “horticulture” side wants to come out and feed people plant information. I need to remind myself that as interesting as it is, sometimes it isn’t relevant, or what the client came to me for that day. I’ve also noticed though that sometimes it can help lighten the mood if needed or be used to refocus the client if they wander off the issue.
When I read about the questionnaires “fear of incompetence” it kind of hit me- this feels like something I would do, and now reminds me of things I’ve read along the lines of we can still help people while we are learning/ healing/growing on our own stuff. Which is true since it is/we are all a work in progress.
I had a practice client where I thought I “bombed” the session, but then realized the client agreed to be a practice client more out of curiosity and wanting to be helpful to me than a real hearing for coaching.
Re note-taking- I keep a small notebook in my car to take notes as soon as I get back to the car.
I’ve noticed that when I ask the sacred questions I often feel filled with joy as I do, as I see the client looking around, or the look on their face, in their eyes as they are searching for the answer, and wait to hear the response. -
Hi Matt – Your statement about ‘the impulse to skip past or rush through the back story…to display coaching prowess,’ just makes me smile. Because I’m going to go out on a limb and say we all want to do this. We want to show that we’re listening and holding space and using our core competencies and, and, and…we know what we are doing! But taking the step back, that can sometimes be the hardest part. And still one of the most important.
I’m also pondering that question how to ‘stay in your lane’ as we all do play different roles and have different expectations from ourselves and those put on us as well that we live up to. So, I’m trusting in this way that I will treat each client the way I would want to be treated as a clients. And that I do hold the space for the client, I do let the client set realistic session goals and longer-term coaching goals, and always know that we, as coaches, should always remain neutral. Plus our agenda really isn’t important here!
You bring up some other really interesting points – I also like the idea of the ceremonial opening that is really owned by the client. Ivy did that during our intensive and I definitely tried (and have been continuing to try it) to use that with my practice clients. I am finding it helps to set the tone of the session in the client’s own way if they want to do this. The more I’m thinking about understanding each person’s unique back story, the more I can see how this can shape what this opening can be. Not to be putting my own agenda on it but to help guide them in it. Of course, this may become less of an opening ceremony and more of a ‘as we get more into the session-ceremony.’ Food for thought.
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I had a very powerful threshold experience at Fossil Ridge that gave me a lot of confidence to trust that nature will provide what is needed during a coaching session. What I find profound about the threshold experience is the jaw dropping “aha” moment that occurs. Going through the program and learning about coaching, I know which questions are coming, or I’ve heard them before, they are not surprising, and yet at the same time it’s as if I had never heard them. They trigger an internal introspection so deep that I can’t help but think, “Why didn’t I realize that before!?”. Coupled with these questions is nature’s uncanny way of revealing our own answers. In my experience, I knew there was an answer near a specific tree, for whatever reason I was called there. However, I didn’t expect what I saw when I got there. I had been to this tree before, but it previously was not as profound as in that moment. For me it created a deep bond with that tree and I even went back before we left to give it a hug and one more thank you.
In regards to threshold, I think the competency of creating awareness is most essential. Some of the skills that jump out at me are “Invokes inquiry for greater understanding, awareness, and clarity”, “Helps clients to discover for themselves the new thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, emotions, moods, etc. that strengthen their ability to take action and achieve what is important to them”, and “helps clients to see the different, interrelated factors that affect them and their behaviors (e.g. thoughts, emotions, body, background)”. For me this translates to spotting metaphor during threshold. I want to continue to refine my ability for metaphor in a way that is in attunement with my client (versus the metaphor that I see that suits what I perceive to be true for the situation). It’s important to guide the client to seek and identify the metaphor themselves, which is a skill I want to continue to work on.
So to summarize, my experience of threshold has been one of deeper insight, jaw dropping “aha” moments, and a deeper connection and gratitude for nature, Earth, and her teachings/messages. The threshold experience in general gives me more confidence in the experiential part of the coaching ceremony. Nature will always provide a canvas for us to work with, we just have to stay present, attuned to our client, and open for what it has to offer.
