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Initial Post-Foundation 3-Cohort 19
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34 Replies
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As I sit here, reflecting on my experiences as a client in âthresholdâ, I am immediately brought back to a few extremely powerful moments that have informed my coaching and that have changed me. One time, I worked with a coach with whom I hadnât really spent much time with before. As a client, I found myself a bit hesitant to fully expose myself to get to my deeper need. The person coaching me did an incredible job inviting me to fully step in by creating a safe container and one where I felt absolutely seen, supported, and witnessed. The solid eye contact he made with me and the energy he put out (I value you, I value me) shifted how I was feeling. He looked in my eyes and I felt vulnerable and safe at the safe time. I went from a place of hesitation to a place of empowerment within minutes. The session we shared was one of the most powerful experiences I have ever had in my life. What I experienced reminds me of how we as coaches set the tone, bring supportive energy, co-create a container with nature, and make the invitation for our clients. We may do all of these things and our clients are the ones who ultimately choose whether or not to show up and step in to growth, deep self awareness, and learning. When I was being coached, I was invited to explore the land and to practice what it would feel and look like to fully step in to saying (excuse the language) the phrase â âF*ck yeah!â to all areas of my life without hesitation. My coach led me through the process of exploring my desires and ultimately my deeper need and then walked the land with me. Nature presented wind just as I yelled those words and the land held me and my intention. At first I felt funny yelling into the wind, but then felt supported and held- by my coach. He put the pause in our work together and we shared silence and space. It was absolutely powerful. Not only did I experience deep connection with myself and the absolute inner knowing I often talk about, but also with my coach and the Earth. He established trust and intimacy with me as his client, and also followed through with me as I checked back in during incorporation. This experience of stepping into the âthresholdâ as his practice client was powerful for me. I was invited to step into a place of the unknown with a container and also a specific and clear intention. Personally, I feel the specific core competencies that are essential for me to continue to practice and build on are the areas of: Planning & Goal Setting and Designing Actions. I find it comes naturally for me to genuinely connect and to be present with people in my life, both personally and professionally. In my coaching, I am looking forward to developing long term relationships with clients where we can work together to identify goals, targets, and celebrate their successes and growth opportunities.
Another threshold experience I would like to share about is my October 2019 Vision Fast. It is hard for me to even begin to put my experience into words but I feel itâs important for me to share a little because in my wilderness rite of passage work I will also be bringing in my coaching. When I first decided last spring to reenter wilderness work and specifically to train to be a rite of passage guide, I had to get crystal clear about my reasons for doing so. I knew the time had arrived for me to step in and to answer the call that had been knocking for 20 plus years. I wrote a long letter of intention about why I was training and also was invited to identify personal intentions that would help me grow as a guide in all areas of my life. In Jenny Rogersâ book Coaching Skills, she writes, âWhatever issues a client brings to the coach, there will be a sequence of necessary stages, through which the coach and client must pass. 1. Where, who, and what am I now – in my life, my work, my relationships, and my skills. 2. Where, who and what would I like to be ideally? 3. Given those answers, what goals do I need to set for myself? 4. How can I achieve and sustain those goals?â I worked with guides (wilderness coaches) who helped me identify my âdeeper needâ. I can see how what they did for me in Council mirrored what we are doing for our clients as Nature-Connected Coaches⊠intentional rite of passage work. When I literally stepped over the doorway into the spirit world for my vision fast, I had a clear intention I stated out loud. While I was out in the desert, I carried the intention in my heart. I was Nature, in Nature, and was held by the land and also in a container that the guides created for participants. Itâs hard to fully explain all that was a part of my training without going on and on. What is clear to me is that whether I am guiding clients with one hour coaching sessions or five day wilderness rite of passage experiences, as a Nature-Connected Coach I have an incredible opportunity to weave these together with Nature to help facilitate powerful transformations for my clients.
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Reflecting on my experiences as a client in Threshold, I remember a feeling of flow. Everything that happened in Threshold connected and moved forward in a way that made sense and wasnât forced. There was a natural progression of events that relied on my experience as the client rather than an agenda from the coach, and it was my experience that drove the session and helped us to move forward. However, without prompting or guidance from the coach, I donât think it would have been as profound. It felt easy. I imagine with a coach who doesnât know how to guide properly, this may not have been the case.
My experience speaks to the skills needed by the coach. In terms of the ICF core competencies, there are so many at play here. Coaching presence and the ability to be flexible and open lend to that sense of flow and ease. Active listening, and the ability to fully hear the voiced and unvoiced, allows a coach to guide in natural directions a client may not notice on their own. Creating awareness also plays into this particular aspect of the client experience. Beyond the ICF core competencies I see a need for deep listening to client as well as to the coachâs intuition especially when we consider the Threshold in the context of connection with nature. With nature acting as a prominent guide, a coach needs a firm connection to their intuition to know when to step up, and when to step back as the guide.
As a coach educator, one of the greatest struggles I see for newer coaches is the struggle to not set the agenda, and to sit in silence with the client. While I feel relatively confident in these areas mysellf, when it comes to developing confidence as a coach these are often the places to start. Confidence in allowing the client to set the agenda, and to allow the client the space to process. This relates heavily to the group of competencies focused on co-creating the relationship.
On a related note, Chapters 9 and 10 in Coyoteâs guide was enlightening and I immediately noticed the connection between the structure of a coaching session and the natural cycle of learning suggested by the text. I also noticed this structure in how we approached our learning each day at our first intensive. Looking at Cornellâs flow of learning, Steps 1 (enthusiasm) and 2 (attention) could be equated with Severance/Focusing, step 3 (experience) with Threshold, and step 4 (inspiration) the move from Threshold into Incorporation. Something that the text makes note of within this flow of learning is, âthe context and timing of learning is equally, if not more, important than the content,â and this also reminds me of the coaching process. Itâs more important for a coach to be able to guide a client through the process of self-learning and actualization than to understand all of the content and details of the clientâs situation. As suggested in Coaching Skills: A Handbook, a coach doesnât necessarily need a lot of background information or assessment on the clientâs situation, or the facts involved. What a coach needs is a set of tools, such as powerful questioning, to help a client move through the phases of the learning process regardless of the content that comes up.
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I remember…
I stood up and stretched after a great conversation that was complimented by the back ground music of a gentle fire. I felt heard and only somewhat understood as I made my way to the bench to put on my boots. There was an energy and a pull in me to just “go”! “There is a lot still incomplete for me and I get to discover so much by having this great conversation” I thought. There was still a lesson for me to learn. The topic I was dealing with at the time was heavy and just discussing the topic triggered anger in me. I could sense that my guide could hear and feel something about my situation that couldn’t hear, feel or see yet. I remember feeling so grateful for the space, that my guide gave me, to wander and honor that calling from within to just “go”! I took off running in some random direction. I had the experience of stepping into another world and my guide wasn’t ever too far behind. My guide was there to experience the silence that taught me some of the secrets of survival, my guide heard the birds that said something to me that I’ll never forget and my guide was interested in the tracks that spoke to me about the story of my life. The whole time I was wandering, living, exploring and learning, my guide was present. That day, Mother Nature taught me that she will NEVER let us down. My guide showed me how powerful of a teacher Mother Nature is and my guide showed me how to guide without making about the guide. I took away a humbling experience and some action items that are still active in my life today. This was a glimpse into my first “threshold” experience and some of what I remember from it.
This experience informs my coaching, some of my dos and don’ts and parts of who I am as a guide. What I received in experience that day, is what I’m inspired to give away to others. In Jon Young’s “Coyote’s Guide to connecting with nature”, the book discussed the natural cycle of learning and in the Northeast addendum my attention was grabbed my the rites of passage. In learning and growth experiences from the rites of passage I found this quote – “Enjoy and take advantage of this “sacred space” you have created, in which the duties and roles of mundane life remain suspended, where you will shape opportunities for transformation and lasting learning”. This space, the beginning and the end of the “Northeast” is what I would like to give others as a gift. The gift of the compass rose informs my coaching.
Nature turns out to be the hero character in this story. The participation of nature was clear in the speed of a downhill slope and the struggle of an uphill climb. The wind chimed in with wisdom and the birds whispered until something was cause for alarm in the area. Nature spoke softly in my ear…the lessons that no human could utter. The guide I was with that day allowed nature to do most of the work, which I thought was brilliant. What the power of Nature is telling me about coaching others is very clear. When I’m coaching others, let Nature do the work. Allow for the co-creation of the guide and client to come alive with Nature in the threshold. Ultimately, as a coach/guide, less is more but be close enough to the client to hear the unspoken words.
I reflect on the ICF core competencies and what would build self confidence in that “place” as a coach? For me, to build additional self confidence, I’m practicing putting a “punctuation” on the end of threshold experiences with clients (i.e. primal scream, declaration, a physical action or act) through powerful questions. I’m also developing the consistent practice of co-creating goals that impact personal and professional aspects of life for the client through powerful listening. In Jenny Rogers, “Coaching Skills” she said “My philosophy of coaching has an explicitly whole-person perspective. So it follows that the goal-setting process must encompass the personal as well as the professional. Coaching will then have a powerful double focus”. With this double focus and a powerful coaching presence, the miracle of reconnecting humans back to nature is possible. -
The experience of being in threshold is, as I experience it, an altered state of being within which I am in coherence internally and externally. In threshold, we’ve ventured from the known into the unknown; not only that, we may also be embodying a future version of ourselves – the person we ‘need to be’ in order to meet our deepest needs. (I’m not sure what the prompt is referring to around “this is not a feedback session to your coach;” what did I miss?)
In any case, threshold is a liminal state of being between who we are and who we are becoming – it’s a space where we begin to wire new neural connections that will better serve us in the lives we are manifesting.
Often, I don’t really remember threshold – it can feel like it was a dream. I’ve had clients tell me this, too, on ‘debrief forms’ where they simply don’t know what happened – yet they will often reflect that something profound occurred or that something shifted, but they’re not quite sure how. My hypothesis as to why we often go ‘blank’ in threshold (at least in hindsight) is that our memories aren’t necessarily evolved to code for experiences of coherence during which our frequencies are synchronized with those of nature, earth, and non-human beings. Threshold, then, lines up with flow states and experiences where we’re “relieved of the burden of our consciousness” – no drugs required!
By embodying, if only for a few minutes, the beings we need to become, a porthole to some divine creative force opens and, with the right guidance, we might swim through it and immerse ourselves in the oneness which surrounds and binds us constantly, but which most have forgotten how to access on their own.
ICF Core Competencies:
Coaching Presence
Coaching AwarenessNCC Competencies:
Guiding the ceremony -
So wonderful to read your recounting of this experience, Susan!
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Teddy your beautiful description of Threshold has illuminated for me some of the more specific actions a client takes or skills one engages in. I see awareness building, authentic connection to the self, visioning, honesty, vulnerability. And in turn, what a coach does to cultivate these actions, skills, and qualities. I agree that Threshold is like a flow state or peak experience, demonstrating we have another unique method of intentionally inducing flow.
Rollin I appreciate what you mention about coaching encompassing the personal and professional. I agree that coaching should take a holistic or whole-person approach. It’s too easy for us to think we must divorce our personal lives from work, or different areas of our lives in general – I think it’s culturally embedded. There’s a paradigm shift involved here in which a client learns to accept and integrate all aspects of themselves towards a more authentic way of being.
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It feels like itâs been a year since we were at Star House for Foundations as I think about my experiences in the threshold there. It can be difficult to remember a lot of the details because I feel like Iâm in another dimension when Iâm in threshold. Being a part of the coaching experience in general makes me feel that way. One session stands out in particular that had a lot to show me about my coaching. My topic was around my desire to be less influential on and more patient with my partnerâs personal growth. I wanted to let her find her own aha moments and feel her own pulls. My coach and I entered the threshold and I felt pulled to go to the labyrinth. I remember getting there and just staring at it, not sure how I wanted to use it. My coach could sense that and offered a suggestion to walk in it. Even with that suggestion, I donât think he had any idea how that would play out. That, to me, was a demonstration of absolute trust in nature and the process. He asked how I saw his involvement in the walk and I preferred him to follow along. Throughout the walk around the labyrinth, he checked in periodically when he felt things were happening. He asked good questions about what I was noticing. The first thing I noticed was that I was walking really slowly and carefully because there was ice in the path. He asked what that was showing me and I replied âitâs showing me to be patient because normally I walk really quicklyâ. He then asked âwhat if you used this same kind of slowing down and patience with your partner?â And I said âit would give her room to grow on her own timeâ. I then used a metaphor of a flower and how it grows and blooms in its own time, exactly how nature intends. I continued walking and, when I got to the end, I stood before a pile of randomly placed rocks. I immediately smiled and started to tear up as I paused there. He touched base with me again, sensing something was happening for me. I told him I was seeing this pile representing my partner. Each rock evidence of her own personal transformations to this point. And while the pile looked messy and disorganized, I said that it was perfect just the way it was and that I wanted to just be a witness to the pile continuing to grow.
My coach had an incredible sense of when to be quiet and when to check in (Coaching Presence: accesses own intuition and trusts oneâs own inner knowing). He tied little bits of our past conversation into the threshold experience to make it more impactful (Active Listening: integrates and builds on clientâs ideas and suggestions). These are both competencies I feel good in but want to continue to build on as they are so critical to the client/coach relationship. I really felt like we were connected and going through the process together, not as me doing it and him observing. Each moment was guided whether that involved any kind of interaction from him or not. He was open to not knowing where the threshold time would take us and wasnât afraid to take a risk by asking âwhat if you walked in the labyrinth?â
Nature participated by reflecting to me things that made my experience powerful and gave it weight. I had no idea there was ice in the path prior to entering it and that made me slow down, which an insight was gained from. The rock pile to a passerby would be just that, a rockpile. But in the threshold time, it was there for me and it represented my partner. We can never know how someone will interpret what is reflected to them or how powerful that experience will be for them. My job is to intuitively guide the process from moment to moment and support them. It reminds me of a quote from The Way of the Wilderness when Steven Harper says âTrust process, support process and get out of the way. If in doubt, do lessâ. -
Thus far, my most powerful experiences in the threshold as a client have actually been very internal, taking place in my deep imagination or in person to person dialogue.
Alternatively, when I am alone and practicing a Nature connection technique, my experiences tend to be more impactful when I am in a natural environment.
I have been considering this a lot recently, as I explore what it is I am actually facilitating for others. I do believe that nature is a powerful mirror for us humans and our psyche, and I believe that relating to nature in a psycho-spiritual way will also encourage us to treat the natural world with care, respect and honor. However, I am finding that it is just as necessary to change our relationship to our internal nature/psyche as it is to change our relationship with the expression of Nature that exists outside of us. I am beginning to believe that lasting change cannot take place without both relationships changing and affecting each other as they evolve.
Many of my sessions as a coach have led to my client having internal thresholds, as take place in a partswork session, or not leaving severance at all. I am not sure whether this is my failing as a coach, or the ânaturalâ progression of each clientâs process. The answer to that may never be resolved for me, though I expect to become more comfortable in the process as I acquire more dirt-time. What is important for me to note, is that when I hold the intention of entering Threshold too rigidly or too loosely, it is clear that the session is strained and not as âpowerfulâ as it could be.
As I receive feedback from clients about my coaching, one thing I hear consistently is that my clients would like to receive more âof meâ, more of my compassion and wisdom, but not my wounding and âprogramingâ. As I balance how much agenda to hold for format and experience, I am also finding it necessary to learn to balance my personal input and to have practices that help me to distill that which is true wisdom and helpful to share with that which isnât.
This brings up the question for me, âJust because something is uncomfortable for a client to hear, does that make it unproductive or inappropriate to share?â
As I reflect on the Core Competencies that are spoken to above, I look forward to developing my: coaching Presence- specifically my confidence, Active Listening- specifically attending to the clients agenda and no getting caught up in their story, Direct Communication- specifically clearly stating coaching objectives, meeting agenda, purpose of techniques, Creating Awareness- is an amazingly deep and rich competency that I feel strong in in some ways, and novice in others, Managing Progress- I struggle with some clients to uncover long term goals for our work together.I also feel strong in some of these Competencies, at least when I am truly grounded and centered. Finding ways to stay in my power and emotional and psycho-spiritual center is the competency I feel /I need to develop most!
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@James…
Thank you for your post and share. I find myself being inspired by the power you generate through vulnerability. I watch you play and live inside of the sacred questions…never really playing the game of life attached to the actual answers (and I get there may not be answers…it is the question that has the information needed). Your approach to nature connection and coaching is a very organic Jedi style. I’m a fan.
I grabbed this quote from you…”I am finding that it is just as necessary to change our relationship to our internal nature/psyche as it is to change our relationship with the expression of Nature that exists outside of us.”
In regard to this quote of yours…how do you see the natural cycle of moods and learning (and the compass rose directions) playing a part in our internal and external “nature” (or do they play a part?)? I would love your take on this angle for my own tool belt.
From the Force,
R
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@David…
Thank you for taking us on the journey of your threshold experience through your post/share. As I tend to, when you share, I learn so much from your connectedness and enthusiasm for nature connected coaching (yourself and others). Your insights are brilliant every time in my experience. What direction (using the compass rose in relation to the natural cycle of moods AND learning) would you say is calling the loudest to you today? Right now? Can you feel the directional pull? Why is THAT direction pulling you? Just curious…
“My coach had an incredible sense of when to be quiet and when to check in (Coaching Presence: accesses own intuition and trusts oneâs own inner knowing). He tied little bits of our past conversation into the threshold experience to make it more impactful (Active Listening: integrates and builds on clientâs ideas and suggestions). These are both competencies I feel good in but want to continue to build on as they are so critical to the client/coach relationship.” – David Fontaine
This quote is interesting. You referenced two skills you are great at currently. And…if you spot it, you got it. What I took away from this part of your share…is that you are committed to Mastery in the art of active listening and coaching presence. Is that accurate? I know that is accurate for me. The importance of daily practice and life time growth…in the art of coaching presence and active listening. Yes! The WHY, for me, is the acknowledgement of how important it (those 2 skills and more) is to the process (threshold and more) and to the impact on the experience for the client. Your sharing is a valuable teacher. Thanks friend!
Clean Water,
Rollin
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Rollin, thank you for your reflection and kind words, my friend! As far as a direction, I’d say I feel a pull to the south. The learning portion certainly feels like “the heat of the day” and very busy for me as I practice applying what I’m learning to all parts of my life. Also, while this time is busy and a lot of work is being done, it also feels like I’m doing what feels good. Getting to practice this knowledge and seeing the fruits of that practice has brought a smile to my face on several occasions. And whether I’m doing that with a practice client or out exploring with my girlfriend’s daughter, the benefits and impact that I am able to make is truly a gift to me. And to answer your question, yes, I want to master active listening and coaching presence. It would be a goal to have a my clients talk of their experience with me the way Susan so elegantly wrote of in her share of her threshold time.
I pulled this quote from your share (which sounds like a damn Thoreau caption!) “Nature turns out to be the hero character in this story. The participation of nature was clear in the speed of a downhill slope and the struggle of an uphill climb. The wind chimed in with wisdom and the birds whispered until something was cause for alarm in the area. Nature spoke softly in my earâŠthe lessons that no human could utter.” This reminds me of my threshold time when you coached me in the Fishbowl session. A literal “downhill slope” I felt no reason to go down and a literal “uphill climb” to finish out my threshold time! Nature surely showed up that day and you played off that so skillfully. Your point is so true in that, with both client and coach putting full trust in the reflection from nature, the possibilities are limitless as to where that session can go! Thanks for sharing your experience and it’s wonderful to see how something that began as very triggering for you ended up in a positive place, one that you are still reaping the benefits from today from the sounds of it.
David
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@David…
Thank you for the response. Right on!
“Getting to practice this knowledge and seeing the fruits of that practice has brought a smile to my face on several occasions.” – David Fontaine
I love it!
R
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While I’ve experienced intense “threshold” moments during my life, the only times I’ve experienced as part of a coaching session were during our intensive at Starhouse last January. I would say that every threshold during our intensive gifted me with renewed clarity, courage, and connection to purpose. In all thresholds, the Land and my guide(s) supported my quest–whether for voice, for clarity in dealing with a difficult relationship, or a deep rooted false belief. One moment that stands out because of its “magic”, was when I was guided by the Land to see the beauty in myself and understand my worth–just as I am, lines and all! During the threshold wander, my guides, the Land, and I created a safe and sacred space for me to play in my questions. I wanted to feel my own power and give myself permission to be a VOICE–I shouted into the wind while perched on top of a rock, “I have a voice, I have important things to say, I can write and give voice to what flows through me.” I confronted a false belief I held about myself–that I was unworthy, irrelevant, and had nothing important to share with the world. I also confronted a deeply held fear–what if no one reads what I have to say? what if no one cares? what if no likes me?
While I was holding these false beliefs, my guides and the Land invited me on a wander. At first it seemed we were headed for a destination and that there was a particular goal in mind. Then, the Land dismissed every assumption any of us might have been holding. The Land became The Guide. While my coaches were holding space and guiding me through the ceremony process and reflecting myself back to me, it was the Land that gave my heart true guidance. As I wandered, my footsteps followed the invitation of the Land as it guided me. I kept walking downhill and a shimmering object caught my eye and beckoned me. It was a mirror! I walked down to the mirror and sat in front of it, looking at myself as if for the first time. Looking into my eyes, I got to tell myself that I was worthy, important words did flow through me that had to be shared, and that my wrinkles were beautiful. After a few moments, and when I was ready, my guides helped me unpack my exprience.
TRUST is the biggest lesson I can learn from my own threshold experience. As a coach, I know the Land will provide my client with the insights they need right now. Some of the core-competencies that are essential for me as a coach include: establishing trust and intimacy; fostering a coaching presence that is spontaneous, open, flexible, and confident; being and active listener who asks powerful questions; creating awareness to help the client interpret their experience; & managing progress towards the client’s goals.
I continue to find that TRUST is the area of greatest growth for me. It is important for me to let go of my need to feel important and competent–“the expert”. I need to root into humility and trust–trust that what needs to be said and what needs to be experienced will spring forth from the container formed between the client, myself, and the Land. By keeping myself open and connected to the Earth, I can become a clear mirror for the client to experience their deeper Self. By co-creating a container that is playful, flexible and spontaneous, the client feels safe and free to engage with the Land, follow their longings, and connect with their wisdom.
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Rollin,
thank you for your reflection and question, “how do you see the natural cycle of moods and learning (and the compass rose directions) playing a part in our internal and external ânatureâ (or do they play a part?)?I think the key is that they are all a cycle, and we must learn to dance in every season, direction and mood, knowing that there is a gift in each, a shadow in each and that they are not permanent; they will shift.
I think having the compass wheel can help me to orient when I am getting spun-out and wishing things were different. It can help me to feel grounded and to remember everything is in flux.I am aware that I don’t have as clear of an understanding yet of the pattern of my feelings as I do the seasons or directions, but I like the concept and feel like it is worth looking into for the same reason.
I am also aware that sometimes patterns shift unexpectedly, and I am learning that the key to mastery is not just holding vast amounts of knowledge, but knowing how to dance with life when our knowledge proves faulty.
With Love,
James -
@James…
Right on James. I’m a fan of your perspective. I appreciate you taking a moment to respond.
To dance and move with the seasons is such a beautiful art. You seem to wear it well my friend…meaning, that I respect that your journey includes a constant space of discovery (“…,but I like the concept and feel like it is worth looking into for the same reason.”). Your openness to consider…and look deeper into all these different concepts in the training continues to be a great example for us all.
Cheers!
