-
Long Term Jan 2021 Discussion
-
36 Replies
-
Initial post:
Long-term Coaching completely changes my approach to new clients. Instead of coming into a session with the mindset that we need to at least walk away with something and we may or may not meet again, long-term coaching opens it up to continual exploration and the slow and steady build up toward a client’s goal or desired way of being. It allows space for a real honoring of where the client is right now with neither the client or myself to feel any pressure to move too quickly. It broadens my ability to get creative with a program that will best align with a client’s process. Throughout the last half of the coaching course, I had my eye on someone that I really wanted to work with and had had several conversations with her that were very much like discovery sessions. I filed away in my mind lots of information that she shared, and it was not just the content of the information that was useful to me but the way it was expressed. As I noted these things, I felt my mind offering suggestions to me on how we could work together on those specific things in the future. After this last intensive, I felt confident in approaching her to see if she’d like to officially start a coach client relationship, specifically geared toward long-term work. She agreed and I asked for her permission to use the content of our past conversations as a foundation. She felt like there wasn’t a lot for me to go off from those shares but gave permission and we set up another meeting time. I needed just a few more pieces from her, specifically around milestones. How would she know that things were improving and how long does she think this progress will take to achieve? That same day, I sent over a proposal, including the details of the program I had put together as well as cost. I was clear that this is not a concrete plan and that her feedback was essential to the overall plan. I got creative on the cost and had a percentage of it as cash payment and some as bartered services. She is a scholar of Astrology and I have been more and more curious about the subject. She was in disbelief over the accuracy of my assessment and the things that I was tracking within her that she thought she’d kept in the dark in our conversations.In our past conversations over the last several months I had been keying in on certain phrases, thoughts, feelings that were giving me perspective on where she was with her issue. I was also hearing what she was NOT saying. I was using both the stages of change model and the Four Shields model. I’m finding that often the negative expressions of a certain direction in the Four Shields model will be presenting in them if a client is in a place where they are seeking guidance (this was an AHA moment for me during the exercise we did during the intensive). They’re hitting some type of conflict. In this client’s case she is in a place of stagnation and doubt in the realm of the West. Self confidence that was once there has taken a big hit. This tells me that the negative expressions might be starting to have an effect on where she goes from here. I set up the early pieces of the program to help bring awareness to the positive expressions of the West. Resourcing, grounding and revisiting values were big keys to this phase of the work. This acknowledges where she is but also tries to shed some positive light back on it. How will she feel once she finds this grounding in the West? And when she’s seeing more clearly, what does movement to the North feel like? Does it feel realistic, aligned with what she wants? Or will she be in a place of re-creation and feel a pull to loop back to the East? The later elements of my plan are designed for each of these possibilities. If she wants to move into the North as we move along, then I have built in an initiation or rites of passage ceremony to usher her into the North. If we end up back in the East, the program is designed around regrouping, reviewing what worked well in the last experience through the South and into the West. We’ll focus on a new intention, the true need, and finding inspiration to build the new energy.
All in all, I think this went very well. It felt amazing to see the possibility of someone’s future kind of play out right in your mind and onto the program page. I do feel like the money is a growing edge for me and, although I wholeheartedly think I will benefit from the bartered services we agreed on, that certainly didn’t have to be part of this program agreement. I think it made me feel better about what I was proposing and gave her an added incentive to “buy in”. The confidence will come for me on this part.
-
David,
I feel you masterfully create a clear guided plan for your client weaving in many components in which to navigate the client through. Recognizing where the may be an internal client arising within the client when working in a specific direction (West) is a beautiful opportunity to bring light to something I love how you also bring the opportunity to regroup, refocus, resource and even bring in the questions of it it “aligns” with the clients goal…just reading your post, I can feel how you have set up/created strong/safe coaching presence from the beginning with your client. Creating a space for the client to empower them self moving forward toward their goal.Gina
-
David it sounds like you used the Four Shields model as an assessment in some ways like you might use the Stages of Change – to dermine where a client currently is so you can then guide them appropriately moving forward. I hadn’t thought of this idea and I like it a lot! I feel like it fleshes out the Stages of Change in a way that is relatable and easy to understand, and it might be worth sharing that with a client too. I’ve found that educating clients on the Stages of Change to be helpful at times, and using the Four Shields feels like a perfect extension of that in the context of nature connected coaching.
I appreciate what you mentioned about how keeping the long term in mind, there’s no longer as much pressure to “accomplish” something in the short term. I had a first session with a new client recently and I found myself wondering, “am I doing this right?” because it feels like it is going to be a slow and steady build up. I have to remember that it’s always about meeting the client where the are right now.
-
Hi David, I am so incredibly impressed with your tracking of your client, as well as your ability to utilize the four shields model to provide a structure to her challenges and needs. I imagine that you offered a very comprehensive coaching plan to this client. What a gift! She is very lucky to be working with you!
-
David, your clients shock at how much you picked up on that she didn’t think she shared is a true testament to your deep listening skills. Nicely done! I am very drawn to the 4 Shields model and I have also experienced the “aha” you shared about clients seeking guidance. I’ve also used this with myself when I feel stuck. Whatever the “complaint” is, I can usually find it in the negative context of the wheel.
I also wanted to acknowledge your courage in reaching out to your client. Your willingness to approach someone in this manner is inspiring. Thank you for sharing this part of the story!
-
-
02/05/21 – Long Term Coaching – Discussion
Client Back story: She’s a married, Mother of two (a 16-year old girl, and a 14-year old boy). Her husband chose to leave the workforce about 5 years ago. She’s currently the sole earner for the household. She runs a dog walking/daycare business. She also was raised in the Mormon Tradition until she decided to leave the church in her late teens early twenties. (I feel it’s helpful to note, her husband also left the Mormon Church). She recognizing the belief systems and expectations instilled run deep, yet she’s aware that living life under the construct of the Mormon Tradition did not, and does not feel right to her. She felt there existed a lot of “judgment” and “expectation” of the role of what a “woman” and “wife’s duties” are within a marriage and raising a family. She was recognizing running a business and carrying on the duties of maintaining the day to day of the household, and choosing herself was in conflict with construct that she grew up with. She stated feelings of “Shame” come up for her when things like the “house was not cleaned to a certain standard” or if she chose to “take time” for herself that she was not “fulfilling her duty” as a mom and/or wife. Initially her goal is to feel free, and build her relationship with nature, herself and to let go of “shame” and “judgment” that comes up for her as she is seeking a new way of being in her life.
I have seen this client 5 times over the passed number of months. First we started out meeting every two weeks, then transitioned to once a month as she felt more comfortable with some of the tools she has created for herself, of “Traci Time” and began a 5-10 minute per day (divergent/convergent) outdoor practice noticing what is occurring around her, then bringing it into more focus and awareness taking note of what she is feels in her body (physically, emotionally, mentally) . She is practicing putting ritual into daily routine.
Our most recent session followed the Sunday after the Face-to-Face intensive for Long Term Coaching and Parts Work II. She asked if we could push back our session from 9:00 a.m. to 11:00 a.m. which I agreed. As we met at the Park, I could feel and sense the anxiety/nervousness was up for her. I had not seen this during our last two sessions. She had found a state of calm within her. Today was different. As we looked for a spot that called to the client, she quickly sputtered out, “Well, I can’t have these sessions on a monthly basis anymore, it feels that every two months might be better. The client expressed having to talked with her husband. She felt as if she did not tell him of her arrangement for coaching and feelings of “shame” came up for her, even though she knew she was not lying to him. The client then stated, “well, he does not bring any money in,” and “the kids need braces” and a few other things that came up for her during their conversations.
As a coach, I could witness, what was occurring, and it’s common, as one begins to change and it will impact their world around them. During our prior sessions, she and I did discuss the process of change, and as one choses to change sometimes there are two or three steps forward then another step back, called “snapback” which is a normal process. Here I am witnessing the client snap back, whatever occurred in the conversation with her husband, triggered the old pattern she’s working on changing for herself. I feel she is very much in contemplative state and as a coach with a client we are very much in a severance process that will take unknown amount of time depending on the client’s choices moving forward.
In same breath, after telling me she is changing session to meeting every 2 months, she stated she is really interested in working with the energy, Light body, and meditation and the chakra system with me. I said, that’s great, we can work on those things moving forward. I expressed to the client, what you’re asking for takes a commitment, practice to build momentum in between sessions. I told her I will contact her once I put a curriculum together. In the meantime she asked for references for books. I did indicate to here this type of work, is deep inner work, while books can be supportive, it very much is an inner process and relationship to your, not only your body, but also emotional body, mental body, and spirit, and the rest will unfold for you on your journey. I am recognizing the books, may provide her some sense of grounding and understanding of new a vernacular. During our session I we did revisit the conversation about change, and how she has done a great job in over the past number of months bringing awareness to deeper patterns, stemming from childhood, and creating a new relationship within her self. We revisited the conversation of the process of creating a new neuro-network for that’s that supports the change of behavior. This takes time and awareness and practice, self correction, until it becomes natural way of being. Having a “snap back” is common, because the body/mind want’s to stay in the known because it feels safe it in it, even though on a soul level you know it’s time for something new. . .
What does any of the above have to do with Long Term Coaching, well a lot! Deep listening or just listening. The client is telling me exactly what she wants, in an arena that lights her up and once that I am comfortable in. While the ICF and NCC competencies all remind the same and the process of change remains the same no matter what modality is used or how someone comes to change and transform their life. I feel having a clear program, which is the “container” or “sacred space” that is being held and co-created with the client is important.
As I sat with the question regarding long term coaching, it occurred to me, while I might become familiar with different models which support and sustain change and transformation, its just as important for the coach to be comfortable with the model which they work in. For instance, The Power Path, based in Santa Fe, NM works with Medicine Wheel as their foundational teaching as a “map” to recognize where one’s work might be. While all directions are working simultaneously, leaning to recognize where one exist within the “Map” of the Medicine Wheel in their present life can be fruitful for the client. Which pole of the direction is that person in? What can the person do to move toward the center of the pole finding balance between the Positive and negative Pole within the attributes of the direction. Their program is a year long program designed to work with groups, as well as the individual. Each participant sets an intention stated at the beginning of the course, then the rest unfolds as they participate in the program and “walk the medicine wheel” The medicine well became the gateway to various levels of awakening / awareness, yet the map is never gone, it’s just become the operating system in the background instead of on hyper focus because it was new to work with.
We see a similar model working with the Four Shields, which expands on the directions further in as one transition between Directions, (example of moving from North to East, South South East, South into the Southwest, and in accoradance with Child/adolescence’s, time of the season etc…)
We see it again the Model of Concentric Circal Transformational Model which depicts the story, psychology, moving outward to the mythic symbol, ultimately moving the client from awareness to oneness.
No matter what model is used the movement toward transformation is the goal, and the journey of that transformation will look different for each person. I feel in approaching a long term coaching, having a clear understanding of myself and model, I am comfortable in working in as a coach becomes just as important as the model the client is comfortable in as well. I feel the questions for me are, what’s the bridge for me? Where is my window of tolerance as a coach in co-creating a long term plan with a client that best serves them? Recognize my “edge” and where is also the growth in the unknown spaces of myself as coach and maintain a coaching presence for a client all at the same time.
As coach, offering a clear foundational piece that I base transformation work from must be made clear from the beginning with the client. A basic understanding of the “model” or “map” as we work together is important. How the client evolves within the journey of the “map” is up to the client. Being within the threshold of the “model” is where, I feel the coaching and guiding comes in. The model is becomes the “safe” place to experience the unknown/subconscious/shadow side of the self. It’s where the nature meets the client, allowing opportunity to bring “awareness” or “Light” to a pattern, situation or aspect of themselves from neutral observer perspective and has the opportunity to recognize their innate power of choice and possibly a new perspective or relationship with what the client is discovering within themselves hence creating a new perspective or lens in which they see/experience the world through.
The client client can then build on their transformation, by using, the model, we will just say the model of the Medicine Wheel, for now, then becomes not a only a foundation, but a tool for the client to navigate from and within. Creating milestones within journey, is beautiful way to empower the client and creating something more sustainable and not so scary. The milestone, is what assist in anchoring the awareness change occurring, like a virtual time line. It’s a way for the client to track their own progress which can be empowering and perhaps support the client in continue their transformational work. The Milestone assist in making the inner work more tangible, not only felt, but “seen” in some way. It also the feed back the client may be receiving from their external world, could also represent a milestone of their inner transformation.
I feel having a good sense of the “program” or “Map” “Model”, creating milestones, and a brief conversation about change and transformation are key components to have with a client toward at intake so they are aware of the process of transformation, but know they are not alone in their journey. The client will have the support of the coach/guide, tools they are creating, the model they are working with, their own resources to empower them to move forward with the commitment to the themselves.
-
Gina I appreciate that during your conversation with your client, you revisited her successes over the past several months working together. I think that touching on someones successes and strengths is critical for supporting self-efficacy, especially when someone could be in that ‘snap-back’ process. Focusing on what is going well as opposed to what is not going well is a great way to help guide someone through the natural ebbs and flows of the stages of change.
You talk about transformational work needing a model or map, and it’s cool to see how that evolves with each person. I envision it like having a large blank sheet of paper as your map, and as your client moves in different directions, different areas of the map are revealed according to what they experience on their journey. The model or map has some basic key elements, which you tend to see across models, but is not set in stone and the path evolves over time. I think this requires a lot of flexibility and adaptability on the part of coach and client, and the process also naturally instills these positive psychological resources over time. Thanks for planting the seed of that visualization in my brain!
-
Hey Gina, I’m reading your post just now, so I realize it has been a while since you posted. But I just want to let you know that reading your post has been really helpful for me. I really appreciate what you wrote about the importance of establishing a map for a client before diving into consistent coaching sessions. I am really grateful that you have reminded me of the importance of establishing a map, a foundation. I feel that the NCC course offered us several maps, so it’s now up to us on what map we want to use, or to create our own. I would be curious to see what kind of map you use, as well as others in our cohort!
-
-
The long term coaching and partswork intensive really helped me push forward in my coaching practice. I have since started creating audio meditations and visualizations for my clients through a “locked” web page that only my clients can open as a “value add”. It is super fun and so energizing! I’ve also started parts work with one of my clients and had our initial session today.
Here is the update:
I have been working with this client for several months now, without a long term coaching plan. However, at our last session, I had suggested that partswork could be a great approach for him to work with the conflicting energies he is holding and gain clarity on what is going on in his interior landscape. I proposed that we begin partswork. He was interested and agreed that he would like to try it. To prepare for today’s session, I did some more research on Carl Jung’s use of the mandala for his own self-exploration (so awesome!), and I created a “Facets of the Self” handout that explains partswork in my own words. In the document, I outlined what the partswork process would look like and prepared my client for our first 3 hour initial partswork session. As I mentioned above, we had our initial partswork session this morning and it was so cool!!!!! He really “got it” and we were able to explore a part of himself that wants to run the show.Brief background on client: My client is a 62 year old man who is pondering his next phase in life. He describes himself as codependent, always needing to be in a relationship and terrified of being alone. Prior to the pandemic, he broke up with his latest relationship and has faced the pandemic alone. This has been incredibly difficult for him and he also sees how it has benefited him. He realizes that he needs to be comfortable being alone. He knows his need to please other so they won’t leave him is rooted in his childhood experience of being emotionally abandoned by his mother. This fear of being alone prevents him from taking healthy steps forward. He wants to create his own “playbook” and wants to learn how to express his preferences and opinions without fearing the loss of the relationship. He is very extroverted, gregarious, and loves people.
After we went through an overview of partswork, and after I had shared my mandala and my experience in creating it, he began to create his own mandala and identify his parts. We did some interview work with Soul to strengthen and bring awareness to that part prior to interviewing other parts. The part he wanted to focus on was his “People Lover” part. Through the interview process, “People Lover” saw the gifts he brings to the system, “without me, John (not his real name) would not know his neighbors”, and “I want people to feel seen”. People Lover wants to be in charge and has a hard time letting other parts experience themselves because he is so curious about people and want to feel that connection. As People Lover was speaking, he could hear other parts say that sometimes People Lover brings chaos into the system because sometimes the people he brings in create disruption and trouble. People Lover realized that he wanted to bring the “good kind of trouble” and needed help with boundaries. People Lover wanted to tell Soul he needed help discerning when trouble was good and when it was chaotic. Through the process, People Lover was able to tell this to Soul and ask for help. People Lover realized that this pattern started in childhood and because it was a childhood pattern, because he so wanted to connect with his mother and others in his life but he did not have the analytical ability to discern what types of relationships were good for him. He needed help from the rest of the system and wanted to help bring harmony to the whole. Then Soul spoke to People Lover and told him he “had his back” and would help him.
It was a very powerful experience to witness and be a part of as a guide. Later, my client went for a walk with his parts, saw a flock of geese as they grouped in formation and continued to fly in harmony. He wrote to me “Started the walk talking with all the parts as they felt needed, especially People Lover. At one point, a small flow of geese flew over, with two flying short distance ahead from the main group. As they moved away, I could see the main group catching up and flying the efficient V formation. The Soul and People Lover were joined by the other parts for a harmonious alignment, and the rest of the walk was fantastic. And cold, but I never felt alone and hardly noticed the cold.”
My client is eager to do more partswork and I’m so happy he finds it helpful. I love doing this work!
-
@Maria,
I love your example with your client and parts work. I agree with David. I will leave my response to partswork aspect for the partswork conversation. I do wonder how does working with the client and partswork tie into Long Term Coaching for you and your client?
-
-
Gina, David, and Leslie,
Huge thanks to your responses. David, what a beautiful job you did in presenting a long-term coaching plan to a client. I love how you used the 4 shields model as a roadmap for your client. How deeply satisfying that must have been for you. Your deep listening, insight and intuition guided to create something that was meaningful for your client. Thanks for the example!
Gina, I totally agree that our own way as coaches and the model we are familiar with and have worked with in the past is what we uniquely offer. We each have unique gifts and ways to support our clients as they navigate their change and transformation process and clients will discover us by the uniqueness of what we offer. Thanks for sharing.
Leslie, your supportive and affirming words for David and Gina are lovely to read. =)
Lastly, I realize I did not address long term coaching models…. Though I work with several clients on an ongoing basis, I have yet to put a long term coaching plan together since my work with them began before I participated in the tool box. I am eager to create a long term coaching model and will likely use the 4 shields/4 directions since I deeply resonate with that model. I also really connect with the idea of play and exploration. I would like to see where I can fit that in…. it resonates with South Sout East and South….. a time of exploring, investigating, playing with different ways of being to see which way resonates best…. I will begin working an a model that resonates for me! Thanks for the inspiration, refocus, and encouragement. I was pretty deep into the partswork in preparation for my client session today.
-
@gmlobito1
Gina, thank you so much for your comments on my post! I feel like this has just become my style of coaching. I find that particularly with clients who are in the West and feeling like they’re starting to hit a wall, it’s a great opportunity to try to prevent the snapback by building them up in the West. Of course, this has a lot of dependency on timing and what has happened since the last session. Sometimes we aren’t able to catch them before the snapback happens, as I’m seeing in your post. This is great identification of both the snapback taking place since your last session, as well as the dynamics of a person starting to change. People in their life aren’t always going to take this well….and the clients themselves even struggle with the change. Her new interest in moving forward with the energy work feels a lot like she went right back to the East in the 4 Shields model, starting over with something new to approach her issue. I like how you brought awareness back to the previous progress and normalized snapback.What I really am interested in is your reflection on long term coaching and talking about the client where you stated “As coach, offering a clear foundational piece that I base transformation work from must be made clear from the beginning with the client. A basic understanding of the “model” or “map” as we work together is important.” This really resonated with me. I like to arm my clients with knowledge and I can clearly see your point here that this sharing of the model or map is only going to enhance the relationship and potentially the success of the transformation. It gets coach and client on the same page where they can both accurately track the process and it opens up the opportunity for the client to maybe use a model that is familiar to them. I can also see that as the journey goes on, the client is feeling very empowered and more like they are doing this on their own. This is a really nice reflection, Gina! One I will be stealing from you for sure 🙂
David
-
@lesliewier
Leslie, thanks so much for your feedback and yes, much like Gina’s share, I agree with you both! Sharing this model with the client can really help the client track themselves in their process and this could be so crucial to preventing reverse movement. If they’re starting to see signs of the negative expressions of the direction they’re in, this is a time for grounding, contacting your coach, taking a breath.Have you posted your initial post? Just wanting to make sure it didn’t get lost in the ether 🙂
David
-
Maria! Thank you for your feedback! Will you be copying your partswork post above into the discussion board for the partswork section? I will save my comments for that conversation chain 🙂
-
Initial Post
Hi all! I apologize for being a bit late with my initial post here. I was waiting to start working with a few more practice clients and I finally had a chance to get going with them this past week, so I feel equipped to write about the experience.
So I actually want to talk about all three of my practice clients because I want to highlight some of the similarities and differences that have come up in the context of long term coaching. A very brief overview of each, Client #1 is a licensed therapist who is looking to make some changes regarding his health and specifically came to me due to my experience as a health coach. He struggles a lot with negative self-talk and has low self-belief. Client #2 is a freelancer working several part time jobs, and she came to me for help with her career and also sorting through all of the personal goals she has. She has a hard time letting the past go and finds it difficult to articulate who she is. This is a new realm of exploration for her. Client #3 also wants guidance in regards to her career, and in particular wants help with finding a job that she can feel confident in sticking with long term instead of jumping around from one place to another as she has been.
I sourced these three clients from an online community related to some previous coach training that I’ve done in the past, so we all have a common link. Each of them has some coaching education, but not extensively and most of it has been in the context of their own personal transformation. I scheduled a 30 minute Discovery call with each client to first determine that we are a good fit In the call I reviewed my background while also digging more into their reasons for coaching and how I might be able to help them. We also covered coaching would occur in the context of EBI and getting ICF certified, thus our sessions would be recorded. Finally near the end we discussed what the coaching logistics might look like moving forward.
It was at this point that I realized the value of asking the client questions like, “How will you know when you’ve achieved what you set out to achieve?” and “How long do you anticipate this will take for you?” Ultimately the process of determining the coaching agreement was collaborative with each of them.
I asked Client #1 how often he wanted to meet, and he said he’d like bi-weekly. Since that isn’t feasible for me, we settled on weekly for one month, at which point we would have a better idea through our work of how long term the relationship might be and how he might like things to change. Things went very similarly with Client #2 who preferred weekly, and we settled on the same plan. As for client #3, it was a bit different. She has a very concrete deadline for when she wants to have a decision made regarding her next career steps, June 9th. So, we settled on 8 bi-weekly sessions for four months, at which point we would evaluate next steps. An exciting thing about this client too is that it turns out she lives only an hour away from me in a city I often visit, so we may be able to do in person sessions out on the land, which she is keen to do.
When I put the question to the Client, “what feels right for you?” in terms of length and frequency of meeting I found that Client’s #1 and #2 where a bit unsure and looked to me for guidance in terms of the long term length. It was at that point that I recalled in class Michael mentioning that it can take several sessions to really discover the true deeper need and then determine how long it could take to meet that need. Thus we felt that one month of sessions would be a good amount of time to get a feeling for how much longer the journey could be.
After each discovery session I sent each Client the Disclosure form as well as payment information and a Client intake form. In one month once I’ve determined with Clients 1 and 2 how they’d like to move forward, I’ll send another Disclosure form with the updated time frame and sessions.
In terms of long term focuses on coaching, I’d really like to do some Strengths based work with Clients #2 and #3 in particular, one because they are familiar with and have already taken the VIA Strengths Assessment prior to our coaching, and two because I’ve found that Strengths work is very helpful in terms of guiding someone in their vocation. With Client #1, our coaching will be similar to the coaching I do for Noom as a health coach in which I use Motivational Interviewing and Appreciative Inquiry. I’d like to explore the Four Shields model with Client #3 because nature is something that’s very important to her and a big part of her life.
It was great to have Discovery sessions with all three clients in one week to see the similarities and differences and to build off of my learnings with each one. Having different clients too will give me the opportunity to try some new things that I’m not as familiar with like the Four Sheilds Model.
-
@Leslie,
I really appreciate in your post recognizing that your #3 client may be better suited with the four shields model complimenting her interest in Nature. Example of meeting your client with their strengths as you mentioned doing “Strength Work” I can feel how supportive it is to work with clients with their strengths, and later on what they feel are “weakness” can be addressed in a safety and comfort while they allow themself to be comfortable in their vulnerability as the coaching progresses of the long term. I love this concept of “Strength Assessment” I can see the use of the assessment can be a helpful and clear reflection of where the client is currently at in relationship to their goal, in this case, it’s career oriented. I this idea of the Strength Assessment. I can see myself using this idea, perhaps as part of the intake process.
-
-
Ok, friends,
Here goes…. in response to LONG TERM COACHING and not Partswork….
I have a client who continues to make very incremental progress towards her goal of decluttering her home. She was my very first guiding client and I have been guiding her for quite a while. She is very nature-based and has a deep mystical sense of Creation. We have done a lot of good work identifying and connecting with vision and “why?”, connecting with body sensations/feelings/emotions while she works through a decluttering activity as a threshhold experience, identifying barriers/conflicting commitments (shame, family modeling, dislike for activity, emotional attachment to objects, grief and loss of grandparents death, sense of ecological and personal responsibility, prefer to be outside, not enough time, etc.), exploring different “decluttering” methods, introducing her to the stages of change, experimenting with ways of being such as “going through my boxes/decluttering is a way of caring for myself and an expression of self-love”, creating daily rituals/mantras/intentions to support her, etc. and her movement forward is still extremely slow. She simply does not like to organize, she is ashamed of her home, and prefers to be doing anything but go through the tedious activity of sorting through her things….. It is sooooo hard for her…. I sincerly wish that I had created a long term coaching plan for her right from the start. I am wondering if it is too late to press the “reset” button and co-create a coaching plan with her. I sense that a guiding plan, such as the 4 Shields model, and clear, self-identified milestones, could provide her with a “roadmap” and help her visualize her progress. And she has had progress–!!
Even if I don’t move forward with creating a guiding plan for her, I can still use the 4 Shields Model to explore where she is and how I can support her. When I look at the 4 Shields model, or “Wheel of Transformation”, (of course this also reminds me of Hildegard of Bingen’s Cosmic Wheel and Cultivating the Tree of Life illuminations… Hildegard is a 11th Century mystic from the Rhineland and her images of the Cosmic Wheel/Tree of Life are so similar to the 4 Shields or the 4 Directions it’s uncanny…. She had incredible visions and saw the earth as a globe held by the universe when people still thought the earth was flat…. and saw the universe as a cosmic egg)…but I digress. When I look at the 4 Shields Model, I can see that my client seems stuck in the South and goes back and forth between the negative traits of the South and the positive traits in the South. When I look at the model, I see that the majority of our coaching sessions have been focused on “practicing reflection” to try to move to the West, towards the commitment of doing the hard work. There are moments of self-discovery for her (West) and then small snap backs that take a while to recover from. Perhaps offering her this model as a way for her to reflect on where she finds herself in her process might be helpful. As she is in the South, we can experiment with her way forward by brining in some of the positive attributes of the direction: play, embodied sensations/emotions, spontaneity, instict, discovery, curiosity, experimentation, openness, wonder, presence, etc.
When I look at the 4 Shields Model and track my progress as I guide, I see that I am in the West, moving towards the North. I am searching for my identity as a guide, discovering the way I show up as a guide. I face the darkness of my discomfort in not knowing how to proceed with my client. I face my own shadows (lack of confidence, not being enough, seeking perfection, mistrustful). I am learning to stay in the tension of being in the discomfort. It is hopeful to see that the wheel offers the hopeful message of movement forward towards owning, manifesting, and nurturing my identity as a guide.
-
Maria it sounds like your client is in the process of developing resilience when she experiences snapbacks. I’ve found I really struggle when clients move slowly and have low resilience because I want so deeply for them to achieve everything that they want for themselves. I have to remind myself to meet them where they are, and if that means going slow then I have to slow down too. That’s hard because I’m so goal driven and always rushing forward, haha. I think in that way, coaching has really helped to change my brain too.
I’ve found with clients in this space, working explicitly on self-compassion has some significant positive impacts. I have a client within Noom right now that your post reminds me of and every time I think she’s made progress forward, her brain snaps her back into the old ways of being. It’s just a constant chipping away at the earth until eventually the water can flow on in it’s own and create a river, then a grand canyon 😀
-
Maria, I am a bit late in these responses, so I am curious if you reached out to her to reset and make a long-term plan? I wonder if the idea of a fresh start with a long-term plan would re-ignite your client’s hope and motivation? I know for me, when I have a goal and I’m not making much progress, I feel like a truck stuck in the mud, spinning my wheels, but just getting deeper into the mud and more stuck. I’m curious if this could be a useful way to reset with a client and would love to hear your experience if it’s something you tried with her.
Thinking about what you shared about the client not being able to take action makes perfect sense when I look at the 4 Shields diagram in our handbook. If she’s stuck in the south, the diagram says “to move: practice reflection”. I notice that “taking action” is how to move from the west to the north. What’s additionally interesting to me is that I recently went on a wilderness quest, and the program I participated in used the 4 Shields model. I learned from them (at least I don’t recall this in our class, if it was said, my apologies to Michael) that when we are stuck in a shield the medicine is in the opposite shield, however we can’t jump across the shield and we have to move through the next shield to get there. To me, this matches with her inability to take action. Taking action would be skipping over the west shield.
Your experience with this client really helped me in thinking more deeply about the 4 Shields model. Thank you for sharing!
-
-
@Leslie
Like Gina’s comment, I also appreciate how you tailor your approach to your client’s needs, interests, and goals. You match your “language to their language” by offering a way forward that adapts to their style. Seeing them as the whole person, you are able to offer them a path that will likely meet less resistance since it is presented in a framework that they are intuitively comfortable with. This is another way of deep listening and reflecting back using the client’s own worldview.
I also see in your reflection that you were also able to adapt to uncertainty. You said, “It was at that point that I recalled in class Michael mentioning that it can take several sessions to really discover the true deeper need and then determine how long it could take to meet that need.” What nudged you internally to take that pause?
-
Thanks for picking up on matching my language to their language Maria! This is actually something that I’ve noticed is an important ICF competency and something that’s explicitly stated in the benchmarks for the PCC certification level, so this is definitely something that’s been on my radar.
-
-
@lesliewier
Leslie, first of all congratulations on this! I know for a while you weren’t taking on clients and reading that you now have 3 clients to work with long term makes me really happy. And I’m happy for them as well. They have a great coach! I can see the work you’ve put in to get the foundation going for these clients. You’ve hit all the key elements, not only pulling in information to get to deeper need, but asking about timeline/milestones, and asking for their input on the program. You reflection about working with client strengths is a great reminder for me. I often forget that the client is bringing that resource to the table. Something I need to tap into more. Thanks so much for your share!-
David thank you so much for the kind words!
-
-
@mariarosagalter
Maria, I feel the same way with a couple of clients I have been working with in that I wish I had had this perspective of long-term coaching earlier on. I will say that I don’t think a reset is necessary to work this in. You’ve done a substantial amount of work thus far. What if you considered that work up to this point the discovery phase? You have more and more insight on this client now than you’ve ever had and now have a model to work with that can support long term work with her. I think you’re right on with your ideas for how to work with her in the South. I think it’s a good opportunity to be open with her and tell her that a long term program would be beneficial to her. One that follows a model and you can teach her how the model works. Do you feel like you hit the deep need with her?Also, you are enough! And I love you <3
-
Summary post:
Some big take-aways for me came from my cohort friends:
-being open to a client coming into long term coaching with a model they prefer
-working with the client to help them understand the model I’m working with if we’re using a model of my choosing
-remembering to focus on and use client strengths during coaching
-the earth is round, hahahaha!Through long term coaching I feel like I am finding my style and really deciding what tools fit best in my style of coaching. This is a really nice change because I felt like a lot of past sessions were always a different version of me, depending on which section of the course we were in. Now with long term coaching, we’re getting to choose the tools that are the right fit not only for us but for the clients.
Setting milestones with the client gives them something tangible to reach for, something to measure their progress and keep them engaged in the behaviors or habits that they desire.
-
@david.fontaine2
You are so sweet!!!!! Right back at ya, friend!
Thanks for your insight. I think we have been skirting around the deeper need…. my guess is that her deeper need is to resolve the internal conflict between the part in herself that wants to be organized (and is this an introjected belief?) and the part of herself that feels organizing is overwhelming and too hard (and where is this self-belief coming from?) and accept herself, just as she is, without shame. It could be that her feelings of shame are paralyzing her, so she keeps herself in the state of overwhelm focused on her objections as a way of taking care of herself. How are the objections a way of protecting herself? If she focuses on her objections, she does not have to deal with her own self-judgement or introjected and maybe painful beliefs around self-worth, attachments, and sense of security.
Thanks for asking the question….. answering it gave me some clarity on how her objections might be a way of self-protection…. the vulnerability of sorting through her objects might be so painfully difficult for her that running from her emotions is the best she can do right now. It is self-protective…..
-
Some take aways from this module and discussion. I feel, it’s supporting me in recognizing the area I light up in. While I love working with Medicine Wheel/Four Shields type of models, and find they are supportive in reconnecting to our innate connection to nature and the self. I realize, time and time again that I really enjoy working from the perspective that all things have energy, feeling, and will resonate somewhere in the body. I enjoy using the body has map to bring awareness to the way the body receives and communicates information. In addition to the body, Using nature and connecting with nature is an important piece in connecting to the body, and bringing awareness to the self, using Nature as mirror to reflect back information and insight. Naturally, the directions and natural cycles will support this work.
I appreciate the sharing of my fellow cohort and see the benefit of creating a long term coaching plan and making this part of the co-creation or conversation with the client with regard to long term coaching. I can also the benefit, of us as coaches being aware of what direction the client is in whether or not there is a long term coaching plan in place. Recognizing the when a client’s strengths and having the client speak to their strengths and begin from there can be a gentle, safe entryway in establishing a coaching relationship right from the start.
