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Guiding Through Trauma Discussion (December 2017)
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25 Replies
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Initial Post- Tauma.
Trauma-
What doesn’t set well with me is that our bodies physically receives the trauma and it stay with us, that is unless we heal from it. Usually these traumatic experiences show up in our present moments without us even realizing it. For example why some are scared of letting people in, feeling like we can’t express ourselves, fear of change, etc. For most some of these traumatic experiences are projections from others, and as I see it and experience it, it happens during childhood where we are experiencing everything for the first time. I am not sure who said this but it sit well with me and it is what I believe for us all. “Your wound is probably not your fault, But your healing is your responsibility.”
Traumatic experiences aren’t easy for most to dig up, or to even talk about. We are taught to be strong, that being emotional these days is a sign of weakness. I truly honor others when they are open to healing, and are able to talk about things that aren’t easy… Yes, it is easier to lock our emotions up, put them away in a box and act like they don’t need to be brought out again. NO. Unless we heal from our wounds they will never go away. They will keep affect us in our present moments.
I have ALWAYS been curious to find out why people are the way they are. I loved hearing about people’s pasts and experiences. For me it helped me understand people, but for the longest time it served as an excuse for others. OH it’s ok because this happened to them and that is why they are like this…this brought a very unhealthy bond between me and many people in my life. Now the way I look at it is… SO now what? What are you doing do about this? Use it as an excuse and ignore the root of the issue? Of course I don’t want to go about it in such a harsh way, but to be there in the present moment with them and celebrate that YES now that you have discovered this, what now?! Lets do this and move forward! Be excited for them. Having these realizations are not easy to discover. They aren’t east to dig up.
I understand as a coach it is not our job to drag out others traumatic experiences but it is our job to notice when there is something in our clients way, something blocking them from growing and moving forward. It is our job to be in the most present moment while working with others so we can recognize any harm that has been done.
I can notice my own blockages and my own trauma a lot clearer. I can see the bigger picture. Yeah, it made me mad at first that the only thing that was in my way was myself, and my own trauma, and yes it was easier for me to ignore it, till now.
Mindfulness, and grounding ourselves when these occasions arise is one of the biggest tools we have. When a client comes to a blockage in their path, and they recognize their own trauma, this is HUGE. Bringing everything to the surface give us an opportunity to heal and learn how to move past it. Learning what to do from HERE on out is what we’re after. Like what we learned, “it is about bringing people into a state of greater connectedness, presence, safety, and ease.” and another repeat that was said that is a great reminder to us all is that…”You can’t be in the state of gratitude and trauma at the same time, and that’s where resourcing comes in to help regulate and ground us.”
To sum it up, I believe recognizing trauma is a huge skill to practice because it will arise in every client at some point. One huge thing that I remind myself is, is to not feed into it as well. Our job is keep our client moving forward towards their goals and their healing.
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Hi Michelle. I like what you said about not feeding client’s trauma’s and that you keep them moving toward their goals. I feel I may be hanging with the “problem” longer than I should. I know I could be better at interrupting. I remember from a fishbowl that you have a gift for interjecting questions that turn the client around on a dime or that break their cycle, doing so in a way that feels safe and caring. Bravo!
You opened with the fact that trauma stays in our bodies. Do you envision helping clients physically release it? I can imagine using some of the tools we learned if they are immobilized by trauma but I wonder if there are ways we as coaches could work physically as well as mentally it in less urgent situations. Thoughts?
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Thanks elizabeth! I agree that it is easy to hang around too long on the clients “problem” rather than help them move through it and to move on. I believe for me it is because I want to understand their back round and I want to understand why they are the way they are. BUT this doesn’t matter. That is not our job. Like you said, its our job to brake their cycle, to shake up homeostasis. Hopefully, most of our clients are coming to us to move on from an issue/bad habit or a repeating cycle.
TO answer your question about if I see myself helping my clients release their trauma the answer is most definitely. I would love to learn more ways to do so, or practice with myself first. I love all the grounding exercises, and would love to brainstorm more ways to physically release it from our body. I also believe that helping our clients focus more on what does work and what is going well in their life will create that positive container for them to focus on more.
I also wanted to add that I agree with you 100% percent about clarifying their goal from the beginning to make sure you stay on track and to prevent yourself from having road blocks as you said… I think that is a good way to stop when things are getting off track and from going too far down the wrong road. You may ask, “so how is this effecting you from your original goal, or what is the relationship to your goals.” This is a great reminder to stay on track to your clients goals and not have any attachments to your clients outcome. So THANK YOU!
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Hi Michelle,
I really appreciate what you are saying about the role of trauma in our lives, and the opportunity we each have to either identify with it and use it as a justification for the way we are, or to take responsibility for healing it.
I am curious about your own experience with personal trauma, and/or your experience with noticing other people’s trauma. Once you are aware of the trauma, and are able to ground and become present again… what do you see as the next steps to healing? I ask because I don’t know that I have an answer myself for this question. I really believe in the heart of what you are saying and I’m just wondering how we as people with our own trauma, and we as guides, help ourselves and others come to resolution.
Thanks so much for your sharing!
Megan
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Megan! Everything I have learned through EBI has made me look a lot closer at myself and my habits or patterns, my own trauma, etc. I believe there is stages of what happens next for us, or at least for myself.
Once I have had realizations of what has happened in my life, including trauma it seems I go though a series of emotions. First it seems to be emotional, things that I have dug up that I didn’t want to remember or admit, things that I thought weren’t affecting me but were, etc. Than it is an emotion of relief, I feel that it creates a space for healing. I feel that allowing it all to come to the surface has allowed me to look it dead in the eyes and it has given me the power to heal and move on. I havent quite figured out how to completely heal from some things. Especially things that are still happening in my life today. But it has given me the upper hand knowing what isn’t right, and than it really puts the ball in our court you know? I have realized I can’t put the blame on other people for something I have allowed. It allows me/us to feel like we have more of the control of the situation. I think that is HUGE. If we can give our clients the feeling of having control over how they are being treated, or how they need to respond to something that isn’t healthy for them than that is a big step in the right direction.
So to answer your question about once I have realized my own trauma an I able to release it. The answer is yes, I believe it creates the space to than heal but I do believe there series of emotions and different steps for everyone….
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Hi Michelle,
I really like that quote you used – “Your wound is probably not your fault, But your healing is your responsibility.” I think it sums up trauma pretty well and our role as coaches. I agree with you that it’s unfortunate that trauma can enter our bodies and never leave. I wasn’t aware of this and the issues it can cause if not tended to properly. The good news is that as coaches we are in a unique opportunity to not only spot it, but to take steps towards helping a client do something about it. That’s why I like your quote – it may not be their fault, but it is their responsibility to release the trauma and we can help. Thanks!
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Initial Post – Trauma
I believe that trauma will impact most of my coaching sessions. Given that trauma can arise from a shock; from developmental, vicarious or secondary experiences; or even community or intergenerational influences, I doubt that any of us escapes at least some of it’s symptoms.
I have three practice clients and I see the effects of what could be trauma in each of them, though their symptoms and circumstances vary. Thankfully, none has demonstrated any dramatic manifestations since our sessions are all via Zoom.
As non-paying practice clients, they didn’t come with tangible goals at the outset. I have begun each session asking if they have a specific goal (they don’t), so then I ask “What’s up for you right now?” or some equivalent. Each client, in every one of their sessions, has expressed a challenge around what I now recognize as a theme for them. Because each has a recurring pattern, I surmise that this could be trauma related.
Client #1 clearly has trauma from a tumultuous divorce, death of both parents and children leaving the nest, all in a short period of time. Her response has been to shut down. She has a very difficult time expressing feelings, even denying them. She sees every issue she brings up as black or white, rigidly clinging to the belief that there is no solution, probably fearing chaos as a result of the trauma. We learned that in a client’s window of tolerance they will vacillate between hyper and hypo and when they get too activated we may need to take breaks. This may be helpful to employ with her.
During our last session I experimented with Partswork, inviting her to consider which part of her was expressing different viewpoints or beliefs, I was grateful for Katie’s recommendation to ask for permission to experiment because I could feel her resistance. We didn’t have much time left in the session so I suggested that she experiment with it during her daily walks. I asked her to alternate embodying the two parts we identified and notice the difference between the two. Plus, when different parts emerge in her daily life.
When I spoke with her the other day to schedule our next session she raved about the experience. I recall Katie saying that our role as coaches is to be the leader of experiments, not trying to be perfect or to even be concerned with an outcome. What a relief!
Client #2 struggles with remorse and regret over past decisions, fearing that he has or will let his loved ones down. I recall learning that it doesn’t matter what caused the trauma, only what is happening now. At one point I experimented with having him visualize a pernicious negative belief as a shape, then removing it from his body. It didn’t land for him so I acknowledged that and we moved on. I know I’m making progress because that would have snagged me earlier on. I’ve found that with him, it’s most effective for me to stay fully present, seeing him as whole and complete, believing that he can embody the qualities he wants and to take things very slowly. I track his energy, mostly just creating space for him to process, then gently guiding him into visualizing his positive future. Usually we end with an affirmation that I ask him to repeat until it sounds convincing. Our last session ended with him having a profound insight and a flood of emotion that left us both in tears.
Client #3 grew up with family dysfunction. His sessions usually involve how to handle a dynamic with family or friends, which the client is now recognizing as a pattern. This client demonstrates a great deal of resilience so our sessions are more light-hearted and conversational than the other two. I still remain very focused so that I can highlight what I notice arising, but it feels safe to ask challenging questions without worrying that I’ll shut him down. In fact, he welcomes them.
The first client has done little if any personal work before this coaching. The second one has education in counseling and the third one has done the most personal work. I am directly experiencing the importance of meeting clients where they are.
Before learning about trauma I felt ill equipped and concerned because each session felt more like counseling than coaching. This still seems a bit confusing as I wonder whether they’d benefit more from a therapist. Clearly they are deriving benefit, but I wonder how we’d both feel if they were paying and whether they would continue.
Since we learned that people are wired to perceive threats first, perhaps what they’ve chosen to work on arises from an instinctual response to trauma. If I can guide them into focusing on what’s right or what is working to a greater degree, perhaps more tangible, future-focused goals will emerge. I think this is a conversation I should have with them, along with asking for specific feedback on my coaching which I haven’t done yet.
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Hi Elizabeth,
I really appreciate what you are bringing up about experiments… and the general nature of experiments is sometimes they yield amazing results, and sometimes they utterly fail. It’s just the nature of the game. I love the idea of being totally OK with that, and just giving an idea a try. This seems particularly useful with clients who might seem stuck, but I can also see how it’s a good energy to bring to any session. To embody an energy of willingness to experiment requires me to remember that I’m not the expert, I’m just a helper… it helps me embody a more playful humility, which feels good.
“Hey, here’s an idea… what do you think?” Even if it’s a NO, I sense that trying something moves things in some way.
I also appreciate what you bring up around the gentleness and sensitivity you bring to each client, and sensing which ones can tolerate and even enjoy tough questions… while others might need understanding and listening. It is another good reminder for me to drop my agenda. Some people are not ready to dive to the bottom of the well, and trying to get them to go there before they are ready could be very detrimental to their process and your relationship.
Thank you for all you shared here.
Megan
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Hi Elizabeth,
I agree with you – it’s probably impossible to escape some form of trauma in our lives, and we will definitely be exposed to trauma from those around us. I shared the same thought towards trauma before this intensive as you did, that being I also felt ill-equiped to handle it thinking a therapist was needed. I wasn’t even sure how to be around it, let alone work with someone who is experiencing it. Now that we have gone through this session, I agree with your later comment, “If I can guide them into focusing on what’s right or what is working to a greater degree, perhaps more tangible, future-focused goals will emerge.”. This feels spot on. Trauma feels so dark and mysterious, but by gently guiding towards what is working it could potentially pull the client out of the “fuzz” they are in and help in starting to develop a plan to get past it. Thanks!
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Michelle,
In reading your post again I just had a big aha from this: “I understand as a coach it is not our job to drag out others traumatic experiences but it is our job to notice when there is something in our clients way, something blocking them from growing and moving forward”For some reason, every since starting EBI I’ve been struggling with the line between coaching and counseling. When my clients get too deep into stories around trauma, I get uncomfortable wondering how far to go on it and whether they would be better off with a counselor. Now I get it. My job is to move them toward their goals, clearing the roadblocks. Not to “feed into it” as you say.
I think if I make certain their goal is clear from the start, this will be much easier. I notice that I have a tendency to follow them down paths that may more about the roadblock than the goal.
THANK YOU!
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INITIAL POST
For this practice session I was working with an existing client. This was our third session together so the coaching relationship was established and I noticed a falling into deeper trust and rhythm together as coach/client.
We began by checking in about what had happened since our last session and whether or not she had accomplished her goals. Then I asked her how she would like to use the session. She laughed and asked if I could fix her anxiety.
I sensed a discomfort in her laugh and the way she brought it up in jest. Perhaps she wasn’t sure if it was appropriate or ok to talk about her anxiety with me, her business coach. I also had a moment of wondering if I was ok with it, and how on earth I was going to navigate. But I had a pretty immediate sense that it was important for me to be completely okay with meeting her in her anxious place, and that backing away would potentially break the trust we’d been building. So instead I paused, and waited for a question. And then a question came – Do you have a sense of what your anxiety is in relationship to? She seemed to surprise herself with ‘YES’, and so much unraveled from there.
This simple question exposed a deep core wound from childhood. It was obvious from a story she shared that there was some unresolved trauma, and she acknowledged this herself. She began to use a metaphor of a lake… one that she’d perhaps been avoiding for many years, but now was willing to stand at the edge of, and let the waves brush her toes. I asked, what do you notice about your anxiety when you imagine yourself standing at the lake? She seemed surprised to observe that the lake felt grounding and calming. She said it helped her anxiety.
She volunteered that it would be good for her to sit with the lake some more, and we created a general structure of how she would continue working with the lake in between sessions.
At the end she thanked me for NOT trying to fix her anxiety. This was a huge breakthrough for me. It reminded me of the power of curiosity, and also what a gift it can be to just meet someone where they are and be completely ok with whatever IS.
This experience is helped me start to build a new confidence in my ability to meet what comes my way. In a way, I was also standing at the edge of a lake, letting the water brush my toes. For years I’ve been afraid of being in relationship to other people’s trauma and mental illness, and done what I can to avoid it. And now here I am standing at the edge of the lake, realizing maybe it is not the beast I dreamed it to be.
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Hi Megan. I appreciate that you brought up “…what a gift it can be to just meet someone where they are and be completely ok with whatever IS.” This has been alive for me too and I see it as my primary work in learning to coach effectively. For me this means fully surrendering in connection with the other person. By connection I mean a meeting of the souls, which I feel energetically. I believe you were in this state when you said you waited for the question. This allows answers to come from a deeper place than the mind.
I really enjoy dropping in deeply with clients and find that it’s easier with some than others, just as it is in life. For me, practicing “being ok with whatever is” allows for deeper connection, without judgement, so that I can see beyond circumstances to the beauty of the soul. A recent awareness highlighted that it’s easier for me to see the perfection in others than in myself. Something I’m working on because my connection with clients can’t be completely “clean” if I’m not able to do this with myself as well. Thanks for bringing this up!
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Hey everyone! Let’s get this discussion rolling! It’s Late! Great work to those who have posted.
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Summary Post – Trauma
Last week I participated in a leadership/trauma release workshop that provided a much wider perspective of the role that trauma plays in our lives. I watched accomplished leaders collapse into trauma responses from seemingly innocuous interactions. For example, one woman became seriously triggered if people touched her without addressing her verbally first. We later learned that she had a history of horrific abuse.
What I took away from the workshop, and this learning module, is that we need to be very aware of how everything we say and do can affect the client. For example, last week, I received an email from a practice client. He had some questions about the EBI program, which I answered to the best of my ability and also suggested that he contact EBI for more specifics.
Later, I got an intuitive hit that perhaps my directing him to EBI would feel dismissive, even though I addressed all of his questions. So, I wrote back and asked. In fact, it had triggered him. Remembering the importance of “repair” I was glad I asked. Looking back over things he shared during our past coaching sessions, I can see that trauma may underlie what arose for him.
I believe we should maintain high awareness of trauma because it’s effects could be unexpected. For example, someone I know fell into a sudden and severe depression that coincided with a friend and co-worker being fired. I mentioned this to a therapist friend and she offered that the response might be due to an abandonment issue. Knowing the history, I believe this is true yet I never would have expected the symptoms, nor the cause.
It may be wise to ask clients up front if they have experienced trauma that could impact their coaching sessions. As we learned, we don’t even need to know what it is specifically, though of course that would help. A homeopath I know asks clients to create a life timeline of high and low events, which she reviews with clients at the first meeting. I like this idea because it highlights the pattern of their life and opens the door for creating the future they want.
I don’t intend to become overly focused on trauma to the point I go looking for it. As Michelle stated in her post, we need to keep the client moving forward in spite of the trauma. My goal is to become attuned to the client in such a way that I recognize shifts in energy and can flow with it so that clients feel safe and supported in moving beyond what may have held them back in the past. With the resourcing tools we learned, I feel confident that, when trauma does arise, I can help the client ground, stabilize and return to the present.
As Megan shared, “What a gift it can be to just meet someone where they are and be completely ok with whatever IS.” To do this, I need to continue practicing presence and connection so that my own “stuff” does not interfere with the session. We all have triggers or challenging parts, but staying in connection with my soul and the other person creates space for Nature to participate and healing to occur.
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SUMMARY POST
I had a recent personal experience with trauma release that started in the Fall at our Face-to-Face for Gestalt/Partswork. The initial release was activated by an unplanned coaching session I had one evening with Carrie, in which she helped me recall a past traumatic experience that was still unconsciously impacting my life. With this memory she guided me to become aware of what was happening in my body and where I was holding the trauma. As I brought my attention to where I was holding the trauma, I felt an untwisting happening at the base of my spine… like a knot beginning to unravel.
An energy release came with this unraveling and the next day I felt very alive and agile – at this point, the energy seemed to have moved about halfway up my spine and settled around my third chakra. The following day, I was miserable. The energy had moved all the way to my head and resulted in an excruciating headache. The pain itself was so severe that it became altering, and I began to journey further into the trauma. I relived past memories and uncovered preceding traumatic experiences that had planted the seeds for the more recent one to happen. I came to see that my headache was a physical manifestation of unacknowledged psychological abuse I’d experienced as a child and teen.
The pain resolved within two days, but what unraveled from there has been an enormous amount of movement and change in my life. I can see now that it has all been connected to this initial experience.
Six months later, I am able to see the bigger picture more clearly. I am able to think back on these traumatic experiences with neutrality and compassion. I feel a deep sense of forgiveness and understanding that the abuse I experienced came from wounded people, acting from their own trauma. It’s only now that I feel this trauma I’ve been holding is coming to resolution. And still, I sense there is more integration to come.
I bring all of this up because I think as a guide it’s important to understand that something as big as trauma resolution doesn’t happen in one session, or over a few week period. It takes time. And although it’s not my role to show up as a trauma therapist, I do think that I have the capacity as a guide to be aware of and track someone’s trauma (and hopefully their trauma resolution), and to see it in a bigger landscape of their life path. I think it’s essential to understand that resolving trauma is also likely to lead to massive changes in someone’s life.
I also want to acknowledge how supported I was through this process- by my own inner resources as well as external support of peers, guides and healers. In my case, I was ready and Carrie’s questions helped me open a door. That said, the journey challenged me in ways I could have never imagined. It took me to my edges and even beyond. With this in minde, I would not want to ask an unraveling question to a client who does not have the resources to embark on this sort of journey with success. I think there is an essential step and responsibility as a guide to assess how resourced a client is before inviting them down the rabbit hole.
I think I will leave it at that for now. Thank you all for offering me space to share. It is greatly useful to me to reflect on my own experiences, and to call in my experience and let it be a teacher to me in this journey of learning to guide.
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Megan, thank you for sharing, I am so proud of you. You were open and willing to address the issue. It has been a process and the process most likely will continue. I agree, going down the rabbit hole with clients who do not have the resources can be problematic. It is important to know what our limitations are and that the clients are supported appropriately.
Reflecting back on our progress is beneficial, I believe. It is like when in a coaching session, repeating back to the client what they are saying/ reflection.
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Initial post – Brad Bankhead
Shortly after our sessions on recognizing and working with symptoms of trauma, I had the opportunity to apply and practice some of that understanding and skills. This person has a history of chronic and sometimes severe social anxiety. In this instance, he was experiencing very labored breathing, crying, severe anxiousness, shaking and inability to speak. I could sense that circle of energy escalating and feeding on itself. I thought of the need to dissipate that energy somehow like the example of the deer sequencing its energy.
I remembered the need to create some focus for this person outside of himself. I simply started with my voice. He seemed very near hyperventilation so I just spoke in a quiet and consistent voice asking first if he could hear my voice. Can you hear me? Slowly he began to nod “yes”. I replied good and encouraged him to just keep his ears attentive to my voice as best as he could. Are you still able to hear me? Yes came the reply. We did this for what seemed like 10 minutes or so. His labored breathing began to subside slightly so I reflected that to him. You’re beginning to breath a little easier. Yes he nodded. Just focus on my voice and breathe a little easier if you can. As his breathing eased further, I asked if he could take a slower, deeper breathe – he did. At this point I asked if he thought he could maybe take three deep breaths and he did. I reflected that he did that very well. As he began to calm, I asked that he further focus on his own breathing and try to control the rhythm and pace. As he moved into a more normal breathing pattern, I checked in with his anxiety level – better he replied. Eventually we were able to have a conversation and then his ability to acknowledge a calmness and okness returning to his body.
The whole understanding of sequencing and the need to cooperate with the body to release pent up energy took on a whole new dimension of understanding in this experience.-
Great job Brad! I loved the deer analogy that was shared. It sound exactly like what you and your client were experiencing. How did you feel during the process? I find it amazing how focus/ distraction and breathing can be so helpful.
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Summary Post – Brad
As I look over my notes and handouts and read your posts and comments, I’m struck again with the sense of awe I have about the nature of this course and the incredible souls I am experiencing it all with. I’ve had some challenges technically and otherwise getting to these discussions and I apologize. Interestingly, the last couple of months have been somewhat traumatic for me with a new job and moving to a new city. At this point perhaps its most efficient to both respond to you while I summarize.
Megan, thank you for sharing your own personal story about locating a source of trauma and your willingness to work with it. I appreciate very much your courage to face the cause and stay with it through to release. It’s very interesting to me that with the physical attention to sensations came words like “neutrality and compassion”. It reminds how much our work both internally and with others is wholistic – moving toward the recollection of our whole selves. You’ve provided us with a wonderful illustration and description of the mind, body, soul and spirit connection and how we work with the totality of a person and ourselves. I sensed that you were on the cusp of this experience at our last meeting. I’m so happy with you for this outcome. This is great work no doubt!
Elizabeth, I so appreciate the thoroughness with which you are approaching trauma work. I wonder if this is already a large part of your calling and future work. I am taking a class through the National Alliance for Mental Illness and of course we too are studying brain function and trauma. Environmental trauma seems to be the trigger for the onset of latent genetic predisposition to mental illnesses. PTSD is a condition and term now being applied far broader than war related trauma (and rightly so!) to child abuse, sexual abuse, loss, etc. There is much good work to be done with traumatized (wounded) souls and I’m so glad you feel more confident in helping people ground, feel safe and work toward release.
Michelle, thank you as well for your willingness to share from your own experience with trauma. I think you are right, sooner or later the majority of people we work with will need to address some level of trauma in their lives. And it makes perfect sense doesn’t it, we all have experiences that we are not equipped to handle and leave us with an experience of desperation. I absolutely loved your simple sentence – “So what now?” There you go – right? Our work and our healing can only occur in this present moment, in this present body, present to whomever sits with me now in this place called – here. Your attention to groundedness and matter of fact belief in our skills to achieve that are Assuring to me. I think Elizabeth mentioned in summary that is all about staying connected to soul and another and making room for nature to participate.
Finally, as you all have all alluded to, the role of the mind in regulating thought energy is huge in this respect. There is something very powerful about harnessing the power of mindfulness as a key resource and condition to address trauma. The more I learn about the physiology of the brain, the more I sense that the operation of mindful awareness is the place for change and transformation to occur. Mindfulness and working with the release of trauma symptoms are inseparable.
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Trauma:
I found this face to face greatly beneficial. I like the thought of trauma being on a wide spectrum. Everyone has trauma and expresses it, or lacks in expression in many ways– physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. This session has encouraged me to go deep within myself and reflect upon my life and personal traumas.
I am currently co-facilitating a group of children at the barn at which I volunteer. It is a children’s PTSD group. They come with a variety of “issues” and I am in awe of each and everyone of them. It is interesting observing them. Are they expressing themselves as such due to normal development/ adolesence or is their behavior a result of the trauma they have experienced.
This particular group (of 18 children) get to experience the benefits and healing from animals (animals who have experienced their own trauma), nature (they get to run around in the pasture, get dirty, gather meaningful/ special findings, get fresh air, etc), support from eachother and they are given tools to help ground themself/ relax/ and nurture themselves.
My particular role thus far (this is an 8 week session, 1.5 hours a week) has been 1. supportive role, 2. giving them tools to self nurture. Last week, we practiced breathing exercises and grounding, Yesterday, we practiced mindfulness and awareness. Last night, I we practiced engaging the senses.
Engaging the senses was one of the tools that was shared during the face to face. I have used this tool multiple times since then. I find it to be very beneficial in helping a client/ patient/ child get grounded, calm themselves and self nurture. I love it because it can be practiced anywhere. -
Hi Carrie,
I just really admire all the work that you do and the applications of what we’re learning in your life and work. It seems so sychronous that as we’ve been learning about trauma that you would get to work with children who have been affected by it. What marvelous work! I was reading again this morning, before I saw your post, about the mirroring effects of the natural world. When I read the part about what happens between animals who’ve known trauma and children who’ve known the same, I thought “of course!” the mirroring effect of giving care and learning to receive care. I wonder if these children feel loved by the animals they care about and simultaneously experience that love right back? Giving and receiving, loving and being loved. Belonging. And it seems that being in this love cycle of reciprocity is a powerful healer. Gosh, and teaching them how in that environment to ground themselves – its just absolutely priceless work! Good for you Carrie!
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Trauma
Initial PostMy biggest takeaway from the trauma unit is the concept of “completing the cycle”.
We learned that trauma can occur at any stage in ones life, and it comes in different forms. The first form is shock trauma, which is possibly the most known type of trauma as it occurs in a big single event such as a plane crash, surgery, loss, etc. The second type is developmental, which is an ongoing type of trauma which can occur from abuse, neglect, shame, etc. Finally there is also a type of trauma called Vicarious trauma which can occur in individuals who are associated or work with others who have trauma.
When trauma does occur, it is important to expel the trauma from the system. One example of doing this is the example of “fight, flight, or freeze” response in deer in the wilderness. When a deer hears a noise, it’s body and nervous system automatically go into a heighted state of alert and prepares for “flight”. If it sees a predator, it will run which activates muscles to burn off the chemicals produced by the nervous system and thereby expelling the trauma. The deer may then return to grazing and the process starts again. If the deer does not see a predator, the deer instead of running will shake and activates the muscles to again burn off the chemicals produced by the nervous system. In either event, the deer completes the cycle and expels the trauma from the system and may return to the state it began.
In order to complete the cycle, one must use resourcing to help bring someone into a state of greater connectedness, presence, safety, and ease. The reason for this is you are trying to bring the person into the present moment and help the part of their brain that doesn’t know the traumatic event is over. In short, resourcing is anything that can help and there is no wrong way to resource. There are three types of resourcing: 1) Internal, 2) External, and 3) Spiritual. Internal resourcing can include breathing exercises, meditation, or talking about the event. External resourcing can include being in nature, being in a community, being around people, or even being around pets. Finally, spiritual resourcing can be using things like music, places, or prayer to help the individual cope with the trauma.
As our organization has grown over the years and more and more new faces join our team, I have realized that it has exponentially increased the encounters with trauma within our own building. Life happens and people deal with things all the time, and we have experienced those around us lose pets, parents, and even children in ways that hurt deep and cause trauma. In my coaching context, I shared the process of “completing the cycle” to some in my organization as I described above and I am grateful that I have a way to be around these individuals when they are experiencing trauma and be able to help. Previously I was unsure how to even interact or relate to these individuals during such a hard time, and I think the same can be said for a lot of people in society. It’s hard to know what to say in the moment. Thankfully I am aware of the process to help normalize the feelings someone may be experiencing.
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Summary Post-
Jumping back in the last week or so and reviewing all our notes and all your post and wow I am so excited to see what everyone ends up doing. You all are so passionate about this work and it really is inspiring for me. I know all the post you all are about to receive are months late on my end but finishing this is a big deal for me and I hope to get some feed back or responses from you all.
Talking about trauma, I procrastinate and it has been something I keep learning about myself and working on. If I procrastinate than it’s not there, I don’t have to think about it… till the last minute. I don’t have to stress about finishing things because I literally ignore it and don’t think about it till the last minute. When did this first become a habit I ask myself? When did this at one point in my life, serve a purpose? I have gotten to a point where it isn’t serving me a purpose anymore, and it’s something that every time the occasion arises and I do follow through or finish something on time I remind myself to celebrate. This is a good reminder. That braking these habits and recreating new habits that creating some sort of celebration is important.
Something that I will always carry with me is, I said it in my initial post- “You can’t be in gratitude and trauma at the same time) I recently got a new job for a wilderness therapy program, I start in September! When I got the phone call that I got the job I went into the state of being scared of doing this work. I was so beyond excited that my time has come to step forward and do the work that means the most to me but that same feeling of shutting down and feeling not qualified or nervous that I wouldn’t be able to show up for others came over my whole body. I was driving when I received this phone call, tears came to my eyes, I can’t explain the feeling that came over me. I noticed and realized what was happening and why I was feeling this way. I am aware of my own trauma and the way it effects me in the NOW. I said to myself this is how I heal, being aware and working through it anyways. I am beyond thankful to continue down this road and I know moving forward that each experience while doing this work will also help me heal certain parts of me that were created during the trauma in my life.
Trauma is a subject that I feel needs to be well studied. I feel there is so many different types of trauma and it may look different in every person. Developmental Trauma is (I feel) the hardest to become aware of or at least the hardest to overcome. During the times when nurturing and support was most important we are passed down from others negative beliefs, perceptions about self and the world around us. Something I have realized, when I am away from home and away from the negative beliefs around me I am able to see what is actually mine and was passed down to me. This is so hard to see and realize when your’e in it. Reminds me to return to soul.
Another question that really opened up my eyes, and I am not sure who asked this. “Is it ok to feel ok when things are ok?” My answer was no. I feel we live in a world where we are always trying to fix something, or change something in our lives. We live in a state of worry and concern rather than in a state of gratitude. Again, a reminder to while working with clients talk about 2/3 of what works, create a container that is positive and affirming. Stop focusing on strengthening their weakness, focus on their strengths and what they do know and what IS working.
Regulating is a huge gift you can teach someone. Giving them tools to balance their nervous system during any chaotic time. Listen to how they already regulate themselves and have them make an agreement to use it to help themselves.
A question that I do have, is when to bring in a therapist and how to know it is beyond your ability to help guide them to move past/through it. I guess I will find out!!
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Trauma
7/31/18
Summary PostAfter reading all of the posts, it appears everyone is stumbling into trauma with their clients whether they intended to or not. To go back to Michelle’s quote, “I understand as a coach it is not our job to drag out others traumatic experiences but it is our job to notice when there is something in our clients way, something blocking them from growing and moving forward”. I think this is spot on because a client may be stuck for whatever reason and had we not learned about trauma in this unit, it could have been a mystery for us as a coach! Additionally, rehashing the trauma would likely not be helpful at all – it could potentially make things worse. Thankfully we now have tools to spot the trauma, and to help in working through it. I say help because it may not be possible for us to “solve” it, it may take coaching work as well as therapy depending on the trauma, but at lease we can do more than just spot it. My biggest takeaway still is the analogy of the deer “completing the cycle” of trauma. Trauma needs to be processed and expelled out the body, or it can show up and have a negative impact. Trauma is a natural part of the world, and there is a natural way to work past it.
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Summary post:
As I reflect back on this session, I find that providing space is so important. Creating a space where the client feels safe and comfortable. There they can be present and feel… FEEL. Sometimes those feelings don’t feel good, but feeling them helps to address them and work with them. Sometimes words are not the best healers/ teachers, sometimes silence, listening and supporting are great healers. Everyone deals with trauma/ stress/ etc individually, no cookie cutter way.
As I write this, I envision a hammock hanging from a tree. It is supportive and breezy, it is flexible and allows one to go with the flow. It is supported by trees, great grounding. A canopy may be above, creating a “shelter”. Fresh air is all around, cleansing the body and the soul. The view… nature at its best- plants, birds, bugs, animals— non judgement.
