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Gestalt Discussion (May 2018)
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23 Replies
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Initial Post:
What steps did you take to establish the Coaching Relationship and focus the session?
My intention going into the session was to pay close attention to any parts that came forward with a voice, or any tensions between parts, and ask if my client would like to explore them. When my client and I met, she voiced that she was recently back from a trip, very tired and feeling a little out of it. Here is where the 50/50 rule, and Gestalt came in. Instead of jumping right into the session, I acknowledged her current state, met my client where she was at, and redirected. I asked if she would like to do a grounding visualization first to arrive in the space and into her body and to see what was most present that she’d like to work with. After the grounding exercise, what was most ripe to discuss had to do with communication within an important relationship. I wasn’t sure if I’d get to apply any partswork, but I wanted to stay with exactly what was up for my client and allow the session to unfold as it needed to.How did or could PartsWork fit into your nature-connected coaching session?
As my client discussed a challenging interaction with her partner, she mentioned a reaction she had to a hurtful comment that felt almost uncontrollable. My gut sensed this could be a part expressing, which it was, and a part that my client was familiar with. My client also expressed that she had a reaction to her reaction that was one of feeling shame to having responded that way. I had a suspicion this could be another part, and asked if it was. We identified this was probably another lesser known part. In Self, Soul, Spirit, Strachen writes, “Self comprises as complex set of subparts that form a gestalt. It can have many reactions to life situations during which one or another part voice a thought or take action, directing the individual proactively or reactively.” One of the goals my client identified was to increase her awareness during times of heightened nervous system activity and to have a tool to be able to step back and discern what her needs are in that moment and what reaction is appropriate for her — empowering her to move from reactivity to responding proactively. Since one of the well known parts revealed itself already, and a lesser known part reacted, I we decided to play with the dynamic of these parts keeping the goal in mind.How did or could you collaborate with Nature and combine PartsWork and Coaching principles?
I asked my client to choose objects found in nature that could represent each part and one for the soul. It feels important to have the client choose objects to represent parts simply to help the transition from one part to the other during the interview process. I also think it’s fascinating to see what objects the client chooses and how it relates to the part, sometimes without them even being aware of it. My client chose two dandelions in flower for each part, and placed in the middle a dandelion in seed for the soul. At the end of the session I pointed out how amazing it is that the soul in the middle was in full expression, fertile, ready to plant her seeds and sprout new growth, which we both laughed about as it was so perfect to where the session took us — her increasing trust in herself and being empowered to voice her needs (parts) allowing her true self (soul) to express. So beautiful that she chose that!What challenges did you face? How did you adapt? What flowed and how did you build off it?
One challenge I faced in the session was when my client tried to transition from the well known part to the lesser known part, I felt a hunch that it wasn’t actually the identified lesser known part speaking. I asked who I was speaking with now and my client wasn’t sure but had the awareness it wasn’t the original part. I flowed with it by relieving any pressure to have to name or identify this part, but asked my client to just stay with it. I began asking questions of this new part to help get into what it felt like, talked like, sounded like, etc. Through this process, my client realized this was a part very close to the soul that she had previously not been aware of, but that managed and maintained balance between all her parts. Through this process a name naturally arose for the new part, the Manager. It was so amazing too that my client then realized the Manager held the key to the discernment she was seeking. This part was the tool!What did you learn about yourself and nature-connected coaching?
Through this process, I’ve witnessed myself being more and more in the allowing state as the coach, meeting what arises in the moment and moving with the flow of the session. I’m learning to listen on a different level, to hear different voices and tones as the client speaks, and to be super curious about the different parts that may be a part of the conversation. I’m also learning that I am super empathetic and can feel into the personality of a part deeply, which is helping me identify with my client’s parts and intuitively ask them questions on a deeper level. This allows me to tap into the complexity of my client and her wants and needs as well.What ideas do you have for how you might use PartsWork and nature-connected coaching in the future with your client?
In the future, I am very curious to see how becoming aware of the Manager and identifying this part as a tool will shift the way my client responds to difficult situations. I can imagine finding a space in nature to set up a whole constellation of parts specifically invested and involved in the dynamics within the relationship my client spoke of. I could see finding objects in nature that represent all the parts involved in communication and reaction, finding an object for the soul, and also finding an object that represents the particular conversation with her partner, or her partner himself. I would be curious to see how the parts respond to speaking freely towards the object representing the difficult conversation, as well as how the Manager participates. Strachen writes, “By listening to their Self parts and Souls, clients learn what they specifically want for themselves and how they might make decisions and work towards achieving the wants and desires of their individual and collective parts.” I can imagine exploring in this way would work towards the goal of increased self awareness and ability to discern, as well as helping my client get a deeper understanding of her truth and a felt sense for expressing the needs of all her parts, thus giving her greater choice over herself.How does PartsWork effect or enhance your Coaching Presence and approach?
I think one way Partswork (and Gestalt) could increase my coaching presence is to show up with my humanness and disclose my parts to my client. In Self, Soul, Spirit, Strachen writes, “Since we as facilitators are part of the process, we share how we deal with our own mandalas… It is a way to walk alongside clients. The client gets to see that both of us, individually and together, work with the diversity of our own Self parts and Souls.” This would really help to deepen the trust between myself and my client.How does Nature-Connected Practices, and PartsWork interface?
I think they interface because our psyches actually exist in nature all around us and nature is continually reflecting back to us our inner landscapes. This means that our soul, as well as all our parts, are being reflected back to us in the outer landscape. Whatever is happening in the moment all around us is a direct reflection of what is happening inside on some level. Nature connected principles is a co-facilitator and collaborator for us as guides to be able to notice and name the multitude of our parts and complexity of our inner landscape. It is also a way for us to let go of judgements about our parts as being good or bad, as most of us do not judge the outer landscape as we judge ourselves.-
Mandy, it’s so awesome to read this and watch you taking this all the way! I really connected with the moment where you felt “unsure” or a little struggle, that her part wasn’t what you all expected it to be. And hearing that not only was settling and sitting with it (and using the interview tools) helpful in finding clarity on the part, it was actually the part that had the answer to her original goal/want!
The story I make from this is something like, just our intention naturally arises and brings out what is needed to meet that intention, even when we don’t know it’s happening! So to bring more allowing and trust to the moments after an intention (or want/need) has been established can be a fun and rewarding experience for us as coaches, and for our clients.
Keep rocking it Mandy, can’t wait to see you again in a few weeks-
Mandy, I really felt this statement you made “Through this process, I’ve witnessed myself being more and more in the allowing state as the coach, meeting what arises in the moment and moving with the flow of the session. I’m learning to listen on a different level, to hear different voices and tones as the client speaks, and to be super curious about the different parts that may be a part of the conversation. I’m also learning that I am super empathetic and can feel into the personality of a part deeply, which is helping me identify with my client’s parts and intuitively ask them questions on a deeper level. This allows me to tap into the complexity of my client and her wants and needs as well.” I got the same sense reading through your process. You are such a sensitive, receptive coach!
It is really valuable how you immediately tuned into where your client was at and guided her into a more grounded space right out of the gate! I have no doubt that resetting that baseline with her shifted the direction of where your session could have went had you not invited her to do that. Well done!
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Mandy, awesome to read how you’re able to find a sense of flow with the session, even when things look a bit confusing (like a client not knowing which part is speaking!). I’m getting such a sense of you following your powerful intuition from what you’ve written. You said, “Through this process, I’ve witnessed myself being more and more in the allowing state as the coach, meeting what arises in the moment and moving with the flow of the session. I’m learning to listen on a different level, to hear different voices and tones as the client speaks, and to be super curious about the different parts that may be a part of the conversation”. This feels so much like the deepest possible listening that we’ve talked about all throughout the intensives, and it’s so inspiring to see that you’re grasping on to that deeper awareness and are able to share that with clients! It seems to me that these cues from clients can be so incredibly quiet and subtle sometimes, so it takes such a tuned-in state of being from the coach to be open to these signs.
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Mandy,
I really like how you had your client pick objects that represented their parts. I agree, it is fascinating to see what they pick and their reasoning why. It sounds like it was a great way to get into “flow” during the session and let all the parts come out and unfold however it may. During the course of EBI I’ve really learned and enjoyed how nature finds a way to display itself. In my own partswork, it’s amazing how an object can so perfectly represent a part of myself, and it sounds like this was the case with your client too.
I think having clients project their parts onto nature is a wonderful way to use parts work. Nature will never steer them wrong, they will always find their parts out there somewhere!
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Initial post:
Background – i have this amazing practice client and friend, we’ve met several times outside at a park and she’s been working with the goal of bringing her soul’s vision into the world. I’ve loved getting to see how her story plays out over multiple sessions now, because what felt slow at first has all proven to be critical puzzle pieces for the unfolding. First session we discovered a few of the main parts like her critic, analyzer, and child who show up and impact her goal of letting soul run the show. Analyzer even sometimes wants to be the soul, which is a fun thing to playfully point out (and so much more obvious than I even expected it to be!)
next session we really felt the soul land in the middle, and saw a few shadow parts. this session we really began to use the park to demarkate her parts – most of them became trees and the shadow parts she didn’t want to see yet actually became the park bathroom, how fitting! One “part” seemed to be the voice of her husband, and was a big power source for her.
In between sessions she would return to the park and offer spontaneous ceremonies, appreciating these parts and more. Our third session was when all of this groundwork came together. All of the sudden, from the place of soul, she could see the “husband tree” as her own creative life force instead… and in an instant realized she had been hiding behind his power and leaking her own power toward him as a way of hiding from herself. this moment she discovered that she could be in relationship to him, without becoming him, without enmeshing her power with him – but by standing firm and loving in her own power!
Our experiment was lovely – she approached this power tree by meandering along the roots and I got to make a step with my hands to boost her up into the tree where she could feel her own clarity and power radiating. It was a simultaneously wonderful experiment for me because as I danced around the tree below her, celebrating her shining, I realized I was living out my own experiment of what I hope to do as a coach! not become anyone else’s power, but rather give them the one step up they need to stand in their radiance.
Each time, we’ve integrated these experiences into more of her next steps forward. she’s begun offering tarot readings and teaching community classes on mindfulness, and she’s trusting the PACE of her soul’s unfolding more and more. I’m looking forward to our next session in a few days, because it’ll be the first time we meet over the phone since I now live in Colorado again!
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Rachael,
I am inspired and impressed with your summary of your work with this client! It is great to hear about an experience where it took several sessions to lay ground work before really getting to a major epiphany experiment. I know I sometimes have sessions that aren’t the most show-stopping major transformational epiphany sessions, and I find myself feeling insecure or doubtful of my coaching abilities. But it is wonderful to be reminded that not every session is going to be like that, and that it is really necessary in some cases to slow build a foundation with a client in order to experience a transformational moment. I love that this moment was both rewarding for your client AND for you! I imagine the more we work closer and closer with our visions, the more this will happen — that the growth and healing that occurs for our clients simultaneously effects our own growth and healing. Beautiful!
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Rachel, “PACE” is what stuck out to me the most in your reading through the experience with your client. Laying solid groundwork for our clients is so vital! And I appreciate that you followed your clients pace because I know I sometimes have the habit of leading my client because I think I know where they are going. But even if I’m right about where they’re going, it doesn’t mean that they are ready to go there! And I think that’s a reflection of myself; how I get impatient with myself when I feel like I should be moving faster, or be somewhere I’m not. You showed up for her in the way she needed, not in the way you wanted, and that gave both of you space to be in your own power! Awesome!
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Rachel, what a joy it was to read about how you worked with this client, and how y’all had such a sweet crescendo threshold after laying that groundwork! It sounds like you both really put the time and energy into getting to see some of these parts from different angles, so that eventually, she could have this amazing moment of realizing the power she holds as an individual (apart from the Husband Tree). I loved where you said, “Our experiment was lovely – she approached this power tree by meandering along the roots and I got to make a step with my hands to boost her up into the tree where she could feel her own clarity and power radiating. It was a simultaneously wonderful experiment for me because as I danced around the tree below her, celebrating her shining, I realized I was living out my own experiment of what I hope to do as a coach! not become anyone else’s power, but rather give them the one step up they need to stand in their radiance”. Reading this, I’m struck by how well you seemed to blend the concepts of Gestalt (showing up fully in your personhood) with strong partswork; you got to celebrate her in a way that seemed so true to you, while she was able to be supported and go toward her power! Very heartwarming 🙂
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What steps did you take to establish the Coaching Relationship and focus the session?
I have a relatively close relationship with this client as it is (we lived together for a short time in a community house back East, and occupy some of the same social circles), and the session in question was the 4th of our hour and a half sessions thus far, so it felt like there was a pretty strong coaching relationship as a foundation. She is one of those clients that has a lot to say, and finds a lot of connections for what she’s feeling with other aspects of her life, so tangents are a thing in our sessions! However, I found that by creating a sacredness and asking her for a strong intention for the parts work threshold, she was able to come back to the focus and alignment of what her parts needed to communicate around a specific issue and the ways of being associated with it. I had her close her eyes and get really clear on the particular part coming to light. She sat with it for a while before we entered into a space of questioning and inquiry.
How did or could PartsWork fit into your nature-connected coaching session?
For this particular session, there wasn’t a lot of explicit nature-connection (except for the fact that my client was navigating through her own inner wilderness of experience and emotion). We have to have all of our sessions online because she lives in Oregon, so I’ve found that our nature-connected component has only so far come into play in between our sessions; she usually goes out on a wander with the questions and things we’ve talked about after a given session, and that has proven to be the best place for her to gain clarity and insights on her own. If we were in person, I imagine I would guide her to consider how the somatic experience of any of her given parts might correlate to an object in nature in the surrounding area at that moment. Even so, as we continue to work with her parts, I’m planning to invite her to bring her parts on a wander, and find some physical correlations with what she finds out there.
How did or could you collaborate with Nature and combine PartsWork and Coaching principles?
The experience for her was very somatic; she felt one of her most disliked and uncomfortable parts living in her solar plexus. With her committed and on-going yoga practice, she has been noticing how tension and pain show up there in correlation to the relationship issues she is having (confusion about how to deal with the anger of her partner because she is so repulsed by her own anger/anger in general). This came up a lot in our session, and when she came into her Virgo part (the angry part she wants very little to do with), she was very much feeling that physical discomfort. I invited her to stay with that, and to keep noticing what was happening with her own physical, internal “nature”. This was very eye-opening for her, because she was able to connect her physical nature with the emotional and cerebral sensations and thoughts she was having in a more intentional way.
What challenges did you face? How did you adapt?
Although this wasn’t the first time we had gone over what parts-work looks like, I still found it rather difficult to give what I thought was a fully clear picture of the practice. There were moments she would be a little confused, and I would have some difficulty in navigating how to explain something in a way that didn’t feel limited (because I find part-work to be such an expansive practice, though I know it is very helpful to start on a strong foundation!). I found myself sitting with the feeling that it may not be totally clear to her how we can best set up a situation where all pertinent parts can be heard in one session, but that that would come with more time and practice. There was a big part of me that had to let go to an attachment to “best practices” to some extent.
What flowed and how did you build off it?
Something that came up for her in a significant way was how one of her parts was taking up waaaaay too much energy and effectively draining other parts of the system. This was causing a major tension, specifically in her ability to make a decision about how to behave in a tender conflict with her partner. This realization slowly became clear to her when she began talking about things from the energy-hog part. We built off of it by getting really clear on the details: In what ways are you taking up too much space? What does that feel like to express that? Where does this show up in your body? What ideas do you have for creating more balance around this? Which parts can help you resource when you notice you’re dominating? The more we asked, the surer she expressed she felt that she could bring balance to this issue. It built up in such a clear and motivated way, and it was beautiful to witness.
What did you learn about yourself and nature-connected coaching?
It seems like I’m ever reminded of how this journey is that of my client’s, and that “my” ways of doing things feel more and more superfluous (and sometimes even detrimental). I noticed that the more I let her wildness go, and the less I asserted my own agenda, the more she was able to unfold and bloom. This is such a recurrent dynamic for me, and it’s really starting to become clear (with some clients more than others) that the less I hold on, the more my clients can open up to what is happening within them. I’m feeling like I’m morphing into a quiet and attentive tree in the woods who my clients can lean on, feel supported by, and be who they are without much obvious influence from me. “Less is more” feels right as I continue to practice.
How do the readings relate and interact with the face to face material and your work with your practice clients?
A lot of what I read in the Strachan piece rang true for so much of this session. I felt a lot of resonance with my client’s parts and the parts Mado describes as having. It was so uncanny that I actually sent her the PDF because I felt that it would give her some support, and she would just find it funny. The crux of her parts-work also harkened back to what Strachan writes about in the following: “One of Freud’s major contributions, along with determinism, was identifying the finite amount of energy available within the human system. At any given moment, some part will attempt to commandeer that energy and direct an action”. This was painfully obvious to my client, but she was so happy to have uncovered the dynamic.
What ideas do you have for how you might use PartsWork and nature-connected coaching in the future with your client?
Basically, Parts-work is my favorite, and if I have my way, I would like to invite all my clients to approach the approach I think the key for me is in helping my clients get really close to the parts that are arising, and then build the somatic and environmental connection to what we’re seeing. Obviously, I suspect that this will manifest differently with all my clients in various ways, but I know that having that optional structure to rely on is massively inspiring and potently transformational.
How does PartsWork effect or enhance your Coaching Presence and approach?
It allows me to make so much space for all the different and unique aspects of my clients, as well as hold respect for everything (and everyone) that comes up. It just brings such a deep level of empathy and understanding both to my clients from me, and to themselves. It feels like the ultimate practice of honoring what is while actively dissolving tension through allowance. Can you tell I like parts-work?
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Hannah,
I enjoyed reading about your experience of using partswork with your client. It sounds like you had great awareness of the coaching role you were playing as you stated “I’m feeling like I’m morphing into a quiet and attentive tree in the woods who my clients can lean on, feel supported by, and be who they are without much obvious influence from me.”
I really like that quote! I have also noticed myself struggle with wanting to “do more” or trying to influence what happens. After reading this, I agree with you in that the more I let go as a coach, the more the client opens up and the more powerful a session becomes. It goes back to just letting the client be in control – wherever that takes us. Thanks!
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Hannah, loved this statement ” I’m feeling like I’m morphing into a quiet and attentive tree in the woods who my clients can lean on, feel supported by, and be who they are without much obvious influence from me. “Less is more” feels right as I continue to practice.” What a great image/metaphor to be with! I’ve witnessed this transformation in you as a coach throughout the intensives too. And I feel like you’ve become much clearer in who you are as a coach…a kick-ass coach! 🙂
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To summarize, I’m seeing the concept of partswork as such a profoundly complex and rich tool from the perspectives of myself, Mandy, and Rachel. It was interesting to me how we all had relatively similar notes of figuring out how to best elevate our clients to places where they could be empowered to find their own answers, and finding out how to best intuitively guide from our own personal soul-spaces. Allowing the process also feels like a common undercurrent in much of the above writing. It’s cool to see that we’re all working with the “same” concept, but it is manifesting in all sorts of different ways! Much like our coaching styles can help achieve transformation for our clients, and will probably all take different paths to get there.
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Partswork
Initial Post
7/29/18How did or could PartsWork fit into your nature-connected coaching session?
What I really like about parts work is the power and the simplicity. It’s not overly complicated to explain parts and work with someone to help understand their parts. Being that most of our staff has had some experience with Partswork and mandalas, it makes it a bit easier as it’s a familiar topic. During a coaching session with a staff member, I recall a conversation we had which showed me the power of Partswork in an organization. We were discussing the week I had in this intensive, and she noticed my mandala parts on my file cabinet (I keep my magnetic parts on it) and said “You know, I see your ‘driver’ part out a lot and sometimes it drives me crazy!”. I laughed and asked her to explain. She went on to elaborate and explained that when this part of me comes out in full force, it causes her to freeze up and “shut down” in the moment. We discussed situations when I would ask her for a document or date or other type of question were I was looking for the answer right away, and how she would be frozen and unable to produce the answer. I would get frustrated with this thinking it was simple request, yet she wanted time to process the request because of the “perfectionist” part she has. In the moment when I’m standing in front of her, she can’t produce the answer even if she knows it because this perfectionist part wants to be right and not give a quick answer just to get me off her back. So, out of this interaction I learned that with this particular individual, I need to make my request of whatever it might be and “go away” for awhile so she could look into it. I can’t expect an answer right way (even if I want it).
In any other organization, how might I have learned that information? I would have continued to operate the way I did, thinking it’s “easy” and not understanding why she can’t produce the answer. Meanwhile, the perfectionist part in her want to double check and verify before she answers me. This could have continued for months or year until one of us get sick of the other and she either quits or I replaced her. Imagine how sad that would have been. As Roger Strachan explains, “There is no blame, no right or wrong. Each person is responsible for his or her own feelings. Strachan also quotes Carl Rogers by saying “Facts are friendly and feelings are real.” I like this, because to me is speaks to who’s “right” and who’s “wrong”? The answer is nobody – it’s just how our parts interact.
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Nick,
So cool that you got to experience a “real time application” of parts works so directly with your coworker.
I love that, given the framework, you were both willing to be vulnerable about what was truly going on and find a new way to relate in more productive ways. I’m curious how that relationship has been going since this conversation, and if you’ve had a chance to bring the framework into your company more officially at all as a teaching tool.
Although I already try to avoid “always’s and nevers”, I find myself ever increasingly identifying that “a part of me” feels a certain way, not the whole thing. it’s been giving me space to elicit other parts more intentionally, which has been helpful personally and with clients.
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Nick,
What a great illustration of how parts of people show up in response to the parts of others, and how some parts can “run the show”. I also love how this narrates how it can often be people’s parts that are in relationship to others, not the whole self. It’s amazing that you have a work environment that allows the space for that level of self-awareness.
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Partswork
7/31/18
Summary PostI found it great to hear how everyone was weaving partswork into their coaching sessions. Each person had a unique way of doing so, but also faced similar challenges. I really like the process Mandy used of having their client find objects that best represented their parts, as each object can spin into an entire conversation about why is best represents a certain part. It’s such a good way to engage the client and get them thinking deeply about their parts. Also as Hannah eluded to, everyone seems to be finding their groove in using parts work and trusting the process. I found myself at a simliar crossroads where I probably wanted to force the work into happening before it was naturally ready to. Our job as coaches is to help someone see something they might not have otherwise, but we need to remember that it can only go at the pace in which the client is ready. Often times I’ve found is is “slower” than would be my natural pace, but thats OK.
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Summary:
I am starting to see Gestalt and parts work as in some ways, two sides of a coin. if every level of our psyches, relationships, and cultures are “wholes” made up of “parts”, then gestalt is a tuning into the wholes and partswork is the tuning into the parts. it’s like an up-down approach and a down-up approach to the same principle of wholeness. it’s almost like tuning into different lenses of focus, or zooming into different sizes of the issue or question we’re working on, and I see how they are so supportive of each other! Very excited
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Never too late for a Partswork post, right!?! Finally…
I have been discussing partswork with one of my practice clients for several months now and she seemed interested to learn more. We have also briefly used partswork in our sessions without going more in-depth. I shared the Self, Soul, Spirit writing by Roger Strachan to help her tie up any loose ends of clarity about what partswork is. She was eager to create her own mandala and shared it with me during this session.
She had little apprehension about her parts and felt like her mandala is complete for now. I honored her mandala and we shared how both of us have similar names/representation for our parts. I could sense a shift in energy when she described a few parts that she deemed “not my favorite part.” I reminded her that our parts are just parts; they are not inherently good or bad, and all parts have a light side and a shadow side. Her energy shifted again as I shared this with her; a sigh of relief was breathed, and she stated how valuable it is to know that.
To keep the energy up, and to help support the space with her as she begins this new journey with her parts, I asked her which parts feel closest to her soul. She shared that her “mother” part seemed to jump off the page of her mandala. I asked what her mother part brings to the system and she shared that as far back as she could remember she has always wanted to be a mother. She shared stories of how she was always the nurturer in her family; taking care of her dolls, pets, and siblings. However, now that she finally has young children of her own she shared that she sometimes has doubts her mothering ability. She admitted that she sometimes daydreams about what it would be like to not have kids and that way she wouldn’t feel like she was disappointing anyone.
This was a very quick change in posture and signaled that there is a lot going on with her mother part, and I reflected that back to her. I asked if she wanted to go deeper into this part or if she needs more space. She stated that she was surprised by how much of a shift there was from being excited about being a mom to doubting herself. Because of this surprise she stated that she was curious to go deeper and I honored her courage for entering unknown territory. I asked her if there were any parts that she thought could help her go deeper and be a supportive resource during the journey of this session. She decided to bring her “seeker” along for the time being to help her track where the tension is within her “mother” part.
She eventually discovered that there was unresolved neglect from her own mother when she was young. Her grandmother was more influential in raising her while her mother worked a lot and to provide for the family after her parents divorced. As an adult she came to understand that her mother was just doing what needed to be done and any neglect she felt as a child was due in part to her mother just being tired and stressed often.
She was able to speak from her “child” part to her “mother” part and offer the kind of forgiveness that she had previously felt she gave to her real mother, but realized now that she had still held some resentment toward her. That resentment was reflected within her “mother” part too. She sees how she’s a good mom and how much of her nurturing demeanor comes from her grandmother. However, she also realized just how much of the workhorse mentality she gleaned from her real mother and how she can sometimes focus too much on doing for her kids that she forgets about genuinely being with them.
I asked her whom within her knows how to BE and she immediately answered “Soul knows how to BE…Soul IS being.” I had her speak to her mother and child parts from the soul and the words she expressed changed her whole energetic presence. I reflected to her how at peace and ease I felt within myself when she let Soul speak. She smiled with tears in her eyes and said “I miss my mom, but I know she lives in me and wants this energy to be shared with the children.”
I asked her if she wanted to take a step outside and see what image/symbol she could envision that would support her new insight into who she is as a soul-led mother. She found an empty nest in a tree nearby and shared how intricate the nest is woven, all by a tiny creature who just knows what to do AND how to be while doing it…a bird knows how to be a bird and she knows how to be a mother. She also stated that the emptiness of the nest provided meaning as well; that to make room for new life, the nest has to be emptied. She said this session helped her to empty some things out and make room for the new. Really beautiful sentiment.
This session really seemed to flow even though there were definitely some hard things my client had to work through. She has a lot of self-awareness and it showed in this session. I think it flowed so well because she was willing and open to do some hard work; not only for herself but for her kids. She wanted to break the cycle of discord she sees in her family line. It was an inspirational session to be a part of. She intuitively led a lot of the session even though this was basically her first parts work session. She recognized right away how powerful a tool partswork is and wants to continue with it.
This session affirmed my level of trust. I went into the session trusting, I reflected that to my client, she reflected it back to me, and as we worked through the process, we both gained further trust in partswork!
It was interesting to see how genetics within partswork came into play for my client, especially what she said at the end about knowing her mother is within her and realizing how much of her “mother” part really is from her mother AND grandmother. But because she still subconsciously held things against her mom, it’s like certain parts of her brain weren’t effectively communicating with one another. It was like seeing the difference between caring for a child, and care OF a child. The former being more like a combination of primitive brain survival and higher brain functioning organization. But because of her neglect sparked trauma tucked away in the middle of her brain, she wasn’t fully able to connect her higher functioning to her heart space. “Caring for” her children became her primary goal to compensate for her own mother’s lack of being there for her. Essentially, she began doing the same thing her mother did, only in a different way…they both neglected to be present in their children’s lives.-
Never too late. I’m posting mine now lol.
I love how well this illustrates the power of partswork, Kent. It sounds like your facilitation and ability to be open to the process really allowed your client to discover some deep internal processes that weren’t apparent before!
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In summary, I enjoyed the initial learning our what partswork is and how it operates, but I don’t think it really landed for me until I actually coached someone using partswork. Perhaps I initially didn’t quite understand what Gestalt really is and how partswork tied into it. But now I see that Gestalt is that which incompasses all the parts, but is also larger than them…just like the Soul. Gestalt is like the point of parts convergence, though coach or client may not even be aware of what parts are converging. I think of partswork like a map, but gestalt is the compass.
One of the most influential things I’ve learned from partswork is that my parts are my parts; they’re not good or bad…they just are. I was born with them and will probably die with them. And more so that I have the choice in how my parts operate so that they don’t operate me! Most people live out their lives not understanding how they function or fighting against themselves. They say “I don’t want to end up like my mother/father, but do because they have no understanding/awareness that they really do have a say in the matter. Not so that they don’t end up like a parent, but that they end up as their authentic selves with their “parent parts” healed.
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Initial Post
The last PartsWork session I facilitated that comes to mind is one I did with a client at work. At Legacy. If a client is not showing up for the emotional work in the program and needs additional support, they are removed from their group and put on “quest” – sent out to the field to work one-on-one with a guide. I was asked by a client’s therapist to quest him before he had his scheduled “family workshop”. Family workshop usually happens around 8-10 weeks into the program. The client’s family comes out to the treatment center for two full days of educational groups, time with their loved one in the program, and group therapy sessions.
This particular client was objectively unprepared to have a productive and meaningful family workshop. He was unable to look at himself as the root of any of his troubles, always looking at the outside world to place blame. He saw his parents and therapist as obstacles in getting what he wanted and was participating at a minimum in the program to just get through the 3 months. I was asked to take him on quest to see if I could shift some energy and get him prepared for his family workshop.
I watched as he switched from part to part throughout the first few days out together backpacking through canyons. His mood was all over the place and he would end up on a daily basis entirely dysregulated and hypo-activated, shutting down to the point of suicidal ideation. A few days into our week, I told him how I related to his experience, and how PartsWork was a powerful tool that I’ve used to help sort myself out. I opened up my portable mandala and explained how it works, demonstrating some of the internal conflict I’ve navigated within my own Self.
His interest peaked tremendously and he almost begged to map out his own mandala. Since it was just the two of us alone in the wilderness, we were able to spend hours mapping his parts and having a thorough interview of each part. The interview process alone was enlightening for him, and for me to understand how deeply rooted his need for validation ran. In the interview process, we discovered that many of his parts learned to operate with the sole purpose of seeking external validation. Whether it was his jokester putting other people down, or narcissist disregarding whatever others say, many of his parts learned unhealthy ways of finding validation in response to his parents attempting to correct his behavior by steering him in a direction that was not who he was.
The work continued and we had a conversation between his adult, observer, narcissist, and critic. The conversation began with the intention to figure out how he wanted to show up for his family workshop. In the process, we discovered even more – how his critic judged how his other parts sought validation and triggered an overwhelming feeling of shame that resulted in dissociation. In the process, he used trees to represent each part in the conversation. One curious part was that in the conversation both his critic and narcissist agreed to stay out of family workshop, but only to stay away during the workshop. They would not agree to change their ways any other time.
What happened was astounding. The moment family workshop ended his narcissist and critic got to have the final say. Regardless of the fact that he and his parents opened up a level of communication and vulnerability they had never had before, he walked away from family workshop dissociated and enraged and the fact that he didn’t get what he wanted. He wanted to go home after the program before his 6-month aftercare program (something that all professionals warn against). He was again seeing his parents as obstacles and not the people he just connected deeply with, and his critic made him feel shame for not achieving the goal in the external world that his narcissist set as the only thing that could happen for him to feel validation.
Afterwards, we processed what happened and he realized the parts that came out, what they told him, how it was the same pattern they’ve played out most of his life, and that he had actually had great success and progress in the family therapy session we had. For the first time in the 9 weeks he was in the program, and likely the first time in many years, he had a tool that allowed him to take a step back, practice self-awareness, and begin to take ownership back into his life and make informed choices.
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Summary Post
PartsWork has been the most impactful module on my life and my guiding thus far. I’ve grown tremendously as a person by using my mandala to understand the nature of my own suffering, and by using the tool of internal dialogue to self-design and initiate new ways of being. What is remarkable is how effective partswork has been with clients, and simply how much clients resonate with the partswork model. Working with a demographic of highly dysregulated addicts who have little self-awareness, being able to help them simply map their parts offers them a massive amount of self-awareness never experienced before. I’ve introduced partswork to a handful of clients, and it has given every one of them the ability to differentiate from the voices in their heads for the first time ever.