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Partswork Discussion (June 2018)
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28 Replies
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Initial post:
I got to meet with my favorite practice client last week. She’s outstanding to me because somehow we always seem to find ourselves in the territory of whatever toolbox module is coming LATER. Aka last month we had a big parts work session. This week (while we did use some gestalt) I ended up spending some time more in teacher mode than coach mode explaining to her about trauma and the brain and the body, letting her know that since she is interested in creating healthy relationships again yet her past has relational trauma, that one thing we will want to do is establish clear resources and plans to utilize so we can titrate anytime that trauma starts to arise.
Anyways our previous session feels more relevant to this partswork/gestalt conversation, so I’m going to answer the questions about that one:
What steps did you take to establish the Coaching Relationship and focus the session?
Before I even got on the phone with her I sat, centered, and listened. I was called to drum and sing a song with words specifically about relationships, and to draw a spiral in the sand. When we talked for the first time, I felt into her energy and shared with her that’s what my intuition had shown me. Since she very much resonated with those things, it formed a strong bond of trust quickly because she knew I was listening deeply beyond her words to the larger organism guiding us toward healing.How did or could Gestalt fit into your nature-connected coaching session?
So many times we dropped back right into the body. I’d notice whatever I noticed. That her voice changed when she talked about this or that, that a bird flew by every time she said that word, etc. we used the present moment to reflect the stories that were being told and healed.How did or could you collaborate with Nature and combine Gestalt and Coaching principles?
I find that walking or moving in nature helps me stay grounded and present so I use that a lot even when I’m on the phone. Her’s was such a case. I spun a stick or drew spirals with it the entire time. It felt helpful for keeping us in the gestalt.What challenges did you face? How did you adapt?
There were many moments when I felt her deflections kick in, mostly through avoidance by storytelling, or overloading herself to overwhelm. I would calmly name them, discover if they were familiar, and use whatever arose in her body’s response to guide us back to present moment.What flowed and how did you build off it?
Her parts just naturally started coming out, naming themselves, and speaking to each other! I wasn’t planning or trying to do parts work at all but hell here we were and it was happening quite beautifully.What did you learn about yourself and nature-connected coaching?
I just love this. I love trusting the unknown and in this container of coaching and healing I am finding more and more confidence in it. which is also permeating my whole life, which I love.How do the readings relate and interact with the face to face material and your work with your practice clients?
Eh honestly I’m underwhelmed by the readings which is why I have fallen behind on them. But that also is familiar because I’d almost always rather be doing threshold work than building the foundation needed to be there sustainably and successfully. It seems to me that Coyote’s guide has wonderful frameworks and metaphors though written with children in mind, and Coaching skills has basic skills needed to help business type people who haven’t done quite as much self work yet. I guess I feel like my clients are neither of those, so I don’t feel strongly like I’ve connected the readings to my real life sessions. I have however undoubtedly connected our in person intensives to sessions! I’m learning a lot there.What ideas do you have for how you might use Gestalt and nature-connected coaching in the future with your client?
I’m going to keep being present, staying aware, bringing in more “yes-and” to the noticing.How does Nature-Connected Practices, and Gestalt Therapy interface?
It feels like the same thing to me, whether I’m noticing that two cats start fighting in the background or whether I notice her body language and voice change when she talks about competing dilemmas, in either case I can name it and we can discover together that we’re officially dealing with parts in conflict. So whatever awareness I do have, I can trust it. Because the same present moment pattern is playing out everywhere, just waiting to be noticed.-
Rachel, the dance of your life is in, and beyond, your physical movement. Your fluidity and ability to dance freely and take risks permeates through, and into, your coaching. By your description of your session I can see you dancing with your client; moving with them, yet also guiding the next step to help keep them in rhythm. I greatly respect your intention and approach with your client; taking the time to ground yourself through the drum and song. I so appreciate how you are able to balance a sense of “getting to business” type serious nature to coaching, while maintaining a lightness throughout the process. I think that is a part of your power; like “we’re not gonna mess around, yet we’re going to enjoy this journey together.” And I adore this statement you made as it also rings so true for myself!…”I just love this. I love trusting the unknown and in this container of coaching and healing I am finding more and more confidence in it. which is also permeating my whole life, which I love.” I think I’ve said it before, but your love for the unknown was something I touched on during the last intensive, and when I named that for myself I felt like I really took up my own power in that moment.
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Rachel, so awesome to read about your session and notice the fluidity there! I can really sense from your writing that you were there to, first and foremost, hold the container for your client to move around as she saw fit, but really kept her accountable to herself (and the showed no fear to name her expression of self-imposed limits). I think this was most clear to me when you wrote, “There were many moments when I felt her deflections kick in, mostly through avoidance by storytelling, or overloading herself to overwhelm. I would calmly name them, discover if they were familiar, and use whatever arose in her body’s response to guide us back to present moment”. I agree with the sentiment that Kent shared; you seem to be striking a crucial balance between allowing what is, and guiding toward the focus of what can be.
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Rachel,
What Hannah pointed out in your writing also stood out to me. I admire your ability to track, look at the bigger picture, stay present and keep clients there, and ultimately guide everything back to the deeper core.
And also responding to what Mandy resonated with – this module seemed to have solidified our ability to detect consistencies in how clients operate and their lens of themselves and the world and reflect what we see to unearth the depth of our clients’ inner narrative.
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Rachael, how cool that you just naturally moved into parts work without even trying in this session of yours! I love that you dropped in and started the gestalt state even before the session just listening to what was calling you in the moment, and that that resonated for your client. I also really resonate with the last part of your post, where you write that Gestalt and NCC “feels like the same thing to me, whether I’m noticing that two cats start fighting in the background or whether I notice her body language and voice change when she talks about competing dilemmas, in either case I can name it and we can discover together that we’re officially dealing with parts in conflict. So whatever awareness I do have, I can trust it. Because the same present moment pattern is playing out everywhere, just waiting to be noticed.” Especially agree that the same present moment pattern seems to be playing out everywhere around us, just waiting to be noticed!
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Hey all! Just wanted to let you all know I am doing the posts for this module a little backwards. The session I had this past week with my practice client was parts work related, so I will post about that first and plan to focus on Gestalt next week in my sessions.
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My client has been like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly over the last year or so. She has approached me several times in the past simply thanking me for being me because it encouraged her to seek out who she really is. The past 6 months or so have really taken a turn for her in ways neither of us saw coming. First, she believes that she had a deep, kindred soul connection with a man other than her husband and it really frightened her. She was terribly distraught with feelings of guilt and shame for having such intense feelings toward this individual; feelings she does not have toward her husband.
This incident created a catalyst for the events that are unfolding now as she is in the midst of pursuing a divorce; not because of the relationship with the other man, but because she never really knew herself. And it was that unknown self that made the decision a long time ago, to marry her highschool sweetheart. Now, as she describes what she calls “signs from the universe,” she sounds like a different person; an alive person who doesn’t want to live a false life anymore.
Since I’ve known her she has been very gentle, quiet, and sweet, but now it is like she is on fire! I love seeing the light in her eyes and hearing the roar in her voice, but there is a sense of sorrow at the same time. Sorrow because a family is becoming undone, seemingly out of the blue. Few people besides myself hold the confidentiality of this situation, and so the rumor of divorce is very surprising to the couples family and friends.
The choice she is making to leave her husband has understandably been difficult. She doesn’t want to leave him, or their children, broken. At the same time she believes it is the right thing for her to do and she cannot tone down what her soul has been saying. She struggles a bit to determine what she would like coaching on for this session…there is just so much going on.
Sensing a lot of confusion within her, I tell her it’s okay that she doesn’t know yet and that I want to celebrate this new fire she feels in her soul. Conversation goes back and forth from her head to her heart so I ask her to be still for a moment, take a few deep breaths and focus on what sensations she is feeling in her body in the moment. She describes a sensation of having almost a light, tingling sensation all over her body. I ask her to continue to feel that and see what happens. She describes and increase in the sensation and reports that she “feels like I’m on fire or something.” She describes a feeling of having rapidly increased energy, almost to a point of euphoria. I reflect her words, emotions, and I tell her I can see her energy rise up like a Phoenix. I celebrate with her, this new found passion and fire that has always been within her!
I sense in this state of euphoria that she is beginning to transcend the moment so I ask her if she is willing to spend a moment sensing what is around her; her feet on the floor, body in the chair, hands on her lap, sounds in the room, etc. I told her I felt honored to witness such a powerful experience and be a part of this celebration of rediscovery!
In the past her and I have discussed “peak experiences” and through some deep questioning she recognized how she will often desire, and depend on, those experiences to get her through her current struggle(s). I acknowledged that it is perfectly normal to desire those experiences and that they often provide powerful catalysts to the next stages of awareness. I begin a line of questioning in relation to how these powerful experiences and “signs from the universe” came about. My effort is to help her discover which beliefs she is holding on to and which she is letting go. She begins to describe several “signs” from what she gives various names to, i.e. “Universe, God, Creator, Mystery.” From her past I know that she tended to Protestant Christianity, though religion is something she has been questioning a lot. I get the sense that in her descriptions of these signs and experiences there is very much an element of predetermined destiny and possible self-deception; that a force is giving her all of these signs and making her feel that she should divorce her husband. I question further to help her determine whether the decisions she is making, or wants to make, are coming from within the soul or from a belief that there is a force orchestrating her choices. I shared some of my own experiences of the times I would go around looking for a “sign” and would even make them up because I was so desperate for an answer. My experience resonated with her and she admitted that she has waited for another sign rather than making her own choice. This leads her back to talking about the very real possibility of divorce.
The word divorce landed very hard. Her demeanor changes; her eyes and head lower and confusion sets in once again. “I don’t know, I don’t know” she repeats. I can see when she’s speaking from her heart and when she’s speaking from her head, and she’s going around and around. I ask her to pause and sense what divorce is like in her body. She describes a tightness in her throat and chest. I ask “what choice do you want to make right now?” She paused and said, “I need to wait.” I asked her how that choice felt and she said she felt “at ease.” There was no tightness or tension in her throat or chest, however, she then went back into her head and I stopped her and asked if she was aware of what just happened. She seemed slightly puzzled so I reflected what I saw happen; that when she said she need to wait, there was a sense of ease that I could also see on her face and in her demeanor, but as soon as she began talking into the future that ease left and was replaced with more head talk and “I don’t know.” She immediately knew that was the case and even seemed excited about becoming more aware of how claiming her choices makes her feel at ease versus thinking about all the possibilities, and worrying about everyone else’s feelings, which causes sensations of anxiety in her body.
At this point we had reached the hour mark and so I asked her what she was going to do with her desire to “wait.” I asked her how she needed to BE to wait and suggested that she take some time to wander in nature and allow nature to help her during this period of the unknown. I shared some tools with her for ways she can keep grounded and open her awareness. She connected with a tree trunk and talked about how the tree’s roots were like her past and that it’s painful to dig up those roots. The branches of the tree she described as the future; that at the same time it’s beautiful but also causes some anxiety because she can’t see all the way up. The trunk holds these two states of mind together and she felt easy and comforted seeing herself as the trunk. I encouraged her to open up all of her senses to the trunk; she touched it, and pointed out all the intricacies she could feel and see. She smelled it and put her ear to it. Finally she wrapped her arms around it and shed some tears…”I need to be this tree trunk right now and I feel strong. Whatever the wind blows I know I can handle it and my strength comes from my freedom and power to choose.”-
Wow, Kent! I’m really struck by your ability to see and sense in your client when she is speaking from the head and when from the heart. I got the image of you as a master tracker, tracking her energy moving from one place to another. Sounds like you were able to bring some awareness to that for her that will hopefully be the beginning of more and more awareness for her. I really loved how you incorporated the body into your awareness with her as a way to come into the here and now: “Conversation goes back and forth from her head to her heart so I ask her to be still for a moment, take a few deep breaths and focus on what sensations she is feeling in her body in the moment.” Nice!!
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Kent, what a joy it was to read about your experience with your client! I totally echo Mandy’s sentiment about your super keen observation skills or tracking right where your client is at. I was really impressed by how you not only seemed to be right there with her in all that was coming up around this very painful topic, but you also seemed to be acutely aware of the waves of energy that arose at different points. You wrote, “I sense in this state of euphoria that she is beginning to transcend the moment so I ask her if she is willing to spend a moment sensing what is around her; her feet on the floor, body in the chair, hands on her lap, sounds in the room, etc”; so cool that you could sense these energetic shifts so quickly, and respond to her in a way that kept the energy up by asking her to go into her body more! Awesome.
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Kent,
This is a great share, thank you. From reading this I can see you held a great coaching presence through a heavy conversation. You were able to let the conversation happen and through it she felt safe and even “on fire”. What a gift to transform someone battling a tough situation and them walking away feeling great and on fire.
I like how you started the session asking what she feels when she otherwise wasn’t sure what to talk about. This sounds like a great way to get going and “break the ice” for sessions where a client isn’t sure what to talk about. That feeling will always lead to something deeper to discuss.
Thanks!
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Awesome, Kent! I loved reading that post. It seems like you integrated this module really well. Your ability to reflect and bring awareness to your client, to track her experience, and to keep everything rooted in her deep inner-knowing is remarkable. I also love how detailed and well animated your story of that session is.
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Initial Post:
What steps did you take to establish the Coaching Relationship and focus the session?
I had the intention going into the session that I wanted to practice some of the things we learned with Gestalt. I wanted to be super aware of the here and now with my client, paying particular attention to body language and any emotions arising during the dialogue. I also set an intention for myself to be open to moving wherever the “gestalt” moved and to let go of any expectations I had as far as outcome for the session. This was an observed practice session and I let the mentor know I wanted to practice Gestalt as well, and asked for his guidance if he saw areas to help.How did or could Gestalt fit into your nature-connected coaching session? How did or could you collaborate with Nature and combine Gestalt and Coaching principles?
Nature was the perfect collaborator for a Gestalt based session! My client was working with the challenge of expressing frustration and anger within a difficult work dynamic. Once we got clear on the issue and the want, I suggested we try out an experiment where we imagined a bush being the leadership team my client was having issue with. My client had a difficult time feeling her anger was valid and expressing it was very challenging, so working with something neutral like a bush removed some of the pressure of being face to face with me while trying to express. My client was able to pick out branches of the tree that represented different people within the leadership team and slowly voice her feelings to them. Over the course of our session, her energy moved from doubtful and hesitant, to being aligned and speaking her truth from a deep place. By the end, my client said she now felt like the bigger tree, at which we suggested she see what it felt like to stand by the big tree nearby facing the small bush. This is where I think the experiment began the incorporation phase and the embodied state of confident expression my client reached began to sink in. I think I combined coaching principles with Gestalt by spending a little more time in severance getting clear about what my client wanted before moving into the experiment. In addition, we wrapped up the session by talking about how my client could remember the embodied assertiveness she arrived at towards the end, incorporating a mantra for my client to write down. It’s as if the Gestalt drove the process of the session, but it was held in by the bookends of coaching principles.What challenges did you face? How did you adapt?
One of the challenges I faced was during the first half of the session. I was a little timid to really step into the Gestalt therapy type shoes and was still approaching the session in a traditional coaching way — a completely client led way. When I asked my client if she had any ideas of how she’d like to play with the identified want/need, she did not. I scrambled a little offering up a couple ideas that my client said she felt unsure about trying. I had to turn a corner in my approach and move from gently making a few suggestions, to energizing myself and the client and saying “I’ve got an idea! Would you be willing to try something out with me?” I think this shifted the dynamic and energy of the entire session in a way where we were now in greater contact and fully in experiment together.What flowed and how did you build off it?
The part that flowed for me was in using statements rather than questions during the experiment. I felt that I was able to empathize deeply with my client, putting myself in her shoes and offering up statements that resonated with me from that place to see if they resonated with her. It definitely kept her in the embodied experiment without having to come out into her head to analyze a question I asked. It seemed that some of the statements that really resonated for her helped her go deeper into her own awareness. This was a point that Derek made during the face to face, and is further emphasized in the reading, In Gestalt Therapy: An Introduction. Yontef writes, “The Gestalt therapist is encouraged to make I statements. Such statements facilitate both the therapeutic contact and the patient’s focusing.”What did you learn about yourself and nature-connected coaching?
The thing that sticks out to me is that moment when we transitioned from talking about the issue and wavering around how to play with it, into me taking some leadership and bringing up the energy and asking my client to dive in with me. I learned that the sessions, while still client led, truly are a collaboration between client and myself and I can effect the energy, the contact, and the psych with my client based on how timid/unsure/hesitant I am versus how curious/impassioned/energized I am. It felt like I was stepping from the role of nervous new coach into the part of me that is a guide and to just showing up with my humanness. I felt for the first time in this setting a real leadership coming from me, which I think I will use when I step into the role of facilitator with the guiding and rites of passage work I’d like to do.What ideas do you have for how you might use Gestalt and nature-connected coaching in the future with your client?
I feel like Gestalt is something I want to incorporate as a sort of baseline in all my work. It feels like it incorporates present moment awareness with somatic awareness and embodiment and incorporates the “do it now” experiment/threshold experience. It makes so much sense to me that it is in this manner, during the experiment/threshold that real change actually occurs — not in just talking about it or theoretically understanding why we are the way we are. In Gestalt Therapy: An Introduction, Yontef writes, “Gestalt therapy emphasizes that whatever exists is here and now and that the experience is more reliable than interpretation. The patient is taught the difference between talking about what occurred 5 minutes ago and experiencing what is now.”How does Gestalt Therapy effect or enhance your Coaching Presence and approach?
I think it brings my awareness of contact to a new level, as well as the depth of my listening. With contact, I am aware at all times of not only my energetic contact with my client, but also how my body language is compared to my client’s and how the tone of my voice is in relation to the tone of my client’s voice as well. And listening then just goes so much deeper, listening for minute changes in tone, subtle shifts in posture or position, arcs of energy, etc. I feel like Gestalt is ideally approached from a super-attunement state, which is my goal.-
Mandy, it sounds like you weaved in Gestalt really effectively with your coaching! I especially liked this statement and shouted “YES!” in my head after I read it…”It felt like I was stepping from the role of nervous new coach into the part of me that is a guide and to just showing up with my humanness. I felt for the first time in this setting a real leadership coming from me, which I think I will use when I step into the role of facilitator with the guiding and rites of passage work I’d like to do.” I love it when something “clicks” as it seems like what happened for you, and did so just by being your human self 🙂
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yesss Mandy!
This part felt like gestalt experiment/work on so many levels:
My client was able to pick out branches of the tree that represented different people within the leadership team and slowly voice her feelings to them. Over the course of our session, her energy moved from doubtful and hesitant, to being aligned and speaking her truth from a deep place.And I am so thrilled to hear how you are letting yourself be more “human” in it all. You are such a natural healer and coach, I imagine that simply being who you are already is a strong intuitive and healing presence for many, that these tools are wonderful additions, but that you don’t have to become someone else to be a wonderful coach – YOU already are!
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Mandy, this session was amazing to observe, and I’m loving reading your perspective on it! Much of what it seems like was going on for you was visible to me at the time, too. The following statement really summed up what I observed: “I had to turn a corner in my approach and move from gently making a few suggestions, to energizing myself and the client and saying “I’ve got an idea! Would you be willing to try something out with me?” I think this shifted the dynamic and energy of the entire session in a way where we were now in greater contact and fully in experiment together”. As I think I told you in person, there was a definitive shift that I saw where you totally went from an observer (totally not a bad position! Sometimes clients may need someone to just unload to) to an active participant and co-guide. Very empowering and inspiring to see 🙂
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said, “The part that flowed for me was in using statements rather than questions during the experiment”. As we saw from Derek’s strategy. this totally creates a bond and deep empathy between coach and client. Kudos!
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Hi Mandy,
I like how you intentionally set out wanting to incorporate Gestalt into your coaching practice. I had a similar experience where its like…”How do you Gestalt?” After reading your post you just seemed to create the space and let it happen, which I think is the key. For me, it’s hard to plan a time to “Gestalt” with a client, and by just creating a safe space whatever comes out of the session will come out. You said it well by just letting your “humanness” come out as a guide. I also enjoyed hearing how you took charge and came up with an idea to use with your client. I think there is a balance between letting the client control a session and keeping the session progressing towards a plan, and you handled it well. Thanks!
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-What steps did you take to establish the Coaching Relationship and focus the session?
This client whom I met with last week has been someone I’ve been relatively close to for the past year and a half. She is someone I’ve lived with, we share similar social circles, and we’ve both seen one another in a lot of life shit! As a healer and body-worker, she is no stranger to the many avenues of growth and development available to us (especially here in Boulder), and so making the transition from friend to coach/client was pretty seamless, and easier than I imagine it would have been with some of my other friends. She is also already very familiar with parts-work, although I suspect a slightly different version than the one we’ve been riffing off of, so that made setting the intention and container for the session a bit easier. Right off the bat, she had her “material” impeding the change she’s looking for right up near the surface, so we jumped right in pretty quickly. I found it massively helpful to maintain the focus of the session by coming back to the fundamental need she voiced in the beginning, because she had a ton of emotion around what we were diving into, and it could’ve easily gone off into a bunch of directions.
-How did or could Gestalt fit into your nature-connected coaching session?
It felt like Gestalt was the foundation of this coaching session. She was showing up with her whole self (or what seemed like it to me), and I really felt like I was doing the same for most of our time together. The flow of the session really took shape around what was coming up for her in the moment, but also within the framework of what she wanted to accomplish with the session.
-How did or could you collaborate with Nature and combine Gestalt and Coaching principles?
I’m aware that this happened a bunch in subtle ways over the session, but an area where it was most prevalent in my memory was at the end of the session when she was very emotionally aroused, and I wanted to bring her to a more grounded place so that we could touch on some integration before she had to go. To end the threshold, I guided her through a somatic grounding exercise while she laid on the grass with her limbs sprawled out on the ground. With each area of the body, I reminded her how the Earth was holding her, and to feel the elements in contact in her awareness. This resulted in her being way more prepared to go out in the rest of the day because she “felt the support” from the ground, as she said. It that instance, the Earth gave her way more as a guide than I ever could.
-What challenges did you face? How did you adapt?
There were a few moments where I was a little startled by how big the emotions were that came up for her. I worried that I would say the wrong thing or make the pain worse for her by going farther into it, or even just staying with it. I was then reminded of something Derek said at the intensive about how we can’t fuck our clients up, and it’s important to touch on these messy things with healing is to happen. Thinking back on this, and the commitment I’ve made to give my clients the highest regard I can in their ability to handle what comes up, I was able to sit with the discomfort I was feeling (which quickly dissipated), and hold space in reverent silence for her process. It felt really good.
-What flowed and how did you build off it?
As these big themes of trauma around her personal pain and division between masculine and feminine forces within her (and within her life) came up, I saw a lot of opportunities for her to see her parts from so many angles. I continued to ask her permission as I invited her to take on the roles of different parts that were very much a part of this tension within her. She continued to be brave enough to go into parts that she really wanted to avoid, ones that seemed deeply rooted in her trauma of the past, and the energy and peak experience grew from that. It felt natural that the emotions got bigger and bigger as we went deeper into these darker, “yuckier” parts.
-What did you learn about yourself and nature-connected coaching?
When I have such a big, intense, cathartic session like this with someone, I’m just reminded about how right this work feels for me. I also learned that there is a pretty big part of me that is sometimes resistant to being okay with or holding space for jumbo emotions that arise in my clients, mostly because I can start to make it about myself, and wonder how I can make their experience better or have more healing. But I realized (and I suspect that this will be a long-term tension within me) that it is their journey, their pain, and their work to resolve it. When I make it about me, that’s when healing could potentially be thwarted. It’s not about me! What a relief to realize.
-How do the readings relate and interact with the face to face material and your work with your practice clients?
Just generally speaking, I think back on Jenny Rogers a lot when my own stuff comes up in the container of the session. She is so good at teaching strategies for non-attachment with clients, and is clearly very good at healthy boundaries, while also being super present within the gestalt. I can’t think of specific examples at the moment, but her book has had a significant impact on my coaching presence. She is my #coachgoals.
-What ideas do you have for how you might use Gestalt and nature-connected coaching in the future with your client?
I’m feeling very drawn to dive deeper into Gestalt trainings because the lessons I learned at the intensive were so impactful. I want to continue to bring myself more into sessions (without making it about me), as I see how much this can give my clients permission to fully embody what they are feeling and what is coming up for them. It’s just such a damn beautiful process, and I want to do whatever I can to bring more of it into my coaching practice.
-How does Gestalt Therapy effect or enhance your Coaching Presence and approach?
I feel like I’ve answered this question through the previous questions 🙂
-How does Nature-Connected Practices, and Gestalt Therapy interface?
It feels like that question comes down to being present with and open to all the things that are happening in the present moment. With the former, we are looking at where we and nature interact (and ideally seeing that there really is no boundary), and with the latter, it feels like the same case but with our emotions and sensory perceptions. It makes so much sense that they are intrinsically linked.
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Wow Hannah, what a beautiful opportunity for growth for you and your client. It was awesome read how you rose up to the challenge of keeping laser like focus on your client and holding space for her after you noticed your own inner resistance as seen in this statement you made, “When I have such a big, intense, cathartic session like this with someone, I’m just reminded about how right this work feels for me. I also learned that there is a pretty big part of me that is sometimes resistant to being okay with or holding space for jumbo emotions that arise in my clients, mostly because I can start to make it about myself, and wonder how I can make their experience better or have more healing. But I realized (and I suspect that this will be a long-term tension within me) that it is their journey, their pain, and their work to resolve it. When I make it about me, that’s when healing could potentially be thwarted. It’s not about me! What a relief to realize.” That is one of the things I love most about doing this work is just trusting the process and taking my own shit out of the equation. I show up as I am for my client because this is their time and it’s not about me…a relief indeed 🙂
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Hannah,
It is amazing to watch how your coaching and guiding is developing! I loved reading about your experience and your awareness — not only of your client, but of yourself and how the big emotions were effecting you. Awesome! I especially appreciated how you worked with a grounding exercise to bring your client back into the present and begin integration: “To end the threshold, I guided her through a somatic grounding exercise while she laid on the grass with her limbs sprawled out on the ground. With each area of the body, I reminded her how the Earth was holding her, and to feel the elements in contact in her awareness. This resulted in her being way more prepared to go out in the rest of the day because she “felt the support” from the ground, as she said. It that instance, the Earth gave her way more as a guide than I ever could.”
This really brought back one of the readings for me, where in Gestalt Therapy, Yontef writes about the bulk of the healing happening in between sessions, that “The patient is often left unfinished but thoughtful, or opened up…like a roast that continues to cook after being removed from the oven.” And that in Gestalt, “We facilitate growth rather than complete a cure process.”
This has been really helpful for me to remember as I’m working with a client. I think going along with feeling like I need to do something as a coach, I have also become aware of feeling like I need to leave the client in a position where they have a huge ah-ha or feel complete in some way about their issue. It is a real change in perspective for me to take that responsibility off my shoulders and change my responsibility to just showing up with my humanness, staying as present as possible through the session, and making inviting a grounding and integration for my client before they leave the experience. This is a real shift into trusting that the process of healing has opened and will continue far past the session.
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Hannah what wonderful self-reflection and powerful coaching!
I Loved this at the end: “it is their journey, their pain, and their work to resolve it. When I make it about me, that’s when healing could potentially be thwarted. It’s not about me! What a relief to realize.”
I feel your caring nature so strongly and I can see what a delightfully interesting practice it may be to walk that boundary of loving and caring so deeply and wanting all the pain to turn into healing and happiness right away, and the strong part of you that’s willing to let others have their own journeys – in a sense, allowing that is one of the most loving things we can do sometimes!
Lots of respect for you (and the incredible power of this group!)
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From reading the posts available so far, I am jazzed to see the thread weaving through. I see a trusting into oneself in the moment and experiencing how powerful this resource/reality can be. Rachel says–“So whatever awareness I have, I can trust it.”. Kent lead his client to tap into the wisdom present in the body, the sensation of the moment: the tingling fire of a phoenix rising. Hannah noticed much about boundaries, what is me and not me yet how are they interlinked? And Mandy sunk into a deeper awareness about contact, presence and making use of one’s own body/experience in the session as an “I” noticing and experiencing in the present. I really hear a deep intention to understand and hold with a fierce gentleness–the well of everything available in trusting into the present moment. Que bello!
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Summary Post:
From reading back through these posts, I am really inspired by the level of deep listening and sensing that we are tracking. It is amazing to me that many of the posts write about sensing when the client is transcending the moment or beginning to flood with emotions and many of you utilized some form of connecting with the earth to ground and bring the client back into the present. It is really cool to see this across the board! Where nature connected coaching and Gestalt meet. -
How does Nature-Connected Practices, and Gestalt Therapy interface?
In the course of the Gestalt module, one of the things we discussed is that a lot of what Gestalt work looks like is honoring the present moment for your client. To me, this is how Coaching with Gestalt work interface. During coaching, we have a process to follow: Severance, Threshold, Incorporation. In each of those steps it’s possible to get caught up in the “right” way to coach and lose sight of being present with the client. I certainly noticed this working with my client, as well as in fishbowls, etc. Gestalt showed me that deep listening, awareness and honoring what is going on for the client is of utmost importance. Maintaining contact with a client and being aware of any breaks in that contact can give us insight on what our client is dealing with. For example, one form of contact can be deflection and a classic form of deflection can be storytelling. If the client changes the subject quickly and begins telling a story, that could potentially mean there is something deeper there to explore. Other examples can include looking at a person, verbosity, vagueness, understating and talking about rather than to (Yontef). To me, I need have the awareness to notice these contact disturbances as not to pass over it or assume it is nothing. They have meaning and can be a doorway to something deeper, including the deeper need.
How did or could Gestalt fit into your nature-connected coaching session?
In my coaching context, which is based within a company and the people in it, using Gestalt work can be simply listening and honoring what is happening. As said above, one of my big takeaways was to just let the current moment happen, whatever that may be. A staff member may be going through trauma, or grief, or simply a troubling work situation. In any of those contexts, I believe it would be proper for me to let them express what is occurring in their life and not interrupt or try to steer it in any direction. Using Derek’s analogy of how you respond to a child with a cut on their finger, simply being there for the person and letting them know “I got you, it’s OK” may be all the coaching the person needs at that time. Now, if someone is open and willing to work through the issue with me and I set the proper coaching context, then I can move into a formal session. This may be one or multiple sessions where we go through the process: Start with Severance, create a Threshold experience, and finally come up with a plan for incorporation.
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Summary Post:
For me, Gestalt is a highly valuable technique that challenges, and invites, me to bring my own humanity into sessions with my clients. I appreciate that it is about being in the present moment with clients in whatever state they find themselves in to honor their being and experiences. It is important to remind myself that Nature-Connected Coaching is very holistic in the sense that, even though it is about moving forward and creating goals, it is also about understanding and empathizing with the deep wounds and needs of clients.
Gestalt is a beyond a modality that challenges clients to see, and feel, their wounds within a safe space which leads them to confront their wounds in a way that helps them move past the pain toward what they want/need for themselves. I say “beyond” because Gestalt is so much more than a method, it is a way of being with, and for, the client. And while Gestalt may approach the very edge of ethically working with clients, it may also be the only opportunity a person has ever had to enter into a vulnerable state and be seen for who they are.
It is an honor, privilege and great responsibility to walk beside clients in such a way as Gestalt teaches. To dance in the moment with another human being, and to see the range of emotions and experiences they bring, is humbling and empowering both for coach and client.
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Gestalt
7/31/18
Summary PostAs I wrap up the Gestalt unit, what stands out to me is Gestalt is really just having a keen awareness to everything that is going on, creating a safe space to let it happen, and doing what is natural. Mandy said it best by saying “…just showing up with my humanness…”. To me, that’s the key – just being human with a person no matter whether the subject is light and easy, or dark and heavy. If the client wants to celebrate, celebrate with them. If they need to cry, let them cry and let them know you are there for them. It’s really pretty simple, but our minds can overcomplicate it so much.
My takeaway from this unit that I will bring into our organization is just constantly keeping an ear to the ground and being aware of what is going on in the lives of those around me. It’s my job as a coach to notice these things, and then translate that into being a human in my interactions with them about what is going on in their world. Just listening could be enough for someone – then imagine what could be done in a coaching session around it!
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Summary:
Gestalt is one of my favorite modalities because it so resonates with my personal life view, that EVERYTHING is a living organism, or more precisely everything lives within concentric rings of living organisms, and all of life, all of psychology, all our parts, are all parts of larger systems which each have the inherent drive toward healing, wholeness, and growth. and these systems have actually been around, healing, whole-ing, and growing, for longer than we can comprehend. Aka the System, the Organism, the Living energetic body of which I am also a cell, is always moving toward love. To me gestalt is the closest real-life modality to a spiritual practice of surrender and trust in the animated system of which I am a part. this is a practice that resonates so deeply in my coaching and comes quite naturally because it is a main way I have intended to live all of my life. I am so grateful for this basic training and will definitely invest in more learning in this field.
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Initial Post
Since my move to Utah for my guiding job, my clientele and “session” structure has changed drastically. My one-on-one interactions with clients are sporadic, less focused, and rare. Most of my chances to do some real guiding happen in our daily therapeutic groups, which are always introduced as a subject of conversation.
My use of gestalt presence, and the phenomenological and field theory perspectives have invited significant feedback from my co-staff, usually that what I do is different and effective. Most of guide-client or therapist-client interactions I witness at work are rooted in intellectual conversation and following through on therapeutic goals, and my use of gestalt presence and dialogue stands out.
A few instances with clients stand out to me in using gestalt principles at work. Once was a fairly recent daily group. Around 4 weeks into the program (a 90 day treatment program), clients receive “impact letters” from their closest relationships at home. The impact letters are written to them, describing the client’s past destructive behavior and actions and how it impacted their family member/loved one. These impact letters are read for the first time by the client in front of the group of clients and guides and opens up to dialogue after the letter is read.
Most recently, a client read his impact letters from both parents. While follow-up questions from my co-staff and other clients focusing on backstory were helpful in building relationship with the client, my approach was rooted in gestalt. I tracked the client while he read his letters, noticing points that felt charged with emotion, his changes in body language, and how I felt throughout the letters. My questions and reflections focused on those things, and every time brought him closer to his emotional experience as opposed to intellectual story telling. Reflecting on when I noticed emotion or a shift in body position/language continuously lead the client into a deeper awareness of himself.
The other interaction that stands out to me and an empty chair session I facilitated with a client. My first interaction with this client was of him being on a team I was to be guiding that week and he refused to go out into the field with the team. He stayed behind with another guide, withdrawn and dysregulated, demanding to go home. My next shift he was in the team I worked with and we spent the week in the field together. He was slightly more committed to the program, yet hardly committed to actual growth in it.
In our conversations, I discovered that he had significant losses and grief that he drowned out with drugs and alcohol. One of his losses what his grandfather – someone who he looked up to as a mentor figure and who loved him and saw him for who he was at his core. With the intention to feel the repressed emotions of his loss, I guided him through an empty chair experiment with his grandfather. We projected his grandfather onto a juniper tree and he spoke to the tree, then I invited him to speak back to himself from the perspective of his grandfather. I helped guide him through his emotions by noting when I felt or saw shifts and encouraging him to stay with sensations or repeat things that felt emotionally charged.
We uncovered that he had defined who he was as a bad, hopeless soul defined by his actions. In speaking from his grandfather, he was able to believe that he was not actually defined by his actions, and he named qualities that defined who he truly is. By the end of the session he tapped into a new-found commitment to himself and his recovery. His progress in the program was exponential from that week on.
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Summary Post
I look forward to deepening my gestalt skills in this job and when I work with coaching clients again. These skills set me apart from other guides and even from the therapists at work. My ability to track, be present, and practice awareness of my clients’ deeper feelings, needs, and narratives has improved drastically from this module. The gestalt module helped me to guide on a far deeper level, and I feel as though I’ve only scratched the surface of my skills in gestalt and toolbox of experiments.