APNC 1.2 (WI 2018)

[cindy_sell_schulte]

1 Come up with 3 different opportunities to intentionally practice objective awareness (i.e. At your sit spot, in a conversation, at work).
2 Use the Sacred Questions to formulate your initial post:
• What did I notice?
• What does that show me?
• What does that teach me?

I have to say that using the “Seven Breaths” meditation has given me the best, most useful, and immediate direction, this past week, or so. I have been using it “PRN” to figure out why I am feeling the way I feel, mostly when I am experiencing a negative emotion. So I’ve been journalling, but only when I feel a certain way. Writing the seven, then narrowing it down, makes me really “zero in” on the base emotion(s). The “why” seems easy, after you pinpoint the basic three or four. The “how” isn’t always so easy, nor is the “conversation”. For me, I’ve found that sometimes the emotions arise from knowing that I cannot always change a situation, and that I can only change my attitude and reaction to it—accept that I’m not always in control. This completely changes my usual “control” and “planning” behaviors, and sometimes my “goal” is to just accept whatever is going on, without creating a reaction or plan to change to make it what I think it should be. This was a great discovery, for me, because it sort of ties into the acceptance of NATURAL DISASTERS. When I think about people who have endured such catastrophe, they don’t stop in the middle of a storm and say: I’m moving! They take shelter, be safe, and when the storm passes, they gather what they have, and they take action. The bottom line, I suppose, for me is: you cannot expect to be safe, moving, in the middle of a storm. There is time to clean up, re-assess, and move, afterward. I needn’t feel like I can change everything, while everything is changing. Pretty powerful for a self-labeled “control-freak”.

I’ve also used the sensory meditation and even introduced “layered listening” to my weekly meditation group, to see if anyone else hears that same humming noise that I mentioned during the lesson/class. I’ve been curious to see if I hear this noise outside of the ‘city’, but I haven’t had time to find out/leave town. On my walks, to and from work, this week, I have sometimes just tuned in to the noises of the animals, and the changes in the environment with the approach of spring (until yesterday, when winter came back).

I have not yet found a “sit-spot” that I am comfortable with, apart from a place inside my home. I think I feel like I’m being watched, outside (as I live in a neighborhood where the houses are close together, and many can see what you are doing). I just want a place, nearby, that I haven’t found, outside, to sit.

Hope everyone has a good week. See you on Thursday.

[Joshua Maze]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. A lot of what you wrote about really spoke to me this week. As someone who has dealt with anxiety and self-doubt, I often struggle with my own control and planning behaviors, usually in an effort to make myself feel safe.

I really liked the analogy of the natural disaster and how it isn’t safe to run away, but rather to shelter in place and reassess when the danger has passed.

In regards to your hum, I think I know exactly what you are describing. You are not crazy!

[christy.a.gilmore]

Cindy,

Thank you for sharing your reflections from the week. I wanted to share some ideas just in case they may be helpful. I can’t seem to relax and settle in if I feel that I am being watched either. I was wondering if you could create a sit spot that is private and in your home, while incorporating elements from more expansive spaces? For example, listening to a soundtrack of nature sounds or even classical music to explore the layers and textures of awareness that might be found within? Or, putting on a slide show of natural landscapes? I have a tv in my office space and to my delight I have discovered that when it goes into screen saver mode it showcases the most beautiful photographs for a good 20 minutes or so. There are so many layers to explore in terms of visual textures, imagining tactile textures for what I am seeing, imagining smells, etc. It might be an interesting way to explore wide angle vision or 360 listening in a somewhat virtual environment.

I’m not sure if it’s my tv or the amazon fire box that is connected to it to be honest… but it’s very cool.

-Christy

[christy.a.gilmore]

Module 2
This week I enjoyed diving deeper into nature connectivity and the associated practices. I was struck by the idea of considering concentric rings not just when attuning to physical environments that we may be in, but considering the baseline and concentric rings for our internal landscapes as well. For example, our emotional baseline and any anomalies that may show up. Considering this helped me take the idea further, to consider the baseline of health and physical being as well as for relationships.
The meditative practices were enlightening, as is always the case when we remember to tune in to ourselves and the ways in which we are connected or disconnected from other entities in the universe. For the discussion topic exercise I made a few notes below.
What did I notice?
• Feelings of heaviness, fullness (in a excessive way), perceptions obscured
• Feelings of confined space
What does that show me?
• There have been presented a variety of signs and signals in my awareness for some time now
What does that teach me?
• I may need to let go of something
• I may need to create more empty space
• I may need to have openness so wisdom and clarity can enter in
• I may be avoiding the emptiness for some reason
• I have not asked for help (a la my coaching wheel assessment of extra high on self-reliance!)
The question from the breathing exercise around how do I heal this is still somewhat elusive for me. I will need to commit to follow through on repeating these exercises to solidify the path forward.
How has this been for others?
Christy

[Joshua Maze]

I have to be honest, I found the 7 breaths experience difficult. I used to describe my experience as someone who “struggles” with anxiety and depression. Through persistent and deliberate practice (and an excellent EBI guide) I’ve learned to walk alongside those perceived struggles. The exercise, however, showed me how engrained some of those struggles were, because the 7 breaths quickly found destructive words. Thankfully though, positive words also emerged. The mixture of negative and positive words allowed me to see where I am along my journey of recovery.

I also have had difficulty in finding a sit spot outside of my home. I live in an apartment, with a 2 year old. I have no backyard to retreat to. I have woods near me, but allowing a solo journey takes some planning. Instead, I meditate and reflect (and post discussion board topics) at midnight, when my family is asleep. While the location is it not ideal, I do find the regular practice of meditation before bed to be helpful.

I work in retail pharmacy, where things can become hectic. Practicing Objective Awareness has allowed me to approach both my patients and my coworkers with more calmness and positivity.

[Lauren Lucek]

Hey Everyone!

Thanks for everyone’s responses.

Christy: It seems like you are starting to notice your feelings and definitely connecting these feelings to what you ‘may’ need to do. The follow through is hard, for everyone, but I like to take baby steps. One thing at a time, and slowly the follow through becomes easier.

Cindy: Your comments connected to the ‘how’ and ‘conversation’ pieces of the 7-Breaths, really resonated with me. I also often feel like a control-freak, and at times, it is very difficult for me to let go of the things I can’t control. I personally have been trying to figure out what I CAN control, and try to make small changes with my own reactions and behaviors, to see if that makes a difference. And slowly it does. Things that seemed like the biggest of deals become less important in the big picture.

I had some really interesting experiences this week within my sit spot, using the 7-Breaths and Sacred Questions. I first started a basic Sensory Awareness Meditation in my apartment. This was an interesting observation, as I was flooded with negative thoughts, feelings of sadness, loneliness, and frustration…that, at this current time, I don’t really feel that often. The sounds in my building and people in the alley distracted me. I thought immediately, this isn’t going to work for me. The next day I took a walk up the street to a beautiful park, where I found my sit spot. A place under two giant Sycamore trees! There were a few people around, but that didn’t bother me. I live in Southern California; everyone is a little ‘out there’! 😉 Anyway, I immediately felt more grounded. I’m also reading The Tracker by Tom Brown Jr., which is definitely helping me to be aware of all the sounds around me, especially the birds and the way the trees sound in the breeze. I was able to immediately fall in to a much calmer state of mind. I focused on my breath and with those breaths, listened to what was calling to me. I immediately recognized all the good feelings I had and one thought/feeling that wasn’t sitting well with me. I was told over a month ago that I was being considered for a promotion at my job, but my direct boss was leaving in a few days, and I still hadn’t sat down with him to continue this conversation. I was being passive, putting my needs last, and just waiting. After journaling a bit, answering some Sacred Questions and breathing more, I texted my boss and told him that I needed to sit down with him before he left. I wanted to discuss my future there and boldly stated what I wanted and what I felt I deserved. He immediately responded and asked me to come in early to work. We sat down, chatted; I was promoted, given a raise and some other bonuses! I was slightly dumbfounded at what was going on, but smiled to myself a bit. Was this all happening because I finally took the time to take the time to explore what was making me feel a bit off/frustrated, and then actually DEALING with it instead of pushing it to the back of my mind??? I don’t exactly know. Things won’t be handed to me on a silver platter. I need to go after what I want and deserve. My sister always says, ‘Without Challenge, there is no change.” My challenge is expressing myself and feeling like I’m worthy for all the good things in this life. Baby steps, one thing at a time, more breathing, more observing. See you all on Thursday finally! Take care!
-Lauren

[Lyria Shaffer-Bauck]

I wanted to comment on your story about finding clarity about what you needed and acting on it. This is something I have struggled with for years–talking myself out of putting myself first, fearing the responses of others, etc. like some sort of social chivalry. It is in the past year that I have felt the flutterings of awakening. All it takes is that first experience where you find the gumption to just say it, or just do it and then you realize that you can and you won’t be rejected for it and the world won’t explode. It is like a grand reawakening. I am excited to hear about your experiences moving forward, since I think this is the start of a new way for you! You go, girl!

[Cory Steele]

That is so interesting about your recent change in work. I think that what you experienced is what so many other people often experience as well. I can at least speak for myself in the case of not getting things done. Constantly trapped in a state of emotion of maybe not deserving it and this can also lead to overthinking things. I found it fascinating that Lyria used the word awakening. It is almost like waking up and realizing how much power is within to obtain something that you want. I know that before I would be in a state of overthinking and not be able to actually focus on what it is I want. Your story was very moving and I like seeing that people are able to change things around for themselves by realizing the power within them!

[Lyria Shaffer-Bauck]

Many who know me will say that I am one of the most disciplined people they know—to the point of being very hard on myself. While I will thrust myself into a grueling marathon-training schedule without batting an eye, when it comes to honoring my “softer” side, I can only bring myself to dabble here and there without structure. I am a woman of tangible results, but somehow the satisfaction in creating what to others is a great feat, is not felt by me. I suspect that there is some fear of opening Pandora’s box within me.

As with Lauren’s experience, I have had minimal luck with Sensory Awareness Meditation in my home. We live on the ground floor and the frustrations caused by the scarcity of peace and quiet in our building does not lead my thoughts down a very positive path. At times, I feel starved for solitude in this city. Fortunately, I have a sit spot in a “pocket park” that I discovered down the way and have been making frequent visits. In fact, I have a sit spot at work as well—to hell with trying not to seem like a weirdo! I have enjoyed doing the Sensory Awareness Meditations in these spots as spring rapidly approaches. I always understood meditations to be a complete emptying of the mind, which has been a fruitless venture for me. The disciplinarian in me takes it on as the next marathon training and, before I know it, I’m stressing over my wandering thoughts!

To be out of the confines of my home or office and to allow myself to meditate on the other occupants of this planet and the cycles of the seasons has been a delicious pause for me. I love hearing the leaves rustle overhead, the birds gossiping and feeling the sun on my left cheek, knowing from the warmth on my skin and the glow through my eyelids that left faces west and the sun is setting. These things remind me that, as has been pointed out in other comments, the world keeps turning no matter what and will continue to do so—even if I need to take pause and opt not to take action for a day, or two, or maybe a week!

I have kept a journal for my 7 Breaths exercises. The second day I did this exercise, I turned our garage upside down making way for a new studio space—something I have put on the back burner for far too long. As with Lauren’s experience, I often find myself talking myself out of expressing what I need and/or acting on these feelings. Since I started the 7 Breaths, I have noticed a pattern in feelings of “fleetingness” and “change”. I feel compelled to put more energy into honoring my own authenticity and taking action where necessary.

One last thing before I close. (Sorry for the essay!) I was practicing wide angle vision on a training run the day after our last meeting and was running along a bluff wooded with alders when I saw a familiar silhouette. It was just a split second and I could have easily been mistaken, but I blurted out the name of the man who managed the woodshop I worked in when I went to school in Colorado. I haven’t t seen him in 11 years and, sure enough, it was him! When we parted ways, I felt energized by this result of opening up my field of vision to the world around me. Oddly enough, he had been on my mind recently. This illustrated to me how connected we all are.

I look forward to seeing all of you in a couple days.

Stay well,
Lyria

[Cory Steele]

I found myself using objective awareness in three very different places the last two weeks.
Meditation in solitude: I put on some noise canceling headphones and turn the lights in my room to a very dim setting, and I noticed a very deep connection of love. It wasn’t the regular conditional love that we have for loved ones or things we enjoy. This was a deep presence and understanding who I am in this grand cosmos of limitless “space/time.” It was a feeling of unconditional love for every one and everything. It showed me that when I start to feel or experience problems in my life all I have to do is go to that deep awareness and realization that everything will be alright. That regardless of what happens in life things are never as bad as we might make them out to be in our heads. The presence taught me that we can ONLY ever do what is in the present moment. We are often a victim of our thought patterns constantly worrying about the future or dwelling on the past.
Crowded restaurant: I was sitting at a local dinner with my girlfriend and took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and then became very aware of the present moment. I noticed the loud sounds of fryers, people talking, and the music that was playing in the background. Before I was completely fixed in the present moment I was feeling very irritated and had been arguing with my girlfriend. However, once I did step out of the thinking state I started to sense everything that was actually happening. It helped me stop the bickering because I just had this innate knowing that the reason I was irritated had nothing to do with her. It was because I was hot in this crowded and noisy room. I was picking up on conversations of gossip that didn’t matter to me, yet somehow subconsciously letting it control me. Almost like a tv advertisement that has the infinitesimal number of subliminal messages in them. It taught me that I have to be very careful with how I may let in certain things into my environment and to focus on my presence more often.
On a flight for work: I was on a flight from Chicago to Baltimore and there was a passenger in first class that was not happy about the WIFI going out. After going back and forth about it I went to the galley and took a deep breath and focused on the presence moment. I started to notice that I felt anxious. Why? I did not do anything on purpose to displease this person. I can not control if something works or if it is broken. Then I started to understand that I shouldn’t take it personally. He had something to get done for work, and that in turn stressed him out and caused him to act that way. This did not mean he is an evil person, or that I am at fault. It taught me to be neutral in the present moment and to see how someone feels about a situation and compare that with how they might be displacing that emotion/feeling onto something else.

Overall practicing objective awareness taught me to remain in the present moment, and to not take things to personal and focus on a more loving and understanding point of view.

[idahocarrie]

The 7 breath and Sacred Questions exercise has been illuminating, to say the least. I have tried to incorporate it once a day, after lunch, sitting on my back porch. I have been astounded at the amount of negative words that have popped up. 4 of the 7 are negative, every time. A lot of un-ease around not getting enough done, not being organized, not following through (perhaps Lyria I could use a little of your discipline superpowers). I realize that my mind/body is in a constant state of battle from overwhelm from being a single mom, launching a biz, managing 3 properties, and well, taking care of me. There is a thick coat of resistance that I would like to burn through to reach flow. Just having this awareness has catapulted me forward to really look honestly at myself and behaviors and how I can change them to feel more at ease. Habit evolution. Habit evolution. Following nature’s rhythms (circadian rhythm) of the day and let her be my guide. In other words, using the morning, afternoon, and evening time’s energy to utilize and maximize my potential. For example, the morning time is full of stamina. Put the hardest tasks of my day there, and let the late afternoon make way for easier ones. Go to bed when the sun sets and get up when she rises. Don’t drain my energy by staying up late.
The sensory awareness mediation has been lovely. In the same position on my back porch, I have tuned into the spring energy of the songbirds. They are a delight to listen to and soothes my soul after a long dark Idaho winter. Perhaps the songbirds can teach me to be joyful and at ease, even when there are enormous tasks at hand (finding food, protecting the young, safe shelter).

[Lyria Shaffer-Bauck]

I am loving reading all of these responses!

Corey: I enjoyed hearing your relations of situational use of the different exercises. I had a similar experience to your flight anecdote the other night while trying to find parking in a congested area. A car came up behind me and, within seconds, the driver was honking and gesturing angrily. Even after the man had changed lanes (and had advanced no further than right beside me, due to traffic) he continued to completely come undone in his car. Normally, I would be frightened, upset, or find this yet another disheartening aspect of living within the anonymity of the city, but this time I zoomed my focus out and looked at the whole situation and just had to laugh. Whatever was happening in his life/day had NOTHING to do with me. It was very liberating to be less like a sponge and more like a duck—letting it roll off my back 🙂

Carrie: I have often reflected on how far we have strayed from moving with the rhythms of nature. I have even read articles about the effects of “light poisoning”—where some in this day and age live their entire lives without being in complete darkness. My boyfriend and I went away for the weekend and and stayed in a little cabin in the woods. I felt like I had never rested so deeply. We rose with the sun and rested when it became dark and the only sounds were those of a babbling creek and a chorus of frogs. When I visualize a future for myself, I see more harmonious existence with these rhythms.