APNC 2.1 (WI 2018)

[Joshua Maze]

I would first like to thank Lyria for asking her question in the video call regarding her feelings of anxiety, eagerness and fleetingness. It is encouraging to me to know that I am not the only member of this group having negative feelings raise to the surface during some of our exercises. Thank you for sharing.

Since finding EBI, I have set the intention of “being a better person”. A very vague and general statement, to be sure, but the vagueness is what has helped me to keep on track. As part of that betterment, I have been thoughtfully practicing objective awareness in every facet of my life, from work, to home, and tackling personal issues. Like other members here have said, my family and my coworkers are noticing my progress. It feels good knowing that I an effecting my environment in a positive way.

However, I recently had a situation at work where a patient became upset at what I perceived to be a small inconvenience. I attempted to use the skills we have learned to understand her point of view and to redirect the situation. She snapped and it left me feeling shaken more than usual. I wonder if anyone in the group has had a similar experience, where practice of these skills has left you more vulnerable to others negative emotions?

As I have stated in these discussions before, my daughter is a huge inspiration for my nature work. Her love of being outside has taken us on walks on nearly every nice day. It is interesting to see how she interprets nature and how that differs from myself and other adults. Without knowing what she is doing, she is practicing some of the skills being taught in this course, particularly the wide-angle vision and 360 listening. She will point out a bird farther away than I thought to look and will ask about sounds that my conscious mind had all but blocked out. When we go on our walk around the pond, she makes a point to stop and sit at each bench along the path, seemingly to recollect herself and be in the moment.

I frequently go back to my experiences with her when writing these discussions, because unwittingly she is teaching me how to work alongside of nature, how to notice the little things and be curious of everything. That wonder and sense of peace and freedom is what I want to give to my clients when I begin coaching. It is an interesting thought experiment to walk with her and have a “conversation” about nature and imagine how that might be similar or different to one I would have with a client.

[Cory Steele]

Hello Joshua! That is very cool that your daughter shares the love for nature! I think that is very interesting that you pointed out that practicing these things may open one up to negative emotions. I do think that it can have the potential to, if you let it. I have always thought that the more empathetic and aware one is can be hard to handle. My thinking behind this is that if you are able to not only sympathize with someone in a situation, but empathize; really FEEL what the other person is feeling, then it can be overwhelming. At work you were only trying to be aware of what the other person is feeling, and they took it the wrong way. A lot of times it seems that we are only trying to help and only have good intentions. I will say that from personal experience you can only control your level of awareness, and that sometimes leads to others taking things the wrong way. Never get discouraged though because the positivity you bring to situations will continued to make you a “better person” and by being a better person you are making the world a better place in return!

[Lyria Shaffer-Bauck]

Hi, Joshua. Thank you for sharing your experience. I know exactly how you feel. In fact, I frequently feel overwhelmed and frustrated by the degree to which I “feel” for other people. Living in this age of technology, there is a direct correlation between the decrease in empathy within the populace and device use. That makes you unique! While empathy is a good practice, and it makes us more human, it can make self-preservation difficult. For example, how long did it take for that tightness in your gut (or whatever you felt) to go away? If you are anything like me, it colored a good chunk of your day. I have found that the sensory meditation can help to dissipate these feelings, but what if it’s not an appropriate time/place to practice? I’d love to hear if you discover good techniques for dealing with those strong emotions because they can really affect one’s resiliency!

[Cory Steele]

This past week I sat and mediated for a lot longer than I normally do. I became very still and present and was able to completely observe my thoughts from a very objective place with no attachment whatsoever. I then started to pick up on the wind here in Denver (it has been extremely windy several days the past couple of weeks), and that led me to another place where I was able to observe some things deep within my subconscious mind that had to do with my family.

The wind reminded me of my hometown in Idaho and I felt as though nature was communicating with me in that moment. So, I decided to hop on a plane and go back to see some family. Once I got there I saw some family I had not seen in a while; my uncle and my grandfather. I had not talked to them in a long time. They are both very loving people but would constantly find ways to pick at me. What seemed like endless harmless fun to them actually end up really hurting me. However, with this new state of awareness and objective non-attachment I was able to just not be affected by what they were saying to me.

I had another moment like this while back in Idaho. My brother came over to my mom’s house where I was staying and we had the most honest and deep conversation we have ever had. We grew up with a single teenage mom, and my brother held a deep grudge towards my dad. This can still be seen in his life today. As a little kid I would always be able to since whenever my mom or brother was feeling something. I felt it as if it was my own but from that same place of objective awareness I just observed both of them. Instead of picking up on things that were not my own and feeling negativity from them I was able to give my advice from the outside.

This trip back really helped me increase my awareness, and it was very profound how the mediation mixed with the wind pulled me towards Idaho and some things I still had not dealt with there. It has already helped me back here in Denver by continuing that same feeling in my work life as well as my personal life. It truly is remarkable the role that nature plays in our lives if we just listen to what is being said.

[Joshua Maze]

Cory,
I think it is really cool how you allowed nature to speak to you in that moment and it inspired you to go home and visit your family. It can be life changing in that way. I’m glad that you had the opportunity to reconnect with people that you haven’t seen in a while.

In regards to your family members, it’s interesting to see how your perceptions of them have changed, now that you are employing objective awareness. Hopefully this expanded outlook will only foster stronger bonds.

I had a similar situation where I initially felt hurt by a close friend, but by using some of these techniques, I was able to realize that he wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt me, but was dealing with his own issues. Facing conflicts with this new set of tools has been a really good experience and I am forming stronger relationships because of it, and it sounds like you are as well.

[Lyria Shaffer-Bauck]

Thank you for sharing, Cory! I think the ultimate challenge to our new set of skills is interacting with family. There is so much weight and history in those relationships. The fact that you felt the pull and just went is awesome. To experience that clarity of intention and act on it is a huge feat. I used to get upset when people would tell me that I was “choosing” to be angry about something. Believe me, our family history has had its fair share of conflict and trauma. It has taken me all this time to realize that it is true–and not just something people say to patronize! It is all a choice. What we allow in is vetted by us. I look forward to hearing more about developments as we all experiment with revisiting painful experiences and relationships to see if we can bring some peace, healing and grounded perspective to them.

[Lyria Shaffer-Bauck]

Having recently survived tax season in finance, I was thrilled when we received our homework from this last class. The organizer in me immediately set aside a day (last Sunday) on which I would have my epic wander. I was excited for the process of preparation and embarking on an adventure. Sunday rolled around and I was plagued by a migraine for a large chunk of the day. For me, this can be seen as a lesson: Act now. Don’t let perfection get in the way of doing. As a result, I wandered in the city on my hour lunch break yesterday. Spring is a lovely time of year to wander. It bustles with activity, color and emerging smells. I suppose the preparation/intention for my wander came in an unexpected fight I had with my boyfriend the night before. We have both found ourselves in career slumps that have left us uninspired. I have also recently felt that I have made the mistake of compromising my truth and values. I am living in a way that is not sustainable—it is not true to who I am. All of this has left me trying to reason with the fire within. I want to be logical about next steps, but there is a part of me that feels like I need to let the wild out to break the spell…for both of us. There is also a part of me that is scared that my boyfriend’s aversion to taking risks and unwillingness to do different than what others expect will affect my ability to find my own true purpose.

I started my wander from my “corporate sit spot”. While there is a water feature and a few organized plantings in the front courtyard of the building, I had never explored out back. I suppose what I carried with me was the question “Is staying in this relationship right for me and will I be strong enough to be true to myself, if I stay?” As I climbed the stairs behind the building, I quickly realized what I had been missing all of these months. The juxtaposition of ornamental concrete blocks, reinforced retaining walls and wooden benches and the explosion of unruly spring growth was beautiful! I rolled several of our exercises into one, experimenting with wide angle vision, closing my eyes, taking in sounds, smells, etc. I saw a sparrow with a tuft of seed down in her mouth off to build a nest, a cluster of metallic black flies lazily sunbathing near a fountain and scratch marks in the soil where worms had once resided. This park is immense and beautifully designed. Each time I discovered a new path, or marveled at the activities around me, I felt a pang of longing—wishing I could share the moment with him, or eagerness—already planning to bring him here. In that hour, I think I found the answer I was looking for. It is important to periodically recognize and fortify your core values and sense of self. So long as these are well-anchored and respected, each can take their own journey in harmony. My homework for myself this upcoming week will be to experiment with a little “lifestyle recalibration” and see what results. I think sometimes we try too hard to predict adverse results as an excuse not to try. We shall see…

[cindy_sell_schulte]

Lyria:
I keep coming up with the same word:
TRUST.
I had a lengthy reply to your super (!) post,
but that one word seems to sum it up.
I think a lot of us
are in the same boat.
I think TRUST is my own bottom-line.

[cindy_sell_schulte]

Reflect on your wander. How did Nature participate? And, what thoughts are there for you in regards to application to your life and career?

I am really enjoying reading about the outcomes of some of these exercises. Thank you for sharing them. I love how Joshua said that his daughter is able to tune in to things he has long been tuning out, so easily. Very cool. Kids get it. And parents who share that experience with them are great parents….And Cory: I giggled a little when I read that you just followed the wind and hopped a flight back home…that’s really following your pull, and it sounds like it brought you to the place where you need to be, in order to take care of unfinished business that might be ‘holding you back’ from the next steps in your inner journey. Again: very bold and very cool. Very difficult, but very necessary, it seems.

So:
During the last session, we were asked to pay attention to the “pull”. These past few weeks, my husband and I have been looking for a new place to live, and even though I keep thinking I want to go one direction in my life (north) my “pull” EACH TIME when I “ask”/listen/feel is actually east/southeast of where we are living, now. Finally, Monday night of this week, I decided we were driving toward the pull. We drove to a nearby, smaller town, and we looked around. We saw nothing. On the way back, I had the feeling that we were in about the right area, along a road that we hadn’t ever been on. Nothing for sale. Nothing but the deer that kept telling me where they were, alongside either side of this road. So I’m very curious about all that. It really makes me wonder. The direction seems right, but the outcome/why is not there, when I follow. Should I keep going back? I have no idea why my pull goes that direction, but it feels right, even when I seem to think otherwise. Perhaps my inner compass is broken…teehee.

Along those lines, I have to say, and maybe someone else has said this: I feel a little uncomfortable with the Wander, as I feel like I could get lost. Is that weird? Its not that I don’t EXPLORE, because, believe me—I am a gatherer of Nature stuff when I walk, but just randomly wandering makes me a little frightened. Maybe that’s the control freak in me— a trust issue. I feel like our society doesn’t wander—we ask our phones and cars to take us to certain destinations, so we don’t waste time. Since I’ve had jobs where I have to be at a certain location, by a certain time, I have turned my trust over to technology, for doing that, in all traveling. I think because I’m one of those people who needs a map or directions, I have lost my spacial-orientation, or parts of it, because sometimes I get SO TURNED AROUND in my directions, in everyday life (and I used to be all about N, S, E, W). This is just random thought. I was thinking maybe I just need to start small, in a park, or something, to do my wander, until I build that trust back up in myself.

Otherwise, here is how I’m using some of what we are being introduced to, in my work, as a Wellness Coordinator:

Since Earth Day is Sunday, my focus during the guided meditation this week was connection with Nature/ the beauty of Nature. I brought in a bunch of stuff from outside that I could find around the building like feathers, a long piece of tree bark, pods, cones, dandelions, rocks, etc and put them in the center of our circle. During the meditation, I asked that the members really open their sensual awareness outward in the Nature around them. Even though I lead the meditation, and help guide the participants through each sense, I “deliver them to a sense”, and then pause to allow them to focus on that sense, before we move to the next sense…at one point the room was so quiet (with 9 people in it) that I had to open my eyes to make sure everyone was still sitting with me. They were really into it. After the session, one of the ladies who is visually-impaired, said she felt the depth of the lines in a tree…another said she heard a stream and fire crackling, and the noises of a duck, or something. Because this group is on the ‘independent living’ side of our campus (in an aging-in-place community), I asked them all to take some time this week to try to find what they felt, smelled, tasted, heard or saw. Even if they don’t do the “homework”, the idea that they were able to savor the environment and share what they experienced was amazing and really made my heart sing.

See you tomorrow night!

[Lauren Lucek]

Loved reading all of your responses!

Joshua: I love that you take your daughter on walks with you, and you observe her observing nature and all the things around her. Seems like this kid is on a great path! I look forward to taking my niece on trips to the park and eventually camping, etc., as this was defining periods of my life as a child. I resonate with that feeling of vulnerability to others’ negative emotions. As a person that is often considered very empathetic, I find myself taking on lots of emotions from others. I don’t mind it so much, as I feel that it’s one of my greatest strengths. The key is figuring out how to HEAR people out, but not PHYSICALLY or MENTALLY/EMOTIONALY take on all they lay on you. The 7 Stairs sequence has been helpful in this, as a way to re-anchor myself.

Cory: I too think it’s amazing that you followed ‘the wind’ back to Idaho! I love my family very much, but most of them live on the East Coast, and I’m on the West. I have constantly had feelings of anxiety around my family. Am I good enough? Do I have a job that would make them proud to tell others about? Does the person I’m dating ‘fit’ into my family? How do I talk to my mother about how I feel and have felt emotionally for the last 38 years without her becoming defensive? It’s really overwhelming sometimes, and my visits home have been very few. What stood out for me is when you said, ‘with this new state of awareness and objective non-attachment,’ you were able to not be affected by what they said. Wow! I need to practice that.

Thank you!!

[Lauren Lucek]

Lyria: I liked your comment ‘don’t set a time (to wander). Act now! This is what happened to me too. I had the best intentions to do my wander on my day off, a few days after our class, but then the weather wasn’t great, so I put it off, and that turned into a few more days. Finally, I was sitting in my apartment with some extra time on my hands, so I slipped on my little pack and off I went! I didn’t look at the time and arrived back home 3 hours later. I guess Nature was really calling me! Since then, when I have a chunk of my day free, I just get out and start walking. No excuses!
I really enjoyed your description of your wander in your ‘corporate’ sit spot! Very detailed! I felt like I was there! And you proved that we can all wander, even if it’s behind a concrete building. You seemed to find the beauty and the sounds of the birds, in a place where many people may never notice these things!
I can definitely relate to your feelings and thoughts around your partner and relationship, and compromising your truth and values. You made a good point when you said; ‘I think sometimes we try to hard to predict adverse results as an excuse not to try.’ But in your wander you seemed to challenge that, and also focus on what is important to you. All I can say is, Trust your Gut. The rest will follow. How did the ‘lifestyle recalibration’ work out for you?

Cindy: I found your ‘pull’ to a new place to live interesting. I like how you followed your inner compass to a town nearby, yet found nothing for sale. But you also said that you had a feeling you were in the right area. Pay attention to that. Maybe next time you guys go there, you will find that your future home has suddenly come on the market!
I don’t think it’s weird that you have a fear of getting lost during your wander. Especially like you said, we are all so used to having our phone tell us which way to go! Maybe going to a park to start is a good idea. Good luck!

[Lauren Lucek]

Reflection on my Wander:

The first time I went on my wander, I had put it off for several days, waiting for that perfect time. As Lyria stated, there isn’t always a perfect time, I just had to get out and do it.
I started from a suspension bridge I found a few blocks from my house, in a neighborhood that I hadn’t really explored. It stretched across a canyon filled with cactus, small palms and lots of flowers beginning to bloom. I’m actually pretty afraid of heights and the swinging motion of the bridge didn’t help. But I looked at this as a challenge; similar to how I’m feeling about my current career and where I would like to be in a year.
I’ve been frustrated at work. Lately I have felt a huge lack of passion as a bartender and am really looking forward to starting a new career as a Nature-connected life coach. It seems everything related to my bartending and management position has become a chore, and not one that I get much satisfaction doing. It’s hard for me to spend time preparing training modules, creating cocktails and visiting places for new ideas and networking. I’m looking at my current job as a way to just make money while I do other things I love. This isn’t great because I find myself complaining often and not being my authentic self at work. Ewww…I’m becoming THAT PERSON.
Anyway, as I stood in the middle of the bridge, I looked out to the canyon and decided to let nature guide me and trust it to lead me in the thought process and observations that may arise. The end of the bridge put me in a new part of town that I had never walked around. It was filled with larger homes and beautiful landscaping. The trees and flowers here in San Diego are in full bloom. As I walked along the sidewalks, I found myself drawn to new flowers and plants that I just had to take pictures of (and later identify)! It was quiet and I heard squirrels chasing each other up the palm trees. I watched hummingbirds sucking nectar out of flowers. I crossed the street into Balboa Park, which is a huge park in the city and decided to wander into a part that I hadn’t explored before. I ended up on a trail called Trees for Health. I spent almost an hour walking along this trail and it was probably a half-mile.
I’ve been reading The Nature Fix by Florence Williams, and became really interested in the concept of ‘Forest Bathing’. Then here I find myself on a trail of trees with signs telling me information about the individual trees, their health benefits and uses…..Hmmmm…a sign?! I concluded my wander in my sit spot in the park. I wrote down all the things I saw and heard and smelled on my nearly 2-½-hour walk. I thought about how I felt then vs. when I started my wander. I hadn’t thought about work at all. I was happy and serene. In this particular wander, Nature showed up for me as a way to re-set myself, to ground myself and also to notice all these new trees, plants and flowers blooming in the spring. It was reaffirming to me that I’m headed in the right direction with EBI and continuing my love for being outside and trusting nature to show me what’s important.
I continued going on wanders throughout the last few weeks. Mostly I start at my sit spot and then walk to a new area of the park. If anything, it has been very grounding for me. I find myself refreshed and happier before I go into work. I’m still working on how to address my frustrations vocally at work. This has always been a bit of a struggle for me, but at least my brain doesn’t seem so crazy and overwhelmed.