APNC Spring 2020- Mod 3 Lesson 1 Forum

[Stacy Prater-Vigil]

Guiding Another. Experience Reflection 6/22/2020.
“Reflect on your guiding experience, how did the process go? What did you learn?”

My client has a mother who has dementia and has just moved in to my client’s home. It has been a disrupting, frustrating time for my client.
She went on a wander to find some answers to how to cope with her mom.
It was tough to get her to one statement about what she wanted from the wander. There was so much going on in her brain and coming out her mouth.
We sat under an oak tree and I gave her space to let it all spill out. Earth takes it all. After she let all the things out that were bothering her about her mom, I guided her back to coming up with one sentence. She had a tough time with reframing what she wanted NOT what she DIDNT want. After her one statement intention, there seemed to be a great shift to my client and to me as the energy shifted to more expansive.
She wandered with me next to her, we utilized the 7 breaths and she said that the wildflowers were talking to her. Using open ended questions, she went deeper into her connection with nature, each step seemed to create more peace for her.
She remembered some tools from Landmark Worldwide that helped her to detach or sever herself from the experience she was having with mom. What she finally got to was, She was making herself RIGHT (self righteousness) and making her mom WRONG for being so forgetful. She said she could see herself and her mom as a wildflower, one not being “more right” than another one, she felt there was space for some compassion for her mom and she felt freedom for herself to not be bogged down by anxiety and frustration.
This was exactly what her two intentions were at the start of the wander! I learned to continue to stay in a place of curiosity, keep breathing, don’t try to sway the outcome and trust the process.
Rumi has a quote, “Out beyond the idea of wrong doing and right doing, there is a field, I’ll meet you there.”

[lynn-nelson]

This was an interesting exercise for me made more so because it comes so naturally to me and so not to the friend who volunteered to be my lab rat. I asked this friend for a couple of reasons. First, she is going through a lot of changes in her life right now and I hoped that whatever happened, she would find something useful in it for her. Second, we connect on many intellectual levels, so it felt like someone I could be comfortable with and continue discussing these ideas with down the road. And finally, I knew she was not someone who sets aside time for a relationship with nature, and that’s a part of my life I hope to share with her for wellness’ sake.

So, I researched the area of town she leaves in and found three community parks within a mile. When I asked if she had been to any of them, she was surprised to find out they were even there. Nothing better than a blank slate, right? I decided on one that seemed most generic—likely to have some kids running around, but lots of tree to get lost in. The day before she had dropped in on me to “decompress” from work stress and I planted a few seeds for the wander. When we got to the park, I led her through seven breaths and some mind quieting activities. The hardest thing for her to wrap her mind around was that it was all about her, that the wander was to benefit her, and that my role would be more passive than usual. And that brings up the largest challenge.

Because we are used to bantering with each other on a level of ADHD squared, it was difficult for her to not chat with me about everything going on inside and outside her head. But after a few moments she settled in and began to wander. As an aside, this friend grew up in Mexico City and then as an adult spent most of her life in tiny apartments in the middle of town. On some levels she is uncomfortable in nature. Not surprisingly, as she wandered, she ended up in the adjacent neighborhood. I made a mental note of that. However, as we approached where we were parked, she bypassed the cars and headed for the shade of a tree. I asked if she was through wandering and she said she was but wondered if we could just sit in the shade of the tree for a while. An hour later, she was relaxed and perfectly content to sit—quietly.

A few observations from during the wander.

Near the beginning of it, she turned to me and in an irritated tone said, “It’s noisy!” I just said, “Yes,” and we continued. About 20 minutes later, a few blocks into the neighborhood, she stopped abruptly and with a tone of excitement said, “I don’t need a narrative!” To which I simply replied, “Right.” We ended up wandering for about 30 minutes. Then I asked what she was feeling, what did it mean to feel that way and what needed to change. She was feeling curious but also very peaceful. What that meant to her related to the two statements she had made during the wander. What was noisy was not the sounds of the nearby city or the children playing in the park—it was her mind. The narrative had referred to her mind as well. Apparently, she feels compelled to think and explain everything happening around her, even why she is doing whatever she is occupied with. That includes recreation time as well. What occurred to her in that moment, is that it is not a requirement to think about, understand, explain, or justify everything in her life every moment of the day. She decided it was ok to just do or be whatever in any given moment. Feeling that way meant that she could look at “me time” differently now and wanted to know what I do with me busy brain when I relate to nature. Before I shared any of my own practices, I asked again what needed to change and she said to allow herself more time to explore and discover, and sometimes just listen to nature.

My take on the exercise is that my friend experienced a profound insight to herself and one that may allow her to “breathe” more. For that I am grateful and humbled by the opportunity to share that moment with her. She has been known sometimes to focus on her thoughts so hard that she holds her breath. Although I appreciate intelligence and cognition, I also know a walk in the woods, physically, or only mentally if it is all you have, is good for what ails us. I hope she gives herself that gift.

[Jessica Buckley]

It felt very natural to integrate the 7 breaths and the concept of reprogramming into guiding my practice client on her Wander. After I provided instruction on how to do a Wander, she was drawing a blank on setting an intention, that’s where the 7 breaths meditation helped. It was a good way to help her conjure her own intention. I have a tendency to insert myself in other people’s experiences, so my mantra was “this isn’t about me”. At first I hesitated sharing my Wander experience, but found that it was helpful for her to have a tangible reference, much like how Mandy shared her story with us. We had a phone call after her Wander. Her voice was vibrant and energized. She had much to share and only one question came to my mind; How will you integrate this feeling into your daily life? Before I could ask the question, she answered it herself. She felt called to make a sign and hang it by her bed so that she would see it every morning when she woke up. I was astonished, she made the connection to reprogramming through her own experience. There was one moment where I overstepped and I could tell immediately. I made a suggestion about how she could further integrate her experience and it didn’t speak to her at all, I could tell by the lack of luster in her voice. I am curious to learn more about the role of a guide / coach in sharing affirmations with their client and distinguishing between invitations and making suggestions. It seems like an invitation has the essence of self-exploration where as a suggestion directs a client to a dead end. I did my 7 breaths mediation after the debrief with my client and found that my sense of adventure had returned just by witnessing someone else’s experience. This showed me that my yearning to do this work is undeniable.

[Eko]

My client’s goal was to get more clarity how to move forward in a certification program. She has been working on it for a few years on & off. She felt that she has invested quite a lot in her certification journey, but on the other hand, she also felt that she was not making much progress. When I guided her through her wander, I have done it quite a number of times. However, for my client, it was her first experience of doing such wander & she approached it with curiosity.

Prior to the wander, we has one session to get clear on her goal for the wander & I also explained what will each of us would be doing when we do the 30 minutes wander. On the agreed schedule, we met & I guided her to first did some sensory awareness meditation for about 5 minutes. It helped her to quieten her mind & connect more with nature. When we started to wander she walked quite briskly. I asked her whether she would like to walk with a slower pace so that she could notice her surrounding more closely & reflect more on what she noticed. She agreed to it, and started walking more slowly. Along the wander she shared what comes to her mind as noticed different things, & I mainly responded by reflecting back her message to her.

After the wander, we sat down to discuss the experience. I asked her what are her thoughts regarding the things that she noticed & shared during the wander. The highlight for her was that during the early part of the wander she thought of going to a gazebo near our starting point, but we ended up not going there at all because she felt attracted to pass by a group of boys who were playing ball at another area. But she felt that she enjoyed the overall journey, because it gave her the opportunity to explore areas that she never known before. She felt that it reflected her certification journey, and she felt that the journey has taught her that it is the new knowledge that is important for her, and she felt the freedom to not make herself meet the expectation of others who said that she was wasting her resources if she did not complete her certification.

I am truly amazed & humbled hearing her sharing her thoughts, because I am fully aware that I did very little during our wander. I just tried to create & maintain a container for her to connect with nature, and both she and nature worked it out themselves. I am eager to go deeper into this

[Sophie Turner]

I’m very late to completing this but here goes…

I recently guided someone remotely, the wander was an outcome from an initial coaching session and we discussed and set the intention for the wander.

I asked the client to reflect on the sacred questions at the end and during if they remembered to do so.

The process was a very powerful and important process for the client to go through, it was something they had never done before and while unsure about the wander initially was willing to trust the process and see what happened.

It was a beneficial and enlightening process for the client between sessions and has allowed them to build on their awareness, desires and openness to diving deeper in our upcoming sessions.

[Sophie Turner]

I can’t see my original post that I uploaded today so in brief. The wander was pivotal to the clients initial coaching session, both for deeper understanding and integrating the first session. I’m looking forward to seeing how things begin to shift for my client.