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Brain 1 Discussion (Dec 2020)
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33 Replies
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INITIAL POST: After the intensive, I held a Resourcing Workshop for my network of (hopefully future) clients. I’m going to reflect on that experience from a brain perspective for this post. I ran this event last minute, so it was small, but it gave me a great opportunity to share what I had learned. The people who attended already knew me, so there was already a safe connection to me, however, they didn’t know each other. We took some time to do introductions and share a little about ourselves to create connections between those who didn’t know each other. In hindsight, I’m realizing I forgot to speak to confidentiality. Next time I hold this event, I will have everyone acknowledge the importance of confidentiality and have a moment of group commitment to that to deepen the safety of the container.
During the workshop, I spent some time talking about the brain and how it functions. I used the fist as a visual aid and talked in very basic terms about what each part of the brain does. I used terms like reptilian brain, mammalian brain, and prefrontal cortex. This was enough to give them some terminology without getting too complex. I also talked about what happens in the brain when we are stressed and why we struggle to stay conscious. My focus on this part was less about the specific parts of the brain and more about why we respond the way we do and really normalizing that for my clients. This flowed well into talking about resourcing, but felt a little clunky to me. I think a little more prep and practice will polish this nicely as I was using notes instead of speaking off the cuff. I’d like to find a few people with whom to practice explaining the brain science portion of my workshop. The practice will help me gain confidence in what I’m saying so I can speak without referencing my notes.
While I had planned to bring nature into the workshop, it came in on it’s own. I had clients make a list of resources, similarly to what we did with Katie, and nature showed up for all of them. It opened the door to discussing a little of the science behind nature and our nervous systems. We talked about the nervous system attuning to the baseline of our environment and we also discussed what constitutes “nature”. I continue to find this conversation helpful. It blows peoples’ minds when I introduce the concept that everything is nature. This seems to take the pressure off those who want to connect with nature but can’t get to the backcountry, whether it’s because they live in a city or have health complications that limit them.
Something I learned about myself through this experience is that I need to continue trusting my gut when creating programs and guiding clients. I was concerned that talking about brain science was going to be too technical and overwhelming. The truth is, the feedback I received was that it was incredibly helpful for my clients to learn about the brain. I think normalizing the experience around brain function was empowering. They walked away from the workshop with a list of tools to use when they are overwhelmed. There was acknowledgement that the brain is going to do what it’s wired to do, and yet, there are also these tools we can use to get back to the present moment and re-engage our prefrontal cortex. Knowing how powerful this knowledge was for my clients, I intend to build off it when I run this workshop again in January. People will be starting New Year’s resolutions. Understanding the brain can help them find self-compassion rather than beating themselves up too much when they aren’t successful at reaching their goal. It’s also a great opportunity to offer long term coaching to support their goals in a way that they are more likely to see the need and benefits of coaching.
Thinking about the content of my workshop, I would like to pull in more about neuroplasticity and how the brain changes. I would also like to talk more about brain waves and how nature plays a role in the frequency of our brain waves. I think this may get a little too complex and may be good content for a follow up workshop, or part of a course that follows the Resourcing Workshop. I’m still playing with this in my mind and welcome any feedback or ideas you all may have.
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Initial Post
I’m going to use the context of my current coaching with Noom to talk about the concepts in Brain & Change 1. It’s easiest to talk about patterns I see with my clients as a whole in this context. For some background, I coach clients through behavior change towards healthy weight loss. The coaching agreement is established in a bit of a different way than you might with a face to face session as the client purchases a monthly subscription and every person’s is different. In the beginning of the conversation, we typically do some visioning to establish why they’re here, and why making change towards supporting their health is important to them. The coaching occurs in tandem with education in a specified separate curriculum addressing the psychology of weight loss.
The stages of change is something I rely on heavily to help me determine how to guide a client. You would think that someone who signs up for an app for weight loss is at least in the contemplation stage, but that’s not always the case. Some people sign up due to pressures from family, or other external and non-autonomous motivators. These clients tend to show very low engagement with the coach, and we eventually end up losing contact as they drop off.
Many clients who sign up are very excited and energized in the beginning and as a result will jump straight to planning. They come in with all of the ideas about what they’re going to do and how they’re going to change. As we talked about a bit in the intensive, this jump to planning is natural because it makes the process of change easy for us to understand. Planning reduces our anxiety and helps us to see what’s possible. As humans we tend to feel uncomfortable with the unknown, and so I think that’s why so many people tend to jump to planning so early on in the process. The problem here is that planning and making many changes at once can quickly become overwhelming. And that’s when they drop back down into pre-contemplation. I’ve found that this is often because they’ve bitten off more than they can chew and as a result they come to believe they ‘can’t change’, or it’s ‘too difficult to change’. And this is why it’s so important to stay in the contemplation stage for a bit. That initial energy they come in with typically isn’t sustainable over time, so with coaching we build energy, motivation, AND efficacy in the contemplation stage. So when someone jumps to planning, I often have to bring them back to the present moment (where change happens). I ask questions like, Why are these changes important to you? What are the benefits of changing versus not changing? How might your life be different after this change? What is it you’re doing right now that’s not working for you? What has worked well in the past? I’ve found the sacred questions also work well here. There are so many appropriate, powerful questions to ask here depending on the client just to get things started.
As I engage with the client in contemplation, I look for language that indicates ambivalence. Where do they have mixed or contradictory feelings? I then guide towards awareness to that ambivalence and emphasize what is going to generate energy and momentum moving forward. You’ll often see talk that favors the status quo alongside talk that favors change, and I try to highlight the latter with my reflections and questions. In this way I guide clients through the stages of change in a way that sets them up for success and generates sustainable energy. This process helps to create a solid, actionable intention for the client, which we know primes the brain for change.
Another pattern I see is in relation to low road vs. high road responses. As guides we focus on bringing the unconscious into the conscious, and this often comes up with my clients in their food and eating habits. If someone says, “I really struggle with overeating late at night, I completely lose control,” that’s when I’ll start to guide towards bringing more awareness of what’s going on at those times, essentially distilling down what the actual issue is. It could be exhaustion and decision fatigue, it could be stress or emotional eating, it could be boredom, it could just be simple habit. We start with awareness, and the practice of mindfulness – noticing when the client is in the low road. Often a first progress goal might center simply around practicing that awareness and moving into the high road on their own. I realize now that this process is also a way of creating intention for the client to practice something new.
A final pattern that I tend to see with clients relates to neuroplasticity and the Grand Canyon metaphor that Michael shared. Many people tend to get frustrated when they don’t see change happen immediately, or when they fall back into older habits, not realizing that this is entirely normal. Even their idea or image of what change looks like is pre-programmed in their brain, and something they’re having to rewire. Just the process of learning ‘how’ to change habits is creating a new mythic image of the client in which that pre-programmed misconception of change becomes something entirely new. I typically have to do a little bit of education around this bit with the client, and I’m going to start using the Grand Canyon metaphor to do this because it’s so clear! Another way I address this without necessarily explicitly educating, is to bring awareness of it with the client and use the sacred questions to guide them through it.
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Ooops, it looks like my response to you started in a separate thread. Sorry about that!
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Leslie, it’s interesting to read how you apply this in your work with body change. It makes so much sense that it begins in the brain. I can see how the way you use this would give your clients a way to feel empowered around the mindset the might use to change their bodies.
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Leslie, I really appreciated your point about clients wanting to jump to planning because it helps with the anxiety. This is something I experience in my own life and I’ve seen it in my clients too. Your points about bringing them back to contemplation to really anchor into the change before planning is so important. Reflecting on my own experiences, the times I jumped right to planning (to calm the anxiety) are typically the times that were not successful for long term change. This is something I’m going to be more conscious of in both my personal and professional work. Thank you for speaking to it.
I also like the grand canyon metaphor and use that with my clients too. It’s such a great metaphor and is so easy to visualize, which I think helps a lot!
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That jump to planning is something I see A LOT with my health coaching clients. There is often this sense of urgency for change and a huge burst of motivation and excitement in the beginning. I really have to reign them in because if I let the planning happen too early on, more often than not there’s immediate failure because we didn’t spend enough time digging into why change is important for the client and what their deeper needs are. A lot of people expect themselves to be able to change immediately because they don’t understand how the brain works. They then get frustrated and give up when they don’t see immediate change. It’s the stuff that happens before planning, evoking around the deeper need and why that helps to prime the brain for change. The burst of energy and motivation they have in the beginning quickly fizzles when things don’t go according to plan. I think it’s also part of the coach’s role to help guide a client in a way that they get a realistic view of the change process. If you’ve been engaging in a particular habit for most of your life, it’s not going to change in a couple of weeks!
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I think I need a reminder of what the grand Canyon metaphor is.
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Amber it takes a ton of courage to start teaching something you’ve just learned so quickly, and when you aren’t very familiar with it. Kudos to you for diving off the deep end with your workshop! Like you, I’m interested in working with people in coaching where I also explicitly do some teaching around the brain and neuroscience involved in the process. In my own personal growth, learning about the brain has been incredibly validating and empowering. I’d like to find a way to bring this into my coaching more, so I appreciate you sharing how you did that yourself. You’re 100% correct I think in that learning about the brain helps us to have self-compassion for our experiences. Kristen Neff’s work on the subject states that accepting the shared human experience is an important facet of self-compassion, and I think learning about the brain helps us to see our shared human experience in a new light.
To your point about listening to your gut with coaching – it’s a powerful guide. Time and again my intuition checks me (and often puts me in my place), and I appreciate how coaching has helped hone this skill over time!
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Thanks, Leslie, I’m glad my share was helpful. To be fully transparent, this is my second brain intensive (I did them out of order), so while some of it is new, there was a lot of refreshing too. I have also read and listened to several different audiobooks and podcasts over the years that talk about the brain and neuroplasticity, so that was also really helpful. Brain and change is so fascinating to me.
I’ve found that coaching has enhanced my trust in my intuition, though it’s a lesson I seem to keep learning. I’m very science brained and was raised to not trust my gut. Coaching has giving me many opportunities to test my gut and watch it’s accuracy. I usually share this by saying something along the lines of “the word that’s coming to me is ____. Does that resonate at all?” To date, I think I’ve only had one instance where a client said no, every other time it’s been a a significant part of our session.
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SUMMARY POST
My biggest takeaways from this module:
– The PROCESS of change. It’s an ongoing process that takes time for true transformative change. We are changing beliefs, perspectives, attitudes, and behaviors. These are
deeply ingrained and it takes time to form the new neural pathways.
– The brain is part of the nervous system and the nervous system is throughout our body, therefore our brain is throughout our body- mind blown!
– From reading My Stroke of Insight- we are a feeling species who thinks (not a thinking species who feels)
– Continue to trust my gut in coaching!
– Anxiety wants to push clients into planning- help them anchor in contemplation before rushing into planning so they can really think about the options, what they want/need,
what will serve them, etc. -
Summary Post
My biggest takeaway from this module was honestly in how often we take our brains for granted. We forget too easily that it’s our brain that controls literally everything we do. Taking a step back to remember that in any moment is what ultimately brings us out of the low road, and it’s this idea, ‘once you realize you’re in the low road you’re no longer there’ that has been monumental for me. Practicing this is just like exercising a muscle, and the more you work at it, the easier it gets.
I can see how practicing awareness in the present might feel uncomfortable at first because it necessitates that we stop planning and be OK with the unknowns of the future. The beautiful paradox here is that as soon as you’re focused on awareness of the moment and that who you are is simply the being observing everything going on within and without you, the anxieties of the future no longer matter anymore. If it’s something you’re not used to doing, it takes a leap of faith to start being more aware and present NOW. But there truly is no risk that I can see.
Ultimately, I feel practicing awareness in the moment is an important foundation to being able to consistently reroute and create new pathways over time.
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The biggest take-away from this class was personal. learning about what happens to the brain when it is overwhelmed helped me make sense of so many difficult times in my life. There have been so many moments where I simply could not get focused, I would get down on myself for this and it would only make things worse. I understand now that this was essentially my brain dealing with overwhelm. Now that I get it, I’m doing things differently. I’ve stopped overriding my instincts and started paying attention to what I’m experiencing in the moment. This has brought me so much more clarity in each moment. Understanding what is happening within myself also gives me a better understanding of what is happening with my clients.
Change makes much more sense to me when I can think about it in terms of what is happening in the brain. It’s more like a puzzle for me now.-
Sarah it sounds like the content in this module was very validating for you! I’ve found that in my past experiences learning about the brain and trauma, I’ve also found that it’s been the gateway for me to change how I perceive my struggles. This just shows the value that explicit education around the brain can have for clients, and how we might play a role in conveying that information is endless. You said, “Understanding what is happening within myself also gives me a better understanding of what is happening with my clients” and I strongly feel that’s one of the foremost skills in developing presence as a coach. There’s so much in the shared human experience 😀
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Sarah, it is even more validating for me to hear your experience with listening to your instincts and being more aware of what your body and spirit are saying to you. I’ve been delineating myself between whether I am doing something because of the expectations/validation of others, or whether I am doing something because it really aligns with my path. I have come up against a lot of judgment and shame in those assessments, which speaks to the continuing need to hone in and redefine what is mine and what belongs to others.
I dig the idea of looking at all this like a puzzle. I am looking at it like a historical map, tracing things back to the roots and beginnings. It’s good stuff. 🙂
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The transtheoretical model of behaviour change has been a part of my professional career since I started nursing over ten years ago. I have PTSD of very late nights finishing papers on smoking cessation and this model throughout university, I thought I’d be done with it at that point. However, it is one model that I have always relied on when assessing patients in primary care and empowering them in their own healthcare journey.
I’ve always been curious as to what motivates someone to change and where they sit on the TTM and from here how do you support people to continue their change journey. So, it has become a foundation in my client assessment and can guide coaching strategies.
There are two models I instinctively use when assessing my client’s readiness to change. The first is the transtheoretical model, I use this to assess how ready they are to change and the levels of consciousness (opportunist to alchemist). It can be assumed that a client is already at the achiever level if they are coming to coaching, realising there is more out there, and they want assistance in clearing the haze and taking action towards their goals. If the client is not at the achiever level or beyond, then it is more likely they have come to coaching because they have been directed to.
While there are tools, the leadership development profile, for assessing the client, I have been informal and using my own reading and skills to make this call. While I can only make this assessment from my current level of consciousness, I do find it useful. When directly engaging with clients for leadership development I would recommend that these tools be formally used to guide areas for work.
I find understanding my client from the perspective of these two models guides me in the client’s readiness and the language I use and ways I can help the client come to insights that will help.
Finally, when addressing goals of change, I find it useful to establish whether the change can be categorised as technical or adaptive. I found Robert Kegan’s Immunity to Change, a light bulb moment, which completely shifted my understanding of our ability and difficulty in engaging with the change process. It certainly illuminated some of my own difficulty with achieving goals that are adaptive in nature. I think the process for finding the grit and real motivation for adaptive change goals complements the TTM, giving depth and process to really understanding the client’s goals. What is the goal behind the goal? And in adaptive change what is the goal beyond this.
My experience in fleshing these ideas out is limited to my relatively few hours as the coach but as I continue to grow through the coaching experience I look forward to seeing how these three models continue to work together to support the client through change.-
Ooooo, I’m curious about this transtheoretical model. What is the range from opportunist to alchemist? I have seen a lot recently pointing to alchemy in the improvement and self-help space.
On another note, in the land of tarot, the first person the fool meets is the magician, who is really an alchemist. The magician teaches us that we can bring anything into existence by harnessing our inner creativity and awareness. 🙂
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The transtheoretical model is the stages of change, it is just how I have always known it. The only difference is in how it is presented, the TTM model present all the stages but in a spiral, very much how Michael was describing to us yesterday. The spiral and relapse are integral to the change process, I like to illustrate it for people to help them overcome the guilt, shame and frustration they feel when undergoing change, allow them the space to understand/externalise the model/process, practice kindness to themselves in the relapse and from that kindness be able to reset and try again.
And for my favourite of all models, you move from opportunist > diplomat > expert > achiever > redefining > transformational > alchemical
The opportunist is the child or someone very egotistical.
The diplomat the pleaser.
The expert knows everything and can’t be taught or receive feedback constructively. These people will often be promoted to middle management but unless they can stretch beyond their existing conscious level, they will often not last very long in the role. The model suggests we need to be challenged beyond our current capability to grow, so if open the promoted expert will move to achiever.
The achiever is a great team leader but often unable to think outside the box. More willing to grow and often people first coming to coaching/personal development will be at this level.
Redefining (individualistic) are volatile, they question everything and will often leave their roles when in this stage.
Transformational – anything is possible, they understand the organisation and people within. I would expect our cohort to be in the redefining/transformational level.
The alchemist is impulsive, much like the opportunist, but is able to see how everything comes together and how the system works. I worked with someone I would consider alchemist in nature in a project that was trying to revolutionise collaborative healthcare in Australia, so be in his presence was energising, he inspired everyone and empowered you to step beyond your comfort zone in leading and change. He could hold all the balls in the air at once and understand how all the systems between connected and worked.
Organisations want leaders in the transformational conscious level (only 1% of people are alchemists), they want to develop leaders from achiever to transformational and skip redefinition to protect the organisation.
The Global Leadership Profile provides assessments around this model.
My mentor and facilitator from my very first coaching certification is currently doing i=her PHD in developing wisdom, asking the question of how we as coaches, leaders can support people to move vertically from achiever to transformational without the unrest and pain of the redefining stage. So far this is generally accepted to be possible only through trauma or suffering in which we have to step up and be someone we have never been. She is using the GLP as a measurement tool in her research. I love how this model and inherent wisdom is applicable to all styles of coaching, we are ultimately trying to help our clients find their inner wisdom, we sit with many in the difficult periods that exist when we step across the threshold and open ourselves to
I’ve attached an article below it does use some different terms for redefining and transformational. It is far more eloquent than my crude descriptions above. I was unable to find the HBR article in which I first came across this model but this one is also good.
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Well, this is some fascinating stuff. I’ve read through it a couple of times and the stages are really fascinating. I can see elements of myself in them, elements of others. I will have to think on it more. Thank you for such a thorough introduction. 🙂
What you said about trauma is interesting, in that jumping to alchemist through the consequences of trauma makes a lot of sense. It’s a different kind of painful transformation, right? In one way, you could say that the redefining is painful and comes with its own violence, but then trauma is an entire different type of violence to the system that isn’t necessarily self-imposed like redefining is. Kind of the “leaders aren’t born, they are made” type of transformation.
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Sophie,
This sounds really interesting! Do you have any recommendations as far as books go for how to learn more about this?
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Learning about the Brain and Change has been incredibly impactful for one of my clients, A. I’ve been working with A for a few months, and we have been able to really dig into partswork, Gestalt, trauma, and change as it pertains to our brain biology. It’s been a gift to watch her grow and open up avenues of awareness within herself.
One of the most helpful tools for A has been the awareness of how the voices of her various parts are manifested in the brain as clusters of neural pathways. We’ve discussed the Grand Canyon pathways a few times, as well as how one part in particular has led to a lot of her reluctance in making changes. The idea that her more critical part had this Grand Canyon pathway in her brain was mind blowing for A. She started documenting when that part would come up, point to it, and journal what was happening for her when she noticed this cycle. Daniel Siegel discusses myelin in his Pocket Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology writing “When myelin is present, the speed of the action potential passage down the axon is 100 times faster…the time for recovery before the next firing occurs-the refractory period-is 30 times shorter.” (Siegel, 8-5) This, Siegel states, means that the potential for an axon that has fired in this manner has better functioning potential 3,000 times greater than an axon without this amount of repetition. Applying this to our automatic responses, emotional reactions, and almost subconscious behaviors, it illuminates how important awareness is in noticing and changing our behaviors.
A has described many times how she has these immediate emotional reactions to her mother, and these reactions have the potential to derail her in different ways. Siegel points out that “With awareness comes the possibility of choice and change.” (Siegel 17-5) In one of our recent sessions, A told me that she was watching her mother’s words and actions, but she was no longer riled by them in that moment. She had become an observer, as opposed to a combatant. A has made huge leaps into breaking away from what Siegel calls ‘recursive and often-destructive patterns in the attempt to avoid uncertainty.” (Siegel 17-6) The Grand Canyon pathways of certainty was the emotional reactions and guilt felt by the words and deeds of her mother. This time, A managed to break free from those patterns and step into the role of the observer. This break becomes the way in which these heavily sheathed axons can start losing that speed and religiosity with which they automatically fire when A has these moments with her mother.
I asked A what is was that was different this time, in this encounter with her mother. We did an exercise the week before where we visualized giving her mother back the emotions and actions that belonged to the mother, and not A. A mentioned that she felt that exercise helped her break away and have a greater awareness of what belonged to her and what did not belong to her. The exercise created the doorway to awareness, where A can now have clarity and more choice in making the changes she wants to make.
The more I read about our myth and ritual making, our neural makeup, and how our relationships, brain, and mind integrate for overall wellness, the more I appreciate this understanding. I’ve had a couple of instances where a little education into these ideas for my clients has made them feel less judgmental towards themselves, and more aware of wanting to make changes. In his chapter on Brain and Body, Siegel writes “When the various components of the brain are learned, we become empowered to move from being passive historians of what our brain has cooked up for our lives to being the active authors of our own unfolding brain-influences stories.” (Siegel 3-2) This is my hope for my clients, to have awareness as the ultimate observer, without judgment and shame. Once you bring the light of awareness on something, then the doors to choice open before you.
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Jen, I admire your ability to draw out the readings and apply the science/evidence in you sessions and throughout our intensives. I read a Mindsight a couple of years ago and found the book so slow, and the tone made me disengage, I found it very difficult to want to engage with the content. This was completely at odds with the content itself, I love Dan Siegel’s work and apply use some of these concepts, I ended up diving into podcasts and talks to draw out the concepts. I had completely forgotten about the firing of axons as you have talked about, but do remember reading this bit, or perhaps heard it in a talk and thinking wow.
It wounds like you client has undergone some amazing growth and been able to release those emotions and actions that didn’t belong to her, thats big stuff. We carry that fo such a long time, despite not serving us it can be very difficult to surrender it.
I’m curious how your client when triggered might avoid grasping on to her mothers words/actions, maintain her awareness, and not reengage in the ‘recursive and often-destructive patterns in the attempt to avoid uncertainty?”
“the ultimate observer, without judgement and shame”, “bring the light of awareness” well said, the concept of being able to be a witness in our own lives is so powerful and certainly opens the doors to choice.
I’m inspired to revisit Mindsight, dig it out of storage in the coming weeks.
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Jen,
WOW! A’s journey with you has been incredible. I love the idea of returning emotions back to the person that they “belong” to, and will likely start incorporating that into my own journey.
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SUMMARY – I have really enjoyed diving into the brain science and especially the consolidation that came from the Brain and Change 2 intensive (I know I’m very late wrapping up here).
Jen you have bought me new insights and I’m looking forward to integration this further and expanding my coaching through these concepts.
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Response 1 @ambermccormick
Reflecting on experiences from a brain perspective
Amber, your story demonstrates your ability in knowing your audience. When teaching, opening up space to teach about how the brain functions you used visual aid and basic terms and parts keeping it relateable – what happens when the brain has stress normalizing human responses. Thisis fantastic! Great idea practicing explaining brain science to someone before presenting. Love how trusting nature shows up in this story that almost everyone’s resourcing included nature. What was that like for you to see nature come through in that moment? I see you had an opportunity to collaborate with nature in that recognition for your workshop with the science behind nature and the nervous system. Reminding people that nature is everywhere accessible for all, not just a path in the wilderness is very moving. I love how that supports peoples nature-connection. I feel you when you reflect on trusting yourself when guiding and creating as a NCC. You’ve got this! Yes, educating about the brain is incredibly empowering. Key stuff you included was present moment and prefrontal cortex, how to partner with your own brain, being kinder, more self compassionate and when you understand the science but have the consciousness raising tools to make changes. These folks got a lot from you wonderful wise guide you are! 🙂 I think this could become a two part workshop as you mention not to overwhelm your people. Sounds fantastic though great discussion post
I wonder if you worked in any way with people’s goals. It sounds like you laid the foundation with the neuroscience principles and nature came in on its own. Was there an opportunity to perhaps write up a pdf download with prompts like a guided journey book to accompany the theme and topics you discussed? This really sounded like an insightful and practical offering and I sincerely wish you the blossoming of a fulfilling career!
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Thank you for all this wonderful, thoughtful feedback! Yes, there is tons here to elaborate on and grow with. I think I planned and pulled this off in just a few days, so I kept it simple. Since then I’ve been thinking about it more and I want to turn it into a self-paced program on my website (and perhaps and occasional live offering). I will build more into it at that time and you presented some insightful things for me to think about for it.Thank you @sul !
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Amazing! Claim it! ! ! 🙂 !
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Response 2 @Leslie
Hi Leslie,
The stages of change is a key guiding model to assess with. I was wondering just what stage a coach may perceive a client in that may not be where they are. For example you mentioned “You would think that someone who signs up for an app for weight loss is at least in the contemplation stage, but that’s not always the case. Some people sign up due to pressures from family, or other external and non-autonomous motivators.” This is very insightful. I was wondering what happens when a neural pathway is forged where a client may be in the process of change? Suppose the neural pathway is now present in the brain, can the person be in any stage of change at this point? Or once this is formed are they in the latter half of the stages of change? It seems like this is where maintenance comes in and the encouragement of the coach to recognize this shift and reassess the stages of change. I really appreciate the coaching questions you use to checkin like “Why are these changes important to you? What are the benefits of changing versus not changing? How might your life be different after this change? What is it you’re doing right now that’s not working for you? What has worked well in the past?” This also puts the power to change in the hands of the client and not in some outward external force or circumstance but truly in providing opportunity for the client to take responsibility for their change. I find the low road vs high road can be taught in a way that is scientific. For example teaching the low road reactionary behavior is the part of our brain that ensures our survival FFF response. In teaching the high road response behavior can simply be primed in a session by asking “how do you want to respond to this?” Which introduces the word respond. Or another coaching question “what outcome do you imagine happening?” In conversation this can open up emotions and potential patterns of reactionary behavior that can be explored and then invited to shift toward a high road response way of needing to be. It is a great way to clear the path for the client’s journey. Thanks for the rich discussion post Leslie. There is a lot here for me to reflect on in learning from you and how you coach.
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Initial response
This is the part of the training that felt like sorcery to me. There isn’t much difference between a magical practice and the science of the brain. So I’m having fun exploring this in a personal way. But for my coaching summary here is what I’ve gathered.
The client I worked with had an ideal trait which was they have deep connection to the natural world. I enjoyed this man noticed his receptivity to my approach. I brought him immediately into the vision council which he loved. It was as if his inner child excited his body into a perked up readiness to explore with a sense of fun. He offered a photo of a red tailed hawk he saw the day before his session with me. So I worked with that image and symbol and the meaning of it for a while. There were some other allies in his council which offered wise words that guided our session. Thank you vision council! What this client wanted was to be confident. The pandemic had triggered lots of anxiety and loss of work so this person wanted to grasp his new uncertain life somehow but fellt distracted. WAsn’t sure how to be confident. I introduced some concepts from the neuroscience principles about how the brain responds when in a stress response. Which made sense to him as he expressed needing some grounding and desire to un-numb parts of his body that felt shut down. I offered a way into discovering motivation through breath embodiment practice and awareness of shifting out of limbic and memories associated with his overall anxiety and uncomfortableness into the intention setting power of the prefrontal cortex. We worked on attitude shifts as he was feeling low vibing and negative and hopeless paired with embodiment practice. I noticed his ferocity was dimmed like a lion who couldn’t’ roar. So I invited him to push the energy I felt he was stagnant with into the wall because he said he just wanted to push this away from his life. So I said do it. Push it away right now. I offered for him to have privacy to turn off video if needed to make sound to express this frustration of his life right now. I believe this was the threshold. HE came back with more color in his face and a smile with wider eyes. HE told me he felt better. That it actually helped. Then he said he needed to shake off his fear as I asked what the was noticing. His fear I told him was also part of the stress response keeping him safe and may have painful memories attached which os the limbic system responding but that redirecting reframing his fear into focusing on what he wants instead of what he doesn’t want he started to shake off fear. SO I then invited him to shake off his fear literally at that moment. HE chuckled and felt a little awkward but I told him I would shake it off with him and that I would hold space exploration without judgment to see what this experiment yielded. He loved it. And his expressions and gestures were brighter and lighter. I then asked if what he wanted was still the right word and sentence of I want to be confident. And he said yeah but there is more. So I asked how he felt at that moment and he said he had a better grasp on things. SO I invited an I am statement to express this and he said I am capable. Which felt like a manageable step toward his confidence he concluded. To integrate and hold accountability I inquired what this meant for his life right now bringing it back to conscious intention forming and he said this could be part of his morning routine to remind himself like a mantra. I thought this was a good first session. I then checked on him later in the week about what exploring his I AM statement was revealing in his life. He reported a change in his outlook for the better. In consecutive sessions I invited the principle of choice and self responsibility into his sessions. We got to a place of choices he wanted to make around discipline to reach his goals. He found challenges along the way as some old childhood traumas surfaced which he was seeing a therapist for. I found by the last session we agreed on he wasn’t so interested in deeper core issue work. He admitted he had a rough week emotionally and psychologically and what he discovered with his therapist was that he needed to take one day at a time. So I honored and respected that boundary and the professional therapy he was integrating. I thought about his brain and how he may have had a glimpse of the planning and action he wanted to take but that it wasn’t immediately attainable made him retract into the pre-contemplation stage of change. I just wondered this and privately assessed this as to not add pressure to his vulnerable state as I thought he may be in a limbic state as we spoke. I offered a gentle way into more nature connection which was a wander that brought him into the present moment. He grabbed a coffee mug and told me it represented being in the present moment as it brought him back to his morning routine he took pleasure in.
I felt like this was a quest item in a mythical sense and wondered about his mythic image but kept that to myself as it was not the right time to explore that. But I saw the gears turning in him as he reflected what being present in his life meant. These simple things can be utterly profound and re-directive. Anyway that’s what I’ve gathered. I remind myself coaching someone is a journey and one may have enthusiasm entering a session initially then feel into how their journey is not always fun and it is work. I reflected on my role as his guide and thought about what I could’ve done differently or more or less. Sometimes as a guide I see my impulse to provide answers but that if I am to respect the clients I work with I can not get in the way of their deeper work which may look like holding a coffee mug to symbolize being present for their life. I reflect on being a sorceress and what teaches me or shows me something sacred in a wander which may produce a simple coffee mug and how that tells a client how to be more present in their journey. I consider how this may be a deeper need that comes through the mystery.
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Summary post
What I’ve been wondering is if a neural pathway is forged then that doesn’t always mean the person is in a specific stage of change does it? I can’t find it in my notes if it suddenly launches you into let’s say contemplation. Would it be that stage following a new neural path? What I’m taking away from this intensive is tremendous. I see this paticular part of NCC as a walk in the labrynth. I see my role as guide with patience and the presence needed to show up in this coaching role. I am going to make a fun playful not intimidating slide show presentation for clients so they can grasp the basics. I see this as a valuable creation for my practice. I also see the important of researching the brain on nature for clients who may want to bridge a bit more science into the spiritual reflective aspects of coaching. I see our group leans into the low road high road thinking as a teaching tool and I see the value in offering that to a client too. The mythic image journey is really interesting to me. I love archetype and myth and find it beneficial to use in my personal practice so bridging the concepts here with storytelling or finding a guiding myth for clients to work with can be a deeper layer into symbols for their learning and growth. It can be an additional way to access insight. This was really great learning thank everyone!
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Accepting that change is happening is a big step for some people. Change is, after all, constant.
I had a hard time accepting that I could be the one instituting change, and that it didn’t need to be such a difficult transition. Setting a goal, creating a plan, and having the support to institute the change are important, and I’ve learned how to work with those steps to help clients.
I learned why my method for instituting change hasn’t work. It’s a difficult process that has failed me for many years and now that I’m aware of the correct steps to take I’m prepared for actual change. I’ve begun correcting past behavior, thoughts, actions and responses that would have been second nature and replacing or training myself to have a different response.
Life would be much easier if I didn’t need to do these things and if I already knew the right way to act or be, but I’m on this journey now and I’m prepared to reach my destination.
I have learned so much during this week that it’s actually kind of hard to verbalize it, and easier to recognize it. I worked with a client during last weeks practice session that mentioned the change model. Before she even said I was thinking “This chick is in contemplation stage.”
Being a part of someone’s change and having them allow you witness their transition is a wonderful experience.
