Brain and Change 2 (Oct 2018)

[Kairon Yeng]

Initial Post

Lately I came across a documentary “Missing Links” by Gregg Braeden that there are neural networks in the heart and spoke about brain-heart synchronization that can bring about multiple powerful benefits. One of them is the stimulation of healthy happy hormones, reducing stress and helps cell regeneration. Another one which is more profound is the ability to create the reality that we are looking for in our lives. This new information gave me an understanding that it is our entire body that is fostering change as neural networks from the brain stretched throughout the entire body. Despite that, I still think the Brain is the programmer and the conscious mind has the ability to foster intentional change. Even though the Brain is the programmer, it doesn’t leave it in charge of our lives. Instead the Soul has to be leader that show up and I believe when we speak to Soul in Partswork, we are speaking to the Heart. I think it is crucial to able to provide resources to my clients to able to regulate this connection between the Brain and the Heart. According to the documentary, we only need 3 things (1) slowing down of our breath (2) feelings of gratitude, compassion and love (3) feeling the space of heart somatically to stimulate this connection. Spending 3-5 minutes in this space can give prolong results. I have tested it myself and I found this simple exercise provide profound change in how I walk through my life daily. I am curious to find out how my client will respond to this going into a session. So the following is what I had observed!

One thing I found powerfully useful in sessions is to be able give resources to my clients and letting the know that they have all they need at the present moment to work through what they need to work through. There are three resources that I will always bring awareness to my clients – nature and the surroundings, their body and then their heart. One shift I realize in my long-term client is that her intuitive wisdom came out effortlessly as we worked through her blocks. It was quick and short and her answers were definite and confident. This reminded me of what the documentary had said – the language of the heart is simple and short and doesn’t build stories around what is right and doesn’t justify our answers. I was able to observe that and I noticed how quickly after those short answers, stories start coming in for justification. This shows how quickly the brain/mind comes in to plan out the “orders” from the heart. I think this is a positive response because it shows that there is enough energy to move from contemplation to action for change. However, I could also see how quickly the plans and stories from the mind could cover up the message of the heart.

There is something else I found peculiar and interesting was my personal experience in the moment as a coach. There was an attunement and contact which made the session feel seamless, timeless and effortless. My reflections was quick and precise and my questions were powerful and short. There was a feeling of diving into the point and very little swimming around cluttering details. What I take from this is that we were connected to our hearts and we mirror each other to a similar frequency to nature.

From the many sessions that I have with this particular client, change is definitely possible and effortless if we allow and welcome change. Moving forward, I am planning a celebration ceremony with my client with her upcoming birthday end of the month. To celebrate the positive changes that had occurred for her and a newfound transformed Self. It is going to be a wonderful closure and welcoming new challenges that is coming.

[Kaity Holsapple]

Thanks for sharing, Kairon!
I am really interested in watching this documentary. I am particularly captivated by brain-heart synchronization. It reminds me of the work Heart-Math does, which I find so powerful!
I appreciate your reminder that our body is our nervous system: “This new information gave me an understanding that it is our entire body that is fostering change as neural networks from the brain stretched throughout the entire body.” That is so cool!
From my experience in similar exercises to the one you you shared, “(1) slowing down of our breath (2) feelings of gratitude, compassion and love (3) feeling the space of heart somatically to stimulate this connection,” it really can move mountains within to connect our heart with our brain!
It sounds like this heart work is not only transformative as a client, but empowering as a coach as well. From reading your words, it sounds like it brought you into an experience of resonance and connection with your client on a deep level. Thanks for sharing!

[Kairon Yeng]

Hello everyone!

Thank you for the wonderful replies and feedback from all of you. I found so much profound insights as well as I had felt deep love from each and everyone of you. I just want to start by highlighting the word “Soul” – yes, there is so many different expectations, projections, thoughts, about that word. It is another over-used words by our New Age spirituality movement. Then again, the substitute for that word is our Higher Self, our Heart and our deeper knowing just like what Mandy has suggested! I feel there is still a need to bring in that word – soul into my practices with my clients despite what definitions they might have about that word. I think that is necessary because spirituality and science has to come together where science gives a ground and template for spirituality to be understood through our rational mind and spirituality can take our understanding of science beyond the limitation of our awareness. Again, it feels like we are bridging some sort of duality here just like what we are doing with our heart and our brain. The more ways we can bridge this duality, I believe change and transformation can just unfold naturally because it is the natural order.

There is also something mysterious when the brain-heart connection is established. And this connection is definitely block when our limbic system is activated and that we are in fight or flight mode. Though, it might be worth investigating – can we still create that brain-heart connection the same time when our limbic system is being triggered? I don’t know if that could exist spontaneously within a single person at a single moment of a specific space. But as a coach, if I could hold that connection, mirror neurons might be working and that might help my client be attuned to me. And if I can’t do it, maybe nature can help us do that? I’m curious where this might go!

[Mandy Bishop]

Great reflections, Kairon. What comes up for me reading this is just the power of attunement with our clients which opens up space for us to listen deeply and without agenda or attachment to outcome (something I continue to cultivate and develop). Seems to me like there are a few different ways to speak about that place deep inside that is pure, intact, connected to truth and all things, has a knowing. We’ve been speaking about it as soul, but I think you could also refer to it as the deeper self, or heart, and it seems like it may be important to be versed in different wording and imagery for this deeper state of ourselves as some people have a holdup around the word “soul”, etc. I’m curious to check out that documentary. What you write about seems like such a simple yet powerful practice!

[Daniel Brisbon]

Kairon, so much great insight and wisdom was shared right there! And I am definitely going to look up and watch that documentary you mentioned in your Initial Post!

That quick Awareness exercise you mentioned is spot on as well. I use that same method and exercise with myself and my clients. It goes as follows:
1. Become aware of the “story” or low-road thinking and programming in the mind (i.e. thoughts or beliefs of myself or the world that are no longer serving me)
2. Acknowledge that I am “skiing” down a mental rut that no longer serves me. It is important to acknowledge this is happening without judging myself or beating myself up
3. Practice a 4 sided breath (breathe in, pause, breathe out, pause) in order to re-calibrate and center the nervous system
4. Shift my focus toward a “story” or belief or thought that will serve me towards my goal and vision for my life

This practice takes only a few minutes like you said and has great impact and change in our lives when we dedicate to practicing daily and consistently.

Also, I really enjoyed reading that you are planning a celebration with your long term client! One of the greatest things we can do is celebrate when we have it a benchmark or milestone or just moved to a better way of being within our lives. It’s not only fun to celebrate, but it also trains and reinforces this positive behavior within our lives.

Thanks so much for sharing these great insights and congrats on becoming an EBI graduate!

[Rachel Thor]

Hi Daniel!

I like your 4 part process you mentioned…
1. Become aware of the “story” or low-road thinking and programming in the mind (i.e. thoughts or beliefs of myself or the world that are no longer serving me)
2. Acknowledge that I am “skiing” down a mental rut that no longer serves me. It is important to acknowledge this is happening without judging myself or beating myself up
3. Practice a 4 sided breath (breathe in, pause, breathe out, pause) in order to re-calibrate and center the nervous system
4. Shift my focus toward a “story” or belief or thought that will serve me towards my goal and vision for my life

Based on my understanding of what we’ve discussed, “low road” is not just “old programming” in terms of a habituated belief or worldview, but limbic system fight or flight override. Are you using it here to mean old programming?

My version of step #1-2 with a highly activated nervous system sounds more like “You’re safe. You’re here now. That was then and that is different than now.” More of a somatic trauma informed approach. Or maybe those are steps that have to occur before your steps 1 and 2, which would be add-ons for the “lowest” road options. And then Step 3 of this highly activated system may Also include, besides breathing, nervous system shaking or soft tears to help the system reset.

Curious anyone else’s takes – wondering if that difference is a matter of degree (working with stronger or lesser charge in a situation) or even if it’s a bigger pattern in wiring (like the people I work with, like me, FEEL everything stronger, while other people don’t need as much feeling steps bc their wiring is more mental)? And even curious people’s thoughts on if those differences have to do with men vs women, or just individual differences.

[Daniel Brisbon]

Haha yes I was referring to my “definition” of low road thinking and not the brain based definition. Thank you for asking about that because I definitely don’t want to confuse you with my response. My definition of low road thinking can be fear-based and trigger fight or flight though.

And yes, this is an exercise I have learned that allows us to reset our mental and physical state which in turn will influence and reset our emotional state so that the client is able to drop into that place inside with more clarity and connection to Soul. Because the mental thought process we have fuels and is directly connected to our emotional state.

So in order to shift the way we are feeling then we must first understand that our emotions are fueled and kept alive by our thoughts. It has been proven that an emotional experience cannot last more than 90 seconds in our body if our mind is not fueling with more negative or undesirable thinking. So the practice of acknowledging the way we are feeling, then letting go of the story that is fueling it, and then bringing in the breath and present moment somatic practices then we can shift to the love-based state and emotions that we are seeking.

I hope this makes sense. I’m much better at verbally sharing these practices and their impact and benefit than typing it out.

[Elizabeth Wangler]

Hi Kairon,

One thing you said really jumped out: “…change is definitely possible and effortless if we allow and welcome change.” I’ve been noticing lately how some people say and believe they want to change, yet a part of them resists it because of a hidden benefit in staying the same. For example, I had one client who realized that staying stuck allowed her to avoid taking responsibility for her own life. Another recognized that changing might cause her to lose the attention she was getting by having the problem.

Like you, I’ve found that I can “cut to the heart of the matter” with more direct questions when the client is in her heart instead of her head. And, she finds an answer immediately without analyzing. Posing the same question if she were in her mind, would likely be met with defensiveness. As you say “…the plans and stories from the mind could cover up the message of the heart.”

I’m also a Braden fan. During a workshop he said that everything he teaches has to be backed by sound science or Westerners won’t believe it. He then taught that there is actually a brain in the heart and that it’s the first part of the body to develop in utero.

He’s also postulating, based on the research of an Oxford physicist and Elon Musk’s team, that it’s highly likely we’re living in a simulated reality. Not sure how that fits into this brain studies module, but the notion is certainly messing with mine!

[Rachel Thor]

Elizabeth, Re: He’s also postulating, based on the research of an Oxford physicist and Elon Musk’s team, that it’s highly likely we’re living in a simulated reality.

I’ve heard those stats from Elon and I actually find it fascinating to wonder about. While “simulated reality” is a phrase that feels weird or confusing, as soon as I think about ONE version of the way people think we’re living, it makes sense…

I know a lot of folks who believe that we have eternal souls that exist elsewhere, and come to earth (or other planets) to learn and grow, play and love. I myself am open to that. Coming here to try out a life is totally the bio-spiritual version of simulating reality. Sometimes I imaging my soul or higher self putting on goggles or going into a trance to have this earth experience. The gap between Elon’s new science and old religions are not far apart if you consider the raw experience!

Essentially, what Eastern practices have been calling reincarnation would be like… starting a new simulation. Interesting and fun to ponder for me too 😉

[Elizabeth Wangler]

Hi Mandy,

I agree with you that “soul” can be off-putting or confusing to some. Recently I’ve been inviting clients to share their term for it, which I then make note of in their file and use in future sessions. This happens during Partswork when I introduce the concept that parts can serve the soul.

I love that you highlighted “…to listen deeply without agenda or attachment to outcome.” This might be my biggest challenge, though I am getting better at it. I believe that the space we hold for our clients is the most powerful aspect, yet a part of me still wants the client to feel that they’ve received value. I look forward to fully embodying non-attachment!

[Rachel Thor]

Initial Post
I had a new client who did a trade with me – I got my hair cut 😉 – who was great practice and interesting because she immediately let me know that she “just spent a year feeling all her feelings with her therapist and did NOT want to deal with emotions in our session.” Lol.
I was very curious to work with her and we established that she wanted to start eating healthy again pretty immediately. As we started digging, I learned she had a history of swinging between extreme-healthy eating, almost to the point of disorder, and total disregard for health, and this time around she wanted to find some kind of middle road. So that was the first level of the issue that she was trying to integrate. In some ways, she was in the process of change, and had built a pattern of relapse, because she always tried to change her behavior without changing her beliefs underneath.
When we looked at what triggered each swing and what mental patterns showed up with them, she found that when she was extreme dieting, she was often beating herself up, trying to be perfect so she could be loved, and when she was eating junk food she was checked out, wanting to escape the mental attack and belief that she couldn’t be loved. It so often comes down to that, doesn’t it?
Well, because she didn’t want to go toward the feeling/experiential (which is also one of her parts/coping tools to check out), I got to spend more time explaining how the brain works.
I got to bring her attention to the root belief underneath both sides of her food swings, a desire to be loved by others and a fear that she won’t be. She also brought up her smoking habit and people pleasing tendencies and began to see how those behaviors fit the same mental pattern of beating herself up and checking out underneath.
I told her how we could come up with a food plan that fits the middle road she’s looking for, but that if she attempts to beat herself into submission to that plan, she’ll actually just be replaying her swing toward the extreme side. She agreed that we should focus on integrating the underlying mental pattern in order to find the way forward through action (deeper need).
She felt frustrated at this, because “the answer is self-love” felt so cliche and annoying. Looking further, I saw that she actually didn’t know HOW to self-love. She didn’t have great models or examples to pull from.
So we started making lists of her common pattern loops. What are the thoughts you have about yourself? What are the actions you take? What triggers those patterns? For each one she wrote down the specific common thought (ex: you’re such a loser) and the action she would take after it (ex: eat a pint of ice cream and binge watch TV). And then I asked her, if she could flip those loops to a positive loop, what would each step flip to? For example, she wants to flip “eat a pint of ice cream” to “cook myself a healthy meal”. When we got to flipping the mental scripts, this is where she really didn’t know what a loving opposite of “you never do enough” could be.
This is where I asked her if she wanted some examples, and she was really excited about that. So I started brainstorming with her. “I never do enough” could flip to “I go at the pace that keeps me healthy”. “You’re fucking up again (when smoking a cigarette)” could flip to “I’m doing the best I can right now”. etc. and so I’d offer a suggestion and she would tweak it to fit.
What was amazing is that once we started brainstorming these script flips, they WERE the deeper need, and when she heard many of them, she had visceral reactions for the first time, tears of joy and possibility that she could feel loved from within.
She kept wanting to take these and run with them. Make big giant changes all at once. But since that has been her pattern in the past, I kept inviting her to remember her want, of baby steps and sustainable change. She settled eventually on practicing script flipping when she caught herself in specific instances that are common for her, and rather than setting up a diet plan, to choose to cook one meal per week for herself while saying the self-love affirmations, and not worrying about the other behaviors yet. When we check in next time we are going to see how that’s going and possibly add more, but my guess is that her inner critic is still quite strong and we will need to spend some time nurturing a new pathway.
I get the sense that she spent a long time with her therapist learning about her “issues and patterns” and feeling shitty about them. It feels so important to bring people all the way through to feeling the deeper need so they have vision of what the pain can turn into.

[Kaity Holsapple]

Rachel,
It sounds like your client was stepping into contemplation with her awareness around finding a “middle way” that was neither extreme health eating or total disregard for health. It sounds like you explaining the brain and tuning into the limiting belief beneath her actions of fear she won’t receive the love she needs were a great method of bringing her into a deeper space, despite her resistance toward feeling any big emotions.
I appreciate your discernment in tracing beneath her “annoyance” around self-love to find that she hasn’t actually discovered how to experience and cultivate self-love. WOW!
It sounds like the discovering & flipping her default mode loops and thought processes brought her right into the deeper need! So cool.
I also love that you caught on to her desire to jump straight into action again, but encouraged her to stay in contemplation and planning for just a little longer. This may be the step she was missing in creating success for her health goals.

[Hannah Grajko]

Rachel,

I so enjoyed reading your experience with this client! I can totally picture you going on this open-ended and supportive exploration right along with her (that’s the kind of coach you are!). I found it so interesting that she had such an aversion to going into the emotional stuff after having “done that” in her year of therapy. I think you hit the nail on the head when you asserted that she “spent a long time with her therapist learning about her ‘issues and patterns’ and feeling shitty about them”. It would make a ton of sense to me that she was avoiding going into a more emotional space because she felt shame for everything that came up for her in therapy. I wouldn’t want to revisit that space again if I were her and that was my experience! But it sounds like you brought a profound acceptance into her understanding of these patterns, and I really believe that makes all the difference in creating intentional new neural pathways. It sounds to me that you are really helping her grasp on to a more sustainable model of change through the exercises you engaged in. This sounds like a session filled with “aha!” moments.

[Mandy Bishop]

Rachel,

Oh gosh, this post got me all excited! Great job!!! I totally agree with Kaity and Hannah’s comments, so will keep this brief and not repeat. But, I love how it sounds like you met your client exactly where she was at in not wanting to get emotional, and allowed the session to move into more of a teaching/learning experience, which then inevitably engaged her emotionally, but from a different angle than the road she had been on previously. I also feel that it is really important to have those teaching moments. Sometimes the neuropathways and the brain really don’t know what else is possible (i.e. self love) or what it looks like, and this is so beautiful that you could partner with her to brainstorm, almost helping her know what one could feel like or what is possible. Yay!

[David Raffelock]

Rachel,

Your coaching is so thorough and adaptive! I’m amazed by your natural ability to do this work. I love how in this experience with this client, you were savvy in doing emotional work despite her initial distaste of it. I think you had a great point about therapy. I think therapy is amazing, and I think you nailed it: that, while helping clients to illuminate patterns and come out of pre-contemplation is helpful, forward movement needs to happen and needs a clear view of deeper need to be sustainable.

[Kaity Holsapple]

Initial Post:

The session I’ve chosen to share today was an impromptu 30 minute session that came about during a yoga intensive. One of the students, Melissa, was from the UK and having a lot of family struggles at home. She has an abusive husband and very unhappy relationship where she feels trapped. She has four children who are in boarding school. The whole family is reliant on her husband’s income, which has made it very difficult for her to imagine any way to leave the relationship. She has no money on her own and feels she cannot leave without compromising her children’s education and her own financial security.
Melissa came to me to talk during one of our evening’s off, as her home dynamic was getting in the way of her ability to fully show up during the training. Our relationship as coach and client had been reinforced through our work together at the training, as well as discussing whether she’d like me to just listen or offer coaching. When she said she would like coaching on what she was going through, we found some time to sit down and chat. We stayed mainly in severance for the session, with a little threshold. It was clear to me pretty quickly that she was bridging between pre-contemplation and contemplation in various aspects.
– Pre-contemplation: She had no idea how to remove herself from the dynamic. She felt powerless in her ability to provide for herself or her family. She continues to feed into the abusive dynamic. This is partially for her safety, and partially because she truly loves her husband regardless of his behaviors. She is very caught up in telling her story and attached to her identification as the “victim.”
– Contemplation: She is starting to awaken and realize that the relationship is not healthy. She knows she wants something different, but she doesn’t know what that looks like or how to get there. She feels stuck.
In terms of Brain 2, the largest point that stood out to me with Melissa is the part of the brain that chooses what it see’s. I could see that a change in perspective could be empowering and beneficial for Melissa, but she was pretty caught up in her way of perceiving and seeing things. It was difficult to even get to Melissa’s want or need, as she kept bubbling back up to her story. I asked if she could ever imagine herself feeling differently about the situation, she had a really hard time envisioning a different way. When I asked her if we could pause from the “story” to feel what was happening on a deeper level, she seemed to shift.
In that shift, Melissa eventually identified her want as feeling safe, secure, and empowered in her life. She had no idea how to get there, so we stayed with just feeling safe here in the moment. I shared a breathing practice with her, as she began to have an experience of panic. The breathing practice was and continues to be huge for her to remain grounded.
From my perspective and intuition, I felt Melissa could use a whole lot of grounding. She seemed flustered, airy, disconnected, confused, and uncertain. We brought nature in through grounding. I guided Melissa in feeling the earth beneath her, supporting and holding her. This seemed to calm her system down.
My largest challenge with Melissa was not give advice or projecting my “shoulds.” Since I’ve had experiences in abusive relationships, it was hard not to feel attached to her leaving her husband. I could feel myself wanting to project what I thought was best onto her. I noticed this in the backdrop of my mind and was able to stay with her without giving advice or being judgmental. Melissa shared with me that it felt good to no be judged about it.
In future sessions, I’d like to work more with this powerless dynamic. I’d also be interested in exploring which parts of Melissa are in pre-contemplation, and which are in contemplation or action.

[Mandy Bishop]

Thanks for sharing about this, Kaity. Something I can relate to in your post is the client staying caught up in the story, and the difficulty of dropping into deeper territory with them. It seems like when a client is circling in their story, they are more than likely in pre-contemplation talking about what happened (often to them) and what they did or didn’t do. It seems like it isn’t until they drop into identifying what they want, but especially how they want to be (need) that they enter contemplation. I hadn’t really connected the dots fully about that relating to circular story telling until now.

I’m really impressed with your ability to read your client’s energy. I love that you asked her permission to pause and to drop a little bit deeper, brining her from the story into the present (how the telling of the story informs and effects her body presently). Awesome!

[Hannah Grajko]

Wow, Kaity, what a rich and powerful experience to read! Thanks so much for sharing; I got a lot of value out of this post. Right off the bat, I’m struck by, as Mandy articulated, how well you tracked your client in the different stages she was going back and forth through in your time together. It seems really clear that you knew just where she was starting to edge toward contemplation, and where she fell back into pre.

Something that jumped out at me in reading your post was how much it seemed like your client really did need a lot of grounding. The fact that she even started to have a panic attack during your short time together speaks to this need vividly! It is great to hear that you saw this need and were able to get her into a place of resource so quickly. It sounds to me like she would benefit greatly from a toolbelt of ways to stay grounded and away from the airy confusion of precontemplation she seems to be experiencing.

Lastly, I TOTALLY feel you on the enmeshment potential that arose in this session. I applaud your awareness in seeing the possibility of getting attached to her outcome due to your shared experiences; that feels like the most important piece for you to have in order to still show up fully as yourself while not falling prey to the “shoulding” that could happen in this situation! Awesome post, my friend.

[Kairon Yeng]

Thank for your sharing. Your session reminded me about not coming in a place of solving other people’s problem especially when there is a personal resonance of a similar problem. I sensed courage and resilience from your post where you held your role as a coach with neutrality, love and truth where you did what needs to be done for your client and also have a powerful truthful reflection about your own dynamics. Sounds like there is already healing going on and the process of transformation had already begun.

“Melissa shared with me that it felt good to no be judged about it.” I think this is a powerful feedback where a client had taken something out of the session. The changes might be subtle but I sensed that there were more going on behind the scenes. Even though she kept going back to the story level but I believe the exchange that you both had were deeper than that.

Lately, I had been contemplating about this notion,”can we speak directly to the soul?” Maybe some parts are constantly activated and maybe the roles of the parts were much stronger in certain people where they start to overpower the soul – is that why people are stuck in the story level? So how can we start to have conversation with the soul instead? What must happen on the brain level for this to happen? These are just my thoughts and they don’t necessarily had to be answered but I hope some day I will find out :).

thank you again!

[David Raffelock]

Kaity,

You brought up a lot of good points! It’s amazing how much people’s world is shaped by what they can and cannot see. This experience you shared speaks volumes to that. The victim roles, from my experience, seems to be the hardest one to move out of and move into a place of empowered choice.

I also resonate with the trap of thinking what’s best for a client. It can be so difficult sometimes to not try to guide them in a direction based on your own agenda.

[Kaity Holsapple]

Summary post:
When it comes to the brain, I am extremely curious around the interplay of high road and low road circuitry with the model of change. If we build awareness around our low-road circuits and step into a space of contemplation, we can step through the cycle of change to strengthen neuro-connections that lead to more high-road functioning and embodiment. It seems as though to me that each of our parts could have a high road and low road circuit, making this idea even more multifaceted. The largest tool I’ve found again comes back to awareness of all of these processes that occur on a consistent basis.
I am also very interested in the Reticular Activating System and how it influences our perception. A shift in perception can easily bring us into contemplation or planning, strengthen our high-road circuits, and integrate trauma. Our brain is constantly deciding what is or is not important based on our past experiences. As a coach, awareness of this has allowed me to invite my brain to filter in new input. I have trained my brain to look for new things that I may not have seen in my clients a year ago. This also encourages me out of my default “business as usual” mode and into a present-centered network where I am able to align my actions with the intention of my soul, and attract more that supports my soul’s purpose and journey.

[Mandy Bishop]

Initial Post:

My client is a woman I have been working with regularly for the past several months. She is an art therapist with a high level of self awareness. She has a deep connection to nature, and a large capacity and willingness to imagine. She is working with shifting old patterns and limiting beliefs that were encoded throughout her childhood (like all of us). She is doing the dance of creating change, fluctuating somewhere between contemplation, planning and action and then looping around again. She has an overarching goal/desire to be rooted and grounded in the present without getting pulled back into old behaviors and limiting beliefs.
Prior to the session I will write about, she had been in the planning and action stages. She had identified the new mythic image she needed to embody — a woman standing at the edge of a cliff, sure footed and centered, watching the tide go out and come in trusting that when she is in her center what she needs will come to her, and allowing herself to receive it. She had stepped into action by getting involved with a teacher at a healing monastery to further her commitment to meditation and to taking steps in a direction that her soul felt was right for her even though she couldn’t see where it was all leading. Prior to our last session, she had been feeling a sense of excitement and expansion in trusting her intuition and taking steps that she felt were right.

When she came to our last session, she was in a different state. She arrived feeling exhausted, fuzzy and confused after spending the previous 4 days visiting family. She identified that the time with her mother was triggering and pulled her off center, back into her old beliefs and old programming. She had difficulty believing the new mythic image and what might be possible. As we worked through severance in our session and began to identify these unconscious beliefs, my client identified them as fear-based beliefs coming from her family of origin, and even possibly being passed down ancestrally.

We worked with her mom, both her external relationship to her mom and the mom part that has been internalized within her. Some of the old operating system that is deeply programmed into her unconscious/limbic brain include these beliefs: “I can’t ever win”, “I am not good enough/working hard enough — I am not enough”, “You have to work hard to make something happen”, “Anything is possible, but not for me”. These are beliefs coming from mom (external and internal). When I asked her if these statements felt true, she stated that these beliefs felt like “lies”, but that she didn’t know what was true anymore and that she felt really confused. I took this opportunity for a teaching moment to explain brain and change.

I explained that these old beliefs are encoded into her unconscious brain and live in the lower limbic brain center. She is in a process of change wherein she is becoming aware of the old beliefs that no longer feel true for her, and her Pre-frontal Cortex has identified new beliefs and a new state that she would like to embody (the new mythic image). However, this new belief system has not yet fully integrated into her entire system. And when the system is deeply triggered by a stressful event (spending 4 days with mom who reinforces the old limiting beliefs) the limbic system and nervous system abort the new programming and revert back to survival mode and old programming. For the new self-image to change, the system needs to be accepting of this new potential, and her unconscious brain has not yet fully accepted this new potential.

Because this new belief system is different from the old operating pattern, her subconscious mind and Reticular Activating System are going to find evidence to prove that the old operating system is the truth (which is what happened with mom). What our work is, is to inform the subconscious that a different way is possible, that the new belief is actually possible and to increase tolerance for the new mythic image/state, thereby increasing the neuropathways associated with the new programming, behaviors and beliefs. I encouraged that you can change your brain/mind. It simply takes awareness of old patterns, embodying a new state, and consistent repetition of bringing yourself into that new state.

We did some parts work with “mom” and my client was able to ask her mom for what she needs stating, “I need softness. I need warm and slow. I need to be listened to, not told. I need to be asked how I am and what I need. I need to want to be connected with. I need to be seen.” I think through this process, my client was able to give herself what she needed and quiet her system from the fight/flight response (old operating system) that had been activated. Once she was able to reach a calmer state, she was closer to soul and her own center. From this place, I asked her, if those beliefs no loner felt true for her, what DOES now feel true?

What she said was, “My life has been a success. I have persisted in being myself despite the lack of support I have received.” I encouraged her to bring that into the present and try out the statement, ‘I am a success’. She tried that on and I could see the new state emerging from her entire body as she said “I AM A SUCCESS.” I encouraged her to stay with that and let the feeling saturate her entire body, allowing for integration to take place vertically. She described some of the feelings to me verbally, which furthered integration.

By this point in the session, we had to move into incorporation and wrap up. I think she was still in contemplation at this point, but almost as if the stages of change were a spiral and she was back in contemplation but a whole loop deeper in it. I am excited to see how this session unfolds during this next week because it feels like she had some deeper integration of the new state during this session than in past sessions.

In an ideal world, I hope to guide my client back to the new state and mythic image, and have a threshold experience there with enough time remaining to really integrate and incorporate some form of ritual that can be practiced consistently moving forward, really working to increase her system’s belief in the new possibility.

[Mandy Bishop]

Summary Post:

For me, learning about the brain has been so empowering. And I find that it is empowering for my clients as well to understand how they are wired and how change actually works. It takes change from this out of reach concept into a grounded physical possibility. It helps me to feel that there is possibility and that I have the power to change what I want. So, I want to write out my understanding of the brain and change so far, so that I can practice summarizing how it works. And also so that if I am missing anything or incorrect somewhere, y’all can let me know!

The majority of our behaviors are coming from the programming that is stored in our unconscious. Often we have experiences that have generated an uncomfortable feeling, many times from a pre-verbal age but also including trauma and grief, and this creates some of the programming of the unconscious brain and constitutes our self-image. When we try to veer off this self-image to make a change or incorporate a new belief, our subconscious mind sends signals to keep the system in line with the old habitual programming. Our unconscious mind is wired around NOT feeling the uncomfortable feeling and will fight, flight or freeze to avoid feeling this, keeping us in a loop of behaviors that are no longer serving us. It is possible to change the underlying programming, but in order to do that we have to be willing to experience the uncomfortable feelings stored with the associated limiting beliefs. By increasing our window of tolerance to experience the uncomfortable feelings often associated with core wounds, we can teach our systems that we are now safe. It generally takes 90 seconds to experience something and integrate it into the body. By touching the uncomfortable state/sensation and feeling it, you are giving yourself what you most want — to be seen, accepted and accompanied. This is the beginning of shifting the unconscious. From here it is possible to identify the new state desired to reach one’s dreams and goals. This is where threshold can be a very powerful felt experience of the new state that is possible. Whether it is the new state out of threshold, or an experience of touching the uncomfortable feeling, it is incredibly important to integrate. This can include moving the experience/belief/state into and throughout the body — from left to right hemisphere, from brain down into body, connecting to now, telling the story. This all begins to re-wire the unconscious brain. Once the new state is experienced through threshold, ritualizing the experience now becomes imperative. Ritual acts to entrain the brain to the new state, keying the Reticular Activating System into what is possible now. This can be done through words, images and feelings such as affirmations, mantra, movement, creating art. The key to ritual is that is has to evoke the same level of euphoric feelings experienced during threshold each time it is practiced in order to change the neuropathways in the brain and hack the subconscious wiring.

[Rachel Thor]

Summary Post:

When living “in the moment” with clients and knowing these brain strategies, they can feel almost magical (especially the RAS) and mythic. I love the interplay between the experiential living through change and the educational component that goes into helping a client understand their own process (especially in a way that de-mystifies and makes them more receptive to their experience).

I was lucky enough to offer some purpose-based career coaching sessions where I developed a worksheet that explains the RAS and a few psychological studies that have been done on the best ways people make complex decisions! Long story short, it’s best to use your conscious mind to take in all the info you can, then distract yourself while your sub-conscious gets to work sorting all the variables. After you’ve let both parts of your brain use their strengths, you trust the intuitive answer that you feel. it’s the message from the sub-conscious computer. You all probably intuitively know this, but if you’re interested in the studies or my write up, let me know 🙂

[Kairon Yeng]

Summary Post

Spirituality and science has to come together. I felt that they might have different language but they address the same problem. Just like how the formation of mythic image and soul language can be directly linked to what happens when the brain experience state change. Just like how synchronicity and picking up moments of flow and effortlessness could be explained by the power of the RAS. What always blow my mind is that RAS is programmable! Does this mean we can always create moments of synchronicity? I think the potential is there, and if we can do this at will – we might be as powerful as Gods? I doubt the explanation is that simplistic, rather I felt that there is a relationship between us and nature that is happening all the time. RAS and the different components of our brain of what we know could help us be attuned to that sort of relationship.

I believe with self-consciousness, we are learning to build and connected with consciousness beyond just our self. Through our senses and our brain’s nerve connections, spirit can be embodied. I found that we still have little knowledge about the potential of our brain. Imagine what else the brain could do and what other exercises can be done to enhance the capacity? And with that, what kind of reality can we shape for ourselves? Our brain is the gateway to the entire universe and it has definitely have to be connected to the heart where we are aligned back to the principles of truth, love and neutrality.

[Elizabeth Wangler]

Initial post

Following this module I’ve been much more aware of and intrigued by the RAS. I see it as a key reason why people remain stuck. I’ll attempt to illustrate what I mean through this example:

I attended a group gathering of about 40 people lead by 3 facilitators. The purpose was to co-create possibilities around a shared passion for Nature. The leader, someone I’m close to, curated the group, organized the event and invited the other two facilitators to co-create the program with her.

Early on, one of the leaders deviated from the agreed upon agenda and began sharing his own passionate plea for us to engage in Sacred Activism. He painted a dire picture of the future of humanity quoting the most recent science and imploring us to take big action. He became very loud and confrontational, even challenging the group by saying that most of our projects are not significant enough and that we need to do more.

For the next several hours, attendees responded with various reactions. Some shut down in defense mode, others fought back verbally and still others listened with open minds. The most fascinating part to me was watching the the three facilitators disconnect from one another. The activist was ready to forge ahead as if nothing had happened. My friend shared with me privately that she felt outraged and victimized, though she kept her cool in front of the room, trying to get the group back on the track. The 3rd facilitator remained nonplussed.

I was invited to join the leaders’ debrief two days later, which I attempted to facilitate. It was immediately evident that each of the leaders viewed the entire thee-day experience through the lens of their own beliefs. They each cited examples of what happened as “proof” to match their views. Their RAS’ found evidence for exactly what they believed to be true and not one of them could be convinced to view it from another perspective. This surprised me because each is experienced in leading groups.

In hindsight, I realize that I too held beliefs about how it should go, which is probably why it turned into a stalemate. I wanted the leaders to look at the experience from a macro view, to see how it mirrored what is happening in our world. I also wanted each of the leaders to truly hear what the others were feeling and to be able to take it in without judgment. I realize now that everyone was in a low road response, which made discussion impossible.

I found it fascinating and very challenging. I think I did well in making sure each had a chance to speak without interruption, but I really wanted to “fix” it, which obviously never works. As a coach, I know my primary role is to be fully present and aware of the energy so that I can guide without trying to steer. The more I can be open and accepting of whatever is happening, the greater the invitation for the partner to open too.

Since the event, I’ve had multiple chances to coach the organizer about what happened. Over ensuing months, we have gently approached the topic looking at it from multiple perspectives, including stepping into the shoes of her co-facilitators. I’ve witnessed myself learning patience and acceptance. I’ve seen her move through the stages of change. I love the metaphor we were taught about the river. In the beginning she was desperately clinging to the bank of her beliefs. Over time, she began to loosen her grip and start to play in the current, with just one hand. Recently, she phoned me, joyfully stating that she has let it all go and is ready to move on and host another gathering.

As I gradually learn to let go of concern about my abilities and attachment to outcome, the easier the process becomes. Understanding the RAS, I now see that whatever I hold to be true I will find evidence for. No wonder we were taught in the beginning to see the client as whole. That’s a powerful belief.

I’m learning to better monitor my own body sensations and to practice reading shifts in baseline. I seek to discover whether what’s arising originates within me or in the client. Intellectually I know that since we’re intimately connected as Nature, it doesn’t really matter, but I still want to grock that one. I trust that with enough attention my brain will eventually rewire to this intention!

[Elizabeth Wangler]

Summary Post

I’m working with a new client who came to me wanting to find a different career. She’s currently working with her husband on a start-up they co-founded, and it’s not going well. Their working styles are completely opposite and she feels unheard and disregarded for her contributions. On top of that, the marriage is suffering. She’s wanting to leave the business soon and the marriage eventually.

In our pre-session chat, it appeared she was in contemplation. When we met, I realized that she retreats to pre-contemplation as well. When addressing the career change, she said she can’t make a change because of money. If she leaves the existing business it will fail without her. If she stays, her husband will cause it to fail. No one will hire her because she has no proven skills, etc. She was very attached to this story and could see no way out.

I decided to offer a distraction from her default mode network by asking how she wants to feel instead. Then, when she tapped into that, I invited her to recall a memory from when she’d felt that way before. Her entire demeanor changed. She sat with her eyes closed and reported a feeling fully alive, when she was making art before she was married. An enormous shift in baseline had occurred.

Deciding to take it slowly, and to keep these neurons firing instead of the old ones, I asked if she’d like to explore her unique gifts. She was excited by that possibility. I took notes while she listed everything she could think of that was special about her. Near the end, she came up with “Sage” which seemed to be a “part.” I asked if that part had something to say and she began crying. She couldn’t speak for a long time and I encouraged her to “be” with the feeling.

Eventually, she stated that this part of her has been hidden for a very long time and that it needs to be nurtured. Time was up so we stopped here and booked another session. She reported feeling hopeful about reactivating parts that have been neglected and intends to continue to work on her list, which I emailed her after the session. We agreed that the intention of our future sessions will be to find a way to permanently rekindle this feeling she has remembered.

During all of my sessions, I find it distracting to think about what’s happening in the client’s brain in the moment. So, I use my intuition to decide what to do and, only afterward, do I begin to understand the neuroscience. Looking back at this session, I see SNAG was happening. Redirecting her from the old story began to stimulate neural activation and growth when she focused on what she wanted instead.

For the next session, we’ll start where she is at that moment, though I suspect that we’ll be able to begin where we left off. By staying unattached to outcome and present in the moment, I’m finding it much easier to “go with the flow” the more I coach. The brain science definitely helps as I consider what happened and what could be possible for the client in the future. I’m glad I’ll be repeating this module soon to understand it more deeply.

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[Hannah Grajko]

Initial post:

As others have echoed as well, I left this intensive being particularly intrigued by the concepts of RAS and ritual in the process of integration or reintegration. It was definitely helpful for me to take lots of time to discuss the characteristics of integration, and what generally happens when the process isn’t fully completed. I also really appreciated that we took a longer look into the stages of change, as that was not fully clear to me, I’m now realizing, after the first brain intensive.

An experience I had with a client not too long ago really hit on a lot of the points we discussed in this module, especially around integration and the practice of sitting with the discomfort of a situation in order to move through it. One long-term client I have, who I’ve posted about a few times here, was making an attempt to process the anger she felt for the women in her life (though she didn’t name it as anger for much of the session) for the way they dealt with their father’s anger in the past. She was feeling a lot of resentment and confusion around why her mother didn’t do more to stand up to his outbursts when my client was a child. She also ironically felt anger toward her sister for HER angry outbursts in reaction to her father’s angry outbursts. Clearly, this was a complex and unintegrated experience for my client, and she didn’t really know what she wanted out of the process to begin with.

Initially, we spent a lot of time going over the story; she spent a lot of that talking about the ways in which it was problematic for her family to have behaved the ways they did. My efforts to bring it back to her and what she was experiencing in the present moment around all of it were not very successful at first, but after a while, she was able to see that it was her emotions around it that needed to be tended to and addressed. She finally named that she felt immense anger toward the behavior of the past, and then immediately noted that she felt embarrassed and shameful for giving into similar anger that her family had experienced. It was highly uncomfortable for her to sit with that feeling for a few moments, but she did it! I kept asking her to stay present with how it was showing up in her body, and she was able to point to a fiery feeling in her chest that “felt like it was about to explode”. I asked her to keep naming how it was moving or shifting, and she was able to do that. Finally, she felt the urge to let out a big yell and move the energy out of her chest. This was a cathartic experience for her, and the lightness she experienced after was incredibly notable.

Moving forward from this mini-threshold, my client expressed that she realized just how averse she had been to feeling anger in particular, and that she wanted to work with that more. When asked if there were other places of her life where she felt anger at all regularly, she noted that it came up a lot around politics (she lives in Brazil, and we processed a lot around the election of Bolsonaro). We worked on a plan together to craft a ritual around when she noticed anger come up, in the hopes that she could get more integration around this particular emotion. Her plan was to note what movements were happening in her body when she was exposed to politics around her, and that, if she could, she would take a walk outside and find a place to jump up and down. In this way, she felt like she would be able to truly feel and accept that anger, but ultimately move it in her system when it came around. This ritual would serve as a foundation for her to start to process the stickier angry parts of her life (like with her sister and mother). I felt really proud of my client for being brave enough to move toward an emotion that was clearly very difficult for her to process. She was actively choosing to widen her window of tolerance through this practice.