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Brain and Change Two (SP 2018)
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20 Replies
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Brad – initial Post
Robert is 58 years old and one of five children. Although he is a physician with a very successful practice, he recounts being continually berated by his mother who never praised him or his four siblings. He talks about growing up under constant criticism and often feeling like a failure, even after completing medical school. In the past five years however, he has begun to examine and question these dynamics in his life and is having some success in critically examining these assumptions and the automatic feelings of oppression and shame that he has felt in the past.
He is the father of three children, the youngest of which is a 27 year old daughter who is an addict with a child. She has been in and out of treatment and most recently had a relapse that prevented her from being accepted into treatment. We discussed this briefly at men’s group that we both attend and agreed to have a more involved one on one conversation about it. He knows about my own experience with a son who is a recovering addict and my affiliation with Earth-based Institute and my desire to become a nature connected coach. We agreed to meet at a nature preserve pavilion for a coaching session.
In establishing the coaching relationship for this session, I shared with him a little more fully about my experience so far in my training and that I would not be finished until summer. I used humor to let him know that I was an “intern” and not a real “doctor”, but I looked forward to our mutual sharing and how it might benefit both of us. This certainly proved to be true.
Prior to our session, and leading up to it, I had been doing a lot of thinking about change theory. Particularly, in my own experience, monitoring and examining my own thought processes, particularly those that always seem to lead to fear and anxiety. I had begun to practice questioning my thinking and at least beginning to explore the origins.
Being a physician, Robert fully understands the mechanics of brain functioning and we began with a conversation on that topic. As we talked, he conveyed his concern over his daughter’s drug addiction and her recent binge that prevented her from being accepted into treatment. He expressed concern for her and his granddaughter and how he became very anxious and worried about the outcome. I invited him to tell me more about his fears. I began to see an emerging pattern of thinking that was fairly engrained from years of history where he felt responsible to fix or “heal” things. He even talked about his work as a physician in helping other addicts but he couldn’t help his daughter.
I asked if we could explore this thought sequence a little more. (At this point I was wondering about some long held beliefs that might be “myelinated” and habitual.) I asked him to describe the experience of his last phone conversation with her. He said that at the sight of her name coming up on the phone he immediately felt fearful, had a nervous stomach and clamminess. (I thought of the hardwired response an experience perceived as threatening can have immediately and unconsciously without awareness. I wondered if we might be able to at least unpack the fear response a little bit by consciously examining its process)
He went on to say he had received so many calls that seemed disastrous. I said, “Seemed? Or were disastrous?” He admitted that the catastrophe he imagined was always worse than the actual outcome. (At this point I was thinking about the power of the pre-frontal cortex and mindful intention to override existing programming.) So I said, “You’re thinking tends to be more disastrous than reality?” He agreed and added, “Every time so far.” I asked him to tell me more about the effects of his thinking. He talked about the negative effects it was having on his own health and particularly his other relationships. I asked him to tell me more about what he wanted for his health and his other relationships. After he described that for me, I asked, “Is your current pattern of thinking about your daughter promoting that?” He said emphatically – NO. And that it was in fact jeopardizing those relationships and he knew all the worry and anxiety wasn’t even helping his daughter. I asked, “What might you do and how might you think differently to change this experience? (At this point I’m seeing the pre-frontal cortex getting involved around mindful awareness and clarifying intention)
At this point he reminded himself that while he’s not perfect, he is not a failure (integration) and worthy of happiness in his life and relationships. I asked him to describe for me (visualization) what he felt deserving of in his life and relationships (intention). I asked what he could do with the worry and fear response to his daughter that would move him in the direction of these desired outcomes. After some brainstorming, he arrived at intentionally recognizing consciously the fear response, practicing three deep breaths to arrest the automatic response, and actively letting go of the illusion of being a fixer and trusting in a Higher Power.
I asked if something in our current landscape caught his attention – It was a limestone creek running full from recent rains. He wanted to sit there a while and rehearse this different response. We did, after some time of silence I followed with the sacred questions.
He said that the message of the stream was about flow, and the reminder that we can adjust our position to experience it. This awareness seemed to perfectly merge the idea of changing brain circuitry (neuro-pathways) and nature connectedness (stream) together.
We agreed to have a follow-up conversation in the near future.-
Right on Brad. That is awesome! I appreciate you noting the stages of self understanding, acknowledging the brain pathways/ areas of the brain. It sounds like it was a successful session. How did you feel as a coach? Have you followed up with your client?
You should be very proud of yourself. -
Awesome! What a great illustration of checking out the client’s understanding/perspective of his reality through his vocabulary. And also your understanding of checking out the fear response and guiding your client towards a creative, choice response. A really great example of helping a client move from the habitual into desired choice through your understanding of the Brain functioning. You helped him to build these new neuro pathways— to empower and “Do It Now” during the session which was beautifully mirrored by what he noticed in the land. Skillful coaching, Brad! I appreciate and second Carrie’s question of ‘what did that feel like as a coach’?
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Brad, I really appreciate they way you have described tracking your client’s response and unraveling the (unhealthy?) thought patterns that have been leading to an undesirable experience. I am someone who gravitates much more to the emotional/energetic centers in coaching sessions and this is a wonderful reminder to me to unpack belief systems and reprogram the mind for a new experience. THANK YOU!
I am curious if your own experience with your son played into this session. Were you aware of any moments where it could have interfered or projections may have emerged? Or on the other hand, did you have a sense that your own experience supporting a child through addiction was a benefit, and helped you show up as a coach in some way you may not otherwise have been able to?
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Brad,
It sounds like you were able to pick up on a series of habitual habits and bring them into the light for your client. This is great awareness for your client, as it sounds like his actions were completely on autopilot and yet it was at the expense of his true need (worthy of happiness in his life and relationships). When you asked him what he can do and he said, “intentionally recognizing consciously the fear response, practicing three deep breaths to arrest the automatic response…..” I felt that you nailed it. Your client now has a tool to help them become aware of the automatic response and take a different action. Thanks!
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As I reflect back on the face-to-face, the one thing that stands out to me the most was the exercise of locating a deer through meditation, and then walking on the land to find its tracks in the snow.
This experience gave me a tangible experience of the concepts we’ve been learning about neuroscience and how the brain works. It showed me how setting an intention works, and that surrendering to the brain’s ability to connect with and locate all information in the universe is an extremely powerful method.
Professionally this knowledge is a very empowering as it helps me to trust in the process and know that if I can guide my clients toward intention and surrender, they can locate and move towards whatever it is they are seeking, whether it is in the session, in the threshold, or in their larger life goals.
I found more than anything that this helped me with my coaching presence in my practice session, and also with a friend I was supporting.
My practice client is someone I’ve been working with for about 6 months and has been very motivated and making big strides forward, until recently. We have been working on developing his business vision, outlining his mission and services and clearly defining who he wants to serve. He hit a wall when he started sending his web content out into the world for feedback. His respected colleagues pushed back against the language he was using, and told him that his target audience wasn’t clear.
This was great for three reasons – one, because I had been trying to tell him that but it wasn’t getting through, and two, because he has such a strong intention to share his medicine, and his brain has guided him to the feedback/information he needs to do that and three, because it motivated him to start getting into market research, which I believed he needed to do, but had been in resistance to until this point. In this case it was ‘negative’ feedback, but I believe this is just part of the process. We have to hit the edges to know when we’re going off track.
As a guide I could have gotten lost in self-deprecation – oh, I didn’t prepare him well enough and now he is getting roughed up by the world. But no, this is exactly what he needs! And the way I know that is that this is where his process is leading him. Something about the brain and change 2 helped me tap into a really deep trust in the process, and the brain’s ability to guide itself to the information it needs.
So because of this I was able to hold a steady container and actually frame it as a really good thing, which initially shocked him. But he later thanked me for saying “Great!” when he had shared his “bad” news with me.
The same thing happened with a friend whose husband just got diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. They were praying for clarity on what the right course of treatment would be. I shared with her the idea that if they set their intention to locating the information they need to make the decision, and surrender to the process, that their brain would lead them to the information. It also helped me move into a field of complete trust that they would find what they’re looking for (instead of going down the shitter of fear and anxiety around their situation). I believe that holding this field of complete trust is one of the most supportive things I can do for them at this time. And whether or not I had anything to do with it, they got tons of supportive information and were able to make a decision with confidence a few days later.
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Megan,
I like that you are trusting the process and letting the client ” roughed up by the world”! I too find myself wanting to “fix” or “show” someone how something is supposed to work. But in the end, that person is going to do what they want to do anyway, and instead of looking at that as a failure on the coaches part I like how you stick to the course and let the process happen. In my post I mentioned that until there is a true need for the client to change, action will likely not happen. I believe you are saying the same – the client needs to be out in the world and experience it, and perhaps they discover a need for change on their own. That is when the change will actually happen. It has to be their idea, not anyone elses.
I also like how you discuss “the brain’s ability to guide itself to the information it needs.” I couldn’t agree more. Once the brain sees a need for change, it will start scanning and start finding things to adopt that change.
Thanks!
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You know Megan, I reflected on that very thing. Dealing with addiction and mental illness in my family certainly gives me a frame of reference for how complex those issues and the feeling that go with them are. It is such a complicated feeling dynamic of sorrow, guilt, worry, and rejection of what is now. I must be honest and say that I was aware of my own “stuff” and tendency to interpret through my lenses, and did slip into it. This may be one of those conundrums where common experience and common language can help create connection with a client, its important at the same time to hold that sacred space for difference. Make sense?
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Megan, I am really encouraged by how you are using the intention setting and visioning part of our brain change teaching. It really is a hope producing process. Helping people get engaged in their search and goal setting process and having the confidence that pre-knowledge is so much more likely to occur. I also like your willingness to allow you client to get “roughed up” and have the knowledge that it is what he needed. I think because we are caring people its tough for us to let people hurt, we want to alleviate that pain. But learning to respect it as a teacher is an important awareness for us to maintain and allow it to shape the process and the person. Very cool!
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Summary Post: Brad
Carrie and Ivy, thanks for the feedback. As an emerging coach, it really is an inspiring experience to see how the application of brain change theory can have such a positive impact on someone’s lived experience. I find myself doing a lot of extra reading in Siegel’s stuff. I read today a paper he wrote about employing mindsight concepts in leadership. How very important it is for leaders to have an intimate awareness of their interior experience and a receptivity to both their inward and outward reality. Integration lived out on the job so to speak. In all honesty, when we began our brain change studies, it overwhelmed me. I really was kind of rejecting going back to anatomy and physiology class again. I like the spiritual outdoor stuff! But now, I’m realizing personally and in coaching and just caring for people how incredibly powerful this is. If we can question the FFF response, just for a moment, we have the beginnings of creating a whole different orientation to experiences that may have inflicted fear or even trauma. It’s good to begin to see the whole among all these parts we’ve been privileged examine and share about together.
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SUMMARY POST:
Recently I’ve been reflecting on the process of bringing a vision into being. This is a core piece of my life task – to learn how to do it, to do it, and to help others do it too. There are countless webinars out there teaching people to make “$25,000 in one month”. These, in a way, are about bringing a vision to fruition. But when I listen to what these online marketing gurus have to say, it feels like a hustle to me. A chase. Running after money. This just isn’t me, but I can relate to the chase. I’ve been there.
When I was 25 I became Managing Director of a non-profit Institute for Ecological Design. When I came on board, the school was struggling to fill its programs. “Marketing” was their self-proclaimed problem. [Oh god, if I had $20 for every time I heard someone say marketing is their problem…] So… I set out to fix their problem. We created a vision as a staff, we made a plan, and we went after it. Everything was going wonderfully, or so I thought. We launch a new program, filled it to capacity, and then one day the ground fell out. I had been so fixated on the plan that I didn’t realize a key ingredient (the magic of what we were selling) was missing. Instead, the students let me know… by en masse dropping out of our 2-year program after the first semester. Yikes!
Around this time I started developing chronic/mysterious health issues and decided I needed to step away from working at the Institute. As things got worse with my health, I also became less and less satisfied with my life. I loved being a Managing Director. I loved facilitating a team. I loved teaching. I loved helping the students create a community each semester. I loved being the one they came to when they were struggling. It filled so many of my needs, and also gave me a sense of purpose every day. I woke up excited to continue moving towards realizing our vision. Without that, I felt lost.
Amidst this dark period, it was time for me to finish up my 2-year shamanic studies program. Our last task was a three night solo-walkabout on the land. We were to spend the days moving about, and pick a new site each night to camp. This was new… usually we did our solos in one space without moving. But it was time for us to step into more power, and put the skills we had learned into action.
Oh my god, it was a STRUGGLE for me. I felt lost, just like I was feeling in my life. I couldn’t make decisions, I didn’t know where to go. Even the littlest step was filled with doubt. All I wanted was to feel joy, and all I felt was a swirling cocktail of shittiness. Finally on the last morning, just before it was time to walk back to our group camp, I broke down. I cried and I prayed with such conviction. I surrendered my work to the land, to Spirit. I prayed out loud. I give up. I give it to you. I will meet you half way, but you have to show me the way. I don’t know anymore. I surrender.
A month or so later I started what would become a business that has supported me for the last 5 years. I had no idea that was what was happening at the time. I just said yes to what showed up. And that is how my business has evolved. I haven’t marketed. I’ve surrendered. I’ve allowed spirit to lead the way, and I show up half way. I meet spirit in the middle.
I am sharing this because surrender has been a big lesson for me in life, and also in this module. The mind can be a chaser or a tracker. It can fixate, or it can listen. As I reflect on my own experiences in life, I get myself into trouble when I fixate and chase. And when I go about creating from this space, what I bring into reality doesn’t end up being what I really want. As a coach and a guide, my role is to help my client bring their vision into reality. To do this, I have to surrender. To do this, I have to also hold space for them to surrender.
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Megan,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It was a real gift of encouragement to me today. I remember my own all night vigil during my passage experience about 3 years ago. I became so agitated at times that I wasn’t hearing the Big Voice from the heavens. Finally, frustrated and silent and tired of all thinking and words, just a simple prayer came to my lips – “please don’t let me miss my life”. At the time I really had no idea what that meant. EBI was a big part of what followed after that night and everyone in this family. The two deepest desires of my heart began to manifest and slowly the world around me began to shape a container for what was in my heart. Just this week (and maybe everyday if I’m attentive) more gifts have appeared that expand further my life path. And thank you for the reminder that a Power beyond ourselves knows exactly where we are and who needs us. Surrender, letting go, is the theme around which I find my orbit right now on so many levels in my life – pain, regret, guilt, purpose, opportunity, direction, self, helping others, etc. I’m really looking forward to next week. I’m coming as an empty vessel yet again in anticipation of being filled to the brim and overflowing.
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Brain & Change 2
6/14/18
Initial PostAfter going through this session, I took away the concept that our brains are aware of more than we realize in the moment. We are alerted by what we perceive as “important” but there is far more our brain is aware of in any given moment. An example of this would be sitting in a coffee shop and picking up on a conversation across the room about a topic that interests us. We can hear that conversation the whole time on a subconscious level, but only when it shifted about a topic we are interested in were we alerted on a conscious level. Our brain was previously programmed to pick up on this info, and it did in the moment. Furthermore, we can program our awareness to alert us on whatever we desire.
The ability to reprogram your brain is extremely powerful. In order to do this, there is a formula you can follow. The first step is creating awareness about the area you want to program. The second step is getting to the deeper need, and is very important. While there can be awareness about making a change, if there is no need driving it then change won’t occur. From a coaching standpoint, you can create a severance experience to discover the deeper need. The third step is the programming. This can be done with visualization exercises, words, imagery, or feelings. The fourth step is creating a ritual. This is where the rubber meets the road and practice takes place. The saying we learned “What hit broke the stone? All of them” comes to mind. It takes a consistent process of practicing to reprogram the brain. One way to “override” the brain is to create a Threshold experience this can tap into the words, imagery or feelings associated with the change and can be a powerful driving force.
This session gave me a deeper insight into how I can incorporate coaching into my work environment. I had previously been working with a staff member as a practice client, and would set aside an hour a week for a coaching session. We began discussing big picture items, like what was working in his role and what was not. What items would he like to work on more, what else would he like to explore and learn. After several months of this practice, I noticed myself getting frustrated because our conversation would turn from these bigger picture conversations to day to day “things”. We would consistently get stuck in the weeds of daily fires or other items. I felt like I wasn’t coaching anymore, but back to managing.
What occurred to me is that my coaching presence is not limited to these one hour sessions where I am “coaching” because unlike typical coaching interactions where that one hour session is the only time you see your clients, I in fact see my clients all day every day. I need to be listening for deeper need constantly and ready to jump into a session with anybody at a moments notice. This is enlightening to me because what I can do is program by brain to better lookout for coaching opportunities around me. I have realized I was stuck in thinking there was only one way to “coach” and that was by conducting hour long sessions once a week, when in fact it can be a more fluid (and natural, for me) process to always be in the coaching role. During the course of the day I can conduct business as I usually do but if I pick up on something, I can go down that road and explore what needs to explored with that person.
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Nick this post just hit home for me.
I was talking about wishing the awareness to change was enough. You talking about the stage of change just reminded me why our jobs as coaches is so important. “while there can be awareness about making a change, if there is no NEED driving it than change won’t occur. There it is- the important of hitting a need for our clients.
I also wanted to comment on what you say about “we can program our awarness to alert us on whatever we desire.” this give me a feeling of power and reminds me that we are the programmers programming our brains and our lives. We can be in charge of what we are attracting into our lives.
Thank you Nick!
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Initial Post-
What I took away from this lesson the most was the stages and process of “overriding existing programming.” Learning about how most of our actions and decisions are made out of being in auto pilot is kind of alarming. I guess I use the words auto pilot but in this course I will describe it as our non-conscious brain is what most of our actions and decisions come from. Our non-conscious brain remembers everything forever. This is kind of hard to explain in words how I understand the concept of how our brain works during change.
You know, I hear people talking about people becoming more “conscious” and at first I didn’t understand. In other words people are becoming “aware.” To me becoming aware is the first stage of change. I know for myself as soon as I am aware that there is something about myself or something about my life that needs to change than it becomes something that I can’t no longer ignore.
The metaphor I return to is, “Think of the programmer as the conscious brain.”
Braking old cycles and patterns is harder than ever. This is something that I have a challenge with. If it is me or someone around me. I wish so badly that once we become aware of something that needs to be changed than POOF there be it…. As a coach this is where I remember how important integration and long term coaching is. Old patterns never truly go away we just learn to override them with new patterns.
What comes to mind is how hard it is for people who go through addiction must be. Their unconscious mind tell them to pick up the drug or that drink.. that pain, sorrow, anger, even happiness results as an excuse to use. The habit than becomes physically addicting and their mind than tells them their body NEEDS it. How hard this must be to brake the cycle.
Something I have learned about myself and my patterns is when I need a change in my life or to completely change up my life I move, I start fresh. I don’t know if this is a bad habit or not but I know it brakes up homeostasis completely for me and it allows me to recreate new patterns. This is the only way I am able to really do so tho. So I understand how important it is to slowly go through these stages of change and not rush through them in order to not experience snap-back.
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Summary Post-
I don’t want repeat anything I just said in my initial post so I want to talk about a few things I really found important. Again this section on the brain really hits home and helped me understand how change works in our brain and how important it is to understand how our brain works to be able to track our clients and see what is happening for them.
I feel as coaches we will see a lot of snap-back and a lot of frustration from clients who don’t understand how long of a process change might take. I take it on as a personal challenge to try to be patient and be a guide for people going through change and not get frustrated myself when it is a longer process than I would like to see. Again we should not have our own agendas as coaches for our clients. It reminds me to be patient on myself and realize how important ritual is.
The power of our mind is crazy.. I recently was talking to a friend who quit smoking be being “hypnotized” at first I laughed than I became very interested in what had happened for them. I don’t know if I believe in such a thing. But I thought to myself what if the power of believing it was enough? An addiction that was physically and mentally hard to kick was done by putting a person into a state of mind and telling them they aren’t a smoker anymore. Is that all it took? Just an interesting thought I wanted to share. What happens to our brain when we slow down?
What I really took to heart form our few days leaning about the brain was the power of intention. I always said I was really good at manifesting things in my life. I now look at it different. We are attracting things into our life that we see, feel and believe with all of our being is what we want and need. I came home after this class and really tested it to the extreme. I dove in head first. I applied for a job that with all of my being new was the next step. I saw it and fully believed I had already gotten it. I than quit my job before even being offered a position at this new company… There was a three week period I thought man I really took this to the extreme and had a bit of a panic about it! I than was talking out loud to my mom and said I don’t want to pay rent….I want a new living situation where I don’t have to worry about money…my mom laughed…within tho weeks I was moving into a space where money wasn’t in the picture. Don’t worry after this I slowed down…Ok, I GET IT. My point is the power of change comes from within. Like that exercise with the snowball and the tree or going out and finding the animal tracks. It really does blow my mind!
So moving forward when I work with clients I will have this belief of guiding them to truly feeling and believing whatever it may be that they need. I will exercise this skill with them and really emphasize the power or believing and surrendering.
Again, this is the only way I can explain how I understand this lesson about how our brain works! haha also again, sorry for the delay! Jumping back into all of our lessons and finishing our online works is inspiring all over again.
Cheers friends!
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I love your post.
It is so true, for me, I can know something, or just unconsciously know and do things. Bringing it to my attention/ a full attention, I suddenly get a light bulb lit. I am able to start to look at it in a new perspective and address it accordingly. Is it something that I need to change or be aware of?
Changing those behaviors/ mindsets that are deeply ingraned and be sooo sooo hard to change. Snap backs… dang, they can hurt, but being aware of the snap back can be so powerful.I do love how you are aware that when change needs to happen, you pick up and move… that is awesome, something that I dream of doing at times.
AS they say, energy follows intention… we have the power!… Manifesting rock stars!
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Brain 2
8/1/18
Summary PostWhat I am taking away from this module is the concept that our brain is constantly looking for a better way to do things (efficiency) and seeking a way to do so. Our mind can either help or hurt this cause too, so we need to be careful what we want to “program”. Fox example, someone struggling with depression or another issue could have multiple ways to “repair” this. The brain is likely going to be seeking change because it does not want to be in this state forever. A negative way the brain could search for change would be drugs/alcohol/etc. A positive way might be mediation/nature/etc. My point in this is we have the ability to “program” this change in our brain, and need to make sure we are putting the right things in front of the brain because at the end of the day, it will seek change whether we like it or not.
Additionally, I am also taking away that my coaching presence is fluid and always moving. I feel this is similar to Megan’s three day solo where she was moving around constantly, because I’m constantly moving around (the organization) on a daily basis and may not be stopped, sitting, ready and waiting to start coaching. It’s a skill to drop into coaching in the moment, and one I look to perfect.
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Initial Post:
The brain… what an amazing structure, it goes well beyond the physical matter. I am literally in awe of all it does. And to think, we only know just a little bit about it.As Megan noted, the experience of connecting the animal and finding the tracks was beyond cool. I have had such experiences in the past… but each and every time, I am overwhelmed with amazement! I was literally speaking to myself saying “holy shit, holy shit, this is amazing” when I found the tracks rather quickly.
It proves focus and intention can bring “things” into our “fields” – “energy follows intention”.The other great thought that keeps coming back to me is the imagery of the Grand Canyon and our brain/ behaviors/ thoughts/ etc. That a thought or a pattern over time becomes the path of least resistance. It can create deep patterns, which make it difficult to change. However, with great intention and alot of work, we can change that Grand Canyon pathway and create a new pathway. However, “snapping back” to our previous behaviors is not uncommon. I have experienced this, myself, so many times. With this awareness of how the brain works and this imagery, I can now acknowledge what is happening and find myself working on creating that new path.
I have a client that I shared this analogy with a while back. At a recent session, she stated that she reflects back at the analogy and it helps her bring focus back to what she wants to change and not falling back into old habits.
Whew… it is hard to change long lived behaviors/ thought processes, etc… but it is possible. Mindfulness and awareness is key. Snap backs can work in both directions. Snapping back to old behaviors, but, you can also snap back to the new behaviors/ patterns.
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Summary post:
So, to follow up, additional thoughts…
This summer, I volunteers at the Farm Sanctuary summer camp for kids. I was a guest speaker to take the kiddos on a shamanic journey to find an animal. I use to do this regularly for a number of years, but hadn’t done so last summer or the most of this summer.
I did go and journey with the kids 2 times this summer.I always leave these sessions over joyed and energized. I love to see the little ones close their eyes and let their minds flow. To see their minds expand beyond their physical beings. When they share their experiences, it is so very cool… not to mention, hearing the experiences from the other camp counselors.
The best is receiving the thank you cards from the kids. Noting, how much they enjoyed the experience and how they didn’t realized they could have such an experience.
I may have just planted a seed for many of the kids, but that seed may continue to grow. May this be a new path they create for a greater mind expansion.
