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Partswork 2 May 2021
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19 Replies
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Since our first exposure to partswork, I’ve believed in the power of accessing ourselves in this way. I’ve witnessed how it can bring awareness and fundamentally change people. The partswork session I had with Michael during our last intensive was one of those moments of fundamental change. It was a nexus, where everything converged into a singular point before branching out on the other side. For several days after the session, I couldn’t remember what we had worked on. I knew it was something, but it was almost as if it had been snipped out of space and time, like cutting a coupon out of a newspaper. Eventually I remembered, but I had to dig deep into the memory banks to figure out that there was an introject there at one time.
During fishbowls that week, I had such profound and deep grief. I couldn’t find a source of this grief. It was my “mystery grief.” Initially, I thought perhaps it was from the ending of this program, the moving on into the great wide world. That thought didn’t seem to ring true. Daniel had a great insight, perhaps I was feeling a type of postpartum sadness after birthing a new life, of sorts, into the world. I considered his idea for a couple of weeks, but that also didn’t resonate.
Weeks later, I came to understand my grief at the end of that intensive was a literal and representative death. The death was tied to that introject. The representative death plays out in the conscious understanding and process of rearranging and growing past the introject of being “too much.” The literal death was a serrated blade severing the neural pathways around this way of being, condemning what no longer belongs to nothingness.
So this grief, this mystery grief, was a natural outcropping of the literal and abrupt severance of decades of being. And wow, what a grieving. I can’t remember a time where water fell down my face like a waterfall. Nothing could have hindered the flow of that much water, it just was. That may beg the question of why grieve for the absence of an obstruction, but I point to feel, feeling, and feelings as a response. I wrote in another post how grief illuminates what Jill Bolte-Taylor mentions in her book about the three different forms of feel. We experience all those forms in different parts of the brain, which makes grief staggeringly multi-dimensional. Anytime we have significant loss, we aren’t simply dealing with feelings. We are mourning touch, emotion, and intuition as well. The death of an introject is still a death, and it needed grieving.
Michael Singer speaks of death, saying “Death is your friend. Death is your liberator. For God’s sake, do not be afraid of death. Try to learn what it’s saying to you.” (The Untethered Soul, 162) Now his perspective in that chapter leans more toward utilizing our impending deaths as a launching point for living fully and without regret. Yet, his words ring true on a multitude of levels. Death is transformation in dreams, in the tarot, and now a transformation that allows a part to be what it was meant to be. The death of the introject was a necessary part of liberating my inner guide in moving towards the driven purpose of the soul. So necessary, in fact, that a slow death was not acceptable. Only a quick death will do.
In Changing for Good, Prochaska makes the point that there are a number of valid tools and methods for bringing about change. It’s entirely possible that I could have arrived at a similar place through a different approach. There is something raw and fundamental about partswork that lends itself to this level of discovery and transformation. Having been on the client side, I want to understand it even more than I did in the fall. The feeling of being “too much” hasn’t returned at all, not even a hint on the wind. While I acknowledge that it is a possibility, because as a science person I have to concede that it is a possibility, I can tell you that it isn’t probable. Peace out, introject.
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Jen,
I loved reading your post. What a transformation you’ve experienced! Amazing story <3 But your point about the grief of not identifying with a part of your life anymore is very insightful for us. Yes, clients may experience this as so much of the way one identifies is attached to what they want to change sometimes. Death tied to an introject is powerful! I am reminded of the cylces of grief and wonder how that applies to what you shared? When you wrote the process of rearranging and growing past the introject, do you see a connection to re-organization? Your post makes me wonder if transformation is a “part” of us all.
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Jen, this is such a special read. Thank you for sharing!
When I read your line about grieving but not knowing what for, it reminded me of a line I read somewhere, “When someone asks why you’re sad, tell them a friend died, and when they ask who, say I don’t know, they could have been a friend.”
It amazing the impact that this program has had on us, the growth that we’ve experienced and the loss that we’ve sustained at the same time.
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I agree Ally. It was a rare treat to read Jen’s post. Her willingness to share the depths of her grief is liberating.
I learned from your session Jen. It occurred to me something like this. Only when we have the courage to disintegrate, can we begin to transform and create ourselves anew.
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Jen, your post is changing something for me. I am understanding grief and death in a way I never could before. It just doesn’t make sense in the logical brain- it is much deeper than that.
I appreciate the way you illuminated the grief for a part/introject that no longer served you but was deeply ingrained.
Losing a way of being is like a death and we often want to skip to the “yay! What next?!” phase, but maybe you’re showing us that there needs to be space for the loss, even if it is a desired change.
MIND_BLOWN!
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Partswork was the piece of foreign information, a new concept and perspective that I had not yet been exposed to. I remember in partwork one feeling so discombobulated in the process and the shift it caused so big and unexpected. I love partswork! While I can easily integrate the other learnings into my coaching, I feel I need more space and attention to my own mandala to be able to facilitate partswork in others. This is something I would love to offer my community.
In partswork two I discovered other parts, but I’m still cut short trying to work out which part organises my mandala?
I’ve recently replaced my mandala on the wall, sorting through all the parts and reorganising around soul. I did so and then have reflected on some questions I have not been able to answer. This is not how my student thought this response would go…
Which part organises my mandala?
Today it was the dreamer and protector, I think they have done all along, the dreamer drawing quieter (musician, wild woman) parts closer and pushing old parts (nurse, critic) further out while the protector introjects wanting responsible safer closer to soul. There seems to be a balance between the two and now I know the protector is playing a much larger part than I realised my mandala is looking very different to when I first started with partswork. Some parts are no longer the mandala while new ones have been seen.
Which part do I default to?
I think this depends on the situation, I can be a bit of a chameleon changing to a situation needs, but ultimately, I think I spend a lot of time with the Driver and the Dreamer competing for the default. I have only just realised how much of a role the dreamer plays, she holds the vision for soul, she looks for possibility and when she and Driver are working together, they are an unstoppable force.
Which part identifies the parts?
Dreamer, she allows me to be the artist, the musician, the writer, who I want to be without judgement, while the protector thinks that they are indulgences and shouldn’t be given a bigger platform.
What would it be like to live from soul?
A part of me wants to say that it would feel similar to how I’m feeling now, grounded, centred and allowing all my parts to dialogue with judgement and introjects to, be called upon and offer up their wisdom to soul when needed. To live from soul feels authentic, connected and a reminder that the work is always ongoing.
I’m looking forward to regular work with my own mandala as I develop my offering that is centred on partswork for my clients.
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Sophie,
I relate to your experience of a little unsure how to move through partswork at first. But I see this second time around got you askign some powerful questions as I discovered in my experience as well. It’s good to know I’m not alone in learning this new tool for coaching. I love the question “which part do I default to?” I will use that in a session and for my own reflection. thanks for that one! and “what would it be like to live from soul” gave me a big sigh of relief as I read it. I see your deeper process in partswork through your post and I’m grateful for your insights and discoveries which help us all.
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Thanks for sharing this Sophie! It appears we have the same questions about our mandala/parts. Who I default to is a big question I have myself, and often struggle trying to figure out if I revert to one part or if there is another part that I’m missing.
I also have tried reorganizing my mandala a few times, it seems to help and I think mine just needs constant feng shui movement to keep the peace.
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Initial
Prior to partswork 2 I felt confused about what I was learning. Now I have way more of a grasp on this concept and am excited to go deeper into learning how it changes and adapts. I see this as a core practice for my coaching which the artist in me is excited to use creatively for myself and clients.
In My Stroke of Insight by Taylor I found some useful passages that make sense to how I understand my coaching practice at this time. I started out the NCC learning with my guiding phrase and desire “I want a brave new adventure story”. I think the people I work with want this too. Learning about how the brain functions is key but bringing that into a partswork coaching session is as Taylor describes it “tending carefully to the garden of the mind, carefully managing what goes on inside our brain.” (152).
After reading this I realized in a partswork session as a coach I need to be aware of left and right brain hemispheres and learn how that exists for the individual. What lives there? What stories are in the brain and what do or how do the hemispheres govern or perceive or create that client’s reality. To what extent? This is totally sorcery in my opinion but back to the reading 😉
I’ll paraphrase a long quote I used here.
“One of the most prominent characteristics of our left brain is its ability to weave stories. Designed to make sense of the world outside of us based on minimal amounts of info functions by taking whatever details it has to work with . Makes stuff up, generates a story line, manufactures alternative scenarios and what if possibilities.
Draws conclusions based on minimal information. Left mind expects the brain to believe it’s stories. The need to be wary of my storyteller’s potential for stirring up drama and trauma had the ability to manufacture stories as truth loops.” (151-152).
What I’ve paraphrased here gives me a clue to remember the brain will function in specific ways as it is designed to do so but with knowledge of the parts of the brain and how it works we can “tend” to it or like Michael says “hack” into it with conscious choices. I see this playing out in the partswork session. For example my client had a part that wanted to tell a story. An inner child part. I had to discern how their brain was working or what part of their brain had stored the information the inner child was telling me about. What was the storyline generated by the left brain that was the story teller in that moment of expression? I noticed this part had a specific emotion that was stirred up. So in my assessment I kept wondering what this storyteller was using as information to make sense of things. We got to the place of empowering the inner child part as wanted by the client so I then shifted my assessment and approach to noticing how they were responding to the story they were communicating.
In the chapter Own your Power I found this articulation from Taylor to be helpful which I’ll paraphrase.
The Limbic system part of the brain programs responses and if we choose to let that neural circuitry run without consciousness of the “high road” vs the “low road” reactions will loop. Now I’m not a fan of high road or low road. I feel this is a limiting concept but I suppose the point here is bringing presence by training the mind to respond rather than react. Teaching the client to observe self to notice moments of impulse to react or strong emotions and to welcome and make space for the normalness of their humanity is key in these vulnerable moments.
Noticed in my partswork session an immediate physical shift while I taught them these concepts. Their shoulders relaxed and there was a lightness in voice and willingness between parts that had conflict to resolve things through the Soul. This I believe is where resourcing comes in.
Assessing that this client’s inner child part story/story teller had triggered their limic state with memories of challenging emotions I used what I found in this reading about conscious choice. This is where I had to hold the tension of being direct but gentle as their guide. In the reading I used this quote in my session to inspire my guidance.
What choices are my automatic circuitry making? Responsibility for own life conscious adjustments throughout life (159).
Leaning into empowering the brain to come into the prefrontal cortex takes establishing safety a core competency indeed! But Once safety is established and the brain is invited to shift pathways I believe the client is forging a new neural pathway. This sovereignty as I call it in my own practice is hard for some to look at. I as coach had to discern if the clients nervous system could stay regulated as they claimed all of their story/storytelling. What is like a magic question in this moment that I’ve used is What is true? Do you want a new story? At this moment I feel the energy shift. This is the “tending to the garden of the mind” my coaching supports.
I really truly believe this is some kind of magic. I resonated with the quote becoming present involves consciously slowing down our minds (170). How do we do this as a nature connected coach? With nature as the co-guide I saw the connection to how the author in this reading used the sensory experience to drop into the here and now. Nature is the placeholder. Literally the air we are in is the invisible boundary that holds our skin in our transformation. All I had to do was invite the client to notice what that made them aware of. Magic I tell you pure magic.
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Typo: *nature as “space-holder” not place-holder
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summary
“What ideas do you have for how you might use PartsWork and nature-connected coaching in the future with your client?”
The artist part in me and the inner child part want to play with partwork out on the land. From the start of the NCC journey I have wanted to bridge my artistic expressions with innocence and play. As a dancer and seeker of embodiment practices I see using my eye for doors of possible movement to express parts out on the land or sea. I actually have a water movement practice that I envision using. I simply cannot sit and room for partswork and make it all intellectual and heady. I see the body wants movement in everyone. I have a language that sets a frame for exploring movement and partswork. I also see inviting the elements into a partswork session. For example having the client move through their partswork session and inviting the experimenting with how playing in water can show them something about their parts. Or scrying into the fire for guidance. One movement practice I have is “forest breathing” which invites you to imagine what a whole forest breathing feels and looks like. It involves movement in the spine and breath and music which takes you on a journey. There really are endless possibilities I can take partswork in. I think the only challenge is framing this approach in the beginning. The client has to be open to embodiment in partswork so I’m sitting with the communication portion of my visionary endeavors. Which part is going to help me with that I wonder?
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Summary – I’m so curious how partswork is going to evolve in my offerings, as nature will play a large part, my initial sessions would have to be in person and on the land, nature guiding the creation of mandala that can then be further worked with in person or virtually, preferably in person with further integration on the land.
First though, I need to take my own mandala outside and be guided by nature in representing what is on the wall behind me now. I wonder what I will discover, what parts may rise when outside in the wild!
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I have thought that partswork was magical from the moment that we were taught it. I love sharing the information with others and when I see someone online that seems to be struggling with a big change/decision in their life I try to explain it to them.
I tried to work on how I would explain partswork to a client that I’m currently working with but haven’t yet gotten to that point in our relationship. It’s difficult, IMO, to explain to someone that we are not just one person, but dozens/hundreds/thousands/millions of different versions of ourselves, that we all work together, or against each other, to get to a goal. Some versions of ourselves are against a goal and should be given the same amount of time and space to explain their reasoning as the versions of us that are for a goal. Our parts are extensions of who we are, they are special and carry out so much of our day if we let them.
I have fought with many parts because I didn’t want to accept and embrace them, but they were the ones that deserved the most attention. Had I accepted my “groomer” part sooner, I may have started my business sooner, left a toxic work place sooner, and enjoyed being my own boss and providing the proper care to animals sooner.
Working with my parts has also helped me determine who is actually a part, and who is an interject. Turns out, I have a lot of them. I used to feel immature or weak when I acted like a child, when I craved attention or intimacy from my husband or when wanted to cry and yell instead of just solving my problem. What I realize now is that had my upbringing been different, had these issues been corrected when I was young and vulnerable and impressionable, I may not need so much extensive work on myself, my inner child.
My inner child is roughly 7 years old. That’s when I can remember being shamed by my family and refused basic needs like bandaids (I have dermatillomania) or time with my mother. I was “gifted” toys and played sports as a way to justify not having my parents around, so I still struggle with feeling abandoned and extra needy sometimes. I don’t like asking for help because as a child I had to do everything on my own so I still assume it’s going to be the same.
Obviously things aren’t the same. I have a husband that has been so incredibly supportive and forgiving, my pets provide me with more love and affection than my mother ever did, and i have the strength to carry on. Mentally though, I’ve built up these patterns that will take time to reroute.
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Ally, I completely understand the struggle with parts. There are so many of mine I wanted to deny, only to learn that they prolonged my struggle. I really appreciate the way you describe how integrating your inner child part is showing up in your healthy expression of adulthood. This is eye-opening to me and suggests I have more work to do,
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In this session with partswork, we were able to access the oracle of nature to relay and mirror our parts back to us. I got the opportunity to work out my own parts before working with my practice client. It was monumental to see how easily I could find my own parts expressed in nature.
Through this experience, I was able to conceptualize working with my practice client in the nature space. I had a session with an existing client after the immersion in which he was able to identify his protector parts as elements in the space where we meet. As this unfolded he began to spontaneously address his biggest source of conflict and began speaking to a thorn bush which represented both his own protector and his father. He was able to clearly identify what he wanted to say (this was an identified goal of the coaching container). Once he was able to do this he began to clarify which parts of him were authentic and which parts were introjects from his upbringing.
I am amazed at the way the nature setting accelerated movement and growth in my client’s mandala.
My insight here, is that nature is the ultimate expression of parts. The earth itself, grew and developed as we do in life, in order to survive. Parts are like an ecosystem functioning in harmony and identifying threats, then coming up with different creative ways to solve them.
Wow! This was a profound realization. I now view parts as an ecosystem which has enhanced the way I am able to work with them and both for myself and my clients.
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As I reflect on the readings about the brain and synthesize this with our learnings about partswork and nature connected coaching. One of the things I realize is the nature is actually a space where the right brain- expansive, interconnected, playful, creative and innocent can harmonize with the left brain, planning, analytical, meaning making.
Even when people hike or get outside, they often engage with only the left brain, missing the magic of our connection to nature. As a Nature Connected Coach, I think we have a rare opportunity to slow down and help people rediscover the magic of their very own being. This is essentially shamanism, was I understand it.
Often times in modern life the two hemispheres of the brain are at odds. We value the left brain over the right. As a left handed- right brain dominant person, sometimes I feel that the only place I make sense is in nature.
Even completing this online program was difficult to me, I found it to be a great effort to fit my expansive understandings into a sensible container.
I now see being a nature connected coach as synonymous with my spirit work-a deeper calling to hold the space between worlds, brain, body, earth-cosmos, self-other.
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In this last immersion I understood the invitation to really up-my game as a coach. Shortly after the immersion, I left for Costa Rica, where I was invited to co-facilitate a ceremony in beautiful natural setting.
I took all of the skills with me to the jungle. The jungle took on a new meaning for me because through EBI, I learned to view myself as part of nature. So rather than being a foreign exotic place, I related to the jungle as a co-creator for the healing space I was called in to manage.
I worked with clients there who were having an immensely difficult time accepting their own nature. I understood their deep woulds of acculturation and internal colonization.
During this time, I did a nature connected coaching session with one individual who had been having a really hard time in the group. We took a wander together and I noticed he seemed to be shutting out his surroundings- deep in self-reference (left-brain). I noticed some lovely birds landing on the tree above and asked him if he saw them. I did this because he wasn’t noticing anything but his own pain- so the question “What are you noticing?” was not yet available.
Something shifted in that moment, it was as if he woke up from a dense fog and suddenly saw where he was. From there out session began to flow- he was able to identify which part of him was projecting a dense fog and a feeling of being lost. That part was a younger part- that got lost in his professional life and had been feeling lost and abandoned for many years. In the retreat space that part got to be expressed but its’ expression was woeful. When we started to notice things in nature, it was almost as if the young boy part was awakening and realizing he was not alone.
We spent the whole session just letting that part notice the sights, sounds and expressions of the forest around us.
Ironically, I did very little in that session, but my knowledge of partswork, nature connection and the brain informed my way of being – that gave me the confidence and understanding to do less. The client was different after that session, more engaged with the group and more open.
I never intended to do a nature connected session but the skill was with me when someone is in need.
What this is showing me is that, being a nature connected coach is not a suit or a hat we put on but a way of walking in the world. It is always with me and will change how I am in the world and how I relate to clients.
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I remember the first time I imagined my Mandala. It was hard for me to compose it in a 2-D jamboard on my computer. I think even sticky notes on a big piece of paper would have been difficult for me to work with at first. Instead, when I closed my eyes, I saw it so clearly, slowly spinning above my head, gently contracting and expanding. It was like an expandable breathing ball, with my parts at each of the connection points holding the sphere together. The structure was strong and sturdy, and it was also flexible and delicate. Soul was at the core of the sphere.
In Self, Soul, Spirit, we read that “It is up to each of us to identify all the parts we feel we are born with.” That first connection with my sphere Mandala above my head did not also include all of my parts with names, but it definitely revealed the power of and potential for evolution. Since that intensive, and as we worked through this second Partwork module, it has been comforting to remind myself that my Mandala will continue to evolve the more I work with and on it, and that the growth and change will take place over a number of years, not weeks or months. “Mandalas shift as we get to know ourselves better and listen deeply to the voices inside.”
As that evolution takes place, I am also reminded of the principle of Challenge by Choice (CBC). As we work with ourselves and we work with our clients, we have to remember that what feels seamless and simple for some can feel dangerous and difficult for others. We’ve talked about how one size does not fit all in our NCC course, and CBC includes the elements of creating a safe container, holding that space, and allowing for ourselves and our clients to stretch outside of our comfort zones, but not push so far as to enter into a panic zone. When we worked with each other in this intensive, there were times that our Partswork brought us to those edges. Stopping short of panic can also lead to those “ah-ha” moments that we also discussed. It’s the hard work we do from those seeds of transformation, within our stretch zones, that will lead to change.
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Summary
“Partswork invites such a rich array of points of entry into the work, and I imagine there will be as many unique mandalas as there are people creating them.” I wrote that in my journal back when we started Partswork together. As I reflect back on my time with my Cohort throughout this course, I am also reflecting back on all of our intensives, fishbowls, toolboxes, and other experiences together. We have grown so close through our uniquely shared experiences, and it still feels as if there remains an infinite amount of unexplored wilderness in the landscape of our tightly-knit group. We are all parts of a magnificent whole. Together, we have faced numerous points of entry into our practice work with one another and in our discussions during our sessions. Partswork, for me, has become more complex, layered, subtle, and powerful as a modality against the backdrop of my reflections.
There are universal aspects to our mandalas at a very high level (or very basic level, depending upon one’s point of view). Like with the stages of grief, stages of change, or even the stages of group development that our cohort experienced in its own way, the ability to label them helps make them accessible and familiar. In reality, however, there are no absolutes or right or wrong ways to live through and experience them. With Partswork, a name on a mandala can be one of several that parts can embrace, an identified strength upon a first interview can be one of several other strengths a part can realize. Just as we grow and evolve, so do our parts and our mandalas. I think I had “known” this with my head pretty early on, but the knowing I now have in my heart, after our continued work and learning together, has a new richness to it.
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