Long-Term Coaching Discussion (June 4-15, 2018)

[Kairon Yeng]

Initial Post

Background Information

This was my first session with a new practice client and it is by far the most challenging session that I ever had. She is very attuned to the subtle energies around her and has deep knowing about what her own soul’s voice. I experienced her as a big vast ocean and has difficulty landing as a droplet of water in the ocean. I knew from the beginning that I should not push any of my own agenda unto my client and was rafting through waves of the unknown. Coming from the perspective of the long-term coaching module, I knew that I need not rush my process with my client and took a lot of my time reflecting and clarifying the issues at hand. At the same time, I knew that did not have to proof anything of myself as a competent coach or a guide because it was all bout showing up totality and unconditionally for the process that is unfolding for my client. Sometimes it is frustrating to meet a process that does not seem to be able to go forward but I acknowledge that how my client moves forward is not up to me.

Into the session
I took my time establishing a safe space with my client and establishing coaching agreement. I had to explain quite a bit about what coaching is and how the kind of coaching that I was doing is any different from any other coaching program. I sensed a fear that my client is having for needing to be a certain way just because she is being “coached”. One of the thing she mentioned was, “I don’t know how to be or should be around things like this.” Not only that she has problem finding herself relating to a coach-client relationship but also in other relationships in general. I established trust and intimacy by saying that we are not here to have answers but to be in process. Also, I told her that she is in control of the session – whether it is stop or go is completely up to her.

We spent a long time swimming in discovering “What is the issue?” In the grand scale of things she felt that she doesn’t really have an issue of how she could guide her life but she was looking more of how she can actually began taking real action steps with discipline and commitments so that her vision of her desired life can come to fruition. She saw so many possibilities of her life that it overwhelms her and consequently instead of empowering her to step into the world she withdraws.

Trusting my intuition, all I did was reflecting her own wisdom as I saw that interestingly she would ask these questions of “How”s and answered them herself. I saw that the real issue wasn’t really how she could be more in the world and take necessary steps to do what she needs but actually to trust in her actions. Something feels disjointed to me and that session draws on the intention of helping my client to be connected.

Even though it feels like nothing was going much on the outside of this session, so much tracking of Gestalt, Partswork and Long-term Coaching models were going on. At some point my client thought it was futile to change and I found the opportunity to bring up things I learned from Brain and Change about the Grand Canyon metaphor.

Integrating the Process
I saw the potential for us to work together and build a coach-client relationship. However, the immediacy and urgency to bring change into her life was not strong enough for us to take into another session. One thing that I asked towards the end of the session was if she got anything out of the session. She found that it was extremely rewarding to know that she had what she needed all along. I personally found her to be someone who is self-sufficient in taking her life and what lacking was trust and support for her to believe in herself.

If I were to design a Long Term Coaching model,
I will spend the first month identifying the issue, focusing on connectedness to the soul voice and eventually build up enough energy so that an obvious deeper need can emerge. I will meet once to twice a week alternating between meeting indoors for more integrative work and going out into the land to have conscious experimentation with the deeper need.

I hope to have a powerful deeper need to emerge by the first 6 weeks of working together and from the 2nd month and to the 3rd month onwards, I would have us create rituals and ceremonies that she can do for herself to integrate her visions into this world. I see that we should be doing more body-centered exercise at this point. I believe movement based rituals can bring forth a deeper connection between the soul and the body. We would meet once a week at this point allowing for options for indoor or outdoor work depending on my clients’ need. I would also offer some experiences I have with movement based exercises.

The following months I would have her integrate herself into a community that could reflect her wisdom and creative potential again and again. One of the thing that she is yearning for was to have unconditional support and structure hat could allow her artistic creation to flourish. By having a clear relationship with her own body, mind and soul at this point, the community would put her at a test whether the internal and individual work is enough for there to flourish in the community. I see the potential for us to go back and forth between doing individual projects and communal projects.

At some point, I would like to celebrate her achievements no matter what her progress is. Being mirrored by members of her community of her achievement and progress is necessary for her to deepen the embodiment of her new self.

With Gratitude to EBI,
Kairon

[Elizabeth Wangler]

Hi Kairon. I like your phrase of “rafting through waves of the unknown” and your awareness of “…so much tracking of Gestalt…” It sounds as though you’ve become very comfortable tracking and reflecting back to the client without a need for driving toward an outcome. Yet, you are aware that there is opportunity for change and shared it with her using the Grand Canyon metaphor.

I just returned from a river rafting trip and found myself pondering how the coaching process is very much like tuning into the river. Sometimes it’s flat and slow-moving and other times turbulent and chaotic. To navigate effectively, full presence and awareness is required, just as in coaching. I saw evidence of deep crevices in the canyon walls where water has flowed many times, leaving black stains on the rock, plus some obviously newer ones where dirt and gravel had washed out of them recently. I was reminded of how much repetition is required to create new neuropathways that will elicit lasting change in the brain. Your plan to create rituals and ceremony will serve this purpose well. I’d love to know if any specific ideas for this have come to mind for you.

Watching how the river behaves as it flows over and around submerged obstacles seems very much like witnessing the effects of deeply embedded beliefs and patterns our clients hold. Sometimes the water forms eddies where boats become stalled as the current swirls around instead of flowing freely. It can require great effort to row out of them. Other times they are welcomed if the desire is to stop and regroup for a bit.

What this reminds me is that wherever my clients are in their processes is ok. I don’t have to keep pushing for them to reach the “take-out” point. I love how you accepted this with your client. You said, “I saw the potential for us to work together and build a coach-client relationship. However, the immediacy and urgency to bring change into her life was not strong enough for us to take into another session.” Perhaps she wanted to rest in the eddy for a while. I think your tact was wise given that she seemed to lack confidence in the idea of being coached, yet you brilliantly planted a seed for further investigation by asking her if she got anything out of the session. I imagine that she might continue pondering and decide to start rowing again later.

Thanks for sharing your experience. After this long-term coaching module and my time on the river, I’m feeling much more at ease with coaching and I sense yours too from what you described.

[Kairon Yeng]

Hi Elizabeth,

It is so refreshing to read your comment and your reflection seems timely with the metaphor I came out with. I love it when that happens because your direct experience just added substance to my understanding of my own process and my post.

I think if I were to go into long-term coaching with this person I would co-create rituals and ceremonies rounding tapping into that deeper need. It is because I sensed that it is there and she probably knew about it without knowing it is called the “deeper need” or the “soul voice”. I think I would take some time to help her to identify when her “soul” is speaking and when her “parts” were speaking. From there the process of identifying the deeper the need would be simpler. I would allocate a lot of time around nature with this specific client because it is where feels most at home and most connected at. Being in nature, there would be a lot of chance to experiment – making mandala-based arts using nature ingredients, immersing self in water, talking to the tree are just many of the few examples!

I like what you said about “resting in the eddies”. To me that is crucial for building up some potential energy so that the kinetic energy can follow through. It is exactly the same feeling of riding up the roller coaster building up towards the highest peak. Personally, I feel more fear and had this feeling of wanting to burst out of my seat during those moments rather than the actual free-fall. And in coaching-guiding terms, swimming in severance is exactly that. I think my session with my client would be more fruitful if I could keep showing her the “potential” and contrast that with where she is at the present moment. Eventually I believe we will sink in to the deeper need because the want is so strong that the process of “closing the gap” naturally sets in out of an intrinsic wisdom of the soul.

Thank you for your reflection again 🙂

[Brad Bankhead]

Hi Kairon,

I loved this awareness that your client shared: “She found that it was extremely rewarding to know that she had what she needed all along.” That’s a powerful awareness to acknowledge in an initial meeting. I believe you must have established a very accepting platform and container for that kind of awareness to occur. I also appreciated your imagined timeline for long term coaching. Based on what we know about brain change, its a good idea to have 3 month to integrate new ways of being and the practices and rituals that support that.

Good Job and thanks!

Brad

[Nick Galluzzo]

Hi Kairon,

I like how you exercised patience and did not rush the process. As you said, “I knew that I need not rush my process with my client and took a lot of my time reflecting and clarifying the issues at hand”. I think this showed great awareness on your part of potentially wanting to interject or control the session, but instead letting it unfold as it may.
I notice myself wanting to “keep moving” and get to the next step during a coaching session, and your post is a good reminder that your client is the one who is in control. It might take many sessions or many months to even get to this issue before the real work can begin. But at the end of the day, thats OK because you can only go as fast as your client allows. Thanks!

[Megan Theoret]

I have not had a chance to meet with a practice client since the face to face, so I am going to reflect on some past “long-term” practice clients.

I had two clients who after one free session agreed to do six sessions at a reduced rate ($40/session) for my practice period. Both of them are women in their late 50s/early 60s who were wanting help with their business goals. Both of them struggle with focus, and both of them quit after a few sessions. One person used three of their paid sessions, the other used two.

I found myself frustrated by what felt like pointless meandering in our sessions, and I think for them, they didn’t have a sense of where we were going either. I relied on the philosophy to allow the client to guide each session, and my main focus was practicing the models and tools we’ve been learning.

Now, looking back, I see how valuable it would have been to use the initial session to create a long term plan. Then both myself and the client(s) would know where we were going and I could help guide us towards the big goal and keep our sessions focused. Instead, it seemed to be on the client to bring whatever was “up” to the session, and there wasn’t much continuity or forward movement toward their big (somewhat ambiguous) goal. This also shows me how essential it is to clearly identify long term goals up front with a client.

I had another client who I worked with for many sessions and we made quite a lot of progress together. He had a clear goal: to launch a website for coaching and consulting services. So we worked towards that. Some of his feedback, and one of the challenges that came up, was the question – when are we done? He also wanted a map so that he knew how far along in the process we were, and when he could expect to reach his goal. Even though this relationship was much more fruitful, I see now how much better it would have been to create a timeline, lay out anchor points or benchmarks along the way, and make a clear destination point for when we had reached our goal of working together.

Instead of just creating a container for each session, I see now that long-term coaching requires a much larger container that spans the entire relationship. Opening the relationship, mapping the journey, celebrating success and completion are all essential to creating a powerful container, and I’m excited to start doing this with my future clients.

[Elizabeth Wangler]

Hi Megan. I love your idea: “…to create a timeline, lay out anchor points or benchmarks along the way, and make a clear destination point for when we had reached our goal of working together.” I too see the value in this. I imagine that with the destination goal, clients will be inspired to keep going when they’re tempted to quit or assume they are finished before changes are fully anchored. I admire that you are charging your practice clients. I haven’t managed to do that yet. Good idea to do the package rate.

[Kairon Yeng]

Hi!

One thing that got me thinking reading your post is, “How can I help my clients get some gratification out of each session and still honoring the natural process of growth, change and eventually achieving their goals? Also, because of how so much of moving towards a certain goal has to do with facing the unknown, how much can we as guides and coaches help our clients to understand and learn the value of processes that might take a huge time to get it down. We live in a culture of instant gratification where they want to see fast result and not necessarily have the patience to do the gruesome slow work to get where they need to get themselves to in order for them to reach their goal. This makes me thinks a lot about the purpose of Life Coaches in the society and how I could market and present myself in the way that it is promising yet not misleading.

Also, I appreciate “Opening the relationship, mapping the journey, celebrating success and completion are all essential to creating a powerful container”. I think that is one powerful thing we can offer our clients no matter what their immediate and future goals are. Maybe the most important thing in a Coach-client relationship is to bring that support of growth and transformation rather than mechanistic reaching the actual goal.

-Kairon

[Brad Bankhead]

Hi Megan,

Thanks for sharing your experience with the two clients. Something you said about laying out milestones resonates with me, along with your comment about building a long-term container. I can see that it could take a few sessions to establish a clear end goal. Building a website seems like a fairly practical outcome to get clarity about but other issues might be more difficult. However, even in addressing the challenge of getting a website up and running I imagine a lot of discovery will occur. Like, facing the challenges and set backs or lack of clarity around form or content. In other words, recognizing the hurdles that could be more intra-personal and locating the resources or “parts” that can rise to meet the challenges. Building a website, like anything else we want for ourselves will reveal our humanness and the need to find and utilize the resources of Soul. These posts are really helping me to get a sense of direction for long term coaching.

Thanks,

Brad

[Nick Galluzzo]

Hi Megan,

I share your feeling of “pointless meandering in our sessions”. I too have been in similar situations with my practice clients. I do agree with your statement about using the first sessions to make a long term plan. What would be a good outcome of coaching? How will we know when we are there? Questions like these could really create the context and help guide the sessions over time. I think this will also create more value for the client and therefore retain them. Thanks!

[Elizabeth Wangler]

Initial Post

I have not met with a client since the F2F, but do have one long-term client that comes to mind as a good example. He entered the coaching relationship with a goal of wanting to decide whether to move forward on a course of study that would take him quite far beyond his comfort zone. Many factors were influencing his decision including finances, fear of traveling, discomfort among new people, time away from work and family and uncertainty whether it would benefit his career.

In the first session I began very slowly given how vulnerable I sensed he would become. We reviewed confidentiality and the fact that I view him as whole and capable. We uncovered the deeper need which was to overcome some deeply embedded social phobias that had prevented him from stepping into unknown situations. The magnitude of this fear prevented him from making a decision and every time he approached the thought of moving forward, what appeared to be a trauma response arose.

Because he was able to identify his fears, it made logical sense to deal with them one at a time over a series of sessions. We did not discuss a long-term plan specifically at the outset, but it naturally evolved from session to session. For example, we began with finances and he developed a plan that spanned several sessions—first gaining alignment with his spouse, then working out a budget and applying for a scholarship. As he moved into addressing his fear of interacting with new people, we began closer to home, with him practicing how to branch out in his workplace and by making new friends.

A discussion of neuroplasticity, using the Grand Canyon example, coupled with partswork, helped him reinforce new behaviors and thought patterns. Gradually his tendency toward seeing himself as a victim diminished and he began redirecting his thoughts from habitual fear responses and into seeing the new possibilities and better choices.

Looking back after this module and from the readings, I believe I could have guided him into creating even more powerful rituals for himself. Helping clients design their own rituals would support them in their ultimate independence of me, while extending the coaching engagement to accomplish this. Perhaps a way to introduce this would be to start by reviewing the life aspects that support neuroplasticity listed on page 8-8 of Daniel Siegel’s Pocket Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology. Incorporating other tools and models such as the Immunity to Change exercise and more in-depth Partswork, could also benefit clients like this one.

On one occasion, this client came to a session having experienced a significant snap back. Since he could see no way to make forward progress, I guided him into reviewing how far he had come, which shifted his somatic experience in the moment. From there I guided him into creating a reward ceremony to celebrate his progress. I see now that this provided an opportunity for further work.

Educating the client even more deeply about the brain, leads to logical next steps, even if just to reinforce the progress they’ve made. As I write this I’m imagining how I can lay out a long term coaching engagement that includes education and support so that the client understands the benefit of long term coaching as a path to guiding themselves.

I’d like to find ways to logically include Nature-connection when clients are long distance. With this client, we switched from Zoom calls to phone so that he could be outside. This has been more challenging from a Gestalt standpoint since I miss the visual cues. Perhaps Nature can be incorporated into the rituals. I’m pondering this and I welcome ideas.

[Brad Bankhead]

Hi Elizabeth,

Can I begin with an observation for you? You are a really gifted writer. You convey ideas with well-chosen words such that meaningful Images are created. You are an awesome communicator. Thanks for your candor about your own misgivings about the coaching aspect of creating nature-connection. I too am struggling to make this my own. I do agree that we’ve been given a valuable “seed” in our coach training that would a shame to waste. I know in my sessions with Ryan over the phone, he often asks me to take an issue or question out on the land. The report back becomes the opening of our next session. Even saying to someone, “how would you take this outside”, “what do you imagine as a way to reflect or consider this and where”. It’s like our imagining tracks and then locating them. I’m always amazed that when I’m asked about how to create a ceremony around something – I already know. I agree with you as well on the identity or role as educator/coach = guide. BTW, I really liked your approach with your client when he became stuck, let’s celebrate the journey thus far. Just as a thought I have about long-term coaching – I wonder if I might not require some journaling associated with teaching the new techniques around sacred circle, expanding awareness, mindfulness practice, etc particularly in a long term coaching relationship. Like you, where brain change is concerned, I often think of the reverse-bicycle video and the Grand Canyon size entrenchment of self limiting beliefs and behaviors. Change may be difficult – but what choice do we have really – GROW!

Brad

[Megan Theoret]

Elizabeth,

This is such a great inquiry and one I was discussing with a friend recently – how do I get clients out on the land when most of my clients are long distance, and most of my sessions are over phone/video?

I think it’s an essential piece of the empowerment, and as you say, supporting our clients to become self-reliant in the long term. I have started asking my clients to design their own rituals or wanders, and I am wanting to continue integrating this to the point that every session ends with a “wander” of sorts. By this I mean that the client continues listening and exploring in their time between our sessions. How they do this is up to them, however it’s important to me that we get clear on what their wander will be before the end of the session. One of the tools I use is a simple explanation of what a ritual or ceremony or wander is (if they don’t already know). My favorite explanation is that it’s an intentional exercise with a beginning, middle and end. It’s almost childlike and innocent to make this sort of thing so simple, but it’s the best definition I’ve found. Anything can become sacred from this perspective.

I know some guiding and therapeutic models are more based on assigning tasks to the client between sessions – I have received this type of coaching myself. And what I’ve observed is that I never really did the exercise as it’s assigned to me. Instead I do what I want to do, and what’s most meaningful to me. I think maybe Brad is speaking to this in his response – it’s amazing what we already know about what we need. If just invited to dream up a ritual, I find that so far, all of my clients know what they want to do, even if they have no previous experience with this sort of thing.

[Brad Bankhead]

Brad – Long Term Coaching Initial Post

I’ve never had a long term client and haven’t met with a practice client since our face-to-face. However, a number of ideas have come together for me in this regard toward the end of our week and since. I’m beginning to shape a plan and timeline for how I would facilitate a long term coaching relationship. For the purposes of this post, I will refer to my imaginary client as Mike.
Mike is married and a 55- year old father of three approaching the opportunity of an early retirement and the chance to explore a different, more meaningful career opportunity – one that might be more aligned with his gifts and talents.
I would begin my initial conversation with Mike just to explore the path he has taken to seek out coaching. I might say, “Tell me how your life has brought you to this interest in working with a coach.” I’d hope to gain a very good sense of both his history and the current picture of his life. I’d feel compelled fairly early on to talk about the coaching process and how it differs from other helping relationships like counseling or working with a therapist. I might say something along these lines:
“Mike, there are some assumptions that underlie the coaching process. One of the main differences between coaching and some type of therapy is that we don’t focus on fixing anything but focus on the possibilities of the future. I think this fits well with your desire to explore different career or vocational possibilities that better fits a sense of calling for you. Also, I believe that you are creative and resourceful person and can generate strategies and solutions that will best work for you. I’m just a partner in this journey with you to help accelerate the discovery process, assist in clarifying direction and provide feedback and support in achieving your desired outcomes.” This conversation then would be the basis for establishing the Coaching Agreement or “contract” on what we can expect from one another as well as my ethical standards and values (confidentiality, trust, honesty, etc.) I think it would be also important is this “setting the stage” to talk about the nature connected aspects of our particular brand of coaching. In fact, I feel so strongly about the necessity of nature skills along with presencing and grounding skills that much of the first month would about creating opportunities to practice these awareness building skills with in the context of the desired outcomes. Help Mike to experience how these tools help him tap into his inner and outer resources and provide insight. At least 6-8 outdoor exercises and observations using the sacred questions.
As we moved into the next two months, I’d be focused on establishing trust and intimacy and bringing a genuine and authentic presence of my own. I’d remind him often that I’m committed to his success. “Mike, I’m most committed to who you are and who you are becoming. I know we have goals that we are working toward but I’m really proud of how you show up each time. I know I’m asking you to stretch a bit and that’s uncomfortable but you bring a lot of courage.” I’m sure by this juncture there has been a lot of reflection, checking for accuracy and perhaps challenging a few assumptions and incongruences. By now, we have no doubt experimented with threshold, held a few ceremonies and rituals and forays into the sacred circle.
As we get into the middle months, I’m guessing we are moving below just words as ways of knowing to more of this kind of interaction:
“Mike, this may sound a little off the wall, but hang with me, as you said that I had a vision of ……….. Does that hold any meaning for you? What might that have to say concerning our conversation today? Is there some meaning here related to our end goals? OK, might there even be another perspective that this image holds?”
As we move into the last couple of months, it’s time to re-clarify our desired outcomes. “Mike, have our targets shifted at all. If so which ones? Let’s get real clear about those bullseyes we are aiming at.”
“You know, as you just described that dream job, you used some powerful words and your energy level jumped about 4 octaves! What was that about? What seems to becoming clearer to you? What more do you need to know about that? What are the next steps to moving in that direction?”

Finally, in the last 4 weeks, it’s really about designing the culminating actions and check-ins relative to securing that meaningful opportunity. “Mike, who else might be able to connect us with people already working in that field? What’s your timeline for making those connections? Let’s go over your timeline for the job search. How can I best support you in these final days? What tools will serve you best moving forward? How can I support you after we reach the end of our formal coaching agreement?”

[Megan Theoret]

Hi Brad,

I really appreciate the way you’ve imagined a long-term relationship. I am struck by the spaciousness of the first portion, which I love. I love creating space and room to build the nature-connection, which will then become the foundation of the rest of the relationship. I have been contemplating this as well, and how to create room to create this connection if someone doesn’t already have this going in their life. I’ve thought about creating an introductory video course that provides foundational tools to every client before we start working together. Or maybe it could be a free video course that comes with a long-term package. Or a free series I give to prospective clients to help them determine whether we are a good fit. Lots of ideas to ponder… thank you for the inspiration to revisit this.

[Elizabeth Wangler]

Summary Post

Long-term coaching sparks new ideas for how I can make a greater difference. Often, I’ve been frustrated with one-on-one coaching, feeling that it has a very small impact in the bigger picture of making a difference on the planet.

The reason I joined EBI in the first place was because of the Nature connection, not so much an interest in coaching, though I could see how coaching skills apply to everything. Since joining, I’ve been energized and inspired by the power of coaching but unsure how I might employ it.

Now that I see how I could engage someone for a series, doing less seems almost irresponsible. Knowing that real change requires ongoing work and reinforcement. I liked Megan’s idea of starting with a parts mandala. Another idea would be to present neuroscience. I definitely see the value in bookending the coaching with some education up front and some reinforcement tools on the back end.

By starting with education on the front end, it would establish a common language and provide the client with resourcing tools from the beginning. If they understand what it will take to change at the outset then perhaps they will understand the value of long-term work. Offering further support once they’ve attained their goal, might be a way to segue into an even longer engagement. If the client understands that the goal is to anchor their change and gain tools for self-reliance then I believe they may be more likely to accept a long-term engagement in the beginning.

All of my practice clients were with me for multiple sessions. I believe they all would have benefited from an upfront description of a longer-term view. I offered them more than one session when we began, but did not outline how a series would be more beneficial than each one as a stand-alone. Looking back after this module, I’m surprised that awareness of a long-term coaching overview never occurred to me.

Knowing that a client will be with me long-term might make it easier to weave in Nature connection beyond in Threshold. I frequently suggest Nature connection practices, but it has seemed like an aside. With a longer runway, the client could be encouraged to develop their own ways to integrate Nature into their lives. Plus, we know from the abundance of scientific research that, “Merely being in nature for brief periods—or even simply having it in our view—can reduce the stress hormone cascade and improve immune defense.” Your Brain on Nature, pg. 27.

My practice clients have all been long-distance with one-hour sessions via Zoom. I’m imagining multiple ways that Nature could support them more fully when we work together long-term–especially if the session length were increased to 90 minutes from 60. Or, by asking the client to connect with Nature in some way before arriving at the session. Depending on the client, some may appreciate “assignments” outside of the sessions and others may prefer to do all of their work together with me.

Though I see the benefit of creating a vision for long-term coaching engagements, I also understand the need for flexibility, and including the client in development of their unique plan. While long-term coaching lends itself to holding a “trail map,” I want to remember that sometimes a richer experience results from following intuition instead of the map. AND, that the journey is just as important as the destination.

[Brad Bankhead]

Long-term Summary Post – Brad

I just got off the phone with a fellow facilitator in a Men’s Rite of Passage event we are putting together for the Fall. I found myself saying to him on the phone how important follow-up with participants is after observing a passage. I recall my own week-long intensives or 11-day questing experience. Even, our week-long face to face experiences are often filled with new awareness and a ritual or two to “seal the deal”. And though we commit ourselves to phone follow-up, even that’s hard to persist in for me. I recognize my own need for coaching beyond the “ahah” moments. And so, a calling begins to take shape as I think about facilitating seminars, retreats, passages, etc. The vessel that holds the passage (separation/severance, threshold and incorporation becomes the template for continued coaching. Understanding brain change as I currently do, both from an educated professional perspective, but more importantly from a personal day to day struggle to supplant old patterns of belief and behavior I can see how long-term coaching can accelerate the reality of living a a more authentic, original life of Soul. And, I can see how the tools that we’ve been given, and others yet to learn, can be taken from the tool bag and utilized to assist clients along their path toward desired outcomes. And so, from the intensive focus on long-term coaching, a model begins to emerge for me that feels like a fit. I really appreciate what my colleagues have shared in these posts as it has been so helpful in shedding light of the path of my journey.

[Megan Theoret]

SUMMARY POST

I love the long-term coaching model, so much so that I’ve lost interest in working with people short term or for single sessions. At this point I think single sessions are more appropriate as follow up support after a long-term agreement has concluded. It also seems exhausting to try to sell people on one or a few sessions at a time, and through the course of this discussion I can see how it’s also a disservice to the client. I can’t really support them in their goals within just one session – maybe I can help them have an aha moment and create a plan for next steps. But given what we’ve learned about how long it takes to create change, and the way that most issues are tied to core issues, it doesn’t seem like a very good use of my or my client’s resources to do a session here or there. I would rather work with people who are really committed to a deep process and want help holding a container for their long-term vision. That is what I love to do, and in my view a more powerful way to work.

I have been thinking through my own lead cultivation models, and how to get clients enrolled in my long term coaching programs. I’m well into the process now of designing two group coaching programs, which will include group classes and gatherings as well as one-on-one coaching. In thinking through all of this, and things like the time commitment and the cost, I’m realizing that it is a big ask to meet someone off the street or internet and hope they will signup for a thousand plus dollar program at first contact. So instead I’m looking at creating a free webinar to explain the program, the coaching model and the way in which I work. Then I want to offer a free coaching call after the webinar – maybe 30 min – for people who are still interested. On this call we will get into their personal goals and whether or not the program is a good fit for them. I think doing this will help build the momentum to them registering, and also build their trust in me. It will also setup their expectations and help them to understand that nature-connection is not a sidebar but a core element of this work. This will help me attract the right clients and also get them in the mindset to start working with nature.

Perhaps after someone enrolls I will send them a video mini-course for starting to develop their nature connection practices before the program begins. I may include some mandala creation exercises as part of this.

I am also looking at when and how to identify core issues within the arc of the program. Is this something I just go straight after in the beginning? Or do we let it emerge through the course of our sessions? The jaguar in me is more interested in letting it emerge, and I think that is ultimately what I’ll do. I’ll program my RAS to be looking and tracking it, but won’t pounce on it until the time is right : )

Ultimately I want to let the natural cycles of nature guide the flow of the courses, and allow the medicine wheel to move us from inception to completion.

[Kairon Yeng]

Summary Post

I think as a coach it is very fulfilling to see how client changes through a period of time, how they pull through the evolutionary path of their brilliant Self and staying in the ongoing process of transformation. Long term coaching offers a very creative opportunity for the both of us on a collaborative journey to create the vision that the client want to see happen. Knowing this, I would want a coach that could keep me accountable through a specific process. And knowing that as a coach I could provide such support, it brings a sense of fulfillment to the practice itself.

Because long-term coaching model is a model, it should serve as a map and not be confused as the terrain itself. I felt that as human beings we are very caught up in the planning and visioning phase of anything and get stuck at the action phase. I hypothesize that it may be because of the fear of making mistakes, meeting the imperfections, and not following the “plan”. And because of that, there is the other extreme of having no groundwork or blueprint and just taking steps spontaneously. Either way, as a coach I would have to recognize those tendencies in my client and alter the model through countless of revision.

I am excited to be working with a client in a long-term coaching model. Now the persisting question leaving me is – how I can bring in client to do that work with me?

[Michelle Pruden]

Kairon- I can relate and totally agree with what you say about getting caught up in the planning and visioning phase and that get stuck at the action stage. We can get so inspired and excited about change and the future but than action take a little more pushing and courage. And if you fail once or more you get stuck in the action phase thinking you will fail… This is very important as a reminder while moving forward to know your clients patterns and what they are up against so you can create a plan that is right for them..

[Nick Galluzzo]

Long Term Coaching
7/30/18
Initial Post

What ideas do you have for how you might use Long-Term Coaching and nature-connected coaching in the future with your client?

A big takeaway for me in leaving this intensive is the concept of the compass and the four directions. In our organization, we have people of different ages, different backgrounds, different experiences and therefore looking for different things in fulfilling their life. I now see it as my role as a coach in this organization to be paying attention (listening) to this as it could be a “deeper need” for them. Where each person is situated on the compass is important to know.

For example, we have a newer staff member who has just recently graduated from college and this is this is his first “real” full time job. From the compass standpoint, he is in the east, the spring, at the birth of his career. He is optimistic, eager to learn, and willing to help with anything. From me as a coach, I need to be mindful of this and create the space to let him try and learn, and even fail. The phrase “you don’t know what you don’t know” comes to mind and is very true for this individual so I need to be a coach and help him see things he may not otherwise have seen. Helping this individual grow should be a priority for me as a coach.

Another individual in our organization is the south, summer part of their career. He has been with us for several years now, confident in his abilities and knows his role and doing well at it. He has “found his groove” in our organization and enjoying the ride. As a coach knowing where he stands on the compass, my coaching technique will be slightly different than with the individual in the east. For this individual, encouragement and coaching around what he is looking for next come to mind. Is this person looking for more roles or responsibilities? Where do they see themselves going? Is there anything about the role they wish to change/modify? As a coach I should be helping this individual craft the job around them so they have a sense of enjoyment and fulfillment.

A third individual comes to mind, as this person is in the west, the fall. While this person has been with us for several years now, they are also middle aged and held different roles in different organizations. A little bit of rebellion comes to mind, and questions his current role and what he wants to do going forward. I tend to have more issues with this individual and it’s related to where they stand on the compass and in their career. My coaching towards this individual needs to be tailored towards is this job the right fit for them or not. This individual has had several years in the role, so it’s time to look back and see how it’s been going? Is it working for him? Doe he enjoy it? Is it working for us (the organization)? These questions will either guide him down a path that stays with us long term, or compels him to make a change or work for another organization. Either way is fine as long as it’s what he sees as best for himself.

Finally, a fourth individual in our organization is in the North, in the Winter part of his career. He has worked for several organizations during his time and held numerous roles. At this point, he is no longer chasing titles, status, power, money etc. He has had some or all of this over the years and now is searching for a culture and a “home” to retire at. This individual has wisdom and shares with myself and other in our organization, including the individual I discussed previously who is young and in the east. My coaching presence towards this individual is much different and I cannot take the same approach as with the others, because it will not work well. Carrying a coaching presence of “training” or “growing” this individual like I do with the individual in the east could come off completely wrong, or even insulting. This individual has “been around the block” already, and has seen and done things. My coaching presence needs to honor that and support whatever chapter he is seeking next. My coaching also needs to empower him in how can we use his knowledge to help the organization as a whole.

I think it’s important for the organization to have individuals that are all in different parts of the compass simultaneously so the spectrum is covered completely. It is my job as the coach to help these individuals keep moving around the compass to continue their growth and continue to feel fulfilled.

[Heber Howard]

Nick, seems like such incredible insight for you to be able to pay attention and to work on this level for people that your interact with daily. This seems like a much different approach and possibly even different skill set then working one-on-one in a coaching session with someone once a week. It seems like learning to see where people that you interact with regularly are in this model would provide you so much information in ways of engaging in helping to direct these people. This seems much more subtle and possibly challenging approach than having a one hour session once a week. The former seems to be more based in relationship and mentoring whereas the latter seems to necessitate more educational approach.

This reminds me a lot of the work that I do. I live with a couple of guys that deal with challenging mental illness but I’m not there therapist. A lot of my role is what my boss calls relational medicine which requires me to take what I’ve learned from Naropa and EBI and integrate it more into my every day interactions. In this way I feel like I need to deeper relationship with the ideas because I’m not just using them during one hour sessions.

One of the hold and work with all these different processes and places that people are in sounds challenging but must be extremely rewarding.

[Nick Galluzzo]

Long Term Coaching
7/31/18
Sumamry Post

After reading through the discussion, I am learning there is a balance between guiding the coaching sessions while simultaneously maintaining the “flow” of the session and letting the client guide it. What occurs to me is that in the first session or two, there needs to be a big picture discussion and perspective set. Discussions about goals, milestones, longevity, etc need to be laid out so there is a clear roadmap to follow. Then after all the prep-work is complete, you can start diving into the details of the issue (or issues) and start breaking them down. Otherwise, as Megan discussed, it could be “pointless meandering” without a clear direction of where to go and what to do.

For myself, I see a need to create some context and prep-work with the staff/clients I will be working with. What are we up to? What do you want to be up to? Whats possible? When will we know we are there? What are you up against to get there? How long should we have these sessions? These type of questions can help lay the foundation and point the sessions in a direction that starts creating value for the client.

[Michelle Pruden]

Nick I agree with having a bunch of questions to help lay down the foundation like you said. Really help create an idea of what does it look like? what do we/you want it to look like? What does the process look like? what can we foresee getting in the way? What is the timeline?

I feel really discussing and getting into the details and what they’re up against really makes it reality for someone.

[Michelle Pruden]

Initial Post-

Why is long term coaching important? I feel like after understanding how our brain works during the process of change and how snap-back occurs with out ritual it is obvious the importance of of long term coaching. I feel like during most my sessions it takes awhile to get to the deeper need. You really have to build up to get down to someones deeper need and this alone can take a few sessions. Something that I keep in mind to is walking side by side with your client and going at their pace. We have to remember that change will not happen over night, and that there is no agenda on our end for our clients. Something that I keep in mind is things I have worked on and I am still working on, how many times I experience snap back, or times I have a good coaching session that right after ignore it till it gets brought back up… this is where the importance of having a coaching agreement with a person is very important.

We all understand that long term rituals creates change. They really need to be clear on what this looks like. Find out what they’re up against, what the story is that they have written for themselves. Where do their doubts and negative thoughts come from? What does their support from the outside world look like? We’re mapping out a change process for them. A change process that doesnt happen as fast as anyone likes….

[Heber Howard]

Michelle, I appreciate your perspective of really needing to take more than one session to find the deeper need and find out what the client is up against. Until this module, I was feeling a little disillusioned with the idea of coaching or therapy. It often felt like I would have a session and go through a feel-good experience, feel excited, then completely forget about it until next time and not really have anything to show for it. Best case scenario, I might think about the experience occasionally and maybe I would think about my issue in a new way. On the other hand, if I brought an issue that I felt very unclear I would often just end up swimming about in confusion and uncertainty. The idea of long-term coaching and creating a coaching agreement brought back my faith in coaching. Like you said a change process never happens as fast as anyone would like.

[Michelle Pruden]

Summary Post-

Something that I am most excited for is to watch clients, and people I work with with or even friends and family go through times of change and growth. I feel now that I have learned not to have my own agenda for clients (which took me a while to to truly feel) which has allowed me to feel like I can meet a person where they are. I know from expierence that it may take years to change, years to come to a final ah ha moment! But when it happens we get to be there to guide them through it.

A map that was given to us during this class is also very helpful in helping someone create a map of change. 1- what are you committing to?? 2- What are you doing or not doing that is helping you get to this goal?? 3-Competing commitments 4-Big asssumptions. Being aware of what your client is up against is important to only us as coached but more importantly for the client.

After our clients become aware of what needs to change it is a long process. It is important to make sure the deeper need really hits home for them. After we set an intention we are able to paint a picture, have them really feel/see/embody this new reality. Than we are able to set milestones for the next 1-6 months even 12 months, whatever the agreement is. The coaching plan is what is important to make an agreement with one another to commit to the future.

Long term coaching in my eye now is guiding people back to their soul. Through partswork I learned how long this might take. After having a coach and going through this program my wish to always have someone around to help guide or coach me. If only!

[Heber Howard]

Initial post

I came into this module without any idea what it was really going to be about. Quickly, I found this module very helpful. I appreciated this module so much more than I expected. It felt like this was the heart and soul of true coaching. The ceremony we learned at the beginning always felt rushed and like there was way too much to process to dive into in one session. Learning a little bit about more about how to spread the ceremony process out over many sessions felt like what coaching was meant to be. It was especially useful to learn the ins and outs of change and what to expect about working with a client on one issue for many months. For this reason learning about the stages of change and learning to expect there will be a relapse and being able to describe and normalize this process for client is extremely helpful. This helps the client know that they are still on track instead of beating up on themselves for getting off track and gets them back on track quicker.

It was also really interesting to learn about four directions. It seems really useful to understand where a person is in their process and normalize the desire to be in a different part of the process. For example understanding that person is in the place of having ideas just getting inspiration for change that person often wants something that is very important to them to have an certain identity and had no idea to get there because they haven’t figured out the first step yet. I find it interesting that often people moving from one of the direction into the next in the cycle struggle to get to the next stage and instead often regress to a previous stage that was more familiar. For example the East is all about creativity, birthing ideas, and deciding what your future holds. The next step is to the South which is characterized by practice and play. However, in order to practice and play with something one has to really pick something and start putting the work to learn the skill they have set out to learn.

I also really appreciated learning about the diagnostic test for immunity to change. This is the set of questions designed to bring about more understanding about the change a person is trying to make. It asks questions like: what are you committed to, what are you doing or not doing that is keeping you from realizing your commitment, what are you competing commitments, and where those big assumptions that are getting in the way. This is a great set of questions to bring about some deeper understanding and help a person make some realizations and possibly some changes.

I thought it was really interesting learning about setting up a treatment plan for a client and setting out milestones so you end the client have an understanding of where they are in their journey. Recently, a therapist friend of mine came to me seeking some advice about a client. The client is seeing him for help finding a girlfriend. He feels frustrated because he has been seeing my friend for over a year and doesn’t feel like he is making any progress. My friend is very good working with things coming up in the present moment by getting people to be present with their emotions. The client is described as a very intelligent person that has made a career in the sciences but basically lives and his head. Due to struggling with connecting to his feelings and getting caught up and his desires and anxieties he is very depressed has trouble making friends and finding a romantic relationship. It also sounds like he is dealing with some developmental trauma. My friend realizes that the way for his client to get through this is to connect with his emotions and begin to heal some of his trauma. He says he sees progress in his client but unfortunately his client doesn’t feel like he is making progress and says that he needs to start seeing progress if he is going to continue therapy. My friend feels like he is at a loss about how to help his client feel like progress is being made. I instantly thought of long-term coaching. I told my friend to write out more of a treatment plan and to put in mile markers for his client to be up to track his progress. To me this seems like a kind of client that long-term coaching is most useful for. Some people find great benefit in going to a coaching or therapy session every week but for others, specifically those that require concrete evidence, they need to know they are making progress in some way. My friend thought this was a great idea and seemed very eager to take this to his client.

[Heber Howard]

Summary Post

A big reason I got into the world of psychology and coaching is that I’ve always wanted to be a support for people with whatever they’re struggling with. In this module I have learned is very important to see a longer view. This seems like an essential piece of the puzzle of what makes someone skilled as a support to others. Not only is being able to see a client’s potential progress important but it is also very important to have a conversation with the client so they can see it too. Not only does this potentially give the client hope and some excitement it also gives them some perspective about the process and helps them to be on the same page as you. So many people have a desire to be different than they are in some way but to get there it takes work which can be so disheartening when they find themselves back in old patterns. This long process can feel a little easier if they expect the relapse.