Long Term Coaching May 2021

[Sul]

Initial post

I met my client in the cafe where we chatted over arroz con pollo about the great pause of the pandemic and how within a pause there are opportunities that come to the foreground suddenly. As I listened to him explain what pause was teaching him he segued into his desire to return to his art after a long time of stepping away from it. In severance the story of why he stopped making art carried heavy emotions and an unclearness that frustrated him to a teary reflection. In summarizing what I had heard I drew on the core competency Embodies a Coaching Mindset #6. Develops and maintains the ability to regulate one’s emotions because I too have an artist story that carries some emotional pain. I also used the core competency communicating effectively #2. Reflects or summarizes what the client communicated to ensure clarity and understanding. These two CC helped me stay client led instead of my story interfering with his soul truth.

He had many voices or parts to his story of an artist that I could just see partswork clearly coming out of him searching for answers and resolution. So I told him how partswork could benefit him and explained the process as giving me a deer in headlights look but then said he would try anything at this point. I created an agreement that stated we would do partswork nature connected coaching over three month’s time. For our first session after the meeting in the cafe I saw them really take to partswork when we hiked along the coast. I offered a short wander to identify his parts to create a mandala. His inner artist effortlessly gathered shells, leaves, sticks, rocks. It was fun and exciting to witness. At first it was a little challenging to use symbols in nature to represent parts as I had been using words in the jamboard. But it was interesting to see how his parts were symbolized according to his meaning. It gave more of a textural sensory experience to partswork the jamboard did not.

On page 27-28 of “Self, Soul, Spirit: A Current Working Model for Understanding Human Development”, Strachan, R. T., Reid, M. (2011). Center for Creative Choice, “consciousness raising” “process””involves an external environment can give you to begin or continue to make change” these keywords and phrases affirms my own belief and NCC principle that the natural world is the co-guide in holding transformational space. And on page 34 “choice” is mentioned in a paragraph that is applicable for this. The choice to make change for my client through nature-connection through partswork opened up more internal freedom to choose how he wanted to reclaim his art. On page 45 there is a section “Maintenance” that gets my long term coaching gears moving “without strong commitment to maintenance there will surely be relapse to pre-contemplation or contemplation stage”. This really sheds light on my responsibility to this client but to all future clients. It primes me to think way ahead of even working with a client. Thinking about maintenance with the stages of change and incorporating it with basic brain information about neuroplasticity brings in the ritualized transformation needed to see results. In reflecting on this client’s journey so far I’m holding onto this concept to encourage growth for my client when or if they may “relapse” I can be a little more prepared. It is natural to think this could happen since change takes time there may be a little dance between stepping away and then moving forward. Like a rhythm. Which makes me think now as I reflect about the labyrinth walk and how life has many twists and turns. I think as a guide I can keep holding the journey of his deeper need that may take turn to more severance especially as parts are explored more and more. There is so much going on underneath the process of change like I’ve written before for me it feels like a living story I’m walking with. But more on the client..

who during the partswork entered into deeper contemplation on his artist’s part and paused as his emotions came up I relied on gestalt techniques of “what are you noticing or are aware of?” I remember learning that contemplation can be a comfort zone and how we as coaches nudge clients out. There was a lot of anxiety as expressed by his artist part. So I supported him in journaling about this to give some quiet reflection and integration to this intense work. I taught him the stages of change and will continue to remind him to help him learn how to assess where he might be so he can move forward in organizing what he discovers toward resolution. I think my coaching practice long term used to kind of make me nervous as to what to do. Like do I have three month’s worth of knowing what to do with this client? But now I feel like that is way too much pressure on myself to think that way. That the “knowing field” will show up and support my client and I get to be the lucky witness to it. There is something “shamanistic” about this work. It is undeniable. I call it magic. I think approaching my personal practice as a long term commitment will season as I discover how someone in this context can change and how I will change accordingly. It’s the start of an exciting brave new adventure.

[Jennifer LeCompte]

Sul,

I’m particularly drawn to your reflection of “I too have an artist story…”. Someone once told me that when we are working with others in this space, whether coaching, intuitive work, etc, that 80% of what we do is meant for them and 20% is meant for us. I find a lot of truth in that observation, as there are always things that I am learning from my interactions with clients, but also in what I am asking my client to do in terms of reflection and awareness. Do you find yourself reflecting on what clients are saying as a driver in your self-severance process?

[Sul]

Jen,

I appreciate your reflection. Yes I observe a lot of resonance and attunement in my interactions with clients. I feel as though often they state things I am learning or experiencing or desiring to discover more of personally. It is funny when I notice these moments I have to pause and make a note for my path and self-severence process. It is a real thing. Great awareness, Jen!

[Sarah Hope]

ooh! I like that statement “20 percent is for us”. I have noticed that too. anything we hear in a clients story has wisdom for us as well- but it doesn’t need to detract from their experience. Conversely, I think this enhances our ability to engage with them.

The self-severance process is always at play for me and one of the reasons I love coaching, is that it is always inviting me me to grow as a being.

[Sul]

Sarah, yes just revisiting this thread and finding it true still.

[Sul]

Hi Jen,

I agree with your share here. It does happen most of the time and I find I’m a little more aware of it after each session. Sometimes I’m aware of it during session and feel all kinds of vibes!

[Allyson Duffin-Dalton]

Sul, your line “That the “knowing field” will show up and support my client and I get to be the lucky witness to it. There is something “shamanistic” about this work. It is undeniable. I call it magic.”

That is truly how I feel too! I feel nervous as well heading into a session, thinking if I have enough knowledge to get through the session let alone a few months worth. If I can help them/guide them in this journey for long enough for them to get their feet back under them or begin to swim instead of tread. It really is magic how all of us wound up here and found our calling to guide/coach, that we are here because we’re helpers and that this magic chose us to be the carriers of itself. We’re witnessing magic because we get to share it.

Your story of working with your client as he found his Artist again was beautiful. I’m glad the physical mandala worked for him!

[Sul]

Thanks Ally. Your share evokes the new story being woven by the blazing forging trail makers we are.

[Sarah Hope]

I like the way you used the coaching competencies to manage your own emotional pain while relating to this client. It seems you were able to turn your emotional understanding into a strength by using those competencies with skill.

It sounds like as an artist and a coach you had the right blend of what he needed to return to the space.

[Sul]

Yes, Sarah. Thanks for your share here. The competencies are more and more helpful. They hold the structure.

[Sarah Hope]

Dear Sul,

I am particularly drawn to the way you have highlighted the tendency to “relapse” without maintenance. Something shifted in me when I read this. A little lightbulb turned on.

I really began to see how the long term model can make change sustainable. Suddenly I can see the role of ritual and neuroplasticity in a long term coaching model.

I sort of missed the connection before. I love when that happens. It often takes another person to turn the switch on and give me that aha moment. Your share just did that for me!

[Sul]

Yes the longer term is key. This is why in business coaching selling 3 month, 6 month and 12 month packages are more beneficial to clients. The challenge is trying to understand perceptions and limiting beleifs especially distortions of time for example the mindset (which I have experienced) of “I want it yesterday” Ai! This is where the clever coaching skills come in handy for me. Assesing just how long “I want it yesterday” has been the story is a clue.

[Jennifer LeCompte]

In Changing for Good, Porchaska speaks to the difference between “change” and “action.” He writes, “Professionals who equate change with action design terrific action-oriented programs, and are bitterly disappointed when sign-up rates are minuscule…programs designed to help precontemplators are vastly different than those designed for people in the action stage.” (44) I found this to be an important distinction in my lens as a guide. Often, the outside indicators of action are misconstrued as change, which unintentionally minimizes that entirety of the change process. To Prochaska’s point, we are changing thought processes, levels of awareness, reactions, and other facets of ourselves before we ever arrive at the place where action becomes the main focus of our efforts. Once we have awareness, we can then make choices and act on them accordingly.

Prochaska also mentions the word “recycle” as a preference to “relapse.” In a long-term model where a client might cycle through and end up traveling one of those well-established neural pathways of yore, and notices that thinking, we can celebrate the awareness of knowing that an old pattern has emerged. “Recycle” then has two meanings – the natural process of going through the spiral of change, and “recycling” the awareness of that old pattern into fuel for traveling down the new neural highway.

Last week, my long-term client had a situation at her new job that she found challenging. Her previous experience in the legal field have been combative, with an environment full of suspicion and hyper vigilance. When presented with this challenging situation where she wasn’t sure what to do, she went to a place of hyper vigilance, where her lack of knowledge could lead to reprimand or possibly being at risk for losing her job. She remarked how that line of thinking were her old lenses, as in her old pair of glasses she constantly wore in older positions. The new lenses that we have been working on, are curious lenses, meant to learn and ask for support. They are lenses that aren’t burdened with fear or concern. She was able to articulate that she recognized how she was wearing those old lenses for a minute before she was able to take them off and don her new ones.

It wouldn’t be surprising at all to find that my client has more of these instances. The fact that she can be aware and recognize these instances without judgment or shame speaks to the power of long-term support. This isn’t to say that short-term support can’t be the answer to certain needs, but when we are changing beliefs, attitudes, and how we want to be, we also need room beyond simply action to thoughtfully integrate and get to a self-sustaining place, a new homeostasis. The rhetoric with quick-change programs, (change your life in just four weeks!), is really misleading. Part of our role at times may be to inform and offer perspective on that instantaneous way of thinking that has been propagated over the years.

Being with someone for the long-term, knowing that you get to be a witness to more stages of change, is an increasingly special role to have in a person’s life. When speaking to helping relationships, Prochaska writes, “Whether you turn to a professional, friends, member of the family, or the clergy, the helping relationship provides support, caring, understanding, and acceptance.” (32) When I read this, I felt how fortunate it is to be able to support, care, understand, and accept. If people feel truly seen and heard, then it makes the changes feel plausible and attainable. The support takes away the isolation that sometimes come with humaning, and offers compassion for those on the journey.

[Sul]

Response 2 @jenniferlecompte

I wonder if certain parts are more prone to certain stages of change. For example is my artist part more often in a pre-contemplation stage and my student part in an action stage?

I agree with your point of the misleading coaching world. Every now and then I read on my facebook (which has a lot of life coaches on my friends list) that a coach hurt or dissapointed them. For awhile I resisted calling myself a coach due to these kinds of marketing messages and lack of real understanding of time and commitment to change. It’s like this trendy thing now to have a life coach but not so trendy to figure one’s shit out in a real way which can take time.

I wonder if you learned of any parts in different stages of change with this client?

[Jennifer LeCompte]

Sul, that’s an excellent question, if certain parts are in different stages! My tentative answer is yes. I can reflect on my creative ventures and feel like one part is ready to go, always churning and burning. Another part wants the creative project to happen but isn’t as far ahead as my creator part. I think this is why the partswork matters on the level that it does. If all the parts aren’t in agreement, then goals don’t get met. Maybe one way to frame partswork is getting everyone to the same stage of change?

I can say that my client worked with a coach before and felt really burned by that coach. She said she spent a lot of money for quite some time but didn’t see the results she hoped for. I have resisted calling myself a coach for similar reasons. I use Guide and Coach interchangeably on my site depending on which sounds better in the contextual writing. I am not sure if the overall public has a read on what a life coach really is and what that means for them. This means that we have to educate sometimes.

I have seen different parts of my client in different stage of change, namely one part is trying to be in action while another is in precontemplation. A lot of work has been done to bring those two parts in sync in order to move forward.

[Allyson Duffin-Dalton]

Jen,

It really is so amazing to witness someone’s growth over time. I’m very grateful to have been put with this group of people that were able to witness my own growth, and facilitate change with me. You are such a great person and helped me see myself, I can imagine being a longterm client of yours, I’m sure it’s great!

It sounds like you and your client have put in some serious work, and I’m sure she feels incredibly grateful. I love the bit of her having new glasses to see through, I think that always helps to imagine something like that.

[Sophie Turner]

This was such an important piece in my EBI journey. For me, this module for me was really about how I can best support clients in the long term and that starts with being able to communicate what I offer, how and their investment.

In Rich Litvin and Steve Chandlers Properous Coach, they offer advice on client proposals. I came across this book in a podcast a year or so ago. I have revisited this book in the last month and found some points that resonate with how my perspective has shifted and my fear eased since the work in the intensive.

Don’t close a sale – open a relationship

This is all about being present, getting curious and opening the conversation, getting to know them. Come from a place of building relationships not selling, they may not be ready for a coach but when they are they will think of you first. It may not be a hell yes immediately, but that relationship building is foundational.

Learn to enjoy enrolling

To be good at something we must enjoy it. The intensive and practicing making a proposal allowed me to shift from fear and fuck this is hard to a place of possibility and excitement.

Sell the experience, not the concept

This is something I struggle with, “I’m a transformational coach, life coach that utilises nature to help guide my clients”. How boring is that? it doesn’t even inspire curiosity in me and I’m the one doing it. In the intensive, I described what I do to Ally and it felt so organic and truthful that I wish we were recording. I need more of that in my elevated pitch and less of the mundane. I want to inspire curiosity and possibility with the people around me and those who I am proposing long term coaching to.

Actively seek exciting clients

Client creation is hard and it mostly reeks of so much effort that I find myself overwhelmed and instead of thinking bigger, dreaming grander I make a cup of tea and move on to the next task. A big part of what draws me to coaching is that I want to work with motivated and exciting people, I want to help people grow but also keep growing myself. The intensive and some previous business mentoring was the kick up the butt I needed to really shift in my willingness to do the hard stuff. Clients won’t find me if they don’t know where to look, and I need to be in networks where these exciting clients are. I’ve started taking steps to do this and it is energising, terrifying but in the good way.

Possibility will trump affordability

Some of the feedback I got post presenting my proposal was that I am too expensive, I priced my coaching compared to others I have worked with and their level of education and experience compared to mine. I dream of having 12 long term clients that I can realistically show up 100% give them all of me without depleting my energy and burning out with having to work extensive hours. My price point feels appropriate but where I’m lacking is the ability to create possibility and curiosity in my proposals and conversations around coaching when outside my comfort zone. So inevitably don’t show up as the coach I am growing into. I have decided for the remainder of the year I am going to lower my price point so I am more accessible to wider market, I want the opportunity to have these conversations, to get good at the hard stuff and moving toward the dream.

Always be creating clients

This one makes me nervous, feeling like I always have to be on, always showing up, but in reality it is just being present and curious about those around me. This links back to building relationships, having conversations with people.

Be okay to begin as a beginner

Just a great reminder really, we all have to start somewhere and proposing long term coaching contracts and money is difficult. It does feel easier now since the intensive, I have a few more tools.

[Sul]

Response 1 @ Sophie

Hi Sophie,

I am resonating with your sentence “start being able to communicate what I offer”. I’m struggling with this as I am trying to conjure what part of me will communicate my professional services.

I love the frame from the podcast you offer about opening a relationship. Although I believe that it is both. If you don’t know how to sell there is confusion there too. But tempering sales with an open relationship is fantastic!

I’m going to lean into this advice and try to get excited about my offering first then decide what part is the excited one who will offer it then rehearse my sales and sincere invitation to journey with someone.

[Sophie Turner]

Thanks Sul, yes I do agree with you but found the reframe shifted my fear around the idea of selling. Now to hone my elevator pitch and get out there!!! I’m looking forward to hearing where you land and which part of you, an aspect I too am curious about.

[Allyson Duffin-Dalton]

Sophie,

These are all really great points about our journey here.

I hope I didn’t offend you when I said that I couldn’t afford you! I’m sorry if I did, truly. The work that you are willing to put in for your clients to guide them is tremendous, and you deserve that amount. You are a skilled coach, nurse, educated, empathetic, and connected with nature and anyone that works with you will be rewarded. The price point is what they are willing to pay to make the change that they cannot do on their own.

As a new business owner, I want to please everyone. I want everyone to be able to afford me and I want to help all of the dogs/cats. The problem of affordability isn’t mine, it’s theirs. When a potential client says I’m too expensive or they can do it on their own, my internal question is “Why don’t you do it then?” Obviously their ability to perform the task has been underwhelming otherwise they wouldn’t be contacting me. When I look at everything I do for my clients, the products I use, my time and gas, my knowledge, my patience, my love and understanding, I value myself highly because I know what I’m worth. I hope you know that you’re worth all of that and some.

For what it’s worth, when you told me that my prices were exceptionally low, I realized that I didn’t value myself. You’ve helped me understand that my knowledge alone is worth more than what I had quoted you.

[Sarah Hope]

I don’t know why but I feel emotional reading this. I love coaching but I have avoided selling. The package I sell most often is a month-long package, but I think it is because I have trouble visualizing past that and valuing my long term offer. I find myself stagnating at my current offer.

I think in order to sell the experience, the romance, the intrigue of it all, I need to sell myself on it first. This might take some work. I am going to check out the book you shared.

I hear in what you are sharing, the opportunity to level up. The idea come to mind to “be the experience we are offering”.

Long term coaching remains for me an obstacle. I like the way you shared these principals for us. It allows me to see the specific areas where I lack an organized approach to my offer.

[Sul]

Summary

I have an urge to take incorporation a little further. With the modern disease of isolation, incorporation may feel incomplete without acknowledgement from others. When we work with clients there are stages or rites of passage that come into perspective. When someone goes off on a journey of transformation what they discover and what the coach discovers with them doesn’t necessarily set the client up for integration within their family or community or society. I have formed this question for client’s “How do you want to be acknowledged back into community?”

How can we support rituals that make conscious contact with nature something tangible for body and soul direction? What “ground” or “season” is the client in what land sea or sky scape or other is the context of their becoming?

What about the boundary of threshold. How do you know if you are meeting someone in an epic threshold? How much of that is collective based?

What am I choosing to communicate that will not mislead or mean well but harm how can I lead and serve in a client’s process of ongoing discovery by coaching and guiding them toward tangible practical becoming or goal achievement ?

In my notes I found Michael saying this process or journey is a spiral or zig zag. I also found in one of the toolboxes this idea of nature as you and as the coaching is fluid and not to fixate. That this is a growth mind approach not a fixated mind.

the invitation to be coached requires courage and the archetype of the seer. There is so much a client may not want to see but the courage needed will help them through.

This was inspired by a chat between my cohort and I. Thanks for reading.

[Sophie Turner]

Summary – this assignment and module has been really beneficial in gaining confidence in framing long term coaching. I’m looking forward to putting the lessons into action and welcoming my first client in person to the Wyld once the grass is in. In the meantime I have plenty of time to master my pitch!!!

[Allyson Duffin-Dalton]

Meeting with the client I am talking about was during our week of class. My windows were open and the sound of birds was ringing through our ears. <div>

*What steps did you take to
establish the Coaching Relationship and focus the session?

When I start a session I always ask what it felt like to be them when they woke up this morning. I feel that it helps them focus and think about something easy and simple. This has helped tremendously to circle back when a client starts getting overworked or stressed out, or losing focus.

*How did or could Long-Term
Coaching fit into your nature-connected coaching session?

I really enjoyed doing the totem exercise with my client. I have a very vivid imagination and really enjoyed painting a picture with my client of her parts and the roles that they play in their nature vision.

*How did or could you
collaborate with Nature and combine Long-Term Coaching and
Nature-Connected Coaching principles?

The scene that my client and I worked through was beautiful. We saw the animals, trees, clouds, and other natural aspects through the totem exercise. I find myself doing this alone now and can’t wait to work on it with more clients. I felt like I was in the forest, walking right behind my clients Bull and Wolf, steering clear of the Sand Pit and looking for the Wise Woman Tree. This project between us felt so real and detailed, I felt so connected and like my client and I had reached a new level of our coaching relationship, like we had moved toward a bigger and greater expanse of what we are teaching each other.

*What challenges did you face?
How did you adapt?

Sometimes when I try something new it doesn’t land. I try not to dwell on that and instead just move on. I don’t want my client to feel like they have to cater to me or answer/participate in something that doesn’t work for them. When my client seems to avert from a line of questioning, I make note and try to understand if they were uncomfortable because they weren’t ready to go there or because the question didn’t mean anything to/for them. Sometimes this happens with my client, but I don’t take offense. I’ve often found that when we work together, I’m more of a sounding board and someone that she can bounce ideas off/plan her next steps with.

*What flowed and how did you
build off it?

I noticed that the totem exercise was really bringing out the creativity and imagination for my client. She seemed very accepting of the path that we were on so I continued pushing and asking questions about who her parts were and what role they would play in a situation. I remembered from a past session that one of her parts was a cloud, so I brought that in and helped connect more of her parts to nature.

*What did you learn about
yourself and nature-connected coaching?

I am nature, and she is me. We work together through our common placements and experiences. I enjoy coaching, and before every session I am nervous and excited, but when I have the opportunity to incorporate nature into the work I feel relief and energy begin to flow toward the path that I should be on.

Coaching has become a way of life for me. I have been introduced to a new way of living, being and interacting with people. I’ve discovered that there is a better way to talk, listen and engage.

</div>

[Jennifer LeCompte]

Ally, I’m assuming you guys did this all over zoom, correct? I think I remember reading somewhere that al your clients are zoom clients right now. Either way, I’m tickled to read how you guys worked together and created a nature connected experience this way. I admittedly struggle with the nature part with zoom in the mix, especially after working with a client in person. What other ways do you help bring nature into a session that isn’t in person? Do you feel like you have enough resources to have nature connected experiences in sessions? I know that we are nature and that we are connecting with nature in each other. I know that I’m still working on finding ways to incorporate more nature elements into my practice as a remote practitioner. 🙂

Your thoughts and advice is greatly appreciated!

[Allyson Duffin-Dalton]

Summary-

Being in this group has been such a magical, wild, wonderful and endearing ride. To see each of our changes and chart our growth, witnessing it for everyone feels so empowering. I feel so lucky to be here and hold these relationships for life. The education I’ve gained has been invaluable. Even if I don’t pursue being a full time coach, I have the knowledge and it has changed me.

[Sarah Hope]

For this assignment, I worked with an existing long-term client. I started with this client before I began with EBI, but I used what I had learned to re-create the container.

We took a look at his progress throughout the year in his business, but this time I took it to a deeper level. I asked him to look at the ways that working the changes in his business reflected the changes inside of him. We looked at his business as sort of an ecosystem and system of concentric circles, himself in the center, surrounded by his family, surrounded by his business, and then his community. We took some time to notice the way his internal changes influenced his relationship with those elements in his life.

From this reflection we made a plan for where he would like go this year and how we will use his work with me to envision his life and work in a new way.

(I gave myself a raise this year- and this session helped me re-establish my value as a coach and the time and investment I put into training)

[Sarah Hope]

Long term Coaching Practice Client:

Even though this unit concluded in the summer, I recently had an opportunity in my professional work to offer a long term, coaching model to a potential client.

This client initially came to me looking for something I did not offer. I had to draw a boundary and clarify what I do in my work.Boundaries are a tough spot for me and I was so I was fully unattached from the idea of “winning over” this individual as a client. I think my lack of need gave me strength and a sense of composure that ultimately served us both. Through our conversation he became curious. He shifted his perspective and asked how I might coach him.

I listened deeply to his story and took a few days to create my offer.

He is a man of Native American heritage but he had been adopted and did not learn of it until he turned 50. This knowledge awakened something inside of him and he has been searching for a way to connect with the culture that lies dormant inside of him. Ritual and ceremony are my passion as a coach so I was really inspired to create a model for how I would coach him. Paganism is my primary ceremonial orientation. It is a nature based practice completely devoid of dogma. I was able to use this framework to provide a coaching model the follows the wheel of the year with nature as a common ground for development of his own unique relationship to himself and his new-found community.

I think doing this structure and pricing it was a bit easier for me because I was not attached to any outcome. I had not expected this inquiry to turn into a prospect.

What I love about this is that it was a leaning into my unknown that yielded a surprise. I surprised myself by designing a whole year of content.

I do not know if he will accept my offer or not, but nothing is lost. The model he inspired is something I can now use as a framework in future long-term offerings.

Because of this immersion, it was easy for me to listen for the deeper need and the want that it revealed. It all comes back to nature again and again. What I understand now is that the way I guide and live is one and the same, congruent with the seasons, harmonious with nature.

[Sul]

Love to learn of your surprise to yourself in your creative work! Your share reminds me of content I have created that didn’t actually sell but was the response to a potential sale/need.

It is all useful and can be reworked reformatted for future clients! Great stuff. 🙂

[Naffer Miller]

I have been reflecting on the long-term coaching and the work I do as a Career Coach at my company. There are tasks that we need to accomplish together as part of the company’s criteria and constructs, and there is also space for me to create the container of the time we have together. There is a framework we are given for the first year of employment, and we have milestones to track with our coachees throughout that year, while we support them with their multiple learning curves- company, role as consultant, learning about the clients we support and government contracting. Within all of that, I have found room to also begin weaving in some of the NCC practices and ceremony without compromising the roles and responsibilities my company is relying on me to execute and support. One of the reasons why I am able to do this is that my company is focused on a holistic approach to learning and development. It is one of the things my coworkers often refer to when talking about things like having Career Coaches. We talk about personal and professional growth, passions, and in our company’s language, even deeper needs.

One of my coachees, S, is still in her first six months of employment, and it has been interesting to reflect upon the similarities and differences in the long-term coaching relationship I have with her and with K, the coachee with whom I have been working the longest, and since before beginning this NCC course. With S, the coaching I do is still very much rooted in the work that she is doing with the company. When she meets with me, I am still a face of the company- Naffer, her company Career Coach- and I feel like we are still some months away from her coming to our sessions to me with me as Naffer, her Guide/Coach. When we are talking about wants and deeper needs, they are focused on the arc of the year within the context of work- hitting her billable target hours, completing all of her first-year trainings, and identifying and completing professional development opportunities to feed her growth in her role and in her client work. Even there, I am able to incorporate Nature as a partner in our conversations about growth and change, how that looks for her, and how she sees herself in that bigger picture.

When I was in graduate school, I participated in a Silent Way workshop. One of the most important concepts that we experienced and discussed in it was the dynamics of relationships. In thinking about my relationship with current and future clients as a Guide/Coach, I am reminded of one of the basic tenets, “The Silent Way is the subordination of teaching to learning.” As partners in co-creation, my goals include for clients to approach and enter open doors to their experiences in and understanding of their own growth, of their own path, of their own relationship with Nature.

Throughout the Silent Way, we were discouraged from relying on notes and answers given by others, provided by instructors, and/or found in teaching materials. We were guided to learn based on what was without ourselves, and the experience of the process was more important that the end result of the Hindi we’d learned during the workshop. I don’t remember the Hindi, but I remember the process and methodologies and still apply them today. With my clients, my goals will not include their ability to remember the exact details of what Points A and B were, but rather the incorporation of what we did together and the empowerment to continue their developed practices on their own. Long-term coaching is the subordination of preconceived notions of what “is” and of the self to the unknown and to the process.

[Naffer Miller]

Summary

In his essay, “Eye and Mind”, the French philosopher Maurice Merleau-Ponty discusses how we cannot see everything at once, that our positions in the world at certain times limit our perceptions; there is always more to see. While some may see this as a limitation of our being human, I see it as liberating. It allows for the digestion of information and the germination of new ideas that offshoot from the previous ones, just like in nature. More specifically, it allows for more than one approach and more than one point of view. This is something I feel is vital to remember, especially when it comes to a long-term coaching relationship.

Over time with a client, the recognition of multiple perspectives gives us the freedom to explore diverse expressions and to embrace the creative process of guiding/coaching. On a deeper level, we are shaken from the comfort of a unilateral, linear progression of thought. Instead of seeking explanations, we open ourselves to iterations, cycles, and continual learning and evolution. An explanation implies an end, a conclusion. Since something has been explained to us, there is sometimes a sense that we no longer need to think about it or work on it ourselves. Even if our coaching relationship closes with a client, their practices and process will resonate forward. I see this in the same way as the question of how an artist knows when they are finished. I feel like an artist’s work is never finished because it changes every time it is perceived. I also feel like a client’s work with us as NCCs will never end because it will change with each new experience that they have. Nature is the most enduring, compelling testament to change, and it is an honor to partner with it on this journey as a guide/coach and with clients in all spaces, including a long-term relationship.