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Participate in the Online Discussion Gestalt (April 2019)
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49 Replies
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How I established the Coaching Relationship and focus the session?
Although I have established a therapy relationship very often, it is different for me to establish a coaching relationship. Right now this is done with people who call inquiring about doing therapy with me. So I know it is a switch for them to think about coaching instead of therapy. So I feel like I really have two tasks to do-establish a coaching contract, and a coaching relationship. By coaching contract, I don’t mean a piece of paper they read and sign, but being up front with what they can expect from coaching, and having some assurance that the client has the same expectations. Therefore, I do this in a very straightforward manner, explaining the differences between coaching and therapy and explaining why I think they would benefit from coaching. Then, if the client has said that they agree that a coaching model is right for them, we proceed in that manner. For the folks who originally came for therapy but after we discuss it feel the coaching model is for them, I take an extra step. The first few times I feel that we are getting to a place where a coaching model is different than a therapy model, I mention it, saying something like, “well, if we were doing therapy right now I might say______’, but since we are following a coaching way of looking at things, what I want to say is_____”. At the end of the session I do a little debriefing time, asking what came up for them at those junctures. What I am looking for in that debriefing is my client understanding that we have maintained a coaching session and the client is comfortable with that.The coaching relationship seems to me to be establishing a coaching presence. So that is basically respectful, open, thoughtful, non-judgmental reflecting and listening. Then going on to clarify and summarize the main issue, and start moving it toward an understanding of the deeper need, all while keeping an intention of promoting forward movement and positive change. I focus the session by beginning with a short recap of where we left things off and what they had agreed to accomplish between our sessions, then asking for an update. From there we continue on.
How did or would a Gestalt approach fit into a nature connected coaching session? So this is more difficult for me, for basically two reasons. In my office, Gestalt techniques seem to take us to threshold easily because the techniques seem to incorporate the same things that threshold in nature-connected coaching brings. That is, moving in the here and now, utilizing as much somatic or body-centered approach as possible, being real, looking for congruence, etc. So I am not sure if Gestalt “fits” into nature connected coaching, or really just does the same thing NCC does but in an interpersonal, office-based, manner. It is also difficult for me to answer this question because I have yet to have a session, termed coaching or therapy, that is in a natural setting. They have all been in my office. So, yikes. I am really hoping that some of the posts will stir my understanding and imagination for this.
So I will just name the similarities between Gestalt and NCC that I notice: The idea of doing experiments, the manner in which we ask about what is coming up for a person as we move through threshold and what that leads them to, the fact that nature contacts individuals in a steady and real sense, with no judgment, and because of the way nature maintains a steady boundary and people change their feelings about and to nature-that is, break contact with nature by projecting onto nature their desires, inner conflicts, and fears.
As you can probably guess, at this time I do not feel that learning about Gestalt therapy has changed much about how I am doing my coaching. I still rely a lot on what we were taught in the first intensive, and other things that I have learned about through being taught how to do therapy. Things such as experiments, hear and now, body-centered, boundaries, contact, congruence, introjects, projection…all of those things seem to me to have already been a part of what we were taught and what we do as we take people through threshold in nature. Gestalt therapy seems to be a way to do those things when we are not in nature, and so are enacting a primarily person-to-person intervention.
So the things that I do in my office that seem to me to be elements of Gestalt therapy, are: maintaining contact and being observant when contact is broken, relating issues that clients bring as happening outside of them to the inner dynamics or conflicts of my client, experiments both during sessions and between sessions, and bringing things into the here and now. I suppose I do other things that are Gestalt-like as well.
One thing I like to do because it seems to help individuals really get a grasp and a hold on their deeper need, follows from when we are able to distill their deeper need to a relatively simple sentence. So for example, I will make up a client: “Jill” -a 50-something mom who feels devastated that her 28 year old son did not reach out to her on mother’s day, (they have had a good relationship) feels trapped into sending him only loving notes and forgivenesses, much as she felt and expressed toward her parents when her parents lost emotional control when she was a child and blamed her for their extreme anger outbursts toward her. One of her deeper needs is to allow herself to express dissatisfaction in relationships in which she has not been treated in right relationship. Lets say that as we are meeting and she is explaining the situation and her feelings of helplessness about it, she mentions he is a 28 year old man-in a manner that is as if it excuses him from being confronted by her for his dismissal of her (her “old” way of feeling and thinking). In this case I would ask her if she would be willing to “try something different”- which is something I often say as a way to introduce an experiment, and ask her if she would close her eyes and just listen to what I said and let me know what came up for her as I did that. After she agrees and closes her eyes, I would simply say her own words, “He is a 28 year old man”, and listen to what comes up. Generally, the first thing that is mentioned is how the person is used to dealing with or feeling in the situation. So, “Jill” would probably tell me about how her 28 year old son is very tender and unable to really think about relationships and so needs a pass when he hurts someone. Then I just reflect back to them what came up for them-no discussion or interpretations, etc. I then ask my client to put those initial sensations “on the emotional bookcase, so you can listen to what else comes up for you”, and say the exact words again, “He is a 28 year old man”. And listen to what comes up next, reflect it-then ask for that to go on the emotional bookcase. After we have done this a few times, we generally get past a lot of the defenses, and the client begins to be in touch with the deeper need. The defenses for “Jill” might include feelings about being uncomfortable speaking up to a man, feelings that she is to blame for her son’s behavior since she is her mother, feelings she might be punished for speaking up for herself, feelings that she is angry at him for other things, feelings that if she stands up for her self she is too much, etc. In general, people get to their deeper need as we just listen to what comes up and put it on the emotional bookcase. So for Jill it might be she ends by saying, “That is right, he is a grown, 28 year old man, and I can be firm and loving as I tell him he has hurt my feelings, because he has hurt my feelings.”
I find that sequence can be used for so many things regarding the deeper need. It seems to be more powerful when the sentence came from the client, and/or, their name can be used in the sentence.
So I am very much interested in reading what others post because I am feeling somewhat at a loss in putting the Gestalt techniques out into nature, not just in the office.
I have only one more thing to say right now, and that is: Go Blues! This is first time for them to get to the Stanley Cup Hockey Finals in 49 years. I got my post done now because I know I will soon be taking up a lot of time watching them play. Any Boston fans out there?
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Lisa,
I have found for myself that establishing that coaching connection/agreement has been very beneficial for my practice. It not only allows me to be at ease in discussing what the client can expect from a session but in them know that we may try new things like take our session outside or into the gym. It also allows the freedom to express some of the differences from possible past therapy type sessions and really let the client identify what they may want or need and some of their expectations. It is hard to put into words what this initial time together does for the client/coach relationship and sets the stage for the session and future sessions. Thank you for talking about your experience with this.-
Thank you for sharing Lisa! I can definitely appreciate how the therapist role and the coaching role are different in your space of work. I like how you differentiate the guiding role from the therapist, even stating, “we were in a therapy session I’d say this, but since we are in a coaching client session I’m going to say this..” I think that difference can be confusing to people who have never been exposed to a coach, and thus I think it’s great you give them a verbal depiction of how they are different.
From being your practice client in the past, I know how well you can do Gestalt work. Even if it’s not something that seems like this huge threshold, you have a great way of providing the space for the client to be and look deeply within. This is coming from my own experience working with you. I think giving your client the invitation to take some breathes with intention of x,y,z can open up the door to more Gestalt work.
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Lisa I like your “steps” to establish your client agreement. Those are not only very similar to mine but also how I gain the trust and confidence from my “clients”. You mentioned being Respect and deeply listening to your client….those of course are important for all us, but I like the way you word it.
“The coaching relationship seems to me to be establishing a coaching presence. So that is basically respectful, open, thoughtful, non-judgmental reflecting and listening. Then going on to clarify and summarize the main issue, and start moving it toward an understanding of the deeper need, all while keeping an intention of promoting forward movement and positive change.”
Great summary and so cool how you are using therapy and defining coaching when needed!
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Hi Lisa,
Thank you for your post on Gestalt, particularly the part about “He’s a 28 year old man” and putting interpretations on the emotional bookcase to see what else comes up in searching for a deeper need. This struck me as a great tool! I was wondering if it works in a similar way to the 7 Breaths exercise, where we ask a question repeatedly to essentially clear away the surface rubble to get at the subconscious–the deeper need or core issue at play. It does sound like you are already doing a lot of what Gestalt is. Also, I love that you are able to parse the therapist from the coach and say it to the client. It feels like saying this out loud in the session helps both parties be reminded and stay on the coaching track. Thanks for your post.
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The client I had that I was able to practice some of the Gestalt practice was interesting to me because the session made me look introspectively, assess where I am in the session and what I am bringing in with me. This specific client is an old friend and colleague from my time selling real estate. Having this relationship made things a little more difficult especially because of the issue that was brought to the table. The issue was kind of a two partner, he was unsure that he was pursing his passion and dream in what he wanted to do and was also struggling to find balance in his life because his career was dominating his life in many ways.
In the beginning of our session I started to see the friend part of me coming out and trying to relate to him and bring my experience into the session. I immediately felt this was taking him our of the moment and not helping the session to progress. Then I felt the session becoming somewhat stagnant because I was asking questions and getting the repeated response “I don’t know”. This made me feel like I was lacking as a coach and caused me to get into my head a little bit. At this point to bring the session back to him I decided to try an experiment and see where it went. I made an eight-indicator worksheet and had him assess where he was at currently. This immediately brought him into the present because he had to look at where he was at and what was going on. I feel like this was a Geshtalt type feeling practice because it kept him in the present moment and gave him a sense of what he wanted and needed. We dug into the feelings of how his career was dominating his life and how he wanted to make more room for other things. I tried to bring a little parts work in when I asked him to number the indicators in order of what he wanted his life and balance to look like and understand that just because one is louder than the other that it doesn’t mean that’s the one that is needed or wanted.
I felt like I learned a lot from this session, but also feel like this session taught me that I have much more to learn as well. Humbling!-
Hey Ben,
I loved the way you sensed into things to try for your client. I bet that if the eight point hadn’t hit the mark, you would have a whole other bunch of things that would have sprung to mind to try. I have worked with people who have “I don’t know” as their main feeling, and sometimes I can feel a little bit of, well, almost concern, about how to proceed. Kind of like rock climbing and getting to a very smooth surface, like, “where can I get some purchase? How is this possibly going to be done?”, and not seeing even little tiny cracks to work with. Seems like you kind of mentally fell back and regrouped with yourself and decided what tools to try. Neat experience. I am glad I am not the only one that has had those sensations when working with someone.
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Hey Strong Ben!
Thank you for sharing your experience. I totally understand what you mean by feeling that you were lacking as a coach but that isn’t the case at all. I’ve worked with you as my coach and I know you are an awesome coach. I think some times when we get stuck we just have to do EXACTLY what you did and start to experiment and approach from another angle. Each client is differently and their levels of approachability will shift as well.
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Wow Ben, this is amazing! I really relate to what you say about being in your head. That is something I struggle with as a guide. I think it’s great that you were able to do an exercise that brought your client back into the moment and because of this, it brought you back into the body and less in your head. I also resonate with the slight struggle of the client being a friend. I tried coaching one of my friends and the friend in me kept coming out. It’s difficult when you’re close to someone to build that boundary around coach and client but awesome job bringing it all back to the client and allowing them to create a tangible perspective of where they were at. I think this is really powerful in the way in which we show up in different spaces and being cognizant of that as a guide.
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Hi Ben,
I wanted to thank you for your post, first of all because I haven’t thought a lot about the eight indicators tool for a while! That is so cool how you used that and the session took off from there. It is a scary moment when a client says “I don’t know.” It is interesting to see what tools we each use. I feel like I’m coming into my own style a bit (which has often been to use meditation, and working with 7 breaths), but want to stay open and reminded of so many other possible tools/approaches that might work better with certain clients or certain situations. So, thank you, and here’s to giving ourselves permission for creative experimentation! -
Ben, I enjoyed reading and seeing your process of coaching presence and awareness develop. Your understanding and noticing that there was a friend part of you that was coming up, and that you noticed that is really something. I have found that it can be difficult when we want people who are closer to us to succeed maybe more than a “stranger.” Even though you might have cognitively had doubts about the questioning you had it still sounded like your were carried by your intuition and was able to not only bring him into the present moment, but yourself as well. Very cool to hear about your experience!
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Finally I was able to post on here! We are deep in pilot programs here so have not been around the computer lately.
My practice client in Gestalt was a fun one! It seemed natural for me to fit Gestalt into my coaching session which was funny…..because when I stoped worrying about what to do and how to do it, things just came more naturally. I have started to use coaching before and after the pilot programs we have been doing in Vision Quest and Rites of Passage work. This has been working well because once the person signs up for a Vision Quest they have two coaching sessions before they meet up with the entire group for the Quest itself. This has been impactful I think because it has not only been prepping them for the Quest itself but also opening up a ton of trust and other insights for the client.
The first client was interesting. She was coming with multiple issues and having trouble narrowing down what she wanted to talk about. Once we started some hands on gestalt and experimenting I noticed that she not only was gaining more insight but she seemed to want more answers. It was like one issue ran into a deeper issue and we just kept getting deeper. It was a neat session in which we actually had it at my house. We started inside and got to her deeper need through questioning and co-conversation but once we moved outside instead of jumping straight into Gestalt we just simply walked and talked. I felt that there was a moment that when our trust was stronger then we jumped into our first gestalt experiment. After that we must of had like 3 back-to-back-back experiments and all were very helpful.
In this case I thought that Gestalt opened up more trust and a deeper bond with my client that I wasn’t able to get to earlier. It also provided a fun and safe environment for us to work in. Just great client and had a blast trying it out!
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Hey Ben,
I bet you have a lot going on! Good luck with everything. I will soon be meeting my first client outside, and am still looking for ways gestalt work fits with NCC in practical vs. theoretical ways. You mention you did three back-to-back experiments. The concept of experiments seems to me to be with both gestalt and NCC, so my question is, when you look back at those experiments were any of them fitting more with gestalt than NCC? And if so, can you give me a brief glimpse of what the experiments were? I am eager to understand how the concepts unique to gestalt are put into practical ways out of doors. In the end it doesn’t matter, I know, because when you do as you did and go with the flow of the time with a client it works best. But I am still playing with the concepts in my head so I can get the best possible feel for them. I appreciate any insights nd wisdom from your experiences you can give me. -
Ben,
It was interesting reading your entry. Lots came up for me. I feel at time Geshalt comes very natural and other times it feels like I just can’t get there. I know that feeling of being busy but everything is just kind of fitting into place. I love hearing that experimenting is going well in your sessions. I have been feeling that I have been coming up with a lot of the experiments that I want clients to try and want to play a little ore with letting them come up with some possible exercises.
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Bearded Ben,
Sounds like a great session with many road options to travel down. Sounds like you picked the right path with this session. Having a space at your home to bring clients to sounds like the perfect situation for you and your busy life.
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Ben, it’s wonderful to hear that you were able to establish trust with your client in a way that kept getting to roots that were deeper and deeper. I think it’s great that you provided your client with nature connection and guiding a conversation that led to multiple Gestalt experiments. It sounds like you were able to get the client past story and really into what they wanted and needed. I think by establishing trust and making the dialogue conversational, it allows the client to open themselves and understand their want and need.
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Summary Post
After some reflection and reading through everyone’s posts so far it is nice and somewhat relieving to know that we are all on similar paths. Similar in that we are all discover new ways to implement things into our clients experience and to some degree experimentation. Experimenting to see if the client can relate or dig deeper into their feeling. Some experiments fall flat with some clients where the same experiment can be monumental to other clients. Your experience shows me that just because something falls flat or may not hit the client in the right way doesn’t mean it was the wrong approach. As we get more comfortable in our own styles of coaching i think experimentation will become more natural and be better received by the client.
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Summary post,
I feel the same way, Ben. It is great to hear others are dealing with the same things, and that sometimes the same type of experiment just isn’t right for a person as it was for the other.
I have a tendency to slip back into my usual, comfortable, style with people. Some of that is very productive, and some of it I would prefer to not slip back into. When that happens the first thing I do when I notice that is go to my vision council and be with that. I still find that so profound. Not only do I then feel so supported, but I feel so much more relaxed and peaceful. I even feel like I am seeing the other person in a whole different way. Almost like I suddenly know them as one of my best friends from a long time ago and I am just getting a chance to really hear about their life journey and get “caught up”. It seems weird in a way, but it is so pronounced that it never fails to impress me with good feelings. The next thing I do is go to the fundamentals that we learned at the intensive regarding deep listening and reflecting. For me, if I am slipping into something that doesn’t work as well as I was thinking it might, doing those things turns things around fast. I still get bothered at times with thoughts such as, “is this enough?”. But my clients almost always give me some sense that I have maintained being where it is helpful for them.
Despite my best efforts, I still don’t have anyone that I have taken outside, much less tried a true gestalt experience on outside. I still don’t understand how to use gestalt in anything other than a verbal manner without it really being NCC. I am still open to hearing about other’s experiences in that manner to help me learn. But overall, it has been great connecting with those that were on this string and I appreciate all your comments and support.
And here we are again, where I get to say: Go Blues! Man it would be something if they won the Stanley Cup.
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Hi all!
My practice client is in a transitional place where they feel that they spend all of their energy taking care of everyone else’s needs but not their own. My client is actually my wife and I was able to successfully transition out of that role, as did she, to coach/client. My client has a therapist and she was interested to see a different approach than her therapist.
What steps did you take to establish the Coaching Relationship and focus the session?
Right away established trust by letting the client know this would be between us both and also added that I may need to discuss with my cohort, and client agreed. I asked permission to be the role of nature connected coach in that moment and we instantly stepped into the role of client and coach instead of wife and wife.How did or could Gestalt fit into your nature-connected coaching session?
We focused a lot on the present moment, and didn’t bring up much discussion about past or future, but a lot of awareness was created in those present moments.What challenges did you face? How did you adapt?
This session actually happened in a car ride, so that seemed like a big challenge to me because there was a driving focus during the session. However, we did experiment with parts work which proved to be REALLY powerful in what the topic was. During this the client stepped into her Nurturer and addressed her Soul and then had the Soul address back to the Nurturer, it proved to be a very moving experience for the client.What flowed and how did you build off it?
A lot of emotions flowed and I let the client sit in that present moment and take the time they needed to get through the emotional feelings of Partswork. After that passed, we began to make a plan of how to address what the Nurturer and Soul needs to both feel heard and appreciated. We developed a weekly plan and the client was really excited about the outcome.What did you learn about yourself and nature-connected coaching?
I learned that you really can have a session in any landscape. I was concerned about the car situation and it actually really worked out quite nicely, we had trees surrounding us during this drive which set a peaceful mood, and also got to see wildlife during this as well.I think focusing still on nature, even being in a moving car, helped this session to get the client to have a breakthrough.-
Melissa this is so amazing to read! I think it’s a really interesting way to work with your client in a car because sometimes things aren’t the way we plan them. I think it’s interesting that you were able to do parts work and Gestalt while driving in a car. I’d love to know if you planned it that way or it just happened? Furthermore, it’s so wonderful how you were able to facilitate a dialogue or introduce a dialogue to the Nurturer and Soul. The fact that you were able to have this deep discussion with your wife, driving in a car is really interesting and opens the door to unconventional yet powerful guiding roles we can show up in.
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MJ,
I enjoyed hearing about your experience with your client. I especially resonated with your ending point on the ability to do this anywhere – regardless of landscape. I am working to build a remote business long term, so in person is not likely. I enjoy bringing in our reality (digital, technology) as a partner, rather than constantly trying to change it. Getting creative and seeing how virtual or untraditional settings can still prove to be so powerful. Great post!
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MJ, that is interesting and very cool to see how you were able to both drop out of your intimate roles to something more “professional.” Working in a space that you did really showed myself more of how we really are working with and in nature all the time whether we consciously realize it or not. Reading about your experience it sounded like everything was flowing between Gestalt and Partswork, instead of trying to make it a checklist of things you two must be doing to try and accomplish.
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Wow Melissa! That is brave of you to work with your Wife and cut off the role piece. That is really inspiring especially that you did the session in the car!
Pretty cool that Partswork and Gestalt could be used together to help the client build more awareness behind specific parts that arose in the conversation. And that you even had a weekly plan to help address the issue.
Cars are so stressful to me and it seemed you were able to breakthrough and help ease the situation!
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*Summary Post*
I’m realizing that I don’t exactly have to do or say everything in an exact order. There are steps to take but each session and individual is so different, that there is room for play and for nature to take on its own part as well. The first intensive then I was in the fishbowl, I used the book and my notes and tried to do things in correct orders, saying the right thing, and focused too much on that structure, that I didn’t get to be as present with my client as I should have been.
Second time around, this past intensive, I put away the notes, the book, and gave my client my undivided attention, and let nature take its course. It felt a lot more authentic and being in the present and working with Gestalt principles really created a different awareness this time around. I look forward to learning more with this group, and I also look forward to reading more on the principles of Gestalt.
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Wow Ben, this is amazing! I really relate to what you say about being in your head. That is something I struggle with as a guide. I think it’s great that you were able to do an exercise that brought your client back into the moment and because of this, it brought you back into the body and less in your head. I also resonate with the slight struggle of the client being a friend. I tried coaching one of my friends and the friend in me kept coming out. It’s difficult when you’re close to someone to build that boundary around coach and client but awesome job bringing it all back to the client and allowing them to create a tangible perspective of where they were at. I think this is really powerful in the way in which we show up in different spaces and being cognizant of that as a guide.
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Summary Post
After my week of learning Gestalt and Partswork, I had an immense understanding of how complex we are as humans. Like Ben, I coached one of my really good friends after I got home and tried to bring in what I learned. Honestly, I felt too close to the situation because I’ve known her over ten years. Nonetheless, I think we both got a lot out of the session; her acknowledging and being cognizant that parts are there but me knowing who my ideal client would be. The friend in me kept coming out and I was very much in my head until something she said shifted my perspective. She was anxious and talking a lot about her story so I invited her to stand up and do a breathing exercise. My friend is someone on the go all the time. She never stops so in this moment I thought this could be a good way to get her back into her body, in the present moment. We took four surrender breathes as I invited her to feel the vibrations of her energy. Where were they? Did they move throughout her body? I invited her to notice her feet on the floor, etc. Amazingly (I was amazed with myself :)) she calmed her mind. Something I learned in that moment as well, if I’m getting very in my head, asking a client to do a breathing exercise and them complying also brings me back into my body and the present moment. I think it’s okay to feel out of touch at times because our bodies know what we need to do to become more present. After the session I even told her I was feeling a little disconnected from my guide role, and she had no idea! So much more to experiment with!-
^^^ This is my INITIAL POST 🙂
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Sorry so late with this. I’m back in the game and looking forward to seeing you all soon ~Sandy
Initial Post — Gestalt
I found I was already doing or aware of several elements of Gestalt before the Gestalt module—things like establishing/maintaining contact, bringing it back to the now, and doing experiments, so it was good to have these practices validated and named in the workshop. Others terms within the Boundary Disturbances I’d only heard vaguely, never really explored, so that is rich territory for me. I’m referring to noticing things like projection, retroflection, deflection, introjections, etc, and how most of our beliefs/interactions are made up of parts of these going on all the time.I have just started noticing these things with my clients now and find myself musing (“that feels like an introjection. I wonder where she got that?”). And then I can ask the client a potentially powerful question: “I wonder, how else does that belief show up in your life?”
So, it helps me identify those boundary disturbances—which often feel like Parts talking.
Often, when I’m with a client, I get an intuitive idea to do something with them, and I feel Gestalt now gives me greater permission to risk asking the client if it’s ok to try this idea. It’s an ‘experiment.’ This blends well with the 50-50 idea in the threshold experience in nature-connected coaching. As guide, I help to set up and I hold the container for clients as they step out with me into nature. What happens next could be termed a Gestalt ‘experiment’ in nature for me, and the client.
Gestalt has also made me much more conscious of nuances of body language—my own and the client’s, and how this can make or break contact with a client. I’ve found it important to watch how I show up in my full body, in particular how I use my hands in a session. Excessive hand movement on my part can be distracting and take us away from the moment. I feel like I am just starting to tune into people’s body language on a deeper ‘gestalt’ level, and it feels like there will always be more to observe, to sense, and to learn.
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Sandy,
I love your questioning, “I wonder, where else is that belief showing up in your life?” The genuine curiousity you hold and the way you bring it in is so authentic. Also, I really thank you for mentioning your intuition. I myself rely and use my intuition regularly and as time goes on am really allowing my intuition to come into play with my clients. And guess what? It’s almost always a solid next step! It is nice to see someone else bringing that in as well.
Thank you as always for your share!
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Sandy,
Enjoyed your post about Gestalt!
It was cool to see how you have adjusted to use Gestalt even though you were already aware of it from your past work. What is so neat is how to are starting to notice where clients are at with their introjections etc and making yourself curious again and drawn to the moment.
I curious on how these questions are drawing you more into the conscious conversation mode. Whenever I have a conversation with you I can definitely become aware of these myself. You do such a great job with that!
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*Final Post*
In reflecting on the Gestalt module and re-reading everyone’s posts, i feel deep gratitude for the Gestalt created and held here by our cohort group. We learn from each other in so many different ways, and I keep reflecting on how my journey as coach-in-training is so like the journey I am asking my clients to take, frought with setbacks, and spurts of growth. So, Gestalt has been interesting for me to use and reflect back on my own behavior and habits–how much I project on others, how much I unconsciously have introjected over time, and how all it sits like unquestioned concrete…I see these things in myself honestly and with some humor even. But I do own them, and wish to change them in myself. So, this has been useful to see and now to use this perception more and more with my clients, to catch myself hearing introjects from them because I have ‘practiced’ and been paying attention to hearing it from myself too. We’re all works in progress! This growing humility around my own humanness makes me a more accessible, and hopefully more effective, coach. -
Summary Post
I think Gestalt is an incredible way of getting clients back into the present moment. It’s a way for them to challenge that future voice that’s speaking and allow them to come back into the present moment. I enjoyed learning that Gestalt means “whole” and because humans are so complex, it’s easy for us to feel like we’re not whole. Logically, it makes sense. Nonetheless, bringing someone back into the present moment, in a session or just a conversation, can be tricky. I like how Gestalt allows room for experimentation, integration and challenge. The fact that we have certain reactions to certain situations means that our brain is protecting us and because of this, we mold future experiences based on the past. Gestalt is a way for us to challenge those unconscious reactions, and bring us into the present to create a new way of being. Something that I wrote down that Derek mentioned, “Fully present with my own humanness.” This spoke to me deeply. Appreciating, living, being with our own humanness can feel so overwhelmingly gratuitous. We are able. We are alive. We are here. This is one of the reasons that Gestalt also scares me on a personal level because it’s inviting us to show up in ways that we never had before or have been avoiding. I enjoy playing around with the experiments while it also scares me to be “wrong.” Even though this is a fear (one of my parts talking!) I love the challenge and intrigue it’s brought upon someone who I’ve coached.
One way that I’ve created a Gestalt experiment with a client is focusing on their language. She was speaking in the future and I invited her to come back into present moment. I asked “what is something in your life that makes you feel connected to your soul?” Asking this question allowed her to take a moment of silence, and what was presented was an answer that grounded her back into the here and now. -
Initial Post:
• What steps did you take to establish the Coaching Relationship and focus the session?
• This was interesting. This was with a current client, so the Coaching Relationship was established. For focus, I simply mentioned being open to trying something new.
• How did or could Gestalt fit into your nature-connected coaching session?
• I find that I weave gestalt in when trying to bring the brain trying to “figure it out” back to the body and somatic experience of how that is feeling with those thoughts/ideas. I love this tool as an awareness exercise and bringing it in to help your client understand how something is affecting them.
• How did or could you collaborate with Nature and combine Gestalt and Coaching principles?
• I did not pull in nature for my practice session, but could see nature being a great gestalt partner. In using parts of it to bring in the parallel to what they are experiencing. If they are having trouble articulating what they are feeling, nature is a great support where they can look out on the land and say that they feel as heavy as the boulder or as grounded as that mountain.
• What challenges did you face? How did you adapt?
• I found it a bit challenging to bring in body awareness for some folks. I adapted by providing some examples of words they could use to describe it.
• What flowed and how did you build off it?
• I find it interesting with this, most of my clients visually “shift” when I bring them out of a past or future story and into the present of how it is making them feel. I find that will be more and more the case as we continue in this digital and fast-paced era. The first time asking how they are feeling now always gets a bit of a pause and curiousity, but continuing to weave that in really heightens the ability to come back to the present and the body to understand how the thoughts/story/idea are impacting the body right now.
• What did you learn about yourself and nature-connected coaching?
• I learned that I get easily swept away in the story. And can get caught listening to the “how” or “why” all day. However, as a guide, it is my job to dance with that storytelling and forward progress. Always learning and playing. Also, that this isn’t black and white. This continues to be a learning curve for me coming from corporate background where you do x, then y, then z. In coaching, you start with z and then pop over to k, back to z and then q, b, l, and c.
• How do the readings relate and interact with the face to face material and your work with your practice clients?
• Yes, more about the background and the why. I love to have the information on how and why it works and then the field experience of seeing it in action.
• What ideas do you have for how you might use Gestalt and nature-connected coaching in the future with your client?
• I want to work on developing a rich vocabulary for gestalt-focused questions. The power of verbiage in questioning is palpable in coaching and this is an area I desire to consistently grow in.
• How does Gestalt Therapy effect or enhance your Coaching Presence and approach?
• I think it really brings your client trust in that you are truly in the present moment and connected to them. To have someone so present is a rarity these days, so the coaching presence is helping to connect on a deeper level.
• How does Nature-Connected Practices, and Gestalt Therapy interface?
• At first, it was difficult for me to see how, but after playing a bit here, it seems more natural. Not ever that it has to be all gestalt or all parts or any other technique. However, having the knowledge gives you the freedom to weave these tools in where naturally fitting. -
Summary Post:
I learned a lot in gestalt and through this forum. What I took away is that we all have different styles and preferences and that will change with each client, session and landscape. All goes back to THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY to do this beautiful work. It truly is about deep connection with your client and creatively finding ways to bring awareness and insight to them. Great session and posts.
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Initial Post
Working in Gestalt has been very beneficial for working with one of the clients, as her problem is not being in the present moment enough. She has found that she is in constant daydreams that take her out of the present moment. Establishing the coaching agreement is always about letting them know that there is no judgment and it is a safe and sacred space to be heard and to speak truthfully from the heart. Working outside in a park I had her simply just acknowledge the experience of what is being felt. Not to express anything, but truly experience it. Right now. In this moment. This was helpful to actually be in the present moment, and when the habits of daydreaming came up of leaving the present moment we would go back to the experience of feeling in the here and now.
As a coach it helped show me how one of my strengths is being connected to the present moment, and not listen to negative self-talk that is saying I’m not in the present moment so how can I help someone else be present.
Being outside really helped too because there was so much to experience in the natural world that hasn’t been constructed by humans. The texture of the grass on the feet, and what feelings that shows. The colors of the sky, the strength of the wind, and the smell of the moment. How all these help to show the person what is actually happening in this moment, and not be carried away by stories of the mind to far away places.
The challenges faced in the coaching session is the same one I face, along with many others in every day life which is to actually be present with the experience and not the story of the mind that creates narratives within narratives that develop into a complex drama of the human experience. To help adjust with this as a coach/human being just a simple whisper of “Be Here Now” works. For the client it is that, but also working to help evoke a state of being present. Not thinking about being present, leading back to another narrative.
