-
Partswork 2 Module>Participate in the Online Discussion (Jun 24 – Jul 5, 2019)
-
16 Replies
-
Initial post:
I am reflecting back on the session that I had with Lauren on site. She was in discussions with her sister about collaborating on running a gym. She was feeling very excited about the prospect of working with people who are focused on health and wellness. This business, in contrast with her current role, would also afford a better lifestyle for her and Angelina, not working weekends and nights and not working 20 hour days; she would have a more focused, balanced and organized lifestyle.
Our focus for this session ultimately became how to navigate her resignation which was causing her a lot of anxiety: guilt around leaving, severing the working relationship while preserving relationships, confidence in how she would communicate her decision, notice period and pressure to stay. Through the discussion, she identified that she needed to feel confident and articulate going into her resignation meeting.
So, after we identified the deeper need, we separated and each created a plan for how to approach the situation and then came back together to discuss it. Lauren really liked my plan and there were a number of areas where I saw opportunity:
1. going forwards in a longer term coaching relationship, we could use the concentric circle exercise
2. PARTSWORK: Lauren’s confidence tends to get undermined when she’s triggered so how could we understand what part of her that is, how can we develop awareness around those triggers and what tools could she put in place to guard against them, practice responses and look into her past were she’s been challenged but she has prevailed (data works for her) and proven to herself that her instincts were correct
2a. something she identified for herself was the importance of speaking her own truth and not owning others’ reactions – how can she prioritize what she wants while co-existing with someone else’s journey
2b. she created a mantra “any decision I make with my heart is the right decision”
During our discussion, she wants to develop a practice for feeling more confident in herself while also exploring the part of her which lacks confidence. We discussed the need to create a way to change this and work on neuroplasticity.
There was another clear opportunity to work on a part which was perhaps related but perhaps not, to the confidence challenge – her ability to get comfortable with seeing herself as successful. We discussed her having a virtual High 5 or going to a place she loves (sunset cliffs) to congratulate herself (“this feels ridiculous!”). She recognized that while words of affirmation make her uncomfortable, she does value them and need them, but they must be genuine. Again, this is an opportunity for Partswork – what part needs it and what part rejects it?
Finally, we discussed whether, in fact, her anticipation of reactions was even fair – is she projecting opinions and reactions that aren’t there? Again, we came back to this likely being triggered by her own guilt and sense of obligation to others and she asked the question ‘how can I put myself and my needs ahead?’.
In the time we had, we focused on addressing the immediate need which was to create a plan for her resignation, in which she felt confident. However, as a Coach, there were many opportunities, as noted above, to explore those parts of Lauren that create blockages to her forward movement, to generate awareness of triggers which cause her to doubt herself and tools which she can use to increase her confidence in the moment.
This session actually flowed very easily and we did not encounter challenges. However, I could see that partnering with someone who was not versed in nature connected coaching might be resistant, or find the concept of parts hard to grasp, initially. Introducing Partswork, per se, isn’t that hard but asking someone to talk to a tree while imagining it’s their father, might be difficult to lean into! As a Coach, I would likely be gentle in this approach and even make a bit of a joke that it could feel odd but to throw caution aside and see what happens.
So, as I think about future meetings around these topics, I would likely use a tool which Michael used with me – have Lauren identify something in nature with which she could have a conversation and then invite her to have a conference with her parts, as they show up. Personally, while this sounds strange on paper, when you’re in the moment, the ‘something in nature’ you select becomes the person you’re addressing. I would work with Lauren outside so that she could find a comfortable and safe space and have the dialogue she needs to have with the third party but also her parts.
As it relates to how Partswork and Nature Connected coaching interface, I see them as pretty symbiotic. I don’t think that they always have to be but having experienced it myself, I found it to be a very non-threatening way of being able to have a very difficult conversation with someone who wasn’t there. I had the physiological reaction to the conversation, as if my father were there, and I felt so much lighter after. I see Partswork as an opportunity for someone to have a conversation which they may never have with the person but at least can voice their feelings in a way which feels empowering and perhaps lays the groundwork for future conversations. I believe that once you’ve been able to say the words, something inside shifts and hopefully gives that person the confidence to believe that, at a minimum, a conversation/change might be possible.-
Wendy:
It’s very interesting to relive that intensive through your words! As I read your post, I literally could physically feel in my body, how I felt during that week. I had some serious fear, stress and self-doubt going on, and it’s crazy how different I feel now. And I must say, as my coach, you really helped me get to a place where I felt like I could take the leap of faith. Some things that really hit home for me from your coaching and our focus on partswork, were your ability to really pull those different parts to the surface, to address them individually and respectfully, to come up with a plan, and to follow through with me as your client.
I remember the night before I gave my notice, and I had gone over my ‘speech’ to myself several times. I called you that night to tell you I was resigning the next day, and you reminded me to set boundaries, not assume any particular reaction, and remind myself that, ‘any decision i make with my heart is the right one.’
As we all know, the conversation with my boss was the total opposite of what I thought was going to happen (and I had consumed myself with that for months), she cried, but congratulated me, and now we are friends. Life is funny how your environment reacts to authenticity and positive decisions. 😉
I think Partswork is a really easy way to work with clients and a great way to relate to your client on several levels. I believe if the coach can embrace Partswork and it’s potential, then the client buys into it, and the session can have a great flow working in and out of that. I remember the first time I experienced Partswork with Michael and I thought it made sense, but that theory and coaching, require a certain sense of open-mindedness, that could result in a total train wreck. I was so resistant to it, but maybe I just felt totally uncomfortable with how real things were getting. Wendy, when you said, ‘I believe that once you are able to say the words, something inside shifts and hopefully gives that person the confidence to believe that, at the minimum, a conversation/change might be possible’. That is what you gave me, and I really appreciate it!
-
-
Wendy, this was written so beautifully and painted a really great picture of your time with Lauren. You were very clear about Lauren’s work with speaking her own truth. It sounds like there was a clear intention on what happens when Lauren is triggered and how the two of you were to create a mantra that created a new possibility in her life. I also really like how you mention someone who is not familiar with parts work or nature connection could find this concept a bit hard to grasp. Talking to a tree who you are envisioning as your father could potentially be weird (HA) but I think most people relate to this idea that there are so many complexities about us and partswork brings that into their lens.
-
Initial Post
During my fishbowl at the Star House, my partner and I created an open bond from the beginning. He helped me a lot identify which parts of mine were clashing and it created a possibility of being more open to my parts working together. When it was my turn to coach him, he immediately was accepting of moving into partswork. In fact, this had been a session that he wanted to do for a while now. As we sat in the grass, there were a couple different parts coming up. The Escape Artists was one with the loudest voice, who helped him run and avoid the things in life he did not want to deal with. So we spoke to the Escape Artist for a while, working to understand how he served my client. Mainly what we received from this part was that he protects my client but does in fact suppress the Little Boy. This part did not want to come speak in the space we were in, so my client and I (and the transcriber) walked over to the big tree with the swing. My client sat down on the swing and we sat in silence for a few moments.
The Little Boy was very hesitant to come out, very reluctant to speak. My client’s was able to speak about why this part did not want to come out, dealing with trauma from childhood. As I spoke to this part and asked them more questions about how he serves my client, what is he scared of, what does he want and need, he became more open to talking about it. Ultimately, the Little Boy needed to be nurtured and loved. Now the Escape Artist never went away, and the two parts and Soul were able to create a communication around what the Little Boy needed. This created a trifecta of communication, stemming from where each part was going to show up in my client’s life and how they were going to work together.
With the work we do, especially partswork, I believe we embody those parts so authentically because humans have such an inherent connection to nature.-
I remember that session being very powerful for me, and how I knew on a visceral level that those parts needed to be seen and heard. This is a good reminder for me to let go of attachment to outcome and trust the process. I sometimes have expectations for myself as a guide that are reliant on the outcome of a clients process. Sometimes energy just needs to move and parts just need to be empowered to come out, whether it’s to voice needs and requests from other parts or simple to be allowed to be themselves. That session is a good reminder of the power of letting parts out and giving them permission to simply be themselves.
-
-
Response to Amanda:
Congratulations on being perceptive enough to realize that in changing locations you were able to create a safe space for the Little Boy part to show himself!
I also appreciated how you created the three-way conversation, through Soul. It’s an interesting concept that everything goes thru’ Soul and that there is no judgement, just openness and support from Soul. You also mentioned that the Escape Artist remained very present and I wonder what tools your client might leverage to ensure that, while protective, that part doesn’t dominate to the point of suppressing the Little Boy.
One of the skills I have always seen in you, from early on in our course, is your ability to ask the question ‘how does that serve you’ – there’s an intuition in your coaching when you ask that question that I still have to learn; it’s such an important question because it can change the relationship the client has to that part. Instead of seeing it as hostile, the relationship can be turned around into one of understanding. Again, I really appreciate the intuitive nature with which you ask this question. -
Amanda:
I feel like you did a really great job with your client in the ability to bring significant parts to the table and ask them so pretty direct questions. I think that may have really helped your clients embrace that part, in order to speak it’s truth. Asking questions like, ‘what does you want/need, what are you scared of, how are you serving this person?’, gave your client a voice for some of his parts that maybe aren’t always heard from. I personally could tell that your sessions with him really got him to start breaking down the walls he has built so high around him. I worked with him later that week, and he was very confident in his parts and their place in his world, and was able to speak authentically from each of them. I give you credit for getting him to that point! Great job!
I thought your connection with the soul and two other parts, was really special, and also well guided by you. I feel like sometimes as a coach, I forget to recognize the Soul and the importance of it to the client. Great job with that!
I wonder if you were able to do any threshold experiments with your client, and see if he was able to recognize the Little Boy’s needs, and then start figuring out ways that he could incorporate those into his daily life? -
Initial Post:
I am using my session with Wendy during our intensive in May. Wendy at the time, had quite a few things going on. She was not happy with her job and wanted ‘someone’ to fix it for her. She wanted the total package of happiness in her house, job, dog, friends, etc. She wanted her depression to subside, her house to be finished, the weather to shift, and more physical energy. After we sifted through the things she had control over and what she didn’t, Wendy realized the main issue was her job. She felt as if she was going through the motions at work, didn’t feel safe in her role, and essentially wanted an ultimatum at work so she could quit.
We discussed what she needed to happen and/or how she needed to feel in order to leave her job. I sensed a lot of fear around these questions, and parts of her that played different roles. There is a major part that is responsible. She needed a back-up plan, financial safety, the ability to go on disability or be ok with taking from her savings. She wasn’t ready to be self-employed but also didn’t want to ‘run-away’ back to California. The responsible parts of Wendy were definitely taking the drivers seat, but I kept hearing from other parts of her that wanted to be HAPPY and JOYFUL. On several occasions, Wendy said she wanted to be in a place of appreciation (of where she was and what she had), to reconnect with herself, to feel whole again, to find joy and peace, a way to manage her mental health, and eventually a vacation.
Wendy worked on some mantras to be able to focus on her deeper need, and came up with ‘I want to feel and show the joy that I know I am’. I loved this, because she was able to see past the financial concerns (that are always overwhelming), and really tap into what was going to make WENDY happy.
Wendy continued to focus in on these topics and came up with a bit of a plan with some milestones.
JOB: Needed to change. Quit, find a new one or take short-term disability. Has the ability to be financially confident. Gave herself 3 months to find a new job.
MENTAL HEALTH: work on managing depression. Check in with Dr., find practices to feel more grounded. Focus on awareness of depression before it becomes to much.
CONNECTION TO SELF: ‘Build pathways and practices to connect.’ Celebrate successes. Awareness of self and how outside factors affect her. Take time to connect with other, even if it’s to unload.
CONNECTION TO NATURE: Find additional practices to connect with nature besides walking. Vacation more often. Yearly trips to Yosemite 😉 Planting things in her new garden room.
REFLECTION ON CHANGE: How do these things bring joy? If they don’t, don’t do them!
A cool little nature connection we did was notice the seasons and how it is a structure of change. A git from Mother Earth, that is normal and imperative to the function of the environment, and not something to be afraid of. We talked about the wild flowers that were outside, that were enjoying the warm sun one day and then getting covered in spring snow, and how RESILIENT they are (just like her)! Things in life come up and back again several times. What have we learned in the past and how do we deal with it this time? I also wanted her to notice that her move to Colorado was a good choice, made with serious intention, and she was right where she needed to be.
Wendy’s Judge and Child are strong parts of her. They tend to take over when things don’t ‘seem’ to be going as planned. Wendy also spoke about her relationship with her Father and how, although full of joy and respect, can sometimes cause these parts to kick into high gear. She started to change her mantra a bit to “I am joy and live a joyful life”. Wendy talked about how Joy comes from the Soul, so we spent some time speaking from the Soul and how the Soul can be checked in with often.
I personally feel that Partswork is an amazing tool, but can be very intrusive and emotional to our clients. I think having a strong connection and solid trust with your client, allows them to really dig deep into Partswork. Michael did an amazing session with Wendy that I observed and plan to take with me to work with my own clients. I call it the ‘Wendy and Wood Pole Dad.’ Michael did a great job with calling out Wendy’s different parts and physically having her move to get into these parts. When Wendy would say ‘you should…’ he would interject with ‘who’s saying that?’ He also did a great job with mirroring her body language as those parts. I think this really helps the client with language and point of view. The coach and client can notice the emotions/feelings associated with that part, and you can have the client verbalize that. Michael ended up having Wendy eventually talk to her Dad (the Wood Pole in the Star House), as a threshold experiment. It was important to see that he focused on the STRENGTH that Wendy and that Part had in that moment, and congratulated that Part for it. He then tied it together, by having her go back to her Mandala and do a final check-in with those Parts (integration).
I felt that Wendy and I did a great job of coming to her greater need and want, identifying what needed to happen for change, coming up with a plan, and being gentle with herself. From watching Michael interact with Wendy, I gathered a lot of great ideas of ways to work Partswork into sessions with my clients. I would say it takes a certain level of confidence on both sides to go deep with this theory, but it can be really amazing and super helpful for your client.-
Lauren,
I appreciate how well-rounded the work you two did together sounds – looking at all aspects of life through the lens of soul-directed living. I think that’s really important for clients in order to begin to see just how remarkable their life can be when they’re committed to themselves. I also appreciate your notes on the session Wendy had with Michael. The things you pointed out were some of the most transformational and informative examples of powerful partwork that he offered us.
-
-
Response to Lauren:
First off, your post was hilarious and, like you, took me right back to the Starhouse!
I remember working with you like it was yesterday and I remember my experience with Michael vividly. Partswork is powerful stuff and shows up in ways, I think, that we’re not even aware of so, to have a skillful Guide who can bring this to your attention and partner with you while working thru’ the challenges is like nothing I’ve ever experienced or witnessed before.
I appreciate your observations around how strong my Judge and Child are – I don’t think I’d realized the strength of the child before. I know that I feel very responsible as a daughter but don’t think I’d quite grasped how strongly she guides my, almost, every decision.
Your observation that Partswork can be intrusive really resonates and I don’t think I have been able to find the right word previously but I agree with you,. I can feel intrusive without trust. We are fortunate that we have that trust built up but how interesting to consider that, without trust, it could feel intrusive to a new client. I wonder how to position it in a way that feels supportive, before you’ve had the luxury of building trust. -
Summary post:
I just used Partswork today with a client and it was amazing to watch her unfold. It’s so true that once you can break into the concept and understand how the/what parts are reacting to situations, the problem(s) become so much more manageable. I remember how desperate I felt when I was there and the power of having Lauren guide me thru’ the fear and helplessness to a place of empowerment and resolution, simply by understanding what was underneath my feelings and who was driving.
I also used my mantra as an example to my client today which was an interesting experience. She was triggered by the word as she’s not a Buddhist but once she reframed it to be a ‘positive affirmation’ she could move forward. A couple of her parts showed up loud and strong today and she acknowledged that it’s been a long time since she’s created any space or awareness around them. It was powerful to see her sit with that realization and lean into wanting to explore it more.
In reading Lauren’s post, I hadn’t really considered the possibility of Partswork being intrusive but it’s given me food for thought. I have been passionate about how strongly it resonated for me and therefore how much I want to use it in my service to others but, it reminds me that this isn’t about me, it’s about meeting the client where they’re at and, that might not be Partswork at the outset. What a great realization – thank you! -
Lauren, I think you did a really great job in creating an outline of what you and Wendy were working with and the realizations Wendy was having. Something that really spoke to me about your post was when you mentioned the Judge and Child. Almost polarizing parts characteristically speaking, and yet they were the ones speaking the loudest to Wendy. I remember the session Michael did with Wendy and how interjecting actually allowed Wendy to notice it wasn’t her or just that one part coming up. Something that I appreciate about Wendy is her vulnerability to work with these parts even though there could be resistance.
It’s wonderful that you and Wendy have such a close, loving relationship that creates such openness and vulnerability during your sessions. As a guide, you did great job helping her identify what she wants and how she needs to be through Partswork. -
Summary Post
I haven’t worked with a practice client in a while. I don’t know if anyone else has noticed this about partswork but has anyone been catching the voice(s) in their head and are cognizant to it? Does anyone else ask the question, “who is speaking?” I’ve noticed I do this often; somebody is speaking and I become very aware of it right after I experience something of significance. Granted, I talk to myself all day and do not constantly ask myself “who is speaking?” but, I’ve created an intention of becoming more aware to my inner monologue. I feel as though if I can program myself to be this aware than I really can help other people. I’ve created the possibility of not staying on autopilot all the time and asking myself meaningful questions throughout the day. I think Partswork has opened the creation of me knowing myself more than ever and I know that I’ve helped the people in my life bring that to their reality, even though they aren’t a client. -
Initial Post:
The parts work session that stands out to me was one I had at work. This is one of two times I’ve been able to do parts work with clients, mainly because I have only received permission once to use this technique with clients. The client I am writing on was not the one I was given permission to use this intervention with. Let’s call him John.
John came out to the field mid-week with another client. They had both traveled and gone through the intake process the previous day and made it out to the desert midafternoon. John presented as highly functional, quite different from his near peer who was delusional and presented symptoms of borderline personality disorder. The group of clients they were coming into was particularly challenging – a group put together for being more “failure to launch” than recovering addicts; their culture consisted of mostly racism, sexism, frat and hazing culture, and blatant toxic masculinity. The culture of the group was not an emotionally safe space for John and I could tell he was using caution.
The next day I made some time to get to know John and why he was in treatment. Depression, video game addiction and substance abuse, inability to hold a job. I used some of my own story to build rapport and offer some tools for self-reflection and insight, explaining to him how some of my own parts interact with one another and how they used to serve me but no longer do. He had a profound interest in parts work and used what little I told him to understand aspects of what was happening for him. The week went on and there was no time to work one-on-one.
Finally, during the last night of the week in the field, John declared he was going to leave the program and that nothing anyone said could change his mind. Given the circumstances, I was able to go off and do some work with him. We were able to name some of his parts that were coming up for him: the inner child, the escape artist, the connector, and the sage. As we moved from part to part, deeper and deeper into the internal dynamic that was at play, we began to uncover what was happening. His inner child was so deeply afraid of failure and abuse that it was hiring the escape artist to make John leave the program to protect him from harmful relationships and the feeling of failure. John’s sage and connector wanted to stay. The connector wanted to use the opportunity to strengthen John’s ability to connect with others, to himself, and to nature. The Sage knew that John had wound’s that could find some resolution and healing while in treatment. It felt like a debate, not dissimilar to the dichotomous disagreements of our duel-party system. There was no resolution in sight.
What was even more interesting was our work with the Soul. I’m convinced he wasn’t able to access the Soul, or that his parts were overrunning the Soul. Every time I guided him to Soul, using multiple techniques, he would jump into another part. Either the Connector or the Escape artist – mostly the escape artist, who had mastered the art of sounding like he was deeply contemplative and doing what was best while secretly sticking to an agenda. It became a game for a while to catch different parts trying to play the Soul.
The outcome of the session was remarkable to me. John had unearthed and gained insight into an internal dynamic that had run his life for years. He spoke from his deepest patterns and coping mechanisms and from his deepest wisdom and desires to change. And yet, despite this new insight and giving voice to his inner wisdom, he was unwilling to change anything. John named that he was actively choosing to go against his inner wisdom and choose escapism, fully acknowledging that he may not have another opportunity to be supported in this change the way he could in treatment.
I later found out that John’s father was emotional absent and abusive, creating a story John took on that he was unworthy of love and connection, was not acceptable the way he was, and anything he did was never enough. John therefore left places and people before he could fail or be abandoned first. His core wounds were so painful and he did everything in his power to avoid feeling them.
To be honest, this story is nothing outstanding or unique for the clients that I work with. The part that I had a hard time sitting with was his stern decision to continue his patterns. He knew the impact of his decision would inhibit change and go against his deeper insight, and for the first time ever he owned what he was doing and had done for years. What also intrigued me was John’s inability to either access Soul or how parts may have taken on the leader role and potentially impose their dominance on the Soul or try to impersonate it.
When an individual is so wounded and/or protective, their desire and ability to change, even when guided into the contemplative stage of change, may be defeated by the desire to protect their core wound. This story has me sitting with some deep questions. Does some level of healing our core wound need to happen before accessing Soul and living a soul directed life, or must we tap into and honor soul-directed actions in order to begin healing? How does one push past defenses and patterns that block them from alignment with Soul, and is it possible if the patterns are too strong or the client is unwilling?
-
Summary Post
I love doing partwork. I find it to be one of the most effective ways to unveil internal dynamics and promote energetic movement within oneself. My biggest takeaways from the Partwork 2 intensive were how to track the energy and presence of parts and noting when other parts come up, and the importance of either matching the energy of a part of empowering the part by modelling the energy it wants to take on. I’m honestly really disappointed that I’m currently unable to do deep partswork and soul work. I recently hit the one-year mark at my job, and I can only think of, at best, a handful of clients that I’ve been able to do deep work with.
-
Summary Response:
I love Partswork, even though it can be very intimate and vulnerable. It has been challenging to work with my own Parts and Soul. I believe that Partswork helps clients, as long as they are open to it.
My takeaways from this intensive were, learning and practicing tracking, calling out Parts and interactive and reflective exercises/threshold. I have also continued to work on my listening skills and to be aware of any resistance from clients, as this approach may be intrusive to some clients.
I really resonated with David’s client ‘session’. I have also worked in wilderness therapy, and have seen that same story some many times. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the same education, training or experience 13 years ago. I always felt like something was missing and I wished I could have done more.
I agree with David, in that ‘some level of healing our core wound needs to happen before accessing the Soul.’ Over time and with practice, the ability to push past defenses and patterns, blocking them from connection to Soul, is possible. A lot of reflection needs to happen.
Connecting Partswork with Grief and Trauma, by using Neurobiology, Gestalt and Somatic practices, is such a holistic approach. I’m happy that this is my base, and look forward to figuring out the ‘best’ way to live a Soul-Connected life.
