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Partswork Discussion Sept 2019
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44 Replies
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“Becoming a genuine individual requires learning the oppositions within oneself. Those who fail or refuse to face the oppositions within have no choice but to find enemies to project upon. Enemy simply means a “not-friend;” unless a person deals with the not-friend within they require enemies around them.”
― Michael Meade -
Initial Post –
My parts work coaching session didn’t start as a coaching session. I was talking with a friend, as a friend, when he started talking to me about coming to grips on where he is with his career. He has made a decision to stay at his current high level executive position but was having a hard time coming to accept this. It became a natural segue to talk about the parts within him that got to this decision and what parts were stopping his full acceptance. I asked him if he’d like to do a coaching session on this and there we went.What worked really well with this session is that the parts work felt like a clear cut path to follow vs. feeling forced.
One of the biggest challenges I faced when doing this with him was having to step back and explain parts work which interrupted the flow of our conversation. It made me want to come up with an assignment before doing the coaching session(s) of having my clients identify their parts. Basically a simplified version of the work we did. Maybe even a worksheet to follow through this. Especially so with clients like this person who are curious about the process as well as the actual guiding through the issues.
Once we got through this, I found with this client that he kept wanting to stay in the story. Every time as we moved into the deeper need behind this, he’d jump back into the story. I also observed that he was staying between Contact and Satisfaction in the Cycle of Experience. And while he acknowledged that different parts of him that are driving his unease, I’m not sure that he completely bought into the idea of reconciling these parts with the soul. It made me realize I need to learn more on how to guide really bringing these together to tie it back in with the soul.
I’m finding that it’s hard to stay with just one tool in the toolbox. There is a blurred line with what we know how to do to this point as coaches and then practice just one part of it. But then we are all about being connected so it makes sense that everything we have to work with and do is all connected. Admittedly I’m only partway through the readings at this time and am more relying on what we learned at the intensive to figure my way through this!
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Hi Kim! I love that your doing partswork came up organically, and the idea of a partswork worksheet! and thank you for reminded me to pay attention where the client is in the cycle of experience. I too found that I had to step out of the partswork process to allow for clarificatoin, explanations, questions. I feel like not having to do this will take practice and become more flowing as we go.
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Thanks for bringing up the Cycle of Experience, Kim! I need to revisit this. So far, I have been primarily using the Parts work in a way to assess two (or more) sides to a decision. We are not really even getting to naming Parts or we may label them in the moment (does have a bit of a Gestalt feel)… “Who is opposed to this and who is pushing this? – Are there others with an opinion?” Then we break it down to each of these parts, maybe referred to as Non-Conformist and Conformist. And have a conversation with the Soul, each part, voicing their concerns or desires. Then the Soul reflecting back what is being heard and affirming that part for it’s role. Has been very insightful but I was wondering if we are missing more, I think revisiting the Cycle of Experience may help me there.
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Hey Kim, Explaining Partswork to a client that has not yet been exposed to it still feels like a daunting experience to me as I would wish my client to throw herself into it with all her being. That said, I like to idea of prepping the client in advance, with just enough information to get them started to identify their key parts. As I saw all of us diving into Partworks with much enthusiasm, and really not a lot of teaching, I believe there is a simple way to describe it that would talk to the client. I am trying to craft something!! 😉
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Kim,
Great work seizing the moment, asking for permission to coach and diving into partswork where you saw that it might be helpful! This is awesome!!
Yes, as most of you noted, it can be interesting to find your way into explaining partswork to clients. For many of us, the concept is natural–it’s not a stretch to understand that we have multiple parts inside of us wanting different things. This is something most of us can intuitively sense. And there can be a feeling of relief for a coach to acknowledge that situation that we already well know exists and is most likely causing some blockage.
So, since this is intuitive for many of us, think about what actually needs to be explained or communicated with your clients in order to do partswork with them.
In my experience, there are some clients that I can flow into partswork with them without giving a huge explanation or doing the mandala work, and some where we dive in deeper focusing a lot of our work using this tool. In these cases, I have found it helpful to send the client some homework to journal their parts and then when we come back together we will do the interview process creating a mandala.
See what you think the client might need to know about this way of working with themselves and how you can craft a little explanation (it’s really a teaching moment).
The point you made, Kim, about practicing guiding clients back to Soul is a really good one too! What do you know about your experience during the intensives that can be a guide for you to be able to guide others to Soul? What have been the most effective practices or experiences you’ve had that have helped you access Soul?
Awesome work!!!
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PartsWork initial post
I met with my client online. She’d been thinking about her different parts since our last session.
To establish the coaching relationship and focus the session we went through the regular intro of asking permission for me to be her coach/guide, confidentiality, and a check in to sink in and centre before starting the session. We briefly discussed what had/hadn’t been done form the “homework” from the last session and anything new that’s come up.
She chose to explore what some of her parts are during the session today which I find turned out to be a good idea before she did more so on her own incase she had any questions, making sure she was looking at if from the soul level, needed any more explanation.
Nature came in very easily as the client used a nature analogy naming her first part.
The original goal was to create a list f parts but in identifying the first one a need arose for that part so I adapted by explaining a bit more on how the process works and how the soul can help getting that need be met through conversing with other parts.
I feel like this flowed well as learning about it is easiest done by experiencing it.
I learned that there are lots of different elements I want to add to my coaching practice and that often times they are brought up by the clients, not me wondering if I should bring it up which helps me feel like it will all fit together nicely!
I’ve been reading Mindsight and it really brings it all together nicely with why we/people do/say/think the way we do and how we can change for the better!
I’d love to add parts work in as much as I can even if it’s informally during a session. We all seem to say part of me this, part of me that and being aware of that is very insightful.
PartsWork enhances my coaching approach by helping me feel more comfortable and natural in listening and watching for cues and information into what my client is, or isn’t saying or expressing openly and the duality and conflicts they are experiencing.
The need for dropping into a soul level to do partsowrk fits great into NCC because it encourages connection at that level. I feel nature’s metaphors bring a gentle side to what can seem scary to some clients. I noticed too that sharing my experience in working with parts work can help explain it well and show how it works.
NCC, PW are both physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, all encompassing and I am excited to learning and practicing more on myself, and with clients.-
Great job Melody following where the client is going and need in the moment!!
You always find a way to bring Nature, even on an online call, that is awesome. I cannot say the same for me. 🙁 I find it hard on a call.-
Oh my gosh, I hear you Nadine! Finding my way with incorporating nature in the online sessions has been a journey. Stay curious about how you might do this in little ways that work for you. Some ideas that might get the creative juices flowing:
– meet with clients outside (do a phone call from an outdoor place or put Zoom on your phone and encourage your clients to do the same)
– bring a little nature into your home office (sticks, rocks, a fountain, flowers)
– work with visualizations and imaginationWhat other ideas might you all have??
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Yes Nadine, I do believe the video is helpful over a call. Seeing their expressions helps and the connection feels different, however I noticed that it was difficult for my client to speak in the first person to the other part/Soul, when my face was there to address. I had to encourage her to speak to them not me. That may still be an issue with a phone call but I am curious if it may be easier. Also probably really depends upon the individual. I was also very aware how the emotions can play in deeper and the importance of the first person direct conversation to the “empty chair” instead of explaining the answer the parts is saying to me (if that makes sense?)
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Awesome Melody!
I’m so psyched to hear you are finding your way with partswork and that reading Mindsight is helping pull some of this together for you!
“I feel like this flowed well as learning about it is easiest done by experiencing it.” — YES! Learning is best done by doing, experiencing in the moment. This is really where the transformation happens! That said, many of us do well to experience in the moment and have that followed up by cognitive understanding of why our systems work the way they do. Being able to be in partswork as well as explain partswork is really impactful.
Great work!
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Hi Melody –
Just love how you flowed with the client. Noticing her cues – both verbal and non-verbal – to understand where best to go with her in this parts work. And that nature came together easily as part of this vs. trying to force how that fits in.
As I’ve been wrestling with the how to bring the soul into the parts work more gently (I keep going back to the soul being the CEO and acting like that!), reading what you wrote about the connection makes a lot of sense! And explaining how it works for you to the client definitely makes it less daunting. Looking back at the Intensive work it really struck me that we have to be willing to do parts work on ourselves in order to be able to help clients do parts work on themselves!
Thank you for sharing your insights on this. -
Hey Mel! Your comment: “The need for dropping into a soul level to do partswork fits great into NCC because it encourages connection at that level.” Made me wonder if my client is doing so well with PartsWork because she is so good with her SitSpot routine and familiar with “dropping in to the Soul level connection.” I will be curious if that is a first step for clients unfamiliar with connection, before being able to move into PartsWork at this level? I guess time will tell. Maybe I will be surprised that PartsWork may help someone connect too. What do you think?
Your comment: “I feel nature’s metaphors bring a gentle side to what can seem scary to some clients.” Yes! When I mentioned connecting our Parts to animals she really connected to that idea. Helped to embody the part and have a feel to it, however, it really surprised me when she picked the animals she did! Until she explained why, then they made sense!
Lastly I also connected to your statement: “I noticed too that sharing my experience in working with parts work can help explain it well and show how it works.” Totally agree!!! Using my own experiences, not to give her answers but to give examples has helped with her understanding the concept. Plus it shows our grasp of the process too.
I am grateful to be working with practice clients from EBI. It has made it easier for me to step into the “I’m still learning too” and “thanks for helping me explore these tools” especially with someone who is interested in this path as well.
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Hey Sheri
I definitely think that clients need to be soul connected to do PartsWork. This was they can also recognize introjects, fear, etc. With sharing my own experience it puts it into context and makes it easier to understand the process of exploring, defining and working with parts.
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Mel, your comment “I feel nature’s metaphors bring a gentle side to what can seem scary to some clients” gave me goosebumps. How true this is! I hadn’t thought in depth about it in this way, but I do often think about people and their capacity to look at themselves, reflect, and want change. Perhaps this comes from the years of learning about narcissism and limitations to peoples capacity for introspection when personality disorders or past trauma are present. I find the psychology behind this fascinating (provided I’m not on the receiving end of such relationships…ha!). Your comment highlights another way embracing nature can help us all heal and grow. It gives me even more faith (not that I needed it) in the blessings of nature and hope for helping people who have a more limited capacity for introspection to gently push those boundaries.
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INITIAL POST – As I listened to my practice client I heard internal conflict happening. It seemed she was ready to move on but then there was obviously something holding her back. A light bulb went off for me as I thought this is a PartsWork situation! So I introduced the idea of working with PartsWork in upcoming sessions because she was clearly torn in her path, like a part(s) is ready to move on and another part(s) is holding back. She had been introduced to Parts in the NCL call shortly before our talk, so she was intrigued, still a bit unsure of what it was but willing, since I was able to explain it in a way that seemed to make sense to her. She was excited to see about getting some answers on what or why this conflict is happening. So we set some homework up and discussed how she could start to brainstorm her Parts list and we would work on some Soul conversations in our upcoming call. I also mentioned the idea of interviewing her parts, how they should only converse through Soul and reiterated some of the points she already had in her notes from Michael about no judgement (parts aren’t good / bad), introjects and what parts are/are not. This session planted the seed of PartsWork and got the ball rolling to move into that.
My accountability piece was to check in with her mid week and see how it was coming. Upon checking in mid week she was struggling, so I suggested to shift to just having more awareness around when different Parts are taking action and conversation in her everyday tasks. Like who is taking charge in a situation? Being aware through the day, as you have a thought to say “Who is thinking this?” “What part of me feels strongly about that?” And not worry so much about naming them, if that is difficult. Just get the general idea, noting the competing thoughts / beliefs will help and we would talk through more on our call. I have also realized through my own experience with PartsWork that some parts don’t want to be identified and felt that naming them may not be necessary at this point. She said that helped a lot and felt better about our upcoming call.
On the next call, we set the initial call intentions and she was sharing about her experience with awareness around her parts. She was feeling the opposing parts and had shared about those that we could identify/distinguish between them enough, when something she said just triggered me to say “Are you ready to try something?” She was and we moved into the experiential piece of having conversation between her adolescent part, the Soul, and the responsible part. We set the table so one was sitting on her right and one on her left. It was so interesting to see this play out via zoom as she moved from part to soul to part! I guided her as to which part she would step into and asked them what they wanted to share and how they are feeling about the situation. Moving to the Soul between each part for acknowledgement of the parts and gratitude in their sharing. The light bulbs and ah-ha’s were happening and she even mentioned “I don’t get this much out of therapy!” I was a bit beside myself and honestly, giddy, to see it really play out like this. We talked about how she can do this herself and she was so excited to keep up with it! Can’t wait for our next call to hear how this has been for her and keep the conversation going if that is where she needs to focus.
This experience lit the fire for me to do more of my own PartsWork, snapshot and intention setting for my day. It is coming along. Practice, practice, practice. Good stuff! I was able to get some of the reading materials from the library and just picked them up. I look forward to understanding more behind our brain and how this all works. I am sure I will have more to share from those as I am able. Looking forward to hearing how you – and all your parts – all are doing!
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Hey Sheri. I like the idea of setting the table with spots for different parts. I was not in person with my client so we only talked with one part and the soul for the first session so they’d get the idea and not get too confused. I’ve heard comments similar to “I don’t get this much out of therapy!” as well. It sure is a confidence booster, isn’t it?! Having clients simply to be aware of their different parts is a good way to get the ball rolling. I’ve found myself doing the same thing whenever I find myself thinking part of me this, part of me that.
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Wow Sheri, awesome work!!!
This sounds like a really powerful and transformative session!! Its so cool to hear how you were able to incorporate the embodied partswork with your client by using the table settings even in an online session. So great!
What you say in your post, here, really struck me and can be so important for your clients. In this way you are acknowledging where they are and allowing them to move at their own natural pacing, maintaining focus on what is really important–noticing their parts. “Being aware through the day, as you have a thought to say “Who is thinking this?” “What part of me feels strongly about that?” And not worry so much about naming them, if that is difficult. Just get the general idea, noting the competing thoughts / beliefs will help and we would talk through more on our call. I have also realized through my own experience with PartsWork that some parts don’t want to be identified and felt that naming them may not be necessary at this point. She said that helped a lot and felt better about our upcoming call.”
Awesome job!!
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Hi Sheri –
What a great exercise you did! It feels like Gestalt in that it was an experiment in the moment. And then obviously parts work with having the table conversation. And having the soul sit between the parts to really hear what these parts needed to express was just brilliant!And hearing that this brought parts work home to you as well is very inspiring. Since we can’t really help our clients through parts work if we’re not practicing it on ourselves too! You really got me thinking about this as I’m working on my own parts as well and it is a truly difficult thing to do. More than I realized!
The homework you gave her makes sense to have her understand what Parts are taking action and in the conversation. I did that as well with my client but only during the session. So, it makes me know I need to circle back with him on this.
And not feeling like there needs to be a label on what the part is, just an understanding is so right on! So much less like homework and more self-awareness.
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Sheri, I love that you had her move around to talk to her parts through the Soul during the call. My session with my NCL client was very similar in how we moved into partswork. She is very independent and likes to try things herself, so I gave a similar exercise (what I call a boardroom meeting) to her for homework. She is excited about it. It hadn’t occurred to me how interesting and beneficial it could be to have our clients do this with us on the call with them. I have a few questions about how you executed the exercise. Did you have her parts talk to the soul while you observed? Did you interject and discuss with the parts or push their edges at all? Were you interviewing the parts as part of this process? Was your contribution more about integration after her exercise was complete? I’m excited to play around with this some more. I think this could be done in a variety of ways, but I’m curious how you moved with it.
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Amber, I felt like a director (or guide) during the process. I directed her to which part she would step into and what she was telling the Soul. I did use some of the interview questions while she was in the part to go deeper or help her understand the motive of the part. Then would guide her to the Soul and have the Soul reflect back to the part what was heard and how it was received, always in a loving and accepting manner. Typically this was done with the other part in the space but not engaged with discussion until prompted. This way they were aware of what was shared and how the Soul responded. Then the Soul would turn to the other part and ask what it wanted to share. I guided here on each of these steps so she just had to be in connection with the part and answer the questions from that place. Hope this makes sense. It has been really powerful. In fact the next time we did the parts work she was intentionally in a different space where she could move around better and I could tell had somewhat of a plan to embrace the work even more. She also found the same as I have with my own PartsWork, that it is difficult to stick to doing it yourself, even though the practice provides for that. Maybe it is that we are early in the process but having someone hold you accountable was helpful, especially a guide during the process.
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I have found myself being stuck on a part that I could not name, and my focus became on naming the part at all cost as opposed to paying attention to how it was limiting me…. So I really like the suggestions you made to your client. To this day and still have a no-name part but I am slowly identifying its characteristics.
In a call with my client, I mentioned the exercise we did in nature when we were at the StarHouse, moving from being a Part talking to the Soul to being the Soul responding to a Part, and how changing position made it more real. I was wondering if that would work in an online session, and it looks like you made it works. Awesome work giddy Sheri!!-
Hey Nadine.
I’ve refined some of my parts since the Starhouse too. Changed a name, repurposed one, added another one I thought was part of another but really is it’s own, etc.
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INITIAL POST- My practice client is in the healing arts and is working on creating a business that combines a lot of the different healing modalities. Her work with me has been focused on connecting more deeply with herself and nature. During our previous session she mentioned wanting to connect more deeply with the elements (earth, wind, air, water). That same week in NCL, Michael introduced parts work. I asked her if she would be interested in exploring her connection to the elements through how her parts connected to the elements. She liked this idea and her “homework” was to identify her parts and play with the elements at her sit spot and on her sacred land.
We started our parts work session by discussing what she had been doing on her own and where she got stuck with the elements. We didn’t get much into work with the elements but did start digging into her parts. She chose to start with the Healer and I interviewed her as the Healer. I noticed she kept breaking from the Healer to talk from the self. After a few times, I encouraged her to stay in the Healer and that we could talk about what comes up from the place of self after. She was able to stay in the Healer consistently after that. Through interviewing, it came up that the Healer conflicts with a part of her that is sensitive, defensive and self doubting. She didn’t have a name for it so temporarily called it Doubt for the sake of the session (I’m also wondering if this is a part, or something like fear that shows up but is not a part?). As I asked her about the conflict, she said the conflict “shouldn’t be there”, so I continued to ask questions around this “shouldn’t”. It eventually came out that the conflict between the two parts created fear and fear created setback in the Healer. I asked her how Soul could support the Healer to protect it from setback. At first she didn’t understand my question, so I used the example of a parent stepping in between feuding children. I then asked her what Soul could do to intervene and help protect the Healer from fear and thus setback. She was deep in thought but still couldn’t get an answer. She expressed that the questions were hard and that she wanted to spend more time exploring them and thinking about them. At this point we had 15 minutes remaining and I could tell we weren’t going to get much closer to an answer. I remembered that when we finished the interview she said that exploring the conflict between the parts was really interesting and through exploring it, she could tap into her feelings of success and confidence. She has really enjoyed different activities that I’ve suggested for her to dig deeper between sessions, so I shared the “board meeting of the soul and parts” activity we did at the Starhouse. She was excited about it and will work with it when she can before we meet again. Part of me wonders if I missed a bit of an opportunity around the conflict with fear resulting from the conflict of parts. I’d love feedback from you all if you see something I missed or another direction I could have approached to help her find the answer.
Something interesting that I noticed during this session with her- She often gets very distracted. She stays with me, but her sight and body are all over the place. I mentioned this to Mandy during one of our sessions because I felt like I might be doing something wrong/ineffective as a coach. Today I realized, my client has mentioned many times that she tends to be all over the place, which is exactly what I’m seeing. Focus is hard for her. Through interviewing the Healer, it came out that the Healer helps her slow down and focus. She was still a little scattered while embodying the Healer, but she was more focused than when she was speaking from the self. I didn’t say anything during the session because it didn’t occur to me until we wrapped up. This observation feels like something useful to use maybe gestalt and parts work in combination. I’m not sure what to do with it yet, but it seems like there is a lot of potential in it. Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions?
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Hi Amber, It sounds like you are aware of tracking your client, the conflict, the Parts, what the Soul wants and continuously providing a space for the client to explore what feels important within the session. As empathic listeners/trackers/guides, we get a lot of information in any one session and sometimes the space to move with particular pieces doesn’t come up in that session. Allowing the curiosity to remain in you about: my client struggles with focus and the Healer suggests to slow down– can be a place you build “a cairn” or marker in your mind. Perhaps you will return to it explicitly with your client as you see this come up again. Helping to highlight where she is and where she wants to go: from distraction to slowed down focus. This feels like the dance we do with our clients– holding space for all the pieces they are working with, adding in space for the organic change process in between sessions and then picking up in the next session with what has occurred and what still wants to come into fullness.
I feel like I didn’t answer your question with a “you could do this!” suggestion. Rather, I am saying– stay curious, stay aware of the patterns and desired spots for change. Make them explicit when the moment is ripe. Co-create with your client and the organic process of change– which is an expression of Nature. Comments or questions welcome.
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Thank you, Ivy for the feedback. The reminder of all that we are noticing and holding for our clients and not needing to attend to it all in any given session is really helpful. While it didn’t give me a specific method, I’m now envisioning ways of it coming up organically when the time is right. Very helpful, thank you!!
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Such great comments, Ivy. And such a powerful work you are doing already with your client, Amber, even if you ran into the confines of time or the limits of where you were able to go to in a given timeframe of a session. Thank you so much, Ivy, for the reminder of the power of space that we are holding and that we can help our client to create for themselves in and around the issue they are grappling with. And for the reminder to stay curious.
Another thing that came to my mind while reading this is a memory of Michael stating that there is only ever one part speaking at a time. In light of this, I start to get curious about the fear that was perking up when the Healer was beginning to expand and express. Curious about what part it might be that is afraid or resistant in some way to the Healer taking up more space within the system. Something to build another cairn around in your mind: ah, when the Healer open up, another part steps in. What is the perceived risk here?
Also, I’m not answering with “what should you do” but just dropping in a few thoughts that pass through my mind in response to reading your session.
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Hi all,
It has been wonderful to track the overtime conversation here, to see the revelations as they came forward. The illuminated moments/lessons that feel important are: how do I begin this conversation with my client? how do I help my client take this back to the Soul? I just jumped into the Partswork in a Gestalt manner–and found how both me and my client received a sense of empowerment with the flow of the session. A continued exploration of how to listen for/hear/weave in nature at the moment, online or in-person. How doing our own Partswork is essential–to learn the avenues and subtleties of Parts.The revelations of working with these questions over time feel juicy and how you each find the lived answers or experiences will powerfully inform your work with ‘your people’. Staying “not too tight and not too loose” while experimenting with Partswork in the moment feels relevant. Choices of: Thinking it through, creating a structure to offer (on how to introduce Partswork or bring in Nature to a session) or spontaneously giving it whirl– can you build intentions on how to do this that feel true to your Soul and your Parts, what you are working on as a coach, and then surrendering to your own perfect timing within this investigation? Questions, comments, reflections welcome. I appreciate all the active investigation I hear in your posts. Keep going! It is inspiring to hear how you are serving your clients, growing as coaches and touching into your Visions. <3
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Ivy, thank you for the reminder for over time! I know I sometimes get hung up on needing to know or do now and this all is really important to play with and hold over time- both for ourselves as coaches and for the progress with our specific client(s). Thank you for the gentle reminder!
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Reading Mindsight in Chapter 10 he talks about self-state/states of mind, state integration. I feel like this could be like using parts work, but this is at a mind level vs the soul level. And like integration is like repurposing parts to serve the highest good. Is anyone else reading this book, or have read it?
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I am! I think it was Mindsight that this came from but it could be The Unteathered Soul (I’m reading them at the same time). I found it fascinating that he described emotion (and I think mood?) as shifts in states of integration. The concept of balance on the spectrum between rigidity and chaos to find harmony and flexibility struck me as a core component of our work as coaches and guides. If our clients are at either end of the spectrum, they are blocked from integration and therefor blocked from growth. Reflecting on your comment about it being a bit like using partswork made me curious to explore the parts along this spectrum. Are all the parts in harmony/flexibility? Are some in chaos? Are some in rigidity? Is this the root of the inner conflict for our clients?
Yesterday, I watched the documentary Heal. The general point was that so much of our health issues are due to stress. This isn’t new news, but it struck me differently since our intensives and readings with EBI. The documentary talked about the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. It showed a graph of how we are supposed to move from sympathetic into parasympathetic when we relax. However, for one person they were interviewing, instead of transitioning into parasympathetic, she jumps back up into sympathetic, which means she can’t relax even when she is relaxing. This struck me at a personal level and I think it’s a big problem for many people. As I thought of this, I remembered this idea of being in a constant state of integration, unless these rigidity/chaos blocks exist. This led me to think about our clients. If they are in a state of rigidity/chaos, or if their sympathetic nervous system is activated, it’s hard to move them forward towards their deeper need. It also makes me grateful for the blessings of nature because research is showing that even just looking at nature can trigger the parasympathetic nervous system. I’m finding these intersections very fascinating.
Mel, I’m not sure I answered what you were asking and I went off on a bit of a tangent, but it felt related. I’m curious about more of your thoughts on it!
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YES!! Love these questions. How powerful to incorporate these into your partswork practice.
“Are all the parts in harmony/flexibility? Are some in chaos? Are some in rigidity? Is this the root of the inner conflict for our clients?”
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SUMMARY POST- My biggest takeaway from this module is the reminder that we are holding a lot for our clients, and while we hold all these parts (pun intended, ha!), it is up to our client which parts they want to attend to and we don’t need to do something with all of it in every session. Holding these ideas and pieces while I track my clients through multiple sessions and using what I am noticing and holding when it arises organically, rather than getting in my head and wondering how do I use this piece?, how do I bring it up?, what should I say?, etc. Attempting to “do” something with the information only takes me into of my head and out of presence with my client. Much of this reminds me of the lessons learned from Derek with his presence and just showing up and staying in the moment.
I am also reminded that we are still early in our coaching careers and that this is a learning process. It’s not something I can perfect immediately. Each person and each situation is different, and so, it will take playing with the tools with different people and in different ways to see what is effective and what might not be so effective.
I am also fascinated in how gestalt and parts work seem to be intersecting with much of what I’m learning both through EBI and in my own reading/documentaries/podcasts/etc. I’m excited to continue thinking about these ideas and seeing what else forms from them, as well as what other intersections and synchronicities may arise.
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SUMMARY POST – Realizing I didn’t post this or close out this section yet, oops. After additional sessions on PartsWork with my practice client, as well as, more personal work, I am feeling more comfortable with being flexible in the level of knowledge regarding PartsWork. I do not feel clients need to have their parts identified or even understand this work as PartsWork. It reminds me of the Pros and Cons lists my Mom taught me to make when facing a decision when growing up. Granted there is a deeper level a client may choose to go into and certainly more we can uncover when, if, they embrace this path of self-awareness. Which then would include digging deeper into identifying their parts and interviewing, etc.
I have found working with the client in PartsWork that is more Gestalt in it’s flow, versus planned, following a general conversational setting with Parts and Soul, that I am more in a guide or Director seat about to suggest this Part share and now the Soul reflects, now this part…what are you noticing? – when I notice a shift in energy or an awareness come through in their voice, almost like an ah-ha type moment. It has been easier for me to be removed from the conversation and be more of an observer which feels more guide like than I have in some coaching situations. I still struggle with the fix it more and desire to give advice. This practice has provided me with more insight and first hand experience to see the answers within them come to realization. I look forward to continue holding this tool as a resource for me in my coaching/guiding practice. I am also continuing self PartsWork practice as I work through my own parts through interviewing and asking where or who is feeling this way or who is taking charge in this setting, or who do I need to step up here. I have not found myself working with the snapshot on a daily basis but as I think through my day and set intention I am starting to see what Parts I need to have show up for different tasks along my day.
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INITIAL Post:
Partswork coaching was much harder than I anticipated…and of course, with the challenges came the lessons. I intuitively gravitate towards Partswork. Though I didn’t have the language or the framework, over the years I have discovered numerous and various parts of myself while processing through circumstances in my life…often it took the form of talking to myself, sometimes writing. So I had expected (I know, I shouldn’t have expectations) that this would be relatively easy, at least compared to Gestalt.
So I began, with a client I have coached a few times before. Being that she is a social worker I had suggested she read Self, Soul, Spirit before we met…and consider identifying some of her parts. She had intended too, but life was unexpectedly busy and the article felt cumbersome, so we began with a blank slate. She understood the concept but still had difficulty naming the various parts of herself. Naming negative aspects flowed more easily than positive. I was frequently redirecting. After managing to name few positive parts…lover, investigator, learner, etc… I had a strong awareness of how difficulty this process seemed for her, both emotionally and cognitively. Like Kim’s client mine also kept slipping back into story rather than staying with a process that might draw her deeper into self. This felt to me like distraction, perhaps avoidance. I thought beginning the interview process might provide a more structured approach giving her safety and some clarity of the various parts, including her soul, and the role they play in her life. We began the interview process. She became entangled and had difficulty answering from one specific part and seemed to have even more difficulty differentiating and communicating with the soul. She did like the board of directors metaphor and she said it was helpful, though it was not reflected in the interview process. Simultaneously watching myself (failing), and not wanting to crash, I made a decision I knew might not be kosher, we reversed roles!!! I was tentative about reversing roles but it to work well. She was much more relaxed and comfortable interviewing my parts. She actually seemed to enjoy the process and it became playful. We were optimistic in returning to the interview with her parts. As we began again, she timidly looked at me and confessed her perspective “the soul is a black hole”!!! This felt like a whack on the side of my head as I acknowledged the elephant in the room. Melody wisely pointed out, Nature metaphorically (and literally) can make gentle and safe, what is scary. It can shift perceptions. Knowing my client’s love of Nature we did some playing with the terminologies and definitions. Spirit became nature’s wisdom (my first attempt was divine intelligence). Soul became the link/portal between self and spirit. The relief in my client was palpable…mine may have been as well?
With this reframing my client became aware that there were parts of herself that she was not comfortable seeing/knowing, and that she had difficultly recognizing the more positive parts of self. We moved into this clarity as our time was coming to an end. I quickly summarized basic concepts and suggested she take home her list, and post-its and continue to be aware and to work with this on a regular basis until our next meeting.
I went home read the posts and listened to the Partswwork audios to figure out how to more successfully introduce this process! -
In looking back through the conversations, I am realizing that my Initial Post got lost into the ether. I am re-posting.
INITIAL POST – I introduced the concept of Partswork to my client at the end of a one-hour session and said that I wanted to explore that with her in our next session. She was totally thrilled as Michael had just introduced Partswork to the NLC class that very week. We both were super excited and I could tell she could not wait to start. I asked her if she was pressed for time and she was not, so we spent a few more minutes on the topic. We started by listing the parts she was aware of, and she already had identified a dozen. I offered to interview one of her parts to give her a sense of how powerful this tool could be. She jumped into the opportunity. She was very deliberate in choosing the part to interview and picked the “I don’t wanna” part. I went down the questions from our studnet book, and as she was fully engaged, I could notice that the answers given were already providing some insights and clarity. This was wonderful to watch. She was very excited. I was amazed how easy it was for her to assimilate. We parted after a full 90 mn-session all pumped up and both of us looking forward to working on Partswork in the next session.
When the next session came, I had assumed she had gotten more information from Michael in her last NLC session but she was not able to attend. So I started the session by introducing the concept of the mandala, taking a snapshot and the repurposing of the parts. I also mentioned that there is a set amount of energy to be shared by the parts.
Reflecting back on the last week, she was thrilled to report that the “I don’t wanna” part had quieted down. She realized that part was actually acting as the role of a protector to make sure that my client was not not all about work and that it provided some much needed balance. That insight alone allowed her to maintain a steady daily practice of writing, which she had never been able to do before, as it always was seen as a chore and homework.
She reported feeling balanced, peaceful, a sense of ease, no attachment, no struggle, and no hard work. She attributed it to Partswork, which now provided a system, a way to orchestrate who is in charge, a way to give space to quieter parts. Using her words “I gave the artist some time”, “I gave the Seeker the permission to be in the forefront.” What was amazing is that my client is realizing there is something much bigger behind the need to transition into a new career, and that the Seeker is the keystone for my client’s transformational work. During the session she was becoming aware of a connection to something bigger, and she said that alone was fueling her motivation to transition even more.
She realized on her own that each part has a role and that they are all useful. My client is totally enrolled with Partswork and said that in the coming days she will keep a pulse on what parts show up when and where during the day. She said she will invite Seeker to be part of her current work to start giving her a louder voice.
During the conversation and at times answers came too quickly, I asked her what part was talking. In the process she identified a couple new parts “The resource controller” and the “Beach bum/off-grider/outdoor survivor”. And it made even more sense to her that all parts may not have been identified and that some may creep up. She will watch for that as well.
As a joke, we came up with the idea of a “coming out” party for the parts least expressed – that was funny as my client and I are both gay – and quickly realize it was a pretty good idea, and we could do some type of celebration.
It has been a pleasure to do Partswork with this client. She is amazing, connected to herself, facing her limitations with playfulness and do some of the hard work. I am very thankful to her for helping me demystify bringing Partswork in a session with a client. I do realize not all clients will be that easy. My work now is to anticipate that and get ready for it.
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Wow, Nadine, this sounds like such a transformative couple of sessions for your client. Great work!!
I’m really struck by how ready the Soul part of your client was ready to step up and take control once the insight and awareness were there of the parts. That is fantastic.
I’m also really struck by your deep and active listening. “During the conversation and at times answers came too quickly, I asked her what part was talking.” It sounds like you were listening between what was actually said and going with your gut to investigate what else might be happening here, allowing for even greater awareness for your client.
Awesome!
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SUMMARY POST
As I just re-read all your posts, I am realizing how beneficial the conversation forum has been to me and how much information I am getting from it. Thank you to every single one of you who have contributed to it.Here are my key take-aways:
Partswork, is a great awareness tool and has enhanced my coaching approach. It has allowed me to be a more empathetic listener and to better guide my client into transformational situations.
There is not a single way to introduce Partswork to our clients. It can get planned, or we can get to it organically (and when so, ask for permission). How much we need to explain Partworks really depends on where the clients are Acknowledging where they are and allowing them to move at their own natural pacing is important. As well as co-creating with our client and to let the organic process of change take place.
There is a shared concern around keeping the flow going and not disrupting the conversation when there is an opportunity to do Partswork. Each of us are developing different techniques: coming up with an assignment before the coaching session, prepping the client in advance with just enough information to get them started to identify their key parts, starting with a simplified version of Partswork and limit it to a couple of parts, no worrying about naming the parts, sharing our experience with working with parts…
My limited experience with Partswork already shows me that the concept is natural and intuitive for many of us, so adding a lot of language around may not be necessary most of the time. Instead, I will try to get to a place where the client experiences it in the moment, and to follow up by a cognitive understanding of why our systems work the way they do.
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Summary Post
I’m still very much on the fence on parts work. While I see how this can help our clients, I actually like approaching it from a more casual standpoint. Letting the client walk through their story/session from the part (or parts) only if it is appropriate and without separating it out so strongly. My experience (be it very limited) has been more about recognizing there are parts, appreciating how they make up who you are and being curious to follow through if it makes sense. Having the parts talk to the soul and vice versa, seeing changes in behavior while speaking from the parts and so on hasn’t felt right for me personally or felt right for the practice clients I’ve worked with so far. Maybe this is something I need to continue to play with.Listening to the parts work webinar, the idea that a part could be an introject and not a part is very interesting. I hadn’t thought of parts like that. And being aware of this for your client but letting them come to that understanding if that is the case is also opening a new way of looking at this for me.
Reading through the thread, it does seem that the idea of introducing parts work to our clients and then keeping the flow moving is a theme. As Nadine put it so well, there isn’t a single way to introduce it to our clients and we can either plan it or get to it organically. This is something I’m still struggling with the idea of – it’s easier when we’re working with each other since there is a familiarity already. Its more challenging when its a new concept. But as was also brought up in the webinar and in the forum/individual discussions, this can be introduced even before a session. More food for thought.
So for me, I’m going to stay curious and open to this but am currently finding that other tools we are learning may fit more into the style that I see for my coaching. Of course, like life, it’s all a journey to learn from!
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My practice client is a new neighbor in the neighborhood and we often pass walking our dogs. She saw me getting a leash out of my vehicle, asked what the logo on the car was about and in no time we got to talking about EBI and this program! Here began the conversation about the curriculum and practice clients and, after 3 more path crossings, we set up a practice session down at Carrier Park by our houses.
I began the session by sharing with the client how appreciative I was that she was interested in meeting me down by the river and asked if she would be open to some deep breathing, grounding exercise to fully come into the space. She was all for it saying she was a little scattered and embarrassed (she was like 10 mins past our agreed upon start time and appeared/projected a decently flustered energy). We followed up by sharing some time in a brief 5-sensation meditation which I front loaded with an invitation for this to be an opportunity to formally orient ourselves with the space where we were and maybe release some echoes of grip on whatever we had both come from (we began at an available pavilion at a riverside park on my side of town). I noted the content of the explanation provided by the client before we began doing some grounding exercises and kind of ear marked some of that content to see if it might present itself again as we came out of our 5-senses meditation and began an approach of whatever the severance process might look like.
There was an immediate naming of having to play “roles” in various settings and I was curious/hopeful that there would actually be an opportunity to navigate some parts with her and felt, admittedly, an amusing amount of relief around not having to direct our session in that direction (I certainly did not INTEND to do so! Though I am aware of a sometimes subtle desire to USE what we talk about during intensives and webinars in sessions…this situation saved me the trouble! Ha!)
Our pavilion starting point was one right by the riverbank, and she asked if we could move and talk, that she’d been sitting all morning and wanted some movement. She led the way and we came to one of many trees that grow almost horizontally out of the bank parallel to the water. She said she was feeling playful and asked if we could inch out over the river on the trunk of the tree. I had a moment of pause wondering if I might voice curiosity around that playfulness and how that fit in to the scope of various roles she mentioned “playing” when she first arrived. I decided to go with her energy and not my curiosity and we inched out over the river’s edge and found a spot for us both to sit.
The rigidity of her shoulders and face melted and she swayed her feet in opposite directions like my niece did when she was 5 and on a swing! I asked how she was feeling and eventually what she felt was drawing her over the river. It was genuine curiosity considering the stark difference in how she carried herself the moment she put together the potential of climbing out on this tree! The result was me saying next to nothing for the next 15 mins. She named how refreshing it was to “be above the chaos” for a little bit (we had had some rain, so the river was flowing faster than usual in this part of town). She said she felt an excitement about being over the water in work clothes (she had swapped out her shoes for sneakers, but still looked like she was going back to an office afterwards).
I asked some “buffering” type questions keeping her in the parts as they came up, or rather highlighting what I was perceiving when energy, pace of speech, intonation shifted. And she was amused at the highlighting when I would ask “how are you feeling now in this moment as you’re talking about ____” It felt like the highlighting was well received and appreciated…and also felt like she was fascinated. I did not say “Partswork” nor do I think I even said part, as in “what part of you…”? I reflected her words back to her in my questioning. If she said “Sometimes I feel as if I have to ___” then that’s how I phrased asking further into it. If she mentioned wearing a particular hat or mask, I said “hat” or “mask” …
The way in which she jumped at the playful environment and how quickly her whole being reflected that youthful, more playful (more playful seeming to me, anyways) setting, it became a fun experience simply to observe!! The way I was once hoping to encourage the client to seek out/find metaphor in a walkabout when we were up in Gunnison was now genuinely allowing the client to take the wheel of the session (not simply inviting the client to, but stepping back and being silent long enough to see them actually do it).
We got to a space after the 3rd time I asked if she was feeling any different in speaking about a particular topic as it seemed to me that her posture had shifted again, that she flatly asked what was going on that she kept acting like kind of different versions of herself while we were talking. I said I wasn’t really sure and asked if that was something that she wanted to explore a little bit before we got together again for another session. She agreed to lean in to this kind of surface level awareness (her words) that she felt like she was tracking through a few perspectives around one or two topics of our session. I said it sounded like a cool place to hang out in between now and our next session (we decided on 5 days later, same pavilion) and I was excited to hear what she noticed in the asking when we got back together.
I’m curious what will come up in the in-between and think a partswork poster would be a cool activity for her as she seemed super curious around what we were noticing as she talked about her work/life/home balance. We’ll see how she feels about it next time we get together!
