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Partswork Sept 2020
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42 Replies
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I find Parts Work to be an invaluable tool in my persoal work and look forward to using it more effectively and often with clients.
The client that I used parts work with is a client I have been seeing on and off since February. My client has identified new career options through listening more deeply to the guidance of Spirit, collaborating with nature to move further into what is nudging him. He is a very spiritual person and connects very deeply with Nature. Some obstacles he is facing as he creates his business include taking actionable steps to create his online and social media presence. We met outside at a local Open Space park. I had a particular place on the land that I felt called to take him to. I established the coaching relationship by creating the safe container, reminding him of confidentiality and asking permission to guide him, as well as permission to take him to this specific spot since it would involve some bushwacking. We connected with Self and with the Land prior to beginning our session and used the walk to the specific area to get caught up since it had been a while since our last session. As we walked, he began to explain what he wanted to explore during our session which continues to be how to move forward in creating an online and social media presence. Through powerful questions which included past times when he experienced the same blocks, he identified that he has a voice in him that says “Who do you think you are to do this?” Part of his resistance is his feeling of being an impostor. Because of this, he wants everything to be perfect and wants to project a professional image-perfect website, professional image, expert knowledge, etc. This voice keeps him from experimenting and flowing with creativity. He resists putting himself in the light even though he is so Light-filled himself. He used the metaphor of being a Lighthouse and that by doing his own spiritual work and keeping his interior Lighthouse shining, those who need him will find him. Once we arrived at the spot, we began to explore what it felt like for him to be a Lighthouse, filled with his own interior Light. I guided him to explore the territory around as that Lighthouse to see what would come up for him. How did he overcome the obstacles of the terrain as that Lighthouse? As he moved, he came to a standstill on top of a boulder that was in the sunlight. He spent some time letting the light shine on him. I asked him, “What is happening right now?”–He explained how good it felt to be in the sunlight. In the light, he was connecting even more deeply with his interior light–he felt peaceful, content, full, alive, capable, quiet, grounded, strong, stable, safe– I told him what I saw–the light was shinning on his face, his face was reflecting the light, and there was a quiet smile on his lips… Since I knew that my client had done parts work before, I asked him if he would like to explore the “voice” while in the state of being the “Lighthouse”. He felt it would be useful to see what the “voice” had to say. I invited him to connect with Soul (which sure felt like his “Lighthouse” metaphor) and imagine “Voice” standing in front of him. As Soul, he acknowledged and invited “Voice” to speak. After the invitation, I guided my client to move to a different spot and speak to Soul as “Voice”. He named this part “Voice” for now. As “Voice”, he was able to speak to Soul about his concerns for my clients well-being. In the past, my client became overwhelmed and so enmeshed in his work that he experienced major burnout. “Voice” was trying to protect my client and does not want that to happen again. Moving back to Soul, my client was able to reassure Voice, thank him for his concern and wisdom, and tell Voice “I am boss”–he listened and absorbed the wisdom of Voice, realizing that it was important to maintain balance while starting something new. This experience also allowed him to feel more into his body/intuition/creativity and shift out of his over-analitical self.
I felt the session moved very naturally into parts work and that it opened doors of understanding for my client. He was able to see the wisdom of “Voice” (don’t get overwhelmed and burn out) and also how that voice was overpowering his ability to move forward. It was a very loud voice inside of him! After the experience, my client was able to move beyond the limiting beliefs of the “Voice” and was able to recognize where/when this limiting self-belief came into existence. With this new self-awareness, he was able to set goals around his website (it does not have to be perfect), and he felt he could take active steps to move into his own power, his whole self. He felt he could take ownership of himself–of his parts.
I felt that the Land lent itself well to the ceremony, with the initial walk as catching up and moving through severance, the arrival at the spot as a natural movement into threshold, and the walk back as a time for integration and next steps. The Land also offered a real, lived experience with obstacles, with Light, and for different perspectives to arise. Moving through the Land gave my client the opportunity to get into the different energies of his parts. The Land itself held my client in a safe environment in which to explore what was really moving under his feelings of resistance.
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Maria, thank you for sharing your experience with your client. It depicted a fluid example an opportunity to use partswork during a client session. I loved witnessing in your sharing the recognition of the inner light house and the physical act of sitting in the sun was your client connecting to his inner light. in your sharing you depicted a beautiful pendulation between moving to and from soul and the “voice” which lead your client to a deeper understanding of what this ‘voice’ represented for him and the role it is playing for him in his own awareness in wanting chose something different in his life as he moves forward in his business.
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I recently met with a new client, where i could recognized an opportunity for parts work, but chose it was premature in our relationship to go down a partswork road. It was clear that we were still in a severance phase.
In a phone conversation, the client, who is also my dog walker, expressed it was important to her to be able to meet in nature, specifically outdoors (not zoom). She also requested I bring Gus, he’s my sheepadoodle. It was known to her that I often bring Gus with me when seeing clients face-to-face. We agreed to meet at the west end of a nearby park, that had a small trail of redwood trees and outdoor theater, lawn seating and elevated stone wall which defined the live grass stage. We both chose to sit on the stage. I had Gus hop up onto the stage, and he immediately greeted the client which brought her comfort and a sense of safety right of way. As I am writing this, I find it interesting to be exploring the self “on stage” with stage lights facing towards us.
Once the familiar greetings with each other and Gus were complete, I offered her a portable back rest to use for sitting and I invited the client to sit and join me in placing our bare feet in the grass to feel the earth beneath our feet. Without hesitation she excitedly placed her bare feet in the grass, I immediately, watched her body sink in and calm down. I explained to her that by placing our feet directly on the earth assist out bodies in grounding. I invited her to take few breaths together as we exhaled to let go of our morning, yesterday, what may be going on later in the day and to allow to just be hear, face feeling the sun agains her face, and the damp grass resting against her feet. We reset or established our relationship as a Coach/Guide and Client. I did remind her that I am a guide/coach through her own process and I will offer reflections through questions as well as bring awareness to possible themes and everything that is said remains confidential.Excited to get started, the client just started talking, expressing that she would like to be more in a state of doing instead of thinking. She recognizes that she is constantly thinking and “stuck in her head” She expressed how she’s busy running the dog daycare business, trying to keep the house running, and wished her family would appreciate a clean house in the way she does. As I continued to let her speak, she expressed how she grew up, in home that was once clean, but once her mother began working, the household become dirty, cluttered, unkept, to the point there were roaches in the home. She stated she had so much shame and embarrassment growing up, she would not have friends over. To this day, if sees a roach, she wants to vomit. She expressed the feeling of “shame” multiple times during the session, even when speaking about her own home, if it was not clean in the way she wanted it, while at the same time recognizing she’s afraid, since she’s running a business, she fears becoming like her mother.
In the interest of focussing on partswork, hypothetically, I could reflect back to the client that I noticed the expression of “shame” multiple times and ask the client what part of her feels shame. This could provide an opportunity for the client to speak from that part of her. I feel “shame” is more the expression of the part of her she feels is not able to be expressed fully. Perhaps, this exploration, the client could discovery the neurological pattern that has been set and created when her mother began working and aloud the house to become unkept and dirty and the emotions and feelings that developed during that time. I could ask that part of herself if it’s true today for her and her household? It’s could create the opportunity for the client to bring awareness to the present and set a new pathway, and allow the connection to that part of herself that would like to be epxressed more fully and give to her whole system in a more effective way. I would asked that part of her what it would like to speak to you. Depending the way the that part of the client responds would indicate how connected to that part of herself she is. If the client was exhibiting a disconnect, meaning speaking more in 3rd person, or breaking contact in some way, I could bring awareness to my observation, and provide an opportunity for the client to return to the 1st person, and perhaps an there is an opportunity to bring the “soul” in and explore if the clients speaking from soul to the other part of herself would bring clarity of the purpose or role of that part of herself and how to allow that part of herself to be more fully expressed.
I feel as a coach exploring parts work can enhance the experience in providing creating a space for a client to have a deeper relationship with the self while also creating the potential to leading amore authentic life.
Partswork as the potential to assist a client in setting themself free from potential limiting beliefs, or just an opportunity in collaborating with other parts of themself to adjust they way the client leads their way in life. There is wisdom in the parts of ourselves that we are not the most comfortable in using or listening to.
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@mariarosagalter
Hi Maria, I really enjoyed reading about your session. Reading about your client’s issue was really helpful for me on a personal level, and reading about your response to his issue was insightful for my coaching. I see that you naturally collaborate with nature and flow through the coaching ceremony. I love that the session started out with your client being in a part of himself that was empowering and confident (his “lighthouse” part), and that he was able to work with the “voice” from there- a beautiful partswork pendulation example! I also love how direct collaboration with the land assisted your client in embodying his parts and uncovering internal wisdom. Thank you so much for sharing!@gmlobito1
I love how Gus played a big role in making your client feel safe! I am curious to hear more on why you didn’t bring partswork into the session. I understand that the client was new, and I imagine that you wanted to focus on building trust. What specifically made you choose to not go into partswork, even if used for severance? I am curious how the rest of the session went after she shared her story. I think your ideas for bringing partswork into sessions would go well for your client in the future! -
First, I have a question for us all: If parts are neural circuits, and we have the ability to shift and change our neural circuitry (neuroplasticity), then can parts be die? I know that Michael specifically said that parts do not die or go away, but I know that neural connections can die (if you don’t use it, you lose it), so this seems like a contradiction to me. Maybe the answer is that parts change/transform, but the part itself doesn’t fully die. Still, I am confused, because transformation requires death. I’m curious to hear all of your thoughts on this.
I have used partswork with clients and it has proven to be effective in many cases. However, when working with teens (ages ~15-17), I am challenged with partswork sessions. The teens usually leave the session with a better understanding of the different parts of themselves, but lack the “integration” of parts that typically comes from the end of a partswork session. They often still feel the parts in battle with one another. I feel my observations can be attributed to their brain development stage. I am curious how I may utilize partswork to benefit teens beyond simply gaining a greater awareness of the different parts of themselves. I am curious how I can possibly facilitate integration of their parts, without inputing my advice. Maybe the integration process takes longer for teens than adults, and I need to be more patient.
I do have one 17-year old teen girl client who can exhibit a lot of confidence in coming up with her own answers and listening to her intuition. Our recent partswork session was mostly successful, which I think can be attributed to her deep connection with self and intuition. In the session, she expressed wanting deeper connections with friends (specifically women) in her life. However, she felt held back from her desire to “hermit” and her fear of rejection. We explored three parts of her: (1) Hermit, (2) Shadow, and (3) Berry. We assigned each of her parts to a different part of the land. Hermit was a hole in the ground, Shadow was the thorns on a berry bush, and Berry was the blackberries on the bush. She spoke from the perspective of each part, and moved around the land to embody each one. In summary, we uncovered that “Shadow” wants to be received with love by others, wants attention from others, and pushes others away when she doesn’t feel love from them. “Hermit” wants to relax, but maybe relaxes too much. Hermit noticed the need for balance between relaxation time and social time (from “Berry” part). “Berry” wants to reach out to friends, and knows the value of having friends in her life, especially women friends.
In the end, my client came to a moment of integration between her parts. She decided that she can create better balance between Hermit and Berry, and that Berry can speak with Shadow to make her feel more safe around other people. We did not have much time from this point forward, so the incorporation of our session was not the best. In the future, I would utilize my time better to allow for a longer incorporation time.
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Maria, I really liked how you followed your intuition to go the place on the land you felt called to. I have found this to be very prevalent for me as well as I work with a lot of clients who have little or no experience in nature and they don’t have a preference on where to meet. When it’s left open like this, I am always getting a sense of where to go and I can often see a visual of that space. I have no idea how that space will interact with what they are bringing to the session but I always trust that it will. It sounds like that was certainly the case for you here as the spot on the land created a threshold experience that led to some deeper insight and got things moving for your client. I think this session is a great example of how the work can still be done even without the formal identification of all the parts and understanding the roles. He was able to identify the part in some way that made sense to him and it was effective for the in-the-moment interaction with it!
This client sounds ideal for deeper dives into partswork. Do you have any intention to go through the part identification and interviewing process with him?
David
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Initial post:
I haven’t used partswork in a session at this point so I’m going to use my experience guiding partswork during the online intensive as the basis of my post. I’m going to add in some of my own thoughts or ideas about where the session could have gone as well, just to build off it a little more. I will not share her name or name any parts of hers that I feel were unique to her in order to keep her experience confidential. My client brought some very open feelings into our time together about feeling overwhelmed and exhausted by the amount of information and experiential practicing we were doing throughout the week. It was the first time I had worked with her that week and so I felt like I just wanted to ask how she was doing. She made the comment the being in the client seat in the experiential practice at this time was making her want to “retreat and go hide somewhere”. I could sense her inner state by her body language. It was closed off and she didn’t seem engaged. This immediately presented itself as an opportunity to explore her parts. I don’t know if she brought a topic for this time, but we were now going to dive into what was most present for her. Since I knew we had all just gone through our part identification in interviewing process in other activities, I asked her if she could identify the part within her that felt that way and she quickly replied “The Hermit”. A couple of things were coming up for me here: 1) I was finding myself really relating to her feelings of overwhelm, particularly from the experiential practicing and, 2) my hermit part was now identifying with her hermit part. This was distracting for me so I paused for a moment. I asked her to share her mandala and move the parts around to show me what her current state looked like. I was interested in what other parts are present when “The Hermit” is in the driver’s seat as well as what parts of her took off to keep her from engaging in the work. She had another part that was close by and I asked some questions about that part’s role. She said “this part shuts it all down, I can’t do anything when it is present”. She started crying. We paused here for quite a while before I asked “what are you feeling right now?”. She stated that fear was present, like a hunkering down while a monster was present, kind of feeling. I asked her if she’d be willing to go into this part that shut down the show. She did and we started exploring the function of this part together. It was becoming apparent to me that this part was at some point a safety mechanism for her, maybe during childhood, to protect her from something external that was overwhelming or too much to process.The role of this part didn’t ring as something to fear but something to honor for it’s service. It’s presence didn’t have ill intent. So I asked the part what it needed my client to know. The part spoke “I need her to know that I’m the alarm when it’s time for self care. I don’t intend to shut down the whole system. I just want to create awareness when edges are being pushed a little too far. I asked this part who its greatest ally is and it said “The Hermit”. Hermit roles are often very intrical in a person’s ability to step back and take care of their needs so this was no surprise at all to me. It was shown right there on the mandala…..this part and “The Hermit” were side by side. I brought the client back to her body and reviewed the conversation with her, pointing out the placement of this part and “The Hermit” on her mandala. Hearing the real intent of this part felt so important in order for these 2 parts to function healthily together. I saw her body language relax. The “monster” had left the room. She smiled and said “All I had to do was ask you for a few minutes at the beginning of this to exercise to regroup and instead I shut down like YOU were the ‘monster’!” There is so much more here that could have been explored but I felt like she had integrated a very important piece, a true understanding of her part’s function and intent. -
@gmlobito1
Gina! So much coming up for me here! I love your curiosity, as you type your post, about the significance of the stage in your session location. I know you get really excited about and thrive in the threshold with a client. My mind is playing out a million ideas of how your client could have used that stage to go beyond thinking about to acting out the things she wants to be doing! I’m also curious about the rock wall that defined the space you were describing and how the client would interpret that as it relates to their current topic. Like with Maria’s share, I believe we all have this ability to pick meeting points that have what the clients need. It goes beyond “oh, we’re going to go here because it’s cool or it’s convenient”. Subconciously, our brains know where to lead us. I get really excited about this stuff too, can you tell?? 🙂
You mentioned that you were still in the severence phase and I’m unsure if you were saying that because you see partswork being done another time in the session, but I think severence time is a one of the great times for this work. With some time spent working with the parts (even better if their mandala is present) it can really get us to that point of saying “now that you can see this more clearly, what do you want?” And then “how do you need to be to embody that?”. I totally get that this may be a client that doesn’t even know what parts are how to access them but I do think we can dabble in it by asking that question “what part of you wants to be more of a doer?”. Maybe she can’t name it yet, but somewhere in there she can describe what drives that want and can probably describe what parts of her get in the way of that. She started to identify some past experiences that led her to be very focused on household tasks in her life now. What part drives that? I’m learning that I want to try to explore this with clients even if we haven’t established or named all the parts yet.
Great insights into what you could have done in this session!
David
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@deanna.falge
Deanna this is such a thoughtful and thought inspiring question! My take on this is that parts, which as you said are neuro circuits, are in essence, memories. They were created by memories and are manifestations of those memories. They are remembered or programmed states of being. And just as we can never delete a memory from our subconscious, we cannot delete or have parts “die off”. I agree with what you’re saying about them changing and shifting over time. It makes me think about the little I know about EMDR therapy where it takes a traumatic memory and alters the memory to have a healthier resolution. This memory now fires differently, without the intense trauma response but the memory itself still exists. For a part, the part changes in the way it is expressing itself over time, but is still the same part.
I love the depth of your questions and your hunger to always understand things clearly! Curious to hear everyone’s input on this question.
David
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Hi David, Gina, and Deanna,
Thanks so much for jumping into the discussion! There is so much to explore around partswork!
I also wonder, like Gina, when is the right time is to introduce parts work…. I see two pathways, the more informal curiosity around “what part of you…” that David was alluding to, and the more formal parts work where you work with the client to create a parts mandala. Perhaps the first leads to the second…..
Not sure around Deanna’s question about a teenager’s brain and if they are capable of integrating their parts. Very interesting thoughts here… Aslo around whether parts “die”. I tend to agree with David. Like memories, they are still there, just less present. I like to think parts perform important protective functions and can be called upon when necessary–as long as Soul is directing the part.
Thank you to all of you for sharing your sessions. Gina, thanks for your share…. I have a client who is also dealing with hoarding and shame. It is really impacting her life and it is so hard for her to make the changes she really wants to make. Like your client, shame is a big player in preventing her from moving forward and her patterns are rooted in her childhood. You have inspired me to see if she’d like to do parts work. David, beautiful work, friend. What great insight to explore the proximity of the parts on the mandala and how they relate to each other. Deanna, thanks for the example of working with the land to represent parts. Your client left with a new perspective of herself and new insights from listening to her different parts.
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Initial Post
I haven’t been able to use Partswork with my current practice client so I decided to experiment with it with a good friend of mine who is a coach and also a clinical social worker. She has some understanding of IFS therapy, so it was interesting to compare and contrast her understanding of it to what we learned and practice in the NCC context. A little bit of background – this ‘client’ friend is a Philipino American who, in the face of the pandemic has taken on twice the number of clients she normally would, many of them being people of color who have not been able to find a therapist who meets there needs for psychological safety. She is overworked, and is also undergoing treatment for cancer while making a transition to a new living situation with her long term partner. Burnout is prevalent.
My intention with this session was to get some practice with introducing Partswork and implementing it from the very beginning of a deep Partswork practice. I first started off the session by explaining a bit about what Partswork is from the NCC perspective. I struggled with this a little bit, and found some of the examples from the Integration Webiner to be helpful in better understanding how to do this education piece. Thankfully because she had some understanding of it already, it was relatively simple to give a brief explanation. I gave her some time on the call to come up with some parts using Jamboard while she asked some questions or made comments here and there and I observed. When she felt she had reached a good place, we moved into doing interviews of her parts.
We interviewed only a couple of parts, and in doing so found that one of her parts was very present and very much needed to be heard. It was a part that has a close relationship with her current state of burnout, and in this process she was surprised to find herself developing a greater awareness of what her present needs were. We also explored arranging her Mandala in relation to how her parts have evolved over time as well as the current state of her parts. It was a creative and experimental process that she enjoyed, and I found that allowing it to flow where she needed it to rather than just focusing on only doing interviews as a first step was very helpful. I was under the impression that we had to start a Partswork practice by interviewing all of the parts first and foremost before doing anything else, but that didn’t entirely suit her and I adjusted to that accordingly. I’d like to build off of this initial session with her in some additional sessions, but I’m not entirely sure how yet.
Considering my other practice client, the best way I can see using Partswork is a little more ‘informally’. This client’s goal is to start her own coaching business, however in doing so she’s encountering some obstacles around money and finances. It’s clear a part of her wants to quit her job entirely to focus on building her coaching business, while another part of her want to do what’s financially best for her and her family. I can see Partswork coming into play here around decisional balance and exploring these pathways a little bit more. I find that I need a lot of practice with evoking awareness in face to face sessions with clients, so I am eager to bring in some of the interview questions as powerful questions in developing awareness around her challenges.
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Response Posts
Maria what a beautiful example of using the land! It’s always so helpful for me to see concrete examples of a successful, transformative coaching session and this one in particular integrates partswork so well, so thank you for sharing it in such detail. Your summary at the end is particularly helpful for me as I struggle a bit with the structure of severance into threshold. Seeing that structure laid out in how you moved through the land helped paint a visual picture.
Gina your reflection on how you might use partswork with your client is helpful for me as I approach another session with my practice client today. This client is one in which I don’t see going too deep into partswork, but I can see weaving it into the process of developing awareness. Based on what I’m hearing it does feel like you could have asked these questions in this session! Like some of the others mentioned, I am also curious as to what made you decide not to go that route.
Deanna in answer to your question, my thought would be that the part transforms rather than dies. I think that what dies in the transformation is the previous expression of the part, rather than the part itself. David’s input on this is insightful! One thing that I learned a while ago when reading ‘The Power of Habit’ is that when we are creating new neural pathways, we don’t erase them. We write over them. So, the pathway we’re trying to change or transform doesn’t disappear entirely. Along with what David said, that pathway becomes a memory and the part evolves into the new pathway.
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Summary Post:
There were two really big take-aways for me in the Partswork section that I have been pondering pretty deeply since the intensive. The first was the exercise we did to create a mandala of the expressions of the child. Having dabbled in Partswork with EBI before and practiced some of it on my own over the past year or so, I had definitely identified a child part. I struggled a little bit to understand that part of me. How old is this child? What memories is The Child bringing forth that are separate from the other parts? Why does it seem like The Child is so dynamic and hard to identify? This exercise brought a lot of clarity to me around that. Knowing that our child part is commonly an age range, not necessarily a specific age and, that our child part has many different expressions within itself, has created many “aha” moments for me in reflecting back over my practices thus far. I was always getting this feeling that there were other parts I was missing or not naming. So now if we look at all of our parts, what are the different expressions of each of those?!
The second big take away was the concept of The Addict being a part. I had never considered this and had always seen addiction as a response to the external, or a coping mechanism rather than dealing with what needs dealing with. I never really thought that I was an addict until this intensive. My family has a history of alcoholism and, while I don’t battle that same addiction, my addictive personality manifests in different ways. I can immediately see when and how this part of me takes over. As I write this even I am having this “life flashing before my eyes” experience where I can see how this has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. This explains why addiction recovery is a lifelong process. It’s a part of us that cannot be deleted from the system. We can only learn how to function healthily with it. It has me thinking about whether we actually ever do recover or if the addiction just shifts to some other vice. We can “beat” alcohol addiction for example but, do we just pick up another addiction? Does it just find a new way to manifest?
Partswork kind of naturally takes us to this place of being kind and gentle with ourselves and approaching undesired ways of being in a whole new way. Instead of judging things as bad, we’re given an opportunity to see the inner workings of why we are behaving the way we are. We can gain valuable information from these parts by fully understanding their roles and how they came to be. Looking forward to Partswork 2!
