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Step 3: Participate in the Discussion About This Lesson #3
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20 Replies
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Hi all, I just posted an updated version of the recorded session (found in step one). I realized that I forgot to turn on my screen share again after the 7-stairs mediation, so I included the slides I was referring to. I also added an additional slide about Partswork, and uploaded an audio-only version of the 7-Stairs mediation.
Good luck with the Programming work!
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During our session, Michael talked about the various Parts of us that all show up in any given moment, each with their own motivations and agendas. He asked us, “What are you avoiding with your distractions?” And at the end of the session, he described the 3-D ripple effect of a stone being thrown into a pond.
All of these come together for me at this stage of my journey, as I try to balance progress with daily responsibilities and interferences. In the past, I focused on my vision to the exclusion of the immediate needs of others. In the end, whatever I tried to contribute ended up being rejected because it was not what others needed or wanted. So today, I am trying to learn how to continue developing my own personal growth while being present and relevant to the immediate needs of others around me.
I want to grow in harmony with my personal responsibilities and the needs of others so that my contributions are relevant to those I’m offering them to, not just to myself.
To that end, I am trying to use Partswork to be aware of how I am bringing my whole self to each situation and interaction. Which Part of me interacts mostly with my 9-year old? With my wife? Which Part smiles when my 3-year old rushes over to hug me? Which Part scolds him when he deliberately defies me? Which Part is taking this course? Which Part is dreaming of the future? And Which Part is hiding from it? And what distractions is he using to do so?
I would love to hear how you guys are creating balance in your own lives within this season of growth and envisioning. What challenges do you face? What solutions have you found, or efforts have you made? Is there any way we can support each other as a group?
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It’s interesting to imagine all of our parts working together in different roles to complete the entirety of what we do in our lives, as you described. Perhaps that’s why sometimes my mind feels like it’s scattered when I have responsibilities or needs all over the place – my parts are no longer working together. My Parts have gone rogue! It’s kind of like rallying up a team who has forgotten the “big picture” so instead starts to focus so hard on something that may not even be important that everyone ends up in their selfish silos of accomplishing something, so it is important to spend time having everyone present at a meeting/council so you can regroup. Being the Soul is like being the manager of a team, or being the alpha wolf with a pack of pups. Gotta take control when it’s getting dangerously unorganized. It’s kind of a hilarious image honestly, thinking about my parts running all over the place without a clue.
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Todd,
I really appreciate your honest and open reflection here. It’s so true that as we begin to look at the multiple parts of ourselves – particularly the parts we’ve learned to play well to survive, it can seem a daunting(if not a depressing) assessment at first. Always keep in mind that it’s you, and the unique and abundant love inside you that family, friends and others need. I think those of us drawn to this work are by nature self-reflective and complex people. Part of my growth is simply asking in a moment: what is the most loving thing I can do right now? And simply do that. It can be huge for those you car about – and I think that’s at least part of living Vision. -
Todd,
Thank you for your share. I too have felt challenged with meeting the my needs (self care) while be present for those around me. I found, while I have many changes in my life over the past four months, the breathing practices and meditation have assisted me in re-focusing, setting a new intention for myself and asked myself how do I want my world to be? When I am bing pulled with a distraction, like the boys “fighting” which most often than not it’s out of boredom, I breath. As I take a breath I invite in love and breath out patience, then intervene. Does this work every time for me. No, but what I realized as I added that same breath and mantra to the start of my day, I have showed up in my experiences with more patience. Taking the breath(s) are assisting me in staying in the moment, having a response as opposed to an emotionally charged reaction. I also, just let myself off the hook so to speak. I do not have to be perfect, nor do I need to be hard on myself and place expectations on myself that do not exist. It has gotten easier with practice. I remind myself, I can only do one thing at a time. I just prioritize and realize it’s okay if there are dishes in the sink, because I chose to play with kids or the dog. I realize the moments are far more valuable and uplifting and I can always do the dishes a little bit later. I found when I am truthful and keep my word it’s respecting myself and others respect it too. So If I tell the kids I an play in 20 minutes after I complete something. That means, I stop what I am doing and play. I may have to put a time limit on depending on the day, but it has giving me more balance with family and my individual wellness.Gina
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The Parts Work teaching has offered a deeper sense of recognition that my observer self is already, to some degree, participating in this process. My observer self routinely checks in, but what I think I’m understanding to a finer degree is that there are ‘parts’ that chime in and steer the conversation within. In other words, perhaps I’m self-observing but not necessarily recognizing that in many cases I have parts of myself that want to be heard. My way of moving through the world, especially when triggered, is to instantly check in with my feelings (IF I remember to do so) and then observe the situation from that perspective because feelings will take me to the why’s and how’s. If I get it mixed up it’s the other way around and then I’m lost in hurt, anger and judgement! I’m good at judgement and when it comes up I know I missed the feelings piece. So, with that, feelings can be the catalyst for the parts of myself that want to be heard. This is my journey with the masculine/feminine component in that the feminine part wants to be heard yet the masculine part feels compelled to dominate (old pattern). I clearly see the Parts Work teaching in this self-awakening and I feel blessed to have firsthand experience in how it works! I’m excited to explore this in more detail and would love to hear how others have experienced the observer self as well as Parts Work in daily life experiences.
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The work of observing and allowing what comes along, to listen and recognize the familiar feeling and sensations and do nothing but observe has been uncomfortable and also less and less gripping although still present. Oh there you are young one. You’re feeling that familiar sense of shame. Ohhhh yes. I know this again. I am working with accepting it’s presence right in there. Sometimes it’s the I don’t want to be responsible part, do I have to??. But too it’s also less of a resistance than it has been before. This must come from more than just me, I’d say it’s old and generational as well. The caretaker part can feel resistant and resentful, the young part doesn’t want to do what it doesn’t want to. There is the another part that feels the same if not “meeting the precieved expectations” that makes me feel wrong. Noticing many many parts. Haven’t named them but this work is making me more aware and soften into the recognition of their presence more. I appreciate hearing you speak about the judgement piece Cate. I’ve noticed that come up for me as well. Watching….where is this trying to serve me? It helps with being less Inside the believing of the story.
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I have noticed that as I try on different parts of myself in my lifestyle choices, I will often avoid people in my life, members of my vision council, who reflect my soul back to me. I also have new people in my life who denounce aspects of me, often verbally, that my vision council and soul would say are key to who I am. It’s like a light on the post-it being dimmed.
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Thanks Cindy, and Yes! Having an observer has helped me to recognize when I’m being triggered and then there are the emotions that come up allowing an exploration of what is truly going on. I can dive so much deeper, right? Otherwise it’s an exercise in reaction to the trigger that is often blamed on others or my own behaviors not knowing there’s likely a part of me needing to be heard. I now often set myself up when I know I will be in a situation that has in the past triggered me. This way my observer is heightened and allows me to not react, rather sit with it and be patient, observe. I’m finding I don’t have to respond at all in many cases and that allows a bit of softening and lightness. I love the exploration of this process!
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The coursework is flowing really well and blending with my life. The reflection left me with a big question for myself, which I brought into the EBI coaching call, which in turn led to the initiation of parts work. Did some solo exploration of parts between calls and had an amazing call with my coach this afternoon where she guided me in the facilitation of a dialogue between two of my parts on an issue I was wrestling with during the hours leading up to my call today. For a first stab at the parts work, it was amazingly easeful and I was quickly able to gain some deep insight into my behavior and attitudes. And it was significant – relating back to some milestones missed during my childhood and adolescence, the shadows of which may be lingering here in present time asking for attention in a way that is mildly disruptive and sabotaging. Despite the depth, it did not feel heavy and it was such a relief that these parts were being given an opportunity to speak and express their needs in an adaptive way. It’s possible that my 25 years as a parent, problem solver, and conflict negotiator contributed to the ease with which I was able to navigate the parts work. As well, I am finding that some of the tools already in my tool box are able to be integrated into this work. I really look forward to the next step which is coming up with a plan that satisfies both parts and then checking to see if anyone “else” wants to weigh in before moving forward with the plan. I have also opened the door to some curiosity and openness about how one of the parts can get some of its needs met. What’s possible when we make space for that which was previously unrecognized? Love this work!
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My father was a good provider (we lived in a nice house in a good neighborhood and were financially secure), but he was largely unavailable emotionally throughout my childhood. He had two daughters and a deeply held belief that there was little place in a girl’s life for her father – it was up to the mother to raise her daughters, in his mind. Unfortunately, my mother suffered from multiple mental illnesses/ emotional disorders. Before embarking upon my journey with EBI, I had just completed two years of really good therapy, finally putting to rest and deeply healing some very old traumas. The core trauma I faced and have been healing is that I decided, early in life, that I would give up my own wants and needs so that I could take care of my mother – something she did for her mother, and I’m pretty sure my grandmother did for my great grandmother, etc…As noble and caring as this decision may sound, it’s not one that’s very compatible with happiness or deep satisfaction in life. Though, in many ways, I’ve had a really great life, healing the wound of self-abandonment has me truly learning about myself, discovering who I am, later in life than I expected. I share this story to say that overlaying the concept of partswork over all of this is…fascinating. My very first thought was that I don’t have many parts…which, of course, is not actually true. I am a caretaker, and i am a really good listener. I’m also a super independent hard worker (which has helped me be a successful entrepreneur). There’s a part of me I call “the psychologist” because I love conversations and inquiries like this one, and there’s “the seeker” who loves to connect energetically and spiritually on a higher plane with others, the earth and the cosmos, etc….and i could list several more. But I also feel like there is a very young part, one who was denied a lot in life, and is just beginning to learn her own interests and preferences.
In my household, my wife is the cook (thank goodness, because I never really learned that skill). We’ve been together for just over 24 yrs, and if she cooks eggs for breakfast or tosses a salad for dinner, she’ll often shake some salt and pepper over the top of our dishes and set them on the table. Grateful for her efforts, I never give it much thought. This evening, she asked, “would you like some pepper on that?” …I thought about it for a few seconds and replied, “No, I don’t really like pepper.” She turned to me and said, “how is it that I don’t know that about you?”
“Because I’ve never said it out loud before,” l replied.
I was never someone who mattered enough to bother with figuring those little things out about myself, let alone share them out loud. But, I guess now I am someone who matters enough to do those things. It all sounds very simple to say, but it’s deeply profound to me.
Partswork…very interesting…thank you.
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The anecdote about your wife asking if you wanted pepper, and you realizing that you didn’t actually even like pepper, I think is a really great example of how the simplest things can empower us to take charge of our own lives. It also illustrates the importance in asking others what they need or want, because that is an opportunity for someone to make up their own mind. I know sometimes I have difficulty making decisions, and I think that is the confusion that happens when we assimilate other peoples’ expectations of us into our own desires and needs. So every time we give someone the space to make a judgment-free choice, we empower them to take a stand for what they believe in, or simply what they like or dislike.
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Thanks so much for sharing this piece of you and being willing to be vulnerable in the process. Your story resonates in so many ways to my own story and/or that of my family, especially in the care-giving role and elderly parents. I appreciated your comments about discovering yourself later in life and valuing the parts that are now being presented. It’s interesting how as we age the old childhood wounding takes a front seat if not addressed in an earlier phase of life. It appears there are many levels to parts work and yes, so amazing to overlay with the unfolding of life as it is now.
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After a few days of programming, I am noticing that I am starting to use all 5 senses when in nature better than ever before. I have been working with my coaching guide every Friday and we have come up with a plan to ground “ME” and explore the 5 elements with 5 senses. Earth Air, Water, Fire, Ether and Earth. This week I am working on Air and Water and meditating at my sit spot and tapping in to sound, touch, taste, sight, and smell. this has been an Extremely powerful exercise during my polarity study and tying this course in together. Tapping into that present moment thing every day.
We are also working on Parts work and interviewing a few questions when the work comes up. I have my list and playing with a few questions.Unfortunately I will miss you all tonight due to a swap in my work shift. I will be watching tomorrow morning.
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Parts work is proving to be very beneficial in my life, because I am realizing there are parts of me that I have been completely neglecting. Namely, The Athlete. I grew up playing competitive soccer and starting competitive Crossfit when I was 16, which I had done 5-6 days a week for 6 years, only to “quit” when I graduated college because of feeling ostracized at the gym and putting unnecessary pressure on myself. I spent years trying to fill that fitness void with things like yoga, dancing, hiking, or rock climbing, but I was constantly unhappy with my body and inability to get my physical energy out. My mind was obsessed with how I looked or felt, literally all day. It was like having an eating disorder.
Somewhat suddenly, I realized that my Athlete really needs to be embraced, and that yes I actually do love Crossfit. So I started going back to Crossfit again at an awesome gym, and I am going 5-6 days a week, and already feel so much better about myself and in my body! I thought I knew what was best for myself by suppressing the inner need for competition and fitness, but I was actually denying myself health and wellness in the process. I needed that time to heal my myth of feeling left out or “not good enough” at the gym, obviously; but instead of simply taking a step back with a neutral stance, I cut something out of my life that was actually very important to me, and lied to myself about it.
My temperament requires that I be very careful about making black-or-white decisions, i.e. cutting things out of my life all at once, or bringing things in for that matter. When I get emotionally charged I have a tendency to take on too much or burn bridges, both of which are difficult problems to resolve. So I am really working on being proactive about my meditation and nature walks as grounding forces, and not talking to people or making decisions until I have literally weighed all of my options and checked my emotions out. This in itself probably comes from a Part as well, who has yet to be named.
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It’s interesting to me how the 7 Breaths exercise has taken me back to my Mandala. When asking myself what I was feeling, I became aware of a feeling at my core of being constricted, or slightly bound up, a sort of cowering or ducking. The image of a tortoise retreating into into it’s shell seemed illustrative. Michael added an associated question to the exercise that resonated with me: What is the benefit of avoidance? Heretofore, I would have approached this question with an aura of harshness and self- disdain (The part I call the Taskmaster) and was actually already beginning to cringe. It’s interesting how subconscious this whole process can become. But trying to be more compassionate and gentle (even with myself) I took a more observational role, just being with the feeling. I pulled out my Mandala a few moments ago and the first part to catch my attention was the Alarmist in me. The one who cries wolf at everything, immediately. He means well, he wants to protect me from danger, even though its my practice to stop at most STOP signs. I have no doubt that the Alarmist formed very early in my life, and was a Loyal Soldier, but really, I’ve grown up some and learned a few rules of the road(to continue the metaphor). But I realize that avoidance (turtle in the shell) isn’t serving my adult life so well, there really isn’t much danger I can’t negotiate with the help of a few friends like the Guide and Developer in me.
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wow, the parts work has really opened my eyes. Not only has it opened my eyes but I find myself using my vision counsel everyday. Not to get to personal but I was just about to give up pack my things up and move to TN. and stay with my mom for a few months. I stopped and pulled my vision counsel in and they made me remember all the hard work I’ve done to get this far. They are right, my vision is still flowing.
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I realize I am responding to this discussion late, but I realize that is all part of my current process…
I was introduced to partswork and re-programming about a month before this class through my life coach, and it has definitely changed my life. This class was really helpful for me to understand the details on partswork so that I can deepen my practice.
Recently, I’ve sort of fallen out of practice with partswork and re-programming (I’m traveling, and I can get distracted easy when traveling), which is interesting to observe because I am definitely noticing how easy it is to revert back to old ways of thinking and feeling. I also notice that this reversion can even happen without awareness. I think I am learning an important lesson on soul work- connecting with soul takes dedication and focus! This work is not easy. I just re-watched the last 30min of this class on partswork, and I definitely feel more inspired to continue practicing intention setting through partswork again. -
Soul parts work and creating a mandala is very insightful. I never considered making a mandala of myself. It’s like a personal map that can change as I change and grow. I found that the mandala assist in bring light to my “shadow” areas” which is not always fun to look at. I find this will be an effective and useful tool the more I put into practice.
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After a few days of practicing my sit spot, I realized that the experiences I was having was filling me up in ways that exceeded my expectations. I don’t just mean from a deep feeling of conenctedness or satifcation but even on a more tangible level; engaing with snakes, flocks of birds, and morning fog….all felt like nature reaffirming for me taht this is where I belonged.
Partswork, I find, can be liberating in that it allows to not have to put yourself into one neat package but to honor and respect the diversity that each part presents to the world. I could see elabroating further on the identification to include when these parts appear and pros and cons of each or benefits and challenges. Identifying interjections has been quite a challenge, throughout life. I find this can be on eof th emost difficult aspects as it then forces one to grieve by creating an alternate intention.
