Working w Trauma Discussion (Dec 2020)

[Leslie Wier]

Initial Post

When I think of trauma these days, my thoughts immediately go to the pandemic and the collective trauma we are experiencing as a global society. Within this context, a few clients from work come to mind. They are medical professionals working on the front lines of the pandemic. One is a physician working 100 hours a week. The other is a student nurse who is just about to graduate. Both have very clear desires to make changes to support their health, however their work in healthcare during the pandemic has come up as a significant and lasting barrier this year. I want to take a look at both of these client’s in the context of trauma because there is a common theme between them.

Client #1, the student nurse, has also experienced some depression this year and other challenges in his personal life. All of that on top of the expectations of him at work became overwhelming for him, and for quite a while I didn’t hear from him. He reached out to me again recently and said that he was ‘ready’ to move forward. However after that initial conversation, I have not yet heard back from him. Even when we spoke that time shortly before the new year, I got the strong impression that he may have been pushing himself to be ‘ready’ when he may not be. Essentially his ‘shoulds’ are pushing him to be ready. With Client #2, the physician, I’ve only just started working with her so I’m not sure yet what her specific barriers might be. However, I’m her ‘shoulds’ are already coming up early on in the conversation.

One thing that really stuck out to me from the trauma intensive was the idea that when our body is in the process of resolving trauma, we can’t actually learn, grow, and integrate. The major theme I see between these two clients is the idea of ‘should’, and how it’s so common for people to tell themselves, I ‘should’ be doing something to change or be different (according to perceived cultural standards) when in actuality the biology of trauma dictates they should really be allowing themselves to manage and move through what they are currently experiencing before they move forward.

Since my coaching isn’t typically live, I can’t address trauma in the moment if it were to come up in a session with either of these clients. I think what could be helpful, is introducing resourcing within our conversation as a way to manage their current challenges, while also using some powerful questioning to bring awareness to where the client is now and how their work experiences could be impacting their ability to move forward with goals and change. With client #2 in particular we have started to explore this a little bit and she feels that work is something she doesn’t have control over to make changes with right now. So resourcing may be a good way to help her focus on what she does have control over.

What I like about resourcing is that it meets the client where they are in the present. It doesn’t impose any ‘shoulds’ on them about how they need to be, so I think in this sense it can be a beneficial practice for anyone who is faced with their ‘shoulds’, even if they aren’t experiencing trauma.

[Amber McCormick]

Hi Leslie! I’m really fascinated by this idea around shoulds pushing people to want change. Though we’re not focusing on the process of change in this part of the module, I’m seeing where this would be similar to someone being in coaching/therapy because they are court mandated, or required by a parent or spouse. In this case, there’s a little more personal motivation and attachment, but it seems as though the motivation would still be lower than someone who is ready for change. It’s much harder to change when we are doing something because we feel forced or that we should rather than because it’s what we really want (potentially little to no connection to our deeper need). This is something I’m going to sit with in my own life about the changes I’m trying to make and which ones are shoulds and which ones are an all in ready for change and how the process of change is effected by each of those starting points/intentions. Without sitting with this for an extended period of time, I’m realizing that I am not achieving the goals that I have that are “shoulds”. I’ve tried a few different ways to implement these changes and they still quickly break down. However, the goals that I have that I truly want, the goals that are connected to my deeper need, true self, vision, etc, those changes are occurring much more easily and more successfully. They feel less like work and more like, “hey, I’m doing it!”. Thank you for pointing out this theme. I’m finding it very interesting to sit with.

I see this presenting of resourcing to your clients as a wonderful way to offer them self-compassion and self-care. They are working in a time and industry where they are essentially mandated to give all of themselves at unhealthy levels. The resourcing seems like it is a great way for them to honor themselves, what they are doing for the world, and their needs. For me, it’s also bringing up the need for them to take care of themselves in order to continue serving others.

[Sarah Hope]

Replying to @Leslie
I love that you brought trauma awareness into the medical context. This topic is on my mind a lot lately I’m thinking of the doctors and nurses who have been involved with the pandemic.
In a busy job like nursing, so much stimulus passes through that we never fully get the chance to process. My father was a physician and at the end of his career he developed Parkinson’s disease. When I asked him how he thought it developed he said “stress”. I don’t think he had the language to describe unprocessed trauma in the body. His perception of trauma was limited to physical trauma and had an outward obvious manifestation such as bleeding, bruising or a medical emergency. The trauma we speak of can remain hidden even from ourselves. I so often wish there were a paradigm for doctors and nurses to receive trauma support and awareness training.

I also like the way you take the time to mention the readiness of your client. Opening a coaching paradigm has to mean being ready to face the things clients have been keeping inside. It can be scary to look at these things. I appreciate your sensitivity to that.
I also appreciate your mention of the use of resourcing in distance coaching. A lot of my work is also distance coaching- and it can be hard to imagine how to pull off an effective session when trauma comes up.

[Allyson Duffin-Dalton]

Leslie,

Working with a client in the here and now, having them handle the present and coming up with a plan or resource for when a situation arises is a great idea. I read somewhere that having a therapist is like like learning the tools you need to keep you safe until you can get back to them, something about being on a dark and deserted road when your car breaks down with no one to call for help, you have the knowledge and tools to stay safe until daylight comes with a ride.

I’ve often wondered about the healthcare and frontline workers during this pandemic, who are they turning to and how are they getting help. I’m glad to hear that you’re there for them.

[Amber McCormick]

INITIAL POST
I met with my practice client to start establishing a longer-term coaching relationship. She had expressed that she has been through a lot of trauma in her life and she really wants to move past it. She can tell it’s holding her back in her business and family life. I also knew that she had worked with a therapist in the past, but didn’t currently have one, so we took some time to really tease out the difference between coaching and therapy. Through doing this, she was able to sift through what she is needing and was able to hone in on a goal/intention for coaching- to create more routine in her mornings and business because currently she can’t seem to get anything done because she’s scattered and jumping from project to project. This conversation went smoothly and felt really good and reassuring for me. It’s important to me that my clients have a clear understanding of what I’m able to provide them and in what capacity. It also opened the door for me to explain that I will recommend that we partner with a therapist if anything comes up that’s outside of my expertise. I am comforted knowing that we are on the same page as we move forward together.

Knowing that my client has had a lot of trauma, we started with discussing her connection to her body and resourcing skills. She already seems connected and in tune with her body so we moved into what resourcing is and I talked about what happens in the brain when we become triggered. Her homework assignment is to come up with a list of resources, so that if she becomes triggered by our work and we are not in a session together, she has a list she can turn to for comfort and grounding. Something interesting I found about discussing resourcing with her is how easy it can be to confuse resourcing with relaxing techniques. What I’ve teased out is that it’s important to remember that resourcing is about bringing attention to the present moment. She had mentioned that she uses gaming to calm down when she’s triggered. She said sometimes it’s a tool to bring her back to the present but sometimes it becomes dissociative. I’ve been curious around if this would be considered resourcing or not. I don’t think it is. While it is something that allows her to tolerate the sensations at that moment, it’s not bringing her back to the here and now because part of her is in another world (literally on the game). Where I’ve landed is that the resource should both make the current sensations more tolerable AND bring us to the present moment/engage our PC (the one in our brains, not the one for gaming, ha!). I’m curious to hear what others think about this. It seems like the difference between doing something to become more present and doing something as a distraction/avoidance. I imagine, this is something that could also vary from person to person. What do you all think?

Overall this wasn’t a very “coachy” session, but it felt really important to lay this kind of foundation for our work together. If anyone reads this and has other ideas that pertained to this session, I’d be more than happy to hear them!

[Leslie Wier]

Amber what you hit on with resourcing as a way of practicing self-compassion and self-care is really insightful. I’m realizing that resourcing is not just something to be used only with those who have or are experiencing trauma, but is a way of helping any client develop their own internal resources to support empowerment. I find this ties in directly with the conversation about change being ‘mandated’. When we are working with our clients, we want to come from a place in which the client has the utmost autonomy, and I think more internal resources can only help to empower that autonomy.

I was really keen to read your post because I know you’re interested in working explicitly with people who have experienced trauma. This is not a specialization I’m terribly interested in (I think because dealing with my own trauma feels like enough), but I know it’s something I need to be familiar with – so examples are really helpful for me!

It sounds like you started off the relationship with a very clear and frank conversation around expectations and your scope of practice. That you also stated from the beginning the idea of partnering with a therapist down the line if necessary really sets you up for being able to gently reinforce the necessary boundaries of scope throughout the coaching relationship. I’ve found that a lot of coaches tend to be a bit shy about having this conversation, because it’s a difficult and honest conversation, but the reality is it makes our jobs easier in the long run!

I appreciate what you note about the difference between resourcing and relaxing, and it’s not a connection I had made before. I agree that it can vary from person to person-what is avoidance versus what is establishing presence, just like the practice of mindfulness can look different for every person. At the heart of things, I see resourcing as a type of mindfulness, and I could even see encouraging some creativity on the part of the client with establishing this practice. What I love about resourcing is it relies on our own internal strengths, and that’s a difference I see too. Resourcing is an intentional engagement of our various strengths, whereas disassociation isn’t.

[Amber McCormick]

“Resourcing is an intentional engagement of our various strengths, whereas disassociation isn’t.” YES!!! I love this! And I think it’s spot on. Your comment about using our own internal strengths really struck me– what a beautiful way to help clients build resiliency and confidence! Thank you for helping me expand on this. It definitely has brought a lot of clarity.

For full transparency, I’ve often been the shy coach around the therapist conversation. This one was easy to have because she came to me and said she had been through a lot of trauma so the door was easily opened. It really wasn’t that uncomfortable of a conversation, so that will help going forward. If anything, I think having that conversation may have built some additional trust and safety between us. Since my initial session with her, I had a discovery session with another client and I found my flow with bringing the topic up. I shared about myself, then she shared about herself (I always give clients the option to go first if they want, but they typically want to hear about me first, which makes sense and I think builds a feeling of safety), then I share about my process. In sharing about my process, I’ve made it a practice to also describe the difference between coaching and therapy. That gives me a natural flow into casually mentioning that if anything comes up that’s outside of my expertise, I may suggest that we collaborate with a therapist. This has felt comfortable and has been appreciated by clients so far.

[Leslie Wier]

Amber it sounds like you’ve found a good flow in starting off your coaching relationships in a way that sets some important boundaries around your scope of practice. It’s an interesting contrast to how I might start a relationship with someone. Since I don’t explicitly work with people who are experiencing trauma as a niche, while it can certainly come up, it’s not always a factor. I may mention in a first session that anything outside of my scope will be referred out, but I don’t always necessarily need to set a boundary around therapy vs. coaching because there isn’t always a need to. So it’s really interesting to see how your coaching processes might be different depending on your niche too.

[Allyson Duffin-Dalton]

Amber,

I love that you had a session without it being “coachy” but still offered guidance. I think we get caught up in feeling like we need to hit every CC during a session, but instead we can offer insightful and conversation in a judgement free zone. That was also a great idea to offer to your client about including a therapist in your work together, the more people in someone’s corner the better.

Like Leslie said, offering resources as a self care routine was super valuable. I hope your client continues with that!

[Amber McCormick]

SUMMARY POST- My biggest takeaways from this discussion are the importance of the coaching vs therapy talk and the difference between resourcing and relaxing.

Previously, I found the conversation around bringing in a therapist daunting and uncomfortable. Now that I have had a little practice, I’ve found that it’s fairly easy to bring this conversation in at the beginning of the coaching agreement. I’ve found that sharing my process with the client (to be sure we are a good fit) is a great way to pull in the difference between coaching and therapy, and thus that leads gently into the conversation around inviting a therapist into the process if needed. Since many of my clients have been through a lot of emotional trauma, I’m pleased to have found my way with this sooner than later.

Thinning about the differences between resourcing and relaxing is an important distinction. To me, relaxing tends to be somewhat dissociative, maybe not completely dissociative, but unlikely to be fully present in the moment like with resourcing. Resourcing on the other hand is more of a mindfulness practice. It is a great support for the nervous system when trauma is overwhelming but also seems to have a place in self-care and building self-compassion and resiliency.

[Leslie Wier]

Summary Post

A major takeaway for me with the Trauma module is a clearer understanding of the coach’s role in relation to trauma. Because trauma is something that every person experiences, as the coach we need to be prepared if it does come up in a session. It’s not our job to help a client heal their trauma, only to help them get to a space of peace and connectedness that will allow them to continue moving forward in the coaching process. It’s the idea of coaching “with” trauma rather than healing or changing it. This means being able to identify when a client is having a trauma response, and then determine the most appropriate way to respond to that – through listening, support, understanding, and resourcing.

Another major takeaway is in regards to resourcing. The purpose of resourcing is to produce or access a positive or supportive state. Because there are many ways to resource, what method we might use with a client can really depend on the client and what is most supportive for them. I feel that pairing a method of resourcing with a client’s needs and strengths is important. The more someone can engage with their strengths, the better, and the more likely they are to want to continue engaging in that practice. In this way, resourcing is intentionally meant to shift towards attention and awareness. It’s not simply relaxing or calming down, it’s developing presence and bringing the ability to choose back into the equation.

[Sophie Turner]

While I haven’t had any clients in which trauma has arisen the information shared in by Katie Asmus can be applied to my work in nursing. I would like to draw on these experiences and how that would inform my approach to coaching around clients with trauma.

Everyone’s trauma is their own; trauma is a subjective experience much like pain and while we can gain perspective through understanding others trauma, we cannot assume that what is traumatic for one will be the same for someone else. The pandemic, a community trauma, has been felt the world over and the levels of trauma are relative to each country. The trauma felt in Europe or the US vary greatly to that which has impacted the Australian, yet collectively we all feel some sense of loss and challenge in coping in this forever altered world.

As a nurse I have experienced every kind of trauma, from being a first responder to roadside accidents in rural nursing, to the domestic assault victim presenting to emergency and those dealing with the life altering diagnosis of cancer and the trauma that is felt when undergoing treatment. Particularly bone marrow transplants.

I have seen many cases in which survivors of cancer are paralysed by fear to live their lives, terrified that the cancer will return at any moment. I’ve been intrigued the past few years whether there is a place for coaching to help these patients adjust; at this point in their journey, they are often neglected by the health system as a success story. Should they wish to deal with the fear and to recognise it for what it is requires their own awareness and willingness to find the support they need. There are a few studies which have been completed in the UK on small samples which have shown great success, they have offered coaching to patients at the three-to-five-year survival mark. These small studies have shown that through coaching, survivors have been able to move through the fear and trauma accumulated throughout their journey.

What stood out for me during the intensive was the idea of sequencing and I thought that the level of fear/trauma evident in cancer survivors demonstrated the unfulfilled sequencing process. This is evident as not everyone feels the level of fear or trauma that I have discussed above.

Throughout my time in cancer care I utilised resourcing multiple times, the example that comes to mind was a young man, 27, who was at the end of his transplant and developed a medically induced psychosis. While this was intimidating to the nursing staff I was often allocated to look after him and spent my time talking to him, validating his fears and using parts of resourcing to connect with him and holding space. Occasionally, we would have competitions to get him up and mobilising around the ward. A question I often used with him was is it ok to be ok?

I love this question and use it often in my coaching, it is so simple and holds immense power. I worked with the pysch team in providing support to this patient. He was a challenging and rewarding case to be involved with. I ran into him a few months after his discharge when he came for a follow up appointment, he came up and gave me a big hug, he told me that my time and support was hugely important to him being able to gain perspective and come through the other side, it was a very humbling moment. We do not often get to see our patients once they leave the high acuity ward I worked on.

That one example taught me many lessons especially that during the time spent with this patient I sometimes felt it was futile, especially when I have several other acute patients to attend to.

What I will take away from these nursing experiences, and this intensive is the following.

1. Be present and hold space.
2. Utilise resourcing to bring the patient back to the present, ground them.
 “Resourcing changes peoples lives”
 Feel their feet on the ground and breathe
3. Allow the sequencing, it is integral to the process.
4. Maintain awareness of the coaching relationship and when referral to therapy would be appropriate.

I look forward to applying each of these in my coaching sessions and in the meantime utilising them in the emergency department. Particularly, in interviewing and assessing victims of domestic violence.

[Jennifer LeCompte]

Sophie, I loved reading this! Your compassion and groundedness translates through text and is felt on my side of the screen. I too love the question of, “is it ok to be ok?” It has been a valuable tool in my tool belt as a coach thus far.
I do have a question for you. As a responder and witness to the pain and suffering of others, do these experiences lead to trauma for you? If so, how do you work through that trauma as one who supports others through theirs? I ask because I always wonder who takes care of the caretakers.

[Sophie Turner]

I almost changed tangents in my first response and addressed this question Jen. Almost.

I didn’t though, I packaged it back up, taped that box up tight and deposited it safely in the compartment labelled ‘a nurses trauma – it’s here and hers alone.’

When I went through nursing, the school of thought was you compartmentalise and then if lucky enough you can unpack it later to sequence through the pain/trauma. However, don’t break confidentiality, you shouldn’t talk about complex patients outside of the hospital, these are important aspects in the hospital code of conduct, as they should be. But it provides the contradiction of being a rock at work, in front of the patient, their familys and then is it unethical to debrief at home.

Should you try and debrief at home, with a loved one or a friend that has not experienced this level of exposure to trauma, their eyes will glass over, they will fidget trying to find an escape.

They often won’t know what to do, they are used to you being the rock, you save lives, you remain calm under pressure, you can direct and manage chaos. This sudden need to debrief challenges their view of you. In their discomfort, they will try and comfort you, pat you on the shoulder, tell you, you just need a hot bath or a good night’s sleep. And we neglect to tell you that we don’t need any of that, we need you to hold space, be there, hear me, try not to fix it. Let me process, let me feel, let me cry.

So nurses often won’t do any of this, it gets packed away. When it starts manifesting in way that impact work or your personal life you are burnt out.

I have tried all the above, I have burnt out more than once and I have become more equipped to manage.

Thankfully organisations are more aware of the accumulated impact trauma and grief has on employees and the retainment of experienced staff, but I still see the symptoms everywhere I have worked.

My strategy is this.

I live by the mantra that nursing is 24 hours care, while I care for my patients, I need to be able to park it when I leave. I do this through listening to classical music on the way home, taking a walk-in nature or meditating. I know symptomatically when I need to do more, rest, I get anxious, my care factor is low, and I don’t sleep. Self-care is the most important here.

Resilience is a buzz word in health care, how do we foster resiliency in our staff?

You cannot be build resilience without vulnerability. You cannot be vulnerable in the workplace. Learning this completely shifted my perspective on how I manage trauma and made the resourcing I use above more powerful. I started being more vulnerable, little bits here and there, with my friends and family, the postman, my colleagues and most importantly my patients. These small moments of vulnerability with them, being in the moment with them allowed me to sequence through trauma in real time, making me more resilient. I’m still working out how I can do this in small ways during high pressure resus and emergency situations but practicing vulnerability is a game changer.

It’s also f*cking hard.

[Jennifer LeCompte]

I appreciate your incredibly candid and raw response. The idea of others “trying to find an escape” in the midst of needing that container to unpack and feel resonated with me. Our container determines our capacity to support others. Is it microwaveable? Can it be washed in the dishwasher, or is it a one-time use container? We don’t always know whether the people hearing us have a compatible container, and we still may find that it is overflowing without anyway to properly get the lid on it when its time to store the container on the shelf.

I see you as much as one who can’t touch the same experience as you. I also recognize the importance of self care, but also the challenges of this. For years I’ve thought of it as indulgent, selfish, and to keep going until my body breaks. Then I had to care for many others and realized I can’t go on without claiming and owning that need. I’m glad that you recognize that in yourself and act on it.

As an aside, I can’t fully wrap my arms around what it is like in the world of Sophie the Nurse, but I can attest that Sophie the Life Coach is a damn fine coach indeed. 🙂

[Sul]

Response 2 @ Sophie

Hi Sophie,

your post reminded me of the importance of coaching presence. Present with trauma that is subjective. Present with what that is teaching you in the moment. Present with being uncomfortable with someone else’s trauma when it surfaces. Present with validating someone’s deep internal process. I agree with the value of the simple question you used is it ok to be ok? When I have experienced intense trauma trigger I can’t handle anything except a simple question like this. I imagine this was a guiding light for this client/patient. I also see the value is repeating this question as it may be more of the guide than anything else. Ok to be ok is foundational. I also hear the depth of caring for someone through a dark passage. Amazing healing story thanks for teaching us!

[Jennifer LeCompte]

I love all the resourcing work we did with Katie during this intensive. Ever since then, I feel like I have been handing out resourcing exercises like breath mints. And, not just to my clients, rather I hand them out to anyone who seems like they are in the midst of stress or overall weariness.

The biggest incidence of trauma that I have seen in my clients and people around me has been the collective trauma of the pandemic. I have clients who are working through their own individual concerns and trauma, but there is a haze of weariness on most people I see these days about the pandemic. For those of us living in Texas, the snowstorm we had a few weeks ago pushed a lot of us over the edge. Already so close to the breaking point of living adversely to our usual, suddenly yanking electricity and water away was more than a lot of people could handle. Add the scarcity of empty shelves at the store and the inability to get access to medical care for a few days, all of it adds up pretty quickly.

One of my clients mentioned that she took a trip to the store once the roads had cleared. She managed to get her hands on some clementines, which was practically gold that week, and brought them home to her husband. Her husband is wheelchair bound, with a lot of physical struggles. He loves navel oranges. She was so excited to bring him fruit, showing him what she found. When he joked about them not being navel oranges, she said that she lost it. As she is telling me this story, she is laughing, but in that moment, she had reached a breaking point. It was hard enough that she had to melt snow to fill the toilet so that her husband could use the bathroom. She said the challenges of his health are manageable with utilities, but without it was killing her.

I feel like we are seeing traumas piled on to traumas. What is normally a struggle without the constant fear of getting sick is now exponentially harder with the lasting effects of a global trauma. As a coach, I have to fight the tendency to “make it right.” There is a “heal the world” part of me that wants to give everything I possibly have to make the ride smoother for others. However, I can’t life anyone’s trauma for them, and it would do them a disservice to do so. Ultimately, I can only offer compassion and a safe space to walk with others while they work through their challenges. It gives us strength and resilience to work through our struggles, and I like being a support for those in that place.

As a coach, I’ve found that working with trauma isn’t as daunting as I imagined it to be. Listening at the soul level and continuing to ask the focused questions still gets my clients to a place of meeting their goals and building awareness. As we prepare to move into the Grief and Loss intensive, I find myself really excited, and also really nervous. This is an area where I really want to be of service, and I hope I can be for others. Since loss can often be tied to trauma, I’m glad to have the resourcing and a better understanding. I continue to read about epigenetics and how it plays a role in our resilience and responses to challenges and trauma. I also continue to look at my own trauma and come to an understanding within myself of what I can do to integrate thoughtfully, without judgment, and move forward with more compassion and clarity.

[Sophie Turner]

Jen, I thought of you often during the snowstorm it did seem like the straw that would break the camel’s back when coupled with the pandemic. As you said, traumas piled on traumas.

How are you looking after yourself during these unusual times? I noted a desire to try and ease the trauma of those around you but knowing that you can’t life others trauma for them. Have you honoured what you need to life your own collected traumas this past year?

I’m imagining you with a minty fresh aura around you as you devour resourcing mint after resourcing mint. Almost like a shield.

[Jennifer LeCompte]

This is a really interesting question right now. Here we are, two months later, and the answer is completely different than it was then. The simple answer is I’m starting to tend to my own traumas, because I can recognize that they are there. I’ve recognized how down I’ve been the early part of the year. (Austin is really grey in January and February). I’ve recognized that as much as I need alone time to recharge, I desperately need face to face connection with others. I’ve seen how the over-productive nature of this country has turned into an internalized shame by not meeting arbitrary quotas and “shoulds.” Being able to see how life has changed and the transition I made from teaching to coaching has revealed all this to me.

What am I doing? Now I’m actually going back to my yoga roots, three times a day for small periods. I’m eating foods that speak to me and cutting down on mindless eating. I’m not apologizing for reading a book or taking a day to play a video game. (Although that last bit is still challenging). I’m slowly reprogramming my brain to have the balance I speak of with others.

One of the things a teacher told me is that the advice we give others is in part advice for ourselves. So I’m listening more closely now. What am I telling others about giving themselves permission to fully feel their emotions, about rest, about joy, about connection? I’m trying to see through that lens of supporting others, but me being just as valuable as those who I support. It’s a challenge, but a necessary one.

[Sarah Hope]

I deeply appreciated this section on trauma. One thing that really stood out for me was the brains reaction to trauma. Learning and forward momentum becomes impossible because the brain is in a fight or flight state- more concerned with the survival than self-realization. I’ve had moments with clients where I realized I was no longer talking to an adult but rather a traumatized younger version of the client. Goals and intentions don’t make sense at this point and pushing them will only cause the client to get frustrated and angry. Having some skills around trauma awareness is a great addition to any coaching practice.
I had two female clients around the time of the session that presented opportunities to practice the trauma awareness skills we learned.
Client #1: A therapist who was struggling to make the move away from a Medical model based-therapy practice into a more personally meaningful practice. She was having a hard time moving forward on this- when we began to talk about it she would nervously pick at her fingers and deflect attention elsewhere. In our last session we worked with resourcing. she loved tarot cards and we were able to use them to pendulate safely between the trauma- and the deeper meaning (offered symbolically by the tarot cards). We also used some gestalt and physical movement to discharge some of the energy, When trauma came up. I employed the pushing technique with this client a few times and that seemed to diffuse some of the tension around this topic.
Client #2: Has had trauma come up on a few occasions and I was able to better recognize it during our session together. I noticed that she often seemed physically fatigued but hyper-animated in her speech. By bringing in some present moment and body awareness she seemed to shift quickly from fatigue into tears and other noticeable discharge of emotion- such as sighing, and relief breaths. After this she was better able to find clarity and realize which of her decisions were fear-based and which were aligned.
From this I learned that it’s hard, if not impossible to accomplish new goals while stuck in unprocessed trauma or a fear/survival mindset. I am beginning to realize that people can compound their initial trauma by blaming and judging themselves for not being able to access their potential. they feel guilt and shame for not reaching the goal, this seems to add to the feelings of worthlessness. Have a sense of self-worth seems central to being able to accomplish a personally meaningful goal. It seems to me in order to feel self worth we need to be able to process the trauma and fearful reactions to the world. I am profoundly affected by this class and this topic- it has made me a more sensitive coach and also given me permission to be sensitive and aware of trauma in a coaching session.

[Sul]

Response 1 @ Sarah

Hi Sarah,

I appreciate you highlighting the brain functions to keep us safe in survival mode and with that leading function there is no focus on learning and self-relizaiton as you wrote. I agree and see that assessment in working with clients about who we as the coach are talking to at that moment. It very well may be their wounded child. This is where our deep listening skills come in as guides. So thankful to EBI for cultivation this deeper. Great awareness and use of Gestalt. What did you do when you noticed the first client you wrote about deflecting. How did you re-direct? I love hearing about you using tarot cards in a session. I’m a divination practitioner and use them and oracle cards. I see your client loved them and perhaps it was a door to establishing trust and safety? This makes me wonder about creative ways in which we as coaches meet that criteria for professional coaching. Very cool !

[Sophie Turner]

SUMMARY – this discussion thread has been so beneficial to me personally and professionally. I learned a great deal more in understanding trauma and how I can better support my clients and also understand my own processes when dealing with trauma.

[Sul]

In group coaching women I lay down principles of support in the beginning of the circle. Some are grounded in embodied experiences from other groups I’ve studied in that were guided by facilitators who are trauma informed and I adapted my approach to include them in my services. Some of them are the following.

There are no rules everything is a choice

Confidentiality

Release judgment about yourself and about others

Radical Inquiry explore embodied experience of yes and no having theses choices welcomed celebrated by the group and within oneself

Pause

Mutual support and cooperation

Confidentiality

respect for differences,

non-violent communication (ahimsa)

option to pass

honoring the pause – not reacting if triggered.

I will ask for support when I need it

I will place my attention on my wholeness rather than my fractures

When another woman is expressing emotion I will breathe fully into my body and track my sensations

Listen and witness

Place tissues within her reach

Sit shoulder to shoulder with her if called

Connect with empathy

I will not touch her

I will not Hand her tissues

I will not Provide sympathy or offer unsolicited advice or commentary at any time

An emoting woman can ask for otuch and you can ask if she’d like touch or a hug if that feels right

Acknowledge you are stepping into Mystery all is well you are guided and held deeply

I also invite participants to add or change anything to fit the group. I found this boundary set a tone for self responsibility. Coming from some idea of working in groups of women and knowing all of us are in different places in our journey with our personal and collective trauma I was relieved to receive this training with Katie to get more of a grasp on what trauma is and how to as a guide lead and serve professionally. I feel like I am better able to identify, listen, support and understand trauma in general when I coach. I noticed a simple but profound principle not directly stated on my list is to help bring self to th represent moment to re-engage there again.

I have taught my clients about nervous system regulation from the resources I gathered through my own self discovery and healing journey/studies. I find this is empowering by offering practical ways of recognizing when oneself is dysregulated and how to resource if need be. What I feel I integrated more in this intensive was how to resource better for myself as a leader.

The neural pathways stuff has been missing from my past guiding coaching even though I addressed it in subtle ways I now feel more confident in directly explaining this which I have to all my clients. In my last client experience I used orienting which I have done prior to EBI but with a fresh lens. I noticed my client was a little confused about what that was doing for them in which I explained the purpose of it. I used gestalt methods with simple questions of what are you aware of now in the orienting at the start of their session and at the end of their session. Orienting out of session or grounding what occurred in the session is key. What I used that I didn’t have the words for in the past was Katie’s “look at something that pleases you” I also used her establishing safety and to welcome what is coming up approach. I have done this before but in this fresh articulation I invited the client to write down their resources.

A great tool “shaking” was really helpful in the session when client expressed stagnant energy mixed with old wounds surfacing in their life. I explained the shaking and invited them to experiment. They did and I did with them. They came back to the zoom meeting invigorated. I wonder though if this is only the right thing to experiment with in certain moments. Like is it as effective if someone is in fight as much as freeze? What I noticed was how involved and present I needed to be to assess what may be happening in their embodiment in that moment which is harder through a computer screen. Taking this slow and trusting myself was critical as the guide for my client.

Assess clients to help stay in a regulated state is a key component in my practice.

[Sul]

Summary:

When I reflect on all the wisdom in everyone’s posts I think a little more about my personal path with trauma. I remember telling my therapist once that growing up in a home of domestic violence and other extreme abuse literally stunned me to the point of a constant freeze mode. The resolution and integration was like a jagged piece of broken glass shattered reflections of myself trying to see to make sense of what happened to me. I told her that this journey resulted in me dropping out of school because I simply could not learn anything. I just needed to be safe and figure out what that meant for my mind body spirit identity and so forth. When my therapist told me that was not my fault that my brain was doing what it is mean to do which is to make me survive the other cognitive functions were just not something I could access. It was a brain thing. This helped me see my journey much more clearly. It shifted my perspective and my choices. It lifted the burden of shame and I should have mentality. It brought a sense of presence into my process that I could honor and grasp. So much of my ability to lead and serve others comes from a great wound as I’m sure many of us can relate to. I feel presence is the gift we can bring to ourselves as we continue the healing quest and presence is the gift we can bring to our clients for their learning and growth. Keep teaching the brain science EBI!

[Allyson Duffin-Dalton]

I find it hard to be open about past traumas lately. It almost seems that when someone mentions a trauma they endured, someone else wants to say “Ya well, I had THIS happen.”

Trauma isn’t black and white, it isn’t a big fish little fish, who had the worst, who suffered the most, who is still messed up from it. Trauma is. it just *is*.

Everyone handles trauma differently and deserves the space to do so. Trauma also comes in many shapes and sizes, like global (the pandemic), community (The Joplin, MO tornado that happened on May 22, 10 years ago), and personal (my cat has just been diagnosed with diabetes, and he was inseparable with our pup that passed away who had diabetes last year.)

Trauma can manifest in many ways and show many symptoms like being physically ill and needing mental health intervention.

When I was 11 I broke my jaw. It was never fixed and healed incorrectly, so overtime I have been wearing away the cushion that lines my jaw joint. Last year (2020) I rebroke it at work. This caused significant trauma to rebloom and hinder my mental capacities and I understood that I would require extensive surgery to repair my jaw. I am still dealing with this trauma, but I recognize that others have it worse, they just don’t have a right to tell me they do.

[Naffer Miller]

I have not yet had any sessions with a client that have touched on trauma. When I was trying to decide what I wanted to write about for this submission, however, I was overwhelmed by how many examples I had of working through trauma on my own and/or with others that I could share. From my personal life at home, to my experiences as a volunteer with my Rescue Squad, or to working as a teacher and at camp, I had examples of working through trauma in any direction I turned, and it made me think of the saying, “Everybody has their stuff.”

Everyone also has their resources.

In all of the examples I just listed, in addition to being able to identify traumas, I can also identify resources and experiences of resourcing. I appreciate how Katie talked about starting with resource, much like when we start from a place of strength in Partswork. The topic of resiliency has risen to the surface in many communities and conversations recently, especially in this time of COVID. Whether it’s named as such or not, starting with resource is a key element in building resiliency.

Resilience is a process. I have often thought about the contrast between the images of bouncing back and springing forward. For me, bouncing back feels like it starts from a place of a reeling, backward movement that is unsettling and out of one’s control. I feel it in my belly when I think about bouncing back because there is that initial state of unease, and a sense that it will require more effort to shift towards forward movement. Springing forward, however, feels like it can start from a state of stillness and calm, and there is more control over the process. With resourcing, we can start from a grounded point, naming challenges and obstacles, and collecting lessons learned. We can then spring forward as we work through sequencing and celebrate the capacity to heal.

One of the chapters in The Untethered Soul that resonated with me was, “removing your inner thorn.” I read that “thorn” to be trauma. “The first choice,” Singer says, “is to look at your situation and decide that since it’s so disturbing when things touch the thorn, you need to make sure nothing touches it. The second choice is to decide that since it’s so disturbing when things touch the thorn, you need to take it out.” A thorn doesn’t have to be big to cause serious pain, and we need to complete the process, sequence, and be sure it’s removed in a way that is going to allow for healing. Reading that makes it feel so obvious. Why wouldn’t you remove a thorn?! And yet…

When we participated in the different resourcing exercises, I was drawn to the balances between safety and fear, the familiar and unknown, fluid and frozen. The protection of the thorn from being touched and the process of the thorn being removed. I found comfort in the fact that pain and pleasure are both perceived and processed in the same part of our brains. I felt it in my heart and chest when Katie said, “Whatever happens is perfect.”

Rather than avoiding, masking, or suppressing trauma, which have been the prevailing responses in my personal experiences, for both myself and those around me, it is crucial to allow it to sequence. I am grateful for what we learned about trauma and sequencing, and I feel better equipped now to support a client in that awareness. I am also buoyed by the notion that with resourcing and support in sequencing, we can move forward with a wider window of tolerance and from a place of balance.

[Naffer Miller]

Recently, in trying to put words to my work as an NCC for some of my more skeptical listeners, and in recognizing the roles of the brain and Nature, I landed on an equation that may help introduce Nature-Connected Coaching to some of my clients who are otherwise wary of the “squishy” parts of it. I introduce to you the Law of Non-Squishy Coaching: If everything happens in our brains and our brains are nature, then everything happens in nature. I’m still working on it. Where I am going with that loose application of the Transitive Law is that perhaps connecting the brain to coaching for our clients could also be a way to introduce Nature as a partner in the equation who is already doing the work with them. In working with an issue, Nature could be introduced as a safe source for metaphor and/or for resourcing, without raising the flags of “trust falls” and “touchy feely” aspects of coaching that some of my clients have expressed fear of in the past.

For me, the role of Nature in this module was like a salve for all of the triggers that threatened my ability to concentrate and engage. We talked about resourcing and its power to change people’s lives, and how we can always find and get to resource, no matter how challenging things are. Nature itself is an amazing resource, a bottomless well of resourcing.

In contrast, I have been sitting with the questions about the traumas and Traumas that Nature experiences. On a local level, I love my garden, and I talk to my plants. I know they are adaptable and resilient (for the most part), but I don’t want to be the source of their pain and/or trauma. In what ways may I be doing that? On a global level, I find those questions to oftentimes feel crushing and paralyzing, and I am feeling pulled, now more than ever, to fight that discomfort and find answers to those critical questions. In what ways can we help guide Nature through Trauma?