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Discussion Question (it looks like this is going to post under Joy’s posting, but it’s really my initial post! ;-))
Client is in her 50s and has been contemplating leaving her current part-time job to do something that is a better fit for her desires and passions.
In a recent session with my client I focused on Gestalt principles. For example, I emphasized coming back to the present after reflecting on the past and/or thinking about the future to notice what was in her body to help clarify her truth. I said, “What are you noticing now?” a lot (lol) and wished I had used some of the other sacred questions. To further emphasize the present experience I also reflected back the energy and changes that I observed in her as we progressed in the session.
I recognize the importance of the client-guide relationship and wanted to create a safe container for her. I’ve been working with this client for awhile; I certainly feel comfortable with her and have the impression that she is comfortable with me too and is able to open up.
I definitely feel the Gestalt roots in our NCC training. Because I’m a language geek I wanted to know more about how the German word “gestalt” got associated with this type of psychotherapy. Here is what I found on https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/gestalt:
The perception of oneness from many is the basis of gestalt. It derived from the 1890 German philosophy of Gestaltqualität, meaning “form or shape,” which explored the idea of perception. For example, a picture might have several separate parts that work together to form one perceived image. The area of gestalt psychology developed in 1912, focusing on the various aspects of a person and how they combine into a whole that affects that person’s relationship with his or her environment.
I that that is evidenced in the key elements, which can be experienced at different levels. Some of these include:
– Awareness of what is going on in the present moment (Individual experience)
– Dialogue between guide and client (Interpersonal)
– Tapping into the field/external environment (interconnectedness)
The threshold is the “Experiment” of Gestalt—a chance to try something new. I also think there is emphasis on choice that comes through both modalities. For example, we can choose to have a new attitude or belief; it might take some effort to root out an old one, but/and we have the choice and can change our brains!
Nature is both a theme of what she would like to work in and also something my client would tap into repeatedly during the session by looking outside through her window and feeling connected to something bigger. We were doing our session virtually, and I still find it challenging to skillfully inject nature into my sessions like that, especially with this client.
For me the reading was an interesting combination of statements that crystallized things and statements that left me with glazed eyes. I really appreciated the example dialogues and will go back to this article to keep going deeper and for some example phrases to try out, like “Put words to it.” One of the quotes that stuck with me is “Living is a progression of needs, met and unmet, achieving homeostatic balance and going on to the next moment and new need.” It reminded me that all we have is this moment (and this one. . .), and that we are all just trying to get our needs met.
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Summary Post
The threshold experience can be so powerful: it is actually practicing what you want to take with you, sampling how it feels to be the person you want to be. While it can be empowering to step into the creativity to figure out what you want; it may also be a scary proposition for a client (I am reminded of feeling overwhelmed by a blank sheet of paper in a pastels class many years ago—my nervous system was caught in “freeze” as my mind felt overwhelmed not knowing where to even start); a coach creating a container of safety and support is thus really important.
It’s also important to recognize that each session will be a little different; it’s not always linear, and we will not always get to threshold. As a coach, I want to stay in the mode of curiosity and openness and not be attached to a particular outcome in a session.
I am also inspired to encourage my clients to use all five* senses when tapping into nature for inspiration.(*six, if they want to see dead people**)
(**bonus points if you get that reference***)
(***is anyone reading these posts anyway? ;-))
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I feel like my life’s work/purpose is to support others with their life’s work/purpose, so I envision ideal clients as people who are working on their dreams. I feel drawn to start a business with the purpose of offering support to “soulpreneurs” in a variety of ways (strategic/action-oriented, nature-connected coaching, and craniosacral)—particularly womxn. I want my clients to feel like they are not alone and that they have a helping hand in working toward their dreams, whether starting a new business or non-profit or a special project. I also want to support my clients with self-love and helping them feel whole, which I have personally worked on a great deal. I would like to help clients lean into fears—to get out of their own way—to pursue their passions.
I want my work to be accessible financially and anticipate having a sliding scale or some other creative way of accommodating people of lower incomes.
Collaborating with nature—ideally I will meet my clients outside as much as possible, perhaps on nearby trails or in a park. Even if we are inside or over Zoom I see tapping into nature as a way to enhance the experience. Collaborating with nature is challenging for me to articulate, because it feels so holy and in the moment that I just don’t think words do it justice. I want to help people make soulful decisions.
Re: organizations that serve similar populations: one that came to mind is the Small Business Development Center (https://bouldersbdc.com/). I actually don’t know that much about it, but I have a contact there and am in the process of setting up a coffee date with her soon to learn more about what they offer!
Also, this site has inspired me: https://yourlightspace.co/ I want to help Paige’s clients (“soulpreneurs”) as they implement the business model strategy she provides to them. Think I might reach out to her too. . .
I think these organizations have great resources for folks but probably don’t focus as much on the touchy feely “tap into yourself” conversations. That’s where I come in!
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Summary Post
It has been really fun and inspiring to reflect on this and to see everyone’s else’s reflections and thought process. I can really feel everyone’s passions coming through, which is why I love this program and this creative process. It has also confirmed in me that I want to support others because I know how much being—and feeling—supported has meant to me, and I believe that supporting one another is a way to lift up individuals and the collective (Age of Aquarius, anyone?).
I am noticing more and more people who are advertising themselves as coaches (this is probably partially the Reticular Activating System at work and partially the fact that coaching is, indeed, a growing field). In my moments of self-doubt* I wonder how I can distinguish myself from others—why someone would come to me when there are so many great coaches out there. Ultimately I am learning to trust that the right people will show up and to trust that I have something to give.
*For you Partswork aficionados, this is probably “Protector Pete” trying, well, to protect me from failure. “Thank you, Protector Pete. I see you, and I hear you. . .”
(the Forum was acting weird, so I am replying to myself to get this Summary Post up there ;-))
(Foundations done–woot! Mic drop!)
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Initial Post
Q: Reflect on your experience as a client in the “threshold”. How does that experience inform your coaching and why? How did Nature participate in your process and what does that tell you about coaching others? What ICF core competencies are essential for you to practice and build on to feel confident in that “place” as a coach?
I love threshold experiences—to me they are the value-add of Nature-Connecting Coaching. It is a safe and supported sample of how I actually want to be. They are definitely an “edge”/challenge, and I think it is so important to create a safe and supported space for the client. In my experience so far, I have usually felt supported by my coach, but sometimes I have held back if I have been observed (e.g., fishbowls or online practice sessions) or if I think I will be heard if I make noise, for example (by my neighbors).
Actually doing a threshold outside and involving Nature has been particularly powerful, because I have felt held by the earth, connected to something larger than myself. I remember the fresh air being stimulating for the brain as well as a feeling of expansiveness. Sometimes I think asking a client for how nature can play a role in their threshold can be challenging for them, particularly if we are doing a session over Zoom.
Some of the core competencies that I think are particularly relevant here are:
– Cultivating Trust & Safety: a threshold can be a scary proposition, so the client has to feel safe, not judged; has to be something the client wants/feels comfortable with (though of course, the whole experience may still be a bit of an edge)
– Maintains Presence: be right there with the client, holding the space and participating in the way the client says would be most supportive
– Listens Actively and Evokes Awareness: these are important for the space leading up to the threshold as well as for the threshold itself
– Facilitates Client Growth: this has the potential to be a powerful experience that helps a client go beyond their fear and blast through long-held assumptions/beliefs to experience how they want to be. To me it is the ultimate test of a big assumption to try on something new (described in Chapter 8 of Coaching Skills, p. 181)
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Cecile—How wonderful that you made the connection that your client was laughing in uncomfortable situations; I think it shows how in tune and observant you are. Sounds like you had a valuable experience recording and transcribing the session too—thanks for the motivation for my future assignment.
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Lindsay—This is such a wonderful example of nature-connected coaching and the Gestalt-like experiment. I love how your client envisioned this practice being part of her “busy work” business tasks moving forward. I also appreciated the example of you (coach) suggesting a high-level idea and letting the client customize it; I’m always exploring the best way to do that. Thank you also for describing your client’s story so clearly. It was really helpful to read!
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John—I love how you matched the three sacred questions with the different levels (mind, heart, and soul). I don’t know if it was presented to us that way and I forgot (highly likely, ;-)!) or if that is something that you created, but/and that really resonated with me. I also really appreciated the reminder about how coach+client are really just two people coming together to explore and that as coaches we can still be authentic (including being playful!). To me it is such a treat to be a part of someone’s process, and I want to be able to express that.
I could go on and on, as your post is so rich and well-written; it will serve as a reference to me for Gestalt and our coaching—thank you!
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Joy—I really appreciated your reflective questions related to your own presence as a coach and how you were holding space! I also liked the reminder to stay present ourselves and really listen, rather than focus on the question we are going to ask next (<–raises hand: guilty!).
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I totally agree with Cecile, Toni—what a wonderful support you would be for women going through this transition. I have been listening to a variety of podcasts on menopause and what women should know (how is it that information has been so scarce?).
My sweetie found some inspiration from this book too (The Women’s Wheel of Life: https://elizabethdavis.com/books/the-womens-wheel-of-life-thirteen-archetypes-for-every-woman/)—have you heard of it
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John—So many of the things you touched upon resonated with me. Re: ability to pay, I’ve been thinking about reserving a certain number of discount sessions each month that I can offer to those with financial need (e.g., maybe 2-3 per month). I might not advertise them per se but offer if it comes up.
I love that you are getting clients via word of mouth so easily. I haven’t done much practice coaching outside of EBI yet and am also drawn to practice coaching friends of friends (I remember staff advising us to not coach people we know *really* well); it feels like friends of friends would be a good first (and dareIsay friendly) step.
I also recognize the many possibilities that are out there and am working on trusting the process—keeping the vision alive as things start to come into focus and as we gain clarity on where we’d like to go from here :-).
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Sara—I really appreciated how in the “Planning” section you brought this back to the “why” for your clients—why is this important to them, and that question of what would happen if they didn’t do this—very powerful! I recently experienced this as a client in a nutrition session with a coach (not EBI but definitely ICF-like!). He asked me why eating healthy, etc. was important to me, and as I was answering it really increased my motivation for follow-through.
You are so thorough and thoughtful in your responses—quite inspiring to me, so thank you!
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I appreciate your reflections, Toni—particularly the notion of creating a safe space for the client to surrender to the experience, which will make it that much more transformational. Also, there is empowerment that comes with the creative process and also potentially fear and overwhelm, so creating a safe space and being a gentle guide in the process becomes all the more important. A phrase that helps me (and that I may use with clients) is “There is no wrong way to do this.”
I love the metaphor of the Touch Tree, creating safety while navigating the wilderness. It feels like the comfort of home.
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Josh—Your post really resonated with me. I appreciate how you identified that the threshold experience supports effective incorporation and client growth. I also really loved the description of conscious experimentation and that we as coaches don’t have to have all the answers but can be curious and exploratory with our clients. It reminds me to remain open and to enjoy the ride.
Figuring out the balance of bringing tools to the table with keeping a session client-led is something I’ve been working on too!
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John—Your writing is so evocative! I loved your example of learning from nature: “I am, like the spruce, strong and steadfast in my commitment to inner growth,” as well as your use of the word “whimsies” ;-).
I also appreciated how you tapped in to all the fears our clients may experience and the importance of creating a safe space and of staying present with them.
The “palpable connection” with the trees and their transfer of information reminds me of our symbiotic nature of breathing. When I was practicing regularly at my sit spot several months ago, I would often go say hello to my tree friend with gentle touch on my way home. Magical. Thanks for reminding me of that.