Brad Bankhead
Forum Replies Created
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First, let me say how honored and humbled I am to be privy to your honest reflections on such a personal topic as Vision. I am encouraged along my own path because I recognize vividly the landscapes that you traverse.
I must be honest and say that the topic of Vision brings up for me a sense of deficit. I somehow think that I should be farther along in having a clear vision of calling or vocation as some refer to it. And while some part of me demands greater clarity (probably “The Perfectionist), I think I’m at greater peace about the unfolding “how” of vision. This is embodied in the quote by Antonio Machado:
“Pathmaker, your footsteps are the path and nothing more;
Pathmaker, there is no path, you make the path by walking.”
I see vision is an evolving dance between the inner longing and the outer experience. Sometimes it’s the inner that leads, and sometimes it’s the outer circumstances of our lives that seem to dictate the steps. The theme of vision for me seems to be recognizing and honoring the transformational process in myself and others. The very heart of this transformation is the threshold experience that a couple of you have described to which Mary Oliver speaks so well in her poem The Journey:
“It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones…..”
Much of my vision came on these kind of nights and desperation. Others came in moments of bliss and glimpses of The Eternal. And while I may not have an easy to read vision statement, I’m clearer about wanting to be a conduit of kindness, love and encouragement to myself and others along the path.My own best metaphor for vision is walking a mountain trail by headlamp on a moonless night.
Those of us in this class have enough light
For the next step or two,
And the light from our comrades is helpful too
And with grace we will reach the clear mountain lake
Just as the moon rises into view. -
One of the primary reasons I enrolled in this course was to revisit and reconnect to the information and practices related to PartsWork. I have found it such a good tool in clarifying the conversational dynamics within myself and others. Simply asking myself the question, Who’s showing up right now? Who’s struggling with ____________ ? What do they tend to say in situations like this? Do you have name or symbol for that part? It has been really helpful in working with someone in a sacred circle context particularly outdoors where sticks, pine cones, blossoms, rocks can serve as characters in the drama. It’s such a great way to get a thing out of your head and into the material and observable world in order to work with it and clarify the dynamics. And, combined with four shields work as someone mentioned, you can locate the part in the quadrant from which it speaks, or ask it to assume a different quadrant and experiment with a different tone borrowed from another part of the self. And, it’s easy to demonstrate how parts tend to position themselves in relationship to one another in the scenarios of life situations. And, it helps us to see who we can bring to the conversation, particularly the mature version of a part or sub-personality (Plotkin). In the coaching relationship, where growth (not fixing) is the goal, partswork is a great tool.
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It’s interesting to me how the 7 Breaths exercise has taken me back to my Mandala. When asking myself what I was feeling, I became aware of a feeling at my core of being constricted, or slightly bound up, a sort of cowering or ducking. The image of a tortoise retreating into into it’s shell seemed illustrative. Michael added an associated question to the exercise that resonated with me: What is the benefit of avoidance? Heretofore, I would have approached this question with an aura of harshness and self- disdain (The part I call the Taskmaster) and was actually already beginning to cringe. It’s interesting how subconscious this whole process can become. But trying to be more compassionate and gentle (even with myself) I took a more observational role, just being with the feeling. I pulled out my Mandala a few moments ago and the first part to catch my attention was the Alarmist in me. The one who cries wolf at everything, immediately. He means well, he wants to protect me from danger, even though its my practice to stop at most STOP signs. I have no doubt that the Alarmist formed very early in my life, and was a Loyal Soldier, but really, I’ve grown up some and learned a few rules of the road(to continue the metaphor). But I realize that avoidance (turtle in the shell) isn’t serving my adult life so well, there really isn’t much danger I can’t negotiate with the help of a few friends like the Guide and Developer in me.
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Online Forum Discussion: Take this question to your Vision Council: How are you living in alignment with Vision now, and What beliefs, behaviors, and attitudes need to shift or be developed to become more aligned to Vision? (Asking this question to Soul and to the Vision Council will reveal a lot of information. Try to capture it all, and remember you have a choice as to what you share in the forum.)
I love each of you for your honest reflections here, taking your presence on the planet seriously and having the courage to ask the hard questions of yourself. It’s so comforting and encouraging to hear the cries that resonate with my own about living it well, and with meaning and hopefully to a good end for others and the planet – questions asked by a seeming few in this culture. In reading your comments, I was reminded of a chapter in my favorite book by Jon Kabat-Zinn Wherever You Go There You Are. It’s entitled What’s my Job on the Planet with a Capital J – And it says, “What is it on this planet that I know something about, that probably won’t happen unless I take responsibility for it?” It’s not a question that we will ever fully answer, but if we keep asking throughout our life it might just take us to some places we’d never gone otherwise! Or another way of putting it within this context is not what am I gonna do with my life but: What does my life(or Soul) want to do with me? Vision for me at this stage of my life is much more about being in a contemplative, inquisitive and thoughtful way of being, breath after breath. And, as many of you have already testified to, approaching myself with kindness and compassion and in some way or another welcoming home the exiled or injured parts of myself and in so doing learning how to guide others on occasion to do the same seems like what authentic coaching/guiding is about. I really feel your soul-searching questions about how all of this relates to vocation or calling. I admit I’ve spent some anxious hours (probably egoic in nature) trying to figure out what I SHOULD do and always feeling “less than” about it. I really believe that for me to be more aligned to Vision today requires more stillness, not just in mediation or at my sit spot, or attentive walking and hiking, but as a practice, a surrendering with each out-breath. I need to relax and, for myself, be a bit more trusting of the unfolding and the opportunities that arise. Living Vision may not be so formal or structured as I once imagined, all the more reason to practice the skills of this course (and others) in readiness for the unfolding possibilities!
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I’m very late to this task, but I still want to honor the sincerity and deep effort each of you have made to wrestle with defining soul direction and nature connection. Your words have taught me and challenged me my capacities to reflect. The House of Belonging is a collection of poems by David Whyte that I’m sure many of you are familiar with. About 15 years ago, in the midst of an ordeal and significant life passage, his poetry served as a guide and reassuring friend to me. Reading your thoughts this section of All the True Vows came to mind:
There is only one life
you can call your own
and a thousand others
you can call by any name you want.Hold to the truth you make
every day with your own body,
don’t turn your face away.Hold to your own truth
at the center of the image
you were born with.Previously Cindy said, “We embody the soul and the soul embodies us.” I like the Wholeness, non-duality of that statement. I’ve heard someone say that soul manifests the true essence (one life) of its host whether person, plant, four-legged or winged, etc. Soul, as essence, is the ultimate reality or nature of a thing, its most honest, authentic representation. The experience of soul is boundless, the experience of soul is completeness and connection. And, as many of you have already said, deep soul direction and nature connection intersect at this point. As we learn to “hold to our own truth at the center of the image we were born with” , the natural world becomes a mirror of that reality. Then, we come alive with awe and wonder in exchanging essence with all living things – giving and receiving, emptying and filling, the reciprocity that seems to accompany experience at the level of soul. I’m not so sure that soul wishes so much to direct as to create awareness of the limitless reality of our existence – to provide a lens through which we can glimpse the true state of things. Therefore, “what profit is there in gaining the whole (material) world and loosing your own soul.”
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Hi Heber,
I really appreciate you sharing this experience in Partswork. I especially like your wisdom about bringing consciousness to a given part and creating space to reflect on it. I think you are on to something about utilizing a part of you in service to Soul (my word) rather than being used by a part more or less unconsciously. I’m doing some work right now with archetypes based on Pearson’s book Awakening the Hero Within and King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Moore and Gillette. It seems to me that these archetypes are simply common parts or “energies” at work in our overall psychology. Getting acquainted with them and learning how to call on them to help achieve Soul purpose is something I want to learn more about. Parts that may be manifesting in more ego preserving ways can be welcomed to express themselves in a more mature fashion, which sound like what you honored in your naming ceremony. I think you may be uncovering a very valuable process for yourself and others, certainly for me.
Thanks!
Brad
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Summary Post – Brad Bankhead
I will echo Megan’s sentiments, my recent work as both a coach and practice client with partswork have been my favorite opportunities. And, doing the work in a natural environment makes it even more powerful and real. I find it really helpful to use naturally occurring objects to represent parts of ourselves. And how and where we locate those objects in proximity to tree trunks or boulders or water seem to hold significance as well; or at least give us the opportunity to notice and acknowledge. “I see that you placed the pine cone nearest to the base of the tree, does that have significance for you somehow.” Or, “I noticed that you placed the blossom representing your wounded child in the South quadrant of the circle, do you have any thoughts about that.” At this writing, I’m preparing to co-lead a short weekend quest for a group of men; and some major themes keep dancing around in my field of vision. I think of the steps of the hero’s journey. I think of the rite of passage.I think of our template for coaching. And, I think of the various parts of ourselves. I think of the Mystery of our transformation. And yesterday, I gathered a brown shell, left from a locust who had moved on to the next iteration of itself. And I thought of Moses being asked to shed his shoes and recognize the sacredness of the ground on which he stood. And I think of myself, and my experience with EBI, and my fellow sojourners and how we have evolved and transformed. And I’m aware that all these themes are being illustrated for us everyday in the natural world – how naturally and fluently snakes shed their skin, sunset gives way to night, caterpillars becomes butterflies and acorns become oaks. And we know the value of gratitude and presence and intention. May we each assimilate our learning into an authentic and coherent whole that blesses all sentient beings!!!
“Look down the path as if seeing your past and then south over the hazy blue coast as if present to a wide future. Remember the way you are all possibilities you can see and how you live best as an appreciator of horizons…..”
MAMEEN – David Whyte -
PartsWork Initial Post – Brad
I’ve not met with a practice client since returning from our intensive, but I will draw from experience guiding in the fishbowl, as well as my deeper realizations of how I would use partswork as a tool in trans-formative experience in any setting. Let me start with the work of developing a mandala. I think, as someone already stated, that doing this work early in the coaching relationship provides a platform to work from again and again. I’ve spent sometime today reviewing Plotkin’s Maps of the human psyche in the four aspects. For myself, one of the first experiences that got me into identifying parts/voices was using the inter and intra-personal circular view of the Self and sub-personalities. Looking at the parts of Self within the framework of the four quadrants: North, South, East, West holds some richness for coaching. Starting with the facets of Wholeness: North- Elder, healer East – Sage, trickster South – Wild man, woman and west: Soul guide, wanderer. So, going around the wheel and in ceremony what images (animal, earth feature, etc.) seem to most authentically represent the essence of that direction. What wisdom do these representations hold for you? What is their voice? Likewise taking another trip around the wheel looking at the opposite woundedness of the “parts” rescuer and enablers of the North, addicts and blissheads of the East, victims and orphans of the South and monsters or false heroes of the West. Again, looking at the egoic traits represented by each of the directions. In other words, combining the work of the parts mandala, with the view of the characteristics of the mature and immature aspects of the Self as revealed in the inter and interpersonal maps of the human psyche as explained in “The Wild Mind”. I think this yields a great deal to work with that incorporates various aspects and skills of the Nature Connected Coach.
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Long-term Summary Post – Brad
I just got off the phone with a fellow facilitator in a Men’s Rite of Passage event we are putting together for the Fall. I found myself saying to him on the phone how important follow-up with participants is after observing a passage. I recall my own week-long intensives or 11-day questing experience. Even, our week-long face to face experiences are often filled with new awareness and a ritual or two to “seal the deal”. And though we commit ourselves to phone follow-up, even that’s hard to persist in for me. I recognize my own need for coaching beyond the “ahah” moments. And so, a calling begins to take shape as I think about facilitating seminars, retreats, passages, etc. The vessel that holds the passage (separation/severance, threshold and incorporation becomes the template for continued coaching. Understanding brain change as I currently do, both from an educated professional perspective, but more importantly from a personal day to day struggle to supplant old patterns of belief and behavior I can see how long-term coaching can accelerate the reality of living a a more authentic, original life of Soul. And, I can see how the tools that we’ve been given, and others yet to learn, can be taken from the tool bag and utilized to assist clients along their path toward desired outcomes. And so, from the intensive focus on long-term coaching, a model begins to emerge for me that feels like a fit. I really appreciate what my colleagues have shared in these posts as it has been so helpful in shedding light of the path of my journey.
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So true that this is lifelong work and purposeful integration or re-integration of those parts of our self, particularly the ones that are marginalized, injured, misunderstood, troublesome or misguided. This is the soul work of moving toward wholeness – not perfection or even presentableness ( is that even a word! I digress briefly because for years I thought the goal in life was presentableness – perhaps a good title for a book.) I’ve come to see that Soul cares very little for presentableness and much more about unfettered Living! I like to think that among other things, Soul is an endless reservoir of loving-kindness and Source of harmonious flow. Soul acknowledges each part and can guide that part toward its peaceful place in the River.
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Todd,
I really appreciate your honest and open reflection here. It’s so true that as we begin to look at the multiple parts of ourselves – particularly the parts we’ve learned to play well to survive, it can seem a daunting(if not a depressing) assessment at first. Always keep in mind that it’s you, and the unique and abundant love inside you that family, friends and others need. I think those of us drawn to this work are by nature self-reflective and complex people. Part of my growth is simply asking in a moment: what is the most loving thing I can do right now? And simply do that. It can be huge for those you car about – and I think that’s at least part of living Vision. -
Hi All,
My name is Brad, and I currently live and work in North Texas. I began my association with EBI in the Fall of 2015 and received my certification as a Nature-Connected Coach in the Fall of 2018. I am in my final months of a lengthy career in higher education and ready to embark on the journey into the second half of life as a student, teacher and guide of transformative experience. I look forward to connecting with kindred spirits and re-connecting with the themes and content offered in this course.
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Hi Elizabeth,
What an awesome opportunity to return to a sit spot where you quested to consider partswwork, or anything else for that matter! And your observation about how nature is perfectly what it is and how the species tend toward integration and synergy. It really is the perfect metaphor for how the various aspects of our Self seek to work together for the good of Soul. In fact, growth toward the experience of wholeness begins with the recognition of the Wholeness already realized at our Core. I think that’s what you’re saying when you talk about guiding clients to become aware of the needed resources within. To learn to call upon these resources at particular moments in our life. And I agree, that creating meaningful descriptors or images that personify these parts make them all the more available to us. I often ask for the North’s Grandfather Spruce of myself to shelter and watch over the play of the innocent Earth Brown Boy. Or welcome the ferret from the East who treats each new day with an opportunity for newness and adventure. Finally, just your reflection on the perfection and harmony of our natural surroundings allows me to breath a good sign of relief and let go. All seems like the right place to experiment and grow. Thanks Elizabeth.
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Hi Elizabeth and Megan,
If your interested in the Four Directions Model (map) of the psyche go here: http://www.wildmindbook.com/ Scroll to the bottom of the page for copies of both the intra- and inter- personal versions of the map. You will also find other available resources for working with others in the area of recognizing and dismissing loyal soldiers. Thanks for your insights and complimentary messages about our training, partswork and this model. I too think it has a lot to offer in service to our own “wholeing” process and that of others. And, it certainly lends itself to acting out our rituals and holding ceremonies using all of our senses. Maybe Ivy could create a continuing education discussion on this topic.
Brad
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Hi Elizabeth,
Can I begin with an observation for you? You are a really gifted writer. You convey ideas with well-chosen words such that meaningful Images are created. You are an awesome communicator. Thanks for your candor about your own misgivings about the coaching aspect of creating nature-connection. I too am struggling to make this my own. I do agree that we’ve been given a valuable “seed” in our coach training that would a shame to waste. I know in my sessions with Ryan over the phone, he often asks me to take an issue or question out on the land. The report back becomes the opening of our next session. Even saying to someone, “how would you take this outside”, “what do you imagine as a way to reflect or consider this and where”. It’s like our imagining tracks and then locating them. I’m always amazed that when I’m asked about how to create a ceremony around something – I already know. I agree with you as well on the identity or role as educator/coach = guide. BTW, I really liked your approach with your client when he became stuck, let’s celebrate the journey thus far. Just as a thought I have about long-term coaching – I wonder if I might not require some journaling associated with teaching the new techniques around sacred circle, expanding awareness, mindfulness practice, etc particularly in a long term coaching relationship. Like you, where brain change is concerned, I often think of the reverse-bicycle video and the Grand Canyon size entrenchment of self limiting beliefs and behaviors. Change may be difficult – but what choice do we have really – GROW!
Brad