Christine
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Today, I know that my vision is still there. I also know that I am in the midst of a major life change and recalibration. In addition to moving through divorce, my children are getting older and no longer need me as frequently or in the same ways, I quit my job because it wasn’t serving my mission (I think? or was it?) or perhaps because my life just needed to blow up. Systems theory says this is the breakdown necessary when the system outgrows itself, a period of chaos as it finds a new order. Although very uncomfortable at the moment, I am sure that this is soul direction at work. At this moment a lot appears clouded or like dusk when objects fade into the background. I’m leaving the place where I came from and have not yet arrived at where I’m going. Some things that guided me no longer fit. It seems that my vision may be shifting in the shadows as well. My vision tends to be about the contribution I want to make while I’m on this planet and right now the vision has stepped aside to make room for grief, uncertainty, initiation. To be sure, there is no more important time to be guided by my soul, my vision, my highest aspirations. However, to be of service right now, my vision has gone a bit wide angle. The temptation is want to tackle parts of my vision to the ground so that something solid and decisive can take me to my new place, but instead, I’m giving way to the distance between where I am now and where I am going and recognizing it as the sacred process of moving in accordance with my soul, of becoming more aligned. Although I am in a job search, I try not to hold too tight to any one possibility and instead offer a prayer each day that I find work that fits the rhythms of my soul and calls forth my gifts. Perhaps my soul knows where to lead me more than my mind does at the moment, so I choose to invite broader blessings related to vision. I have a suspicion that when I am through this rite of passage my vision will be different from what it was even when I wrote it down a few months ago.
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Wow! there is just so much here, and so many things I want to respond to in addition to my answers to the original question – I don’t know where to start and what to say!
About “triggers”: This was life-long challenge for me until I found a body of healing work that works with the energetics of the survival brain to reset it when it becomes “hijacked” by the fight/flight response and more deeply, to clear it of “programs” that may once have served us well and kept us safe, but now limit us. 8 years into having these tools in my toolbox, and I am in a much different relationship to triggers or core issues and have so much more command of my responses. There are similarities in terminology and the concepts in this course to the healing work I practice, but the tools are very different. I am working hard to identify the intersections, to assimilate and integrate it all.
About the Soul: About wanting to discern and connect with it more. Such good stuff. Confusing a little too because I think there are different frameworks about the Soul. I understand the Soul to be the part of us that is pure essence, pure presence, or pure consciousness. It is the me that is unfettered by protections, distortions, toxicity etc, is connected with Source/Spirit and is hoping to express through this body of mine. I think it takes a lot of mindfulness to be able to discern that part of oneself. I also think that it’s very difficult to experience just your own essence as a singular experience because we are constantly in relationship to other. That said, we can try to live from our own essence and to be Soul-directed is to do just that instead of living from a place of fear and reactivity.
Parts Work: As I said, I’m trying to assimilate. I probably have too many thoughts about the parts work to write down here. Wish we could have actual discussions!! I really enjoyed tapping into the different voices and sources of wisdom within me. It has helped me move through a couple of inner conflicts as opposed to get stuck looping in them. Because I’m influenced by my “primal brain” training, I believe that the voices we hear loudest when we say “who is talking right now?” belong to parts of us that experienced some kind of wound (when very young, or as a result of a trauma, for example) around a core issue that resulted in a survival program in the brain that influences our thoughts and emotions. I think we need to heal the splits within us and I think parts work is a great tool for that. It’s possible we can heal the wounds of the wounded parts and therefore become more integrated. Where I start to have dissonance with the parts work is that I think there are other “voices” influencing us that do not belong to our parts and that we could mistakenly assign them to parts because the framework of parts work doesn’t seem to have anywhere else to put them. For example, I have found over the years in healing work that some illnesses and toxins have their own essence and voice that are perceived not only when they are in the body but sometimes with a vengeance when they are releasing from the body. One example is parasites. They have a particular essence and can stimulate a lot of thoughts and feelings around victimization. I have had a profound experience of intense victim thoughts and distortions while cleansing from parasites. Another phenomena not necessarily ours are beliefs, structures and systems created by the societies and cultures around us. Such things can very much interfere with the Souls expression. As humans, we have a deep need to adapt and conform. But do those impulses come from parts? We might assign them to parts creating more story and perhaps more “identity” than is required or even generative. The last thing I’ll say about parts is I get uncomfortable when I see everyone’s parts in little boxes on paper arranged in the mandala. It seems so fixed and limited. I know we discussed that they can and do change over time…but it feels a little like a framework that could potentially limit me in my healing. That said, I have not rejected the parts work out of hand and am still exploring it. Again, healing the splits within is needed before we can heal the splits on the outside – in this very divided world.
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The coursework is flowing really well and blending with my life. The reflection left me with a big question for myself, which I brought into the EBI coaching call, which in turn led to the initiation of parts work. Did some solo exploration of parts between calls and had an amazing call with my coach this afternoon where she guided me in the facilitation of a dialogue between two of my parts on an issue I was wrestling with during the hours leading up to my call today. For a first stab at the parts work, it was amazingly easeful and I was quickly able to gain some deep insight into my behavior and attitudes. And it was significant – relating back to some milestones missed during my childhood and adolescence, the shadows of which may be lingering here in present time asking for attention in a way that is mildly disruptive and sabotaging. Despite the depth, it did not feel heavy and it was such a relief that these parts were being given an opportunity to speak and express their needs in an adaptive way. It’s possible that my 25 years as a parent, problem solver, and conflict negotiator contributed to the ease with which I was able to navigate the parts work. As well, I am finding that some of the tools already in my tool box are able to be integrated into this work. I really look forward to the next step which is coming up with a plan that satisfies both parts and then checking to see if anyone “else” wants to weigh in before moving forward with the plan. I have also opened the door to some curiosity and openness about how one of the parts can get some of its needs met. What’s possible when we make space for that which was previously unrecognized? Love this work!
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“I’ve taken steps to let myself thrive in a place where it’s easy to love myself and generate beautiful content.” Beautiful. I want to do this! Life circumstances are holding up a place change so I’m instead looking at how to create such space where I am.
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Also I have really enjoyed reading everyone’s posts in this section. What a journey we are all on!
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Just before signing up for this class, I had spent some time articulating my deepest held values, my strengths, dreams, visions, what I stand for… This is one of the things I wrote: “I envision Earth strengthened by a people who know themselves in intimate relationship with it. My mission is to help facilitate people’s discovery not only of their innate wildness and inextricable connection with Earth, but of their vision and gifts so that they may be a contribution to the systems in which they are embedded.” If this is my soul-sourced vision, then how am I living in alignment with it? Although part of my vision is helping others connect with their innate wildness and inextricable connection with Earth, living that also means that I am doing the same for myself. I’ve come a long way since the years of longing for more nature connection. I always wanted to be more tied to the seasons and to the outdoors, in a subsistence-living kind of way as opposed to a recreational way. I wasn’t able to make that kind of shift in my married-with-four-children-suburban lifestyle. But I did find nature connection as a practice about 10 years ago. Over time, regular sit spots, wanders, fires, tracking, scouting, foraging etc…. have helped me come into closer connection with nature and with my connection to aspects of the 8 indicators wheel. Most recently, I completed a group 9-month, one weekend a month, immersion program centered around nature connection, skills, ceremony and anti-oppression work, and with it’s coaching component, it was very much supportive of my vision. In a “dirt time” sort of way – cultivating my own wild and innate nature, and my own gifts and visions – which I think is a prerequisite for the rest of the vision. The vision statement above flowed freely from my mouth at the end of that nine months. A shift took place in me at one point where I let go of my remaining fear of the dark. Not because of increased exposure to the dark (there was plenty of that) but because I came to know myself as a part of the surroundings in such a way as to be at home. So in this way, I am living my vision at least for myself – to know my innate wildness and my intimate connection with the planet, with the mother. My next big lifestyle shift will include hopefully come further into alignment with this as well but at least the suburbs no longer hold me back from connection.
Still to come is the facilitating of personal growth through and in partnership with nature for others within a container of healthy, regenerative culture. While I have done this once in awhile on the side for years, putting my toe in the water and then pulling it back out, I want to fully claim it as my life’s work. Here, there are likely beliefs, behaviors and attitudes that need to shift. Here are some: I’m not up to holding the full container for a group and individuals within that group; I think I want a partner but who?; I need more training/credentialing before I start; I’ll screw it up in some way, and be unreliable, drop the ball; How do I roll it out?; Hiding behind the computer or behind having to spend the money to get insured and become an LLC; creating other “priorities” that get in the way of launching my program; thinking of this as on the side because I can’t possibly make a living at it (and if it’s on the side, then it’s not a priority); I’m sure there are competing commitments underneath as well. Ultimately, what all this boils down to is there’s a lot of fear lurking about myself as a leader. So I guess it’s great that I’m in this course!
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There’s so much good stuff here…relationship, remembering, connection and re-connection, synchronistic shifts and transitions, journeys, reverence and also I am picking up a sense of urgency or response to a call. Yes to all of it!
One of the take-aways from the first session for me is how humbled and grateful I feel for the amount of resonance with the content. A few months back, I adopted the late John O’Donohue as a companion in my journal reflections. He speaks of the shadowy nature of the soul, and our ability to be in connection with it by welcoming “all that is eternal in me” each day. Not only did his poetry feed my soul, but also he helped me ask “What does my soul want to express?” I didn’t look for or expect a direct answer, but instead wove the question into my consciousness. I’ve made some hard decisions since then and experienced grief like never before. Six months after asking my soul how it wants to express, I find myself in this class where my vision is spoken in the first five minutes of the talk, with people who share a similar vision and who seek to weave this content into their livelihoods. AND, I’m being offered support in bringing my unique interpretation of this vision into the world. This is what soul-directed is. It’s when you invite your soul to speak, listen to the mysterious ways it communicates, walk forward one step at a time, and find yourself in places that resonate deeply, are in alignment with your values and invite you into a world of possibility. O’Donohue offers the prayer that we “come alive to the invisible geography that invites [us] to new frontiers”, and oh how nature supports this process. The eternal expresses constantly in nature. Though we connect with individual plants, birds or animals at a given moment in time, we are also connecting with beings who in the proliferation of their species are connected with the ongoing phenomena of life, and they are unequivocally on purpose. I find that the more I cultivate an intimate, reciprocal connection with nature, the more grounded I am in belonging and purpose. I’m enchanted with the way Gaia continually offers us metaphor as teachings and guideposts on the adventure of living a soul-directed life. I look forward to the rest of this dialogue!
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Hi everyone! I’m Christine and am also in the Boston area…and also looking to transition north over the next few years – to Maine where I’ve had lifelong ties. I’ve been informally leading nature connection programs with homeschoolers for years, am developing and field testing a model of nature-based faith formation for liberal religions, and have an MS in Ecological Teaching and Learning. Have been thinking about life coach certification and combining it with my training in nature connection – just found this program and it seems like such a great fit! I’m super excited to be here and looking forward to this learning community.
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Also beautiful Kelly Janae. It seems like you are in the flow for sure!
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This is really beautiful Deanna. Your vision is so strong and clear.
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Todd,
Thank you for sharing about your sit spot. I love that you gave it a solid go despite it seeming un-inspiring, and that you found your connection. It makes sense that no matter where we are, even if it’s a paved city – nature is there – the sky, the wind, the birds, the earth that is just below the pavement, the green things that grow wherever they can find a spot to. We don’t actually need to wait for things to be “perfect” or head into the wilderness to have fulfilling experiences with nature. I think there is a great metaphor here with your description of the busyness, the lack of aesthetics etc in your location, yet you are able to make a connection with nature. Isn’t this the core of mindfulness – finding our center when our minds feel like chaos? What better place is there to cultivate a nature connection practice than in a place that seems un-nature-y? -
Thank you for this! I love “weather patterns from the stability of our identity as mountain” as well as nature as a mirror to our interior landscape…and eventually we arrive at no boundary between the interior and exterior. So beautiful.