Erica Wrona
Forum Replies Created
-
Summary Post:
My biggest take-away from Brain 2 is the absolute need to give our brains something to work on. My brain feels like a machine that loves to go to work! I might as well give it something awesome to produce for me. I look back to any goals I’ve written down over the years, and 97% of them have happened. (That is a wild, non-scientific estimation.) I’ve also noticed that when I’m not clear on next steps, or am in a state of confusion or overwhelm, it is my brain’s chaos that makes me feel anxious and unsettled. If I were to give it something to chomp on, it would happily go to work on it, day and night. This goes along with the theory of “getting what you focus on” and the importance of having clients focus on what they WANT, not on what they DON’T want. Any Law of Attraction followers, here? The brain does not distinguish between want and not want, only seeks out and provides what we focus on. #IlovetheRAS
There are some interesting points in this article:
I am so grateful Michael spoke about manifesting and what is actually happening in the brain. Simply knowing the vast quantity of information our brains sift through, and provide us with the nuggets that are related to our intentions/goals/visualization is so powerful and gives so much credibility to the science of coaching and how the brain operates. -
Initial post:
Since our last Face-to-Face I haven’t yet had a client to apply these concepts to. What I’ve done however, is think back to previous sessions and overlay what I know now about the brain on top of the memory of previous sessions. I specifically recall my last client session when she approached the Myth and caught herself in a moment of disbelief of being able to “obtain the impossible” (the Myth she identified was carving out a career path that mixes several of her passions). From the moment I asked her if there have been other instances in her life of when she “overcame the impossible,” I imagine her Reticulating Activating System searching through other times in her life when she’s been up against the Myth, and once those moments were identified, the neural connections being formed and allowing integration to occur. As the session continued, she began to make many connections in her understanding of the issue and her goal and deeper need; I perceive these connections as actual neural connections in her brain connecting to each other: “neurons that fire together, wire together.” This allowed her to see her issue from a different perspective and to consciously identify the beliefs that had been blocking her forward progress into a career that brings her passions together. From a brain perspective, the client would be moving from a nonconscious, automatic response (how she makes career choices based on a set belief/barrier/blockage), and moving it to the consciousness of the Prefrontal Cortex where we can build an intention and line up the circuitry for the new belief system (the Myth) to form. Given an Intention to work with, her Reticulating Activating System will seek out opportunities for her to live in the Myth. -
Partswork Summary Post:
I truly appreciate the honesty and vulnerability in those who are trying to figure out how to utilize Partswork with NCC or just what Partswork is all about. From my own experience, it’s been really helpful to grasp a deep understanding of my own Parts and work with them whenever possible. Sometimes I practice this by observing my thoughts and asking myself who said that? Having my Parts interviewed also helps. It’s easier with a coach or friend, but if you have enough chairs you can get Gestalt on yourself and feel into each Part. Yup, I live in a yurt and interview my own Parts, but seriously it works! Now when my client’s Parts come up, I have a felt sense of my own Parts and what my client might be experiencing. As Michael always says, it’s imperative to speak from the Part using “I” statements. As an example of the power of Partswork, I practiced on my boyfriend who was experiencing a really challenging time in his life. I asked him to name that Part that wanted to sabotage himself (his words, not mine). As he was getting into it, our cat walked from my lap to his lap and when her paw touched him, she cowered and ran away as if she stepped on a hot stove from the bowels of hell. We both noticed it. As SOON as he embodied another part, his Higher Self, the cat came right back and sat on his lap. It was weird. And awesome.
For anyone looking for more info on Partswork, Google “Internal Family Systems” and look for articles which provide an overview of common Parts. I bet Ryan Holsapple also has tons of info and resources on Partswork. I truly think it’s worth knowing your own Parts and then practicing on clients, even with just a few interview questions: “What would this Part call itself?” “What’s its role?” “What does this Part want/need/need (client name) to know?” -
Brain 1 Summary Post:
I love this framework of the Mythic Image. It gives a whole new understanding to Severance and why we are uncovering the Deeper Need with questions like, “What behaviors/attitudes/beliefs do you need to adopt for you to achieve this Goal/Vision?” “Who do you know that exhibits what is needed to achieve this Goal/Vision?” “Is there anyone in your life who has resolved this issue?” “How did they do it?” “What does resolving it look like?” We are inviting our clients to step into the possibility of a different future by asking them to feel, visualize, experience what it would look like, feel like, sound like, to LIVE the Mythic Image.
The depth of understanding I now have is profound. Seeing the issue as a conflict between left brain & right brain, or between logical & emotional. From our weekend, I learned we want the conflict to be extremely apparent in order to energize the system and allow the brain to start solving the issue. I love knowing that identifying the issue is seeing the differentiated parts, which begins to form the Intention. Setting the Intention is setting up the neural pathways to pave the way for the Myth to blossom into reality. I still feel like it’s a lot to process, but it really does feel like everything is coming together. Thank you neuroscience! -
After Brain 1, I had a session with a client who began in her story, describing her current career situation and getting into all the different things she loves to do but having no idea which ONE path to choose for her next big step in life. She explored each potential path a bit and as we wove our way to her want/goal, her belief system kicked in and tried to stop her. It was AMAZING to witness! She said her want/goal was, “The hope of combining all of it [her passions] into one thing.” The next thing out of her mouth was, “Is it possible? Is that even possible?” She was up against the story and entrenched belief system. When we explored what it could look like to live in the Myth (I didn’t call it the Myth to her), she kept getting swept up in which ONE path to choose, and whether she was trained enough, and grappling with what she felt was the impossible feeling of the impossible Myth. It was truly fascinating to see how firmly a belief system takes hold. At the end of the session she landed on her want statement that I feel was 94% there. So for homework she would get clear on her statement and report back to me. She emailed me the next day and said, “I have been able to work on my statement, and while it feels quite general, it is also clear and simple, which I find really satisfying. I’ve been dreaming into more possibilities for how my path might look and allowing myself to feel more excited! It became very clear in working with you that I’ve been holding some conflicting beliefs around my work that have been holding me back. Coming face to face with this was really helpful, as it made the way for an energetic and emotional shift in how I’ve been relating to my work overall…”
What I love about her email was her clarity in describing “conflicting beliefs” without us needing to name what was happening in the session. And the fact that now her brain is doing the work for her, making shifts and connections based off what we uncovered in just one session. Although this session was supposed to be a one-time trade for services, we are planning on continuing to work together. It’s always so exciting to think about working with clients over the long term as they experience doubt, snapback, and the ongoing practice of forging new pathways of how they want their life to look like and embody the Mythic image of how it could be. -
Client Issue: Life Purpose
I’ve practiced Partswork on several clients. One session in particular was a first-time session with a friend’s friend whom I’d met once and she wanted to check out Nature-Connected Coaching when she was in town. We were scheduled for an hour session and within a few minutes she was talking about this one part that was battling another part and I just went with it. We explored several of her parts and ended up having a three hour session. I had her talk as her parts, I interviewed her parts, and they talked to each other. At one point she said she felt schizophrenic and I asked if she wanted to stop, and she said no, this was amazing. I agreed with her Partswork is a novel way of viewing ourselves and her experience is typical when embodying the various parts of ourselves. The coolest aspect of this session was when I had her identify her Soul part and I watched her whole body change – she sat up straighter, and her overall appearance was calmer. She was almost glowing. Here are the notes from her session:
[My client] was open to giving it a try [voicing the Soul part], although naming this part didn’t come easily. Instead, I tried, “What does this part want to be named?” Headquarters, HQ, let us know her role is to observe. Observe everything. To pay attention to things that other parts don’t because they are so focused, they miss things. “When I get quiet, the pieces come together. When not super present, picked up some other way.” HQ doesn’t like to run anything, just observe and watch. HQ allows different parts to find their own place. HQ wants: “Not to waste what’s given. It’s possible to do everything.” HQ needs: “To just start. Anything. No fear. It takes trust.” Viewpoint toward other parts: “The reason the other parts are allowed to [be here] is because each of them is showing something that’s needed. They are teaching the lessons. There’s no conflict. When one part becomes too much, there’s inconsistency and unbalance in [client’s] life.”I’ve noticed that everytime I’ve done Partswork with a client (or my own partner) they say the Soul part is there to observe and witness, not judge. I find this so incredibly fascinating because that goes along with what Michael Singer writes in his book, ‘The Untethered Soul.’
Personal Partswork:
My Reticulating Activating System seeks out and FINDS Partswork everywhere. I realize that I view the world through the lens of Partswork (also called ‘Internal Family Systems’ for finding more info on the interwebs.) I attribute this deep understanding of Partswork to doing my Mandala twice in EBI, as well as experiencing a ‘Dark Night of the Soul’ last Spring ‘17. Because of Partswork, I was able to acknowledge my Shadow parts that were activated by a woman I worked for who mirrored what I will lovingly call “the worst of me.” Ha! Examples of these Parts in me are the Control Freak, the Criticizer, the Perfectionist, the Bully, to name a few. They usually operate in tandem. They all were created as Protectors when I was a small child. It was so terrifying to see in another person what I could become if I allowed my Shadow parts to run the show and get stronger and stronger – literally reinforcing the “less optimal” neural pathways. Had I not been introduced to Partswork, I imagine I would have experienced my ‘Dark Night of the Soul’ in a very different way. I was face to face with another person’s Shadow Parts and my own Shadow Parts, spending several months grappling with Snapback as I was rerouting the outdated neural pathways (deeply entrenched Grand Canyon Parts) to the newer ones I’d developed in the past few years (not as established). Hating, fearing, and exiling these Parts wasn’t working. Instead, here’s what ended up working: I thanked them for their service, I talked to them, I laughed at myself when I acted them out, and I forgave myself and asked for forgiveness when these Parts came out. Some parts were repurposed. The other thing that ended up happening was being able to see my boss lady in another light. We completely triggered each other, and as uncomfortable and scary this experience was, I am so grateful for the learning it provided, opening up much more love and compassion for myself and others. -
Hello everyone! I had not had the opportunity to utilize Gestalt until today and when I did it was sooooooo powerful! It was even over the phone, and I would have thought that not being in person or able to see my client’s face would not be possible for this, but it certainly was! My client is actually a friend of mine considering divorce from her husband with whom she has two children. We were talking as friends in an almost factual manner as she relayed what she’s been dealing with, until finally she just said, “What should I do? I really just need you to tell me what to do.” Well obviously I’m not going to tell anyone what they should do, so I asked if I could guide her through something. I had her close her eyes and feel into what she was feeling, and she connected with the anger, resentment, guilt that she had not connected with in years. She was crying and tried to escape the tears and feelings, so I had her stay with it. Just silence and feeling it in her body. After we’d hung out there and she sighed, saying she didn’t know she was hanging onto all those feelings. Then we continued through a coaching session and discovered her desire to feel joy again, and she sat with that feeling for a while and put her hand to where she was feeling it in her body. It was so amazing how much emotion I could pick up through the phone. She admitted she hadn’t wanted to write anything down in her journal over the years and felt compelled to get it all down with these new insights. We left it there and she wanted me to help her be accountable to writing it down, so I’m checking with her later today. Had she been a real client, I would continue coaching her over the long term, but since she is my friend I will stop there and offer her resources. She already has both a marriage therapist and an individual therapist, so she can bring these new insights to them that had come to light through Gestalt.
-
Hi Hannah,
I tried out visualization during the transition from living in the yurt to our house in Fort Collins. I would intentionally visualize the layout of each room, the intended function, and the available furniture and items. I did this for about a month, (having lived in the house 3 years prior and having a general sense of the space,) I was able to visualize each room and “try out” different furniture arrangements in my mind. By the time we moved in last week, I knew where every item was going to live and it was the fastest move-in experience EVER! Having a month to visualize the move-in process made the real deal feel like it had already happened. Because in my mind, it already had!
I was trying to think of other examples that are not physical manifestations, and I came up with a more “out there” visualization. I’ve tried to think of people in different ways to improve my relationship with them. I’ve done this with both my mom and sister, by putting titles in my phone for them. My mom ends in “full of grace” and my sister is “strong, powerful woman.” These were NOT how I viewed them many years ago. That’s how I wished them to be. And of course, since I can’t control how others act, I wanted to change how I act towards them. In some weird way, they became the phone titles. Did my viewing them differently change how I perceived them? Did they actually transform into the phone titles on their own? Did my viewing them in a different way carve out the path for them to act differently? I may never know. They did indeed change into those phone titles, no matter how far off they seemed from those titles years ago when I named them that. On my end, my changing my perspective of them, I wonder if my RAS searches out the qualities that embody the title, and maybe they haven’t changed after all, but my brain thinks they have. Weird, huh? -
Hi Ivy,
I just have to say how much I loved reading your observation about “perfect integration” being death or enlightenment. So true! (errr, or so I suppose…)
I think it’s so important to explicitly or implicitly share with clients there is no “ending point.” There are optimal functioning behaviors, and behaving in ways that better serve us in the moment or particular life phase, but even those will change over time. It reminds me also of Partswork in that different parts will show up depending on the circumstances, or lie dormant until called upon. I love the idea of embracing imperfection in all of this, as there is no perfect ending, just a messy adventure that we and our clients can learn to ride with grace and humility. -
Anna, I’m right along with you in geeking out over this brain change and neuroplasticity module. As I was reviewing my notes to write up the Reflection worksheet, I got really fixated on the 8 Domains and left my packet flipped open to that page. I was also trying to figure out how I might know when a client is not integrated, and from my notes it seems to be when a client has signs of dysregulation. I’m curious about when you mentioned looking for signs of non- Integration when talking with clients, what are you listening for that indicates they are not integrated?
“…as a coach, in a recent session with a client I found it interesting (and new) to listen for specific ways that my client may not be integrated. I am not very good at it, yet, and part of my obsession with the 8 domains is that I hope to get to really “know” them in detail so that I can better listen for them in my future clients.”
I also really resonated with the reality of what you said about people walking around the world all non integrated. Feels like the majority of us, it would seem…until there is a greater and broader-reaching understanding of neuroplasticity. Lastly, I liked what you said about there never really reaching a point of perfection of integration, but it’s worth the effort to keep trying. It reminds me of Partswork when we talked about not killing off Parts but rather repurpose them to be more ‘optimal functioning.’ I’ve been trying to use that term to replace phrases like, “negative emotions” or “bad Parts” and instead adhere to the concept that there are no right or wrong ways to be, think, feel, behave, but there are ways that are more or less optimal functioning based on the clients’ wants/needs/dreams/goals/vision/soul story.
-
Hi Michelle!
Thanks for sharing your session about your client. Free flow writing here…I’m thinking about when you said, “We are taking parts of us from our past relationships and connections and we take this with us every time we make a new connection or form new relationships.” I wonder if your client had Parts of him activated when he was with this person he created a story about. Maybe he felt alive or whole or creative, or whatever positive attributes he associated with the subject of his infatuation. It makes me think that since we have these Parts within us, certain people or experiences trigger or activate them. I wonder if his friend activated those Parts within himself that he already has, and the perpetuation of the story of falling in love with her was more about falling in love with how he felt when those Parts of himself were activated. If he were able to talk to those Parts that were present when he fell in love with her, maybe it’s more about getting to know what Parts he liked about himself when he was around her, or how he imagined himself to be when he lived in the story he created. Then moving forward, it would be more about finding other ways to activate the desirable or optimal Parts, rather than living in a story he created that didn’t turn out to be true. This also brings up the subject of Grief Work, and if he’s had the opportunity to grieve the loss of that story he created and the relationship that probably felt very real in his mind.
Sounds like you’re on the right track for exploring his Parts. You probably already have had other sessions with him by now, but thought I’d throw in my thoughts anyway! -
Wow Brad!
What a beautiful experience you shared about the acorn and how it became a part of your ceremony. It sounds like you are figuring out some of your Parts – the soul-connected/nature-connected one, or however you might call it – that one that shows up at SitSpot and contemplates on the growth of an acorn lodged in a pine tree. The Part of you that recognizes a “second half of life calling.” The other Parts that contribute to this year “feeling like a wrestling match.” I wonder through which Parts your gifts are showing up, the gifts you have to offer that contribute to the healing of others and the world. I’m eager to hear about where your path takes you with NCC and beyond.
I also want to acknowledge the seeming ease of which you guided your friend through some Partswork – identifying her Mother Bear and asking her questions about when this Part shows up in her life and how she might utilize this Part for optimal functioning of her own needs. Really great reading this!Thanks so much for sharing,
Erica -
Anna,
Thanks for sharing such a thorough response about “Mindsight” and left brain/right brain integration. I was listening to a PESI seminar today with Dan Siegel and Bessel Van der Kolk (The Body Keeps the Score). They spoke at length about brain development and its implications in dis-integration (failure to integrate) of our left and right hemispheres, emphasizing there is a difference between childhood and adult traumatic experiences (to connect to Elizabeth’s insight that her client might be experiencing a trauma response). The major takeaway being that most adults do not have fully integrated brains, which I found fascinating! And I’m sure I’m in that category too, falling into “mental traps” that become our belief systems. You remarked on something important that I’ll highlight here. You said,
“David would need to have this as a goal FOR HIMSELF, not just because I want this for him/us. He would need to see the advantage of heightening his awareness of the world; see it is building his skills and expanding his potential.”
This statement is so important because it describes ourselves or clients in pre-contemplation if we or clients don’t have the awareness of the belief system being a “mental trap.” When I feel my own belief systems shift, that feels like an “aha!” moment, as my brain is literally forming a new neural pathway that I can choose to use over and over again to form a belief system that helps me reach optimal functionality. -
Hannah, it sounds like you really grasped the Brain 1 concept of the Myth and ran with it! Nice job quickly identifying your client’s “irreconcilable opposites” and building energy around it in order for the Myth to pop out. I want to honor the scope of the issue your client had presented, leading to “I need to trust that the universe will hold me.” That’s immense! Your description of this coaching session really exemplifies the importance of identifying the “irreconcilable opposites” which is seeing the differentiated parts and allows the intention to form. Knowing that the brain is trying to “reconcile the irreconcilable” by believing in the Myth is really powerful and beautiful to see how it played out in your session. The end of your post intrigued me because it reminded me of a session I had with a client where she needed to trust something, and then she went out and trusted it, and received untrustworthy results, thus further cementing her distrust in her particular issue. You wrote,
“But she also very strongly feels mistrust and fear because of what happened with her graduate school experience. I am hoping that the strong experience of the mythic image and her threshold experience of feeling held and supported by the universe will help her deepen the trusting neural pathway so she can jump into the work she really wants to be doing in the world.”
(And earlier): “Her threshold was the first of what she plans will be many experiences of asking if the universe will hold and support her…then receiving an answer.”
I pose this question to anyone on this forum, how do you address snapback when a client goes out into the world to experiment with the Myth and comes up against more of the former story rather than the more desirable Myth?
Food for thought 🙂
