[gaiaceousgardens]

I’m late to respond to this session and have been feeling self-conscious about the fact that my work schedule has not been allowing me to join the live class with you all. I’ve missed that. Please know that I have been here, though, doing the work.

With my time at my sit spot, with my time wandering in nature, even in the regular middle-of-the-day moments at work, I’ve been allowing the power/potential of partswork to deepen in my experience. It’s profound. Early on, I saw that I have a part I call “the Do-er,” and she has allowed me to achieve so much in life – she’s a work horse! I can count on her to get to work and get the job done, even when I’m exhausted. And, she’s been running the show for a long time. I also identified a “Seeker” part. She wants everything I do to have deep heart and meaning, to connect with the Universe, with Spirit, with something greater than myself. She looks for moments of awe and bliss and holds those as higher priority over accomplishment and a paycheck at the end of the day. For much of my career over the past 20 years, my Do-er has been in the lead, but I’m at a point in my life where my Seeker is refusing to continue taking a back seat. And, quite honestly, my Do-er is tired and ready for a change. So, I’ve been consciously allowing my Seeker to step forward.

I recently took my Seeker for a little journey, a wander in nature so that we could get to know each other better. I made her really BIG on my mandala. To my amazement, she let me know that she found the world to be loud and harsh, like too many neon signs buzzing and blinking all at once, and that – unbeknownst to me – I had not been protecting her from this…quite the opposite, in fact, I thought I’d somehow “toughen her up” with continuous exposure to the real world (the Realist/Practical One in me speaking there). But the Seeker doesn’t work like that. She is the essence of softness and stillness and beauty of deep, quiet calm. She will always prefer the scent and feel of fresh rose petals or the way my neighbor’s goat’s eyes close in a moment of bliss when I scratch under his chin, to most anything else in life…LOL…So, the message was quiet (not loud) and clear – I need to consciously create those moments every day, rather than enjoy them when they happen to occur randomly.

I’ve been terrible at creating regular, daily practices in my life. My Do-er couldn’t care less about them if they’re not directly related to the work I do. But with my Seeker stepping forward, letting me know what it important to cultivate my relationship with her, suddenly those daily practices take on a completely new meaning and level of importance to me.

Thank you.

[gaiaceousgardens]

My father was a good provider (we lived in a nice house in a good neighborhood and were financially secure), but he was largely unavailable emotionally throughout my childhood. He had two daughters and a deeply held belief that there was little place in a girl’s life for her father – it was up to the mother to raise her daughters, in his mind. Unfortunately, my mother suffered from multiple mental illnesses/ emotional disorders. Before embarking upon my journey with EBI, I had just completed two years of really good therapy, finally putting to rest and deeply healing some very old traumas. The core trauma I faced and have been healing is that I decided, early in life, that I would give up my own wants and needs so that I could take care of my mother – something she did for her mother, and I’m pretty sure my grandmother did for my great grandmother, etc…As noble and caring as this decision may sound, it’s not one that’s very compatible with happiness or deep satisfaction in life. Though, in many ways, I’ve had a really great life, healing the wound of self-abandonment has me truly learning about myself, discovering who I am, later in life than I expected. I share this story to say that overlaying the concept of partswork over all of this is…fascinating. My very first thought was that I don’t have many parts…which, of course, is not actually true. I am a caretaker, and i am a really good listener. I’m also a super independent hard worker (which has helped me be a successful entrepreneur). There’s a part of me I call “the psychologist” because I love conversations and inquiries like this one, and there’s “the seeker” who loves to connect energetically and spiritually on a higher plane with others, the earth and the cosmos, etc….and i could list several more. But I also feel like there is a very young part, one who was denied a lot in life, and is just beginning to learn her own interests and preferences.

In my household, my wife is the cook (thank goodness, because I never really learned that skill). We’ve been together for just over 24 yrs, and if she cooks eggs for breakfast or tosses a salad for dinner, she’ll often shake some salt and pepper over the top of our dishes and set them on the table. Grateful for her efforts, I never give it much thought. This evening, she asked, “would you like some pepper on that?” …I thought about it for a few seconds and replied, “No, I don’t really like pepper.” She turned to me and said, “how is it that I don’t know that about you?”

“Because I’ve never said it out loud before,” l replied.

I was never someone who mattered enough to bother with figuring those little things out about myself, let alone share them out loud. But, I guess now I am someone who matters enough to do those things. It all sounds very simple to say, but it’s deeply profound to me.

Partswork…very interesting…thank you.

[gaiaceousgardens]

There are a number of ways i am, on a fundamental level, living in alignment with my vision – I am gainfully self-employed doing work I enjoy that is almost completely outdoors year round. This is amazing! And, the vision is bigger and broader than the current path. Also, the current path (my landscape gardening business) has an expiration date connected to my age and what my body can withstand. I’m still in great shape right now, but it important for me to make plans for what else and what is next…and I wish to approach that in a nature-connected, soul-centered way.

I’ve begun working with a BRILLIANT EBI-trained coach, and I discovered that I have not been taking the time to envision myself already doing “what’s next” for my vision – something I’ve done naturally in the past, but forgot! No wonder I’ve found myself lately (when attempting to sort out my latest version of my vision) unable to see clearly through the mist on the trail in front of and around me! LOL

When I sit and envision myself already accomplishing and living the vision, it is interesting to realize how much of that vision I actually am living right now. In fact, it’s not really a matter of changing anything dramatically in the future, but rather shifting the percentages around on what I currently spend my time doing. Mostly, right now, I make my living doing labor (labor that I love and can do) on people’s incredible, forested acres of land. A smaller portion of my time is spent teaching, consulting, designing, leading ceremony and writing (a great love of mine) – but I do this work as well (I’m actually about to have an article published in a local magazine about my work with trees in the arena of shamanic, spiritual permaculture!)

However, the beliefs, attitudes and behaviors that have held me back – and therefore need to change – are a fear that I’m. Not good enough to be paid full time to do these things I love, that people won’t want to hear the information I have to share or that it’s not useful enough for them to pay me for it, etc….and so I’ve held back and not pursued more work in those areas. Instead, I’ve continued to lean on the fact that I’m still young and fit enough to do the physical work of landscaping.

Now, I don’t intend to give up the physical work I enjoy any time soon. It contributes to my physical fitness, and I’ve worked myself into a niche that ensures that the labor requested of me is work I find satisfying. But rather than having this work be 80-90% of my paid income, what if it were 30-50%? How would my life look then and how much am I actually living right now? Lately, I’ve worried that I was facing a huge transition in my life with this change, and I have been avoiding it to some extend – the fear and anxiety about it causing the “mist” on my vision of the trail I’ve set out to “hike” next in life. However, to realize that I’m living this change right now, and it’s only a matter of making adjustments in alignment with my dream….well, that clears the mist almost instantly.

[gaiaceousgardens]

Over the years, I’ve discovered that my definition of what it means to live a soul-directed life has changed, evolved. I used to see it simply as walking the path intended for me in this life time, and that’s still true. However, I also spent many years struggling to discern exactly what that life path was and what it looked like, so all too often those moments of feeling “on” were fleeting and felt at times random. The path felt narrow. I often lost my way, consumed with anxiety. After several years of trauma healing work in my life, I’ve emerged grounded and centered on a wide life path that I find I can fully relax into and trust as completely mine and completely right for my soul at this time. Even moments of struggle that the past me would have deemed as “off path” are now part of my soul-directed life. And that knowing keeps me easily aligned.

I’ve made my living working outdoors year round for the last 15 years, and my happiest childhood memories are intimately interwoven with experiences in nature. I have directly observed the wisdom, intelligence and sentience of trees, shrubs, perennial flowers, and other beautiful beings in the gardens and forests around me. Being nature-connected is, to me, a willingness to put myself (my ego) aside (assuming I’ve properly prepared for safety and my basic wellbeing, of course) when I set foot outdoors, and know that I stand among beings that are my equal. Being nature-connected involves the ability to recognize those other-than-human lives and to inquire into their needs in the moment. Being nature-connected is the ultimate partnership of human and other-than-human. It means finally coming home.

[gaiaceousgardens]

My work day ran over today, and I missed the live call. I will follow-up with the recording. Thank you!!

[gaiaceousgardens]

Hello! I’m Jennifer and I live in Port Townsend, WA. I run a specialty Spiritual Permaculture business that focuses on regenerative forestry and connecting people deeply with the land. I’m brand new to EBI and am looking forward to getting started with Nature Connected Leadership tomorrow!

[gaiaceousgardens]

This practice of open vision is very fascinating and relaxing for me. I found that my habitually narrow focus has caused some deep, unconscious anxiety within me. I had no idea it was there. It was like a part of brain was aware that I wasn’t taking in my full surroundings and was sounding a quiet, little alarm somewhere that I couldn’t hear until now. Amazing! I’m so glad I finally heard it! So, when I shifted my gaze wide, out to the periphery and allowed myself to relax into that, I felt more in my body and relaxed in a deeply trusting way. It was as if my brain could now trust that I was taking in my full (or almost full) surroundings and I would be ok. So, so fascinating.

[gaiaceousgardens]

I’ve tried a variety of mindfulness techniques throughout my life, but the particular approach of surround sound is new to me. Until I began practicing it, I did not know that I could go back and forth between hearing isolated sounds in specific directions and then combining them into a kind of sound symphony. What an incredible ability our minds and sensory organs have! I’ve meditated for years and still struggle regularly with the ability to truly find a place of mental quiet, but while focusing on specific sounds and directing my awareness in each direction, forming a sphere around me, I was focused and quiet in the most beautiful way. I’m enjoying this practice!