James Huntley
Forum Replies Created
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I find that there are as many ways to facilitate partswork as there are clients who participate in partswork. some folks aren’t willing to “embody” a part, yet are able to acknowledge a couple of different parts and relate to them via a “third party” awareness that isn’t Soul. Others only want to dialogue with their parts privately in journals, and report back what they’ve discovered. When I first began facilitating partswork, I adhered to the “directive” model Michael taught us. While I still think that that method is highly productive and insightful, I’ve also found that by mixing in the “trusting the client to know what they need” concept, the awareness and insight that a more structured partswork practice offers can still be gained. I think that this is ultimately something Michael will support, as he has encouraged us to explore how we might use partswork in nature and other creative ways.
A huge part of what I love about partswork is the radical self compassion and understanding that is coupled with integration and healing/maturation of each part. I feel that this is a universal model that can be applied to family, community, and ultimately could be (but likely will never be) applied to larger scale government. Aside from healing or maturing a part, I believe that the authentic experience of loving and caring for each of our parts is the societal medicine that this work offers.
David and Gina. I agree that in order to truly facilitate something for someone else, we need to be well versed in the practice ourselves.
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Maria, I love that you want to incorporate play into your work more. Have you read the book, “Play”, or are you familiar with the 8 play personalities? They seem closely related to the 9 forms of intelligence model and I find both quite intriguing, especially in the context of application to coaching.
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I appreciate how much work someone can accomplish when they commit to long term coaching. I can really get to know them and see their patterns over time, as well as see them progress.
I still hesitate to create a long term “plan” for someone, as I can see how their needs change over time and the original plan may become irrelevant. however, I’m able to acknowledge that this is a reflection of my personal style, as I prefer to move more intuitively and plan less.David, I appreciate how you used the four shields model for your client, and I feel I can relate to that methodology better, as in, “I’m offering to go with you on your journey around the “wheel”, I cant tell you how long it will take you, or what we’ll encounter, but I’ll be with you every step of the way and I will show up with all of my skills and tools to support you along the way.”
Actually, now that I’ve written that, I feel much better about presenting that as an option for long term coaching.One of my challenges is simplifying one’s journey into the four-shields/hero’s journey model. a person’s life is usually so much more complicated than can fit neatly into such a simple model, that I often don’t feel confident or competent enough to offer to be someone’s guide. It is also true that sometimes the model fits perfectly for a clients situation. What seems to be true is that it’s all the “unknown”. The “maps” we have are imperfect and full of areas where dragons and sea monsters live (as in the uncharted areas on the maps of medieval times). Along with being as familiar as possible with with maps we do have, we must become comfortable in the unknown and show up in our full capacity to support our clients. As Michael mentioned in one of our intensives, (and I paraphrase) “Most, if not all human fears and discomforts ultimately boil down to being afraid of the unknown, and the truth is, it’s all unknown.”
When we offer long term coach to someone, we are offering to support them through through their own unique path through the unknown. Though we show up as guides with our own strengths and styles, and we must also be proficient in the tools we do offer, I remember that since foundations, Michael has been encouraging us to deepen our relationship with our intuition and become comfortable in the Unknown; for ourselves and for our clients. This has been one of my biggest takeaways from the NCC program, and one of the most supportive to my coaching, as well as my own personal growth.
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Rollin, I enjoyed reading about your client. I appreciate how you recognized and slowed him down when he jumped into what “to do”. I can imagine how you may have gone about that process, with your unique and charismatic communication style. I always learn a lot from your experiences.
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Gina, I appreciate how you applied the tools learned in this toolbox to an interaction with a stranger. It goes to show how powerful this knowledge can be in a variety of circumstances.
I haven’t found myself coaching someone specifically on grief, though I have applied some of the aspects of this tool box to my interactions with others. For example, a dear friend of mine lost her mother before we had this intensive. We co-created a ceremony where she showed me a number of her mothers belongings and shared with me what came up for her when she reflected on each object. After the ceremony, she wasn’t sure what to do with all of the objects. she considered sending them to other family members, putting them away, etc. This lack of clarity caused some stress for her ass she had to decide what to do. She eventually decided to create an altar space for these belongings in order for her mother to continue to have some presence in her life. I feel that had I understood the grieving process better, I would have been able to alleviate some of her discomfort around the question of what to do with her mothers belongings by reassuring her that these objects can bring peace and connection for as long as necessary this is a natural part of the grieving process.
Ultimately, I feel that foundational to all the skills mentioned in this toolbox are two things that are really helpful for me to embody and to share with clients: the “map” of the grieving process, and having patience for the unique pace we all move through each process at. Along with deep, compassionate listening, reassuring someone one that they are on the right path and that there is no rush and no wrong way to grieve can be just the support that they need to pursue their own path to healing.
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In summary, I have learned to have so much more grace for myself and others in knowing about the stages of change, and I love passing on the information about backsliding in particularly. I love how applicable everything we’ve learned is, and how much of it can be seen in universally. I look forward to discovering new ways to apply it in supporting others.
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David, I love your summary statement. It has caused me to reflect on the times in my life that I have actually accomplished something that I set out to do (those things are heavily outweighed by thing things I’ve left unfinished;)) before I learned about the importance of intention/purpose/vision. I realize that a part of my success was that I had a vision, though sometimes vague, and I has measurable steps achievable along the way. Mix in the stages of change, and I also had to learn grace for when I backslid.
I suppose I can learn a lot about myself by looking back on what I naturally did that for, and what I didn’t.
I also began to ponder the concept of a life/soul intention, something we’ve been focused on since childhood that we prioritize without knowing it. I imagine there may be multiples for many of us, but that each could be boiled down to one word, I.E.: Love, explore, teach, etc.
Anyway, that feels like quite a spin-off from your summary, but that’s what came up for me. -
I find that it can be very helpful to be able to explain to a client why certain aspects of the process are so important and how they work. I know that I personally have sought out “peak” or “threshold” experiences throughout my life, and then have been disappointed over time when the insight I gained during that experience faded away into oblivion. I personally have found it so much more empowering to be guided into a clear intention through severance, through threshold, and then have quite a bit of follow up with the integration. I have found that when one integrates their threshold experience for multiple weeks, and continues to let that integration evolve (in order to remain relevant), the integration process becomes more of a prolonged threshold experience.
I can assure clients that the change is taking place when they continue with their integration process, long after the original the threshold has ended. -
The integration of partswork into the NCC program was a large reason I chose to enroll in the program. With my prior experience as a partwsork client, I knew that it was something I wanted to learn to facilitate. I even participated in the partswork deep dive before partswork one and was feeling proficient in both my practice and my ability to facilitate. However, during partswork one I found myself on the edge of a similar precipice to the one Sophie described that manifested as pretty high anxiety. I found that I was unable to “step off” and learn what parts were being triggered, which is an uncomfortable experience that I’m still sitting with.
I have worked with a few clients who resonated with partswork and focused pretty heavily on that modality. I have found that by introducing the concept of partswork and trusting that my clients knowing what they need, I have had some pretty diverse experiences. One client preferred that we discuss the concept/framework of partswork during our sessions and journal from them at home in his own time, reading back to me what he discovered at the beginning of each new session. Ultimately, this client got a lot out of partswork, even though our experience together was more didactic than therapeutic.
The above experience is a reminder to trust the client, trust my intuition, and explore different ways to use the tools we are being taught in order to best serve our clients.
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summary
I find Gestalt work to be informative, and an excellent tool to add to my “toolbox” for guiding a client to their deeper want/need. I don’t feel particularly inspired to practice specific gestalt techniques, but I believe that what I learned in this toolbox is present in my subconscious,, and with practice will come to me when I need it if I first practice presence and loose my personal agenda.
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Leslie,
even though Gina already quoted you here, I feel the need to comment on it as well.“When I allow myself to be in the Eternal Now as a coach, I suspend that need to fix, that tendency to constantly be looking toward what comes next. The longer I stay in the eternal now, the more I am able to create space for silence, pause, and reflection. Thus, the more opportunity there is for curiosity and co-creation.”
This is a great summation to how I relate to gestalt, as well as other tools we’re being taught. I remember in foundations, Michael said something to the effect of “trust that what you experience has been absorbed by your subconscious, and if/when you need it, you’ll be able to access it if you are present with your client and aren’t trying too hard.”
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Thanks for your initial share, Deanna. I see how the difference between “emotional involvement” vs “emotional engagement” is a very important one to make, and once practiced, empowers the coach/client relationship and increases the potential positive outcome.
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Boy, what to say about Gestalt. I think that there could be a lot of potential when combined with other forms of therapy. I would explain it as a major part of the “tracking” element that takes place during a session, except that we get to check in with the client to see what is going on as opposed to forming a hypothesis/story based on tracks on the earth.
It appears to be a cool tool for following a clients tells and quirks into the deeper layers of the need and want; layers that aren’t always accessible via dialogue alone.
Though useful over the phone, it appears to be most valuable in person, and somewhat less potent over video conference. -
Thanks for your long unanswered questions, Rollin. BTW, I miss you, Buddy ;).
I have been sharing the basic “map” of the work with prospective clients and our initial discovery meeting.
Also, when I have more “in-depth” sessions (some may last a few hours), I usually have at least one, but often more, Integration specific follow-up sessions to see what they may have discovered in applying what they learned in the following weeks after threshold, and how they can shift to incorporating that new information into their lives as well. It appears that the lessons one learns by integrating a threshold into daily life, continue to ripple out, and I’m finding there is a lot of value in intentionally integrating those lessons as well. -
The main lesson I learned from the last toolbox is the purpose and potential of a strong integration ritual after a session. I had thus far been “writing off” the integration element of a session as less important than the threshold or severance element. Before I started the NCC program, I spent a lot of energy seeking peak threshold experiences. these experiences were sometimes healthy, most often unhealthy, and never consciously did I go through severance, set an intention or have any form of integration ritual afterward, besides occasionally having homework assigned by a mentor/facilitator.
The more I learn about the process, and how the process works in relationship to the human animal’s psyche, the more I am both blown away by it’s holistic power and excited to be given the gift of wielding this powerful gift for my community. It feels like a sacred rite and spiritual practice for me. That being said, I am also humbled at my own novice-hood when I make a mistake or am unable to help someone take the next step in their growth.
In sessions with my clients since the Toolbox, I have been holding the three phases of a session all with equal importance. I can explain how the integration rituals are just as important as the peak experience that was had in threshold, even though it may feel like “work” to see through.
As I continue to learn at the toolboxes, I see how all the information connects together, including many things I have learned previously. As the connections within my web of knowledge increase, the ways in which I interact with my clients shift and change also, in subtle and nuanced ways. That makes it a little more difficult to identify with clarity how each toolbox or piece of information changes the way I relate to any particular client.