Heber Howard
Forum Replies Created
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Final post
I absolutely love learning about working with trauma. Trauma is such an umbrella term and when a major trauma comes up it can be so challenging to reach the person you are with and it can feel so hopeless for the client. It seems like everyone should have some training in how to be with someone in trauma. Especially, because it’s so much easier to become re-traumatized after an initial trauma. I also find it fascinating learning to understand ways in which to work with someones nervous system to calm them down and/or help them feel safe. I was happy to learn lessons such as the strongest nervous system in the room wins, some indicators of disassociation to look for and questions to ask someone. For example, I had never thought dissociative crying was a thing before, I thought crying was always a good thing. Now I know that the person has to be aware of what is going on with them in order to really process the emotion it looks like they are processing when they are crying. I am really thankful to understand what dissociative crying is, why it can be an issue, and what to look out for. Also, I love the question, “Is it okay to feel okay when thing are okay?”
A while ago, a client that I work with at my job had been continuing to get more and more stressed out because a move was coming up, causing him to be a lot more volatile than usual. One night he exploded and started screaming at staff as loud as he could, threatening to sue them and accusing them of mistreating him. After a little while of this, he went outside and was pacing, still obviously very upset. I went over to him and started talking to him. After a bit, I suggested that we try the pushing exercise we did in this module in order to resource him and hopefully dissipate some of his energy. He agreed, we pushed on each other for a little while and it totally changed his mood. It was sort of incredible how dramatic of a shift he made in such a short amount of time. I know this won’t happen to everyone, but it is a testament to how well these tools can work.
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Summary
From this module, I took away the importance of recruiting the nonconscious part of the brain into helping with the getting the client to meet their goal. It is extremely helpful to understand what parts of the brain are being worked with during any given point during a coaching session in order to maximize the benefit and have a better understanding of the underlying goal (meaning strategy to get the client to their goal). The conscious brain sets goals and judges results and the nonconscious brain doesn’t have any goals but just executes the goals it is provided with by the conscious brain. So, the goal I will hold in mind most is how to get the client to set strong enough intention for their goals to dig that goal into their nonconscious brain and tracking how their nonconscious brain is processing these intentions. To do these things I will be using a lot more creating rituals. Before this module I really didn’t understand the idea of creating rituals, I wanted to believe there was a point because I appreciated most of what I had learned but I thought it seemed like a bit of a hippy dippy, feel-good reminder to the client that seemed like a cool idea. I realized now just how important the ritual really is and I am glad to have more of an understanding and respect for it. I think it is an interesting realization that the nonconscious brain is only processing information in a way you have told it to process. This gives a lot of hope to the client and really highlights the power of the ritual. The trick to creating a powerful ritual is to build belief in what the client is doing, belief in themselves, and belief in the ritual. In this module, I learned that if you can make someone believe, it is the most powerful tool you can use for it is the most powerful force in the universe. Largely what we are doing is working on clients belief of if they can or can’t.
After some progress is made, it is very important to know that there should be some expectation that the client may revert back to old habits. This is not a reason for concern but the relapse or “snap back” is a natural part of the ceremony of change. At this point, it is important to make sure they don’t just give up so get curious about it. Ask questions like, “what did you learn from relapse?” or just give them a reflection that they are not doing what they want and try to intentionally make them uncomfortable.
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Initial post
At the beginning of my notes for Brain and Change 2, I wrote a note that says, “Setting goals is a function of the conscious mind but reaching them is a function of the nonconscious mind. Reaching those goals is where ritual comes in.” At first, I didn’t really remember this and felt pretty confused. I felt like this idea really contradicted some of the things that were taught in Brain 1. I think what I was remembering that really seemed to contradict this idea was the idea that we are our attention. We are our intention, meaning that with the intense focus of our intention we are able to initiate long-lasting synaptic changes in our brain. Therefore, what we do with our attention can change the structure of our brain. Coming back into this module with this question, I had to go through everything and make sense of this.
To explain the idea behind reaching a goal being a function of the nonconscious mind very basically it is programming and activating the reticular activating system, which is sorting information to call attention to things of importance to you. Of course, this will help you reach your goal by providing many opportunities for finding, coming into contact with, and making meaning of things that will help you to reach your goal. Creating and using a ritual is the way that one would program their reticular activating system. To go a little more in depth, there are a few reasons it is important to program the nonconscious mind in order to reach a goal. First and foremost, the nonconscious mind is vastly more powerful than the conscious mind. The nonconscious brain matter makes up about 83 percent of your brain and controls about 96 percent of perceptions and behavior. The unconscious mind also acts far faster than the conscious mind, about 800 times faster actually. Also, the unconscious mind never forgets but really only processes information as if it is happening now. Of course, if a memory is triggered because of an internal or external stimulus the nonconscious mind processes the information immediately and causes a reaction or behavior. On the other hand, the conscious mind has a very short-term memory span but does perceive the passage of time and can make decisions to program the nonconscious mind. Because of the power and speed of the nonconscious mind, holding on to a goal without really using the nonconscious mind is very challenging. This is often why snapback occurs when a person is moving into contemplation or action without a whole lot of awareness or intention.
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Summary
From this module, I learned many lessons. I had done some study of the brain while I was in school, so some of this module was a review but so much of it was connecting things that I had never thought about before. One of the most interesting things about this module for me was learning about the importance of story, myth-making, and ritual for blending with the brains natural processes and creating change.
Generally, when someone is craving change there are challenging impulses and questions that are flying around. To answer these questions the brain needs to figure out a coherent scenario in which the brain can judge the scenario and react effectively. For example, during the module, we were given a story about a hunter that is walking through the woods and upon hearing a twig snap instantly runs out of fear that the sound was coming from a leopard stalking him. Even though he had no idea what made the noise, he created a myth that explained an unexplained event in a way that allowed him to take effective and possibly life-saving action in a very short amount of time. In any place of deciding on making a change, the uncertainty causes anxiety which feels very important to resolve and if the answer is not obvious it can be very helpful to create a myth in order to move forward with the process. This myth-making is our minds way of making sense of some aspect or question about one’s life that evokes more energy within us yet feels too big to resolve through a simplistic story.
Next comes creating a ritual using the framework that created the myth. In the example used earlier, this would look something like the hunter running every time he was in the woods and heard a twig snap. It is basically the amygdala creating an emotional memory tied to something in the external environment which will intern cause a change in state of being. This kind of ritual can cause a lot of issues if it becomes something unconscious, for example, if every time the person heard a twig break they became scared and ran away, that could possibly cause a lot of problems for them. Although, the same process can be used to create a ritual in which a positive state of being is created by a trigger. The trigger can be a way of moving the body or becoming aware of something in the environment.
These are natural processes that, as coaches, we are able to collaborate with in order to change patterns and beliefs. In order for change to occur in someone’s life, their brain must change. Body is included in the definition of brain so the experience must include the whole body. By creating a myth and a ritual, powerfully tied to an emotional memory, the amygdala will change the emotional world of the person.
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Initial Post
This module was so interesting and I learned so much. I haven’t had many practice clients yet so I haven’t really used the lessons I learned I learned in this module with anyone outside of EBI yes. During the module, I got to do some practice with Hannah which was really interesting. During the module, we had been talking about highlighting logical and emotional statements that the client makes so that their brain to hear itself. This made me think of Motivational Interviewing (a system I learned a while ago that emphasizes complex reflections and open questions) so I decided to try focusing on these skills during our session to see what happened and try to gain a better understanding of it. I ended up feeling like the session went really well.
After reviewing my notes and handout I have some ideas of what made it a good session. The first thing I noticed is a note I took that says, “loving awareness is a gateway to the soul.” It seems to me like giving accurate complex reflections, asking open questions based out of a genuine desire to have a deeper understanding of the clients’ experience, and giving the client a few genuine affirmations is a very strong way to express loving awareness to someone you are speaking with. Of course, as the client feels this loving awareness they become more and more open, allowing their soul to the surface. Secondly, I was able to reflect on some of those logical and emotional points so she was able to hear herself a little more consciously. This seemed to really have some power because it would cause her to stop and think about it a little more. Something else that really seemed to get her to stop and think that we learned was to highlight the opposite elements (which might be the conflict) of the story. This seemed to give her a clearer picture of what kind of what she was up against and the decision that needed to be made. I also am realizing that this method of working with someone is powerful because it is really holding them in the contemplation stage of change. The more you stay in the contemplation stage of change the more you strengthen the myelin sheath of the pathway to figure out how to change. If you do not continue to work with the contemplation stage, the neuroconnection for the idea may die, putting you back into precontemplation.
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Summary
I was really curious what kind of new material we were going to learn for the second round of Partswork. I am glad that most of the module was devoted to practice and discussion, which still provided some learning opportunities. One thing I was very happy to learn about and see played out in action a few times was putting the “psychodrama” that is going on inside the clients head into the world in front of the client so that they could see it. This is a great way to make the process feel more real and feel less clunky. I often feel like talking in first person as a part of myself to another part of myself feels very clunky and very strange. The technique of putting the conversation out onto the landscape and using objects that are big enough to represent people as the parts is very helpful in resolving some of this clunky feeling. Being able to stand in the place of soul or warrior is really helpful in embodying that part and speaking from a first-person voice. I think it still feels a little odd for most people to be embodying a part of themselves and speaking from first person to a tree that is supposed to represent another part of themselves, especially when someone else is watching. I think for some people it’s challenging to simply wrap their heads around the concept. For this reason, I really appreciated the idea of coach embodying one of the parts the client is working with. It seems much easier for the client to get everything straight when they are actually able to have a back and forth with someone else. I imagine this is just a learning curve, and once a client has experienced Partswork a few times it becomes much easier for them to do the whole process by themselves. It’s also important to note that stepping in as one of the clients parts is a bit of a risky move. The coach has to know the part they are embodying well enough to make sure they are embodying it accurately. For this reason, I think it is really important for the coach to start the experiment by being very explicit with the client that this experience for them and they are directing it. I really feel like I have a much better understanding of the power of Partswork now that I see it and it’s goals a little more clearly. Before I really didn’t understand why I should hold my client to speak from the place of their part in first person dialogue. Now I have a better understanding that the power of Partswork comes from the client getting to really differentiate those different voices and feel into their parts. This also helped me to better understand that these parts are not just a role you play but a part of who you are. Because they are part of you, it is important to treat these parts like a whole person. Parts need to be worked through, allowed to grieve, celebrated for achievements, and led to working with their trauma. It’s just working with a person, but a much more focused part of them.
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Initial Post
I tried to do a session in which I was inspired to try blending Partswork and Somatic Experiencing trauma work. The session was with a friend and first-time client. We started off the session with a little description on the tools I was planning on using and a rough idea of what the work we were about to do was going to look like. We started the session and I asked her what she wanted to work on but she didn’t come with an issue to work on. I got the impression she was doing it more as just a way of exploring what I was up to. At one point when I was asking if she was interested in being my client she said something along the lines of, “I have a ton of issues, I could definitely use a life coach” but when she came to the session she didn’t have anything to talk about. I found this really interesting and wondered if there was a part of her that just thought of herself as a person with issues. Maybe this is an introjection or even a retroflection that is affecting a part of her, or maybe this identity serves her in some way. I tried getting her to touch into her soul which proved to be very challenging. I was doing this mostly using the Internal Family Systems model which emphasizes coming from place of the self or soul, talking with the parts that are protecting her from something to get to talk more with an exiled part that is not appreciated and not seen very often. I was doing this by getting her to feel into her body in times of frustration and when getting to a part of herself was challenging. The whole session felt clunky, she seemed confused about what she was doing, I felt confused about where to go and we didn’t seem to get anywhere. We did touch into a few parts and she got more familiar with them as she went along, and at the end of the session, she said that this was valuable to her. This was hard for me to believe because I didn’t feel like we really made any progress.
I think a big reason this session didn’t go the way I would have liked it to go is that I was trying too hard. The whole session felt very clunky and unnatural. This experience really colored my opinion of Partswork for a while. I thought it would always just feel strange and I really didn’t see myself using it anymore. Now I realize that part of that feeling is the Internal Family Systems model seemed great but it felt very limiting where I could go and I ended up feeling very boxed in. I still think it has a lot of great concepts and can be a great tool, but I am glad to realize that I can be more flexible with Partswork now. I also loved the idea of doing trauma work with parts and I still do, I think I just tried to apply to many things to quickly without having a real grasp of how to work with them.
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Hey, it sounds like you really got to get creative with this session. I love hearing about getting a chance to use some of the resourcing tools and actually seeing a physical change in your client. It sounds like it was a good nudge toward overcoming her social anxiety.
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Hey thanks, Daniel. I took it on a trip to Yosemite last summer, hence the huge smile. I appreciate hearing your perspective on how to work with my friend. I don’t think she’s really in pre-contemplation though, which is part of what confuses me. It is definitely a trauma response and I hear her say that she wishes I could help her out of that place, but she feels unreachable, which is exactly how I feel about it. She’s even seeing a therapist for it, so it seems like she would be open to it, but she’s not. At least not in those moments she’s not. Maybe in some way she is in pre-contemplation at the moment but not overall? I do agree, I can’t force anything on her. I just wish I knew how to reach her in those places and help her system realize that she is not alone and that I am here for her.
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Hey Erica, I love how such a simple question as, “if there have been other instances in her life of when she ‘overcame the impossible,’” was used to activate her Reticular Activating System. I had been thinking of it as a more complicated process that you only really get to in the threshold, ritual creation, or possibly the incorporation phases. It seems like this question really opened up a lot for your client. I guess it’s really useful to make an attempt to prime the clients Reticular Activating System toward the beginning of the session in order for their brain to be looking for connections as the session goes on.
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Hey Hannah, I appreciate your inquiry into what it would look like to visualize, build up the need, surrender and act in a behavior change situation. It seems to me that this is describing the mythic image. From what I understand about the idea of the mythic image is that in your mind’s eye the image you are holding is already a reality, you are now waiting for your body to catch up to that image. It seems to me that this is a really powerful and useful method of creating change but could also cause some dissociation. If the belief is there that you are one thing but your external reality doesn’t match your internal reality, that creates a lot of anxiety and unrest for the system. The system will need to resolve the dichotomy and either work to change into the internal image or dissociate/lash out every time the reality of that internal image is threatened.
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Hey Erica, what a great experience. I’m impressed with your ability to really pick up on your clients limiting beliefs so quickly and being able to point out to her these conflicting beliefs. I think it can be easy to get caught up in the clients’ story especially when they have a really strong belief system. I imagine I may have gone down the route of saying, “Well, I don’t know, what do you think?” and could have gotten lost in her story. I find it especially interesting how the myth of combining all of her passions being impossible became a ritual for her. Seeking more training, asking herself the question again and deciding it wasn’t possible yet. Telling others about her dream then imagining it’s impossible. I also wonder if there is something she gains from talking about her dream or fantasizing about it and then saying that it’s impossible. It could be an easy way to stay safe or even to get attention from others. Anyway… I got a little sidetracked there… I love that you were able to work with her so naturally that she was able to really see the opposing beliefs without you having to name what was happening.
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Hey Kairon, I’m curious what you mean when you write, “Change has to come through the unconscious part of ourselves as it controls 90% of our motivation.” This statement makes sense on its own, but the whole paragraph before this sentence is talking about how change needs to come through attention and awareness, which I take to mean the prefrontal cortex or the conscious controller. A little later you go on to say, “a lot of programming can be done through the conscious mind and installed into the unconscious through the process of embodiment” which I very much agree with but still seems in opposition to the first statement I mentioned. Maybe you are are saying that in order for real change to occur you must develop the new way of being until it becomes unconscious?
On another note, I love hearing how simply educating your clients a little bit about the processes happening in their brain and the process of change brings great relief and growth. That’s pretty inspirational.
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Kairon, I love your idea of Partswork being a powerful reflection tool for a coach. I very much agree with you that new clients might be a little put-off, or at least hesitant, by Partswork. The idea of using Partswork as more of a reflection tool seem like a great way to get the client used to the language and get them primed for more future sessions more focused on Partswork. Also, I think what you say about play is a very good insight. I think it can be so easy for Partswork to feel confusing and it can really lend the client to get very stuck in their head. Giving the client the direction to be a child and be curious is important to give them more permission into being silly and just maybe not get to lost in the process.
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Michelle, I really appreciate you describing your understanding of what it means to return to the soul. I to have always had trouble really understanding what it meant to live a soul-directed life. I have generally discounted it as flowery speech that people like to use to overlay spirituality onto a process of psychological healing. This makes so much more sense to me now. It seems like it’s common for people to feel like they are mostly controlled by their parts when they start Partswork. It feels like it really clicks that a person would feel like they are living a more “soul directed” life once they get all their other parts out of the driver’s seat.