[jgotts60]

I decided to start my programming activities small. I have done other types of very similar exercises but focusing on big things or in some cases focusing on my emotional reactions to things at work or in other parts of my life. In those other practices, the first step is to remove or focus on changing the behavior or response that’s not serving one and then replacing it with the desired response.

Since this was a little different, I just built the intention on doing some things I’ve been putting off for a long time. It actually was very helpful. I know straightening up and decluttering my office/computer room is not a big deal, and I should just get in there and do, but I had been thinking about it and procrastinating for months. The intention programming helped me break through whatever was holding me back and actually do it. There’s still more to be done, and I look forward to applying this very direct and efficient programming technique to other things. Again I plan to build slowly to build confidence in the practice so to speak.

I’m still getting to know my parts in the way that Michael has presented them, so I can’t pinpoint how parts work has come into play for the programming or other work. One of my parts is a Doer (I think…and I’m not sure that name does it justice at this point). That part was clearly not active in the task that I was putting off for so long, so maybe the programming practice helped engage that part. Again, it was helpful, at this point, to focus on a very specific and tractable task and not on recruiting specific parts per se. If I had done the latter, I think it might have been too abstract.

This raises the thought for me about setting the intention for recruiting a specific part when doing the programming practice. For example, if I work on intention to do something else I’ve been thinking about for a while, can I explicitly engage my doer part, so I start building the linkage between this part and accomplishing tasks and then call on that part/linkage in the future. I think I might play with that a bit.

[jgotts60]

Plan for a possible client:

1. I’d meet with the client to see what is up for them, what they’d like to work on or what issues are holding them back from being where they want to be in life. I’d do this with the understanding that this is a springboard and the pressing issue may change as they do this work or things evolve in life. As part of this initial discussion, I start them thinking on some intentions they’d like to set. One principle that I would definitely want to convey is the idea that we do this work in nature not only to remove ourselves from our regular lives and stresses, but also because nature is a teacher herself.

2. I’d start the work and progress through it much like the course progressed. That is, I’d introduce them to the sensory awareness. I think this is a very powerful process to begin with because it seems so much of this work is aimed at expanding awareness internally and externally. That along is a significant step in moving forward. I might help prompt the client a bit while starting this awareness exercise, e.g., “What do you hear on your left? What’s the farthest sound?…” etc. I would sit with the client for a bit and see what if anything came up in doing this. I’d then do this on a walk, again asking them just to notice but to point out what they may be noticing if they’re motivated to share.

3. I’d introduce the concepts of a wander and do the wander, but I’d introduce the prep and integration phases too bringing in some of the intentions from the early conversations

4. I’d go to the 7 surrender breath exercise and guide the client in pulling out the salient sensations and what may be learned from them.

5. I’d probably start going to the techniques to identifying resistance to change at this point, but I’d want to do it in a way that doesn’t lead to beating oneself up. As Michael said, it’s good to be honest but I could see how this might lead to self-flagellation which would not be healthy.

6. In regard to 5, my reaction to the 7 steps when I first did it was something that’s integral to my spiritual (Jewish) foundation. That is, that the soul is inherently good (“pure” as it were), so this may be a worthwhile technique during or before the Kegan and Lahey exercise.

This would probably be the first few months.

7. I’d then start using these techniques “for real.” What can a wander tell the client about what they want to change. I’d start looking for those steps to making the change real and lasting that may arise out of the wander and other exercises. So I’d do them with a particular focus on the question of what needs to be changed. Out of this would come the particular goals. This might take a few sessions to make this concrete, but I’d work toward each session identifying specific steps or goals to change for the next session. I’d start each subsequent session with a check in on how the goals have progressed.

[jgotts60]

The idea of being soul directed for me is showing up fully with what’s real. When I’m tuned in to Soul, it feels authentic and full of all of the characteristics in the nature connection wheel. Others might use other words like compassionate, loving, balanced and so on. In my tradition, kabbalists have used the attributes on the kabbalistic tree of life to identify those attributes of Unity-of-everything that we can aspire to. For me, it’s easy to fall into a dichotomy though, something like soul is real (and I tend to conflate this with Spirit), the “outside world” is just a stage that we are actors on. Not my original thought of course, but I don’t want to live in such a bifurcated perspective. Been there, done that. So in my work world, how do I live in connection with nature, or all-that-is, when bureaucratic or political stresses feel like they separating me from Soul or Nature? Or how do I bring soul-direction that may arise in meditation or ceremony into these areas that don’t seem conducive to Soul? That’s where remembering the place of connection, breathing, wide-angle vision, other techniques come into play.

[jgotts60]

Catching up to the class here. I’m still asking for a vision. I definitely succumb to doubt, but that may be because I’m confusing vision with dream. It seems like partly an issue of “scale” or the vision is the what and the dream is the how. I say this because when I think I’m pursuing a vision, I get frustrated because it’s not manifesting the way that I, well, envision.

That said, the journey into soul, for me, reminds me of what’s real. The first time I did the 7 steps practice, my soul presence was so real and comforting. It was, for me, a place of knowing and also accepting. It’s this level of awareness that is my own vision for myself. I’m not sure I could articulate it fully, and in that way it feels a little tenuous because it’s hard to bring it to light without being able to fully articulate it, and when I do put something into words, I start to question myself. So, what’s not in alignment? My own core beliefs tend to reinforce the message of unworthiness or self-doubt.

That said, when I’ve been asked what is my passion or my vision, it’s clear to me, sometimes so clear and solid, it comes out of me like it’s not my own voice, I am a prayer holder. I help people hold their prayers and hold them for them. I know spiritual, woo, woo stuff, but I’m feeling more and more, as I journey to my own soul, this is the vision that is being brought to me. Now, this might involve other parts, like coaching through nature or using nature to bring out or help people get in touch with their prayers.

I want to work with my council more to see what particular guidance they have for me in this vision. I’m enjoying feeling their presence though. Again, it’s a feeling of comfort and strength.

[jgotts60]

I’m clearly late in submitting this, but I want to finish up this class. While to be absolutely honest, I haven’t worked these techniques since this course ended, I do remember the work with multiple perspectives and the idea of ceremony. I did several wanders working with multiple perspectives, and in fact, I actually did do this in other contexts, e.g., hiking with my son up in Brainard Lakes. The first time we tried this practice during the class, it immediately broke some stuff open for me, but in subsequent tries, the same things didn’t happen. It’s not that I was expecting new epiphanies, but a little shift of some kind would have been nice.

That said, on one of my wanders, I did feel a real welcome and comfort from the natural area that I was in. Was that a result of the deep listening, the multiple perspectives, both, something else? Who’s to say. That’s where I just surrender to the mystery.

I worked with the idea of my day as ceremony a little bit, but didn’t stick with it. It’s alsways a balance of the various practices I’m pursuing. I like the idea, but I do a lot of ceremony in various contexts, so it’s not new to me. The stages that you describe are the steps of an initiation, which is, of course, just a really big ceremony.

[jgotts60]

I’m making this short, because I thought I’d take the chance and just type directly into the response space and not type it in a doc first. Of course, I ended up losing what I had written, so I don’t feel like rewriting it all.

I’ve really enjoyed the 7 steps. I’ve done similar journeying before both as a shamanic journey and a spiritual journey. In Judaism, we do such a journey to meet the “ancient of days.” While these other techniques seem to be encountering external source of wisdom or knowing, I like the 7 steps that is very deliberate about encountering an internal source of knowing or the soul. In actuality, in a mystical sense (and my own belief), the line between external and internal is actually not that distinct.

As I mentioned in class, when I did the 7 steps, I met a presence at the platform that, although he didn’t resemble me physically, I knew was me. There was something very comfortable about that presence. In addition, the light on the other side of the arch also felt comforting and, in a sense, healing. This is important for me to recognize in my life, the inherent goodness of my soul and essence.

[jgotts60]

I still want to work with this practice as I’m catching up with the course a bit. I’ve tried this in several circumstances: at work, walking in the street from work, in meditation with the moon in my back yard, in my men’s group meeting in my sukkah in my back yard. Each has led to a different experience, some with the sacred questions arising immediately, some where I deliberately asked the sacred questions.

When I say arise, that’s probably ascribing too much of a spontaneous, organic process to it. One of the things I like about the construct of the sacred questions is they provide a channel for the monkey mind. There are several things one can do with the mental chatter when trying to be in a mindful state: let it go, observe it, etc. I’ve found the sacred questions to be an interesting practice to direct the mental chatter to explore my feelings further. The questions become a kind of meditation themselves. Now I say all this having learned a little more last night that the main objective of, well, objective awareness is to just let the awareness happen and not go into the questions at the time, but although I might have done it “wrong,” this in itself has provided a learning.

My experience at work was very interesting. I tried the practice of opening up, and I found myself almost accidentally “dropped in.” This was a dropping in as I would experience in nature, a heightened sensory and energetic experience, at the same time very aware of my inner observer. I almost felt like I wasn’t controlling it and was wondering if my staff was picking up on any difference in the quality of my voice or my presence. I can’t say what I was saying at the time was any more brilliant than my usual level of extreme genius…it’s a very high bar to surpass, believe me…like I was tapping into some all-knowing intuition. In fact, I’m not even sure if what I was saying during the discussions at this time really made any sense. It was almost a little scary, but I stayed curious and went with it until I had to focus on emails back at my desk.

I didn’t try to explore, analyze or make meaning of this at the time, but as I think back on it, it is almost what I’ve been asking or longing for. For a long time, I’ve felt like I live a bifurcated life. I have my left brain Chief Data Officer job with the state, all about doing, accomplishing, trying to line up resources and people to do what sometimes feels like the impossible with the unwilling for the ungrateful (adapted from Mother Teresa) and that’s on a good day! Actually it’s not that bad. Then I have my right brain world of spirit work, personal work, earth based practices. I’ve started to let my personal world into my work world a little more, but for a long time I’ve wanted to integrate the two more. I’ve tried my own little spiritual practices of gratitude and other things throughout the day, but this is the first time I’ve just dropped into a different level of being in my work space. The biggest thing I want to take from this right now is that maybe the separation is not as distinct as I’ve thought it to be. I’ve known this intellectually, but now I’ve felt it.

[jgotts60]

I could regurgitate the things that compose connection from the readings for the first week,but I’d rather consider what nature connection is to me. The attributes that John Young lists out as attributes of connection seem like they could be precursors or outcomes of connection. The ones that explicitly list connection in them (e.g., A deeply empathetic and sensitive connection to the natural world) can be an attribute of connection in general if the “natural world” were removed from them.

When I think of connection, and of course the concept will continue to evolve and mature, I think of Buber’s I and Thou. The way of encountering another as a relationship (I-Thou) rather than as a something to collect data on and use. This also starts to speak to the difference between the utilitarian approach to environmental ethics compared to the intrinsic ethic. The I-Thou encounter, though, is about relationship between objects (beings). This relationship is both transformative for both involved and universal (i.e., the entire universe is exists in this relationship). Buber says this type of relationship is possible with objects in the natural world as well.

To me, deep Nature-Connection is a relationship. It is feeling the natural world, and through that process the lessons that nature has as well as what nature “wants”. Part of my practice is often to ask permission of the beings in nature when I enter into it for various reasons. I also offer gratitude to the natural surrounding for allowing me to be there and what they bring to the world. I’ve also worked with “talking” to nature, feeling the life force in it.

As you might guess from this, such connection is very important to me because of the lessons that are possible. As a spiritual practice, I learn humility, connection (as a spiritual attribute) which leads to the other attributes Young talks about, and what is real. I also learn about myself, although some of these lessons I’m still learning, and I seem to have to learn them over and over. I could talk about some of these lessons from soul-o’s in the wilderness, but I’ll save that for later.

Many of my challenges deal with the ability and time to spend the time necessary in nature. I’ve done enough of this work that I feel like I don’t need a lot of time to “drop in,” but certainly as Harper mentions, extended time is important, and there is a huge qualitative difference between a week or longer and a day or two.