[Kim Gilchrist]

Summary Post
Just like everyone else here, I’m dealing with the grief of saying goodbye as fellow student coaches. It is hard to believe that we won’t be getting together anymore and sharing the space we’ve been in for the last year+. But am also excited to now be fellow coaches & there is the opportunity for us to be together in this new space. So it’s a very up and down feeling right now, which is so much like what grief can be.

Grief comes in many forms and is so unique to each individual. We just need to be aware of what this is for each person, hold space without judgement and without trying to direct. Just be what our clients need in the now. And, understanding especially in this current time, that we also need to be aware of and hold space for our global community’s grief. This is the now as well.

[Kim Gilchrist]

Sheri – Thank you for sharing that you are grieving the end of this program. I echo those same sentiments. While there is excitement too ad moving into the next step of this journey, I’ve been keeping everything at arm’s distance too. And keep coming back to how important it is to take a step or two back, take some breaths in order to make the big leap forward!

Reading through your sessions with this client, I love that you reached into the toolboxes of what we’ve learned and applied them so well. Holding space in that first session for her to express the grief that was bottled up. More than directing, just going with the ups and downs of the moment. The second session you pulled in the grief toolbox, the trauma toolbox and the foundations toolbox. And, of course, nature! Isn’t it amazing to be able to do that?

[Kim Gilchrist]

Taylor – really interesting thought of regret as grief. I’ve been letting this idea settle in some and I do think regret can be looked at as a type of grief for what your new client is facing. So if you do look at it that way, maybe it starts out more like guiding through grief and can move organically into other areas as needed in later sessions. I am going to this approach when I meet with my client again. Will be curious to see where this may lead. Thank you for bringing this idea up and letting me think through my process as well!

[Kim Gilchrist]

Taylor – the thought you have of “I also could see holding a session in almost complete silence and letting nature do 90% of the work in a session here” really resonates. Being wherever you are with holding space for your client physically and emotionally is so healing. It all goes back to the power of the pause. I know I tend to want to fill in the silence gaps when that silence can do so much. You noted about the paddle/ride – those worked so well because of the physical nature of what we were doing made those gaps happen. And then they worked so well – nature filling those vs. us filling those to allow for process and change.

[Kim Gilchrist]

Initial Post
It’s interesting as I went into the practice session expecting that we would be going through a traditional coaching process. In fact she had told me earlier in the week that she really wanted to work on prioritizing her projects (work and personal). But as we started talking and going down the path of severance it became clear that this client was more in a grief mode. A grief for the changes and perceived loss of opportunities in her career. So much so that it can feel in some ways paralyzing to her in the current work situation that she is in.

We were already in a very calming place that she had picked – a shaded water garden area of the Desert Botanical Garden. This helped tremendously during the session as I held space for her to just talk. And wander in her narrative as we hit spots that she just needed to expound upon and other spots that brought up a lot of emotion, mostly anger and frustration and some just heavy resolution to where she’s at. When it started to get too much we could take a pause to just take in the beauty around and watch the bees/birds as it was a very active place. At one point I asked her what being in this surrounding brought to her, she said it was peaceful and joyful. We came back to that a few times in the session.

So without trying to manage the session in anyway, I just held space for her to talk through the reflections of loss she was feeling with expectations, people, opportunities and resolution of where she’s at as she heads toward retirement in 7 years. The narrative hit upon both past and present feelings of things not going the way she hoped. And what that all means for her. You could see that this was a process that needed to happen.

At the end of our time together I could tell that there was a feeling that we didn’t get to anywhere other than letting it out. I felt that was successful but I could tell the client didn’t necessarily. And about a week later she let me know that another opportunity she was expecting is not happening for her at work. More anger and frustration is building up so I really hope to be able to sit with her to let this all out again in whatever shape it needs to be.

As a learning – well, this isn’t traditionally what we think of as grief although we did explore these types in our loss lines with Julie. I was definitely afraid of naming it as grief with the client since I think she’d be uncomfortable with the label. And no need really to label it. Holding space for the narrative, being in nature and letting it be what it is are all my takeaway.

[Kim Gilchrist]

Summary Post
Well who would’ve thought that I’d really like and understand the science part of this! So not where my comfort level is usually. But there is much to learn from being aware of the workings and allowing for the organic nature of the brain’s learning and re-learning. The whole concept of neuroplasticity and re-programming is coming clearer to me as I work with different clients. Since I wrote this initial post I’ve had the opportunity to work with two new clients. One really wants to tell a new story so we spent time in the current myth that he is living until we got to the deeper need. And it’s all about telling a new story and carving out that new pattern. I believe that we started on the path of re-programming when we got to that moment – you could just see it click in! As we work together more, I trust that new pathway will deepen and grow so it becomes the new story for him. The other client is completely embedded in her story. And she wants to stay there for now. She’s so programmed into it and so comfortable there that a new story is like a roadblock that turns her back around. Hopefully we can get through it! But just stepping back and observing these two really helped open me up to seeing the scientific side outside of the intensive and our EBI world. Guess I’m working on some re-programming too! Love that!!

[Kim Gilchrist]

So true Nadine! By doing the session the way we did, the pauses had to happen. This was a good learning for me too since I do tend to want to allow for a little pause then fill in. This made the pause be what it needed to be. And loving your idea of creating that type of experience as well. Am curious to play with this power of the pause more and to hear from you what grows from this as well!

[Kim Gilchrist]

Taylor – What a learning experience you had with this client! Am assuming he isn’t a client now after you came to the realization that he didn’t want a coach but more looking for someone to give him the answers? Or is this something you feel you can work with to change the long-term habitual patterns and lack of effort on his part? I know you said he really wasn’t into explanations but sounds like a lot came to you as you worked through the science of where this client was/is coming from.

Also, really astute to come to him from his perspective of nature vs. what we think of. I always feel like it’s a fallback to do a wander outdoors or what we love doing in the outdoors. I’m totally guilty of that. But really it needs to be what the client’s relationship with nature is, whatever that is.

Good luck with all the reading and gaining more knowledge! Excited to hear what comes out of your workshop (or workshops) as this grows for you.

[Kim Gilchrist]

Hi Sheri – Really interesting that you were able to tell the energy over the phone. Have yet to try a phone session since it feels even more disconnected than a Zoom call but sounds like that really wasn’t the case! I also appreciate your approach of the 54321 resourcing. I think we all want to start our sessions out with a way for our clients to connect but feel that sometimes that can be awkward when you ask vs. direct. And having an idea of what will work for that client.

So important to ask her for her definition of resilience as it is to easy for us to go from a place of what we know it to be. Reminds of other areas I’ve studied when we see things as colors and each color can mean different things to different people. Coming at it from her place and how to work within that is key. Am really curious to know how different her definition is or was it just how she applied it to herself?

So it sounds like you feel if you’d been more attuned to nature as guide while you were talking, you may have helped to get her to the answers your client was seeking? Maybe a gift you could share with her? I can see that as a great way to do things but there is also the concern that you may have not been able to hear all that she was saying as well. Of course that might just be me too thinking I’d get distracted 😀

[Kim Gilchrist]

Initial Post
I had the opportunity to meet with my client as we were out on a mountain bike ride this weekend. We rode and were able to chat on the flatter parts of the ride which gave us time to let the story unfold in an interesting way with breaks in-between when we hit a climb or a fast downhill. With this client, I knew we could do this since he likes to have time to think/re-think concepts and come back to them. Then we would come to a shady spot so we could take a break and really hunker down on things. On our last break before the end of the ride, we really hit into threshold and spent the time really pulling nature into the conversation.

The session went back to a topic we’ve gone through before – he’s in a stressful job and feeling the weight of this. With the pandemic, it has become an even more overwhelming amount of work and he’s been going into the negative whenever another issue or challenge comes up. And he’s been bottling up this stress too until as he puts it ‘ragey’ and takes it out on those who are most important to him, including himself. Really, it is mostly himself. So being out on ride already put him into a more relaxed state, then as we were moving through this he was able to look around and really express how being out in the desert gave him that sense of connection and what was really important. I wish I could’ve taken a picture of how he raised his arms like he was hugging the landscape and just breathing it all in. Was so powerful and such a reminder of how nature can be so important for our clients in what we do! And really, it got him onto such a clearer path from that point forward.

During the discussion we talked about how our reactions to memories help shape experiences, then and now. And how these reactions can be re-programmed to change the way of his actions toward the stress he feels he is under (we got into the science a bit on the concept of neuroplasticity). That his immediate action/reaction is to go to the negative when something trips up and then lashing out to make people get things done. That is how he has always approached it and then people jump out of fear or more anger. So this initial reaction has continued to build the myth of how he needs to deal with the stress. I then posed to him the question of how he would feel if he gave the space for letting others figure it out and not ‘fly off the handle’? And what would that mean when he took it out of the work context so he wouldn’t carry that burden into himself and onto other areas of life. We had some big silence on that one! There as more from there but we ultimately came back to that feeling of hugging the desert and the world around him. And there seemed to be a resolve that he really wanted to take that into his life.

Yesterday I got a text from him that something came up that took up his stress levels yet he didn’t go to the negative. He stayed quiet to see what would happen. He followed up again today with another text saying he was still reeling in his response yesterday and that it was completely appropriate. That staying in the positive allowed the outcome to be for the best. And he was amazed how easy it really was to the kill the negativity by changing his response and emotions to the situation. Am so thrilled for him that he was able to change his story. I do think this is still just the beginning but that this is the first step to re-programming and creating that new myth. And, I trust that I will be able to help him as he continues down this path.

[Kim Gilchrist]

Summary Post
The toolbox discussion we had last week on Partswork really helped put this in perspective for me. Hearing how others have worked with this – some more formally, some less formally – depending on the client and the context showed me how organic partswork can be. I kept feeling like I had to teach my client(s), go through the mandala, label the parts in order to move forward. Instead both Nadine and Mel shared how they’ve worked with clients to go into it at the moment and no labeling required! Just identifying if someone has a part that stands out within the discussion and talk it through. So helpful!

I admit that I struggle with partswork on myself. I really appreciate Sheri talking through that was for her as well but has gotten to a good place now with partswork. So thanks for the insights on this and showing me I wasn’t alone in wrestling with it. And as it was pointed it, you can’t do partswork with your clients if you don’t do partswork with yourself.

So I’m now sitting with this. I still don’t know if this will become part of my toolbox but I’ve removed the barrier I put up against it. Will let things evolve for both myself and my clients to see what happens.

[Kim Gilchrist]

Sheri – What a brilliant idea of incorporating partswork into a retreat format. And online in this crazy time is fantastic. The retreat does feel like it gives the client the time to process and give voice to the parts that make up who they are vs. trying to fit it into a session (of course, long-term clients are a bit different). Your ideas of using the other tools we have to help them get there feels very natural and organic. Just like you suggested with your own mandala, hopefully it will encourage them to want to work with what they’ve built as well.

[Kim Gilchrist]

Hi Mel – I really love that you are being more directive with partswork. And bringing this back into nature – truly using what is around you! I think one of my biggest hesitations with partswork is this idea of 1) how to get people to understand it, and 2) how to get them to work with it. So instead of just suggesting and seeing what happens, it sounds like you are really guiding the conversation. And also really appreciate that you are open to sharing with your clients your own mandala so it helps to illustrate what this really is and how it can help. I get what you are saying from the virtual perspective, a jam board really helps but the energy of getting them to settle and move forward is really different. So having them move and interact is great!

[Kim Gilchrist]

Initial Post
So, I haven’t worked with anyone on partswork outside of what we did at the intensive. Interestingly though I had a conversation with one of my fellow yoga teacher students and she is enthralled with partswork. We discussed that the way she was taught is that everyone has a protector part and the role of that part is to work with the other parts to solve any challenges. I explained that our learning is a different take with the parts working with the soul. And the protector part may or may not be one we have. It was a very interesting talk as we sussed out the differences although I walked away thinking that the protector from her learning was really the soul from ours.
Anyway, going to what we did…

How does Partswork fit into nature connected-coaching? How could collaborate with nature and Partswork?
There is a time and place for partswork. And I don’t think it is for every one, every time. Where it does fit in nicely is when someone is feeling a disturbance within themselves. Using the partswork model, it can help the person identify the causality within themselves of the issue to then work together as coach & client to head toward resolution.

Nature can help us to calm the mind in order to actually start seeing the parts, and working with the parts. While that is the ideal, it may be that nature just gives us that outlet to identify within and without ourselves for the parts to really start to work together.

What flowed? What didn’t? How does Partswork effect coaching?
So far I’ve only worked with folks who understand partswork, what their parts are and how parts are influenced by the awareness of boundary disturbances. And that makes the flow much easier as we move through the areas to work on. It will be interesting to apply this with folks who need to go through the process of identifying parts and then coach from this perspective.

I believe the partswork effects how can we coach by giving the client an outlet for where the challenges are coming from. So while we may have different parts that make up the whole of who we are, we ultimately are each one person. The parts of us that we are born with and that are shaped/grown/change as we move forward in life influence our reactions, our experiences, our memories. As coaches understanding this from our client’s perspective will help us to guide more effectively for that unique individual made up those parts.

How does Nature-Connection and Partswork interface?
I really see partswork as part of our toolbox of ways to work with our clients. I know some folks want to focus their coaching on the partswork model and are deep diving into that. Think that is awesome!

For my teaching/coaching plan, I see partswork as more of an identifying tool that launches into other aspects for my client’s needs. That said, if it is the right tool for that client I expect that it will then guide the session(s) relationship with that client. And having nature help teach by it sharing how the parts can be thought of and worked with. Nature gives us that space to hold for the client’s needs.

[Kim Gilchrist]

SUMMARY POST
This has really been an interesting module and the discussion lively. The different tacts that each of us has taken with it is just really cool. Everyone taking parts of this and making it work for them!

The four directions as life phases that we discussed in May’s intensive really hit home for where I’d like to be with my long term client planning. It fits so well from a teaching and coaching perspective. And such a simple way to easily explain to clients and let them explore with it. I envision this as a way to help them in the collaboration of what a long term program will mean for them in the context of what I’m offering. In fact, I like this so much I’m playing around with how to incorporate the idea potentially into the name of what this business is becoming.

I’m also continuing to refine more what the definition of long term really is for me after reading/being part of our discussions and the ideas that have been sparked. I expect many clients may feel a large chunk of time – 8 months, a year or more – may come across as a big commitment. So long term may come in a package format and/or a timeframe format in my business. I could see someone giving space for something like a 5 session package to try it out before making a longer commitment. In fact, as I said on the toolbox integration call, it may take 5 sessions to really figure out what the client is even looking for. Plus I may have offerings of smaller periods – 6 weeks, 3 months, etc. And/or a combo of in-person and online sessions. Still playing around with what this may be but finding that this can be truly unique to what is needed!

Finally, I’m finding the idea of long term clients allows for more space to explore. There is less pressure to go through the full ritual in every session. Maybe we do but maybe we don’t. Knowing that we will be able to meet again gives the time to let things come up naturally. And at the pace that is needed for each individual.