Megan Theoret
Forum Replies Created
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SUMMARY POST
My experience facilitating partswork in this last face to face was one of my favorite coaching experiences to date. I love the freedom of the partswork model and the way a totally unique and unstructured map of the psyche emerges for each person, and I also love the WILD MIND map, which provides more structure and organization. My biggest challenge with partswork has been feeling like I have a sense of someone else’s mandala, or even my own for that matter. I like the structure of the medicine wheel because it helps me hold on the parts and feel a sense of orientation within the mandala. I may experiment with a blended model of these two methods and see where that leads me.
I imagine working with people in face to face nature settings, and this is a tool I would love to take into these moments, especially to help support severance and stir the pot when blocks or challenges emerge. I don’t have a clear sense yet of how I will integrate partswork, but I know that its a tool I want to carry in my belt, and I intend to invite opportunities to emerge where I can put this tool to work.
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SUMMARY POST
I love the long-term coaching model, so much so that I’ve lost interest in working with people short term or for single sessions. At this point I think single sessions are more appropriate as follow up support after a long-term agreement has concluded. It also seems exhausting to try to sell people on one or a few sessions at a time, and through the course of this discussion I can see how it’s also a disservice to the client. I can’t really support them in their goals within just one session – maybe I can help them have an aha moment and create a plan for next steps. But given what we’ve learned about how long it takes to create change, and the way that most issues are tied to core issues, it doesn’t seem like a very good use of my or my client’s resources to do a session here or there. I would rather work with people who are really committed to a deep process and want help holding a container for their long-term vision. That is what I love to do, and in my view a more powerful way to work.
I have been thinking through my own lead cultivation models, and how to get clients enrolled in my long term coaching programs. I’m well into the process now of designing two group coaching programs, which will include group classes and gatherings as well as one-on-one coaching. In thinking through all of this, and things like the time commitment and the cost, I’m realizing that it is a big ask to meet someone off the street or internet and hope they will signup for a thousand plus dollar program at first contact. So instead I’m looking at creating a free webinar to explain the program, the coaching model and the way in which I work. Then I want to offer a free coaching call after the webinar – maybe 30 min – for people who are still interested. On this call we will get into their personal goals and whether or not the program is a good fit for them. I think doing this will help build the momentum to them registering, and also build their trust in me. It will also setup their expectations and help them to understand that nature-connection is not a sidebar but a core element of this work. This will help me attract the right clients and also get them in the mindset to start working with nature.
Perhaps after someone enrolls I will send them a video mini-course for starting to develop their nature connection practices before the program begins. I may include some mandala creation exercises as part of this.
I am also looking at when and how to identify core issues within the arc of the program. Is this something I just go straight after in the beginning? Or do we let it emerge through the course of our sessions? The jaguar in me is more interested in letting it emerge, and I think that is ultimately what I’ll do. I’ll program my RAS to be looking and tracking it, but won’t pounce on it until the time is right : )
Ultimately I want to let the natural cycles of nature guide the flow of the courses, and allow the medicine wheel to move us from inception to completion.
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The CORE ISSUE work that we uncovered in the long-term coaching module was a really big revelation for me. It helped me (finally) understand the road blocks I keep seeing my clients come up against. Whether they are coaching clients or website clients, I see so many people struggle, get stuck, and sometimes even walk away from a vision they have. I can tell that something is getting in the way, but often it seems they don’t even understand what is going on or stopping them. Though I want to, I haven’t known how to help in these situations. The partswork was the perfect follow on to this issue for me, because it showed me exactly how I can help someone illuminate what is blocking them, and if they want to, how they can make a change.
I worked with one practice client for ~6 months to help him launch a new business. Our work together was going very well until we hit a block. He couldn’t articulate with specificity who his ideal client is. I kept coming at it from many different directions, but also had the sense that pushing him and telling him he wasn’t there, was going to be detrimental to his confidence and our trust. I got to a point where I had no idea what to do about it. Eventually, I decided to stop trying to get him “there”, and accepted that he believed he was ready to share his vision with others. He took his written copy for his website out into the world for feedback from friends. They gave him the same feedback that I had been dancing around for months – he wasn’t clear on who his audience is. He took this as feedback that he should reconsider what he’s doing. It was a major setback. I encourage him to do some market research and start interviewing people he really wanted to work with to better understand them. This was around the time I had told him our free sessions would end. He wasn’t able to afford to pay me, so the relationship ended.
It dawned on me in the long-term coaching model that it was his core issue that was getting in the way. The issue that came up in our first session was his fear around claiming what he really wants. This, I believe, is his core issue. Looking back, I could see how this was the block with his ideal client. He was afraid to claim who he really wants to work with – at least this is my hunch. If I could do it all over again now, I would invite some partswork to explore what was going on, and what the conflicting parts or beliefs were preventing him from expressing what he really wants.
I can see how important it would be to have a framework for partswork before diving in, and I am even considering whether I might invite my new clients to create their mandala as a first homework assignment.
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I have not had a chance to meet with a practice client since the face to face, so I am going to reflect on some past “long-term” practice clients.
I had two clients who after one free session agreed to do six sessions at a reduced rate ($40/session) for my practice period. Both of them are women in their late 50s/early 60s who were wanting help with their business goals. Both of them struggle with focus, and both of them quit after a few sessions. One person used three of their paid sessions, the other used two.
I found myself frustrated by what felt like pointless meandering in our sessions, and I think for them, they didn’t have a sense of where we were going either. I relied on the philosophy to allow the client to guide each session, and my main focus was practicing the models and tools we’ve been learning.
Now, looking back, I see how valuable it would have been to use the initial session to create a long term plan. Then both myself and the client(s) would know where we were going and I could help guide us towards the big goal and keep our sessions focused. Instead, it seemed to be on the client to bring whatever was “up” to the session, and there wasn’t much continuity or forward movement toward their big (somewhat ambiguous) goal. This also shows me how essential it is to clearly identify long term goals up front with a client.
I had another client who I worked with for many sessions and we made quite a lot of progress together. He had a clear goal: to launch a website for coaching and consulting services. So we worked towards that. Some of his feedback, and one of the challenges that came up, was the question – when are we done? He also wanted a map so that he knew how far along in the process we were, and when he could expect to reach his goal. Even though this relationship was much more fruitful, I see now how much better it would have been to create a timeline, lay out anchor points or benchmarks along the way, and make a clear destination point for when we had reached our goal of working together.
Instead of just creating a container for each session, I see now that long-term coaching requires a much larger container that spans the entire relationship. Opening the relationship, mapping the journey, celebrating success and completion are all essential to creating a powerful container, and I’m excited to start doing this with my future clients.
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SUMMARY POST
Reflecting on this module, I’m also reflecting on my time with EBI and learning to guide. I tend towards simplification in life, and if at all possible like to boil complex experiences down to an easy take away – a way of being, a concept, a feeling. What I take away from this module, and so many of the modules, is to just show up, be present, listen and accept what is. It seems so simple, and yet it’s such a practice for me. This training has provided a wonderful space to practice. It’s helped me let go of my fear around showing up for certain things – trauma, grief, heavy emotions, neediness, expectations. In a somewhat mysterious fashion, I’ve gotten a better grip on my boundaries through this practice. Or maybe having a better grip on my boundaries has helped be feel safe enough to do this. Whichever came first, the chicken or the egg, I am very very grateful for these experiences. I feel both courage and safety to step into meeting someone in their grief, or meeting them with whatever they bring to a session.
Specific to grief, I love the concept of the “well of grief” that Brad mentioned. Part of life is grief, a deep and endless well of it. Through my own life experiences, I am starting to trust its medicine. Grief breaks us open, it expands our capacity to feel, to love, to enjoy life. So, I can trust grief to work it’s magic on my clients too. Grief is medicine, and I don’t need to do anything but witness it doing its work. As Brad and Ivy noticed, being seen is a gift all in itself.
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SUMMARY POST:
Recently I’ve been reflecting on the process of bringing a vision into being. This is a core piece of my life task – to learn how to do it, to do it, and to help others do it too. There are countless webinars out there teaching people to make “$25,000 in one month”. These, in a way, are about bringing a vision to fruition. But when I listen to what these online marketing gurus have to say, it feels like a hustle to me. A chase. Running after money. This just isn’t me, but I can relate to the chase. I’ve been there.
When I was 25 I became Managing Director of a non-profit Institute for Ecological Design. When I came on board, the school was struggling to fill its programs. “Marketing” was their self-proclaimed problem. [Oh god, if I had $20 for every time I heard someone say marketing is their problem…] So… I set out to fix their problem. We created a vision as a staff, we made a plan, and we went after it. Everything was going wonderfully, or so I thought. We launch a new program, filled it to capacity, and then one day the ground fell out. I had been so fixated on the plan that I didn’t realize a key ingredient (the magic of what we were selling) was missing. Instead, the students let me know… by en masse dropping out of our 2-year program after the first semester. Yikes!
Around this time I started developing chronic/mysterious health issues and decided I needed to step away from working at the Institute. As things got worse with my health, I also became less and less satisfied with my life. I loved being a Managing Director. I loved facilitating a team. I loved teaching. I loved helping the students create a community each semester. I loved being the one they came to when they were struggling. It filled so many of my needs, and also gave me a sense of purpose every day. I woke up excited to continue moving towards realizing our vision. Without that, I felt lost.
Amidst this dark period, it was time for me to finish up my 2-year shamanic studies program. Our last task was a three night solo-walkabout on the land. We were to spend the days moving about, and pick a new site each night to camp. This was new… usually we did our solos in one space without moving. But it was time for us to step into more power, and put the skills we had learned into action.
Oh my god, it was a STRUGGLE for me. I felt lost, just like I was feeling in my life. I couldn’t make decisions, I didn’t know where to go. Even the littlest step was filled with doubt. All I wanted was to feel joy, and all I felt was a swirling cocktail of shittiness. Finally on the last morning, just before it was time to walk back to our group camp, I broke down. I cried and I prayed with such conviction. I surrendered my work to the land, to Spirit. I prayed out loud. I give up. I give it to you. I will meet you half way, but you have to show me the way. I don’t know anymore. I surrender.
A month or so later I started what would become a business that has supported me for the last 5 years. I had no idea that was what was happening at the time. I just said yes to what showed up. And that is how my business has evolved. I haven’t marketed. I’ve surrendered. I’ve allowed spirit to lead the way, and I show up half way. I meet spirit in the middle.
I am sharing this because surrender has been a big lesson for me in life, and also in this module. The mind can be a chaser or a tracker. It can fixate, or it can listen. As I reflect on my own experiences in life, I get myself into trouble when I fixate and chase. And when I go about creating from this space, what I bring into reality doesn’t end up being what I really want. As a coach and a guide, my role is to help my client bring their vision into reality. To do this, I have to surrender. To do this, I have to also hold space for them to surrender.
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Grief is not something that comes up in an average coaching session for me, as most of my work focuses on helping people create businesses. Not to say that grief may not be part of this process, it’s just generally not something we unpack unless it’s really up and necessary. But as it were, I had a kind of serendipitous and impromptu session with a friend/sub-contractor that included both grief and business coaching… perfect to reflect on for this module!
I spoke about this person in the brain and change discussion. She recently found out that her husband has stage 3 cancer that had spread to his heart and was inoperable due to it’s location on the central artery. Suddenly her life turned upside down and she was faced with the possibility of losing her husband and becoming a single mom of two, without any income. And then there is also the possibility that he will survive and thrive for many years to come. But no matter what, their life as they knew it has changed. Everything is re-oriented towards treatment, planning, recovery, and a renewed sense of valuing their time together as a family.
She had emailed me letting me know this was going on, and we have a strong enough rapport that by the time we connected by phone she seemed very comfortable to just open up about where she was in her process. To my surprise she was in a very “get it done” mentality, and some of the shock and despair that had come through in our email communications had shifted into action. Her main focus now was on creating a fundraising page and creating a plan for how her family was going to get through the next 4 months financially. So… we talked about this, and she seemed very grateful at the end to be able to talk through it so frankly. I gave her some tips on fundraising, and was completely neutral and “business-y” about her GoFundMe page for her family. I think she was actually happy to be able to have a regular conversation about the practical aspects of how they were going to raise enough money for the treatment and cover their expenses while her husband is out of work.
I think had I not gone through the grief module, I may have had a preconceived idea of how our conversation should have gone, or maybe a judgement about us not spending so much time on the emotional aspects. But the grief module really helped me get that it’s totally unknown territory and people are going to go through it in their own way, ant their own time. It’s not a linear process, and you really never know what you’re gonna get. She seemed to be in some level of acceptance when we spoke and so I honored that and operated from that place with her. This is the big take away for me in the grief module – have no expectations, meet them where they are, and get curious about what they need from that place.
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As I reflect back on the face-to-face, the one thing that stands out to me the most was the exercise of locating a deer through meditation, and then walking on the land to find its tracks in the snow.
This experience gave me a tangible experience of the concepts we’ve been learning about neuroscience and how the brain works. It showed me how setting an intention works, and that surrendering to the brain’s ability to connect with and locate all information in the universe is an extremely powerful method.
Professionally this knowledge is a very empowering as it helps me to trust in the process and know that if I can guide my clients toward intention and surrender, they can locate and move towards whatever it is they are seeking, whether it is in the session, in the threshold, or in their larger life goals.
I found more than anything that this helped me with my coaching presence in my practice session, and also with a friend I was supporting.
My practice client is someone I’ve been working with for about 6 months and has been very motivated and making big strides forward, until recently. We have been working on developing his business vision, outlining his mission and services and clearly defining who he wants to serve. He hit a wall when he started sending his web content out into the world for feedback. His respected colleagues pushed back against the language he was using, and told him that his target audience wasn’t clear.
This was great for three reasons – one, because I had been trying to tell him that but it wasn’t getting through, and two, because he has such a strong intention to share his medicine, and his brain has guided him to the feedback/information he needs to do that and three, because it motivated him to start getting into market research, which I believed he needed to do, but had been in resistance to until this point. In this case it was ‘negative’ feedback, but I believe this is just part of the process. We have to hit the edges to know when we’re going off track.
As a guide I could have gotten lost in self-deprecation – oh, I didn’t prepare him well enough and now he is getting roughed up by the world. But no, this is exactly what he needs! And the way I know that is that this is where his process is leading him. Something about the brain and change 2 helped me tap into a really deep trust in the process, and the brain’s ability to guide itself to the information it needs.
So because of this I was able to hold a steady container and actually frame it as a really good thing, which initially shocked him. But he later thanked me for saying “Great!” when he had shared his “bad” news with me.
The same thing happened with a friend whose husband just got diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. They were praying for clarity on what the right course of treatment would be. I shared with her the idea that if they set their intention to locating the information they need to make the decision, and surrender to the process, that their brain would lead them to the information. It also helped me move into a field of complete trust that they would find what they’re looking for (instead of going down the shitter of fear and anxiety around their situation). I believe that holding this field of complete trust is one of the most supportive things I can do for them at this time. And whether or not I had anything to do with it, they got tons of supportive information and were able to make a decision with confidence a few days later.
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SUMMARY POST
I had a recent personal experience with trauma release that started in the Fall at our Face-to-Face for Gestalt/Partswork. The initial release was activated by an unplanned coaching session I had one evening with Carrie, in which she helped me recall a past traumatic experience that was still unconsciously impacting my life. With this memory she guided me to become aware of what was happening in my body and where I was holding the trauma. As I brought my attention to where I was holding the trauma, I felt an untwisting happening at the base of my spine… like a knot beginning to unravel.
An energy release came with this unraveling and the next day I felt very alive and agile – at this point, the energy seemed to have moved about halfway up my spine and settled around my third chakra. The following day, I was miserable. The energy had moved all the way to my head and resulted in an excruciating headache. The pain itself was so severe that it became altering, and I began to journey further into the trauma. I relived past memories and uncovered preceding traumatic experiences that had planted the seeds for the more recent one to happen. I came to see that my headache was a physical manifestation of unacknowledged psychological abuse I’d experienced as a child and teen.
The pain resolved within two days, but what unraveled from there has been an enormous amount of movement and change in my life. I can see now that it has all been connected to this initial experience.
Six months later, I am able to see the bigger picture more clearly. I am able to think back on these traumatic experiences with neutrality and compassion. I feel a deep sense of forgiveness and understanding that the abuse I experienced came from wounded people, acting from their own trauma. It’s only now that I feel this trauma I’ve been holding is coming to resolution. And still, I sense there is more integration to come.
I bring all of this up because I think as a guide it’s important to understand that something as big as trauma resolution doesn’t happen in one session, or over a few week period. It takes time. And although it’s not my role to show up as a trauma therapist, I do think that I have the capacity as a guide to be aware of and track someone’s trauma (and hopefully their trauma resolution), and to see it in a bigger landscape of their life path. I think it’s essential to understand that resolving trauma is also likely to lead to massive changes in someone’s life.
I also want to acknowledge how supported I was through this process- by my own inner resources as well as external support of peers, guides and healers. In my case, I was ready and Carrie’s questions helped me open a door. That said, the journey challenged me in ways I could have never imagined. It took me to my edges and even beyond. With this in minde, I would not want to ask an unraveling question to a client who does not have the resources to embark on this sort of journey with success. I think there is an essential step and responsibility as a guide to assess how resourced a client is before inviting them down the rabbit hole.
I think I will leave it at that for now. Thank you all for offering me space to share. It is greatly useful to me to reflect on my own experiences, and to call in my experience and let it be a teacher to me in this journey of learning to guide.
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Hi Brad,
You know I love the Wild Mind model. This is the way I was first introduced to parts work as well. It’s played a big role in helping me to see myself, my underdeveloped and overdeveloped parts, and choose/reassign parts that aren’t functioning in the way I want them to. I really like the piece around using the archetypal mature parts to hold the container or lead the way for the less mature parts. And the insight that when the wounded parts of one side of the wheel are acting out, to cultivate the part on the opposite side of the wheel. So for example, I have found it so beneficial when my wounded child (victim/orphan) of the South is activated, I call on my mature North part (nurturing elder) to hold space for the wounded child. This has been one of the most effective tools I’ve found for helping my wounded child calm down and feel safe again.
I like the way you are suggesting to allow people to connect with the part/parts of themselves that fit into the archetypal energies of each direction. I think that is a nice marriage of the partswork model, while also bringing in the wisdom of the medicine wheel and four directions, and some of the patterns that seem to appear over and over again within the human psyche.
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Hi Brad,
I really appreciate the way you’ve imagined a long-term relationship. I am struck by the spaciousness of the first portion, which I love. I love creating space and room to build the nature-connection, which will then become the foundation of the rest of the relationship. I have been contemplating this as well, and how to create room to create this connection if someone doesn’t already have this going in their life. I’ve thought about creating an introductory video course that provides foundational tools to every client before we start working together. Or maybe it could be a free video course that comes with a long-term package. Or a free series I give to prospective clients to help them determine whether we are a good fit. Lots of ideas to ponder… thank you for the inspiration to revisit this.
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Elizabeth,
This is such a great inquiry and one I was discussing with a friend recently – how do I get clients out on the land when most of my clients are long distance, and most of my sessions are over phone/video?
I think it’s an essential piece of the empowerment, and as you say, supporting our clients to become self-reliant in the long term. I have started asking my clients to design their own rituals or wanders, and I am wanting to continue integrating this to the point that every session ends with a “wander” of sorts. By this I mean that the client continues listening and exploring in their time between our sessions. How they do this is up to them, however it’s important to me that we get clear on what their wander will be before the end of the session. One of the tools I use is a simple explanation of what a ritual or ceremony or wander is (if they don’t already know). My favorite explanation is that it’s an intentional exercise with a beginning, middle and end. It’s almost childlike and innocent to make this sort of thing so simple, but it’s the best definition I’ve found. Anything can become sacred from this perspective.
I know some guiding and therapeutic models are more based on assigning tasks to the client between sessions – I have received this type of coaching myself. And what I’ve observed is that I never really did the exercise as it’s assigned to me. Instead I do what I want to do, and what’s most meaningful to me. I think maybe Brad is speaking to this in his response – it’s amazing what we already know about what we need. If just invited to dream up a ritual, I find that so far, all of my clients know what they want to do, even if they have no previous experience with this sort of thing.
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Hi Brad, I like your summary list of reminders about grief that you listed before the session. In particular, what a good reminder that dealing with someone in grief may not follow our coaching paradigm. It is such a good thing, in my view, to accept that sometimes, all bets are off – we can hold the container for the severance, threshold, incorporation – and sometimes it may be something else that’s called for. Maybe you just hang out in the grief (issue) the whole time. Maybe bringing the issue to light is what’s needed for that session. Maybe the need is just companionship and a good conversation. I’m curious if you had a sense of navigating the session in any sort of order. Did the map that we work with apply here? Were there times you had to let it go?
I also want to mention that I really appreciate the way you describe your sessions. I feel like I’m there and I get to witness the session like a fishbowl. Very inspiring!
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Brad, I really appreciate they way you have described tracking your client’s response and unraveling the (unhealthy?) thought patterns that have been leading to an undesirable experience. I am someone who gravitates much more to the emotional/energetic centers in coaching sessions and this is a wonderful reminder to me to unpack belief systems and reprogram the mind for a new experience. THANK YOU!
I am curious if your own experience with your son played into this session. Were you aware of any moments where it could have interfered or projections may have emerged? Or on the other hand, did you have a sense that your own experience supporting a child through addiction was a benefit, and helped you show up as a coach in some way you may not otherwise have been able to?
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Hi Elizabeth,
I really appreciate what you are bringing up about experiments… and the general nature of experiments is sometimes they yield amazing results, and sometimes they utterly fail. It’s just the nature of the game. I love the idea of being totally OK with that, and just giving an idea a try. This seems particularly useful with clients who might seem stuck, but I can also see how it’s a good energy to bring to any session. To embody an energy of willingness to experiment requires me to remember that I’m not the expert, I’m just a helper… it helps me embody a more playful humility, which feels good.
“Hey, here’s an idea… what do you think?” Even if it’s a NO, I sense that trying something moves things in some way.
I also appreciate what you bring up around the gentleness and sensitivity you bring to each client, and sensing which ones can tolerate and even enjoy tough questions… while others might need understanding and listening. It is another good reminder for me to drop my agenda. Some people are not ready to dive to the bottom of the well, and trying to get them to go there before they are ready could be very detrimental to their process and your relationship.
Thank you for all you shared here.
Megan