[Nick Galluzzo]

Greif
8/1/18
Summary Post

Throughout the grief unit, I wasn’t sure how I would interact with it being that my coaching presence is less so working with individuals on their own, but more working with individuals in our organization. What I have come to realize is grief is all over the place, and you simply don’t know when you will run into it. Also, while grief has a general process in which someone works through it, the speed and emotions related to it can be vastly different from one person to the next. Before this unit I was unsure how to deal with grief and how to even be around it, let along support someone with it. In these posts I’m seeing that it can definitely throw you (as the coach) off balance if you start going down that road with your client. Thankfully we have had this unit to give us an idea of what we are working with so we are not so startled or taken off guard. I’m realizing the best thing we can do for someone is just create a space that is safe and comfortable, and let them sit in the grief, process, and do whatever is natural for them in the moment. I’m going to venture that an individual likely will not create this space for themselves, as they are swirling around in the world and unsure what move to take next. As coaches we can create this container, and just be with them. To me, creating this for them is a huge first step in processing the grief and working towards integrating it (not closure!) in their life.

[Nick Galluzzo]

Brain 2
8/1/18
Summary Post

What I am taking away from this module is the concept that our brain is constantly looking for a better way to do things (efficiency) and seeking a way to do so. Our mind can either help or hurt this cause too, so we need to be careful what we want to “program”. Fox example, someone struggling with depression or another issue could have multiple ways to “repair” this. The brain is likely going to be seeking change because it does not want to be in this state forever. A negative way the brain could search for change would be drugs/alcohol/etc. A positive way might be mediation/nature/etc. My point in this is we have the ability to “program” this change in our brain, and need to make sure we are putting the right things in front of the brain because at the end of the day, it will seek change whether we like it or not.

Additionally, I am also taking away that my coaching presence is fluid and always moving. I feel this is similar to Megan’s three day solo where she was moving around constantly, because I’m constantly moving around (the organization) on a daily basis and may not be stopped, sitting, ready and waiting to start coaching. It’s a skill to drop into coaching in the moment, and one I look to perfect.

[Nick Galluzzo]

Trauma
7/31/18
Summary Post

After reading all of the posts, it appears everyone is stumbling into trauma with their clients whether they intended to or not. To go back to Michelle’s quote, “I understand as a coach it is not our job to drag out others traumatic experiences but it is our job to notice when there is something in our clients way, something blocking them from growing and moving forward”. I think this is spot on because a client may be stuck for whatever reason and had we not learned about trauma in this unit, it could have been a mystery for us as a coach! Additionally, rehashing the trauma would likely not be helpful at all – it could potentially make things worse. Thankfully we now have tools to spot the trauma, and to help in working through it. I say help because it may not be possible for us to “solve” it, it may take coaching work as well as therapy depending on the trauma, but at lease we can do more than just spot it. My biggest takeaway still is the analogy of the deer “completing the cycle” of trauma. Trauma needs to be processed and expelled out the body, or it can show up and have a negative impact. Trauma is a natural part of the world, and there is a natural way to work past it.

[Nick Galluzzo]

Brain/Change 1
7/31/18
Summary Post

In summary, I’m learning that I can only move at the “speed of change”, and the kicker is that speed is different for everybody. In my original post I mentioned some frustration because I felt some struggle in trying to bring awareness to someone because I was trying to force some change in behavior. What I’ve learned in reading these posts is that until the client moves through the stages of change on their own, there won’t be any “change”. So, as a result it is my job as a coach to help bring these blinds spots into light for my client, but until they move into a contemplation stage and recognize that change is needed, no real progress will be made. While this might be hard to swallow, I accept that is is OK. I like the quote from Changing for Good, so I’ll use it again – “They lack information about their problem, and they intend to maintain ignorant bliss at all costs.” I see now it is not my role to “force” change, but help them move through the process of change at whatever speed is desired. And additionally, I accept that a client may not fully move through the process and change may not occur at all. That’s OK too.

[Nick Galluzzo]

Partswork
7/31/18
Summary Post

I found it great to hear how everyone was weaving partswork into their coaching sessions. Each person had a unique way of doing so, but also faced similar challenges. I really like the process Mandy used of having their client find objects that best represented their parts, as each object can spin into an entire conversation about why is best represents a certain part. It’s such a good way to engage the client and get them thinking deeply about their parts. Also as Hannah eluded to, everyone seems to be finding their groove in using parts work and trusting the process. I found myself at a simliar crossroads where I probably wanted to force the work into happening before it was naturally ready to. Our job as coaches is to help someone see something they might not have otherwise, but we need to remember that it can only go at the pace in which the client is ready. Often times I’ve found is is “slower” than would be my natural pace, but thats OK.

[Nick Galluzzo]

Megan,

I think your summary says it best “This is the big take away for me in the grief module – have no expectations, meet them where they are, and get curious about what they need from that place.”. I too share a more “business” approach with my clients, and I don’t intend to specifically work with those who are grieving. However, there are many faces in our organization wherever they are staff, vendors, clients etc and they have lives of their own and it only increases the exposure to grief. Just today I found out we had a vendor lose his wife over the weekend to breast cancer. I had no idea, and now this individual is heading down a road where grief will be present. If the only thing we can do is listen and be there for this person, then that’s what we should do as coaches. In summary, I agree with your assertion that we need to meet them where they are and help with what they need.

Thanks!

[Nick Galluzzo]

Brad,

It sounds like you did a great job creating the space for your client and listening. I agree with you when you said “dealing with someone in grief may not follow our coaching paradigm. It is such a good thing, in my view, to accept that sometimes, all bets are off – we can hold the container for the severance, threshold, incorporation – and sometimes it may be something else that’s called for.” It would appear that is exactly what your client needed – space to be with grief. A lot occurred to this individual in a short period of time and I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to cope with. I feel that you gave your client so much by just being present and listening and reflecting. Great job!

[Nick Galluzzo]

Megan,

I like that you are trusting the process and letting the client ” roughed up by the world”! I too find myself wanting to “fix” or “show” someone how something is supposed to work. But in the end, that person is going to do what they want to do anyway, and instead of looking at that as a failure on the coaches part I like how you stick to the course and let the process happen. In my post I mentioned that until there is a true need for the client to change, action will likely not happen. I believe you are saying the same – the client needs to be out in the world and experience it, and perhaps they discover a need for change on their own. That is when the change will actually happen. It has to be their idea, not anyone elses.

I also like how you discuss “the brain’s ability to guide itself to the information it needs.” I couldn’t agree more. Once the brain sees a need for change, it will start scanning and start finding things to adopt that change.

Thanks!

[Nick Galluzzo]

Brad,

It sounds like you were able to pick up on a series of habitual habits and bring them into the light for your client. This is great awareness for your client, as it sounds like his actions were completely on autopilot and yet it was at the expense of his true need (worthy of happiness in his life and relationships). When you asked him what he can do and he said, “intentionally recognizing consciously the fear response, practicing three deep breaths to arrest the automatic response…..” I felt that you nailed it. Your client now has a tool to help them become aware of the automatic response and take a different action. Thanks!

[Nick Galluzzo]

Hi Elizabeth,

I agree with you – it’s probably impossible to escape some form of trauma in our lives, and we will definitely be exposed to trauma from those around us. I shared the same thought towards trauma before this intensive as you did, that being I also felt ill-equiped to handle it thinking a therapist was needed. I wasn’t even sure how to be around it, let alone work with someone who is experiencing it. Now that we have gone through this session, I agree with your later comment, “If I can guide them into focusing on what’s right or what is working to a greater degree, perhaps more tangible, future-focused goals will emerge.”. This feels spot on. Trauma feels so dark and mysterious, but by gently guiding towards what is working it could potentially pull the client out of the “fuzz” they are in and help in starting to develop a plan to get past it. Thanks!

[Nick Galluzzo]

Hi Michelle,

I really like that quote you used – “Your wound is probably not your fault, But your healing is your responsibility.” I think it sums up trauma pretty well and our role as coaches. I agree with you that it’s unfortunate that trauma can enter our bodies and never leave. I wasn’t aware of this and the issues it can cause if not tended to properly. The good news is that as coaches we are in a unique opportunity to not only spot it, but to take steps towards helping a client do something about it. That’s why I like your quote – it may not be their fault, but it is their responsibility to release the trauma and we can help. Thanks!

[Nick Galluzzo]

Hi Elizabeth,

I enjoyed hearing about your growth as a coach! You seem to have an awareness of the line between coaching and therapy, as you described your experience “Before this, I was feeling desperate to help her. Now, I can imagine ways to gently urge her to explore, rather than driving for a solution.” How awesome!

I myself tend to want to “fix” things, but am also learning that it takes patience to just let the client “connect the dots” for themselves. As I mentioned in my own post, I struggle with a client because I can “see” something yet my client does not “see” it in their own eyes. I’m still learning how I can keep nudging this observation and keep putting it in front of them, but have realized it will take time for it to “click”. It won’t be powerful until the client sees it for themself, and the time it takes to get there is OK.

[Nick Galluzzo]

Megan,

How great it was that you were able to dianosge where in the process your client was! In your words, ” It was so clear – He’s in contemplation! He knows there’s an issue but he doesn’t know what he wants yet, and so he can’t yet see where he’s going or what he needs to do to get there.” You go on to explain you normally would have taken on that as “failure” of sorts on your role as a coach, and I’m so glad you did not. I think it’s also important to let the client know that this is a normal part of the process, too. If a client can’t make a decision about something, they could internalize it and see it as a flaw when in fact by normalizing it with them, it might help them work through it. I see that the power in this post is now that you were clearly aware of what stage your client was in, now you can go to work on establishing the “want”. It sounds like that could take some time over several sessions. Thanks!

[Nick Galluzzo]

Hannah,

I enjoyed reading about your experience of using partswork with your client. It sounds like you had great awareness of the coaching role you were playing as you stated “I’m feeling like I’m morphing into a quiet and attentive tree in the woods who my clients can lean on, feel supported by, and be who they are without much obvious influence from me.”

I really like that quote! I have also noticed myself struggle with wanting to “do more” or trying to influence what happens. After reading this, I agree with you in that the more I let go as a coach, the more the client opens up and the more powerful a session becomes. It goes back to just letting the client be in control – wherever that takes us. Thanks!

[Nick Galluzzo]

Mandy,

I really like how you had your client pick objects that represented their parts. I agree, it is fascinating to see what they pick and their reasoning why. It sounds like it was a great way to get into “flow” during the session and let all the parts come out and unfold however it may. During the course of EBI I’ve really learned and enjoyed how nature finds a way to display itself. In my own partswork, it’s amazing how an object can so perfectly represent a part of myself, and it sounds like this was the case with your client too.

I think having clients project their parts onto nature is a wonderful way to use parts work. Nature will never steer them wrong, they will always find their parts out there somewhere!