[Kimberly Beck]

July 29th, 2019; Genesee Park, Evergreen. 10:00am. 80 degrees, blue sky, calm air. This day I meet with ‘Tom’ whom has been a ‘Rewilding’ client on and off for almost 2 years. We had not met in months when he recently contacted me asking for an outdoor session. Standing in a wooded picnic area, we began transitioning out of our domesticated minds by observing, listening to and feeling the surrounding environment. Once settled a bit he began a thoughtful investigation into why he wants to resume our rewilding sessions. As I listened and reflected, I was aware of listening for his ‘need’ and what was driving him to live a more nature-integrated life. In the dialogue it seemed he was attempting to come up with a question to ask me regarding how he could blend nature into his compartmentalized daily living. I encouraged him to form a strong question in his own words, which he took some time to do. Then, I set him up for a wander so he may ask his thoughtful question to the visible life and invisible forces surrounding him. We discussed the role a conscious question has in being able to recognize answers when they present themselves.
Without engaging his intellect too much, I described what wandering is, various ways of wandering and offered some guidelines. I encouraged him to slowly turn his body 360 degrees around and sense the direction he feels a pull toward. I also offered him an experiment of holding his arms and hands out as an antenna for increasing sensitivity of presence or pull. Then he was on his way. While he was wandering I maintained a sense of him and a prayerful presence. He returned about 30 minutes later and we informally processed his experience with the sacred questions. He seemed strengthened and confident in his ability to tune into his body for direction, and when and where to pause. Tom walked me through stages of his observations and teachings, somewhat surprised at how his receptivity in nature offered insights or messages about ordinary life challenges – such as with money and finances. There were a number of such downloads he received, and yet he summed them up into: Show up (in nature), Slow down, Be receptive, and Trust what I’m given. We further discussed realistic and behavioral ways of implementing some of his insights as well as the societal biases and personal ‘snapbacks’ that may keep him from integrating the rhythms of nature into his life. It was both an embodied and thought-provoking few hours, of which we will continue next week in another session.
I am learning in such sessions how the process and stages of ‘ceremony’ come quite naturally and hold an easy flow. I am learning how to lead by following the client. Thus far that occurs through deep listening, choosing what and how to reflect their explicit content and implicit messages, and following a process whereby they acquire grounding and insights through their own body and nature. This part of leading by following feels difficult to articulate, and I want to play with that more.

[Kimberly Beck]

July 18, 2019, 8:30am; Corwina Park in Evergreen was the location of the outing I will refer to in this reflection. I facilitated a Relational Rewilding (my business) hike for 8 mental health practitioners from the Denver area. The deep listening for this day began about 4 weeks ago when asked to guide this group. The day was a combination of retreat and reflection of their work in the school district. Typically, this day consists of them being in a conference room with lunch served while discussing their work. Luckily they have a new coordinator that truly wanted to provide a retreat and connective opportunity for them all.

The initial invite proposed to them was to drop their professional identity of themselves and one another, and to begin inhabiting their living, breathing, animal body walking in and on living, breathing, animate land. We slowly and quietly walked into the park, about 20 minutes in, and sat under a stand of Ponderosa Pines. There we did our ‘ecological introductions’. To begin explaining this I spoke as a Ponderosa introducing himself – sharing what nourishes, stabilizes, feeds, and protects him. Others followed sharing similar qualities of themselves. After, questions were arising about the pine resin, its scent, its purpose. We discussed what pine resin (or pitch) is, the volatile oil components of the material, and its function which is largely to protect the tree from insect invasions, fungus, pathogens… Further questions arose about the protective properties of herbaceous plants as well as trees. I began to weave in a parallel discussion about humans protective strategies – our own and our clients. A theme was born. As we meandered, a diversity of plants continued to show themselves and their protective features. Some of them more obvious than others. The bristles on raspberry, the thorns on gooseberry, the waxy leaves of penstemon, the bitter tannins in wild geranium, the alkaloids in poison hemlock, the red sap that runs through aspen… Scattered perfectly along our trail were such a variety of protective mechanisms – all in their beautiful and functional expressions. Conversations continued about the diversity of their clients protective strategies, the gifts they bring, the judgements they engender, and the chronic disconnection they can cause when used as a life strategy rather than a protective strategy. Each one of us was listening deeply to one another, to the words spoken and to the difficulties experienced as practitioners. Yes, nature participated, and I suppose you can say there was synchronicity. There was a healthy, organic, dynamic flow between sensory engagement, metaphorical reflections, laughter, chit chat and quiet. The level of contact everyone made with one another and with the environment increased in quality and quantity as the day went on. Though I was listening and creating openings for engagement based on what I was sensing from individuals and the group, it seemed more like the land around us was listening to what this group needed and wanted today. Grateful.

[Kimberly Beck]

Wander: July 10, 2019 5:05pm; Blue, still sky, 75 degrees, Lookout Mountain, Golden. Out the front door and headed east toward the douglas fir forest. I paused for a minute about 20 feet shy of the entrance, just noticing the exquisite beauty at this place and time. Wrens, a robin, and juncos surrounded the entrance and I was drawn to interact with the robin. The robin had initially raised from ground level to a low branch as I approached, then after a minute he lowered back down to the ground, scavenging again. I felt called to follow and each of my gentle steps pushed him to hop a foot ahead. He remained on the ground and we maintained a zone between us of about 15 feet. We took a walk, aware of one another, not bothered by each other, and remained at respectful distance. He turned south and slowly hopped up the hill through the forest floor covered in harebells, arnica, Oregon grape, firs, grasses, and penstemons. I followed him, slowly and respectfully for about 20 minutes, with curiosity and joy.
Then suddenly something inside said ‘take your shoes off now and walk back down’. I bid farewell to Robin, took my shoes off and let my tender feet walk down the hill – feeling each needle, cone, plant and elk poop underfoot. While I typically enjoy going barefoot on dirt, sand and grass, I do not walk barefoot in a pine and fir forest. My senses sharply turned from vision to skin, and my awareness contracted from broad circles surrounding me to just underfoot (and immediately ahead). As I fox-walked my way down, sounds such as ‘ouch’ and ‘oooo!’ fell out of my mouth. From a slightly deeper place within I heard ‘you need to toughen up a bit, girl’. This resonated with me. On many levels. I vowed to begin walking barefoot in the forest at least 3 times a week – and would like to use this time to literally build some more strength in my feet and on my skin, and to reflect metaphorically on where and how I need to ‘toughen up’.
Nature participated in this whole process through the weather, the birds, the trees and plants, the relational awareness between myself and the robin, my senses, the shifts in my senses, and through the internal voice I followed. I temporarily felt a part of that environment instead of a visitor – which is the truth of the matter anyway.
I work with clients outdoors and have done wanderings in a few forms though I don’t work with this practice enough with clients or myself. It builds my (and their) listening skills, internally and externally, which then naturally shifts my vibe/presence. In a time when the default is to seek answers outside of ourselves and to place responsibility for our lives on external systems and organizations, this simple practice is an opening to begin following our own answers.

[Kimberly Beck]

Raw input data

In practicing Objective Awareness in sit spot and in communication with others, overall I find one more enjoyable and the other more fascinating. This practice at sit spots feels amazing and I feel so much larger and more integrated than my personal self typically feels. I enjoy this expansive feeling, seeming to be a greater part of the sensuous environment. Hearing, feeling, seeing, smelling more than my tunnel-vision self allows. It promoted my ability to be aware of and in relationship with the birds, wind, chill, movement of things, insects, plants…

Objective awareness in ordinary conversation with others is fascinating. I am at a family reunion for over a week in Kentucky. Constantly surrounded by 26 people with vibrant personalities, I thought this seemed like a good opportunity to practice awareness. Here in the mid-West is also where I fell in love with and learned about plants and ecology so returning here after so many years is invigorating to my heart! And still, Difficult would be the first word I use to describe the experience. Receiving and participating in sarcasm, memories, multiple family dynamics, laughter, games, and sometimes drinking makes feeling my skin and focusing on 360 listening a challenge. Overstimulation occurs. I am generally overstimulated with family prior to the extra sensory awareness- but this just seemed like an interesting experiment.

I have done this 3 times with the family. What I noticed was voices, so many of them talking over one another. I noticed loud laughter – much of it pleasing to my heart, and also some at the expense of another. I noticed what was happening outdoors while connecting with others indoors. I noticed unfamiliar and far bird sounds more frequently. I noticed the wind blowing in the tops of trees but not below. I noticed the Ability to listen to my brother speak while being inwardly excited about the sweetgum tree standing behind him. And I noticed no one else noticing. Also, each time I engaged in this way, greater ease came. It was like working a muscle, with a bit more strength each time.

So far what this tells me is that my capacity for what I pay attention to is much greater than I think. This tells me I can, with intention and focus, notice and respond to my own sensations and reactions, and that I can multi-task, in a way. It seemed overwhelming, but practicing multiple times showed the beginning of a trend toward perceiving more information versus stimulation.

[Kimberly Beck]

To me, nature connection is the innate and primal bond between people and the more-than-human world that satisfies deep belonging. It is getting off a plane on a different continent and excitedly greeting the familiar relatives of plants I know back home. It is hearing the juncos and robins mild alarms outside my window on a winter morning while making coffee and going outside to eventually find the origin of their distress – a hunting fox. It is the smell of midwestern dirt that makes me cry with deep memories of young solitude in the woods. I do NOT consider nature connection a hobby or a personal interest, as sleep and water are not personal interests. And while purposeful ‘activities’ and outings support my relationship and connection with nature, I am most fulfilled when awareness, dialogue, curiosity and reciprocity is an ongoing engagement. When this is occurring, a deep longing for belonging is satisfied within.
Nature connection is important to me because in my bones I know that we are designed – physically, sensually, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually – for an expansive network of relationships with humans, animals and the land. Simply, it seems unnatural for me to not make time for all these relations. Staying connected keeps me more grounded, kind, happy, vital and productive – and I love to feel this way! Nature connection is also important because my life has been dedicated to this process. My studies (formal and informal), my work for the past 23 years, my current Rewilding business, my identity… has been about fostering such meaningful and biological relationships.
It is ideal for all the above to be consistent and easy… but inevitably there are challenges. I would say the greatest personal challenges I experience in regard to maintaining my connection are attention deficits. I am like a hummingbird zipping around, like a crow attracted to new shiny things. I want to do my regular sit spot but need to clean the barn area (have horses). I want to visit that land I have been missing for a year, yet on the way out the door I start a random project and never arrive. I want to sketch in my nature journal, but I can’t pull myself from cleaning dishes. Ug. Being still or grounded or fully aware can be difficult while in civilization – and it impacts all my relations, my learning, my writing and goal achievement. This story is as old as me, and yet growing up the only thing that helped me settle and focus was time in nature. Luckily most of my time was spent outdoors exploring and talking with animals.
As an adult, I came to realize the difference between current day and childhood is that I am now in control of my schedule and actions, whereas as a kid I was kicked out of the house to go outside or taken boating and camping with the family. The container of being in a tribe versus operating as an individual helped to support my nature connection – even though that was not my family’s objective. This is part of the reason I am here with you all – because together this is our objective and intention. The challenge of attention deficits is not constant, it is just a strong value to continue my personal awareness and intention to grow through my challenges and to deepen relationships.
I would also add, ironically, a strength in my relationship with nature is that I more fluidly weave engagement, observation and dialogue with beings through my daily life and tasks. Over the years my sensitivities have grown, my knowledge of place is deeper, and I better tune-in with the nuthatches feeding their young, the fox on the periphery of our property, the spring flower transitions and the clouds… all while I flutter about busily. Also, when doing a sit spot or hike or bird sit… I am there. I am not thinking about past or future. This comes easy to me in natural places, and I am grateful.

[Kimberly Beck]

Hi Everyone!
Not sure if I missed a link to begin the video of the course. Are you all in it now? I think i have the right date. 😉

Kimberly

[Kimberly Beck]

I love this, and your witnessing of her ‘pull’ and energetic shifts. How special this must have been to do with your sister.

[Kimberly Beck]

Thanks, David. Just saw this. I really enjoyed reading about your experience with the fledgling. I actually thought of you as I followed the robin in this wander. I so love them and count on them daily to share about the environment. They never fail. Have a great evening!

[Kimberly Beck]

I hear you Rhonda. I struggled a bit too.

[Kimberly Beck]

Thank you for sharing your story. Amazing how nature held and helped change your experience in the face of such loss. Relationship with nature truly is the great healer and perception shifter!

[Kimberly Beck]

I got kicked out too. How lucky we are!!! Thank you!

[Kimberly Beck]

I appreciate your beautiful talk and curiosity of trees! And I soooo understand the challenge winter brings – especially in experiencing depression. I do too. I’m so solar powered and live on a shady north-facing slope that never sees the sun in winter. Hawaii year-round does sound amazing, and can’t fathom being serenaded by whale song in your swims!! What a blessing!