[therese.barber]

What is nature connection to me?
In 2011 I spent 6 months living in the deserts of Australia. I travel by 4wd over 25,000km, 18,000 of them were off road. My life condensed to 3 tee shirts, a pair of denim shorts, a tent, a mattress and a small box containing 2 forks, 2 spoons, 2 plates, 2 wine glasses, a cutting board and a chief’s knife. The vehicle was our life vessel. I needed no more, and I needed no less. When I ran up rocks in the dawn light I was the earth itself. When I plunged into cold waters of a gorge I was renewed. I was delighted and bewildered. Life has never been the same since.

On Friday I flew from New Zealand to Bali for a week’s break. Around half way I looked out the window, down on the red, red earth of central Australia, and my heart broke.

“…In the peacefulness we so often feel [in nature] there is also confusion or profound sadness.
….Many return to a great sense of loss or pain, realising how cruelly we have divided our lives.”

Well, these words in the reading hit home, and enable me to understand the heart ache and disconnect I felt on the flight. I could see the red centre: I could see it, feel it, hear its call, but I was 30,000 feet away. I sat in my seat and sobbed.

My connection to nature is the place I lose myself. My boundaries disappear, I lose my hard edges, I become my senses and become part of something else. Connecting with self, people and the environment around me is inevitable at those times. On reflection, I’ve seen it happen in unlikely places; under a flowering bougainvillea in Sicily, in the crowded streets of Ubud (Bali), and listening to the 1812 overture with 50,000 others under a night sky.

Two weeks ago I would have listed a bunch of logistics as my biggest challenges to connecting with nature; having a job to go to, bad weather on weekends, other commitments… Today I can see my biggest challenge to connection with nature is in fact my perception of where nature starts and stops. When am I in nature? If I walk on the beach then go home, at what point do I leave nature? How do I define this connection? How do I carry it with me?

This process of reflection has dispelled a sorrow today. I am grateful to have the time and space to share this.