[Todd Holcomb]

I really liked the end of this session when Michael had us face the four directions and feel out where we are on that compass, then look to our left and recognize where we have been, the journey we have been on. And then of course, to the right to see where we are going.

Like many here, I am not sure how I am going to get to the next stage of this journey, or how long that will take, but the exercise helped me name the idea that I am in the West. I have one from the South (riddled with all its busy work, successful or otherwise) and I am moving towards the North. I long to be there now, in a place of mastery or completeness. The North is what Robert Moore associates with the King archetype, one in control of his dominion, for better or worse. It’s a fitting opposite to the Warrior of the south. Both are influential and powerful, but while the Warrior is actively testing his strength against the world, building and creating his domain, the King is delegating his activity, resting/being in his domain. That’s the place from which I want to serve others, but to get there, I must complete my own journey through the West, my own descent to soul.

My next step involves starting a new job as a mentor coordinator for Free2Succeed, an Idaho Department of Corrections program. My job will be to connect volunteer mentors with parolees and returning citizens (former inmates returning home from prison). My hope is that this job will help me build the network I need to bring to life the re-entry rite of passage I envision. I hope to connect with community officials who can help me welcome returning citizens home and give them a new beginning as well as with fellow pilgrims on this journey who can be a support and companions.

I am grateful for the tools provided in this course, and to the connections I have been able to make here. Sharing this course with others who are on similar paths is encouraging. I don’t feel so alone, or like I’m wandering off the map somewhere! Thank you to you all. Thank you, Michael and Daniel for orchestrating all this. I’m sorry I missed our last session in person, but Thanksgiving with the family was pretty busy for us.

Until we cross paths again…..

[Todd Holcomb]

Today, I am in a place of waiting. I’m not quite sure if that’s a river or a lake, but I suppose that if the Palm is the Now, then I’m in a lake waiting for the current to take me to the river. I don’t have a clear vision, though I ache for one. I had one, what seems like several lifetimes ago, but everything fell apart. I came to where I live now following a job opportunity and hoping to be guided, but once again it feels like everything has unraveled. Now I’m just treading water.

I have no vision for the future, or any sense of what my path looks like, but I do have a sense of what calls me forward. There is a current, so to speak, that pulls me slowly. Maybe streams of current that weave together to move me.

Rites of Passage is one of those streams. I would like to create experiences that help people define thresholds of change in their lives. I see these as Vision Quests, Discovery Treks, and Pilgrimages. Different experiences to address different needs and stages of life. I would like to create Rites of Passage experiences (or be involved in ones already operating) for youth entering adulthood, adults facing significant changes like divorce, the death of a spouse, the second-half of life, etc, and re-entry for returning citizens coming home from prison.

Nature-connected Soul Work is another stream. I’m not sure if this will be associated with Plotkin’s Animas Valley Institute, but I would like to utilize his Wild Mind material in my own work. I am inspired and intrigued by his 3-D Ego concept and his work with archetypes and life cycles. Bill Plotkin, Carol Pearson, and Robert Moore have all been key teachers for me in this area of archetypes, and I would like to find a practical, useful way to integrate their concepts into my work with others.

Mentoring, or Teaching, is the third stream. If someone asked me what my calling is today, I would say it is to be a man of understanding who knows how to draw out the heart’s purpose like deep waters. Many men in my life have opened doors of opportunity for me, but none have led me through them. It seems to be too much responsibility for anyone to take on, the weight of actually leading a young man forward. I want to be the kind of man who is bold enough and wise enough to lead another man. To be his guide and mentor, to be confident enough to speak into his life, knowing that my words will shape his future and ripple out into the world. I have never met a man who dared to be that powerful, yet I aspire to be so.

I don’t know how these streams will come together moving forward, but I am grateful for this exercise, this chance to reflect on them. It’s like dipping my paddle into the waters to feel out the currents. It reminds me of this little ditty by Barrage:

Barrage – Row
My life seems to be in a very strange place
You can never tell what’s around the bend
There was something I was thinking that hit me in the face
That my mind is spinning again

(Chorus)
Row, row take it with the flow
Always let the water push the boat and let the wind blow
Can’t you row, row with the river to and fro
See the current take you where you may not want to go

Sometimes it feels like you’re going to tip the boat
And the water will never ever keep you all afloat
But it’s times like these that it’s never how it seems
You can really take it easy it’s always in your dreams

(Chorus)

If you wanna resist it, it’ll always persist
It’ll take you to your limits if they truly exist
If you wanna lay back it’ll never attack
It’ll be a little better on your very sore back

(Chorus)

If you trust in the river there is something you will find
It will be a little lighter a little more kind
There is an old secret if you trust in the flow
You don’t have to row, you can even let it go

(Chorus)

[Todd Holcomb]

My morning routine usually involves a cup of coffee in a quiet, dark corner of the house before the kids get up, but as part of this session, I went outside and found a sit spot in the nook of a tree. Our house is in town surrounded by other buildings, and our yard is just open grass with one tree next to the dog kennel. It’s all downright un-inspirational. Still, I was amazed at the sensation of connection I felt when I sat in the dirt with my back against a tree. Even though I was looking through the dog kennel fence to the backside of my house, I was still connected to the earth. My dogs were utterly excited that I was down on their level, too. Up and to the right, the moon rose in the darkening sky, and despite the urban clutter, a smile crept across my face.

I am new to Partswork and Mandalas, but I am not new to reflective work or the spiritual journey. Being in tune with my internal balance and cueing in on the internal dynamics of someone I’m engaged with is a practice I’ve developed over many years, so much of what we are currently discussing feels like a different way to approach familiar topics. I think it will take more time for these practices to take on their own shape, if you will.

The preliminary benefit I can see from using something like the mandala in my work with others is to have a tangible way of measuring that internal balance. That can be a great tool for someone who is not used to doing that. Like Partswork, it names the different elements being measured or tuned into. At least, that’s what I’m getting out of it so far.

[Todd Holcomb]

During our session, Michael talked about the various Parts of us that all show up in any given moment, each with their own motivations and agendas. He asked us, “What are you avoiding with your distractions?” And at the end of the session, he described the 3-D ripple effect of a stone being thrown into a pond.

All of these come together for me at this stage of my journey, as I try to balance progress with daily responsibilities and interferences. In the past, I focused on my vision to the exclusion of the immediate needs of others. In the end, whatever I tried to contribute ended up being rejected because it was not what others needed or wanted. So today, I am trying to learn how to continue developing my own personal growth while being present and relevant to the immediate needs of others around me.

I want to grow in harmony with my personal responsibilities and the needs of others so that my contributions are relevant to those I’m offering them to, not just to myself.

To that end, I am trying to use Partswork to be aware of how I am bringing my whole self to each situation and interaction. Which Part of me interacts mostly with my 9-year old? With my wife? Which Part smiles when my 3-year old rushes over to hug me? Which Part scolds him when he deliberately defies me? Which Part is taking this course? Which Part is dreaming of the future? And Which Part is hiding from it? And what distractions is he using to do so?

I would love to hear how you guys are creating balance in your own lives within this season of growth and envisioning. What challenges do you face? What solutions have you found, or efforts have you made? Is there any way we can support each other as a group?

[Todd Holcomb]

How are you living in alignment with Vision now, and What beliefs, behaviors, and attitudes need to shift or be developed to become more aligned to Vision?

Growing up, I had a vision to impact the world through missions, taking the gospel of Jesus Christ to the ends of the world. It was my calling, and I put that calling before every opportunity and every passion and every relationship, until everything fell apart and I ended up in prison (working, of course).

So today, as I imagine leading rites of passage experiences through vision quests, wilderness treks, and international pilgrimages, I try to hold this new vision with an open hand. It is only a vision, not a promise, not a commission, not a guarantee. Rites of Passage are just one way I might contribute to the meaning of life.

I have ideas about what I’d like to do and how that might be done, but I am also trying to balance those ideas with the realities of what my family needs, for themselves and from me. And that seems right to me. Not certain or promising, just right.

For me, there is one question that is at the forefront of living in alignment with Vision now, and that is, “Are you committed to your own transformation?” I have answered, “Yes,” to this question and now seek ways to be open to my own transformation without trying to manufacture it on my own terms.

Kind of like Michael was talking about before regarding needs versus wants. I’m trying to discern between objectives that I truly need to pursue and those that are merely for personal gain or prestige. I.e.: “It would look so much better if I had an accredited bachelor’s degree while doing this…” Or, “I can only do this if it guarantees so much money per month…” At the core, I think this means trusting that I will be fruitful by becoming the person I want to be, rather than trying to become the person I want to be by being fruitful. After all, it’s the tree that produces the fruit, not the fruit that produces the tree.

Operating within this core belief might look like setting specific goals for key areas of my life, such as Health, Wealth, Relationships, Work, Spirituality, and Education. Again, the focus is not on what I can accomplish in these areas, but rather on developing the habits and characteristics I want to embody in these areas. So, for example, a SMART goal within health might be to obtain a specific weight, but how I go about doing that will determine my relationship to health. Rather than burning out on a crash course fad diet, I will set up a routine that establishes healthy habits as a way of life and that helps me reach my goal weight.

Getting to this point with my goal setting requires a deep understanding of the values that drive my ambitions. For example, one of my values under Wealth is Generosity because it keeps me from the fear that leads to both frivolous spending and hoarding. One of my values for Work is Meaningful, which steers me clear of simply working for a paycheck in some soul-sucking job. These values teach me what goals to set and how to pursue them.

I feel like the key right now is communicating these values with my family, sharing them and understanding them together. In this way, I hope we can plot a path forward together, mutually supportive and mutually growing.

[Todd Holcomb]

Bill Plotkin’s picture of a tree as a representation of Soul at the roots, Ego as the trunk, and Spirit as the branches and leaves helps me think of what it means to be Soul-Directed (and Nature-Connected at that). I like Plotkin’s picture because it’s an attempt at being wholistic, not disregarding any one part for the sake of another, or imagining that perfection is one aspect apart from the others. A tree needs all three parts, roots, trunk, and branches to be whole.

So all that to say that when I think of being Soul-Directed, I think of being “rooted”, but not rooted in the sense of immobile or being stuck; rather, rooted in the sense of knowing where I came from and the greater ecosystem I’m a part of. It’s to be guided by the dark mysteries out of which I sprang, the mysteries that give birth to all life on earth. This takes trust and patience, and is largely out of my control, but that is perhaps the key difference between being Soul-Directed and Ego-Directed. It is more similar to being Spirit-Directed, but in a different way or direction.

Is this similar to what others meant by being directed by the heart more so than the mind?

This quite naturally leads me to my understanding of being Nature-Connected. Nature is the webbing that unites us all, human and more-than-human. So, to be Nature-Connected is NOT to be separated, if that makes sense. Or, to be connected to all. I also think it means being in the flow of nature, caught up in her rhythms and cycles and way of being fully present.

I have the privilege of leading youth on wilderness treks in the Olympic National Park as a wilderness therapy field guide (which is where I was during this first session). The power of Nature to reach past all the hurt and chaos of a young person’s life and touch their soul is amazing. Sometimes it takes like 6 weeks or more, but eventually, if they open themselves up to it, they’ll see how they are a part of something so much bigger, more eternal and meaningful, than the chaos of their own “little” lives. In that moment they find freedom. That “sparkle in the eye” is what I think of when I think of being Nature-Connected.

[Todd Holcomb]

Welcome, Cate!

[Todd Holcomb]

Hello! I’m excited to be here. Unfortunately, I will be on a 15-day field guiding shift when this course starts, but I promise to get caught up with the videos quickly and look forward to getting into the flow of things with everyone.

[Todd Holcomb]

A powerful story, and a very real encouragement for the work we all seek to do here. Thanks for sharing it.

[Todd Holcomb]

Yes, thank you. I appreciate your words and the hope they bring.

[Todd Holcomb]

“…if we don’t go deeper within to identify the affected Parts, we’re dealing only with the situation at hand, the trigger.”

Spot on, Cate. I think of being in nature, and how when we go in unprepared we deal with the environment and elements in the immediate moment as they affect us, but with a little preparation and understanding of the deeper Parts, we can foresee what nature is going to bring us and be able to respond or pre-empt the situation rather than simply react to it, often to our detriment.

[Todd Holcomb]

Sarah, I wanted to encourage you on your path. Committing half an hour out of your spare 2.5 hours is a 20% commitment of your time. YOU ARE WORTH IT. I, too, find it difficult to adequately invest in myself with sit time and self-care, when I feel like I should be “doing” something to further my goals or serve my family or others, but that initial investment in yourself is key. Your example gives me encouragement to press into the moments I have between kids and chores and work…et al. I’m reminded of that quote attributed to Lao Tzu, “ Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.“ Keep going, Sarah. Small steps are still steps.

[Todd Holcomb]

What a powerful story you are in the midst of, Kelly. I am glad we get to share this part of the journey with you.

[Todd Holcomb]

I like Cate’s contribution to this with her mention of balance and allowance. I am having to relearn how to trust the process and to trust the Divine (Spirit) in that process. Interestingly, I am finding that a big part of that is learning to trust my own intuition. I never promoted blind faith before, but looking back I can see how it took form in my life. I am learning that blind faith is reckless, and that true faith is very much aware. Instead of pushing ahead by faith (my old patterns), I am taking responsibility to look around, be aware and present, and trust my intuition through the process of transformation and growth.