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Brain and Change 2 (Oct 2018)
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Summary post:
Man, I just LOVE learning about this material, and it was so beneficial for me to read the reactions of everyone else! Such a cool thing to see everybody getting a clearer picture of the process of change in the brain, and I’m really getting a sense that we all got a lot out of the pieces on intentional rewiring. Overall, I’m feeling a lot of empathy for the little processes in my own brain that are just chugging along and trying so hard to move toward mental health and sustainability. I’m also feeling really empowered to help tweak those little processes in a way that is more evolved and moving in a direction that allows for the largest possible window of tolerance.
In working with clients, I’m seeing how we can use these tools to create more understanding toward their unique stages of change. I’m also seeing (and have experienced) that sharing some tidbits of neurobiology with them can allow for more self-empowerment and personal responsibilty. I’m so excited to read more Dan Siegal and other authors we discussed to become more aware of the neuro processes that are always happening just under the surface.
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Initial Post
Michael said in the beginning of the intensive, “In order to change your mind, you need to change your brain. In order to change your brain, you need to focus your mind.” This statement incapsulates what I took from this F2F. Everyone’s mind is unique, and so is how they navigate the world. If there’s one thing that stands out from this intensive, it is the perspective of everyone operating in the world through a lens of unique connections, filters, and stories.
One client comes to mind when reflecting on the brain and change. She is in her late thirties, has children in elementary and middle school, suffers from severe depression, lost her marriage, her home, and her nursing license. She spent her entire life trying to build a life based on external sources of validation: career, husband, kids, house, etc. She sinks into such a deep depression that in her first few weeks she didn’t get out of bed most days and wouldn’t respond to anyone.
By the time I worked with her, she was about 4 weeks into the programs. Some days she would take hours to get out of bed, and spent those hours stewing in shame for “ruining” her life and convincing herself that her life will never recover. In her eyes, her marriage with her husband ended because of her. According to her therapist, her husband was as emotionally unavailable as a robot and she was only acting out of desperation for emotional contact and having her emotional needs met. But in her eyes, her husband is the epidemy of perfection and she’s the worst person in the world.
I worked with her for two weeks. The first week my approach was too aggressive for her. Her self-critical narrative was too engrained to budge, and my questioning was too deep and triggered strong dissociative responses. Even when I taught Daniel Siegel’s model of integration, rigidity, and chaos, she fit it into her story of her husband being perfect and her being hopeless and spiraled into critical self-talk leading to dissociation. Everything about her was in precontemplation, and her willingness to change was minimal. After backing off a bit and adapting my style, the next week I just focused on building a relationship with her and seeking to understand/validate what she was feeling.
One of the biggest shifts in her I noticed – the beginning of contemplation and a new story – was after an attempt I made to show up and model healthy relationships. The group that week was operating inefficiently and not getting enough of their therapeutic goals done. We had planned to have a big, epic day hiking to a canyon, rappelling in, hiking and rappelling through, then hiking back to camp. Everyone was excited for the big day. I decided to make a tough decision to call off the canyon because it would leave no time for the clients to do the goals they needed to and had avoided all week.
The whole group was upset, and all handled it in different ways. I felt confident in my decision but something didn’t feel right on my part. I figured out I wasn’t happy with how long it took me to make the call and break the news. Once the group was back together for lunch, I made amends to the group, shared where I was coming from, what I felt bad about, how I wanted to show up better in the future, and offered space for suggestions for how I could show up better in the future.
Watching me show up in relationship to the group like that with humility, admitting where I felt I was wrong, and seeking repair, she made a connection she had never made: that her husband had never done that. The belief that her husband was finally flawless was shattered, and the story that everything was all her fault began to shift. She made a new connection in her brain, and stepped into the stage of contemplation. I haven’t worked with her since then, about 4 weeks ago, but I hear that she’s doing much better and finally believes her life can look different after treatment.
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Summary Post
This module has been helpful for me to develop a lens of how to work with different clients. I’ve become a pretty huge nerd on all the neuroscience we covered in this module, and I’ve become known by clients and coworkers for tying in the science behind mindfulness and change. Teaching how change works in the brain to clients has also helped to empower progress. When I point out, “you just carved a new neuropathway in your brain, now it’s time to strengthen it,” there’s a drive to change that wasn’t there before. I’m grateful to be empowering my guiding with a backbone of brain science.