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Gestalt Discussion September 2020
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@gmlobito1
Thanks for your insight Gina. I also notice that egoic tendency in myself, but it is subtle and I naturally tend to push that voice away, rather than facing the truth. So thanks for saying that, because it’s easier for me to become more aware of the ego voice when I know that others notice that. Also, I think it’s totally understandable that we want the client to “get it” and “wake up”; it think it points to our deep care for our clients (besides the ego). I personally think I need to work on simplly being present with my clients when they feel like they “don’t get it”, rather than jumping to trying to help or fix them. For me, I think the key is to explore that stuck/lost/discomfort (or whatever it is) with safety, because that may be the key to their awakening. However, I know that coaching focuses and attends to the “want” over the “not-want”. So lately I’ve been pondering how to guide clients in diving into discomfort while also attending to the “want”. -
@lesliewier
@gmlobito1Thanks Leslie and Gina- I’ve really enjoyed this discussion! I am going to post my Summary, but I would love to continue pondering our thoughts on this forum (if it feels organic of course).
Summary Post:
I think Leslie summed it up with the words, “awareness is like an onion.” Our Gestalt section has shown me that awareness is powerful. Awareness leads to organic self-transformation. In other words, when we are not aware of our inner voices/thoughts/feelings, our limbic system takes the show. But, by simply being aware of our inner voices/thoughts/feelings, we are activating our prefrontal cortex, which causes our brain/body/mind to naturally resolve any issues (note for Cohort 20- you will be talking about the brain science in your next intensive).
As a coach, one of our main jobs is helping clients become aware of themselves and their inner voices. According to Gestalt, after bringing awareness into a session, us coaches can offer an experiment that matches the desired “want” or “deeper need” for the client. All of this work requires coaches to hold a strong space of safety, presence, and empathy, while also holding a barrier with the client (not getting emotionally involved). As someone beautifully voiced in our intensive, it’s like getting into the fish tank with a gold fish. You see, feel, and attempt to understand and experience their world, but you don’t become the goldfish. You maintain your separateness.
In a sense, us coaches can BE the awareness that the clients are missing within themselves. By gracefully pointing out our awareness of their experience, we can activate a client’s own awareness. This process of activating a client’s awareness sounds incredibly simple as I write it, but it can be challenging. My main challenge right now is maintaining emotionally engagement instead of involvement. I understand that emotional engagement requires me to be aware and present with myself in addition to full awareness and presence with my client. If I am triggered in a session, I must be aware of that, and take appropriate action to not let my triggered part drive the session. Partswork feels like a helpful tool for “taking action” when a part of me is triggered in a session. For me, the key will be to practice Gestalt and Partswork in every day interactions, so that I can strengthen my awareness, resiliency, and coaching muscles! The “Untethered Soul” book has been a very helpful tool for me, and I recommend it to anyone who hasn’t read it yet!
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Summary Post
Many apologies for being a bit late with my summary post all – I’ve been feeling really rough and in a lot of pain this past week so keeping up with things has been a bit more challenging.
What really sticks out to me when it comes to awareness, and what’s highlighted especially by Gestalt principles, is the idea that awareness does not occur in a vacuum. It’s not something that a person develops by themselves in a sterile space so to speak. We develop awareness through our interactions with others, and this is where the role of coach is so pivotal. The coach is a mirror, model, and catalyst for the client’s own awareness. The more we peel back our own layers and do so in a transparent way, the more a client is able to do the same both consciously and unconsciously.
One significant lesson I’ve learned when it comes to awareness is that it’s hard to be aware ALL of the time. Our brains are designed to go onto auto-pilot or habit mode. So there are two implications with this. First, awareness is something we always have to be working on. It doesn’t stop where all of a sudden ‘we are aware’ and we don’t have to try to be anymore. We’re constantly moving in and out of awareness, so practicing how to be aware is an ongoing responsibility as a coach (’til death do us part, unless you believe in an afterlife and then I’m sure awareness takes on a whole new meaning!). Second, we need to give ourselves grace. Just like when practicing mindfulness you do so with non-judgement, so we need to be when practicing awareness in the coaching space. When we judge our lack of awareness, we continue to break contact. Awareness is simply a never ending practice.
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@deanna.falge
I feel the same sense of the Gestalt material showing up in my coaching and interactions with people in my life in small and valuable ways since the intensive. That’s what I love about this course! We are presented with many different ways to accomplish the same thing and we’re allowed to pull away the pieces that work best for us and our style.
In reading the part of your post where you talk about your occasional struggle with getting emotionally invested and getting sucked in by their story and triggers, the question coming up for me was, does this make you think more about who your ideal client is? Personally, if I have clients that have issues too similar to mine, I can see how that would have a tendency to pull me in too deep and affect my coaching. Just curious if that had come up for you.
David
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While I haven’t formally had a session where I applied Gestalt concepts intentionally, I am seeing that everything we have been doing has been closely enmeshed with Gestalt. If we look at the “Completing the Cycle” concept of Gestalt, we see that is has the following flow:
1) Sensation or awareness
2) Dilemma (“I need to do something with what I’m feeling”)
3) Action (finding some way of being ok or moving forward from the sensation or awareness through experimentation)
4) Integration (homework, affirmation statements, etc.)The coaching model we’ve been using has followed a very similar flow…..client comes with an issue stemming from some kind of awareness of a conflict or they’re displeased with how that is currently going, which in turn creates a dilemma for them. This gets hashed out in the severance phase through story telling and powerful questioning where we find the deeper need. Then we move into the threshold phase where we “shake the homeostasis” and experiment with a new way of being that has the potential to resolve the conflict (this is similar to the action phase of Gestalt). Then in incorporation, we’re collaborating with the client to set goals to strengthen the new neurological pathways created by the experimentation.
In both Nature Connected Coaching in Gestalt, you see the core principles being identical: Awareness, contact with present moment, authenticity. Both require the coach to be engaged and present but separate from the client’s experience. Yontef talks about this as “contact is the experience of interacting with the not-me while maintaining a self-identity separate from the not-me” in Gestalt Therapy: An Introduction. Both require the facilitator to detect baseline shifts or contact boundary disturbances through deep active listening. Both require attention to what the client is owning for themselves vs. projecting onto others. In so many ways we have almost been doing Gestalt all along without even knowing it. For me, seeing it in this light makes Gestalt a little less scary and confusing.
Reflecting back on some of my coaching sessions thus far, I can pick a handful of times where there was a significant incongruence between what the client was saying and how that presented in their body language and expressions. I had noticed them but hadn’t done anything with them at the time. Those can be really key points in a session, I think, and have the potential to really uncover the deeper need at times. Or, it may just be one of those side roads that contain something separate that needs attention….something that is not a completed cycle, and that can take place within the same session.
Thinking about my ideal client, which is a client who has little to no nature connection experience, I can see how Gestalt work would be directly applicable because those types of people are lacking in awareness. In Gestalt Therapy: An Introduction, Yontef says “unawareness is the result of the person’s not being in touch with its external environment or fantasies, or not being in touch with its inner life due to fixation on the external”. My mission for my work is to bring a balance to the internal and external worlds of my clients.
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@lesliewier
“I see Gestalt principles being particularly useful in helping a client to understand the importance of ‘awareness’, and ‘awareness of awareness’, as habits in and of themselves.”
This is such great point and makes me think of the book Mindsight. I never thought of this as a habit but it so is. Awareness of awareness gets us fully into the prefrontal cortex and this is where perspectives and behaviors start shifting! We need to engrain this awareness just as we need to ingrain new desired behaviors for our new selves. Do you have any ritual you do around this for your own life?
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@gmlobito1
What a great way to apply the Gestalt principles to your work life! I can really get a sense of how these community meetings have been a challenge for you in the past. The assumptions and blame the public make on the PD is kind of an attack on part of your identity as part of the police department. That makes me curious about the times that was difficult for you or times you responded to them defensively maybe in the past and how you completed the cycle in those instances. It definitely sounds like you are finding high road ways of doing that now! Thanks for sharing
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Summary post for Gestalt:
The major take-away for me is the close linkage of Gestalt to Nature Connected Coaching. I’m seeing that there are many approaches to achieve the same outcome. And the basis of the processes in the different types of therapy or coaching are almost identical. I like to call it a recipe for success because it’s hard to argue that change isn’t possible if you can guide someone through either process. At the very least, seeds are being planted by creating awareness so the client can get the change process started or move from one stage into the next. Or, in Gestalt terms, the client is moving forward in a healthier or more integrated way. It’s further driving home for me the goal of a session is more to help them move from one phase to the next and not expecting one session to be the end all be all for them.
I do think working with the Gestalt concepts has deepened my understanding of awareness and how there is many levels of it going on at the same time (awareness of me, awareness of client, awareness of awareness). I love how this layered awareness feels in the container. Both individuals are coming from the most open and raw place they can. They’re encouraged and invited to be dedicated to the process at all costs. They’re bringing whatever is there however it is showing up in the now. This feels like what genuine human contact should always be. What if we could bring that into our relationships with our partners, friends, co-workers, the world?
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Initial Post
I met client on the beach and began with setting the context that this was a practice session of nature-connected coaching and I’ve learned a variety of techniques to guide them as they work on their goal with me. I asked permission to be their guide and then stated confidentiality.I told them I would take notes and if they wanted to transition with a breath into the session. I let them decide how to transition which they closed their eyes and when they opened them we smiled and I asked what is it they wanted to work on today? I noticed the deeper into ceremony they led me, their discomfort arose. I noticed it in their body and facial expression. I made sure to ask questions that brought them into the present moment like Sacred questions.
In their threshold I used Gestalt questions like What are you aware of right now? I noticed this made them uncomfortable as they may have been thinking something they didn’t want to share. I asked what sensations they were experiencing and to stay with the experience of the moment while in threshold. I then asked sacred questions again a little back and forth with What are you aware of and sacred questions to focus on their goal which I repeated for them while in threshold to be reminded. It was going deep an dI am thankful that nature which in this case was ocean water made client feel playful flowing and free. It was like we were submerging into her goal with lightness of the the elemental being water. I pointed out when wind blew or when the water flowed after an ebb and she was delighted to notice this as a message from nature which affirmed her goal.
What I learned about myself and nature-connected coaching is that I love it. It is like a dream job. I also learned that it is not hard to do this kind of coaching when you’re out on the land it speaks to you when you have skills like we are learning. It is a language that you get to be in on or “remember”. The Gestalt Therapy:An introduction by Gary Yontef and the concise version of the work in the EBI handbook was helpful. “Awareness” as the guiding concept got me to focus coaching presence in the session with my practice client. I also used Cycle of Experience: Sensation and the “Here and Now”.
I am thinking I may introduce some concept before session to give client a sense of how I work. I think this will help them feel like they have the choice to go deep with me and their awareness.
Gestalt Therapy effect or enhances my Coaching Presence and approach by helping me to be in the here and now and aware of my awareness.It helps me maintain this through greater sense of what “contact” means.What I took away from this module was that Nature-connected practices and Gestalt Therapy have the following: Awareness and presence showing up fully in the here and now, congruence, following the energy of client noticing what has the biggest charge, experimentation which is like threshold, holistically viewing client, authenticity in self and encourage in clients, both are a process of discovery, the aim is increased awareness, enabling clients to be autonomous and self responsible.
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@ DAvid Fontaine
Hi David, I like how you mention the many approaches of both fields. I agree that this is a great toolkit for helping clients to their desired outcomes. I relate to your valid point about how change happens over time and how we can help through that change in clients life. It is interesting to be aware of your awareness. It is something I have studied as a yogi and meditation practitioner. I like this concept in the work and how close it relates to sacred question “What are you noticing?” I appreciate your comment about this feeling like “genuine human contact” and I think it takes a willingness to be brave to be aware on such a deep level.:)
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@Deanna
Hi Deanna,
I’m with you when you mention being more aware of contact and boundary disturbances. When I was with my client it was after the Gestalt module and I was aware of this concept. I noticed at one point she habitually picked up her cell phone and quickly realized she was in session still and apologized and put it down. Had I not become aware of Gestalt and “awareness” I may have not really noticed the contact break. I feel as though now that was a deflection of sorts on her part. But This is really an important concept you mention and will strengthen us as coaches! I also resonate with your emotionally engaged vs involved. I’ve been there before and I know as a dancer I am sensitive to what sensations my body is telling me. So when I get engaged it feels different in my body than when I am involved. Thanks for helping me reflect on this!
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Summary
What I’m getting more awareness around Gestalt is that this is a unique process of discovery for us all. I read how people in this forum wrote it’s like layers and how there are somethings we havn’t yet been able to bring into session. But AWARENESS is key in ourselves and in guiding our clients and that Gestalt therapy has things in common with Nature-Connected coaching like “presence” and “authenticity” the “here and now” and Sacred Questions are similar to Gestalt questions with slightly different words and intentions but can deepen the experience quickly and “experiment” which is like “threshold” in “ceremony” an “responsibility for one self” and “autonomy”
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My client left a long term relationship, where the man she was dating used manipulation and psychological abuse as a means of control. One year post-breakup, she is now dating someone new. She is excited about her new relationship, but is having a hard time enjoying her time with this man. She is constantly looking for red flags and indicators that would point to potential problems. The focus of our session was to help my client understand the tools she has that will allow her to enjoy her time, feel safe, and know when there is a concern that needs attention. We were going to meet in a local greenbelt, but had to zoom due to weather changes.
Part of my client’s frustration is not being able to trust herself, and ultimately she needed to feel safe in this growing relationship in order to enjoy the process of dating. The way that made sense to me was to use body awareness and tap into what is happening in the body to help her feel into dates instead of going straight to that place of overanalysis. My client does a lot of athletic training and is very attuned to her body. The hope was that using a Gestalt experience focused on the body would help her get out of her head.
What ultimately flowed and happened is that my client was able to recall the feelings in her body in various dating situations, ones where she felt comfortable and at peace, and others where she felt that something was off or was being manipulated. We played with those elements, recalling where certain feelings and experiences landed in her body. That led to her describing what she felt in her body when it came to her ex, and what she felt like in her body with this new relationship. She felt a vast difference between the two. Even in her description, her body would visibly change, giving me a glimpse into where she is holding these emotions in her body. Once she was able to discern those differences, then she was able to reflect back on her dates and make the connection that she felt good in her body on these dates.
Our session was very much focused around feeling into people, into experiences, what is happening in the body as we speak, how has the body changed, etc. She brought all of her emotions to the table, and I was able to feel the current of those emotions without getting into her emotions. There was a moment where I got a bit choked up, namely because I knew how what I had to say was going to land. I find that it happens with me. I know how a piece of reflection or a question is going to land, but I also feel it needs to be said or asked. Perhaps the emotional weight of such things are like humidity. It is thick and tangible in the air, but it needs to be acknowledged so that it can dissipate.
Overall, it was a really good session. My client does a lot of work on herself, with deep questioning and examination. I wasn’t sure if I would have much to offer her because she already has such a great awareness and sensibility of herself. I learned how to create goals a bit differently with this client. The goals were emotional, less so something tangible. I find that you have to be clever in structuring these types of goals so that they can be measured. Ultimately, we were able to construct something that was measurable and resonated with my client. -
@david.fontaine2
You mentioned in your post that “Both require attention to what the client is owning for themselves vs. projecting onto others,” when speaking to Nature Connected Coaching and Gestalt. The word that keeps coming up for me recently is accountability. I feel an ever-increasing sense of how people are stepping away from accountability in parts of their lives, especially emotional accountability. It’s scary. It isn’t so much that the emotions are scary as much as the intensity of our emotions. The energy behind that intensity gets unleashed and can lead to some uncomfortable truths. It is much easier to project it on others so that it is far away from us. I appreciate you calling attention to clients owning vs. projecting. My question to you or the collective would be what happens when a client won’t take ownership? How do we kindly call them on their stuff? I have my ideas, but I’m curious as t what the collective has to say. 🙂 -
@lesliewier
You mentioned the quote about how interpretation of the past makes a client rely on the coach for knowledge and understanding versus the client’s own internal wisdom and autonomy. That quote resonates with me, as I’ve made a transition myself from thinking I had to know everything the client is putting out there, versus simply guiding through the process to allow for the client’s wisdom to shine through. I feel that this is a huge misconception in coaching, perhaps even in counseling. One of the most insightful and humbling ideas I heard from a teacher friend was that if you don’t know the answer to a question, tell the student that you will figure it out together. As a teacher, you feel responsible for knowing “everything” so that you can answer every single question. But, that is an immense amount of pressure for a teacher, and it is for a coach. I like the idea that we don’t have to know everything, just to trust our intuition and recognize patterns and opportunities for questions/reflections. I guess in a sense, this is where coaching takes us out of the ego and puts us into a different space where we can be effective as true guides. Thanks for sharing your insights!
