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Gestalt Discussion September 2020
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I do not have a practice client, but I can write from my perspective as a coach during our fishbowls.
During our session, my client expressed that they could not think of anything they needed coaching on, and that I would not be able to help them. I recognized resistance from the beginning. The client did not want to participate in a warm up of deep breathing or a short meditation. After some chatter they mentioned a difficulty in self appreciation and acceptance. I asked, at one point, if we could do some partswork, which seemed to work for a while, until they got distracted. They started moving parts around, adding and deleting parts, stopped answering my questions and avoiding eye contact. There was a loss of connection, and I asked where they were and what was happening, and if it would be better to just exit out of their mandala. Eventually, my client opened up about their feelings revolving around the issues with self and soul, and connection was restored. After hearing my client express self-doubt and the emotions and pain they feel, I said something along the lines of “Can I just say, it hurts me to know that you feel this way/treat yourself like this.” I believe this expression of truth from me helped to build trust and connection within our relationship. At the end of our session, they determined a daily affirmation to remind themselves that they are not worthless, and in fact have value.
I truly had no idea what Gestalt was throughout the week. Going in to fishbowls I still struggled with identifying it. The best way I can explain it is what is currently happening, in the present, between the client, the coach, and the client’s personal responsibility to themselves. I understand how so much can be happening internally; pain and joy, hunger for newness, desire for change, anger at whatever presence is there, conflict and emptiness, and the struggle to maintain a connected presence is often harder than we think. I recognized, through a computer screen, that my client was disconnected from the start, and as we went through the session, all connection was lost. I tried many ways to rebuild the connection, or establish any connection at all, and was somewhat successful.
Participating in a session via zoom has been difficult because I wasn’t aware of the signs of disconnect, drifting, or inability to focus, but now that I am aware of the concentration and relationship of connection I feel that I can successfully coach via zoom sessions. It would be much easier to coach in nature, where there are fewer distractions and unnatural emergences, though, but with the current state of our world, adaption is key.
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@gmlobito1
Gena, I admire the work you are doing with your community. I live in STL City, and if you watch the news at all you’ll see that we’re having a rough go of things. We really can’t get anyne to go to our neighborhood meetings, I organize street clean ups and no one shows, and we have extremely high violence, poverty, and theft rates. When I meet someone on the street that just threw trash down and could have put it in the community can on the corner they seem to think that someone else will come clean it up, which is usually me when we walk our dogs. I am struggling to stay in the moment with them, and instead thinking about all the time that I have spent cleaning up their messes instead of enjoying a walk with my girls, and how I’ll have to clean after them during my next walk. I’ll work more on staying in the moment and pausing for reflection before I respond to them next time. -
@deanna.falge
I couldn’t imagine working with someone who is at such an impressionable age, in high school and on the cusp of adulthood. I hated high school, so if I had to sit with someone while they discussed their struggles and triggers I would try to become as emotionally distant as possible. I’m sure you are helping your client immensely, and that she appreciates it! Gestalt seems to be doing exactly what it is meant to do for you and your client.
I am also a fixer, and catch myself wanting to help them make the right choice, instead of helping them see that only they truly know their way. I’m eager to hear how you and your client have been doing since you started incorporating Gestalt. -
Reflecting on Gestalt and parts work I’m feeling eager to connect with my EBI community and feel the burning need to be really present for the next intensive. Returning to work fulltime for short stints has shifted priorities during that period. A transition that caught me unaware at the end of last year, it exhausted me, I reached capacity with what I could mentally and physically take on. So, this period of work I’m trying to realign and prioritise what is important to me. Today it is beginning the long overdue catch up of all things EBI, doing the brain dump of all my thoughts around these assignments which seemed due a lifetime ago. Feeling frustration and guilt, had I just sat down after I’d watched the recording’s I would have submitted the exact same assignment without the preface.
Gestalt is one of my favoured tools in coaching and certainly what drew me to EBI, I feel like Gestalt and nature connection go together, utilising our environments to guide and to listen to ourselves and the environment deeply. I love the way gestalt can be both playful and serious, sometimes at the same time.
When I first read the assignment question, I immediately had a session in mind, it still remains the session I will touch on today.
Background
This was a new client that had reached out via social media wanting to know what I did and how that might help her. She is a nurse and also has a side business in pet photography. She wanted to do some coaching sessions around business development and what holds her back. She opted for five sessions. She had no idea what a life coach did, she had never engaged in any professional development, just felt that she should connect as my content resonated with her. The first session was huge, two hours of contracting, diving in, uncovering, we didn’t have to dig very deep to find some deep-rooted behaviours impacting her life and as usual the session goals ended up being very personal compared to what she was envisioning. It was a massive session with a big shift for the client who came to the next session ready for anything, willing to experiment and be completely present. All via the internet.
Each session with this client was big and in my usual style I gave her the space to explore and learn as we went. The principles of awareness and pausing, holding space are two I utilise in most sessions, I did find though that when being more experimental with gestalt in the threshold I relied on these principles even more. I said less, if this is possible. While holding space, the energy was palpable, the client was uncovering some deep truths, some she liked and others not so much.
I feel that gestalt and nature connection complement each other in the coaching sphere, nature helping to bring more awareness, practicing deep listening, what is happening around us, in nature, what does this mean for me as a whole being, as part of nature. I utilise elements of gestalt in most of my coaching sessions and found that it was the gestalt aspect that led me to find EBI and want to explore nature connection further in my coaching practice.
Utilising both nature and gestalt with my clients feels like a great fit and I’m looking forward to further developing myself as a coach in this space.
I’ll spend the weekend taking in and responding to everyones posts.
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Hats off to you Deanna working with teenagers, I certainly couldn’t do it, I take great pleasure in taking care of them when sick, in small doses but don’t believe I would be very good at helping them through challenging times of growing up. And Gina, your workspace must be very demanding, there must be many great take aways when applying NCC to your work.
Ally, I felt the ignorance going into the intensive but around Parts Work which ended up having a huge impact. So much to gain from both and I do wonder how I might utilise both in the natural setting together, I think a playful mixture of both would really complement each other.
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Summary – will keep checking back should the discussion continue
This discussion holds so much richness in exploring the gestalt principles and cycle of completion. While I naturally lean more to the gestalt style in my own coaching I am aware I’m not great great at idenitifing aspects in the world around me and how that interacts with the people I coach and family/friends. A little exercise for me to take away. Forever awareness building.
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Gestalt has honestly changed my life and my practice in so many ways.
The principles of interjection, projection, deflection and retroflection have helped me to understand my own life and behavior as well as that of my parents and caregivers. There has been great healing in understanding the forces that shaped me. It is through this lens that I can see others with clarity and compassion and recognize where they are expressing a “not self” characteristic. By noticing this, I am able to track the journey of the client to their true desire.
Since coaching is my full-time job, all of my clients have been practice clients and each ceremony becomes a cycle of experience. Understanding this and allowing myself to be more a part of it has helped me to recognize a threshold experience with more certainty.
A recent session with a client stands out to me as a good example of using Gestalt with the limited experience I have. I noticed that as we got close to the deeper need in her session, she began to deflect almost like a clever animal trying to throw me off the trail, but I persisted, gently but firmly. She finally said, because “it matters to me.” I don’t remember what I said exactly but it was something like “Does it matter because you matter? (Reference to an earlier part of the conversation in which she expressed that she does not feel like she matters or that anyone listens to her.) Hearing this she broke into tears- and wanted to turn away from me. I said, that she was welcome to do so and she still would matter to me. It was a strong moment- a lot changed after that. I think she shifted to a place of readiness for action within the week that followed because she arrived with an action plan for changing her business in the way she had been wanting to.
I hav loved Gestalt so much that I decided to join the deep dive. It is one of those mysterious practices in which it seems the more you learn, the less you know. I like practices like that. It’s much mike my understanding of shamanism- each door opens a new door and other worlds may appear. -
Boy, what to say about Gestalt. I think that there could be a lot of potential when combined with other forms of therapy. I would explain it as a major part of the “tracking” element that takes place during a session, except that we get to check in with the client to see what is going on as opposed to forming a hypothesis/story based on tracks on the earth.
It appears to be a cool tool for following a clients tells and quirks into the deeper layers of the need and want; layers that aren’t always accessible via dialogue alone.
Though useful over the phone, it appears to be most valuable in person, and somewhat less potent over video conference. -
Thanks for your initial share, Deanna. I see how the difference between “emotional involvement” vs “emotional engagement” is a very important one to make, and once practiced, empowers the coach/client relationship and increases the potential positive outcome.
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Leslie,
even though Gina already quoted you here, I feel the need to comment on it as well.“When I allow myself to be in the Eternal Now as a coach, I suspend that need to fix, that tendency to constantly be looking toward what comes next. The longer I stay in the eternal now, the more I am able to create space for silence, pause, and reflection. Thus, the more opportunity there is for curiosity and co-creation.”
This is a great summation to how I relate to gestalt, as well as other tools we’re being taught. I remember in foundations, Michael said something to the effect of “trust that what you experience has been absorbed by your subconscious, and if/when you need it, you’ll be able to access it if you are present with your client and aren’t trying too hard.”
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summary
I find Gestalt work to be informative, and an excellent tool to add to my “toolbox” for guiding a client to their deeper want/need. I don’t feel particularly inspired to practice specific gestalt techniques, but I believe that what I learned in this toolbox is present in my subconscious,, and with practice will come to me when I need it if I first practice presence and loose my personal agenda.
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Caving was my favorite trip to go on with campers and staff members because it was such a unique experience for them. For many of those first-time spelunkers, there was excitement and anticipation, and they had no preconceived notions or previous experience with which to compare it. For some, however, the unknown begat fear and apprehension. One afternoon, there was a camper who was so paralyzed by her fear that she stated she could not stand up from the floor of the library, where we had gathered before getting on the bus. The time I spent with her that afternoon is the most vivid and incredible memory I have of working with someone in what I now believe to have been a Gestalt experience.
I don’t remember the exact beginning of the conversation, but I always find a way to ask for permission, which is a step that was solidified early on by my first aid training- ask for consent first, before providing any care. I believe profoundly in the importance of asking permission before entering a new shared space with another presence- human or otherwise. (Note: I have put a mental pin in “shared space”. I will revisit it and see if I can’t more clearly articulate what I mean by it. I have a sensation when I think of those spaces, but I don’t yet have the words.)
Everyone was already on the bus by the time I was told about the camper who would not, could not, get up off of the library floor. After getting her permission, I approached her and sat down next to her. It was long ago, so I don’t recall most of what was said, but I remember that it was not much, and I focused on her physical being. She felt safe on the floor against the wall, and her arms were wrapped tightly around her knees. I assumed the same position, and invited her to gently unfold with me. I eventually had her put the palms of her hands on the floor on either side of her. Seeing her in that position made me think of the “three points of contact” that we would be reviewing in the clearing in front of the cave, so I reviewed that with her right there in the library. We eventually made our way up the wall, maintaining at least three points of contact at all times, and then we got to a point where she felt safe and comfortable enough to walk together to the bus.
I spent most of the time with that camper for the rest of the caving trip (we had enough staff with us to ensure the safety and uninterrupted activities in the cave for the rest of the group). Outside of the cave, I recall a lot of invitations to try new ways of approaching different sized boulders, touching, testing, touching again, and moving slowly to the mouth of the cave. I remember repeatedly asking, “How does that feel?” and “Where would you like to try next?” She didn’t make it entirely into the cave, but she did get to a place where she was comfortable venturing into the entrance, and she even got far enough in that she could feel a change in the temperature, see how dark it got when the rest of the group blew out their candles (one of the activities), and even chat with some of her bunkmates who came by on occasion to tell her what they were experiencing. That cave also had little, green plastic army men in different locations, and I remember her laughing when she spotted one from where she was sitting.
I had not planned it in this way, but we worked through her Cycle of Experience. In reviewing all of those phases, I think we hit on each one. I am not sure how her Withdrawal fully played out, but she was in an entirely different state on the bus ride back to camp. She did not sit up front with me, and she was laughing and talking with her friends the entire time.
The process was largely driven by her choices, and her choices gradually empowered her to make new, creative choices. For example, I remember her choosing to challenge a large rock to a duel because she was not afraid of it and then dancing around it as if she had a sword. It seemed that each choice felt bolder to her, and she seemed to challenge herself and the beliefs she was holding when she was anchored to that library floor.
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I described my feelings about Gestalt at one point as being the same as the frustrations I felt with those hidden 3D stereogram posters. When they were popular about 20ish years ago, I would stare at them, gaze at them, and look at them. And then I would throw a crazy combination gazelookstare at them some more. I would let my focus go soft and blurry. I’d look off to the sides. I would try to surprise it by looking away, pretending I no longer cared about seeing the hidden picture anymore, as if I were trying to trick my brain into remembering a word on the tip of my tongue by “forgetting” about the fact that I was trying to remember. Then, I would look back quickly to see if it spurred some ability to see and capture the image. I dared it to try and continue to elude and hide from me!
And it did. Every. Time.
Gestalt felt the same way for me this week. I listened so hard, I reread my notes during breaks, I looked stuff up online, and I still feel like I missed the entire parade, point, and purpose.
So, you know what I did? I researched those pesky stereograms to find out WHY I could never see them! I thought maybe that would help me understand, or at least serve as a metaphor for why I could not connect with or wrap my arms around Gestalt.
“A stereogram is an image which, when viewed with two eyes, produces the illusion of depth perception.” (Can YOU see the shark? Researchers reveal how the magic eye illusions work – and why not everyone can see the hidden 3D images, Daily Mail article from October 24, 2016) Instead of looking AT the image, you were supposed to look through it, which the article identifies as “divergent viewing”. That is in my notes! Gestalt is about seeing the whole picture, and also about looking inside. I know X-ray vision is not the same as divergent viewing, but they feel very similar.
In an article from Brown University’s Math Department, I can’t see the #$%!*&%ing thing! (a title I personally feel resonates with how I felt in the Gestalt module), there are several experiments shared to see if you might be one of the “rare” cases of people who are unable to see these pictures. I tried a few and think I fall into the “dominant eye” group, but I am not sure. If I do fall into that category, the article says I am one of the ’lucky few’ who actually has an excuse for not being able to see them. I’m not convinced, and that doesn’t make me feel lucky, but it is comforting to know that there are other like-minded (obsessed?) individuals out there who conducted studies and surveys (at MIT, for example) around this phenomenon.
What does this tell me? I am willing to research things to find out why, and I keep trying and trying if there is hope of figuring something out (I have gone back a few times to try to see the pictures). Specifically related to Gestalt, I think I understand the why, and I don’t yet know how all of this informs beginning to practice this with clients. I plan to continue to read and research more, and I would also like to join a Gestalt deep dive at some point.
