-
Guiding through Grief (Oct 2019)
-
*Initial Post*
I don’t think there is anyone out there who hasn’t experienced grief, and that goes for our clients as well. I can think of one particular client that I have who went through a period of expressing delayed grief. She was so traumatized and disassociated from her experience of loss, that she didn’t get to go through the motions of crying for this loss. We had several sessions where she would just cry the entire time and I would just be there to hold the space. She told me that it felt so good to be able to let it all out. I didn’t have that much experience with grief at the time and I felt a little unsure but I made sure she was safe and she expressed how therapeutic it was for her to be able to grieve. This is one of many situations I have been with grieving clients. Sometimes there doesn’t need to be words or actions, but just a witness. -
*Summary Post*
I think as coaches, we are trying to deal with or help create whole clients. This means allowing the full range of human emotions to come forth and not be blocked. These can be uncomfortable feelings for some, so these people might tend to avoid or to console but these are natural processes and they are safe to experience. This is just another instance where coaches can benefit from knowing how to move through their own emotional processes. -
When thinking about guiding through grief, the first thing that comes to mind is coaching presence. When seeing someone suffer in grief, my instinct probably like many people, is to fix or relieve their suffering somehow. I have had to learn to deal with my own response to a client’s grief and show up from a soul directed deep listening place. Creating a safe space and listening to my client vs directing or fixing has been the most important piece I’ve learned. Also I’ve found finding the balance between letting a client grieve and process and bringing them back to the present moment and intention can be tricky. When is the right time to change direction of the session to focusing on staying true to vision and how to move forward? How long does each client need to process and experience before they are ready to bring focus back to their vision or goals? This comes back to deep listening, every client is different and processes differently. I often find myself having to focus on keeping my heart open and repressing my instinct to fix, simply to create the right environment for my client to experience and process. I still have a lot to learn in regards to working with grief and am accepting that each client and session will be different, and bring my focus to being present for my client.
I had an experience a few years ago where someone close to me had lost their mother in a very traumatic way. I so desperately wanted to take their pain away but through experience learned that the best thing I could do is simply show up and keep an open heart for them. This was reiterated after going through the guiding through grief intensive. This is a very important aspect I bring into my coaching practice and personal life when showing up for others.
