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Initial Post-Foundation 3-Cohort 19
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Susan, what a beautiful account of your threshold experience! What stood out for me was “We may do all of these things and our clients are the ones who ultimately choose whether or not to show up and step in to growth, deep self awareness, and learning.” You chose to show up for that session as a client and had a powerful experience, even though you had some initial hesitation because you hadn’t spent a lot of time with that individual. I believe a coach’s demeanor and presence can set the stage for calming worries and inhibitions. We’ll all encounter this, particularly with new clients who we may have never met or spent time with. My question for you is, what qualities of yours as a coach will elicit this same type of dropping in from your clients when they arrive that day with the inhibitions you felt?
And a second question, in what ways are you saying “f*ck yeah to all parts of your life TODAY? 🙂
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Teddy,
In your post, I was reminded of psychedelic journeys and the research explaining what is going on in the human brain when these medicines are being ingested. Your quote, “In any case, threshold is a liminal state of being between who we are and who we are becoming – it’s a space where we begin to wire new neural connections that will better serve us in the lives we are manifesting.” sounded to me like it could have come out of a psilocybin research paper, and I’m curious if there is really something similar going on in the brain while in a “sober” threshold.
Thoughts? -
@rollin
In your words, “When I’m coaching others, let Nature do the work. Allow for the co-creation of the guide and client to come alive with Nature in the threshold. Ultimately, as a coach/guide, less is more but be close enough to the client to hear the unspoken words.”–How do you find the balance of “less is more” while still being close enought to hear the unspoken words? I find this difficult myself, as sometimes I wonder how to hear the unspoken and if its just my imagination. You also mentioned having confidence as a coach. It seems this is a perennial concern with all coaches…. Maybe intended to keep us humble and close to the earth? Do we just embrace our own vulnerabilities, accept ou lack confidence, and step out in trust anyway?
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“Threshold, then, lines up with flow states and experiences where we’re “relieved of the burden of our consciousness” – no drugs required!
By embodying, if only for a few minutes, the beings we need to become, a porthole to some divine creative force opens and, with the right guidance, we might swim through it and immerse ourselves in the oneness which surrounds and binds us constantly, but which most have forgotten how to access on their own.”
AMEN, brother! Yes, the oneness surrounds us and binds us constantly…. what beautiful imagery you offer, Teddy. We are swimming in the oneness. We’ve just forgotten. I see that our primary goal as life coach or soul guide is to support our clients as they discover this for themselves. Their experience of threshold and being in that “porthole” is what its all about. We are all mystics.
I also like your comment “no drugs required”— When we are attuned to the Mystery and enter in, our perceptions of the world and our connection to it shift–we become one with the magical realm.
Thanks for your reflections!
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Hi James, I found what you said here below is an eternal truth–
“I am finding that it is just as necessary to change our relationship to our internal nature/psyche as it is to change our relationship with the expression of Nature that exists outside of us. I am beginning to believe that lasting change cannot take place without both relationships changing and affecting each other as they evolve.”Our wanderings in Nature reflect our own internal wander as we discover parts of ourselves, hidden treasures, nooks and crannies that hold our Golden Self as much as they hold our Woundedness. Both our Golden Shadow and our Woundedness are equally hard for us to see and hold. Both have great beauty and blessing when we recognize them and hold our Whole Self with great compassion. Our gifts can be just as hard to birth as it is to heal our brokenness–yet one flows into the other. It is necessary, like you stated, “to change our relationship to our internal nature/psyche”, to see ourselves holding the beauty of our light and shadow, to see ourselves as Whole. Thank you for being BEAUTIFUL. Thank you for being LIGHT. Thank you for being SHADOW. Thank you for being WHOLE. Blessings, my friend.
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@david.fontaine2
Hi David,
Trust the process…. Aughhh… That can be so hard to do. And yet, TRUST is exactly what is called for as coaches and guides. We allow, we let go, we surrender, we step back. Thank you for the reminder that “We can never know how someone will interpret what is reflected to them or how powerful that experience will be for them.”
“Trust process, support process and get out of the way. If in doubt, do less”–it seems that you are doing exactly that during this crisis. You seem to be rooting in to trust in your work role right now and truly showing up. I sense a groundedness and integrity in you. A wholeness.
How do you relate our current crisis to the concept of “process”? How are you managing to “show up” in your wholeness during this time?
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Hi Maria! Great question. My immediate response is that this current crisis has put most of the human population into an unexpected Severance. We’ve had to give up a lot of what we built our lives around (jobs/income, socialization with others in a face to face sense, exercise in gyms, freedom to go wherever we want whenever we want, etc) and we’re now being invited to create a new way of being. The problem with this is that it is a largely unsupported Severance for many. Many are struggling with change, isolation, anxiety, fears of the unknown with no-one to guide them through it. So I see a call for anyone to reach whoever they can in a supporting role. It’s a call to take as many people as we can into a Threshold-like experience and that could take many forms. I’m showing up for my family and friends by checking in on them and exploring any insights they’re having in this new way of being. Or, conversely, being curious about the fears and uncertainties they’re having to see where those are truly rooted. You’re right, I am rooting into trust with everything I have right now and I know that showing up fully at work and relying on my natural ability to remain calm is being seen by others. I see an opportunity with each customer that I pass by during the work day as a chance to positively impact their day. If I can get them out of their heads even for a few minutes with some compassion and listening, then I believe I have benefitted them.
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@david.fontaine2
That’s what I see too…. we are all in a severance, hopefully moving into a meaningful threshold experience that will shift the way we relate to everything. Thanks for who you are, David.
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Hi everyone, I know that I am coming in late on this conversation. I plan to do better with due dates in the future! I really appreciate all of your words. You are all so insightful!!!
Crossing the “threshold” is like crossing one massive edge. To cross that edge, I must feel safe, trusting of my guide/coach, and have a clear plan. Otherwise, I will not want to cross. Once I do make the decision to cross the edge into the threshold, I may experience waves of emotion, such as excitement, empowerment, fear, doubt, and vulnerability. When I feel fear, doubt, and vulnerability, my guide/coach becomes very important. I am reminded of a parent guiding a child. A five year old child can play all day without even thinking about their parent, but once the child gets lost, scared, or hurt, all they can think about is finding their parents for comfort, safety, and guidance. Similarly, as a client, I can get lost in the play, excitement, and beauty of the threshold, but once I feel lost, confused, fearful, or doubtful, I may want to refer to my coach/guide (parent) for reassurance. By my coach trusting in my process, empowering me, and reassuring my safety, I feel safe and ready to be in the threshold, explore new edges, and maybe even cross new edges.
Like a parent, my guide/coach must embody trust and safety in order for me, the client, to feel safe in diving deeper into the threshold. Knowing this, I am reminded of how important it is for me to be confident and trusting during a session with a client. As a coach, I must fully trust that nature will provide, and that my client is whole and fully capable of guiding themselves. If any of my own fear, self doubt, or anxiety comes up before or during the threshold, I know that my client will feel that, and it could potentially disrupt their process. I am realizing that the coach must be just as ready to enter the threshold as the client.
Some of my most powerful moments as a client in the threshold (if not all) have been when my coach is not saying anything, but simply holding a safe space/container. I think that this method works for me because I have already worked on developing a deep relationship with nature. For clients who have not worked on developing a relationship with nature, they may need the coach to provide more words of guidance in the threshold. Therefore, the amount of input and guidance that a coach provides in the threshold greatly depends on the client.
In working with teens, I have found that they are typically very hesitant to enter the threshold. To me, this makes sense, because the threshold is a very vulnerable experience, and teens can often be self-conscious, insecure, and fearful. However, I have one teen girl client who is ready and willing to enter the threshold in most sessions. This teen and I have a long-standing relationship, so the trust is high. In working with teens, I realize that the trust must be securely established before we can even get close to the threshold.
The specific ICF Core Competencies that I think are essential for me to practice and develop in feeling confident to guide client’s through the threshold are “Coaching Presence” and “Powerful Questioning”. I know that I can work on my coaching presence by building my self-trust and trust in nature. I can more often surrender and allow nature and intuition to take a lead, rather than my mind thinking it needs to keep everything in control. I believe that I can work on building trust by committing to more solo wanders and sit spots in nature, which I am working on this month. As for “Powerful Questioning”, I would like to work on being more mindful of my questions in the threshold, or even in general when coaching. I would like to work on asking stronger open-ended questions.
@hardcorehuntley:
When you said, “Many of my sessions as a coach have led to my client having internal thresholds, as take place in a partswork session, or not leaving severance at all.” I am curious if this is your emerging coaching style? I feel that you are really good at partswork. By reading your response, I am realizing that there is a vast inner landscape to explore in addition to the vast outer landscape (this is what you mean, correct?). I think it’s special that you can dive so deeply into helping people navigate their vast inner landscape, without even physically moving through the outer landscape. That’s pretty special! I wonder if you are being called to guide people deeply through their inner landscape before combining both inner and outer landscape exploration.@david.fontaine:
David, I really loved reading your threshold story. I am inspired to bring client’s into the threshold after reading about your experience. I really like what you said here: “I really felt like we were connected and going through the process together, not as me doing it and him observing.” I am reminded of how we are all interconnected, and all in this life together. Although we are holding space for our clients in the threshold, we are in the experience with them at the same time, and we can trust that our intuition and insight into the experience may be helpful for the client. Although we don’t want to assume or project our experience onto the client, we can include our insight in an open-ended question, such as when your coach asked you, “what if you used this same kind of slowing down and patience with your partner?”. And, it seems we can’t go wrong with open-ended questions, because if something doesn’t feel true for the client in the threshold, I have found that they will communicate that.@teddy:
Your description of the threshold is so spot-on! I really like your following quotes:
“In any case, threshold is a liminal state of being between who we are and who we are becoming.”
“we’ve ventured from the known into the unknown; not only that, we may also be embodying a future version of ourselves – the person we ‘need to be’ in order to meet our deepest needs.”
“By embodying, if only for a few minutes, the beings we need to become, a porthole to some divine creative force opens and, with the right guidance, we might swim through it and immerse ourselves in the oneness which surrounds and binds us constantly, but which most have forgotten how to access on their own.” -
@Maria…
–How do you find the balance of “less is more” while still being close enough to hear the unspoken words? Thank you for this question. I find that silence is really powerful. So that is how I approach the less is more. Less talking from me and more silence, nature, miracles etc. I ask myself…can I see what they are looking at? can I hear what they are hearing? I want to be close enough for that experience until they tell me not to be. Some people want more interaction and less silence I find…so the balance of all of this…for me…is listening to the body language, words and vibe of the client. The client will ultimately tell me what they want at all times. As a coach, if I miss something, I use that as a foundation to get interested about what I missed, what they saw and what they are hearing etc.
“I find this difficult myself, as sometimes I wonder how to hear the unspoken and if its just my imagination.” – I relate to a Toltec way of life…and consider that I’m always dreaming. So ALL of this is my imagination in my opinion. I don’t spend much time trying to figure out the difference between the two (reality/imagination)…and I just surrender and let go…and go with the flow while coaching. I would offer…if YOU are hearing the unspoken…go with it..it’s probably real. HAha!
You also mentioned having confidence as a coach. It seems this is a perennial concern with all coaches…. Maybe intended to keep us humble and close to the earth? – For me, confidence is naturally there when I arrive to the present moment…complete. I don’t have a concern with confidence…more the integrity (and the maintenance of) that provokes and supports confidence for me. Part of maintaining the integrity of nature connected coaching, for me, IS being humble and consistently ground to mother earth.
Do we just embrace our own vulnerabilities, accept our lack confidence, and step out in trust anyway? This is a really interesting question. I relate to vulnerability as an access to true power. So bringing vulnerability into my coaching happens early and often. If I arrive to a coaching opportunity moment, and I’m not “complete with my stuff”, and a lack of confidence shows up…I’ll forever remember what I learned at the Starhouse with Cohort 19. To separate my personal “stuff” from what is possible for the client through my coaching presence and powerful listening. To complete my responses…it is so appropriate that you addressed trust. I thought about stepping out and trusting anyway…and tend to take that route with clients. Our clients are amazing and miraculous people. It’s my honor to step out with them and trust them…which is to trust mother earth and myself.
Love
R
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David- you reflected about the threshold and wrote, “It can be difficult to remember a lot of the details because I feel like I’m in another dimension when I’m in threshold.”
This is something I have experienced as well. I know the two of us shared with each other our recent vision fast experiences and the details of our times out on the land. Even though we each spent days out on our fasts it IS hard to remember many of the details. Time does seem to shift and the inner work going on seems to take over the concept of time. What this makes me think about more deeply is how we as coaches will witness transformation with our clients but the transformation that our clients are feeling goes way beyond what we actually see and that it continues into incorporation as well. There’s sacredness in the unspoken and in the experience that cannot ever be fully explained but only experienced.
And, to answer your question… “what qualities of yours as a coach will elicit this same type of dropping in from your clients when they arrive that day with the inhibitions you felt?” I feel that my honesty, wide-open heart, and ability to see my clients as whole when they arrive, will help me to create a container in which my clients will feel safe and loved. My passion for helping others fuels my work as a coach!
And to answer your other question,”in what ways are you saying “f*ck yeah to all parts of your life TODAY? 🙂” First, thank you for asking- and for encouraging me to live my best life friend. I’ve stepped up and have made my first video about coaching on facebook and have shared how I am offering free coachings to people in need right now. I’m also committing to absolutely crystal clear communication in all areas of my life and to asking for crystal clear clarification. It’s amazing how much of a difference these changes make. My life is opening up in so many ways due to this- personally and professionally.
I love how you and Gabby have been getting out on the land together and am so inspired by both of you! My question for you is, “has your coaching impacted the way you parent?”
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Maria,
Loved reading your writing and reflection on the subject of TRUST. You said, “I continue to find that TRUST is the area of greatest growth for me… I need to root into humility and trust– trust that what needs to be said and what needs to be experienced will spring forth from the container formed between the client, myself, and the Land.”
This reminds me of the essentiality of taking time with the clients, ourselves and the land to create a sacred container of safety, trust, connection, and space… for the growth and intention to develop in. I can think back to so many different times when I was working with a professional on personal growth and a container was not set. I know that from my experience being guided by you that your gift of connecting with people will most definitely make your clients feel supported and at ease.
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Susan, I am seeing those ways you are showing up in the F Yeah way of being in all of our communications and it makes me so happy!
Coaching is absolutely impacting my parenting!! I am HEARING way more from her than I have ever heard. And by that I mean I am hearing beyond her actual words. I find myself asking her open ended questions a lot to get her thinking more abstractly about different things. When we’re in nature together, I invite her to lead, I don’t speak a lot and I sense myself taking on her powerful sense of playfulness and curiosity. We get down in the dirt and investigate together and I challenge her to identify what we’re looking at. Coaching has added a dynamic to our relationship that I have been seeking since I moved here. It’s incredibly special. Thanks for asking about that 🙂
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James,
“One thing I hear consistently is that my clients would like to receive more “of me”…As I balance how much agenda to hold for format and experience, I am also finding it necessary to learn to balance my personal input and to have practices that help me to distill that which is true wisdom and helpful to share with that which isn’t.”
Yes, this is so well said and a deep learning edge for all coaches and guides. We are there to hold space for the client and learn that this is the client’s time and about the client’s process. And also, we are humans sitting across from each other sharing a human experience. And as much of our wounding and challenge arises out of relationship, the potential for healing and growth exists within relationship as well. We as coaches and guides are an essential ingredient to the recipe for our client’s growth. And it is a personal journey of self discovery to explore where the appropriate line is for when and how much of ourselves we share while at the same time keeping the focus and intention on the client’s highest good.
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Deanna,
This is such great awareness and so important for us to continue to hold in mind as coaches and guides:
“Crossing the “threshold” is like crossing one massive edge. To cross that edge, I must feel safe, trusting of my guide/coach, and have a clear plan. Otherwise, I will not want to cross. ….By my coach trusting in my process, empowering me, and reassuring my safety, I feel safe and ready to be in the threshold, explore new edges, and maybe even cross new edges.”
How sacred the threshold space is, and just how important and impactful it is for us as guides to create and hold with the fierceness of a mama bear the safety of the container!