PW2 Jan2021 Discussion Forum

[mariarosagalter]

Here is the partswork reflection I posted on the Long Term Coaching discussion:

Here is the update:
I have been working with this client for several months now, without a long term coaching plan. However, at our last session, I had suggested that partswork could be a great approach for him to work with the conflicting energies he is holding and gain clarity on what is going on in his interior landscape. I proposed that we begin partswork. He was interested and agreed that he would like to try it. To prepare for today’s session, I did some more research on Carl Jung’s use of the mandala for his own self-exploration (so awesome!), and I created a “Facets of the Self” handout that explains partswork in my own words. In the document, I outlined what the partswork process would look like and prepared my client for our first 3 hour initial partswork session. As I mentioned above, we had our initial partswork session this morning and it was so cool!!!!! He really “got it” and we were able to explore a part of himself that wants to run the show.

Brief background on client: My client is a 62 year old man who is pondering his next phase in life. He describes himself as codependent, always needing to be in a relationship and terrified of being alone. Prior to the pandemic, he broke up with his latest relationship and has faced the pandemic alone. This has been incredibly difficult for him and he also sees how it has benefited him. He realizes that he needs to be comfortable being alone. He knows his need to please other so they won’t leave him is rooted in his childhood experience of being emotionally abandoned by his mother. This fear of being alone prevents him from taking healthy steps forward. He wants to create his own “playbook” and wants to learn how to express his preferences and opinions without fearing the loss of the relationship. He is very extroverted, gregarious, and loves people.

After we went through an overview of partswork, and after I had shared my mandala and my experience in creating it, he began to create his own mandala and identify his parts. We did some interview work with Soul to strengthen and bring awareness to that part prior to interviewing other parts. The part he wanted to focus on was his “People Lover” part. Through the interview process, “People Lover” saw the gifts he brings to the system, “without me, John (not his real name) would not know his neighbors”, and “I want people to feel seen”. People Lover wants to be in charge and has a hard time letting other parts experience themselves because he is so curious about people and want to feel that connection. As People Lover was speaking, he could hear other parts say that sometimes People Lover brings chaos into the system because sometimes the people he brings in create disruption and trouble. People Lover realized that he wanted to bring the “good kind of trouble” and needed help with boundaries. People Lover wanted to tell Soul he needed help discerning when trouble was good and when it was chaotic. Through the process, People Lover was able to tell this to Soul and ask for help. People Lover realized that this pattern started in childhood and because it was a childhood pattern, because he so wanted to connect with his mother and others in his life but he did not have the analytical ability to discern what types of relationships were good for him. He needed help from the rest of the system and wanted to help bring harmony to the whole. Then Soul spoke to People Lover and told him he “had his back” and would help him.
It was a very powerful experience to witness and be a part of as a guide. Later, my client went for a walk with his parts, saw a flock of geese as they grouped in formation and continued to fly in harmony. He wrote to me “Started the walk talking with all the parts as they felt needed, especially People Lover. At one point, a small flow of geese flew over, with two flying short distance ahead from the main group. As they moved away, I could see the main group catching up and flying the efficient V formation. The Soul and People Lover were joined by the other parts for a harmonious alignment, and the rest of the walk was fantastic. And cold, but I never felt alone and hardly noticed the cold.”

My client is eager to do more partswork and I’m so happy he finds it helpful. I love doing this work!

[Gina Lobito]

@Maria,
I noticed your client is 62-year-old. I love that he feels comfortable to seek out coaching and be open to change and create his “own playbook” That’s awesome! I witness you confidently working with parts works. I can see how supporting him and giving him space for parts of himself “people lover” to be expressed. You create a safe space for the client to to explore parts of himself and also bringing in the geese. What a beautiful metaphor and visual of collaboration and synergy of the geese to create sense of flow and harmony as they flew together. For the client to have the awareness of “The Soul and People Lover were joined by the other parts for a harmonious alignment, and the rest of the walk was fantastic. And cold, but I never felt alone and hardly noticed the cold.” Just beautiful. I am excited to feel the clients excitement to continue the work. This is a powerful example of Nature Connected Life Coaching and working with Partswork.

[Leslie Wier]

Maria it sounds like you’ve really put a lot of work into setting up that initial Partswork session! Would you be open to sharing the materials you developed for it? I always find it helpful to see examples of how other coaches do things in order to inform my own practice. No worries if not!

[mariarosagalter]

@gmlobito1

Hi Gina, Thanks so much for your feedback. It is beautiful and exciting to see when things “click” for another person. The fact that the clinet did not “feel alone” was so powerful since he has been strugging with loneliness during COVID. As he moves to know himself and his parts, he begins to create his own soul-guided “playbook”. It really is a joy to support him as he does this. =)

[Ivy Walker]

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[David Fontaine]

Initial Post:
I have started working with a client who is focusing on quieting her mind. She feels that she is not present a lot of the time because of thinking of past and future. She also has a desire to build a stronger relationship with nature and be more comfortable trying new activities outdoors. This client has a sex/love addiction which she openly shared in her intake with me and stated that working with a male coach will be a challenge for her. She’s in a 12 step program working on healthy relationships and that has been going well. She has a sponsor to check in with. Although, she made a comment that she really wants to face working with a man head on and is going to try really hard to work the steps, but that she will probably go back to her old ways and ruin this because her addiction will take over. I kind of just filed that away in my mind and knew that I wanted to do some work with that when the time was right. I think sharing knowledge of the stages of change is important here so she understands that snapbacks can happen and that doesn’t mean the fight to overcome ends. Supplementing that knowledge with partswork could be very impactful for her. She’s an ideal client to do partswork with. She has a good understanding of who she is but I don’t think she is making the connection that her addiction could be a part of her. I am eager to have her identify her parts and spend time with her to interview them to gain better understanding of her as a whole. I plan to share my mandala with her so she can see how it works and explain who some of the parts are. I happen to have an addict part and I wonder how that will land for her. I think her seeing her parts while working with her mandala would create awareness within her that could help her see the bigger picture as it relates to her addiction. I want her to see which parts are present when addictive behavior is taking place or when she is in situations that could trigger that behavior. We could work on identifying what is needed in those times that can support her desire to have healthier relationships. What other parts can be useful. Soul could potentially have insight on that. And if she has an addict part, can we find healthier solutions for that part to use when triggers are present? I see these partswork sessions taking place in nature where she finds things in nature to represent her parts. This will help her to get it outside of her and give her different perspective. It also opens up the field for nature to collaborate and provide insight. My intent here is not to do a lot of direct work with her on this because of the nature of the issue and me not having the proper training in addiction recovery. But I want to create a foundation for her of how to use it as a tool for herself that she can use in conjunction with her 12 step program. While we are working through creating that, I do want to ask her if she thinks it would be beneficial for her sponsor and I to be in contact.

[Leslie Wier]

David what an interesting coaching situation, and I can’t help but think that you are the perfect coach for her. I historically have always felt challenged by being vulnerable with the opposite sex but around you I’ve always felt very comfortable and safe. I know you’ll be able to create a safe space for growth for her.

I think the idea of explaining snap backs to clients can be incredibly validating for them. A while back I was reading a book on habit change and the way it was described was really to easy to understand. When you’re creating new habits and ways of being, in your brain you’re not erasing the old habits and patterns, you’re writing over them. So, the old patterns will peek through from time to time, and will certainly still be visible in the beginning when you’ve only just started writing new patterns. I’ve always found that metaphor resonates well.

[David Fontaine]

Leslie and Gina, thank you both for your belief in my ability to coach this client! Definitely not a scenario I thought I’d find myself in but the relationship is going incredibly well so far!

[Gina Lobito]

@ David,
You’re sharing regarding your client’s awareness of her addiction and behaviors. It feels it’s masterful, how you file it away, and know when to apply a coaching technique what the clients gets to a place within herself that shows you she’s ready to go to the next step. It’s also interesting how the client is already setting herself up to for relapse because that’s the pattern she knows. I have no doubt should she continue to work with you, and when the moment arises for the connection of the addiction is part of her, that you will handle this with grace, care, compassion, and space for her to see herself and this part of herself in a new way as she becomes comfortable in loving herself.

This reminds me how important it is that we do no always know what’s going on behind the scenes with a client, and the importance of the intake process, so as a coach something to draw from as well has creating a setting and clear foundation to work from with the client in a collaborative way.

David, thank you for your sharing. Your experiences bring light and insight.

Gina

[Leslie Wier]

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[Leslie Wier]

Hi all! For some reason the learning center will let me post other replies, but won’t let me post my initial post. Trying to get it up but I appreciate your patience!

[Leslie Wier]

Initial Post

I’m finding this post to be a little challenging to write, mostly because I’ve realized that Partswork is not a tool that I want to be using right now in my coaching. I find Partswork to be exhausting for me as the coach and I also realize that it’s something that is not as accessible for many clients as some other tools and methodologies are.

I could see using Partswork with a client who has done a lot of internal work on themselves already and is ready to dive even deeper into that work. Because paying attention to language used is so important, I think it needs to be used with someone who can articulate themselves well and generally has experience talking about and exploring their inner wilderness. For people who are newer to self-exploration, I feel like Partswork could be a challenge.

So hypothetically speaking, I could see Partswork being used in a couple of different ways with the client. It could be used from the very beginning, almost like a specific program package the coach would offer for potential clients. You might advertise Partswork as one of your primary coaching methodologies like these businesses do: (The system will not recognize my post with the links in the text or embedded as html, so I’ve included the names)

Mandala Consulting, LLC
Center for Creative Choice

It could also be something that the coach realizes might be helpful for a client in the midst of working with them, that the coach then suggests as a potential methodology for moving forward with the client. One thing that comes to mind when thinking about Partswork as a tool to use with clients, and any tool or methodology in general, has to do with client Strengths. I think it’s important to choose tools and methodologies that fit the Strengths of a client, and so having a robust toolbox is important. At the same time, if you know all you want to do is Partswork, then advertising as such would essentially be your niche. I think because I work with a lot of different, diverse groups of people in my coaching right now, the former is more important for me.

One of the biggest benefits of learning about Partswork for me is in how it’s improved my tracking. In this sense, I would still like to keep Partswork in mind as a coach because I’m able to start seeing different parts within my client as I’m coaching and then pick up on interjects and internal dynamics as a result. Paying attention to the different parts I see in a client helps me to see ambivalence also, which is something I heavily focus on when using Motivational Interviewing.

[Amber McCormick]

Leslie, this is such valuable personal insight you have here. What I love about this program is the variety of tools we are taught. Every tool isn’t going to be a fit for every coach and recognizing what works and doesn’t work for you is such a gift for your clients. I’m sure they will feel the disconnect if we try to use a tool we aren’t comfortable with. I am personally very drawn to partswork and my ideal clients have personality traits that are very introspective and they process deeply (and aren’t afraid of it). So, I think partswork is a good fit for many of them. Gestalt, on the other hand, is too intense and “in your face” for my coaching style. Similar to what you mentioned with partswork, I see gestalt helpful in deepening my listening as I watch clients body language while we interact. Thank you for your authenticity in sharing that partswork doesn’t feel like a great fit for you as a coach. It brought a lot of clarity to me around which tools resonate with my coaching style and which do not..

[mariarosagalter]

@david.fontaine2
David, I agree that partswork could be very useful for your client, and like you, I am also curious about how she will respond to your “addict” part. Its great that she can name her behavior, has enough self-awareness to address this head on, and that she is in a program. Partswork could really strengthen her ability to be her own observer from the place of the compassionate Soul. It’s hard to work with parts we want to reject, so strengthening her capacity for self-compassion seems so important. I noticed she said “that she will probably go back to her old ways and ruin this because her addiction will take over”–I wonder how what she said struck you? What comes up for you?

[mariarosagalter]

@lesliewier
Thanks for your post and I’m glad you finally got it to work!!!! =)

It seems you have clear self-awareness around what energizes you as a coach and that partswork is not something you want to offer right now in your coaching practice. I agree with you that partswork can be very client specific and issue specific. Like you said, “I think it’s important to choose tools and methodologies that fit the Strengths of a client, and so having a robust toolbox is important.” Not every client will resonate with partswork and being able to tune into what might resonate with a client is important. It’s like speaking the language of the client. We tune to the client’s words and worldview to orient us as we support them in their goals. It is their baseline we are tuning into. I’m curious to know what types of client goals you think partswork could support?

[Leslie Wier]

Great question Maria! One thing that’s really become more clear for me recently is the idea of transitional coaching vs. transformational coaching. While both are goal oriented, I think transitional style coaching is more in alignment with what I do for Noom as a health coach – setting goals based on a wellness vision, identifying strategies for achieving those goals and strategizing for accountability. It’s very tangible. In contrast you have transformational coaching which is exactly what it sounds like – developing awareness for deep internal transformation. It’s often amorphous and intangible. Sometimes they overlap. The skills at the ACC and PCC levels of certification for the ICF are really in alignment more with the former while the skills for the MCC level of certification with the latter. I think Partswork is probably more ideal for the latter also. If I have a 30 minute health coaching session with a client, Partswork certainly isn’t ideal. In a situation like that I need to look at how to help move the client forward in the most efficient way, and Partswork isn’t it. But if a client is looking to develop a deeper awareness and understanding of themselves long term, I think Partswork could be great.

[mariarosagalter]

@lesliewier

Thanks for your observations in your reply, Leslie. I really appreciate the different styles of coaching and how they might resonate for us. Your post helped me to have clarity on what resonates more for me and when an client might need transitional vs transformational coaching. Like you noted, I tend more towards the transformational, and would like to be available to support someone if they are looking for transitional coaching as well. Thanks for pointing this out!!!!

[David Fontaine]

@mariarosagalter
Maria, it sounds like you were able to accomplish the interviewing of parts AND do some partswork all in one shot here. That’s fantastic! This is a great example of being open and flexible as a coach. It seems like this naturally went into some work and you were ready to support that. What do you identify as the want and deeper need in this session with your client?

I love how your client integrated his partswork in nature on his walk and what a beautiful example of nature collaborating in his process! I’m curious if you were able to establish any other ways for him to incorporate his experience. And how will soul help him in discerning good from bad trouble as it comes up?

[David Fontaine]

@mariarosagalter

Maria, Thank you for your feedback on my post! In response to your question: I definitely had some concerns in hearing that she was thinking relapse was a possibility in terms of her addictive behavior, specifically because she had also shared that this had happened before with a personal trainer she was working with. That relationship turned intimate. While I have no concerns at all on my end of anything like that happening, I know I need to be very tuned into how she’s doing with our time together. She has been very open so that is telling me that I have established a safe container for her. She has committed to being 100% open about anything that might come up for her regarding any feelings or urges. I know that this opportunity for her to do personal work with a man and have it be successful is a big step for her. She knows that avoiding men altogether is not realistic and therefore wants to challenge herself. The worst that can happen here is that she has some feelings or urges that aren’t appropriate for this relationship. Acting on them will not be an option. So I’m curious what she’ll be able to learn even if that worst case scenario does happen. Thanks for your question!

[mariarosagalter]

@david.fontaine2

David, I sense in your response your own self-awareness and concern for your client. You are in touch with how her addiction might ripple through the guiding work you will be doing together. Your ability to set boundaries, stay “unattached” to her addiction, and be in touch with and work through what comes up for you is so important. How you show up as a guide, or your “coaching mindset” will guide you to what is best for your client. She seems to have a lot of self-awareness also and glad she has a therapist to support her as well.

[David Fontaine]

@lesliewier
Leslie, I can’t help but wonder how effective partswork could be for your clients in the Noom world!

I 100% agree on your assessment of the ways partswork could be offered. I’m finding that it’s not something I want to offer as a standalone package but I’m keeping this tool in my back pocket for opportunities that might arise with the right client during normal sessions. I agree with what you said as well about the tools fitting the client’s strengths and I would add abilities to that. Not all clients will have the ability to identify or access their parts at will. In my post for example, this is a client that from what I know about her and my gut feeling that partswork could be a good fit, it’s enough for me to at least broach the subject with her and see how it lands. I do like that partswork is something that, once a client is familiar with it, they can do some of their own facilitation for themselves. I see this being beneficial in the time between sessions, especially. For me as a coach, that is the dreaded time, haha! What is going to happen between sessions that could blow this work we’ve done to pieces?

[Leslie Wier]

David I often have the same fears about the in-between sessions! The question you asked at the end, “What is going to happen between sessions that could blow this work we’ve done to pieces?” sparked something in me. What if at the end of a session we asked a client, “What needs to happen between our sessions to make sure the work we’ve done in our sessions sticks?” That feels like a great place to partner with the client for accountability and longevity of that “intention” that’s set in threshold.

[mariarosagalter]

Hi Leslie and David,

Great conversation going…. I think a key piece to a client being successful with their ow partswork is to spend time as a coach laying a strong and compassionate foundation with their Soul part. Once they know how to drop into their compassionate core, or Soul, they can hold space for their other parts with self-compassion and without judgement. As you say, David, the vulnerable time is between sessions. The client needs to have a strong understanding of the role of Soul as a place of non-judgement, radical self-acceptance, while being self-directive to the parts as well. My client described the Soul as the place on the top of the hill, where you have a clear view of everything and from where you can see where you need to go. He also described partswork as a way to “recenter”. It is scary to enter into that level of vulnerability and honesty and trust is key for partswork to be as authentic as possible. That’s why I think as a coach, it seems that really establishing and strengthening the place of Soul within the system is time well spent.

[Leslie Wier]

Maria this is a fantastic point, “The client needs to have a strong understanding of the role of Soul as a place of non-judgement, radical self-acceptance, while being self-directive to the parts as well.” And thinking about this, I could see that someone who is highly critical of themselves and unable to practice self-compassion may have a very difficult time with Partswork. I wonder if that might necessitate first developing a foundation of non-judgement and radical self-acceptance before diving into Parswork with a client. I do think that a specific set of internal psychological resources could make Partwork more effective for a client.

[mariarosagalter]

@lesliewier

Hi Leslie, I agree with you. I think working on the foundation of self-acceptance/self-love is the first step–this is the strengthening of the Soul part in us. So for me, it seems that the first step in partswork is to give space for Soul to be fully embodied/perceived. As guides, we can step into the role of Soul for the client as the client strengthens their own capacity to hold this space for themselves. We model “Soul” for the client until they can fully exerience their Soul space.

[Gina Lobito]

Initial Post:
I have client, that has been working with the part of her that has a need for lists when she feels her mind is overthinking. She realizes that the list making does not always support her. We jokingly said, oh, it’s like you make lists for your lists…:). The beautiful piece is that she is recognizing this part of her becomes more prevalent when there a lot of unknowns and possibilities, and she finds that the “list maker” as she calls this part of herself supports her in bringing clarity and focus, so she thought. We have been working together every 2 to 3 weeks and she has made beautiful progress in recognizing when “the list maker” is moving in a direction that is not harmonious with her system.

Daily ritual and practices of Yoga, walking the dog, self care time, like taking baths or reading, have been supporting her to calm her system and quiet her mind. It’s supporting her to calm the “list maker” and what she describes as an overactive mind which would normally lead to a lot of hurried tasks, but nothing getting completed.

She recently took an emergency trip out of the country for family reasons. When she returned we had a session and she realized, how she was out of her daily practice and found it challenging to create the space for herself while she was away. When she returned to home from traveling, she was experiencing the unknown choices of return to work and teaching in the classroom or continuing on zoom along with her and her partner wanting to buy property. She is also considering changing career right now. Naturally her mind was beginning to go into overdrive and the “list maker” was becoming more active and she noticed the daily practice was supporting her stay in a more grounded and focussed state, present, and in the moment. Hence, calming the “list maker”.

I acknowledge what a wonderful thing to recognize and experience the contrast of what her body felt like when keeping her daily practice and what her body felt like when she was not in her daily practice. I asked what concern stood out to her the most right now. She said work, she’s been feeling the “list maker” creating more lists. She was not feeling focused or grounded. This is where I recognize the importance of being grounded when doing parts work not only being able to assist the client get into a grounded safe space, but also as the guide/coach. It’s important for me to be grounded as I guide her in connecting to her. She was open to a guided meditation/visualization that was based on what she wanted the process of preparing her class for teaching would look like. Once the meditation was completed, she felt more grounded and was able to connect with “the list maker” with much more ease and focus, and in a more grounded state. I asked her what she wanted the experience to be like? She stated, “Enjoy the Process.” We were able to complete the session on this positive note, and she already put a plan in place for self care, and simplifying her daily ritual practice that is accessible at any moment. Breathing, “surrender breaths” is a key practice, and just pausing, and “enjoy the process” She also added using intention and programming the Reticular Activator System. I am excited for her to see how it goes, adding daily intention to her practice.

While I realize partswork can and is complex, and as a coach or client one can become lost or feel unstable quickly. I realize the importance of assisting the client in having a grounded state before beginning the process. Also important the coach to be in a grounded state and be open to acknowledge if things feel a bit lost, come back to the grounded safe place and allowing the pause for the client to process and discover the unknown of the part.

[Leslie Wier]

Gina something you said stuck out to me and it’s not something I had really explicitly considered before in regards to Partswork, “…one can become lost or feel unstable quickly. I realize the importance of assisting the client in having a grounded state before beginning the process.” You’re absolutely right of course, and just making a connection, this reminded me of resourcing. Just another context in which resourcing could be a powerful way to support a client.

[mariarosagalter]

@gmlobito1

Gina, I love how you used humor in your session with your client! I can just see the part that makes list making lists for the list maker part…. ha ha! It seems that your client feels disorganized even while being so organized and she spins in her overwhelm and maybe overcommitment (?). Through your guiding you opportunities for her to become more grounded, more in the body, and she was able to pause and breathe. I can feel that in my body myself as I connect with your guiding session. Through your guidance, she was able to move out of her limbic system response to her PFC, where she could experience more tranquility and clarity. Maybe her world stopped spinning for a little while. I wonder where you see her in the Four Shields model?

[Deanna]

Hey Gina, I have a friend and practice client (dual relationship) who is a list maker as well. She is also very analytically oriented, and doesn’t fully understand what it means to be in “soul”. I’ve done Partswork with her once, but it was challenging because she was unclear about what it felt like to be in “soul”. I wonder if your client is like this as well? I watched the Partswork 2 webinar, and I recall you talking about a client who is very logic-oriented and trouble connecting with soul. Curious if this is the list-maker client.

Your post reminds me of the importance of grounding our clients, especially those who have trouble connecting with soul. I also think that Partswork will not be effective (rather potentially confusing and overwhelming) if our clients don’t have a strong connection with soul.

[Amber McCormick]

Gina, you bring up a great point here around self-care, groundedness, and the level of activation of parts. There are a few things that come to mind. One being how self-care affects the parts. It would be interesting to explore which parts become more activated when self-care is missing. I imagine that there are a few that become more activated to try to keep things together. I think this would be especially interesting with clients who are parents, or struggle with codependendancy, as they would be the likely ones to put everyone’s needs above their own. Which parts become activated? What is it’s role- is it to fight for their need for self-care, or is it a busy, overworking, logical part trying to keep all the plates spinning (like her list maker)? What is this dynamic informing the system?

The other point that really struck me is around groundedness and effect of us helping clients center and ground at the start of a partswork session. I can see this being useful in a few ways. If the client is really overwhelmed, especially if they can easily access their part, I can see grounding as a helpful way to keep them in an optimal arousal state so that coaching is effective. On the other hand, if it’s a client that isn’t in overwhelm and if they have a hard time accessing their parts, then I would think it would be beneficial not to ground so they could connect to the activated part to get into the system.

Thank you for bringing these ideas forward. They both make me very curious as a guide to watch these dynamics in my clients in my work with them.

[Gina Lobito]

At David and Maria and Leslie
yes, nice dialouge with regard to to the client having a strong sense of soul, to thing the client would also need a strong sense of self and awareness. It’s interesting to have the understanding of soul and it’s role while also cultivating a space for the client to discover parts of themselves.

Yes, I agree that Partswork would be a good tool to compliment coaching, as opposed to a stand alone practice. Leslie, I like how you bring in the self assessment piece to this work and building off the clients strengths. There is so much occurring, when working with parts work. I personally would not want to work with partswork with a client unless they had a strong practice in place, and resourcing available to them, as well as the client and I have built a strong foundation and trust in working with each other.

[Gina Lobito]

Yes, what happens between sessions. So much happens in between sessions. It’s time for integration, but it’s vulnerable time for the client. They are working with a new version, and awareness of themself. Trying to navigate a sense of of the world because part of themself changed. This is where ritual and mythic image can assisting during the in between of sessions. The ritual can support the integration, creating a new neuro network pattern. This is where I resilience is strengthened and the cient need to remember their “why”.