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Working with Trauma Discussion July 2020
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19 Replies
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The main lesson I learned from the last toolbox is the purpose and potential of a strong integration ritual after a session. I had thus far been “writing off” the integration element of a session as less important than the threshold or severance element. Before I started the NCC program, I spent a lot of energy seeking peak threshold experiences. these experiences were sometimes healthy, most often unhealthy, and never consciously did I go through severance, set an intention or have any form of integration ritual afterward, besides occasionally having homework assigned by a mentor/facilitator.
The more I learn about the process, and how the process works in relationship to the human animal’s psyche, the more I am both blown away by it’s holistic power and excited to be given the gift of wielding this powerful gift for my community. It feels like a sacred rite and spiritual practice for me. That being said, I am also humbled at my own novice-hood when I make a mistake or am unable to help someone take the next step in their growth.
In sessions with my clients since the Toolbox, I have been holding the three phases of a session all with equal importance. I can explain how the integration rituals are just as important as the peak experience that was had in threshold, even though it may feel like “work” to see through.
As I continue to learn at the toolboxes, I see how all the information connects together, including many things I have learned previously. As the connections within my web of knowledge increase, the ways in which I interact with my clients shift and change also, in subtle and nuanced ways. That makes it a little more difficult to identify with clarity how each toolbox or piece of information changes the way I relate to any particular client. -
James,
Thank you for sharing your experience with threshold and how sometimes that can be healthy or unhealthy. What a wonderful realization of the importance of severance process and ritual.. By remembering each component of guiding and coaching has purpose. I am reminded of how intuitive you are the patience you show clients during a coaching/guiding session. Just that there is nowhere to rush the client to, and you bring wisdom of your own experiences in addition to knew learning through EBI. It’s beautiful growth I witness as you becoming more confident in coaching and guiding client. -
There are so many take-aways- from this toolbox, so much new information for me. One of the main take-aways from this session is I am reminded of the innate wisdom to heal and self sooth that is inherently within us and around us. As coach or client there are times we need a little reminder of our ability to support ourselves. Recognizing the resources that already exist within my life and the clients life is important piece to the foundation that supports recognizing where I am at within myself, preparing for a client and so forth. Also for the client to recognize what already exist for them self. Also, as David expressed during the webinar, it may be helpful to know what the clients resources are in preparation for working with the client. It may enhance the coaching ability and knowing what the client may be comfortable with. Resourcing and somatic exercises really stands out and is something I would like to continue to explore when working with clients. I found it supportive to recognize symptoms of trauma, and how subtle these symptoms may be expressed. Having the ability to guide a client to more self awareness through use of somatic exercises guiding them from limbic state to a cognitive state is very powerful. Remember that working with TRAUMA does not have to be big scary. Trauma already exist within all of us. Recognizing the trigger and having awareness of what is being experienced in the moment and just meet it, meet your client, and myself in the present moment. Remembering there is nothing to fix, we are already whole.
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This toolbox has given me so many resources I can use when working with a client. I realize that though the client might not be in an active trauma response, the very act of recalling memories that may be blocking forward movement can be re-traumatizing. Powerful memories can activate the “lower road circuit” and send us into a spin of story, reactivating emotions as we relive the event as if it was just happening. Our nervous system does not know the difference between the memory or a present moment experience. As we work with clients, we can notice shifts in their baseline, sometimes obvious, sometimes subtle. They come to us to guide them as they move forward from possibly painful and paralyzing events that have become part of their wiring. They want to be a new image of themselves, one in which the past no longer has such dominance. Sifting through their expriences in order to understand the connections to the present responses and behaviors can be very painful.
A new client I am working with feels stuck in the reprosessing of painful memories. She has done a lot of work with therapists, EMDR specialists, and has done somatic work to “heal, become whole, and integrate”. While very important, the work of feeling her emotions in order to understand how her past experiences connect with her present moment thoughts/beliefs/attitudes/behaviors, it leaves her in a continuous state of limbic system activation. She is ready to move on to a new image of herself. She is ready for transition and transformation. It is clear she is far along the “contemplation” stage and ready for what’s next. During the initial zoom intake session, we began with some resourcing and grounding–guiding her to find things within her home that she finds beautiful, letting her enjoy the pleasure it gives her. This simple exercise of observing and enjoying moved her into an open state of relaxation and abundance. As the intake session continued, and later discussed how the brain works in respose to trauma and how memories are wired, she became visibly excited. It was as if a light-bulb turned on for her. This knowledge alone gave her tremendous hope. As she absorved this information on how her brain is beautifully made to protect her through the “low road circuit” and how, as she growns in self-awareness, she can choose to shift into the “high road circuit”, she shifted from “I don’t trust myself” to “I believe deep inside that I am capable of having relationships that are not attachment-based”, “I am my best authority”, “I know more about me than anyone else”, “I have within me what I need”, and finally “Movement, I need movement!” She said this last statement as she excitedly swung her arms up in the air with exhileration!
What a powerful and hopefilled way to be!
This toolbox increased my confidence as a coach. The educational information increases the clients self-awareness and their ability to make new choices for themselves. It gives them the tools they need to create their own change.
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Hi James and Gina,
Thanks so much for your posts.
James, the more I learn about ritual and myth-making, the more I see the tremendous importance of this step. Like you, I struggled with the integration part of the ceremony. Since the “integration” is the last part of the ceremony, I often felt time-pressured and unable to fit in a meaningful integration. Now I realize how ritual is the “way” to take the “aha” moment of the threshold and continue to weave the experience into the clients new mythic being. Thanks for bringing this up!
Gina, You state that “resourcing and somatic exercises really stands out and is something I would like to continue to explore when working with clients”. I agree that this is so important! What are some somatic exercises that have been meaningful for you? How have you approached clients who don’t have as much body awareness as others or who might be “shy” to move into their body? I have a client right now who would rather just sit and talk than move…. Thoughts?
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I went into this practice session wondering how I could possibly use or apply the concepts learned in the trauma segment of the last intensive. In my mind, the only opportunity to do that would have been if trauma had presented during the session. Through some discussion with the cohort, I gained some insight into how this might look. I think my curiosity around it must have led to my session going the way it did….and it showed me exactly how some of the concepts apply, even when trauma is not presenting itself. This was my first session with this client I’ll name Rachel for this share. From the intake discussion, I learned Rachel has a great deal of trauma that is very much present in her life and she works with a therapist and does some EMDR work as well. I explained that our work together might explore some of the beliefs and behaviors that resulted from the trauma but that her work on resolving the trauma will be best suited for her therapists. Rachel’s Mom passed when she was 8 years old and her Dad was neglectful to her and her siblings. It is evident through the discussion that Rachel thrives best in her adult life when she is directed or led by someone else, when she “follows rules”. She can be paralyzed by very simple decisions at times, even choosing what she wants to eat. And my mind made some notes around this and how her lack of parent presence as a child plays into how she’s living today. The topic she brought to this session was around maintaining and holding to her boundaries, specifically with her children and her husband. She wanted to walk while we discussed the topic in further detail and stopped herself early on and said “I feel like I’m really in my head right now”. I complimented her on her awareness of that and invited her to pause on the story and just continue walking. I wanted to bring her into her body. I asked her to focus her attention on her feet making contact with the ground. Within 4-5 steps she said “wow, that feels so much better!” I was somewhat impressed with myself and how I shifted gears from story into resourcing so I could help her find a calmer place to narrate from. With the success of that, I wanted to take it just a little further and invited her to focus her attention within herself and find a place that feels good or neutral. I could sense in her body language and posture that we’d established safety for her. She was very clear and concise in her story that followed and she appeared appropriately, emotionally connected to the different components of it. I could tell she was in the Contemplation Stage. While she had personally worked on this before, she was taking no current actions to maintain and hold to her boundaries. She had given back in to being overridden or believing that someone was abiding to them only to realize that was short term. Once they’d earned her approval, they went back to the same behaviors. She had never made it to the Maintenance Stage and she’d now circled back to Contemplation. Knowing where she was and wanting to create some curiosity about moving forward again, I wanted to collaborate with nature for insights. Our location was a lot busier with foot traffic than we planned on and she said that she wanted some space to process everything, saying that her story that she shared had really gotten some wheels turning. Inviting her to lead, we ended up on a short trail, dead-end trail I was very familiar with but had no idea how impactful this space would end up being for her. Before we stepped onto the trail by the sign post I explained the wander to her and asked her if she’d be interested in seeing what nature might have to show her while holding the thoughts and feelings she was experiencing. She was very receptive to it. The short version of this experience is that she keyed in on some things on the way down the trail that very much applied to her current life. The trail’s end has a short, wooden bridge that crosses a creek bed and ends at a small clearing that has a beautiful, restored pumphouse that pumps water to the ranger house. She stopped on the end of the bridge, although there was no blockade, no sign or anything preventing access to exploring the pumphouse area right in front of us (because it is intended to be a site you can explore). This further proved to me that she was in contemplation. Here we stood, on a bridge that left her current life situation behind us and very much showed signs of what her life could be on the other side, but she was reluctant to step onto the other side. I invited her to observe the other side from where we stood as though it was where she wanted to be in her life. Birds were alarming on the “new Rachel” side at something on the “old Rachel” side, but we were unable to determine why….until we turned to walk back over the bridge where we came from to find a fresh pile of scat at the foot of the bridge that was not there when we first passed that area! This was literally only 10 feet from where we were standing on the bridge. Something had come in and declared a boundary on her side (by marking its territory on the trail). She pondered this and said “yep, this looks a lot like how this side currently operates….someone shits all over my territory. That wouldn’t be possible on the other side of that bridge.” To close a very long share, my biggest take-aways from this as a coach is meet the client where they are and support that state of being with all of the resources you have. And stay in the flow!! Thanks for reading!
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Hello Maria! I wanted to chime in with some thoughts that came up for me around your observation that “I have a client right now who would rather just sit and talk than move”. First, could this be an indicator of how the client is perceiving your role in the relationship? Is the client clear that this isn’t talk therapy? I’m curious if her experience with therapists is influencing how she’s interacting with you.
Is it ok if she doesn’t want to move? I’m reminded of Michael’s “it’s not a problem until it’s a problem” quote. Is it the coach who wants to move or feels like movement is necessary or are there indicators within the client that are telling you that lack of movement is effecting results?
Just wanted to share my curiosities around this 🙂
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Summary post: Take-aways from Trauma Module
My biggest take-away from the trauma module, by far, is the concept of resourcing. Not only have I been doing this for myself since coming home from this intensive, but opportunities to use the tools we learned have been popping up for me everywhere, personally and professionally. I’m kind of mind blown by it. I messaged a friend recently and she happened to be having some very overwhelming and dreadful thoughts about her life right at that moment. This came with a lot of anxiety and tense sensations in her body. I asked her if she could go over to the window and look outside for something she found pleasing and describe it to me. She first saw the grass blowing in the wind, then noticed the rain and described that for me. Then, all of the sudden she said “what the hell just happened here?? I don’t feel any of the sensations I was just feeling before this!”. Then I explained the brain science behind the shifting of focus of attention. Being able to share these tools with people I love feels like such a gift. I’ve been asking practice clients to come up with internal, external and spiritual resources for themselves so they have awareness of what can support them. If they are comfortable sharing them with me as the coach, now I have some additional tools I can use in sessions with them, not just in traumatic or tense moments. For example, if I know being near the water is a strong resource for them, we can do our sessions there. Knowing their resources also gives me an idea of who/what might be in their vision council, even if they’re not aware they have one 🙂
Another big take-away for me is understanding how the brain is functioning during trauma. This is so important because I think a lot of people who deal with trauma tend to blame themselves for still living it. This kind of gets the blame off the self and onto the brain as a result of how it normally functions. Again, I have felt compelled to share this education with folks in my life who suffer with a great deal of trauma. I know that for them, the simple fact of learning about their brain can create new connections for them that can help them navigate their triggering times, or alter their reaction to triggers. I saw the power of knowledge firsthand years ago when I had a severe bout of panic for many months and started educating myself on what was happening to me. So now when I learn things, the people in my life that the information could help come right into my mind. It becomes this huge drive within me to share it.
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Summary
The Trauma Module was incredibly informative for me and confirmed so much of my own experience with past trauma. The somatic connection with the body is key to letting stuck energy flow through. The additional understanding of brain function opens a whole new world for me and I can now “see” what is happening within me when I process unpleasant emotions while engaging my body–dancing, walking, drawing…. My recent traumatic experience with my son’s wedding left so much unwanted emotions within me that I did not want to process. I wanted to “understand” their choice, thinking that by understanding, the strong fear-based stories and feelings I was experiencing would go away. My spiritual director encouraged me to detach from the need to understand, and instead, engage the emotions without judgement. Through somatic work, getting in touch with my body and experiencing what “detachment” feels like, I felt the freedom of being unattached to future-oriented expectations, assumptions, & anxieties, as well as the past-oreinted story. I could swing freely, above the void, AND could swing with the emotions of grief and sadness I needed to be with, detached from the resentments caused by projecting these emotions on my son and daughter in law. Through this somatic work, I was able to recognize another emotion that was deeply hidden–anger…. The vision came to me as a snake-dragon coiled deep in a dungeon, hiding from shame. Again, connecting with my body, I drew an image of the vision and spent time with the anger through the act of drawing, letting each movement of the pencil shine a light so it would feel seen and heard. Through extreme compassion for myself and my body sensations, I am now able to be with the difficult emotions I was repressing…without blame, without judgement for self or others. I gained insight (pre-frontal cortext) and was able to re-process the old story and create new meaning for myself. In my experience, allowing myself to be with emotions, feel them, move with them, while in the presence of my own compassion for self is the path to transforming the pain into something new. -
Thanks for your insights, David! Certainly something to think about. I do think that some of us are more comfortable in our bodies and enjoy experiencing movement while others are less comfortable. Perhaps just different personalities–some more intellectual rather than body-oriented. With more clarity, I see that my question to Gina is about how do we move someone who is more intellectual and conceptual into a body-based/sensation-based experience?
=)
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Maria,
thank you for the questions. For me the inclination of moving the body is very natural, but also done with purpose. I enjoy feeling the earth beneath my feet, and brining attention to the sensation of cool grass, or dry dirt, roughness or smoothness of a rock…it’s tactile. I found when I invite a client into an exercise, it’s with the invitation and opens based on what they are presenting to me and expressing. Then I invite the client if they would like try an exercise with me. I am not drawn to any particular one exercise per se, so much as I am drawn to what presents itself and feels right in the moment; applying exercises to a client, well, I am reminded to meet me the client where he/she is at, not where I want he/she to be. Not, that you asked me to share my thoughts of your client; however, if the client wants to sit and talk… that’s where they feel safe an empowered and I hold the space for that, trust, if and when there is an opportunity to bring awareness to the body I do, but it would be in accordance to where the client is. I could even move myself and ask the client, hey do you mind, I need to move a little, would you mind walking with me for a moment why we continue…then the body is moving, the client is still speaking, but not because I was trying to impose anything. It’s subtle and and gets physical and energetic movement, without the client thinking about it…. particularly if you have a client that’s in the “head” more than in the body. It reminds of karate kid, Wax on …Wax off…He is learning through tasks, not realizing what he is learning and training the body… -
@mariarosagalter
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with your client. I am inspired to read how explaining trauma and its connection to their brain made your client feel so much hope and trust for herself. It’s clear that starting with the grounding and relaxation practice was critical for setting the tone of the session and guiding your client into “an open state”.
For clients who are not wanting to move in a session, but are clearly caught in their head, I am curious how small/micro movements might affect the session (e.g. touching the ground below their seat, wiggling their toes on the ground, feeling the air/wind against their skin, gentle swaying, etc). Similar to what @gmlobito1 said, “it’s tactile”. Also, I’m curious about brining awareness to the body sensations that are present, and awareness to how they shift or “move” with attention, even while sitting.@david.fontaine2
David! I loved reading your session share! I am inspired in how asking your client to notice her feet while walking made such a big difference. I love how you took the somatic experiencing a step further, and asked her to find a place in her body that felt good or neutral. Then, you brought in the sacred wander, and she gained some seriously valuable insights from listening to nature. I love that you followed your intuition and took risks during the session! -
@James…I enjoyed your post here and what you got (and are getting) from recent work with your clients. I appreciated your authenticity and awareness around where you put your time and energy with clients…and where you didn’t. It sounds like you are really developing a whole process that works for you and is an improved experience for your clients. I’m inspired to bring equal importance to all of the stages of the process. I could see how talking about the process at the beginning of a session or prior to meeting…would be a powerful way to chart the course. Do you talk over the process with your clients at the beginning? With a new focus around integration…how have you been guiding and following up on integration with your clients after sessions?
– Always curious about your style
Love
R
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@Gina…thank you for your post. I’m also intrigued by resourcing and because of David’s share…I’ve added “resourcing” to my intake sheet questions. I agree…that knowing as much as possible about a client’s resources could be powerful. I just finished reading James’ post which brought my attention toward the end of the process…with integration. Your post brought my attention back to the beginning. Session preparation and self care. I appreciated sensing my own resources while I was reading your post. I’m inspired to build a flexible and adaptable routine to prepare for sessions. Besides resourcing…what else do you do or practice to prepare for a session?
Love
R
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The brain and trauma work has been the most challenging topics for me so far. The value that I’m taking away as a coach and human being is miraculous. I’m uncovering more about how my brain works and I’m learning about myself. I’m healing trauma and having conversations about what doesn’t work in my life. I thought I was here to learn how to coach others (haha). I feel like a new person. While I’m taking care of myself and doing “my own” work as a priority…I’m understanding more about the gifts we offer to our community as coaches. This miracle of feeling like a new person, having the experience of healing…is what I’m offering my clients and the community. I’m discovering newly…what it is means to guide/coach. I’m blown away by the power of resourcing. I have an increased awareness around (mine and others) stages of change. Mostly, I’m leaving with a profound connection to creating safety. This toolbox has shifted my coaching style from something I’m doing or somewhere I’m going…to me creating a safe environment in which communication can be heard. From this safe container, a co-creation can make way for infinite possibilities. I’m excited to continue to discover more about the brain and trauma and how it applies to my life and this coaching work.
Forever grateful