[Gina Lobito]

TAKE AWAYS.

Some main take aways with from this discussion are:

As a coach, taking a model, understanding it, and have the ability to frame it into our own words and expression in the way we use the model. The more I as a coach understanding what I am offering or working with will support me offering a stronger coaching presence. Having a clear explanation of Partswork for the client to understand is important as you move forward together with the work. Have a clear sense of the role of Soul is necessary.

Incorporating a client’s strengths, remember to allow the client to chose where he/she would like to begin in relation to the parts that have come up for them. The ability to offer resource during a session, in order to always know there is a “safe” “grounded” space for the client to return to if he/she becomes lost or feels a bit unstable with a part. This is also important for the couch. There is always space to pause, breath, access where the session is in the moment.

Parts work can be used a tool moving a client forward or a stand alone practice.

Knowing if a client has outside resources, (i.e. Therapist, other programs they are in like David’s client in the 12 step program). This also a reminder How important boundaries are and to keep clear boundary with clients and remember my role as a coach. It can be easier as trust is build that a client creates attachments with a coach that are not supportive to growth.

[Gina Lobito]

Yes, what happens between sessions. So much happens in between sessions. It’s time for integration, but it’s vulnerable time for the client. They are working with a new version, and awareness of themself. Trying to navigate a sense of of the world because part of themself changed. This is where ritual and mythic image can assisting during the in between of sessions. The ritual can support the integration, creating a new neuro network pattern. This is where I resilience is strengthened and the cient need to remember their “why”.

[Gina Lobito]

At David and Maria and Leslie
yes, nice dialouge with regard to to the client having a strong sense of soul, to thing the client would also need a strong sense of self and awareness. It’s interesting to have the understanding of soul and it’s role while also cultivating a space for the client to discover parts of themselves.

Yes, I agree that Partswork would be a good tool to compliment coaching, as opposed to a stand alone practice. Leslie, I like how you bring in the self assessment piece to this work and building off the clients strengths. There is so much occurring, when working with parts work. I personally would not want to work with partswork with a client unless they had a strong practice in place, and resourcing available to them, as well as the client and I have built a strong foundation and trust in working with each other.

[Gina Lobito]

Initial Post:
I have client, that has been working with the part of her that has a need for lists when she feels her mind is overthinking. She realizes that the list making does not always support her. We jokingly said, oh, it’s like you make lists for your lists…:). The beautiful piece is that she is recognizing this part of her becomes more prevalent when there a lot of unknowns and possibilities, and she finds that the “list maker” as she calls this part of herself supports her in bringing clarity and focus, so she thought. We have been working together every 2 to 3 weeks and she has made beautiful progress in recognizing when “the list maker” is moving in a direction that is not harmonious with her system.

Daily ritual and practices of Yoga, walking the dog, self care time, like taking baths or reading, have been supporting her to calm her system and quiet her mind. It’s supporting her to calm the “list maker” and what she describes as an overactive mind which would normally lead to a lot of hurried tasks, but nothing getting completed.

She recently took an emergency trip out of the country for family reasons. When she returned we had a session and she realized, how she was out of her daily practice and found it challenging to create the space for herself while she was away. When she returned to home from traveling, she was experiencing the unknown choices of return to work and teaching in the classroom or continuing on zoom along with her and her partner wanting to buy property. She is also considering changing career right now. Naturally her mind was beginning to go into overdrive and the “list maker” was becoming more active and she noticed the daily practice was supporting her stay in a more grounded and focussed state, present, and in the moment. Hence, calming the “list maker”.

I acknowledge what a wonderful thing to recognize and experience the contrast of what her body felt like when keeping her daily practice and what her body felt like when she was not in her daily practice. I asked what concern stood out to her the most right now. She said work, she’s been feeling the “list maker” creating more lists. She was not feeling focused or grounded. This is where I recognize the importance of being grounded when doing parts work not only being able to assist the client get into a grounded safe space, but also as the guide/coach. It’s important for me to be grounded as I guide her in connecting to her. She was open to a guided meditation/visualization that was based on what she wanted the process of preparing her class for teaching would look like. Once the meditation was completed, she felt more grounded and was able to connect with “the list maker” with much more ease and focus, and in a more grounded state. I asked her what she wanted the experience to be like? She stated, “Enjoy the Process.” We were able to complete the session on this positive note, and she already put a plan in place for self care, and simplifying her daily ritual practice that is accessible at any moment. Breathing, “surrender breaths” is a key practice, and just pausing, and “enjoy the process” She also added using intention and programming the Reticular Activator System. I am excited for her to see how it goes, adding daily intention to her practice.

While I realize partswork can and is complex, and as a coach or client one can become lost or feel unstable quickly. I realize the importance of assisting the client in having a grounded state before beginning the process. Also important the coach to be in a grounded state and be open to acknowledge if things feel a bit lost, come back to the grounded safe place and allowing the pause for the client to process and discover the unknown of the part.

[Gina Lobito]

Some take aways from this module and discussion. I feel, it’s supporting me in recognizing the area I light up in. While I love working with Medicine Wheel/Four Shields type of models, and find they are supportive in reconnecting to our innate connection to nature and the self. I realize, time and time again that I really enjoy working from the perspective that all things have energy, feeling, and will resonate somewhere in the body. I enjoy using the body has map to bring awareness to the way the body receives and communicates information. In addition to the body, Using nature and connecting with nature is an important piece in connecting to the body, and bringing awareness to the self, using Nature as mirror to reflect back information and insight. Naturally, the directions and natural cycles will support this work.

I appreciate the sharing of my fellow cohort and see the benefit of creating a long term coaching plan and making this part of the co-creation or conversation with the client with regard to long term coaching. I can also the benefit, of us as coaches being aware of what direction the client is in whether or not there is a long term coaching plan in place. Recognizing the when a client’s strengths and having the client speak to their strengths and begin from there can be a gentle, safe entryway in establishing a coaching relationship right from the start.

[Gina Lobito]

02/05/21 – Long Term Coaching – Discussion

Client Back story: She’s a married, Mother of two (a 16-year old girl, and a 14-year old boy). Her husband chose to leave the workforce about 5 years ago. She’s currently the sole earner for the household. She runs a dog walking/daycare business. She also was raised in the Mormon Tradition until she decided to leave the church in her late teens early twenties. (I feel it’s helpful to note, her husband also left the Mormon Church). She recognizing the belief systems and expectations instilled run deep, yet she’s aware that living life under the construct of the Mormon Tradition did not, and does not feel right to her. She felt there existed a lot of “judgment” and “expectation” of the role of what a “woman” and “wife’s duties” are within a marriage and raising a family. She was recognizing running a business and carrying on the duties of maintaining the day to day of the household, and choosing herself was in conflict with construct that she grew up with. She stated feelings of “Shame” come up for her when things like the “house was not cleaned to a certain standard” or if she chose to “take time” for herself that she was not “fulfilling her duty” as a mom and/or wife. Initially her goal is to feel free, and build her relationship with nature, herself and to let go of “shame” and “judgment” that comes up for her as she is seeking a new way of being in her life.

I have seen this client 5 times over the passed number of months. First we started out meeting every two weeks, then transitioned to once a month as she felt more comfortable with some of the tools she has created for herself, of “Traci Time” and began a 5-10 minute per day (divergent/convergent) outdoor practice noticing what is occurring around her, then bringing it into more focus and awareness taking note of what she is feels in her body (physically, emotionally, mentally) . She is practicing putting ritual into daily routine.

Our most recent session followed the Sunday after the Face-to-Face intensive for Long Term Coaching and Parts Work II. She asked if we could push back our session from 9:00 a.m. to 11:00 a.m. which I agreed. As we met at the Park, I could feel and sense the anxiety/nervousness was up for her. I had not seen this during our last two sessions. She had found a state of calm within her. Today was different. As we looked for a spot that called to the client, she quickly sputtered out, “Well, I can’t have these sessions on a monthly basis anymore, it feels that every two months might be better. The client expressed having to talked with her husband. She felt as if she did not tell him of her arrangement for coaching and feelings of “shame” came up for her, even though she knew she was not lying to him. The client then stated, “well, he does not bring any money in,” and “the kids need braces” and a few other things that came up for her during their conversations.

As a coach, I could witness, what was occurring, and it’s common, as one begins to change and it will impact their world around them. During our prior sessions, she and I did discuss the process of change, and as one choses to change sometimes there are two or three steps forward then another step back, called “snapback” which is a normal process. Here I am witnessing the client snap back, whatever occurred in the conversation with her husband, triggered the old pattern she’s working on changing for herself. I feel she is very much in contemplative state and as a coach with a client we are very much in a severance process that will take unknown amount of time depending on the client’s choices moving forward.

In same breath, after telling me she is changing session to meeting every 2 months, she stated she is really interested in working with the energy, Light body, and meditation and the chakra system with me. I said, that’s great, we can work on those things moving forward. I expressed to the client, what you’re asking for takes a commitment, practice to build momentum in between sessions. I told her I will contact her once I put a curriculum together. In the meantime she asked for references for books. I did indicate to here this type of work, is deep inner work, while books can be supportive, it very much is an inner process and relationship to your, not only your body, but also emotional body, mental body, and spirit, and the rest will unfold for you on your journey. I am recognizing the books, may provide her some sense of grounding and understanding of new a vernacular. During our session I we did revisit the conversation about change, and how she has done a great job in over the past number of months bringing awareness to deeper patterns, stemming from childhood, and creating a new relationship within her self. We revisited the conversation of the process of creating a new neuro-network for that’s that supports the change of behavior. This takes time and awareness and practice, self correction, until it becomes natural way of being. Having a “snap back” is common, because the body/mind want’s to stay in the known because it feels safe it in it, even though on a soul level you know it’s time for something new. . .

What does any of the above have to do with Long Term Coaching, well a lot! Deep listening or just listening. The client is telling me exactly what she wants, in an arena that lights her up and once that I am comfortable in. While the ICF and NCC competencies all remind the same and the process of change remains the same no matter what modality is used or how someone comes to change and transform their life. I feel having a clear program, which is the “container” or “sacred space” that is being held and co-created with the client is important.

As I sat with the question regarding long term coaching, it occurred to me, while I might become familiar with different models which support and sustain change and transformation, its just as important for the coach to be comfortable with the model which they work in. For instance, The Power Path, based in Santa Fe, NM works with Medicine Wheel as their foundational teaching as a “map” to recognize where one’s work might be. While all directions are working simultaneously, leaning to recognize where one exist within the “Map” of the Medicine Wheel in their present life can be fruitful for the client. Which pole of the direction is that person in? What can the person do to move toward the center of the pole finding balance between the Positive and negative Pole within the attributes of the direction. Their program is a year long program designed to work with groups, as well as the individual. Each participant sets an intention stated at the beginning of the course, then the rest unfolds as they participate in the program and “walk the medicine wheel” The medicine well became the gateway to various levels of awakening / awareness, yet the map is never gone, it’s just become the operating system in the background instead of on hyper focus because it was new to work with.

We see a similar model working with the Four Shields, which expands on the directions further in as one transition between Directions, (example of moving from North to East, South South East, South into the Southwest, and in accoradance with Child/adolescence’s, time of the season etc…)

We see it again the Model of Concentric Circal Transformational Model which depicts the story, psychology, moving outward to the mythic symbol, ultimately moving the client from awareness to oneness.

No matter what model is used the movement toward transformation is the goal, and the journey of that transformation will look different for each person. I feel in approaching a long term coaching, having a clear understanding of myself and model, I am comfortable in working in as a coach becomes just as important as the model the client is comfortable in as well. I feel the questions for me are, what’s the bridge for me? Where is my window of tolerance as a coach in co-creating a long term plan with a client that best serves them? Recognize my “edge” and where is also the growth in the unknown spaces of myself as coach and maintain a coaching presence for a client all at the same time.

As coach, offering a clear foundational piece that I base transformation work from must be made clear from the beginning with the client. A basic understanding of the “model” or “map” as we work together is important. How the client evolves within the journey of the “map” is up to the client. Being within the threshold of the “model” is where, I feel the coaching and guiding comes in. The model is becomes the “safe” place to experience the unknown/subconscious/shadow side of the self. It’s where the nature meets the client, allowing opportunity to bring “awareness” or “Light” to a pattern, situation or aspect of themselves from neutral observer perspective and has the opportunity to recognize their innate power of choice and possibly a new perspective or relationship with what the client is discovering within themselves hence creating a new perspective or lens in which they see/experience the world through.

The client client can then build on their transformation, by using, the model, we will just say the model of the Medicine Wheel, for now, then becomes not a only a foundation, but a tool for the client to navigate from and within. Creating milestones within journey, is beautiful way to empower the client and creating something more sustainable and not so scary. The milestone, is what assist in anchoring the awareness change occurring, like a virtual time line. It’s a way for the client to track their own progress which can be empowering and perhaps support the client in continue their transformational work. The Milestone assist in making the inner work more tangible, not only felt, but “seen” in some way. It also the feed back the client may be receiving from their external world, could also represent a milestone of their inner transformation.

I feel having a good sense of the “program” or “Map” “Model”, creating milestones, and a brief conversation about change and transformation are key components to have with a client toward at intake so they are aware of the process of transformation, but know they are not alone in their journey. The client will have the support of the coach/guide, tools they are creating, the model they are working with, their own resources to empower them to move forward with the commitment to the themselves.

[Gina Lobito]

synopsis a take away for me is allowing ourself to experience grief can be necessary to move forward in life. Not allowing the grief freezes or limit one to the past whether it’s concessions or subconscious. Somewhere down the road of life, the grief will come out. The energy of grief has a desire to be released and acknowledge in some way. Until that process is complete it has the potential to limit someone to the past, instead of setting them free to be present and move toward the future.

[Gina Lobito]

Synopsis, some take away from brain change 2 is that often times people are running on old programming and it can remain in the unconscious. When bringing into the a conscious place can create room for a new pattern to be developed. Create new neuro network can be supported by allowing a new perspective. In my case with the client, she was creating a new perspective and relationship to words and language. So much information is within our physical body, we just need to slow down, ask, and pay attention, learn the language of our physical body, and the process it goes through to promote change in they we function day to day. change and transformation is always possible.

[Gina Lobito]

Initial Post:( this may be a little long winded)…
A recently client, we meet every other week, was expressing to me being triggered by the use of specific words “God” and Judgement. She had grown up in the Mormon tradition, which she described as not resonating with her and it did not make her feel good inside, there was an inner conflict, so she chose, years ago to leave the Mormon church., while this client expressing being in touch with her spirituality, connection nature, and she is self reflective she still recognizes within her a trigger of anger and anxiety when hearing those words. She described an incident when she was sharing an observation with her husband about some people she noticed at the farmers market, and she thought it was fun how they expressed themselves by coloring their hair purple and so on, she stated he immediate responded and said, “so you’re judging them.” She said she immediately felt her body tense up and was frustrated, because now she felt she had to explain, that no, she was not judging them, in just making an observation and enjoying their self expression. She felt that she was not able to freely express herself, now feeling judged by her husband. She later expressed, by the choice of words her husbands using she often feels criticized and that she cannot do anything right.

While my client and I had a prior session which explored what her body physically felt when hearing the words “God” and “Judgement” where she expressed she felt her body tense, and her stomach was tight. I asked what emotion(s) she noticed, she stated anger and frustration. I asked when she first felt this way about these words, she stated church. During this session I she had described her relationship to these words as negative and controlling and condemning others. While she believes in God, she was finding a new relationship with experiencing her faith and what it meant to her, (not Mormonism), just her internal faith and being in the world. During this first session, I asked what kind of relationship would she like with these words and she stated a positive one. I asked what would that feel like on her body, she said, joyful. In her own words, I asked her to change or create her own use of the word “god that brought her joy and what she would want to say in place of the word Judgement and to pay attention to how the new words felt in her body. We pendulated back and forth with until she felt she was in a softer more accepting state. I share this because it ties into the next session when she spoke about her husband’s choice of words and how they impacted her.

In a follow up session, she described how she feels inadequate, but knows she’s not, but feels it nonetheless, because she feels her husband “criticizes” her choices. While in her mind she knows that he poses no ill intention toward her and is quite supportive of her, but she is recognizing a disconnect in their communication, but also how she is feeling the in her body. She recognized it the feeling of being judge and not good enough, which she tied back to her experiences in the Mormon church. She stated she had been practicing recognizing how her body felt, and brought awareness to herself, and would go inward and would ask her body what it was noticing and what feelings were present. While practicing self reflection and contemplation she would allow herself a moment(s) before responding to her husband, and she was beginning to notice a difference within herself the more she brought awareness to her what her body was experiencing, she could calm her nervous system, by placing her hand to heart, which we had practice in a prior session.

She stated that one day, her husband called her over to watch a vide0, that brought tears to his eyes, its was about the power of speach/language, and how the way we choose to speak cause the feeling of “points” being taken way from someone. Something clicked for her husband, and he asked apologized to her if his use of language/choice or words ever contributed to feeling like she lost points with him, he was sorry. I asked her how that felt to hear him acknowledge him and you? She stated it relieved the tension in my body and I could feel it relieved tension in the air between her and her husband. She said, it’s like we found a common language. I just did not what language he spoke? and He did not know what language I spoke. I asked he what did finding a coming language give you? She said peace. She felt like she could collaborate more with her husband now, because she undersands herself more, and he now understands what she has been trying to express.

She stated it was helpful to have had the practices of mantra and brining awareness from our prior sessions as she worked with recognizing patterns in her system, then a syncroncity of finding a common language shifted her relationship. I asked her is she wanted to go on a wonder and see we she noticed now? She excitedly said yes. All I can say, I witnessed my client observe nature through a new lenses. She took notice to a tree branch, part of it was old, the old the part and new growth. I asked her what did that mean to her. She said, well, that “I let old parts of myself die, new growth happens, but it’s not like the old is no longe there, it supported me to get to the new, I just no longer need to focus on the old anymore…”

[Gina Lobito]

@ David,
You’re sharing regarding your client’s awareness of her addiction and behaviors. It feels it’s masterful, how you file it away, and know when to apply a coaching technique what the clients gets to a place within herself that shows you she’s ready to go to the next step. It’s also interesting how the client is already setting herself up to for relapse because that’s the pattern she knows. I have no doubt should she continue to work with you, and when the moment arises for the connection of the addiction is part of her, that you will handle this with grace, care, compassion, and space for her to see herself and this part of herself in a new way as she becomes comfortable in loving herself.

This reminds me how important it is that we do no always know what’s going on behind the scenes with a client, and the importance of the intake process, so as a coach something to draw from as well has creating a setting and clear foundation to work from with the client in a collaborative way.

David, thank you for your sharing. Your experiences bring light and insight.

Gina

[Gina Lobito]

@Maria,
I noticed your client is 62-year-old. I love that he feels comfortable to seek out coaching and be open to change and create his “own playbook” That’s awesome! I witness you confidently working with parts works. I can see how supporting him and giving him space for parts of himself “people lover” to be expressed. You create a safe space for the client to to explore parts of himself and also bringing in the geese. What a beautiful metaphor and visual of collaboration and synergy of the geese to create sense of flow and harmony as they flew together. For the client to have the awareness of “The Soul and People Lover were joined by the other parts for a harmonious alignment, and the rest of the walk was fantastic. And cold, but I never felt alone and hardly noticed the cold.” Just beautiful. I am excited to feel the clients excitement to continue the work. This is a powerful example of Nature Connected Life Coaching and working with Partswork.

[Gina Lobito]

@Maria,
I love your example with your client and parts work. I agree with David. I will leave my response to partswork aspect for the partswork conversation. I do wonder how does working with the client and partswork tie into Long Term Coaching for you and your client?

[Gina Lobito]

@Leslie,

I really appreciate in your post recognizing that your #3 client may be better suited with the four shields model complimenting her interest in Nature. Example of meeting your client with their strengths as you mentioned doing “Strength Work” I can feel how supportive it is to work with clients with their strengths, and later on what they feel are “weakness” can be addressed in a safety and comfort while they allow themself to be comfortable in their vulnerability as the coaching progresses of the long term. I love this concept of “Strength Assessment” I can see the use of the assessment can be a helpful and clear reflection of where the client is currently at in relationship to their goal, in this case, it’s career oriented. I this idea of the Strength Assessment. I can see myself using this idea, perhaps as part of the intake process.

[Gina Lobito]

David,
I feel you masterfully create a clear guided plan for your client weaving in many components in which to navigate the client through. Recognizing where the may be an internal client arising within the client when working in a specific direction (West) is a beautiful opportunity to bring light to something I love how you also bring the opportunity to regroup, refocus, resource and even bring in the questions of it it “aligns” with the clients goal…just reading your post, I can feel how you have set up/created strong/safe coaching presence from the beginning with your client. Creating a space for the client to empower them self moving forward toward their goal.

Gina

[Gina Lobito]

@david
“I brought awareness to the fact that we couldn’t work on her partner in this session and tried to focus the session by asking “what role does your partner play in your vision of being an inspirational coach?” There was a long pause and I felt it sinking in, almost like she didn’t want to admit what realization she was coming to. She finally said “yeah, he really has no part in this. This is mine to own.” Through story of how her relationship and partner are to blame for her current state, she had integrated the conflict in a way that took responsibility off of herself.
Since she had experienced many ups and downs with her vision, I wanted to bring awareness to the stages of change. I shared the stages with her and she quickly identified that she was in contemplation, but also noticed that she’d been in Maintenance stage with this issue. I explained that when she’s at her highs, she’s in Maintenance and not necessarily Termination. I explained that it’s easy to think that when we’ve hit the peak our efforts can dwindle. When we do this, we risk spiraling back to contemplation because we can snap back to the old states of being.”

David, you do a wonderuful job reflecting back at your client and bringing awareness. I love how powerful question such as “what role does your partner play in your vision of being an inspirational coach?” I could fill the question just drop in for her as I read this post. Your understanding and explanation of the stages of change is supportive and assists in bringing clarity to a possible reason why she may slip back and forth from contemplation, maintennace and back into contemplation and the potential to slip back into old or familiar patterns. I enjoyed reading how you wove in the education piece about stages of changed.