Melody Rose
Forum Replies Created
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Summary post-
As has been said, bittersweet to be ending this program on the topic of grief and writing this post. Tears are falling, there’s a lump in my throat and a pit in my stomach and I’m ok to say that here because as coaches we create a safe, sacred space, a container where thoughts, emotions and feelings can flow, either big or small, pretty or “ugly”. We make sure our clients feel held, heard and supported, while being human ourselves. We may share with them, invite them to participate in exercises that we have learned about here and that we know are tried, tested and true. We all have grief and that just another thing that connects us. Looking at the tasks of mourning I look forward to staying connected with all of you and EBI “in the midst of embarking on a new life”. Grief is a cycle of life, a cycle of nature and as with all that we’ve learned here we as coaches, we are here to guide our clients in the moment and through this cycle as they lead the way. -
Sheri your response on regret brought up for me that yes I’ve had regrets, and yeah that definitely feels like a form of grief, AND that all the things I’ve gone through in life have brought me to this moment and I am thankful, and that regret dissipates. But not to say that to a grieving client obviously.
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Sheri I’ve totally felt the same about this being our last toolbox in the program, and trying to avoid it too to some extent I think.. Maybe that’s why I hadn’t posted here until now? And loved your butterfly metaphor! With having a box of tissue ready- yes! And reminded me that we as coaches can show our feelings too, just don’t become enmeshed and why I like to start with grouping at the beginning of each session because I need to be too. I love the idea of using the energy work from Gunnison during these difficult social distancing times! Typing that made me think of setting boundaries and how with grief society puts boundaries on how we are “supposed” to grieve, and how and when and with whom yet it’s not all cookie cutter like that
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Taylor I totally agree about metaphors in nature as maybe being a sign from loved ones and how impactful that could be for a client, and appreciate you mentioned giving a client permission, I’d forgotten that. Saying it’s ok to cry or be mad or whatever, that they are in a safe space to just be and fell what ever they need to.
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Initial post
I haven’t coached anyone through a grief session so I will go with a hypothetical one. The client has all but lost her self employment job and is very uncertain of her future as covid continues. In addition to this she also had to put 2 of her dogs down just a few months apart, one just this past week.
I would start the session as usual with grounding to become present and would explain to my client that there is no “place to get to” in this session and that I am here to support her and hold space for her with whatever arises for her and share with her about communal and cummulative grief.
I would ask her if there is any specific way I can help her right now, like maybe to share some stories of her dogs if she felt comfortable and wanted to do so, or just listen gin so she can process. I’d also share the take the time it takes statement with her too as I think in particular with pets many people hear the “it’s just a dog”
More in regards to Covid and her job I would ask her how she feels and we would talk about resourcing and grounding since I really feel this is where nature fits into the grieving process, as well as with the cycle of change.
I think the challenge I would face in a grief session is trying to help and make suggestions, but I also know that i can hold space to just listen and support the client which is what they need, and that I don’t need to get anywhere in this coaching session, which was a little confusing during the intensive but now I know it’s another tool to add to our tool box as well rounded coaches. I really liked the Changing for good book and how it talks about how an ending is the beginning and feel this really speaks to how grief isn’t just about a loss of a human or an animal, but a way of life, what may never be, a job, a relationship, etc.
This toolbox is very helpful in knowing that sometimes we just need to be there with the client in the moment with nowhere to go and that grief comes in many forms. -
Summary post –
There is so much going on in our little brains that it truly boggles mine. It definitely makes me a more confident coach knowing how the brain works and being able to share that with clients is such a great opportunity to show them that change is possible and that they are progressing even if they sometimes they feel they are not. I know that in my own personal experiences that I’ve rewired parts of my neural circuitry and created new grand canyons and old ones are no longer in use and that those changes have brought me here to guide and coach others. Just like when we hurt a limb or get a scratch and have to exercise and move it so it heals properly, (both can itch yes your brain can itch as it heals and it feels so very strange) it takes work, intention, practice and support. I am honoured to be able to support and guide my clients as they grow and heal -
Taylor I’ve had some of those “seeing the Grand Canyon” moments with a client of mine as well. She’s older and I admire her strength and courage to change and rewire later in life but I also see how comfort can seem to be a roadblock. I’ve definitely had some clients glaze over if I talk about the science side of things but I know it helps us as coaches and that even if they don’t want to hear it I feel it gives me confidence, or maybe more so the client that we know what we’re talking about!
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Nadine I love telling clients and ppl in general about the RAS! … Something Sheri showed me a while ago on the jamboard, if that’s what your client used, is that you can change the size of the sticky notes, so I shrunk my introjects and it felt really powerful!
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Kim I love how you can let your clients thing and let it sink in while they’re biking and then stop in the shade, etc. I’d like to incorporate of walking in silence while the client digests or ponders into my sessions.
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I’m going to call this initial post part 2 as I read others responses and add to what I missed in my original initial post 🙂
While I was reading Sheri’s initial response I agree of how our coaching is different because we set the intention to connect, I was reminded of a session where a client seemed to be stuck in and acknowledged an under lying sense of panic. I had her describe where it was in her bod, give it a shape, a colour, etc and release it. She was unable to release it completely but I did invite her to throw a rock and she said that movement and release felt good and that it definitely now felt manageable and she said she would be able to do that on her own again in the future if/wen it arose. This exercise gave her space to work around it and see past it.
I recently read the Changing for Good.. book and really enjoyed it. My understanding of the change process and known where my client is, and possibly stuck in that cycle in very helpful, and I’ve shared the steps with one client in particular and it was helpful for her to see that contemplating and planning are not “doing nothing”. -
Initial response- Sorry for the late submission I thought I’d already done this! I’m going to use a few sessions melted together to write this response rather than a specific one.
What stood out for me the most with the brain and change 2 intensive is the Reticular Activating system. I’ve mentioned this to a few clients, and some friends and family in passing as well. It’s a great way to change perspective and see and hear more of what that 2% of our brain takes in! This relates too to the old/new personality because if we’re always looking for/at the same thing or things the same way we won’t notice or see the new opportunities and options available to us. It makes me think of “ having an open mind” and the questions “ What would you do if you didn’t have to deal with this issue/problem?” which really brings up the new personality and vision, and often brings up some excitement into the session, or some deep thought and exploration.
With a recent client she changed her perspective and how she was looking at a situation just by looking at a situation from a different angle and the whole situation changed. She could see who she needed to be and what she needed to do to achieve her goal, and where she’d since this or realized this before. -
Summary post–
Doing my own Partswork has helped me know more about myself, but also helps explain it to clients better, to understand it better and to be more comfortable using it as a tool in a NCC session. Knowing and exploring my introjects as well has been very eye opening in itself too. Seeing how a few of my parts have healed, been repurposed or renamed since those first sticky notes at the Starhouse is pretty amazing. Sheri told me last week that you can also change the size of the sticky notes on the jamboard and making the introjects smaller and some parts bigger was also very healing. I think my favourite part of partswork is that calmness and healing and integration as the parts settle near the end of the session. It really is like a puzzle with the parts falling into and finding their place in the system. I am sure I will never think or hear someone say “part of me…” the same way again without wondering which part lol -
Well said Sheri. We are nature! This had me thinking “it’s in my/his/her nature to ….” With this it brings to my mind more of the positivity of my parts and then looking at my introjects it definitely looked much clearer that those are not parts of me, or in my nature.
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Hey Taylor! I love that your husband is on board with this. I too feel like I’ve “lost” people bringing up Parts and I think that’s why I’ve shared my mandala with some of them when it’s happened during a session. As I was reading this I also wondered which of your parts is being self critical, which reminded me that I didn’t say anything about dealing with introjects in my post, and how impactful knowing that these are not parts of us can be, that we can free our parts from them!
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Hey Sheri! You know I’m always up for Parts Work :). I will also be planning a Parts Work / mandala making workshop in the future. I also find myself bringing Parts Work up in conversation with friends, and on a daily basis it seems with myself in a ” I wonder which part that is?” . I’ve found interviewing Parts on my own to be very informative as well. And it’s amazing how moving sticky notes around can make such a difference!