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Summary:

I continue to love the experiences and stories of all the classmates. I’m learning the most through you all. I have taken away awarenesses about myself and my clients, in regard to grief, that I will be forever grateful for. I wasn’t even aware that grief was this complex…outside of the difficulty of losing a loved one. I look at, get curious about, and interact with grief in such a different way now. I’m finding in this module a common theme…the more I’m willing to do the work on myself…the more I can give the process away.
My favorite part of this module was creating a grief timeline. So many thoughts and different experiences came to light through that process. I also charted my greatest breakthroughs/victories in life on the same timeline. I found that my greatest victories come after a loss/grief/breakdown. Amazing…I can look forward to tough conversations and sticky spots with clients…knowing that the best is yet to come and through those conversations.

R

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@Leslie…”When I think of the Dimensions of Grief that could potentially appear, the emotions that immediately pop out in regards to this ‘client’ are numbness, sadness, emptiness, frustration, anxiety, depression, overwhelm, and panic.”
– I’ve got this quote here to respect your preparation before meeting with a client. To think of dimensions of grief that MAY appear…so you can be prepared for your client in that way is brillant. I’m stealing that quality preparation you have. This is an area I could improve that would make a difference for my client and my own ability to listen at an even deeper level.

@Gina…”Taking a breathe, and pause and practicing deep listening is fundamental before I chose to respond and reflect back what he is expressing.” – I love this about you. I’ve experienced this pause personally with you. It is a great skill that affords your answers and reflections a lot of power. I also liked how you took this convo with the man in the park and said…IF he was my client…. I think I can practice a lot more by taking my conversations with others and trying them on in my mind as practice clients. Playing through those scenarios like a ball player visualizing a made free throw attempt. Cheers! Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

Rollin

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Initial Post:

“Relationships involve the sharing of energy and information flow. When we communicate with one another we are exchanging energy in the form of informational signals that often contain value.” – from the pocket guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology by Daniel Siegel. This quote is a great way for me to communicate what I felt at the beginning of my follow up apt with my younger client that is currently going through a divorce. He was wearing a smile and showing up “strong” for the world at work recently. Today was different, unexpectedly, he showed up with his head hanging a bit. His energy was communicating something. What showed up for me, right away, was grief. He was going through a divorce and perhaps he had discovered this loss in his life and perhaps he hasn’t. Either way, I could see the divorce as the source of grief and this was his process. This was where he was in his process. I didn’t look to change where he was, but amazed by this new awareness of mine, I settled in to meet him right where he was at. We began the severance process by establishing our roles etc and I continued to ask questions and listen. He continued to speak and share about what was going on for him in the divorce.
The deeper need that showed up for him was…acknowledgement. To simply acknowledge that he is going through a divorce was a major step for him and it showed when his baseline shifted and his energy intensified. In fact, “Grief is a highly personal , lifelong, physical, emotional, mental and spiritual process of learning how to acknowledge…” – Kim Mooney. I remembered this quote and reminded myself of the power of presence and surrendered (let go of) the thought of wanting to fix him or his relationship.
I knew that this symbolic loss (divorce) was his discover on his own or not. We revisited his conversation about where he was in his process and what he wanted next in his life. I could see him physically move from pre-contemplation to contemplation and the conversation wanted to move directly in to what to DO next. At this time…we slowed the process down together and spoke about the “roller coaster” that this process can be. Just acknowledging his experience in this way seemed to help him. In closing the session…I acknowledged him powerfully. I asked him what he wanted to be acknowledged for…and he said “putting together an awesome Ritual of running daily to give my mind and body the health and a release it needs during this divorce process”. Wow…I couldn’t have said it better. This is great work that makes such a difference for people and makes such a difference for me. I’m forever grateful!

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Leslie:

“Another major concept that comes to mind is empathy. We have the wiring within our brain to create mental maps of another person’s mind, and to intentionally take their perspective.”

I’m reminded of the several times you have coached me. I never doubted your intelligence and strength. What always blew me away as a client…was/is your ability to incorporate equal parts empathy. Your empathy and vulnerability as a coach brings safety and wisdom. I’m a big fan of your style!

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David:

Your powerful coaching was shining in this share.

“Since she had experienced many ups and downs with her vision, I wanted to bring awareness to the stages of change. I shared the stages with her and she quickly identified that she was in contemplation, but also noticed that she’d been in Maintenance stage with this issue.”

I appreciated that you were able to identify the stages of change, offer the stages and education and then have the patience to allow your client to DISCOVER for HERSELF where she was and where the issue was/is. This is excellent! Also, this is a great service to her…as she sharpens her skills to coach herself in this life and during the integration/incorporation stages.

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Summary: I’m taking away a greater understanding of my own brain and how I change from this module. As a coach, I’m operating with a greater awareness about what is or what could be…going on with my clients at any given time during a session. This awareness have given way to powerful questions and curiosity as a coach/guide.
I’m enjoying and taking away a more in depth knowledge base about the science behind the nature connectedness that I love so much. This scientific information will empower me to work with and be effective for a wider demographic of potential clients.

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Initial Post: I’m now working with a new practice client and this information was delivered and taught to us with perfect timing to assist this young man. He approached me, I’ve been a Mentor to him for a long while now through work only, and he asked if I could help him with a couple of things going on at home. I said, Yes…and then asked if we could pause so I could go over with him what that relationship might look like. We spoke about confidentiality, our roles and what he wanted out of our time together. Taking time to establish this agreement and build safety for our conversation happened naturally and effortlessly. He is in his mid 20’s and is filing for divorce after being married for only 1 year. His wife cheated on him with a co-worker and he felt betrayed, lonely and scared. He is also a recovering addict on the verge of relapse. The challenge for me right away was being clear about what I could NOT assist with. Regarding addiction…I directed him to his sponsor, support team and church. He understood that and happily complied with my request for additional support. From there…with safety in place and the confidence I could serve him at a high level…we began to talk and enter the severance process. In this conversation…this module showed up right away…I noticed that his mind was programming his brain. I could never really “see” this unfolding in another person in real time before (that I was aware of). It was almost as if the divorce wasn’t that big of a deal…in fact…he knew it was the inevitable. Of more importance was his mythical character. He began to describe what he really wanted in life, for himself, in a relationship and what was possible with his new found freedom.
We wandered in a newly opened natural area in our hometown after stopping to meditate and drop in. I choose this place on the outskirts of town…remembering the impacts of the studies referenced in “Your Brain On Nature” and how a natural setting can offer calm and comfort compared to a city setting like our office where we normally meet. I remembered times at the Starhouse…where resourcing was such a powerful experience…so we talked about that and discussed his resources. Then, the books and face to face lessons blossomed….nature and science took over and he lead us on an adventure to learn about boundaries. His integration process was powerful and creative. In fact, this was my most powerful session to date. I’m surrendering as a guide and noticing the power of nature and science coming together to provide a profound experience for the client and an extraordinary space for magical conversation and healing.

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The brain and trauma work has been the most challenging topics for me so far. The value that I’m taking away as a coach and human being is miraculous. I’m uncovering more about how my brain works and I’m learning about myself. I’m healing trauma and having conversations about what doesn’t work in my life. I thought I was here to learn how to coach others (haha). I feel like a new person. While I’m taking care of myself and doing “my own” work as a priority…I’m understanding more about the gifts we offer to our community as coaches. This miracle of feeling like a new person, having the experience of healing…is what I’m offering my clients and the community. I’m discovering newly…what it is means to guide/coach. I’m blown away by the power of resourcing. I have an increased awareness around (mine and others) stages of change. Mostly, I’m leaving with a profound connection to creating safety. This toolbox has shifted my coaching style from something I’m doing or somewhere I’m going…to me creating a safe environment in which communication can be heard. From this safe container, a co-creation can make way for infinite possibilities. I’m excited to continue to discover more about the brain and trauma and how it applies to my life and this coaching work.

Forever grateful

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@Gina…thank you for your post. I’m also intrigued by resourcing and because of David’s share…I’ve added “resourcing” to my intake sheet questions. I agree…that knowing as much as possible about a client’s resources could be powerful. I just finished reading James’ post which brought my attention toward the end of the process…with integration. Your post brought my attention back to the beginning. Session preparation and self care. I appreciated sensing my own resources while I was reading your post. I’m inspired to build a flexible and adaptable routine to prepare for sessions. Besides resourcing…what else do you do or practice to prepare for a session?

Love

R

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@James…I enjoyed your post here and what you got (and are getting) from recent work with your clients. I appreciated your authenticity and awareness around where you put your time and energy with clients…and where you didn’t. It sounds like you are really developing a whole process that works for you and is an improved experience for your clients. I’m inspired to bring equal importance to all of the stages of the process. I could see how talking about the process at the beginning of a session or prior to meeting…would be a powerful way to chart the course. Do you talk over the process with your clients at the beginning? With a new focus around integration…how have you been guiding and following up on integration with your clients after sessions?

– Always curious about your style

Love

R

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A little background about my practice client. He is an older gentlemen (64-75), currently living out of state in KS. We have rapport, trust, and a deep understanding of one another. He is a retired financial planner and a brilliant man. He was raised in an abusive environment and his father was an alcoholic. Behind closed doors…he struggles with unprocessed trauma (he said) and has recently began to share about his experiences. He opened up and shared a couple of personal experiences with a small group of people. I was a part of that group. In my mind (while he was sharing)…I wasn’t trying to fix him…I noticed that I just listened to him. I was aware of his bravery and the courage it took to share his personal experiences about his childhood. In “Self Soul Spirit” by Roger Strachan, it points to the uniqueness of each person, “Since each person is unique, human functioning is an entity unto itself. Perceptions, awareness, and knowledge determine an individual’s view of the world.” I heard his unique view while he was sharing these raw secrets. Looking back, the reading in chapter 1 from “How You Change” really showed up here. The process of how human’s change showed up here. I can’t imagine how long he contemplated about these experiences before he chose to share with us. His public share fell right into the preparation stage. He wasn’t sure what to do next about how he felt, but he knew that this psychological discomfort didn’t work for him anymore. Change can take time or move quickly and I noticed that I didn’t bring pressure to any of our conversations. I was allowing him to move through the stages of change (or not) at his own pace. I was guiding and he was leading the conversations already. Action was the inevitable next step for him. He said “I can’t feel anymore, my son is right in front of me hurting and I can’t feel his hurt. That is what is going on”.
He took action and reached out to me. For months prior, I had been sharing with friends and colleagues about my wilderness experiences and recent books I’ve been reading. My future practice client connected with me after a group zoom call (a week or so after his “share”). This is the moment I had a break through around how I establish coaching agreements. For him, it was his big transition to the action stage. I always pictured, me going out in the world and “finding” clients. This coaching agreement was created, this time, through attraction. He (practice client) thought that my recent wilderness adventures might somehow help him out and apply to what he was struggling with. I agreed with humble caution. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I could help, but I was open to trying what we had recently been taught at the Starhouse.
We spoke briefly and set a day and time to connect and walk through his intake form together. I was curious about what was going on for him (concerns, issue/s etc) and I wanted to learn as much as possible prior to our sessions starting. I could sense that he really appreciated me slowing down to learn and ask questions. This experience matched what I read in “Emotional Risk Management” by Katie Asmus and Kendal McDevitt about creating safety when working with those who have experienced trauma…”Be proactive-front load and give all necessary and appropriate information (do not withhold information unnecessarily-information is POWER”. This front loading of information set the stage for a face to face safe container.
After working through timing and logistical challenges, we met in person for our first of three sessions. Nature played an important role in each session. A tree grabbed his attention in the beginning of one of the sessions and we approached slowly…asking permission from the tree before we touched it. The conversation moved quickly to the detail that he noticed on the tree as we got closer and closer. I did not intend to be up and moving around this quickly in the session but it flowed…so I went with it. He noticed how amazing and captivating the tree was from the parking lot, but how damaged it was…the closer we got. He had never noticed the damage before (precontemplation playing out again). The tree became a perfect reflection of him. We made several references to the scars of the tree, the ants at work and the nest built safely toward the top. Each reference carried significant meaning for him. He really started to see his scars and intimate life details as a valuable part of who he is today. He started to see his unique beauty. As he began to “name it”…the trauma had positive movement towards healing. During distracted parts of the session…I could’ve used an exercise to shepard attention back to the session. The focus of the session was all about dropping into the body and feeling…intentionally. I thought that a short walk and getting aware of the bottom of the feet…would be a great exploration here (now that I have that tool in my tool belt). His integration from our session was a book reading and a few behavioral responsibilities. We are still working together to this day and he recently called…crying. He discovered, that love was cut off from him by his Dad growing up and that he was cutting off the love flowing from him to his son. He chose to be the one to break the cycle. What I’m really noticing and taking away…is that it is not about me. When I listen and create safe spaces for communication to happen…miracles occur. Be more and do less.

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@Deanna…thank you for taking us into your coaching world. I found your post interesting and I love how you have brought science into your coaching! I really grabbed onto your awareness of yourself and how the Alpha waves mindset and how YOUR body is feeling impacts your client. Being responsible for our mind set heading into a session is always gold. I’m going to focus on that this week thanks to you! Haha

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@David…thank you for your post about your practice client and experience. I always get so much from your entries and appreciate how well you tie in the books and readings into your posts and coaching process. Marvelous! I do have a question about letting go of expectations. I noticed that AH-HA moment in your story…when you were humbled and understood/stand the difference, letting go of the expectations, makes for you and the client. Has this continued to show up with your clients? How about in your life? How we do anything is how we do everything…and I’m noticing a new freedom around letting go…specifically about coaching and guiding. The result has been more freedom in the conversation…and a deeper listening due to the additional “space” available (that used to be filled up with expectations). Is your practice client STILL connecting with nature? What does your follow up process look like?

Love,

R

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@Maria…I’m reading these posts in reflection as I complete this section of our work. I really enjoyed your post. I noticed a flow with both of your practice clients (new and established). There was an obvious foundation and structure to the process you described. The brillant part of the post, to me, was your masterful ability to hand craft a unique experience for each client. It was THEIR session. It seemed that you had a nice balance of reflection (their communication) and going with your gut as a guide to bring them into powerful integration. How did confidence play a role with each of these clients? If it wasn’t present in these sessions…how would it have made a difference for the client?

Love,

R

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I’m getting excited for this adventure and challenge.

R