Introduction to Nature-Connected Coaching 
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Brain and Change 1 Discussion (July 2020)
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29 Replies
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I’ve had two practice client sessions in the past week, one with a new client, and the other with an established practice client with whom I’ve been working for a few months. I’ll briefly discuss the initial intake session with my new client, and then go more in depth with the assignment questions based on my recent session with my established client.
Client A, my new client, is a woman approaching her 60s and wants to explore what’s next for her both “workwise and spiritually”. Her professional background has focused on helping professions–social work, early childhood, and currently a concierge service helping individuals with personal or household tasks. She was in a chaplaincy program that has gone bankrupt because of COVID and now feels “stuck”. She wants to “return to the blind risk of youth with more wisdom”. Her work and life experiences, including addiction and co-dependency issues, personality patterns, as well as what she calls “failures in work-related issues” have made her fear taking risks. She gets energized talking about “repurposing, seeing potential in things/people, and wants to restore things/people”. She connects with Nature and Spirit at a deep level and feels she is really “good at helping others direct their lives” but can’t do that for herself.
For our initial, intake session we met at a local open space park where I listened to her life story and gave her an overview of Nature Connected Coaching. It was wonderful to be able to sprinkle some of the new concepts into our conversation. She deeply resonated with the idea that we are designed to move towards health and well-being as I briefly introduced brain and change theory to her. Though I did not quote Siegel directly to her, but rather paraphrased, we all have the “innate potential to ‘heal’ and become ‘whole’ by releasting the blocked capacity…to integrate the brain and relationships” (Siegel, Pocket Guide, 4-6). Along with our innate ability to heal, nature connected practices enhance the process as we move into the present moment and gain insight, clarity, intuition. During our session, I introduced her to some nature connecting practices which seemed to bring her into a state of resonance with her inner wisdom. I could see her moving into the “river of integration”, tapping into her “sanctuary that provides us with the first step toward an inner-driven clarity” (Siegel, Pocket Guide, 17-6). Towards the end of the session, when exploring next steps, she shared her desire to join another 12 Step program, seek out counseling, and decrease her alcohol intake.
As a guide, I felt equiped to see a little deeper into my client. This toolbox helps me see where my client is both from a brain perspective (she is longing to move into the flow of integration to live a creative, fully present/aware life) and from a change theory perspective (maybe somewhere between the pre-contemplation and the contemplation stage–she is stuck, things are not working for her, she desires change and there may be some habits/behaviors she may be trying to deny but moving towards acknowledging).
Client B, my established client, is a young woman in her early 30’s. I’ve been working with her since late Feb or early March (pre-COVID!). She lives a very intentional life focused on immigrant rights and social and environmental justice. She experiences a lot of anxiety and dread around COVID. She lives with her dog. Her “want” and the focus of the coaching, is to declutter her home which she inherited from her grandparents. In her words, she “needs to get rid of a bunch of junk to make space in my life, literally and metaphorically”. Her home is filled with boxes, piles of bills/mail, and every surface is covered with things.
She has been trying to organize/declutter her home for many years and realizes her attachments to the objects and nostalgic memories that remind her of her grandparents keep her from moving forward. She is very conscious of the environmental impact of recycling and donating things. She has a deep sense of responsibility and want to rehome each item with care. The process of going through her belongings to repurpose/rehome them is painful. She gets frustrated with herself that “she can’t do it faster” and each box of items is a box of decisions she needs to make–she avoids going through the boxes in favor of “more fun things to do.” She continues to deal with the grief of loosing her grandparents as well as the loss of a recent romantic relationship. She sees that the clutter/messiness of her home keeps her from hosting her friends and from creating the home she wants with furniture/things she likes. She believes the state of her home contributed to the ending of her romantic relationship because she was too embarrased to let her partner into her home. In previous sessions she has stated that she is “self-conscious about cleaning up” and that “my house is such a mess” and it keeps her from creating community in her home.
At the beginning of every session, we do a brief check in on the previous sessions “next steps”, celebrate her successes with virtual high-fives and “woo-hoos”; and move into a grounding activity through which she connects with an aspect of nature that brings her joy. She sets the agenda for our session which we have been doing by Zoom.
The information on the brain and change, as well as the smattering of parts work really supported my client during this session. Through compassionate listening and gentle questions, she was able to identify two conflicting parts of herself which she identified as “good, friendly confidants, friendly mentors”. I invited her to explore the wisdom and messages these parts of herself had to offer and reminded her that these parts have her well-being in mind and want what’s best for her (our Nature-brain, mind, body, & soul, long for integration and want to move us to well-being). Her “impatient speaker” was inviting her into “liberation”. The message was “I want you to be ale to be free of all these things. I want you to have the social life that you want. I want you to find a method and become detached from all these objects”. Her “compassionate speaker” says “its ok for me to say these tasks are not easy for me.” She saw both parts encouraging her to find balance and to keep the momentum while acknowledging how emotionally taxing it is for her.
I found that the present toolbox on change theory really helped my client gain a new perspective and some clarity. I was able to educate her on the process of change (precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance, and termination) which helped her shift from trying to find the right “method” for decluttering or being stuck in the difficult emotions, to being able to see patterns of behavior that are keeping her stuck. We were able to get to her deeper need “I want to find a life partner and start a family. I want to make room in my home so it is a more hospitable space to create the life I want.” We were able to move into the state of “being” that will help her actualize her vision. In the past, when we explored states of being, my client went into detailed to-do lists, methods, charts, reward systems, self-judgement, etc. but with the “change theory” perspective, she was able to clearly articulate “I need to be focused and committed” to the goal. Though this state of being is new to her, and she would much rather be socializing in the outdoors, she saw that this was her path to being “liberated”.
After exploring the state of being (focused and commmitted) to which there was resistance (boring and lonely), we focused on next steps: I want to liberate more time; focus on the task for at least 30 mins every day on specific areas to declutter; create a daily ritual to remind her of what it’s like to be “focused and committed”.
I felt this was a breakthrough session. Change takes time and change is what she desires. She is having to change old patterns inbedded in childhood (“I haven’t been taught to organize”, “These are the habits I was raised with”). As a guide, I can see how her current behaviors, attitudes, perspectives, and beliefs (“I pile things up, put things in a box, put the box in a room, and deal with it later”; “organizing is a boring, lonely burden”; “I don’t know how to organize”; “I don’t understand people who like to organize”) is embedded in her nervous system as a series of memories from her childhood that have formed her self-beliefs and perspectives. Knowing that the brain can change so she can achieve her vision for herself and her life fills me with excitement and hope.
I feel that change theory (since she’s looking for a “method”) will greatly benefit my client. It will anchor her in understanding where she is in the process and provide her with tangible tools to support her as she moves forward. Neuroscience principles will help her understand that she can change the “encoded experiences” that are keeping her in her current pattern. Now that she sees that her current pattern no longer works for her, she can move with self-awareness to resolve the conflicts she is experiencing, collaborating with her wisdom as she moves towards her “optimal potential”.
Through Nature-Connected Practices, she can tap into alpha states bringing her greater clarity, intuition, and self-awareness–supporting her change process and activating the neuroplasticity of her brain as she rewires her old stories and belief patterns.
This toolbox has greatly enhanced my coaching presence and confidence. I feel I can “see” my client from different perspectives, allowing me to undertnad my client’s unique experience. These tools offer multiple vantage points, entry points, and language that support my client’s growth based on where they are in their transformational process. I have found this toolbox to be extremely beneficial to my presence as a coach.
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My session with my practice client after returning with the information from this intensive gave me so much more clarity on the process. Immediately, I could sense myself identifying which stage of change she was in and that was contemplation. This was a new area she wanted to work on and I could identify some of her motivating factors within her story that led her out of pre-contemplation. A conversation (or intervention of sorts) with her Mom seemed to be the major motivator for moving this along and now she was seeing that she didn’t like this behavior and there was a newfound desire to change it. The “issue” brought forth in her story is that she spent a lot of money on shopping and it was getting to a point of personal debt and addiction to buying new things. I asked her how she viewed this issue before the conversation with her mom and she stated “it wasn’t even on my radar. I always just said to myself and others ‘I love to shop, this is part of my personality’ and I just identified with it. This made me think of a quote from Self Soul Spirit talking about how “human beings do what they want to do at any given moment under any given circumstances and make up reasons, excuses and logical constructs post facto for what they did”. While I agree with this statement, I do believe the behavior continues because we fail to identify what created it in the first place. We discovered later in the session, through open ended questioning, the new clothes that she looked good and felt good in built up her self esteem and that the material things only had a short-term boost to the feelings about herself. Thus, more things must be obtained to keep the feelings of being attractive and worthy. This was a low road cycle she was experiencing for many years of her life; low self-esteem and the associated sensations in the body led to impulsive spending to try to quell them. This was the brain’s “solution” that, after repetitive neural firing, became a state of being for her. So much so that she started identifying with it. “I love to shop, this is who I am”.
Now knowing what stage of change she was in as it related to the deeper need, I wanted to open up the threshold experience to explore the next stage (planning). Prochaska/Norcross/DiClemente, in Encouraged: Part 2; Changing For Good, talk about the importance of designing programs for the stage the client is in, “meet the client where they are”. How can we guide them and encourage movement to the next stage? When listening to how she wanted to use the threshold time, I wanted to encourage her to not just visualize one way that change might be possible for her but to take the time to brainstorm multiple options. This is a discovery and curiosity phase of sorts and there is no single prescribed way to effect change. Changing For Good says “research suggests that people are more likely to be successful in their change attempts when they are given multiple choices of how to pursue change rather than one; the success rate increases with three or more choices”. And with these options, designing them to be “countering” (positive behaviors in place of old behavior). I knew we weren’t in Action stage yet so I kept the focus on building her awareness, which makes change possible. It was important that she identify some beliefs or attitudes that needed to shift and, for the time being, just see what that looked and felt like. Using change theory is such a nice tool in my coaching and has put some of my past sessions into perspective for me. I always wanted the client to be in the Action stage, feeling like this is why we’re here isn’t it?, to make some changes and set goals to get right to changing! Knowing that this is a cycle and that no-one gets to skip stages gives me pause and makes me realize that the client is not always going to be in a place where we’re going to get right to work on actions. It’s also very humbling and teaches me that I need to let my expectations go! No matter what stage they are in, “we are in a position to empower individuals to take charge of their lives and learn the skills that can help them begin to change the neural proclivities that, without awareness, could remain on auto-pilot and leave an individual passive” (Siegel- Pocket Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology).
Toward the end of the session she made a comment about how much clearer everything seemed to her and that “nature did that, being out here today did that!”. I said, “great! How might you incorporate nature in your day on a regular basis?” I was thinking of all of the benefits from Your Brain on Nature…..emotional stability, positive mental outlook, keeping mind in the present moment, heightened empathy (for self and others). Encouraging time in nature for our clients certainly won’t “solve the problem”, but it will set a healthy internal stage for the client to be creative in their own process.
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@david.fontaine2
Hi David,
Thanks for the post. I really appreciate the detailed description of how you were able to identify where your client was in her process. What a huge shift your client experienced. How wonderful for you to also identify your tendency to want to move your client to the planning/action stage. How did you experience that shift in yourself? What did you notice within yourself that helped you identify this tendency?Again, thanks for posting! I found your post to be extremely helpful!
Maria
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In nearly all of my coaching sessions over the past few weeks, I have incorporated neuroscience principles that we learned in our intensive. In particular, I have found the concept of creating and transforming neurological pathways (neuroplasticity) to be helpful in explaining the coaching process and meaning of the deeper need to my clients. Explaining the limbic system’s response to trauma (fight, flight, freeze, etc), and what to do in that situation, has also been very helpful to explain to my clients. I have also been more aware of my different states of being as a coach in my recent sessions. I have particularly noticed when I go into an alpha state and parasympathetic state, and the difference that makes in my coaching work. Additionally, the theory of change by Prochaska has been a helpful framework for me to better understand each of my client’s stage of transformation. Overall, knowing and communicating the brain science behind coaching has made me understand my clients better, given my client’s a new, helpful perspective, and greatly impacted my coaching style.
During one session in particular, I met with a client (we can name him “Max”) who I have been coaching for a while now. We started meeting last year, then he moved to college, but is back for the Summer. We have been meeting for the last month or so while he has been at home. Max is 19 years old, and wants to become more comfortable with expressing and accepting his sexuality (he is gay). Max has made huge leaps while working with me, including coming out for his fist time (to me). In a recent session, Max wanted to “get to know” his sexuality more. He felt like he had been putting his sexuality aside and not facing it. He identified an old part of himself, called his “obligation part”, that worries about what others think, and wants to stay safe and familiar (in relationship to his sexuality). His new part, called his “comfortable part”, is comfortable and familiar with his sexuality, and has no issue expressing it. He felt like he needed to let go of old ways of relating to his sexuality (the “obligation part”). I explained to him that he is literally creating or activating a new neural pathway in his brain (the “comfortable part”), and that the old part (“obligation part”) is a pathway that is being transformed or dying. When he heard my input on the brain science behind his process, he lit-up and became even more motivated to work on embodying his “comfortable part”. We dove into a parts work session, and in the end he realized that his “comfortable part” is helping guide him on his path. He feel that he won’t fully ever be his “comfortable part”, but it’s guiding him into being a version that’s even better. Throughout the session, I felt high resonance with Max, as well as an alpha wave state. I believe that our high level of trust in one another allows for the resonance and alpha wave state to occur much easier and stronger.
Over the last few weeks, I notice that I am much more confident in my coaching sessions, and I greatly attribute that to our last intensive. I notice major shifts in my brain, mind, body, and state of being during sessions; I am much more calm, aware, open, embodied, mindful, attentive, and curious. My entire body goes into an ultra relaxed, open state, and my mind quiets down, which all allows for the session to flow. According to brain science, I can name this state of being as an alpha wave state or parasympathetic state. I could also say that spirit is flowing through my body. I really appreciate that I have the scientific information and language to explain some of the human states of being, spiritual concepts, and phases of change. With my new knowledge, I have naturally relaxed into sessions, allowing for the sessions to be much more profound and transformative for my clients. I am so excited to learn even more!
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@mariarosagalter :
Hey Maria! I really appreciate how you incorporate the integration pieces into your sessions with clients A and B. I was having trouble understanding how the concept of integration can be applied and practiced in our coaching work, but I feel I have a better idea from reading about your session. I suppose all of our tools as Nature-connected Coaches are a form of creating integration for our clients. As I read the Pocket Guide to Interpersonal Neurobio., I keep thinking about partswork, and how partswork is a great tool for creating integration (and therefore compassion) between parts of ourselves. What other tools can create integration? I haven’t read chapter 17 yet in the Pocket Guide. Maybe that will give me some clarity.
I really enjoyed reading about your sessions! It’s like dessert for me. Thank you so much for sharing your stories and process!@david.fontaine2 :
“I always wanted the client to be in the Action stage, feeling like this is why we’re here isn’t it?”
I have struggled with this desire as well! Even to the point where I get down on myself because there wasn’t enough forward “action” in a session. I’m curious where this desire (in the both of us) stems from. Yes, letting expectations go is very helpful for me too. I am also now realizing that “action” can happen in just being in the stage that my client is at. For example, if my client is in pre-contemplation (which I see a lot with teens), I am working on practicing actions that meets them in pre-contemplation, rather than actions that try to force them into contemplation. It’s definitely challenging for me. -
@deanna.falge
I loved reading about your session with your young client. It is so useful to learn from your and David’s sessions! I feel like I am gaining such insight. I loved how your threaded the “alpha wave state” and were so self aware of your own state as you worked with your client. Wow. How wonderful to be able to hold so much in a state of compassionate awareness–for your client and for yourself. Deep wisdom! Thank you for reflecting your experience of self-awareness. “I notice major shifts in my brain, mind, body, and state of being during sessions; I am much more calm, aware, open, embodied, mindful, attentive, and curious. My entire body goes into an ultra relaxed, open state, and my mind quiets down, which all allows for the session to flow. According to brain science, I can name this state of being as an alpha wave state or parasympathetic state. I could also say that spirit is flowing through my body. I really appreciate that I have the scientific information and language to explain some of the human states of being, spiritual concepts, and phases of change.”–Beautiful, friend! -
My client is a 39 year old woman who has been feeling called to travel to a particular place in Utah where she first experienced a “spiritual awakening” 20 years ago. When I arrived back from our intensive, things had fallen into place for her to make this journey, and she asked me if I could help her plan ritual and ceremony for her time alone in the desert.
I felt that I had a much deeper understanding of the importance and role that ritual play in creating lasting change, and am better able to use language that bridges between the worlds of modern neural science and ancient ecospirituality. Instead of ending a powerful session with goals, benchmarks, targets, etc., I can now continue to hold the sacredness of the session through the ritual creation and to the end.
My client is now currently in the desert, and will return next week, where I look forward to supporting her in creating the rituals she wants to anchor the experiences she is having now. -
Maria,
I reading your post brings me joy, to read how you weaved new concepts of Brain Change, and the neurology of patterns embedded in the system. What you shared about your client stating that the habits were learned, and she was aware of her habits, and lack of understanding to those are organized. It appears that you confidently applied new knowledge that met the client right where she was at and she was able to gain my knowledge and understanding of herself in away that propels her forward to her goal. Congrats! Very exciting for both you and the client. I can feel you confidence in guiding and coaching her.Did any challenges come up for you when applying new knowledge from the intensive?
Gina
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David…wow, I love reading your post about your coaching experience with your client…It is masterfully written. As I read it, it drew me in, almost as if I were having the experience of your client. The awareness she came to of how she was identifying herself as “I love to shop.That’s who I am”… you guided her through her process. The experience as described felt seem-less moving from one stage of change into the next, with the awareness and understanding as a coach that clients are not always in a stage of action. What a wonderful reminder as a coach to let go, and allow the process and meet the client where she is at., The way you wove in the Neuro networking and that ultimately became her state of being that she was living in, and bring wisdom into your session. It’s just beautiful. At the end being able to tie it all in with the Nature component and to keep her open to her process and incorporating nature. It seems to me you understood the material and readings are able to see what is occurring or be presented by your client and know how to apply knew techniques with coaching. I could feel your confidence with depth. It’s clear also the practice of deep listening and powerful questioning was also an important piece to working with your client. I could feel your coaching presence as I read about your session. Very nice. It felt as if your client was empowered and excited by the end of your session. well done!
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I met with my client following the intensive. She’s in her late 40’s and works for a company that focuses on environmental change. When we first began working together she described her frustration with not being “heard” by her fellow co-workers and bosses and noticing that she was feeling more conflict between herself and other co-workers and feeling like she no longer identifies with her work. She expressed that she wanted them to change, but also wanted to have more harmony at work and in her life. Most every time when I would ask a question having her relate the experience at work to herself and what was being brought up for she would immediately, bring the conversation back to the external force, or other co-worker who has been pulled off projects, and stated “well that just would not happen to me. I would never put myself in a position to be pulled off projects.” What did not realize, until after attending Brain Change intensive, that my client was popping in and out of Pre-contemplation and Contemplation. My client exhibited some self awareness, but would quickly focus on others and how she would be frustrated that they did not agree with her, or see her point of view. I asked her how it felt in her body when she felt she was not being heard. And she would state she did not know. So I asked her she was open to some small exercises and meditation. She was.
I realized right a way that this would take some time. Even after the meditation, she gained some insight to herself and feelings anxiety and emotion of anger, but then would pop right back into the external, in this case her co-workers, occasional she would bring up her mother, but then pop right back to her co-workers. At this point it’s is still undefined as to what her deeper need is. She was open to an exercises to support her to become aware of her body. I asked her how it felt to place her hand over her heart, she said it made her feel more calm. I asked what would it look like if she was able to bring this sense of calm to her self throughout the day. She got excited and stated well my day would have more peace and ease and would feel more like my co-worker who is a practicing Buddhist, “Nothing seems to bother her”. I asked her How might she use this simple practice of placing her hand over her heart when she felt moments of anxiety and to create a mantra she could say to herself. She created a mantra thanking her body for information and that she was safe., This practice, not knowing at the time, reminds me of A stroke of Insight, when Right hemisphere of the brain. Right Hemisphere, holding the joy, compassion gratitude, connection to deep inner peace and one with the universe. The client operates mostly from her Left Hemisphere in mind consciousness, verbal language. She was not aware of her body. In My Stroke of Insight, she describes All thought there are certain Limbic System (emotional) programs that can be triggered automatically, it takes less than 90 seconds fo one of these programs to be triggered, surge through our body, then out the blood stream (Pg.153).The follow up visit and asked her how this practice was for her. She said great, I used in a working meeting, I felt the urge to speak out an interupt my boss, I did not, I realized I was feeling anxious and angry, I placed my hand over my heart, and I felt calmer, and I felt my boss become calmer…Which now brings me to our latest session following the intensive. Knowing from past sessions, she typically comes to a session on overdrive, meaning overthinking, and analytical, bringing all parts of her day with her, even the future parts. I changed locations for our meeting this time to a larger space, with more trees and less walking trail activity. The environment was much more conducive to support a coaching session. The environment itself, shift the clients baseline and calmed her her system. It was nice, she noticed the trees and acknowledge how nice the park was. I witness her taking in everything really fast and then talking about work and on and on. I acknowledge her, and asked if she was open to grounding exercises that will support us to be fully present with the session and our surroundings… used some of the Somatic Grounding techniques. So we began taking notice of the souls of our feet on the ground, wiggling of toes in our shoes, and moving up the body ankles, thighs, hips, and harms, fingers, head and neck, Bringing awareness to the body, then gently twist to the left taking the awareness outside to what occuring to the left of us in the park, then changing direction what was occurring to the right of us at the park. I asked her to be aware of any sounds, like the birds, construction, people talking in the distance, and allowing it to become part of the background, bringing ourselves back to center, all while gently inhaling and exhaling into a natural soft cadence. I invited the client to sit on the grass and she was welcome to use one of the back jacks I brought.
Doing this somatic exercise immediately assisted with the client slowing down, dropping into her body, and grounding, ultimately being more present within herself and able to focus on the session. Since it had been about 3 weeks in between session, I suggested an exercise for her to journal, and right down when she recognized being triggered, by an event or interaction with someone and to right down what she felt, was there an emotion, where in her body did she feel it, to write down if any thoughts that may have come up for her in her observation herself. I asked her she did the suggested journaling and if she noticed a pattern and if it was helpful. She said it was quite helpful, and she’s recognizing how much tension she has in her body, particularly when she wants to be right, or disagree with someone. As I listened to he it became clear to me she was more in a State of Change still bouncing back and forth between pre-contemplation and contemplation. Right now just bringing awareness to herself and her body’s nervous system is enough.
I use this client as an example because she challenges my coaching. I really have to practice deep listening, and let go of any agenda at all. When the slightest questions comes to close to the “nerve” she immediately has a response, which is great, but I am mindful how far I take the powerful questioning, she shows in her body language and in her immediate change of the subject on to the external or events occurring outside of herself. She circles around the issue, but what i do enjoy and praise her for is her ability to recognize more the physical sensations in her body, and how she becomes more aware of herself, she is also becoming more aware of others and how as she changes, like being calmer by placing her hand to her chest and taking a breath, also impacts the interaction she has with co-workers. I am mindful how much of the terminology of neuroscience and change theory I bring it this juncture only because I am witness her being very ruled by her left hemisphere and mind consciousness. I realize, finding the balance of how much information I offering during a session matters. If I offer to much, she “runs” with, analyzes it, then almost as if to try to control the session. I realize this may be a way for to feel safe, when she knows information; however, if I offer too much information it takes away from the self awareness of her inner self as well as the nature that surrounds us during the session. I am becoming more mindful about being patient as a coach.
During this session, she expressed that at work she just wants those on her team working on parts of the same project to work better together and she wants it to look and be a specific way, and she shared her frustration, because she just wants it done “right.” I asked her what around stands out to her that might represents a a group working toward a common goal. She picked out the group of people working out with a lead instructor. I asked her to describe it, and if each person looked the same, moved the same, had a common goal. How did the effort of the participants impact the instructor? How did they interact? She described that the all looked differently, and the instructor would assist each one where they needed assistance. I asked how might she take this observation and apply to her work environment to assist and raise others up, what would that feel like and look like. She said well, that would bring more collaboration which is what I want. I asked her how does it feel in her body now. She says it feels lighter, and more at ease.
While I recognize I could be discussing more about the process of change, and Neuro networking, and perhaps even addressing the question of what control brings the client. I am simply just meeting the client right where she is, and she even stated, she felt good and want to continue the journaling for now and pay attention to her body and how it feels when she is triggered. I am reminded of the quote in How you change “No therapy is any more successful than the change strategies that determined, persistent, and hardworking individuals develop for themselves.” We are are right wear the the clients needs to be for herself. She is still in her process of change which is described as “any activity that you initiate to help modify your thinking, feeling, or behavior is a change process. It does not have to look like any particular way that I believe it should look. It observing her I feel she has already experience change within herself, her physical and mental body as well as interactions at work. She expressed a moment where she snapped at a colleague, the later apologized for her behavior, she realized she was triggered by something and it was not due to anything he did. I reminded her how great that was that she self corrected, was aware and took responsibility for her behavior. I reminded her that she is creating a new pattern for herself neurological creating the pattern, and sometimes that takes time until the patter is set, and the old patter goes dormant from lack of use. This is part and signs of her willingness and awareness to change. She’s moving from a left hemisphere to a right hemisphere response. She may not realize this yet, but working toward the balance of the two hemisphere’s.
Working with this client allows me to practice severance, deep listening, and meeting the client right where she’s at, let go of any personal agenda and my comfort in working in the threshold. I am happy to recognize that she is a change process.
Gina
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@Maria,
What an awesome job here with Client B in particular! I see so much importance in identifying those old stories or patterns of belief that were hindering her from what she wanted in her life. This is a perfect example of how we can be railroaded down one way of being and believing. Clearly at some point in her life this way of being was inconsequential but now you’re helping her to see that a shift is needed in order to serve the deeper need she has for her life NOW. Not doing so leads to these inner conflicts that she’s currently having. I can really get a sense of the care and patience you put into this session. I love the way you took time to celebrate victories since the last session with her at the start. Such a great way to begin! Your decision to educate, or share information, about change theory with this client felt like a really smart move. With someone who is experiencing her level of frustration with her inability to change, this knowledge can really set someone at ease. It let’s them know they’re in a process and can make them feel grateful that they are in it. As we all know, just being able to identify our own issue or contemplate it is a huge step to be thankful for!
I’m curious what you identified as the myth in her story for this session.
David
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@Maria, thank you for your feedback on my post! I think the information we learned at the last intensive just landed so firmly with me that it created a new connection for me within my brain. I’ve told my brain “this is important” and now it is at the forefront when I need it. I sensed something come in during the session and almost say “let’s stay where she’s at, we don’t need to have a desired destination”. I would say there is definitely a part of me that likes to follow a plan and execute, keep moving forward in the progress, almost a rigidity that doesn’t allow for a lot of sway off the course….this was the place where I could identify my tendency to want to have a session go a certain way in the past. Great question!
David
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Deanna, thanks for this share and what a wonderful opportunity to use partswork with your client! This immediately brought to mind the need to sometimes thank a particular part for their service and repurpose it. His “obligation” part came to be in order to establish safety that lacked at one time in his life. What a great service that part performed for him when that was needed. But it is needed anymore? It sounds like he’s ready to put that belief behind him! I can see some key points where sharing neuroscience with your client was incredibly helpful in his process. What great intuition you have to see where it will be beneficial and feel comfortable enough in your understanding of the concepts to share those pieces with him.
David
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Gina, wow! How important was recognizing where this client was in her change process?! What a great identification of her being in and out of pre-contemplation and adjustment of your approach with her. That shows incredible adaptability as a coach! You quickly figured out that body and self awareness was lacking and that that stems from being very much in the left hemisphere. I love how you shifted the session into creating that body awareness and giving her some tools, including journaling for her to work on between sessions to further build that awareness of her triggers. While the previous sessions didn’t get to threshold or incporation phases necessarily, she left with a valuable tool in her journaling that could be used in later sessions to track progress. I’m really inspired by your post and the level of adaptability, flexibility and humility you brought to these sessions. Even though you had foresight on where you could run with this, you stayed right where the client was, keeping her more engaged and feeling like she was powering the process. Great job!
David
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@david.fontaine2
Hi David,
Sorry for my slow reply. I was out of town backpacking last week in Wyoming. It was awesome inspite of the smoke rolling in on day 4!Thanks for taking the time to respond so thoughtfully to my question. Compassionately holding your own self-observations while coaching is such a wise skill to cultivate. I think that we want to have an agenda because it gives us something to hold on to and helps us feel more confident. Its so hard to let go and completely trust the process–and trust the client’s wisdom when we think we see the right direction. Your insight about your desire for a plan and goal: “I would say there is definitely a part of me that likes to follow a plan and execute, keep moving forward in the progress, almost a rigidity that doesn’t allow for a lot of sway off the course”; and letting that go: “let’s stay where she’s at, we don’t need to have a desired destination” is an act of trust–trusting the process, trusting the unknown territory, and trusting the client’s own process/wisdom. Its so much about staying in a state of wonder and curiosity….
As far as your question for me “I’m curious what you identified as the myth in her story for this session.” I think she is still trying to figure out what her myth is. She is stuck in her old story “My parents never taught me how to be organized” which leads her to her own attitude of “organizing is boring and lonely”. Her myth right now seems to be “I don’t have any control over this behavior/attitude/belief. I inherited this trait. I can’t help it, therefore this is how I am.” She wants to move right into action (strategies, plans, methods, action) but continues to be stuck. It seems that first she must create a new mythic image for herself that shatters the old story in order to truly be able to move forward in a sustainable and new way–establishing new neural pathways that lead to new behaviors/attitudes/beliefs about herself and how she wants to be in the world. I do believe that more knowledge about change theory and neuroplasticity will give her more tools to support her transformation. I will remain curious to what’s ahead and actively participate in her own self-discovery and whatever path she creates for herself.